The Best Trans Love Comes from Happy Thoughts About Love

Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.

They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.

Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.

Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.

Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”

The problem is whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”

And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.

Incremental improvement

Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.

Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.

But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.

We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.

Anyone can find that partner they want (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)

Evidence abounds

For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.

Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.

Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.

Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.

Getting what you want can be hard when we keep looking at what we don’t want. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)

How to not get your true love

Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.

It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.

Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.

It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.

Another Wife Betrayed By her Trans-Attracted Husband…🤥

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Every once in a while, a cis woman will write us in despair. These women share “betrayal, shock and sadness” they feel after discovering their husband’s involvement with transgender women. Their discovery usually comes “by accident”, which is why such women express so much shock.

Such a message came our way in the comments section recently:

My husband is trans attracted. He has completely broken me. My self-esteem and self-worth are destroyed. My home is broken and I feel he has no remorse. We are getting a divorce. I do not feel that marriage counseling will help because at the end of the day I cannot satisfy my husband.

His constant porn addiction and running to grindr everytime we argue shows me that his real desire is to be with a trans women. I feel betrayed, angry and stupid to think that he would ever just love me and want me. I’m completely defeated and spend my days reading articles about trans attraction and cry myself to sleep at night. My husband is so quick to defend the trans community but not our marriage and this is a feeling I cannot describe.

Many trans-attracted men wind up married to cis women. That’s because the shame and self loathing they feel about who and what they are has them repress what they want. In exchange, they go for what society tells them they “should” want.

Acceptance is hard

But the price they pay is far too great. Not only do they set themselves up for pain later on, they also, potentially, set up their partners and perhaps children. I totally understand their choices though. I married two cis women. The first I married totally oblivious to my trans attraction. The second marriage I walked into with my eyes open. It wasn’t about love. It was about giving the girl I married what she wanted. She knew about my trans attraction.

So I understand when men like me choose a cis woman over a transgender one. They don’t know what they’re missing when they do that. And, in my opinion, trans attraction will not suffer compromise. Soon or later, it will express itself. That’s why more and more cis women speak of betrayal and shock when they discover their husband “fucking trannies”.

Accepting our trans attraction can be a fraught-filled path. We face potential ridicule from friends, ostracism from family and potentially debilitating self-condemnation. As if that weren’t enough, men like us also often face humiliation, ostracism and ridicule from targets of our affection: the very women we find ourselves irresistibly attracted to.

So I don’t blame guys like me who try resisting their trans attraction. As I said though, that comes at a cost. The most expensive cost is lack of self acceptance.

When guys like us don’t embrace our natural, normal attraction, we give off insecurity vibes. Those vibes attract transgender women who are matches to that. Which is why men like me struggle with their attraction. They wonder why they keep meeting less-than-desirable trans girls. Trans girls who reject them.

Shame is common among many trans-attracted men (Photo by Aaron Blanco)

Self loathing masked as attacking men

Getting rejected by trans girls, while common, needn’t be any trans-attracted guy’s experience. But it will be if guys don’t accept themselves. When they do though, their entire dating experience will change.

The same happens, of course for transgender women.

Transgender women who don’t accept their trans-ness can’t abide by a guy who finds them attractive, in part, because they’re trans. Some trans girls agree with society. They think they are somehow “a mistake” or “born in the wrong body”. They can’t accept and embrace the fact that they chose this path as does every trans-attracted person.

Why anyone would choose transamory or being transgender is easy to answer, but it’s beyond the scope of this post. The point is, when a transgender woman calls a trans-attracted person a “tranny chaser”, “chaser” or some other derogatory term, they’re essentially saying “my status as a transgender person isn’t valid. So if you’re wanting me for that reason, you must be a freak, a fetishizer, fiend, or abnormal.”

We don’t call men who chase vagina “chasers”. We accept their behavior as “normal”. But what is normal? And is normal something someone really should strive for?

I don’t think so.

It’s better embracing one’s trans-ness as well as one’s trans-attraction. Men go through a “hyper” stage wherein they try fucking as many vaginas as possible. Girls go through their own process, but society makes it bad and wrong to express that overtly, so women don’t talk about it, or express it as directly as guys.

Many transgender women go through similar experiences. They seek out as much dick as they can. In other words, they’re exploring themselves.

Transgender women hating on trans-attracted men say more about their self-image than the men they hate (Photo by Engin Akyurt)

We’re a match to what we get

Trans-attracted men go through similar stages. If a trans woman doesn’t want to meet such men, who are going through a period of radical self-exploration, they need to up their story game. They must tell different stories about a number of subjects. Stories about themselves, about dating, about men and about relationships to name a few of many.

Diana Tourjeé, a journalist who happens to be transgender wrote an interesting article about cis women discovering their partners’ transamory. In it, she gives her own take on this perspective.

This is the danger in stereotyping all trans amorous men as chasers. Many are just discovering their sexuality, or finally want to be honest about who they are. They may well be living with severe anxiety or depression due to their reasonable fear. So the outright rejection of all men expressly interested in trans women ultimately alienates whatever number of trans amorous men are capable of, or actively are trying to overcome that fear. [These men] are an example of people who desire an authentic, fulfilling connection with trans women; rejecting them has only caused harm.

I agree. Tourjeé goes on to say many people, including transgender women, hold flawed and harmful ideas. These ideas say anyone who loves transgender women is abnormal. And that’s as harmful as thinking that transgender women themselves are abnormal. For if trans-attraction is abnormal, what does that make transgender women?

It’s a question every transgender woman might want to ask themselves the next time they want call some guy interested in them a “chaser”.

Good advice for cis women

As for cis women married to trans-attracted men, I think we’re going to see many more such women suffering shocking surprises. The more society leans toward accepting transgender people, more men will cast off their shame. I think that’s a good thing.

Women married to trans-attracted men are settling. As much as a shock as it might feel, if such women really look at their relationship with their trans-attracted husbands, they will discover clues existed throughout their relationship.

It’s hard to see the signs the universe shows one when one is on the wrong path. Often, such signs only become clear in the rear-view mirror. I would suggest to such women that the end of their marriage, rather than being the worst thing that ever happened, could become the exact opposite.

It could become an inflection point leading to a more genuine and authentic relationship containing more of what the woman wants. And when that happens, doesn’t that mean the ending of the marriage was actually a good thing?

I think so. Life tends to work out. Life is more fun when seen from that lens and lived with that expectation. Telling positive stories about life helps build such perspectives. Want to know more?

A Powerful Transgender Woman Creates Her Best Man Yet

(Photo by Jeremy Bishop)

It’s so fun watching transgender women and trans-attracted people using stories to create their love lives. I love participating in that unfolding. When such people find their power, they realize they can create what they thought was impossible. Then their lives get really fun.

Of course, everything is possible. The only things keeping some things impossible are stories people tell. “That’s impossible” is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Things change though when someone discovers they stand at the center of the Universe. There they realize they create everything around them. Including all the lovers they want…or the lack thereof.

Stories are powerful

A transgender client’s personal experience showed how powerful, or disempowering, stories can be. She started practicing with me 36 sessions ago. Last week, something happened that amazed her.

During those 36 weeks, Jennifer (not her real name) uncovered many disempowering stories. They included stories about dating, about men, about men’s intentions. But they also included stories about Jennifer herself. These included stories like the following:

  • I’m not good enough to get what I want
  • I’m too fat to get the guy I want
  • Men only want me for sex
  • I’m too old
  • Time’s running out for me to find a guy
  • I never can find the right guy I want

These stories together created Jennifer’s reality. What did that reality look like? One where men she met wanted her for sex, or for photos of her genitals. Several often called her, but only when drunk. They demanded sexually explicit texts, wouldn’t talk on the phone and when Jennifer pushed the issue, they would ghost her. Others made promises to meet in person, only to disappear later.

No wonder Jennifer created negative stories about dating, about men and about men’s intentions.

It’s not that her stories weren’t true. After all, she formed many of them from past experience. But if Jennifer wants what she wants, she can’t expect to get it while telling stories about what she doesn’t want, no matter how true they are.

Stories are powerful. They can create more of the same. Or they can create what you want.

Choose: get what you want or be right

Jennifer had a choice. She could tell true stories and be right. Or she could tell stories about what she wants and get that.

For example, one story she had about men was “I’ll never meet a nice guy locally”. Every guy she had met, she met through OKCupid. Desperation had her using online dating. No matter how many times I told her online dating works terribly, she kept using it.

That’s because she also believed it was the only way she met men. See how stories create reality? Her stories about not meeting local guys had her believing she could only meet men online. So that’s how she met them. And, the men she met there showed up consistent with her other stories. Especially stories about herself.

The online experience only amplified her frustration, which in turn reinforced her stories about men, her datability and her belief that she’d never meet the guy she wanted.

Again, Jennifer can’t tell stories about her past and get what she wants. Instead, she must tell stories about what she wants. That’s what we focused on in the ensuing 36 sessions.

A lot of transgender women would rather be right than get what they want, which is why they end up sad, bitter and alone. (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)

Evidence starts proving it works

Over time, Jennifer’s new, empowering stories started creating realities consistent with themselves. It was rough going at first. Often Jennifer reinforced her old stories more than energizing new, more empowering ones.

However, there’s something cool about telling positive stories. Such stories enjoy enormous creative potential. You see, the Universe wants everyone to enjoy what they want, no exceptions. So when someone lines up with what they want by telling positive stories about it, they become a match to that. Then, that person gradually starts seeing evidence of what they want showing up everywhere.

That’s what happened with Jennifer. For example, men started waving at her as she walked down the street. Every time it happened, she said, she looked behind her to see if the guys were waving at someone else. Nope, they waved at her.

Or the male barista at the drive up kiosk would chat Jennifer up, where before he would ignore her. Another time a gas station attendant complimented her nails. And another time, a male restaurant sever paid particular attention to her as he attended the table she sat at with friends.

Ordinary people chalk these examples up to “coincidence” or some other logical explanation. But there’s no such thing as coincidence and logic has nothing to do with it! Everything happens on purpose. The purpose is reflecting back stories one tells about what’s happening.

The more Jennifer got this, the more such instances happened.

Evidence grows more insistent

Until one day while walking her dog at the local dog park, a man who also had his dog approached her. He said hi and Jennifer returned the greeting. They enjoyed a nice conversation while their dogs played. Afterward, the guy said “Oh, dude, I gotta go. I’m late.”

Now Jennifer interpreted that as the guy misgendering her. We don’t know what his intentions really were, but I told her telling such a story was not in her best interest.

“It’s better to make up a story that you feel better about,” I said.

“Like what?” She asked.

“Like ‘the guy was using “dude” like some people do. It’s just a figure of speech, like an exclamation”,” I replied.

At first, Jennifer didn’t like that new story. But after some cajoling she admitted it felt better than the knee-jerk story she wanted to tell.

I told her telling such stories would create the next evidence that would knock Jennifer’s socks off.

And that’s exactly what happened next.

Every transgender or trans-attracted person can enjoy a relationship that knocks their socks off. Unless their stories run contrary to having that enjoyment. (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)

It bowls you over

Jennifer had other stories not related to men and dating. These needed attention too. The combination of stories, what I call a Belief Constellation, creates everyone’s reality. Jennifer’s constellation included many negative stories about her work and her manager. Those stories kept Jennifer on edge, defensive and feeling like a victim.

Feeling on edge, defensive and victimhood makes one a match to situations that exacerbate feeling those ways. And not just work situations, dating situations too. That’s why we needed to soothe Jennifer’s work stories too.

That took a while, but the better Jennifer felt, the more she wanted to do the practice. In time, evidence at work convinced her more and more her new stories were working.

Her boss complimented her more and more. She gave Jennifer more responsibilities. When Jennifer announced she was looking for openings in other departments, her manager offered to reclassify her job so she could get more pay. Finally, her manager came out and told Jennifer how much she valued her and how much she wanted Jennifer to stay.

Evidence at work was bowling Jennifer over. It amazed her that simply telling positive stories could literally change her relationship with her boss!

Then one day Jennifer texted me from work telling me how a process I taught her – called PRE-PAVING – helped change her work experience. In the text, she misspells it as “preparing”:

Then it happened

Riding on that positive momentum created what happened next. Jennifer felt good about changes happening at work. So much so, she softened on the idea that she couldn’t meet men in person. She started acknowledging evidence showing she was meeting men. It’s just that she hadn’t soothed negative stories enough to have such men approach her in person.

That all changed rather suddenly.

A few days after a remarkably powerful session, Jennifer sent me a text. It was awesome:

Many layers prove how powerful this experience was for Jennifer. For one, she didn’t have to do ANYTHING to meet this LOCAL, GORGEOUS guy other than follow her intuition to take Rocco out for walk. Second, there’s NO WAY ON EARTH she could have deliberately sought out this guy. It could only happen this way, a perfect orchestration of her unfolding reality.

Third, the guy did all the work. He approached her and initiated a conversation. But most of all, what’s super awesome about this rendezvous, is through it, Jennifer realized yet another story she needs to clean up.

“He’s out of my league.”

However, even though that happened, she still had an experience totally contrary to EVERY experience she had in the past.

Every encounter a stepping stone

It’s really important at the point of receiving this experience that Jennifer enjoy the experience. Negatively judging herself does no good. Neither does harsh self-criticism about not doing something she thought she should have done. Everything worked perfectly here because this rendezvous wasn’t meant to be the perfect match or the perfect lover.

What it was, was an experience clarifying for Jennifer where she is on the path to becoming the perfect match to her perfect lover. How else will she know what disempowering stories remain in her constellation, if she doesn’t get to see her constellation in action? This experience worked perfectly.

It encouraged her. It created more desire in her. The fact that it happened gladdened her, inspiring her to the possibility that more such experiences can happen. It was a local connection! Something she thought impossible. And it showed that gorgeous men show interest in her.

So many disempowering stories got a dose of positivity just through this one experience. And so long as she remains in all these powerfully positive interpretations, Jennifer makes herself a match to more such experiences in the future.

Every client gets it

I love it when these kinds of things happen for my clients. Every client enjoys this kind of progression on their way to the love, the life, their greatest desires.

Everything is possible. Including having a relationship matching one’s wildest dreams. Nothing stands in the way of whatever anyone wants other than stories a person tells that are contrary to what’s wanted.

Clean those stories up though and watch how remarkable life gets.

Life is a wish-granting jewel. No matter what one wishes for, one can have it. One only need become a match to it, then draw that which is wished for to them as they hold themselves as a match to it.

I show clients how to do that. It’s easy, it’s fun and it works. Every time. You ready for your true love, your version of the wonderful life Jennifer’s creating? I can help.

How To Change People By Telling Happy Stories

Photo by Timon Studler on Unsplash

There’s great power in managing vibration so that one stands in a high flying state. Doing so, one can literally shape others’ experiences. One can also shape other people. A powerful example of that happened this week with a trans-attracted client.

This client finds himself profoundly affected by his Transamorous Network practice, which spanned some four months now. But this week, like many clients, he came having had a rough few days. So when he showed up to the session, he wasn’t ready for what happened.

When I help clients attain vibrational mastery, I create a vibrational bubble in which I hold the session. Vibrational mastery means being so Positively Focused that your world must reflect that state back to you. That looks like your life turning out exactly like you want it.

In addition to showing clients how to create vibrational mastery, I also demonstrate it through my being. That’s why, every client raves about how great our sessions go. The high vibrational state I create then hold during the session “pulls” clients from wherever they are, to where I am. That’s why, unlike traditional therapy or counseling, every client enjoys extremely satisfying sessions containing powerful insights and breakthroughs.

A compelling offer

This time, however, I brought a lot more vibrational mastery to the table than usual. That’s because I meditated prior to the session, using a process which increases one’s vibrational focus. I also used another process because I wanted to amplify the great feeling I felt after meditation.

By the time I came to the session, I was bouncing off the walls with intense, positivity, appreciation and joy. So much so, the client’s socks got blown off.

The disparity between where he was and where I was was so great, he had to join me. He literally had no choice because my mastery was so strong.

So when the client came into my bubble, his negative vibration had no place to go but outta here! 😂.

Which is why, after the session, he sent this:

Creating people on demand

When it comes to relationships, most people try to manipulate, convince, “love” (it’s not really that), bribe, blackmail or blame their partners into being someone they can be happy with. That hardly ever works. Indeed, the whole idea of “love languages” is part of the problem with relationships. Expecting someone to be a certain way so you feel better is a recipe for disaster. It’s also not loving.

Loving is unconditional. That means, no matter how a person might be, you still love them. Even if that person wants you, transgender ladies, for that “something extra”. And even trans-attracted men, if that transgender lady calls you a “tranny chaser”. No one can create a reality contrary to their stories. So when someone gives you behavior you don’t like, you gotta find something about it to like. Or else your negative story makes you a match to more of what you don’t like.

Finding that positive story in an apparent negative situation is a challenge.

But with vibrational mastery, not only can you love a person no matter how they are, when you do, THEY CHANGE. Or they move out of your experience to be replaced by what you want.

Change others by changing yourself

The best way to change someone is to come into alignment with the version of the person you want to experience. Then the person you’re with changes into that person. Vibrational mastery makes that possible.

Trying to change people through action or words hardly ever works. When it does work, it rarely lasts. It often creates resentment. But using vibration born of positive stories, you can make any change you want permanent. And people love you for it.

It’s just like what my client experienced. And I wasn’t even trying!

Want a powerful relationship with those you love, those you work with and those you care about? Stop trying to change them. Attain vibrational mastery and watch how much power you have to produce wonderful results. Including creating versions of people who match your every desire.

Want to know how? I can help!

Settling In Relationships: The Great Pandemic Of Our Times

Photo by Adrian Swancar

A Transamorous Network Client sent a text this week which offers a wonderful clarifying perspective. It shows distinctly why people settle in most areas of their lives, having given up on their dreams. 

Some people push back when I say nearly everyone settles, especially when it comes to finding a partner. But when one understands how the Universe works, and why people act how they do while not knowing how the Universe works, one realizes why settling is indeed the greatest pandemic of our times.

And not just in relationships.

Why no one wants to settle but nearly everyone does

Wayne Dyer once wrote “you’ll see it when you believe it.”

That statement accurately reflects how the Universe works. A person who talks themselves into believing something, will, in time, discover that something to be “true”. No matter what it is, or how crazy others think it, a person who believes will see what they believe.

This is how the Universe works. It constantly reflects back to all of us what we believe. It does this so we can adjust our beliefs so they align with what we want, then receive what we want. No matter what that is.

Knowing this is power. For knowing this, one can create any reality one wants. All one needs is sufficient belief.

My artwork

But the universal experience of “emergence” (commonly called “birth”) is, when a person comes through a vagina, the experience of physical reality, combined with their forgetting who and what they are, creates bewilderment. In that bewildered state, the eternal being, now human, flails a bit for stability. Usually, that means leaning on others who came before. Initially that’s usually parents.

Indoctrination begins

But after a while it also includes teachers, what one sees on TV and peers. It also includes the immediate environment and personal experiences. Having forgotten their eternal nature and origin, for humans, physical reality trumps internal reality. As surroundings take precedence, it appears that reality exists separate from the perceiver. That’s not ever the case. But that’s what it looks like.

So the perceiver begins to “believe what they see”, not realizing what’s really happening; that they are seeing what they believe. Much of what they see and what they learn from others, who are equally if not more out to lunch about what’s really happening than new arrivals, appears to be that the world is random, scary, limited and requires struggle and pain.

In that world, one must “get real”, stop living youthful fantasies, get a job and carry their own weight. This applies not only to earning a living, but to every other aspect of life. Including relationships.

So the result of all this flawed thinking is people give up on their dreams. Or they adopt mediocre goals from others, or parrot what others do. And since mostly everyone has “gotten real” and given up on their fantasies, it’s easy to see why people would settle for something less than their dreams.

No wonder so many live ordinary lives. And no wonder so many settle in relationships. That deftly explains the divorce rate as well.

The “dream” nearly everyone trades their authentic being and desires for. No one comes through a vagina explicitly wanting this. But nearly everyone compromises, then wonders how they got here.

My client’s experience proves the rule

“Alonzo” stood in exactly that place as he shared his thoughts this week. He texted a defense of his limited beliefs while not realizing that’s what he did. What he thought he did was explain “what’s true”.

But what’s true is whatever someone believes long enough. And usually, that means what someone adopted from others, from statistics, or observation, none of which has anything to do with getting what one wants.

Here’s what he texted.

My client “Alonzo” defending limitations inherent in his beliefs. Beliefs born from too much observation and not enough creation.

I know many, many trans-attracted men share similar ideas/beliefs because such  men contact me regularly and say similar things.

But again, these things they say have no relevance to what they want. But they do create realities wherein what they want doesn’t exist. It’s no wonder then that they experience frustration and loneliness or, worse, hopelessness in finding their match.

Thinking such thoughts/telling such stories prevents such men from having what they want. What happens next is they settle, choosing to be with a cisgender woman, who can’t possibly (and shouldn’t) satisfy their desires. Then both the woman and the guy live a dissatisfying relationship until they separate in anger, frustration and resignation.

I’m not making this up. Two past clients lived that example. So I know many more have as well.

Some transgender women tell their version of these same stories. Which is why they live sad, lonely, frustrating lives. They’ll settle for a female partner, even though they prefer a male one. Or they go through dating “hell” online, where they kiss many, many frogs. Hell, all kinds of people tell such stories. Transgender women aren’t the only ones trying to solve their relationship dilemmas through online dating.

So let’s look at my client’s text, unpack these beliefs, then create new ones more consistent with what’s wanted. It’s not hard. And anyone can do it. Because everyone came into the world with this ability.

The way out of mediocre

Statistics offer a convenient analysis of a population. But every statistician will tell you that the closer to an individual member of that population, the less accurately that analysis will be. Statistics also don’t explain anything. They just describe a group of things or people based on measurable information.

Of course, we’re not using statistics when referring to how humans create reality. In this case, such things as stats become 100 percent irrelevant. Individual life experience is 100 percent subjective, meaning, no two people experience identical experiences. Nor do they ever conclude similarly.

What’s more, experiences an individual might have depend 100 percent on what they tell themselves. That’s the only thing – their beliefs – creating their experience.

So the problem with the belief that transgender women “…make up 0.6% of the population, and far fewer than that actually are physically attractive to me, are mentally stable, and like the type of sex that I do…” Isn’t that it’s untrue. It may be true.

But is that a truth that helps this guy or hinders him? Obvious it’s the latter. Because looking at this statement he can’t help but think something like “the odds of me meeting a girl I’ll like are infinitesimally small.” That thought will quickly cause feelings like hopelessness, discouragement, pessimism and despair. None of these will lead this guy to his match.

But there is a way out. If you’ve read this blog regularly, you know what it is. It starts with telling better stories.

Finding your lover needn’t be frustrating. But it is when you’re telling stories that suck and you base your chances on the odds. (Photo by Adrian Swancar)

Don’t listen to the odds

The problem with Alonzo’s first belief is, it limits in the extreme what’s available. Again, if he believes this tiny sliver of the population is the only sliver available, he can’t possibly feel anything other than hopelessness. Especially if he has no idea how to connect with that tiny group.

More important though is this. When a person believes this way, they limit in the extreme what the Universe can do for them. The Universe doesn’t give a rip about that statistic. It is a wish-granting jewel. Everything is possible through it.

But the creation process is controlled by the creator. Not the Universe. So if the creator doesn’t believe what he or she wants, he or she can’t enjoy what’s wanted.

Since Alonzo believes these stats as “true”, what the Universe delivers is what he believes. Again, the Universe can’t deliver something we don’t believe is possible, which is why Wayne Dyer makes his assertion that you will see it when you believe it. Alonzo doesn’t believe he can meet his match. So he doesn’t.

The power of Alonzo’s text, isn’t the statistics. It’s his belief in the statistics. That’s what creates the “truth” of the numbers. Not the “fact” that the numbers are true.

There’s a lot of universal truths in Star Wars. Including this one. Via GIPHY

No one needs a target rich environment

Nearly everyone believes they need a huge group of single people from which to sift through and find their match. But no one needs a large pool. Few people want to simultaneously have a relationship with more than 1-3 people. Most people want only one person. Do you really need a pool of people from which to get that one?

Well, you do need a target rich environment if you have crappy aim! That way your chances are better of hitting the target. But since everyone creates their reality by what they believe, or what stories they tell, each person can precisely and easily move through situations where they meet that one person who knocks their socks off.

But if that person believes their match is hard to find, then guess what? They’re hard to find.

My client says he’s leaving the door open. But is he really? No, he’s not! The door is barely cracked open if he thinks his match exists among only .6 percent of the population. Meanwhile Universe stands ready with more than 100 ways Alonzo can meet her. Alonzo can’t access any of them though believing as he does.

Instead, he could tell stories which cause hope, optimism and even positive expectation to pour out of him. Such stories will automatically make him feel enjoying his desire is possible, even easy. Here’s what some might sound like:

  • How I feel when I tell this story doesn’t feel good
  • But I must be here because I can’t be anywhere else right now
  • I haven’t always felt this way. I remember other times I felt better
  • That means I don’t have to be stuck here
  • I can change what I think and believe
  • Since I can change it, I can accept that I believe this right now
  • I like thinking that I can change my thoughts/stories
  • That I can change my stories feels better than feeling stuck
  • Since I can change my stories, I can accept the stories I currently have.

These stories are a start. The first step always involves getting to a place where one accepts where they are, instead of resisting where they are. Anyone unhappy with where they are is resisting where they are.

Taking the next step

The next step: create stories that dispel or dislodge stories that create not-so-good feelings and replace those icky feelings with better-feeling ones.

  • There may be few out there, but I only need one
  • I can tell better stories than those I’m telling
  • I would prefer better-feeling stories
  • Maybe it won’t be as hard as I think
  • Maybe there are transgender women in my town
  • I really don’t know because I really haven’t looked
  • That feels true
  • I like the truth of that. Really, I haven’t looked
  • I can accept that I haven’t tried looking
  • Accepting that feels better than accepting how hard I thought it was before
  • What if I don’t have to try looking?
  • I like thinking that I don’t have to try
  • Perhaps there’s hope for me
  • I like feeling hope
  • Hope sure feels better than powerlessness
  • Maybe she is out there
  • It’s nice feeling some hope

So in a few brief, deliberately chosen statements, a person can go from powerlessness, to relief, to acceptance, to incipient belief…maybe even hope. And from there, it’s all down hill (in a good way), so long as the person doesn’t reinvest in old beliefs.

Stories that prevent you from getting the love you want often sound “true”. But that doesn’t matter! What matters is, is the story you’re telling tune you to what you want? These sure do not! Unless you want to remain single and unhappy. (My artwork)

Get on the upward spiral

Getting out of the momentum of disempowering stories feels hard until a person tries. But feeling powerless, hopeless or pessimism can change in an instant, or at most, a few minutes. Look around you though.

Likely people who don’t know what you’re reading surround you. So they look at the world, draw conclusions about what they see, see realities they create consistent with that, then say “yep, see, I’m right. The world is this way.”

Just like Alonzo.

The minute they tell themselves they’re right, they lock in that conclusion as a belief. Then the world ends up that way. A trans woman only meets chaser men. Men can’t find transgender women who aren’t whackos or prostitutes.

For example, Alonzo told me in our subsequent session that he “hasn’t seen a single trans woman in my area.”

“Of course not,” I said. “You can’t when you have such strong beliefs in the way creating a reality consistent with ‘there are none in my area’.”

It can be challenging convincing someone creating a reality they don’t want, that the reality they do want is as easy to create as that reality they have, the reality they don’t want.

But once someone learns how the they, their Broader Perspective and the Universe work together to create reality, I find these people start on a positive upward spiral leading to everything they want.

All my clients eventually enjoy the upward spiral of positive stories. The better stories they tell, the better they feel, then the better life gets. Then they want more of that, so they tell even more positive stories and life gets even better. (My artwork)

Get what you want

They can’t not get what they want because their Broader Perspective and the Universe want them to have it. The only reason they don’t have it is because they’re in the driver’s seat. This Universe and their Broader Perspective can’t give them what they want when they aren’t focused on that. The Universe and their Broader Perspective only gives the person what they attend to. Which is why beliefs are so important.

Beliefs are how humans attend to what they want. The problem is, most humans use their beliefs to attend to what they don’t want. Which is why so many don’t get what they want. Or they get a smattering of what they want, among a crap ton of things they don’t want.

Getting what’s wanted is supposed to be what’s happening here on Earth. The heaven everyone thinks comes after death is right here on Earth. But each person must create it for themselves. No one does it for them. Not even the Universe or one’s Broader Perspective.

Joy in life comes from figuring out how to do that then doing it deliberately. And the more one does it deliberately, the more joyful they become. Then their world must reflect back to them that joy, because that joy comes from joyful thoughts and thoughts create reality.

It’s not hard to do any of this. Everyone is doing it right now, today. They’re just doing it in the wrong direction which leads them to a life of settling.

I say, do it deliberately and show yourself how easy it is. I can help with that.