[VIDEO] Trans And Trans Attracted Self Loathing Is Rampant.

My love for transgender women has me sharing this video. Hat tip to “Queer Kari” on medium for posting it on her Facebook page. Kari is worth a follow. She’s brilliant AF.

A major reason transgender women revile trans-attracted men comes from what the gender psychologist in the video is saying. Mind you, she specializes in working with the transgender community. So if you need bona-fides, she has them. And based on the video’s comment section, she’s onto something.

Of course, we know all this at The Transamorous Network. Beliefs create reality. And if a person’s life feels full of negative experiences, a state of unworthiness, depression, self-directed anger or lack of self-acceptance exists underneath creating all that. No exceptions.

This psychologist puts her finger on self-loathing’s origins. She doesn’t go far enough though. That’s because her profession doesn’t know anything about nonphysical reality. It won’t acknowledge how life in nonphysical shapes life in physical reality. Still, her explanation clearly resonates. Again, just look at who comments on the video. And what they say.

Why am I sharing this?

I’m sharing this for a couple reasons. The most important being the following. If a transgender woman isn’t aware of her own self-loathing, she will, unbeknownst to her, attract men who reflect that self-distaste right back to her. The same goes for trans-attracted men. So knowing and accepting one’s self-loathing is a critical part of getting over it.

The other reason I’m sharing this is because I care deeply about both trans-attracted men and transgender women. That’s why I share what I know. I want both parties to find love and personal happiness. Clearly, I’m doing something right:

A transgender client texting me after her session. Something about my approach must be working because I get these responses all the time.

Now, the doctor here recommends a solution. She says do things that show we love ourselves. Buy ourselves flowers, for example, she says. The problem with that approach is action will not soothe belief. Only giving attention to new beliefs will soothe existing ones. I show my clients how to do this.

Here’s what happens when a person tries eliminating strong belief with countervailing action. The action AMPLIFIES the current strong belief. That’s because action doesn’t go “deep” enough to affect desired changes. Instead, it just causes the belief to push back.

Try convincing anyone to disbelieve something they strongly believe. You’ll see what I’m saying in action. They’ll defend the belief. They’ll give all kinds of reasons why it’s true. They will push back. It’s very difficult to change belief through action. The best, easiest way involves creating new beliefs. Not acting.

Self-loathing’s vicious cycle

I’ve spoken to many transgender women. Many trans-attracted men too. Nearly all of them struggle with accepting who they are. Their reasons are understandable of course. Society tells them there’s something wrong with them. As the psychologist says below, this indoctrination starts at an early age. Often within families of origin. More often than not the indoctrination is subliminal.

The discomfort people feel while getting indoctrinated tells them something important. But most don’t understand the language of emotions. So they miss the message entirely.

Instead, the discomfort strengthens. It gets so strong, it’s very easy to develop a revulsion around what we are. This revulsion is too much to bear psychologically for many women and trans-attracted men. So then, in the case of a transgender woman, it’s no surprise that when a man shows her natural, normal attraction/interest, as an expression of the man’s NATURAL NORMAL sexual orientation, the transgender woman almost invariably will project her inner self-loathing onto the man.

There’s no way a man can possibly be interested in me, because there’s something wrong with me. So there must be something wrong with him.

Then she will revile the man. Call him chaser or worse. Reject his attention. Such acts further strengthen the vicious cycle proving her unworthiness. It also perpetuates meeting more men who treat her the way she feels about herself. In other words, she matches with men sharing similar inner dialogue (stories).

Self-loathing trans-attracted men loath themselves because they, like the woman, had similar childhood experiences around their sexual curiosities. They feel shame about their trans-attraction and therefore live in the shadows. It’s a wonderful dynamic that CAN transform the experience of both parties for the better.

Awareness is everything

But that rarely happens without outside assistance. That’s because neither side recognizes nor accepts what’s going on inside themselves. Instead, the cycle continues. The women blame the men and vice-versa. The aftermath? Both the men and the women go loveless.

So here’s the gender psychologist telling it like it is. She uses clinical language, but the message is the same:

She tells it in different language, but the message is the same.

Awareness is everything. Unless we acknowledge what’s happening inside us, we rarely develop lives we really want. Indoctrination isn’t always negative. It can lead to certain success. Career success, for example, or financial success. That success usually is lopsided though. Donald Trump, Ted Turner and others have shown how familial indoctrination can result in even mega success. But such success often accompanies great dissatisfaction. Which is why many successful people kill themselves.

Relationships are another story, however. With relationships, inner awareness is crucial. Because human relationships depend heavily on one’s internal reality. That inner reality draws to us people who are our matches. These people match our inner reality. They share similar stories. They also behave the same way we do.

If you think what I offer is New Age BS, then listen to the psychologist in the video above. Her words are different. But she’s saying the exact same thing.

If you’re still struggling in love, it’s likely you are beset by some level of self-loathing. If you’re ready, I can help with that.

I love When Transgender Clients Offer Thanks For Happy Lives

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

There are now several, but still a small number, of transgender women living their best lives after working with us The Transamorous Network. They’re sailing around the world with their lovers. One is reconnecting with family members who once disowned them. Another is creating their dream career. One credits this practice for keeping her from killing herself. Another today, lives her life empowered and unafraid. And others are coming into their joy as they create their love-life journeys.

Of course, trans-attracted men who once were clients are having their versions of similar lives. They’re finding joyful lives. They’ve also freed themselves from suicidal thoughts. And they’re proudly owning their trans-attraction.

I know what I offer my clients, whether transgender or trans-attracted, works. And yet, when a client offers their appreciation, it still warms my heart.

Such was the case yesterday. I happened to see a former client raving about her life on Facebook. I enjoyed seeing her living happily and made a quick quip about that. Here response was awesome:

And then today, immediately after another stirring client session, a current transgender client sent the following text message:

The woman above was struggling with her knee-jerk reactions to a trans-attracted guy she’s seeing. In one session we cleared that up. We also got her feeling empowered and excited again about this guy.

The head and heart

It’s always the case that our physical reality reflects back to us what’s happening inside us. Understand that and creating a life one loves is easy. The same goes with creating love lives. Tell the right stories in your head. Then your heart will received the satisfaction is craves. That’s the approach I take with clients.

It’s heartwarming seeing people I enjoy an affinity with improving their lives after discovering “stories create reality.” Receiving such messages never gets old. I only hope more transgender women discover the power, the empowerment that comes from realizing they ongoingly create their reality. Doing so, many women struggling with love, self-esteem and other inner conflicts can find freedom from all that.

And doing so, they’ll discover life is fun. Fun for transgender people and those who find them irresistibly attractive.

Trans-Attracted Men: Your Struggle Is On You

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

Sometimes I get great responses from transgender women. More and more transgender women who get it write me. I like that. They confirm what I already know. When they do that, I know they are amplifying their own awareness. Including their awareness of the reality of trans-attracted men.

These are the kinds of transgender women I want to surround myself with. Women who are articulate, insightful and intelligent. Transgender women who are not consumed by self-loathing. Self-loathing that they then project onto trans-attracted men. I like interacting with transgender women who are a match to me. Like the woman who wrote me recently. It’s so refreshing when that happens.

By the way, doing what I’m doing here makes it more likely that I meet more such women. While I talk about what I want I get more of what I want. It also represents a basic, essential practice of “stories create your reality“. I’m telling stories about what I want. Doing so, I’m becoming more a match to what I want. And in becoming more of a match, I’m meeting more of the kinds of transgender women I want to aquaint myself with.

I love it when my life proves what I tell my clients. Meanwhile, my clients increasingly discover how effective telling positive stores is too.

It’s not easy at first. But after some practice, they get good at it. Then anything becomes possible.

One transgender woman to another

A regular reader of my articles on a social media website recently shared her perspective. Her perspective didn’t surprise me because this transgender women is brilliant AF. It doesn’t surprise me she also happens to be an artist. Artists have built-in connection with the wisdom of All That Is. In other words, they can access more readily, wisdom at the center of All That Is and express it as art. That’s why they create art.

Being transgender AND an artist is a major gift this woman gives to herself. I don’t know if she realizes how special she is, but I realize it. This is why when she shared her view, it didn’t surprise me. But what she wrote was so accurate, I had to share it.

Here’s the article she responded to. In it I raved about a telephone conversation I enjoyed with a trans-attracted guy. He reached out to me after looking at The Transamorous Network’s instagram profile. The guy inspired me so much I just had to share details of who he was. I’m glad I did. What I got in return was gold.

It’s up to you men

Genivieve began her response with a well-deserved critique on transgender women’s perspective on men:

“To be upset about being fetishized is to misunderstand men. Men objectify everything they desire. It’s not just Trans women. Cis women are equally objectified if not more so. It’s the way men fixate on their prey so to speak. It’s generally something they discovered earlier in life as they are first becoming a sexual being. Like being imprinted, it remains for life as their primary attraction.”

Imagine if more transgender women understood this. Hell, it would be great if Cis women understood this! It would take a lot of sting out of being objectified. Objectification needn’t be a triggering event. And it isn’t, when the person being objectified doesn’t tell stories about it that personalize it. That’s a more empowering way of looking at it anyway. Because when a man objectifies, it’s not personal! Well, it’s personal for him. But that’s all.

Like Genivieve says, men objectify pretty much everything they want. Not just women. They objectify cars, money, certain occupations. Again, it’s not personal. It’s just a process men use.

But — and here’s the kicker — men aren’t the only ones doing this. Women do it too. As offended as they get about it, women objectify men as well. They do the same to women sometimes. They even do it to themselves. Maybe not as much or as overtly as men. But that may be because society conditions women to conceal their very natural objectifying tendencies. If that conditioning weren’t there, my guess is women would take men’s objectifications less personally. And they’d be more transparent about when they objectify others.

But that’s another story.

The struggle of not taking objectification personally is a struggle. But it doesn’t need to be.

It’s on you men

Later in her comment, Genivieve gets to the heart of the matter. I love this because she pulls no punches. Nor need she. The bolded parts are made here for emphasis:

“The key with all men is to understand and allow them what they crave. If you want to keep a man’s interest, you must first be what he is actually attracted to. The social struggle for Trans-attracted men is the difficult part. That work is on them. Once we all can openly embrace who and what we are, we can live more simply and happily with someone that we can love completely.”

Hear, hear Genivieve! Indeed, trans-attracted men, your path is laid out before you. It’s on you to figure it out. No one’s going to do that for you. The thing is though, you took on this task yourself before you came into a body. So you’re up to the difficulty.

In fact, when you decided to come into the world as trans-attracted, you didn’t see it as going to be hard. You saw it as the great opportunity that it is. The opportunity to live in a new way. A new way that would help nudge humanity towards greater diversity, openness and expansion. And you knew you would be better because of the journey. The same is true for every transgender woman.

The crux of the matter

And this is why trans-attracted men and transgender women have the potential to be perfect mutual matches. That they often come together amidst all kinds of drama, blame, anger and frustration is the flip side of that mutual match potential.

And this is why I do what I do for both transgender women and trans-attracted men. So much potential for love exists between these two groups. If only both sides can get over their disempowering stories, then approach one another from understanding born of realization. I write these articles to nudge both sides to that realization.

It happens one person at a time. When it does, the sparks of love shine and everything becomes possible. Everything becoming possible first starts with you loving yourself. Or as Gen puts it: “openly embrac[ing] who and what we are”.

Trans or trans-attracted you’re meant to enjoy everything you desire. But as Gen says, it’s on you to get to that enjoyment. If you’re ready, I can help.

By the way, if you want to follow Genivieve on Medium, be my guest!

Why Trans And Trans-Attracted People Are So Scary

Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

It’s not about us. It’s about them.

The world is a scary place for most people. Even those who think they’re not scared, are. If they’re not scared of life, they’re scared of their own death. Which makes them afraid to take what they perceive are big risks. Like following their passions or living authentically.

This also explains why people express conservative views. There’s a fear underlying trying to keep things the way they are. Or keeping things the same or stable. Or the way things used to be.

So when a transgender person or a trans-attracted person shows up, that person threatens stability conservative people create in order to feel safe. Furthermore even transgender people can express conservatism. Especially in relationships. Many are unwilling to expand their understanding of trans-attracted men beyond what they think they know about us.

A person who feels they’re progressive can also slip into conservative thinking if presented with something too progressive, for example. Especially if that thing presented has an impact on the person’s view of themselves. Especially if their self-view depends on how others view them. Particularly when “others” means one’s own peer group. This especially holds true for “oppressed” groups and their members.

Black power masking weakness

I once attended a Clubhouse conversation on racism, hosted by a prominent black activist. This prominent person enjoyed notoriety among black people. Especially so on this social platform. Not long into the conversation, another person of color spoke. He said he didn’t think racism was a real thing. He described how, instead, racist views represented a moral injury. “Racists” in his view were morally-injured people. Their injuries sustained from within their families of origin.

When I agreed aloud, the momentum was too much for the prominent activist. She signed off of the conversation. Before doing so she expressed discomfort over the conversation’s direction.

The activist went “conservative” on matters of race and blackness. For her, shibboleths had been violated. She couldn’t bear hearing our perspective. One held by people who looked like her.

Often power masks insecurity, weakness and intolerance. It doesn’t matter if that power is borne from experiencing oppression. It’s a shaky power that crumbles in the face of a divergent opinion. Especially if that power can’t welcome and embrace new ideas. Particularly ideas that may be disagreeable.

Nearly everyone is susceptible to expressing conservative thinking. Especially when it comes to their opinions about life. No one is immune. Not even transgender people. Or trans-attracted people.

We represent possibility

Meanwhile, transgender and trans-attracted people exemplify an expansion of human consciousness. That expansion sometimes even threatens transgender and trans-attracted people! Yes, the same people expressing the expansion!

That’s the divine paradox of human expansion. In all cases, those exemplifying the expansion do it, primarily, for themselves. Which explains why so many trans-attracted men AND TRANSGENDER WOMEN struggle accepting they are trans-attracted or transgender. The story is the same for both groups. Both are learning self-acceptance while offering the same lessons to those around them.

The possibility of expansion is a gift we give ourselves…if we’re willing to accept it.

For non-binary people it’s the same.

We all came to the world to choose freely. We came to create our world and the world around us in our image. Meaning, according to our unique perspective. We came to live our way. Not to regurgitate ways others already explored and express. We are All That Is seeing new and diverse freedoms that push outward our self-imposed boundaries.

And in doing that we help All That Is become more and human expression to evolve in line with that.

Radical self-acceptance is divinity expressed

And in doing THAT we confront those who struggle with their own, personal expansionism. More so for those stuck in lack-of-self-acceptance. Or worse, those trying to create the past out of fear and insecurity of a future that threatens a rigid belief system.

The glorious thing about being WHO we are is the inherent glory of WHAT we are: expression of creativity, moving, living examples of what’s possible for ourselves and for others. It can be hard accepting that others resist what we are. It doesn’t have to be though.

That resistance can be scary for some. But it needn’t be scary either. The answer to the fear is not legislation, or coercing or forcing others to accept us. The answer lies in radical self-acceptance. Then one emanates then attracts acceptance from others. It doesn’t happen overnight. But it will happen, guaranteed.

Some in our community think the world around them objectively presents challenges separate from what’s happening within them. That’s never the case. The outside world is a reflection of one’s inner condition. Figure that out and the world becomes our oyster. Then, everything is possible.

Those who don’t understand this think I blame people for their experiences. Such an expression only shows how little such people understand how the world works and what and who they are.

The good news: Ignorance is always temporary. Choose illumination.

Yet Another Transgender Woman Gets It

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Oh boy, I’m attracting extraordinary transgender women!

I love it when I connect with transgender women who get it. The trans community is NOT homogenous. Not in any respect, but especially when it comes to opinions about many things, including being transgender.

Many transgender women hold views totally different from those who complain about men, their lives, the world around them and how poorly that world treats them. To the trans-attracted men: I suggest focusing on these transgender women. Not those who blame you for their experience. Trust me, you’ll find them everywhere.

These kinds of transgender women see where their views of the world shape the world they live in and experiences they have. Still others get how pointing fingers at men for being chasers perpetuates negative experiences transgender women experience with such men.

I will say this over and over: men struggle with their trans-attraction. That struggle strongly resembles processes many transgender women go through on their way to self-acceptance. Processes that help both parties get over their fear, their confusion, and shame. In other words, both parties have a lot in common. In fact, both parties share extremely intimate experiences. Experiences that can form the basis of intense, intimate, deep, loving relationships.

Another joyful connection

I had the pleasure of communicating with yet another transgender woman whose insight and maturity allows her to see things other transgender women can’t or won’t. I loved reading her response to a story I posted recently. Her response increases my knowing that these kinds of women exist. Women who share perspectives I have. Perspectives which say being trans is a unique, special and world-changing experience. And those having those experiences are worthy of veneration.

In the story I posted not long ago, I shared my personal views about transgender women. I wrote about what they represent (to me) and what that representation means for the world. Kari responded to that story. She gave me permission to use her real name.

The two comments she made are gold:

A brilliant and accurate analysis of what I wrote in my original story
And her perspective shared subsequently.

I’m heartened that transgender women exist like Kari. Women who can hold two different views and accept both. I also appreciate her self awareness. That self awareness shines through her self-image. A self-image through which she can see flaws in beliefs transgender women hold which vilify trans-attracted men. And ideas that try to put all transgender women in the same box.

There’s a lesson here guys

The transgender community is as diverse as any other. Transgender women exist who will meet any preference. They don’t all think the same. While there are transgender women who want to live as if they’re cis, there are transgender women who eschew that paradigm. And if you’re interested in a trans woman who will satisfy your preferences, you can find them.

Finding them however, means you must stop putting all your eggs in the wrong basket. Instead, focus on what you want to the exclusion of all else. Let them come to you. Let the Universe bless you with your perfect match. You do that by becoming a match to what you want. That happens if you focus exclusively on what you want.

Meanwhile, the girl you want, who meets your every preference, will get her own impulses. She’ll be inspired to places where you are. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself in her arms. And her in yours. Need help figuring this out? Then contact me.

And feel free to read some of Kari’s writings on Medium.