Transgender Women Like This Give The Rest A Bad Name 😱

Editor’s note: This post published earlier this past summer. However, a kerfuffle developed around it. So we unpublished the post. We’re re-posting it now, having changed it given input from our readers and from the Medium.com legal department. Read about that kerfuffle this post triggered here.

Some transgender women act in ways that tarnish the entire community. These women do things that make life hard for everyone involved. Of course, some trans-attracted men do the same. They make it hard for all the other trans-attracted men.

But this post isn’t about the men. It’s about one specific woman. Her, and a mystery we solved last year with the help of a trans-attracted guy. What I find highly gratifying about this is how it happened perfectly demonstrates how “stories create reality” works 100 percent of the time.

For when I first heard what this person was doing, I didn’t complain about it. Rather I was fascinated by it. I wrote a blog to warn men about her. Then I privately told the story that the Universe would show me who this person was.

I wrote that post two years ago. Last summer, the Universe gave me what I wanted. Here’s how that happened.

A familiar MO

A trans-attracted guy wrote me on Instagram out of the blue. He was in the middle of divorcing his wife. While separated he tried dating this person. Things went awry, as they usually do when people don’t have their stories straight. Then, in retaliation, this trans woman outed the guy to his wife.

The wife then used the guy’s trans-attraction in court to wrest sole custody of their kids. She then called me in a tizzy about her ex being trans-attracted and how her life has been destroyed…

That’s another story.

But the guy’s experience felt super-familiar. That’s because not long before this, I received a similar story from a midwestern father who received a similar letter about his son.

So when the Instagram guy wrote me, it seemed auspicious. I’m keeping his name out of this at his request. He doesn’t want anymore drama.

The guy who helped me solve the mystery telling his story.
The guy explaining what happened.

Apparently then, this trans woman seeks men via online dating apps. When things go bad for her (because her stories match her with men matching her stories) she outs the men to wives, friends and families. And she includes our contact information.

Such actions are highly inappropriate. It’s like when people in the 80s and 90s outed gay men against their will. You’d think this woman would know better as there are many transgender women who face similar situations.

The guy who wrote me gave me her telephone number. He didn’t remember her name. But the number was enough. With it I was able to identify her. I sent the guy some pics and he confirmed the person in the pics was the girl.

Trans-vigilante: REVEALED

Her name is Úmi. If you meet a woman with that name, you might want to avoid her.

Of course men who met her and then ended up on the receiving end of her ire created that rendezvous too. They are not victims. Neither is the guy who helped me. Everyone is responsible for what they create.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help men avoid unnecessary complications on their Chaser to Transamorous journey. So guys: consider this your second warning.

This person destroyed two families and drove at least one woman (that I know of) to the brink of suicide. This is a serious matter.

If you sympathize with what Úmi has been doing because you think men deserve this, you might want to consider how it felt the last time you were on the receiving end of attention you didn’t want or abuse you felt undeserved. While everyone creates their reality, some of us with the ability to help others have the option to do so. That’s one reason why I started this blog and work with clients both trans and trans-attracted.

On that note, I must acknowledge this person was very briefly a Transamorous Network client. She did not reveal her behavior to me in the very few, preliminary sessions we had. I reached out to her several times prior to publishing this post. She did not respond to my requests.

And to be clear, should I discover men acting egregiously as this person has, I would share that information too.

A desire to serve and enjoying proof

I don’t know if she still behaves this way. She’s beautiful and, like all people, can get what she wants. I know (because all people are this way) a loving heart and compassionate spirit exists within her. Acting from rage or disempowerment isn’t helpful. It’s clear she realizes she could benefit from help. She just needs to clean up her stories, then she’ll be closer to getting what she wants.

Before she knows it, she can enjoy love from men, instead of matching up with men who trigger her ire. After all, they are only reflecting that ire back to her, reflecting her inner state of self-loathing and insecurity.

Meanwhile, I’m stoked with what happened. The Universe answers all desires. I’m glad this turned out the way it did. I got what I wanted.

I wanted to know who was using The Transamorous Network’s brand in a way that was causing unnecessary harm. In asking, the Universe gave that to me. It’s just one more example proving this practice works.

Our stories create all our experiences. Change our stories and our experiences change. Anything we ask for can be our experience. It takes some time though. This experience stretched over a couple years.

Thank goodness we’re all eternal. Because of that what’s a couple years in the context of eternity? It’s literally less than a blink of an eye.

I love it when what I share with clients gets confirmed in my own life. It’s icing to see it confirmed in my client’s lives too. And I’m appreciative the guy reached out to me the way he did. It was a perfect manifestation of my desire to know who this trans woman was.

How Life Gave A Transgender Client An Awesome Gift

My Advanced clients are so inspiring. Even when they struggle, they create for themselves the Charmed Life. Being Positively Focused Advanced clients, most of them catch when they do this. Still, it can feel like a painful struggle. That’s only because they need more practice. More practice that solidifies their trust that their stories create their reality.

An Advanced client today, who happens to be trans, shared an example of this. She’s progressing nicely. Her biggest desire for now is manifesting her lover. But she has many disempowering beliefs in the way. So her path to the lover is really bumpy. And yet, today she shared a story proving her progress, even though she told her story through tears.

Now, tears aren’t what people think they are. Tears are manifestations. They happen when humans release resistance. So crying isn’t a bad thing. Nor is it sad. It’s actually good. It only feels sad because we’re taught that it is sad. After all, after crying, we usually feel better, right?

As she told her story, my client felt much better. That’s no surprise. Being sad is impossible when one stands in witness to their unfolding Charmed Life.

Here’s the story she told.

A fabulous experience of inner awareness

She’s currently getting to know a guy I’ll call “David”. David has a child from a previous marriage. He and my client, I’ll call “Jill”, were texting. Today is Jill’s birthday and it isn’t a good one according to her. That’s because she perceives herself as alone (she’s not). And she think she’s getting older, which, for her is a terrible thing.

It’s terrible because the older she gets, she believes, the less time she has to find and enjoy her lover. In such beliefs, Jill can’t possibly feel happy and optimistic. Especially on her birthday!

Which is why some days she’s not happy or optimistic, including today.

Jill didn’t remember how wonderful sadness is. That sadness tells her something important. As we talked about that, naturally, Jill’s mood improved. Again, a human can’t be sad while standing in appreciation or empowerment, and as we talked that’s where I lead her.

Once getting there, she remembered what happened between her and David. Remembering this story in itself was a manifestation. She wouldn’t have recalled it had her mood not improved. So the story returning to her memory told her something important too. That’s another story though.

David is very busy. Not only does he have a child, he also works a lot. And, this weekend, the weekend of Jill’s birthday, he’s moving. So he’s doubly busy. David asked Jill if he could see a photo of her. She suggested they swap candid shots. So Jill, who was at a coffee drive-through, drove down the road then pulled over. There she snapped a couple pics. Then she sent them to David.

If you believe it long enough it becomes true

As is typical with text apps, Jill saw that David got her pics. Then she saw that familiar three dancing dots at the bottom of the chat. David was writing something. But he never pushed “send”. Here’s what happened next in Jill’s own words:

“At that moment,” She said. “I knew there were good reasons why he didn’t reply to my pics. But I made up really negative, really bad reasons why he didn’t. He didn’t like how I looked, I thought. He thought I was fat or thought I looked too masculine.”

As Jill thought these thoughts, she said, her mood got more and more negative. Before long, she was angry and sad.

“I totally believed what I was thinking,” She said. “I just knew what I was thinking was true.”

Jill’s persistent negative talk has been around a while. So there’s a lot of momentum behind those beliefs. She knew what she was thinking wasn’t true. And yet, she thought she knew for a fact that they were true. In other words, her reality was confirming her persistent beliefs. After all, she had been in situations like this before. Situations where men ghosted her after she sent a pic.

In those situations, though, she never found out the real reason why they disappeared. So getting no explanation, she made up her own. These she repeated over and over, in situation after situation, until her explanations became “truth” for her.

Anything we believe will prove true. Believe it long enough and, eventually, we’ll manifest evidence confirming the belief.

Creating deliberately

This is why I advise clients not to look at what’s true. Especially if what’s true isn’t what’s wanted. Instead I encourage them to look towards what they want. That’s because, for most of us, what’s true is inconsistent with our desires. So looking at what’s true causes that which is inconsistent with our desires to persist. Getting what we want, therefore, requires looking where our desires are. That place I call nonphysical.

Perceiving nonphysical is crucial to manifesting what we want. That’s why I spend so much time teaching how to do that in client sessions.

We can’t see nonphysical with our eyes though. We must learn to “see” it differently. When we do, we have our hands on powerful levers. Levers allowing us to create reality deliberately.

Jill knew what she was doing. Though convinced her beliefs were true, she said she was aware that she was creating a reality she didn’t want. Which is why when David finally did text her, she was not surprised: David had been busy, apologized for his delay and complimented her on her pics.

Jill said this was a big lesson for her. “I have to learn to rewire my thoughts so they’re more positive,” She said.

I agree.


In every case, the love we want that hasn’t shown up hasn’t because beliefs we hold keep it away. (Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash)

Transforming the future

Being aware of what we’re doing when we’re creating unwanted is another crucial skill. Developing it first requires understanding how reality becomes reality. Then we use our awareness to interrupt that process. Then we learn to direct the process deliberately.

That Jill knew what she was doing was awesome. That she used that awareness to improve herself was the cool gift the Universe gave her. Had she not had the experience and awareness, the gift would have slipped through her fingers.

We talked about different stories she could tell in place of automatic beliefs activated by habit. We can literally make up any story that feels better. It doesn’t have to be true. It just needs to feel better.

  • He lost his phone.
  • Someone stole his phone.
  • The phone got run over.
  • He’s just busy right now.

These four stories feel better than those Jill told herself. The third made Jill laugh. That was a great sign. All of them are not true. Except the last one. Yet they all had Jill feeling better. And that’s the goal.

By practicing this skill on any topic we automatically think negative thoughts about, we transform our future. We make the future compliant with out desires. Do that often enough and we’ll find the future including more of what we want.

What we want therefore becomes a foregone conclusion. They must manifest. That’s just how the Universe works.

Words aren’t as convincing as creating results in your own life that prove this. Maybe you’re ready to do that. Contact me and let’s get you on that path.

Life is constantly gifting us. The only question is: are they slipping through your fingers?

Transgender Self Acceptance: A Beautiful, Powerful Thing

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

I have a client on the Positively Focused side of what I do. She’s cisgender and has fallen for a man she manifested. But the man waffles a lot over his commitment to her. Rather than seeing this guy as not worth her time, because he does not meet her minimum requirements, she’s clinging to this man.

Because she believes this man is the only man out there for her, she believes she MUST have this man. As a result of her scarcity consciousness — about men and relationships — she suffers as the guy keeps breaking up with her, then he apologizes and comes back to her.

On my bike ride this morning I couldn’t help contrasting her experience with my own. As I’ve written in earlier posts, I now have a girlfriend. What’s remarkable, among many things, about Muriel, is her radical self acceptance. She knows herself. She recognizes those things about herself she wants to improve. And most importantly, one of those is not trying to pass as a cisgender woman.

I love that about her. Her radical acceptance of her status as a transgender woman resonates powerfully with me. That’s because I know the best happiness lies in self acceptance. Accepting fully who we are is the key to getting everything we want.

Loving who we are as we are

Self acceptance is a struggle for many transgender women. Muriel say this is because transgender women try to be something they’re not. I agree. They compare themselves to cisgender women. Then use that comparison as the yardstick for their “passability”.

Hopefully, dear reader, you can see the built-in struggle of that approach. Many transgender women compare themselves against something they’ll never be. And, in that comparison, they cannot accept a man who wants them for who they ACTUALLY are. So it’s no surprise such women struggle with finding love in relationship. It’s also no wonder they revile trans-attracted men.

They don’t fully love themselves as they are. So when someone expresses love for them as they are, they reject that person. As they reject themselves. Thankfully, Muriel is not that way. She loves (most) of who and what she is. So she can accept my affection. Indeed, my affection apparently amplifies her own self-appreciation. And I enjoy doing that for her. I reflecting back to her the love she has for herself.

Joy and freedom are at the heart of self acceptance. The more one pushes toward greater acceptance of all that one is, the more love and joy one will experience. First in themselves. Then in the world around them. In time the world will reflect back to them that inner state of joy. And when that happens, everything the person wants must show up in their life experience. Including lovers.

This is true for transgender women and trans-attracted men. It applies to everyone actually.

Loving ourselves is the best thing we can do to get all we want. Especially in love. (Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash)

Our perfect match is looking for us

Which again, is why Muriel and I have found one another. It’s no surprise that Muriel and I find the relationship we are experiencing satisfying. The limits it includes are perfectly matched to our life situations. Hers, being in an open marriage. Mine, being focused on my spiritual path. These two aspects of our lives are perfectly accommodated in what we share.

I want my Positively Focused client to find her full self acceptance. Doing so, she’ll find no need to pine after men. When it does, men like the one she’s pursuing won’t show up. Instead, she’ll rendezvous with men who are equally matched to her self acceptance. This already is happening. She’s getting better at seeing this.

Confidence, joy, freedom, security. All these are available to those who fully accept themselves. It doesn’t matter whether one is trans or cis. We’re all human after all. And we all have multiple perfect matches looking for us. Not just one. I love helping trans women and trans-attracted men find those kinds of matches.

Accepting oneself fully is not an easy matter though. Especially when so much of society conditions us out of self acceptance. That’s why someone like me can help those wanting joy, satisfaction and love.

If you’re one of those people wanting more joy, satisfaction and love, contact me. Results are guaranteed. Whatever you want you can have. But you first must become a match to it.

Never Give Up Your Dream For The Perfect Love

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

I once had a female housemate named Debbie. She left her “real job” for a calling. Instead of that “real job”, she wanted to become a life coach. This was back in the day when “life coaching” was the thing.

Months went by and Debbie wasn’t making much progress. One day, I happened to see her in the house. In that moment, I knew Debbie had lost her dream.

The look on her face said everything. The dread on her face and tears in her eyes spoke volumes. Debbie probably feared what she thought would happen next if she ran out of money. I remember giving her a long embrace. I told her it would be ok.

Debbie eventually moved out. She relocated to another state, got a job and, today, as far as I can tell, is happy. She married. Got a dog. She’s gotten back into dance, something she loves. As far as I know, life is good for Debbie.

Too good to be true?

As I pursue my calling, I know how Debbie felt. Yet I persist. Why? Because I know something Debbie didn’t. I also had extraordinary experiences that convinced me I could succeed. Debbie likely did not. Finally, enough evidence has show up along the way to convince me I’m progressing.

For Transgender women and trans-attracted men, the calling often pursued is finding that one person who clicks all our boxes. Someone who will love us. Someone who we’re compatible with. A person we can love. Someone we find attractive.

But many of us think such a person is too good to be true. Like Debbie, transgender women and trans-attracted men actively looking for love don’t believe what they want is possible. So we give up. Or we compromise on our dream.

Transgender women will settle for other women. They don’t believe a guy will love them. Trans-attracted men will spend all their money on escorts. They don’t believe they can find a beautiful transgender woman who won’t reject them. We compromise on our dreams because the idea of never finding love feels worse than the compromise.

Of course, there are lots of transgender women happy living and loving other women. And there are some trans-attracted men who settle for cis-gender women and live happily. Debbie found happiness too.

But we have dreams for good reasons. Still, giving up on them seems rational. Especially when the dream itself seems so irrational. Or scary.

But all dreams feel that way at first. Especially big ones. For many, finding love feels like a big one.

Living the dream

Plenty of examples show how worth it pursuing a dream can be. Hell, the very act of transitioning was once a dream for many transgender women. Now, for most transgender women, it’s just a known and accepted process. We could even say that process is now pedestrian. So many folks transition these days it’s not a big deal anymore.

This can be the case with ANY dream. Including the dream of finding and living a life with a satisfying lover. But old beliefs, will resist anyone who dares to follow such a dream. Which is why dreams feel scary or impossible. It’s not that they are scary or impossible. It’s because we think they are. And those thoughts conjure negative feelings we call “fear”, “scary” and “disbelief”.

Think about it though. Anyone who has actually pursued a dream realizes something remarkable. In pursuing, fear goes away. Done right fear gets replaced by adventure, interest and passion. Then, in perfect timing, when the dream is realized, the path to that dream feels sweet.

Then others see what we’ve done. Our example inspires others. Then the world changes. That’s the power of a dream! It’s world-changing.

Living the dream then, isn’t about getting to the goal of that lover or whatever. It’s the journey to that lover. That journey is the adventure that makes arrival so satisfying. Which means living the dream is worth every step along that path.  And along the journey we inspire others.

We can all live our dreams. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people. In doing so we change the world. (Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash)

Is it worth it?

My experience proves what you’re reading. There have been moments of fear along my journey. But I know what “fear” means. Yes, there’s that “False Evidence Appearing Real” thing. But fear also is a beneficial emotion, like all emotions. Understanding what fear or disbelief tells us makes those emotions comply with our dream. And when that happens in us, it’s much easier to see the path before us. It’s much easier to see the end goal as a reality too.

That’s how my transgender and trans-attracted clients find their lovers. I show them how to turn their fear and disbelief into empowerment and expectation. Then I show them how to see evidence of progress toward their lovers. The more evidence they see, the more expectation and empowerment grows in them.

Before long, they arrive, happy and in love. 

Anything a transgender person or a trans-attracted guy wants, they can have. Such people choose being born as trans or trans-attracted for powerful reasons. One: their lives inspire others. Two: Their example changes the world.

I will even go farther. Transgender women and trans-attracted guys have a special relationship to their dreams. A relationship that makes their dreams that much more possible. Their dreams are meant to be fulfilled, in other words.

Getting what we want, especially love, can be scary. Especially when we don’t believe it’s possible. I don’t want to help you believe it’s possible. I want you to KNOW it is. Because it is. Don’t be scared. Live your dream. Have the love you want. I’ll show you how. Contact me.

The WAY To Cis-Trans Love Is The Prize, Not The Love Itself.

Photo by Fun J on Unsplash

Here’s the best way to love transgender women and trans-attracted men want: when we enjoy our journey to it. Then, we’re not so focused on the end result.

Not focused on the end result is critical. That’s because while we think we’re focusing on the end, we’re usually focused on not having it. We’re focused on how long it’s taking, for example. Or we’re focused on how sad, or impatient we are. Then we feel yucky.

Yukiness, impatience and sadness tells us something. Something we need to know to get what we want. Without knowing this, the journey is rough. And in some cases, we may never get the end result.

It’s trite…for a reason

The idiomatic expression is both trite and spot on: it’s the journey, not the destination. The more we focus on the end, the more difficult the journey gets. The longer it takes to get to the end too. But focused on pleasure we’re having in the moment, and not thinking at all about the end, the journey gets sweeter. And then, when we get to the end, we are surprised at how quickly it happened.

We can focus on the end, but we must do so in a way that generates good feelings. Any time we’re feeling bad, that emotion tells us something important.

Again, the funny thing about idiomatic expressions such as “it’s the journey, not the destination” is that they are idiomatic expressions for a reason. The reason is, they are often true.

“Time flies when we’re having fun“ is another accurate, idiomatic expression. And it applies right alongside “it’s about the journey not the destination”. When we are enjoying the journey, we are enjoying the journey. We’re not focused on the ends. So, repeating myself: when the ends come, we are delighted. And how fast it all happened surprises us too.

The journey doesn’t have to be drudgery. And when it’s not, everything we want happens faster. (Photo by Fun J on Unsplash )

It’s never about the end anyway

This is hard to accept: notice that, often, when people finally end up in a relationship, the relationship becomes a drama-filled torture chamber. It isn’t very long before stories both people have about relationships, people, themselves, etc., start creating unpleasant experiences.

And the more focused on that displeasure – by thinking about it, complaining to their partner, or their friends, about it – the more of those experiences the relationship offers. Before long, both parties are wondering why the hell they got into the relationship in the first place! And at least one of them, if not both of them, is happy when it’s over!

So, can you see how focusing on the outcome often brings about an unpleasant version of that? If, instead, we focuses on the journey, we’re already is pleased. In that pleasurable feeling, we can only match up with people who feel similarly. That is, if we’ve done the work of cultivating positive stories, and culling negative ones.

This is why it seems like it takes longer for Transamorous Network clients to find partners. They are busy culling old stories as they enjoy the journey to their dream relationships. Not drama-filled torture chambers! And along the way, they’re enjoying the journey.

Someone who influenced me telling it as I know it.

Doing what everyone else is doing

Most people are doing what other people are doing in order to find their partners. They are suffering through online dating. They go to dating meet ups or hang out in bars. In other words, they’re trying to find love they want through their action.

Meanwhile, their stories are creating experiences they’re having well before any of their action can influence what’s happening. Sure, they may have dates. They may even have fun on those dates. But as I have written above, those dates typically don’t last very long. And many of them end up drama-filled torture chambers.

So, to get what we want, and enjoy getting it, we must do what others aren’t doing. It’s not easy at first. It takes practice. But like everything worthwhile, that practice develops into habit. Then it’s just second nature. It’s just who we are. Then, not only do we get love we want, we also get everything else. Life becomes the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.

Think of that: if we’re joyful, loving life, pleased with our lives and having fun, what kind of person are we more likely to meet? Aren’t we more likely to meet someone who is equally in that space?

I’m making the argument here for a different way of creating relationship. By enjoying the journey, and taking our minds off the result, the journey becomes more fun, and by default, so must the relationship that results.

Getting love we want can be fun and easy. (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)

It’s worth it

My clients attest to how practical and satisfying this approach is. They come to enjoy the journey. And in enjoying the journey, they discover things about themselves they also enjoy. Besides, the best relationship to enjoy is the relationship with ourselves. And when we love ourselves, we can’t help but meet people who express that kind of love also.

Repeating myself again: it takes practice getting there. But on the way “there” we’re having fun. We’re finding joy in ourselves. We’re discovering we don’t need a partner.

Then we discover something really miraculous: when we realize we don’t need a partner, the partner shows up. That’s because, “need“ sends out repulsive energy. Neediness is a repellent. Everyone knows this instinctively. Neediness is not a strong foundation for relationship either.

So if we’re needy, and if we’re impatient, or not enjoying our journey to our relationship, then we’re emanating something working against our desire to have one. At least one we’ll like.

Let’s do something about that neediness. Then let’s get that relationship you want, by first, discovering the joy of the journey. Contact me. Let’s talk.