Letters@The Transamorous Network


Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Transwomen are not women. I wish we would stop saying that. That is INAUTHENTIC! I’m not dogging the attraction to transgender MTF – I’m just calling a spade a spade. They are NOT women. Maybe calling them that makes them and the men attracted to them feel better. But, I’m sorry, as a natal woman, I can say unequivocally, they are not women. That being said, your article has helped me as my husband is transattracted and I have known for a long time that I can’t meet his needs. Thank you for validating that.


Hi Marcia!

You’re welcome Marcia. Yes. My wife couldn’t meet my needs as well. That didn’t make her bad or wrong. That’s just what was. What I learned from my marriage was she was a wonderful clarifier of what I really wanted. So our marriage was good for me. Perhaps you can see from a standpoint of the love you feel for him, that benefit you offer your husband.

It’s interesting. I participate in a discussion group of varied gendered people. When talking with both trans “men” and trans “women”, they revealed that they find being among cis-women and cis-men, now that they have transitioned, as very challenging. They find cis-people (men and women) far more distinct from them than they originally thought. It’s challenging acknowledging the accuracy of what you’re saying though because many, many, MANY transgirls want so bad to find a place to “fit in” rather than finding satisfaction and joy in their own distinctness, being as something different from both man or woman. It’s not as homogenous as you would think though. For there are, indeed, some transgirls who acknowledge that they are not “women”.

It’s all about the stories people are telling, right?

Until that unwillingness to accept themselves goes away, it’s going to be challenging doing away with this conversation. Part of our work at The Transamorous Network is having people authentically embrace who and what they are. For some, it’s a very long road. Glad we could help you chart your path.


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