HELP! My Husband Is Trans-Attracted. What do I do?

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Over time, women have written me after finding out their husbands/partners are trans-attracted. Recently, two such people sought my advice. Those conversations were enlightening. What can they do about their men’s trans attraction, they asked. Interestingly, both wanted to stay with their men.

Remaining with their partners is new. At least in my experience. Past women writing me expressed outrage. Or they felt shame and revulsion. Or they felt betrayed at discovering their men find transgender women attractive.

Presumably, some readers are reading this because they’re in similar situations. I’m writing this post for those of you. The world doesn’t offer many resources for you. Just as it doesn’t offer many resources for your man. So you’re likely to make mistakes. Mistakes that could cost your marriage. Mistakes including believing that your relationship is over.

It doesn’t have to be.

Read on to discover a fresh, empowering perspective. A perspective about you, your relationship and the man you either are, or once were, in love with. In other words, there is hope. Hope for you, for your man and for your relationship.

I know what I’m talking about

Just for background: I’m a transamorous guy. “Transamorous” is a relatively new term. It means someone who is attracted to transgender women. “Trans-attraction” is another word for it. But the two aren’t the same.

Transamorous is a higher order, more mature version of trans-attraction. You can read more about the two in this post.

I have had my own experience with moving through trans-attraction to transamory. Part of that journey involved being married. My process happened over many years. Since then, I created this site to help men like me. As I wrote above, such men don’t have many resources they can turn to.

Given my experience, I’d say I’m an expert on this situation. Not only because I share the attraction your husband does. But also because I work with men like your husband.

I also work with trans women. So I have an understanding of both sides of the relationship dynamic which brings these two groups together. It’s a very strong dynamic that needs some explanation. The dynamic involves you too. Not in the way you probably think it does though.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Suffice it to say, I know what I’m talking about. And I offer what I know to soothe concerns you’re feeling. It’s going to be ok. Don’t panic.

Knee-jerk reactions born of panic aren’t in your best interest. (Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash)

None of this is a judgement on you

This section is important. Some women discovering their man is trans-attracted make the mistake of blaming themselves. You must not do this. Nothing has gone wrong although it may feel that way. You’re not a bad partner. This has nothing to do with your sexuality, or your ability to please your man.

There’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. What’s happening is the natural unfolding of your relationship. Because it’s natural, it was unavoidable. In some way, at some time, this was going to happen. So rather than thoughts like “my relationship was a sham all along”, or “My self-esteem is shattered”, it’s better to consider that everything about your relationship is working. It’s just that some things are happening you just don’t understand yet.

Society conditions us to put other people’s opinions of us ahead of our own. That shows up in thoughts like “what are people going to think of me?” or “I’m going to be the laughing stock of my church”. People’s tendency to put other people’s opinions of them ahead of their own is a major impediment to happiness generally.

But it really is detrimental in this situation. Mainly because what’s happening is a special event. An event those around you are likely to not understand at all. More importantly, considering others’ opinions at this time will disempower your ability to reap the wonderful opportunities that exist in this situation. For you, for your partner and for the world generally. This especially includes opinions of your family and your friends.

So you must do your best to refrain from thinking about what others might or are thinking about what you’re experiencing. Their opinions do not matter.

You came into this situation on purpose. You came with everything you need to benefit tremendously from it. No one who matters is negatively judging you. You might be though. If you are, that’s not helpful.

Your emotions might be acting against you

Whether you’ve just found out or consciously knew all along, what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a special situation. It’s human evolution happening right before your eyes. As such, this is not a sexual, or romantic situation. It may seem that way. But that’s the wrong context to look at what you and your husband are going through. If you look at it from there, you’re sure to feel betrayal and other similar emotions.

Meanwhile, this is a much bigger, much more important experience for both of you. It CAN be a deepening of your relationship, not a destroyer of it. But how YOU frame it will determine which it will be. So not panicking is in your best interest. In fact, the more logical you can be about this situation, for now, the better.

We’ll reintroduce emotional reactions in a bit.

For now, it’s important that you not engage with or invest in your emotional reaction. That’s because you’re likely to create unfavorable outcomes. Particularly if you’re feeling negative emotions about what’s happening. So any negative emotional reactions are acting against you.

I’m presuming you love your man. Or loved him up to discovering what he’s been doing. I argue that you still love him. You may not feel that love right now. Maybe you do. If you do, that’s a great start.

If you don’t, I ask you just be patient a bit. I promise the love you have for him will return. It may return by the time you finish reading this.

What’s happening with your man

As I wrote above, your man is undergoing a process. It is a divine, spiritual process of human evolution. It’s not about sex or romance, although it sure looks like that. And, your man probably doesn’t understand what’s happening to him either. I mean, sure, he feels arousal. He can see his behavior. But he may not be very clear about why what’s happening is actually happening.

As such, he’s likely questioning a lot of things. Particularly, he’s questioning his own sexuality and sense of self. Meanwhile, many other thoughts are going on in his head. Some of those thoughts are about you. They’re about his love for you. They likely are scary thoughts. Thoughts about what might happen if you find out. Thoughts that you will judge him harshly when you find out.

And, while he’s thinking all this stuff, he’s feeling shame, embarrassment, self-loathing and more. Which all explains why he’s doing what he’s been doing in secret. He just can’t bear to talk with you about it. Hell, he can barely acknowledge it to himself!

He also has nowhere to turn. The internet doesn’t help (save for my content and a smattering of other scant sources). But it can provide relief and space to explore. Relief in the form of porn, which allows exploration. But maybe your man has moved beyond that. He might be seeing a trans woman on the side. He may be seeing and paying for escorts or prostitutes who happen to be trans.

All these acts are part of this glorious process of human evolution. He doesn’t feel it that way. And, likely, neither do you. Nevertheless, that’s what it is. Let’s take a dispassionate look at that process.

It’s evolution baby!

We humans are way more than our bodies. No matter what your religion says or what your beliefs are, we are eternal beings enjoying a human experience. That experience has definite purposes. One of those is something I call “expansion”.

I’m not going to go into great detail here. The point is, your husband before he became a human, embarked on his human journey knowing full well he would experience what he’s experiencing: this thing called trans attraction. He knew it would cause his expansion. And here’s the kicker: he also knew it would create expansion for humanity, the world and the Universe at large.

Another kicker: the fact that you’re involved with him can only mean one thing: you were in this from the beginning. In other words, you also agreed to have this journey, this evolutionary adventure. That’s how you saw it before you became a human: an adventure.

Maybe you don’t see it that way now. But you can. Believe it or not, this experience will enrich your relationship. But you must make the decision that triggers that enrichment. No one else can do it. Including your man.

This evolution is causing humanity to see itself in new ways. It’s not new from our divine, eternal perspective. But as humans, it is new. The newness feels like “never been before”, and “pushing the boundries of self-expression”. It feels like “breaking down limiting beliefs and prejudices”. It feels like “letting go of what we’ve been told.”

So this process is divinely inspired to move humanity forward. And you, dear reader, are an active participant. I want you to see yourself as a supportive, willing active participant.

What your man is going through represents a divinely-inspired process of human evolution. (Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)

The transgender experience

“Transgender” is the flip-side of your husband’s experience. Trans people and your husband are working together at a divine level. Transgender women, your man and men like him agreed to all of this. They knew the world would be better off as a result.

Being trans is a leading edge expression of humanity. Maybe you’ve noticed how much in the news the experience is. It’s literally transforming every aspect of civilization. From bathrooms to boardrooms, from the pews to politics, transgender people are fulfilling their roles. Many of them don’t understand what they’re doing from the perspective I’m writing. That doesn’t invalidate what you’re reading though. Like your man, these people don’t remember a time before their human birth. But that time heavily influences everything happening here.

Which is why nearly every transgender person feels being trans was something that happened to them, rather than something they chose.

Glory inherent in this experience already is being seen in many trans people’s lives. Success, wealth, recognition and increased freedoms are becoming an increasingly common experience for these people.

But the one area where they still struggle – particularly trans women – is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance and, as an extension, finding love. This is where your man comes in.

He’s a reflector

Your man’s role in these women’s lives is to reflect acceptance, love and appreciation back to the women. It’s a journey. It’s a process. One that works both on the women and your man. For your man is likely not accepting who he is as a trans-attracted person. Which is why he’s hiding it. He’s also afraid of what friends, family and society at large will think of him. Just as he’s afraid of what you might think of him.

This fear is similar to fears trans women have about themselves. In that way, the two groups – trans women and trans-attracted men – are perfect mirrors of one another. And the divine gift is, the two groups coming together and, in that process, both finding “healing” (that’s not a word I use often but it’s the best I can think of as I write this).

Now, your man is also reflecting for you. Presumably you two met and developed a love for one another. Real love is unconditional. That means, no matter the conditions, love remains at the forefront. Any other kind of love is not love. So if you’re feeling anything other than love for you man, even in the awareness of his trans-attraction, then you do not love him.

This is important to understand.

Your man, therefore, is helping YOUR expansion too. Expansion into what? Into unconditional love. Which is, by the way, your natural state. You ARE love. That’s why it feels so good to love and be loved. Both experiences faithfully reflect back to you what you are. Make sense?

The power of your thoughts is real

Think about the following statements:

  • I once loved (name of your man)
  • Maybe I still love (name of your man)
  • I am in a relationship with (name of your man) because I love(d) (name of your man)
  • I don’t want (name of your man) to suffer
  • He’s hiding this from me because he’s scared
  • Maybe he’s hiding this from me because he’s also embarrassed
  • (name of your man) might not understand what he’s feeling
  • He probably believes he must be “the man” for me
  • And this experience is probably challenging that for him
  • He doesn’t have to be “the man” for ME
  • But he might think he has to
  • So (name of your man) is struggling with this as much as I am
  • I hope he’s not suffering
  • Maybe he thinks he’s gay
  • Maybe I think this means he’s gay (my note: he’s not)
  • I want him to be happy
  • I don’t want him to be embarrassed or scared
  • There’s compassion in me for (name of your man)
  • I do love (name of your man)
  • I want us both to be happy

These are productive thoughts about this situation. Maybe you’re feeling even a smidgen of compassion, more understanding or love for your man after reading them. Or maybe just a bit of relief from your negative judgements. If you are, then you’ve experienced the power of your thoughts.

The way out of this situation is using that power. You’re using it now. But if you’re feeling negative or judgy about it, then you’re using it to your detriment. And the detriment of your relationship.

But if you use it deliberately you can completely and totally transform this experience. Not just for you, but for your man too. And for your relationship. Let’s look at what I’m talking about.

Your thoughts create everything

I’m not going to go into great detail here. That’s the purpose of my client work. But your thoughts and beliefs are the source of your entire earthly experience. And the more you deliberately think and believe, the better your life will get.

That includes people you interact with. The more you deliberately think and believe about people in your life, the better those people will become for you. That’s how powerful you are. My clients are proving this to themselves every week. I’m experiencing it in my life too, which is why I can teach people how to do this.

Inherent in you is the ability to create any version of any experience that is consistent with your desire. You can’t change other people’s desires. You can’t, for example, create a version of your husband who is not trans-attracted. Doing so would violate free will, which is a basic tenet of All That Is.

But you can create a more joyful version of your relationship/marriage. You can make it more consistent with what you are: unconditional love. And in doing so, you can transform who you are. When you do that, the world, including your relationship and your man, will reflect that back to you.

But to use this power, you must give up blaming. You must give up blaming others for your experience. That includes giving up making your man wrong for his trans-attraction or anything he’s done.

Here’s the thing: You knew he was trans-attracted when you first met him and didn’t read the clues. Nothing happens without you knowing on some level. That’s because you are the creator of your reality. No one else is creating it.

You create your entire experience. Including your relationship. (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)

Recreating your relationship

So going forward, you have an awesome option regarding this situation: You can start deliberately thinking and believing about it. Do that and the situation will change in your favor!

Changing it has nothing to do about changing your partner. It has everything to do with YOU changing. You must become a more positive thinker/believer. You must begin reframing everything in your experience as positive. Including what your husband is doing. Do that and you’ll find your relationship seemingly miraculously changing.

So you may think the problem is what your man is doing. That’s not the problem. The problem is what you’re thinking about what your man is doing. That’s where your suffering is coming from. It’s coming from how you’re thinking and believing.

Rectifying your thoughts and beliefs isn’t easy. Mostly because many beliefs lurk beneath one’s conscious awareness. This explains why having someone like me around is helpful. I can spot unconscious beliefs in another better than they can themselves.

A therapist will not be as effective. That’s because they’re going to include your man in their solution. The problem though isn’t your man. It’s not his behavior. It’s what you’re thinking about both those subjects. Many other subjects too!

If you felt some relief reading those statements above, you’ve already had direct experience with the effectiveness of the approach I’m outlining here.

It’s powerful for a reason

This approach is extremely effective. That’s because it relies on basic building blocks of All That Is. Building blocks you constantly use to create your experience. You just don’t know that’s what you’re doing.

Do it deliberately and you will literally transform your relationship/marriage. And your husband. And yourself. The change doesn’t happen overnight. But initial signs are immediate.

The opposite is true too. If you’re worried, concerned, angry, feeling betrayed or similar emotions, you’re using this approach to create a future you’re not wanting. That’s why I wrote at the beginning that panicking is not in your best interest.

So find ways to relax. Look for things in your relationship that please you. Focus on those. Talk yourself into appreciation of your man and what you have with him. Then, maybe, you’ll feel better. Then you’ll be inspired to open a dialogue with him instead of starting a fight. Maybe you’ll be inspired to tell him you love him. That you want him to be happy no matter what. But that you’d like to remain with him and walk this path together.

If you can get there, then you have a chance. Anything that has you relax and find peace with yourself works in your best interest.

This is not a comprehensive explanation. It’s meant to offer advice that will work. But you must act on it. What I’ve written here isn’t enough to make the process work for you. There’s just not enough room to explain a process that requires hundreds of hours to master.

But mastering it gives you the keys to your kingdom. With it, you can create anything you want. Including a relationship full of unconditional love, rewarding experiences and a deepening peace and happiness.

It can save your relationship/marriage too!

Want to now more? Contact me. Let’s talk.

Transgender Women Like This Give The Rest A Bad Name 😱

Editor’s note: This post published earlier this past summer. However, a kerfuffle developed around it. So we unpublished the post. We’re re-posting it now, having changed it given input from our readers and from the legal department. Read about that kerfuffle this post triggered here.

Some transgender women act in ways that tarnish the entire community. These women do things that make life hard for everyone involved. Of course, some trans-attracted men do the same. They make it hard for all the other trans-attracted men.

But this post isn’t about the men. It’s about one specific woman. Her, and a mystery we solved last year with the help of a trans-attracted guy. What I find highly gratifying about this is how it happened perfectly demonstrates how “stories create reality” works 100 percent of the time.

For when I first heard what this person was doing, I didn’t complain about it. Rather I was fascinated by it. I wrote a blog to warn men about her. Then I privately told the story that the Universe would show me who this person was.

I wrote that post two years ago. Last summer, the Universe gave me what I wanted. Here’s how that happened.

A familiar MO

A trans-attracted guy wrote me on Instagram out of the blue. He was in the middle of divorcing his wife. While separated he tried dating this person. Things went awry, as they usually do when people don’t have their stories straight. Then, in retaliation, this trans woman outed the guy to his wife.

The wife then used the guy’s trans-attraction in court to wrest sole custody of their kids. She then called me in a tizzy about her ex being trans-attracted and how her life has been destroyed…

That’s another story.

But the guy’s experience felt super-familiar. That’s because not long before this, I received a similar story from a midwestern father who received a similar letter about his son.

So when the Instagram guy wrote me, it seemed auspicious. I’m keeping his name out of this at his request. He doesn’t want anymore drama.

The guy who helped me solve the mystery telling his story.
The guy explaining what happened.

Apparently then, this trans woman seeks men via online dating apps. When things go bad for her (because her stories match her with men matching her stories) she outs the men to wives, friends and families. And she includes our contact information.

Such actions are highly inappropriate. It’s like when people in the 80s and 90s outed gay men against their will. You’d think this woman would know better as there are many transgender women who face similar situations.

The guy who wrote me gave me her telephone number. He didn’t remember her name. But the number was enough. With it I was able to identify her. I sent the guy some pics and he confirmed the person in the pics was the girl.

Trans-vigilante: REVEALED

Her name is Úmi. If you meet a woman with that name, you might want to avoid her.

Of course men who met her and then ended up on the receiving end of her ire created that rendezvous too. They are not victims. Neither is the guy who helped me. Everyone is responsible for what they create.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help men avoid unnecessary complications on their Chaser to Transamorous journey. So guys: consider this your second warning.

This person destroyed two families and drove at least one woman (that I know of) to the brink of suicide. This is a serious matter.

If you sympathize with what Úmi has been doing because you think men deserve this, you might want to consider how it felt the last time you were on the receiving end of attention you didn’t want or abuse you felt undeserved. While everyone creates their reality, some of us with the ability to help others have the option to do so. That’s one reason why I started this blog and work with clients both trans and trans-attracted.

On that note, I must acknowledge this person was very briefly a Transamorous Network client. She did not reveal her behavior to me in the very few, preliminary sessions we had. I reached out to her several times prior to publishing this post. She did not respond to my requests.

And to be clear, should I discover men acting egregiously as this person has, I would share that information too.

A desire to serve and enjoying proof

I don’t know if she still behaves this way. She’s beautiful and, like all people, can get what she wants. I know (because all people are this way) a loving heart and compassionate spirit exists within her. Acting from rage or disempowerment isn’t helpful. It’s clear she realizes she could benefit from help. She just needs to clean up her stories, then she’ll be closer to getting what she wants.

Before she knows it, she can enjoy love from men, instead of matching up with men who trigger her ire. After all, they are only reflecting that ire back to her, reflecting her inner state of self-loathing and insecurity.

Meanwhile, I’m stoked with what happened. The Universe answers all desires. I’m glad this turned out the way it did. I got what I wanted.

I wanted to know who was using The Transamorous Network’s brand in a way that was causing unnecessary harm. In asking, the Universe gave that to me. It’s just one more example proving this practice works.

Our stories create all our experiences. Change our stories and our experiences change. Anything we ask for can be our experience. It takes some time though. This experience stretched over a couple years.

Thank goodness we’re all eternal. Because of that what’s a couple years in the context of eternity? It’s literally less than a blink of an eye.

I love it when what I share with clients gets confirmed in my own life. It’s icing to see it confirmed in my client’s lives too. And I’m appreciative the guy reached out to me the way he did. It was a perfect manifestation of my desire to know who this trans woman was.

Why People Are Born Transgender And Trans-Attracted

Why are we born transgender and trans-attracted? Why are we born at all? What’s the purpose? Why would someone want the struggle and shame? Why would we choose being so different?

Ordinary people ask similar questions. But transgender and trans-attracted people might especially want to know. Being trans or trans-attracted can bring many struggles. Struggles piled on top of struggles everyone else faces. It seems someone’s playing a cruel joke.

What gives?

Unfortunately, most people never find satisfactory answers. Life’s dramas overwhelm them. Living in modern society does too. After all, a woman’s gotta eat. A guy needs shelter. Both need healthcare.

But knowing the answers liberates anyone who has them. Because knowing the answers is a super power. With it, getting what we need happens so much easier. Transamorous Network Clients gradually discover this. Especially when it comes to finding love.

Knowing why is powerful

But transgender and trans-attracted people don’t need a mentor to enjoy lives that work. Plenty of transgender people live lives of influence. Lives full of personal and professional satisfaction. Lives filled with love and belonging.

But even those people will eventually face the ultimate test: death. How one handles that experience determines what happens next. So even someone with a happy life can enjoy benefits coming from knowing why we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted. The answer greatly enriches even the happiest life.

Besides, we don’t really know how happy a person is. Outward appearances don’t always equate to inner happiness. That explains why so may seemingly successful, happy people kill themselves. But the answer can prevent suicide too. That’s how powerful the answer is.

This is trans activist, owner of the Miss Universe pageant and the third richest transgender person in the world, Anne Jakrajutatip. Lots of trans people are successful and influential. But we can’t know if they’re really happy or not. (Photo By POPPORY FASHION BLOG, CC BY 3.0)

In fact, knowing the answer is like a magic spell. One that actually works though. Taking time to know the answer, then, can transform lives. It’s a wonder so many don’t take the time to get it.

So what is it? What’s the answer? Why do we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted? Hang on to your hat, sweet pea. The answer is deep.

We are that which we call God

We come here, because the very act of coming is literally expanding the Universe. Our arrival literally is All That Is focusing itself into becoming more of all that is. I know, I’m using the word “literally” often in this paragraph. But it literally cannot be stated anymore clearly than this. Our individual human experience is the process by which All That Is becomes more. It’s not just the process though. Our human experience, our consciousness, is Universe.

So Universal expansion occurs through our experience. So what?

Well, imagine a god. It’s eternal, all-knowing. It experiences itself as constantly expanding. But it wants more. So it continues expanding into its own expansion. And the more it expands, the more it creates to expand into. “New” then, becomes that which occupies it most. Because “new” represents more expansion. So the more “new” it can experience, the more it becomes.

Transgender isn’t new. Neither is trans-attraction. But our specific experience of it is. And so you and me coming in to the world now represents “new”. A new perspective. A new experience.

Well, let’s get back to that god.

It has always been. It has seen everything that comes to be, unfold in ways that keep things being. Everything becomes better as it becomes more. Everything works out. So how do you think that god would feel about all that?

That’s right! It would be eager about it. It would be joyful in its creations. Especially any new instance of experience.

Well, we, as a transgender and trans-attracted humans represent that new experience. What’s more, that hypothetical god introduced above is us, having this human experience. We’re the eternal being pleased beyond measure with our expansion.

Here’s the benefit of knowing

When we perceive our life on Earth the way we perceive it from our “godly” realm, then we enjoy all that we are the same way that hypothetical god does: with eagerness. There’s great benefit in doing that.

Because when we do, we let go of stories (beliefs) creating experiences we don’t want. How do you think the world around us happens? It happens through our collective focus. It literally happens “through” us.

When we realize we are that which creates the world around us, we have tremendous leverage of the entire Universe at our disposal. Leverage we can use consciously, deliberately to create lives we love. No matter what that looks like.

But it takes a while to learn how to harness that leverage. It takes a while to unlearn how we look at and interpret the world. It also takes a while to learn to see it the way I’m describing. That’s why a mentor can be helpful. My clients get it. Like Penelope here, who is transgender:

Learning to see life in its original cast offers TREMENDOUS opportunity. This is why my clients rave about being clients!

A delicious, satisfying life

The best version of life is being an instance of the god we are, adding to expansion, and being consciously aware that’s what we’re doing. We literally are that sacred, glorious, act of creation. Realizing this, life becomes absolutely amazing and delicious, as my clients and I can attest.

Even the word “delicious“ cannot adequately convey how absolutely satisfying life gets. Yes, transgender and trans-attracted lives included. The experience I’m describing becomes intoxicating. It becomes wonderful beyond words. As it does, everything we want happens too, as it should. After all, if we are gods, and we are, what is beyond our abilities?

That’s right! Nothing.

And so what would you create? If you knew you are creator, what would you create? This is what my clients and I are about: creating and living lives full of things we love. And everything else we want too, all coming to us effortlessly. Because we are the creators of our lives.

It starts with learning to satisfy our desires. Satisfied desires become the basis of the life that’s possible. Eventually, though, our intentions expand to include bolder creations. Creations leading to truly extraordinary experiences.

The no-limits life

The charmed life in its fullest is the experience described above. The absolutely satisfying, conscious awareness of every particle of expansion we create as god. That creation moving out from our consciousness, becoming the world around us. A world defined and created by our deliberate intent. Physical reality bending to our will, literally.

It’s in that full experience where one begins really exploring how far they can take things. Only our imagination limits us.

So physical life experience as a transgender or trans-attracted person contributes to All That Is. Remember, we each are All That Is. So our life is a contribution to ourselves. The trick is realizing this as a knowing, not mere intellectual understanding. When that happens, the power of the Universe lines up behind us.

Then everything becomes possible. No limits. Fulfillment of every desire. I think everyone would want that, whether they’re trans, trans-attracted or not. Why so few are open to discovering this is a wonder, for sure.

My own experience proves the extremely gratifying nature of expanding awareness. I’m seeing things people think impossible becoming my reality. It’s gradual, and that’s for good reasons. I want to savor every moment of expansion. If it all happened at once it would be totally overwhelming!

Expansion is a given, but awareness is optional

Our collective participation in All That Is’ expansion is a given. The only question is: are we consciously participating in it or not? Rewards from consciously doing so are enormous. My clients are well on the way to realizing this, as am I. I’d love to include you too. The more the merrier!

So why are we born? What’s the purpose? Why would I choose being so different? Why did you?

Answering these questions is so worth it. Receiving the answers literally gives us everything we want. Including things we didn’t realize we wanted. Things far more satisfying than a lover, a great career, a new car or other material thing.

Transgender and trans-attracted people come into this world with a truly divine intent. Expansion is the fundamental nature of All That Is. It is our fundamental nature. Conscious realization of that has no peer in terms of satisfaction, delight, or joy.

Experience it directly. Contact me. Let’s get started.

Most Trans-Attracted Men Don’t Know What They’re Doing. Forgive Them.

Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash

If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.

Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective.

Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.

Transgender women do this too.

Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even more fearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.

It’s meant this way

But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.

After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.

Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.

“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?


All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above them all. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).

And so are we.

Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

Back to the guys

Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.

In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.

If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.

But some do. Some like my clients.

Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.

A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.

So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?

Then see what happens next.

Men Who “Bottom” Offer Pleasure To Trans Women

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading.

Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?

So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.

The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.

An unexpected enlightenment

A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:

A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.

Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.

What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.

Perfect matches exist

Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do.

But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist.

Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.

Focus on wanted, not the opposite

If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him.

But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.

No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.

But they do exist.

A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.