The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

TLDR: A Netflix Limited Series sheds light on the sexually divergent nature of trans attraction and celebrates the main character as he embraces his authenticity. The author suggests the Netflix series manifests from push back against trans people seen in parts of the world and they suggest those who see the world similarly help create an even more supportive world for trans people.

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer).

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way.

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

How A Hidden Truth Kills Off Trans And Trans-Attracted Love

Photo by Michael Carruth on Unsplash

TLDR: A man befriends a transgender neighbor, recognizing the power stories hold over perceptions and beliefs. Despite clear intentions for platonic friendship, the woman’s past experiences cloud her judgment, illustrating how entrenched narratives shape, and sometimes limit, our reality and relationships.

The following experience happened a couple years ago. Sometimes, I start writing about an experience, but then my intuition tells me to wait. That’s what happened with this story. It’s still pertinent though. Because it shows how powerful our stories are.

Our stories literally shape our reality. They shape our relationships too. Even when our reality offers evidence disproving our stories, stories will still dominate. When they do, we can’t see disproving evidence. All we can see is evidence proving our stories “true”.

That’s a problem because it kills off potentially satisfying love between trans-attracted and transgender people.

Even if the Universe tries to give us experiences disproving disempowering beliefs, we won’t see them. So we stay stuck. Stuck in unsatisfying lives. Lives we keep creating with stories about what’s “true”.

If we want a more satisfying life, especially in love, we first must soften our holding on to stories creating our truth. This post offers a perfect example of how hard that can be. Our stories become so true, they (the stories) recede from our consciousness. When they do that, the life they create – to us – occurs as “that’s just the way life is.”

The stories become hidden. Then we’re stuck.

Let’s look at this excellent example.

The set up

Two years ago, I lived in a house with several others. One day, I went for a walk. I had just crossed the block when I looked up and saw someone sitting on their porch.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hello,” they said back.

I’m a friendly person. Usually, when I cross paths with someone I’ll say hello. Especially if I grok that they’re open to talking with a stranger. Sometimes it’s clear they’re “inwardly focused”. Or something’s got their attention and their “I’m closed for business” sign is on their door. In those cases, I’ll remain silent.

In this case, however, it felt right to say hello. So I did.

When the person – who was presenting as a girl – said hello back, it triggered my trans-gay-dar. Now, trans women, don’t be offended. I’ve often heard some trans-attracted and transamorous guys say they can tell when they spot transgender women. It doesn’t matter how passable they are, these men say. It’s just obvious to them.

I think that’s because they are pre-wired to perceive accurately what they’re attracted to. Just as some people are instantly aware that the person they met is someone they’ll end up married to. It’s like that.

That’s my experience too. It’s like “gaydar” – the ability of a gay man to recognize other gay men. I call this trans-attracted ability trans-gay-dar. (Now women, I’m not using that phrase to imply trans women are gay men. So don’t go there, ok?)

I get to know her

So when I saw this person on her porch, even before she said hello, I knew she was trans. Of course, it helped that it was obvious she was in the early stages of her transition. Ladies, you know what signs I’m referring to so I won’t spell all that out. Let’s just agree it was obvious.

It also was obvious that I was interested in her. Not as a potential partner though. Even back then – yes two years ago is a while – I was clear I’d rather enjoy my own company than be in a traditional relationship. So my interest was more about befriending this person. Not getting in her pants. Or even going on a date with her.

The next time I went out on a walk, she was on her porch again. This time I was returning home. She saw me, I saw her. She said hello first this time. I said hi back. A beer can sat on the small wooden table beside her chair. She took a drag on her cigarette while I continued past.

This happened a couple more times before I decided to chat her up neighborly style. Rather than passing by, I walked up the short path to steps leading to her porch. I stood by the rail and introduced myself. She told me her name, then she invited me up onto her porch. Once there, we enjoyed a pleasant exchange typical of neighbors meeting one another. I enjoyed it. I think she did too.

Next-level neighbors

The next few times I passed by her house, she happened to be on her porch, smoking her cigs and drinking. Turns out she’s a fairly-known musician. She started her transition not long ago with her band mates fully supporting her. I told her that was really cool. She didn’t ask what I did and I didn’t offer any information. I really enjoyed hearing about her. Consistent with my experience with meeting trans women, she was super smart, interesting and creative. I liked that about her. And I was clear being neighbors was all I was interested in.

Then one day I was baking some biscuits at home. I make killer biscuits. This time, I decided to make them with cheese and ham. While making them, I had a thought about giving a couple to “Ally”. I thought it would be a neighborly thing to do.

I knocked on her door, but she wasn’t there. So I left them with one her housemates along with instructions on how to warm them up. I also asked her to return the container I put them in. I included directions to where I lived.

A couple days later I received this along with my container:

She’s right. They were a delight.

I thought that was sweet. It felt like we had made a nice, neighborly connection. And now I also had someone I could share my baked goods with!

Truth rears its ugly head

Ally told me more about her music and her transition over the next couple times we happened to see each other. We met each time on her porch “coincidentally”. One day she asked: “What do you do?”

These days, my pat response to that question is: “As little as possible”. For me, life is about BEING. Not doing. I’m told westerners habitually jump right to what a person does for work when they make small talk. Not so, I’m told, in Europe. There, again, I’m told, people are more interested in YOU, not what you do for work.

Back then though, I did what every American does when asked that question. I told her that I write stories, particularly stories to help trans-attracted men and transgender women find partners.

Now, remember what this story is about! It’s about people’s “truth”; that their truth comes from their stories. And once their stories become their “truth”, they can’t see evidence disproving that “truth”.

The moment I stopped sharing what I “do”, A distinct shift occurred in Ally’s demeanor. It was clear I triggered some beliefs she had. I explained again that I had no amorous intentions toward her. Instead, I said, I just wanted to be neighbor-friends. The next few exchanges happened over Instagram, where we had followed each other.

The exchange on the topic of Ally’s shift. Blacked out paragraphs in the exchange are on an unrelated topic.

The result…

So what happened? Ally’s “truth” about trans-attracted guys dominated her ability to understand her CURRENT experience. Here she had a non-threatening, awesome opportunity to MAKE FRIENDS with someone who could LITERALLY help her re-write her beliefs about past experiences. It could also soothe some fears she has about her life. Instead, her beliefs caused her to see a threat. Even though she expressed openness and a desire – at some point – to re-engage, she never did.

Now, I’m ok with that. It’s her life. She has a right to it. And her experiences are valid.


If you’ve read my stories before, you have a sense of what kind of person I am. You also have a sense of what I think about trans women. A neighborly relationship with me could have significantly altered Ally’s trajectory. I represent a data point totally inconsistent with her past experiences.

But those past experiences, and more importantly, her stories about those experiences, didn’t allow her to see disproving evidence I represented.

How often has this happened with you? Probably at least a few times.

I get it can feel scary trusting in the absence of evidence, or even worse, in the presence of evidence that trust can’t be given. And I’m not asking trans women do that. What I am asking is that they be aware that their stories are creating their reality. Then do something about that. I write every week about what “do something” looks like. And there’s no risk to doing that. Instead, it’s all upside.

Ignoring some “truth” will set us free

I don’t fault Ally for where she is. Again, her experiences are true for her. But her beliefs and conclusions drawn about the past perpetuate those experiences into the future as expectations. That makes it very hard to avoid bringing those experiences into her present. And this is what happened between her and I.

Still, I enjoyed getting to know her. She’s super smart, creative and fun to talk with. But her past colored her experience with me, someone who wasn’t like those guys she may have experienced back then. Even when I explicitly pointed out the difference she couldn’t shake loose from her beliefs.

Ally’s a great example to compare with your own. Whether trans-attracted of transgender, conclusions we draw about past experience re-creates those experiences today. We don’t even need the experience! Our beliefs will cause us to see even a totally different experience the way we experienced that past experience, leaving us unable to enjoy what’s unfolding right before our eyes.

And this is how we all usually create our reality. Thus proving the adage: past is prologue.

So leverage comes from knowing what you’re reading. For then we can do something different. We don’t have to listen to what our stories are telling us. We can create new ones. And in that creation, we can create better experiences. Better lives. And better interactions with potential partners.

It’s not easy seeing one’s active beliefs if we don’t know where to look. It is easy once we know where to look. And it can help having someone like me showing you were those active, but invisible, beliefs are causing you to have the same experiences over and over. Let’s get you out of that pattern.

How A Transgender Woman Learned To Love Her Dick

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Editors Note: This is a story by Kari Lassauniere, a transgender woman I have the distinct pleasure of knowing. I’m sharing it because the story offers a perspective that can be of great value to transgender women. I’ve edited it just slightly.

How did I get to accept the penis as a feminine body part? Or more importantly: how did I get to accept MY penis as part of MY feminine body?

This will be an article where we are going to talk about genitals. Sex stuff is going to come up. Colloquial and medical terms for specific genitals are going to be used.

I would, however, ask that you keep in mind I am trans femme. I write for myself and about trans women. But first, a little recap on what we are supposed to think about when it comes to trans genitals and why thinking that way is junk. Not that junk though. 🤣

The current narrative surrounding transgender women accepting themselves and then coming out runs something like this: As a child the trans person just knew they were trans. As a small child they intrinsically knew what being trans meant and that they needed to transition to survive.

This will manifest as a feeling of being “Born in the wrong body”. They will consequently have an awful childhood, no matter how supportive their parents are. They will come out publicly at some point and embrace all the überfemme stereotypes. At some point they will start hormone replacement therapy. They will absolutely hate their genitals and they will at some point have bottom surgery, specifically a vaginoplasty.

This is wrong. It’s all completely wrong and we need to tear it up and toss it out.

A different take

I am not saying trans people don’t need to transition, or that surgery may not be necessary. I am not even saying that embracing whatever expression of femininity that has resonance within you is wrong, even when that expression is looking like a barbie and dressing age inappropriately.

What I am saying is wrong, is the cis-heteronormative lens trans people and transition are viewed from. As long as you view yourself and your identity through this lens, you cannot accept yourself nor your transition in its entirety. With this conception of trans people and transition, genital surgeries are mandatory.

Through the lens of cis-heteronormativity the cis body, and state of being, is considered normal and desirable. Being transgender, on the other hand, is an abnormal and undesirable state. The state of being trans, in a cis-heteronormative society, is to be a faulty product sent back for repair. This is because through this lens “woman” actually describes “cis-woman”.

Dave Chapelle refers to a neovagina as “impossible pussy” in reference to the “Impossible Burger”. It’s not real meat, he says. It’s as near as can be without slaughtering a cow, but it’s still not beef.

Dave Chappell (left) with Jon Stewart performing at Royal Albert Hall in 2018 By Raph_PH

Listening to many trans women speak about their neovaginas, they use words like “it looks like a real vagina” or “it’s indistinguishable from a cis vagina”. I use the examples of Dave Chapelle, a virulent transphobe, and trans women because it highlights the near universality of this view of trans people. Both transphobes and trans people accept this paradigm. We, as trans people, buy this narrative just as readily as cisgender people.

However, a vagina is just one part of a woman and this view extrapolates beyond mere genitals. Cis-women are seen as the real McCoy and trans women as the near perfect imitation, if the transes have the snippity-snip-snip that is. This ideology, the idea that cis is normal and trans abnormal, starts at birth and pervades every inch of trans and cis lives. Worse yet it harms both cis and trans people.

An inconvenient mandate

When a child is born, a few things happen. The newborn gets weighed, measured and gendered. This is the first interaction the child will have with the prescriptive system dictating their existence from there on out. Gender is an understanding of oneself and as such, looking at a baby’s junk, before that baby has the mental capacity to understand the self, then declaring the baby’s gender as known – by the presence of a penis or vagina – is incorrect.

The best a doctor can actually do is assess the child’s genitals and make a relatively safe assumption as to what gender the child is, but at birth no one can be sure. By recording a known gender on a birth certificate and saying “Congratulations! It’s a Boy!!” a child is made either cisgender or transgender. You cannot be transgender if you have no gender to be incongruent with.

This is where the fault lies, this is where trans people learn to hate themselves. Within minutes of our birth we are labelled, categorised, documented, and our disorder cemented. In that instant we go from being a child full of potential, to a tragic story that needs surgery to – at best – be a very good facsimile of the real deal.

We also need to ask exactly what is a cis gender boy or girl? What exactly are we imposing on cis kids? Maybe they don’t feel the intense dysphoria a trans child feels, but by imposing a gender on that child, are we not stifling their understanding of themselves and their potential? Are we not putting the newborn into a limiting box?

In that moment, your genital configuration at birth becomes a predictor of your entire life story. If your gender happens to coincide with what society accepts as the genitals appropriate for your gender, you are cis. If, however, your genitals do not coincide with the socially “normal”, you are transgender and you are now abnormal.

A psychologist describing the “abnormal” state many transgender women fall into, which feels like self-loathing.

Coming to love her dick

So we get back to my earlier statement of genital surgery being mandatory in a cis-heteronormative society. When you accept cis as normal and trans as abnormal, you also accept prescribed remedies to bring the transgender body into normalcy.

Unfortunately, in this environment, your new genitals will always be “Impossible Pussy” and never a “Real vagina”.

You will be forever trapped in the wrong body.

Once again we need to ask the question: How did Queer Kari learn to stop worrying and love her dick? It’s a profound question. Strangely it had nothing to do with my penis. In fact it was completely unintentional.

I was born and assigned male at birth. Growing up I had the distinct understanding that there was an incongruity with my understanding of myself, and the identity imposed on me. I didn’t want to play with Barbie and I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the colour pink. I simply understood that I was not what the world understood me to be.

Later at Kindergarten, our class was divided into boys and girls for activities. And this is where the incongruence came a little more into focus. There I understood that I was seen as a boy. Unfortunately I neither had the vocabulary or understanding of myself to adequately express to either my parents and teachers that I was, in fact, some form of girl.

It was only much later when I had pried myself from the iron embrace of my parents expectations, society’s prejudices and religion’s clasp, that I was able to admit to myself that I was not male. When I did come out, when I did fully grasp what I was and was able to resolve the incongruence, my first stop was to start the process toward vaginoplasty.

We don’t understand gender

Before I got there though, I made a stop at hormone replacement therapy and feminism. Somewhere in the process of growing boobs, and a steady diet of Contrapoints, feminism and losing my male privilege, I realised something: Much like male privilege, cis privilege is a thing.

Cis Privilege is the idea that cis is the norm, the default and trans is not merely another state of being, but an abnormal one. This privileges cis people over trans people and creates a social inequality that cannot be opted out of. I cannot choose to be cis as a black person cannot choose to be white, as Matt Walsh cannot choose to not be an idiot.

This is what is completely wrong. And this is what must be torn up and thrown out.

When we remove the idea that trans is an opposite to cis, we accept that it is, in fact, just another possible state of being. Neither wrong nor right, merely being. From this position, the words “transgender” and “transition” can be understood to be constructed incorrectly.

If you understand trans as a “normal” state, then the word transgender shifts from meaning “someone whose gender is incongruent with their biology” to “someone whose genitals at birth are a variant differing from the mean. We move to a position where we must accept that some women have a dick. Similarly when we look at the process we have labelled “transition”, we must ask: what exactly are we transitioning to and from?

Finding herself

When we accept the imposition that a gender is incorrect and that gender is an understanding of the self, it follows, then, that someone like me may never have been identified as a male. If I had a say in it, I would have ticked the F or NB box. And if this is an understanding of myself, exactly what gender am I “transitioning” from and too?

That is to say, no one is cis or trans, they merely are.

I didn’t accept my penis and learn to love it, I learnt that we as humans simply don’t understand gender. I simply choose to refuse to accept cis privilege. I am not “impossible”.

I am.

My penis was never a male penis. My body was never a male body. To me transition is a flawed term describing treatment for a hormonal problem that was causing me depression.

I am not transgender. I am Kari.

I Violated The Rules. What Happened Next Was Great.

Editor’s note: The Transamorous Network publishes across several platforms. is one of those. This story describes what happened when Medium’s lawyers contacted us about last week’s post.

When I noticed the email from their lawyers, a lump formed in my throat. Only for a second though. That’s because I know what I know: I create my reality. So what was about to happen was going to be more of what’s come before: really good stuff.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I write posts for The Transamorous Network to inspire transgender women and trans-attracted men towards getting what they want. In doing that, I’m doing my part to bring both communities together. They’re really one community. But because both sides vilify one another, they look like two communities. They’re not, however.

Most posts tell how my clients’ lives become happier after practicing what I offer. Their lives become happier when clients learn how stories create reality. Then they learn how to use that knowledge to deliberately create lives in which everything they want happens.

But I sometimes share about my life. For me, life is a living laboratory. I want to see how good life can get. If we all create our reality, I dare to create something never seen before. So I’m pushing this practice to its extremes. I practice what I preach, in other words.

As a result, some posts I write share what’s happening with me. That’s what I shared in a recent post. A post I’ve since deleted.

I deleted it after engaging with’s lawyers. They didn’t tell me to delete it. I deleted it on my own.

But again, I’m getting ahead of myself.

My evidence gets me in trouble

Last week I posted a story about a transgender woman who was outing trans-attracted men around the country. She would date them briefly. Then she’d send letters to family members or wives outing the men. I didn’t know who this woman was. I wanted to know her, though.

So I set my intention to discover her. The post described how that happened. It happened in this incredible way. One I couldn’t have planned, because it involved people I didn’t even know.

Previous posts about this unfolding warned men to look out for her and avoid her. There’s a vigilante out there, I told my trans-attracted readers. So when my intention fulfilled itself, by bringing me her identity, I saw it as my role to help men avoid getting into trouble. I therefore included the woman’s first name. I also included pictures of her.

While the story was still published, I received positive reactions. One comment on caught my attention though. A transgender woman wrote disapprovingly about me including the woman’s picture.

Now, again, I practice what I share with my clients extensively in my own life. One area I’ve intended deliberately is connecting with people who appreciate what I share. Especially people who are respectful and kind. So it didn’t surprise me, nor did I miss how gentle and kind this trans woman expressed her disapproval. She was firm, but she made a request that I remove the perpetrator’s picture and thanked me in advance. She would check back, she said, and if the picture remained, she would report the post to for violating their terms.

Here’s her comment:

The kind, but firm comment I appreciated.

Calling the moderation police

I replied to the trans woman with equal gentleness. Here’s what I wrote:

I think this surprised the commenter. She replied with another really kind comment. It included more detail for why she wrote her first comment. Her rationale made a lot of sense. Much of it I agreed with. Here’s what she wrote:

And, in full transparency, here’s how I responded. We see the world very similarly. Yet, there’s a fair distinction too. Neither is right or wrong.

My message to the moderators got a relatively immediate reply. It said they hadn’t read the post yet, but would. Based on my initial inquiry, they asked if I owned rights to the photos. I did not.

I prepared to remove the photos because of the rights claim. But I also wanted to hear what they thought after reading the post. With all this attention on it, I forgot what the post really was about. It wasn’t about targeting this transgender woman. Instead, it mainly described how my intention delightfully fulfilled itself. And how I resolved the mystery with no effort on my part.

That’s something I promise awaits anyone who learns what I offer: The ability to manifest anything they want with no effort. Including fantastic love lives.

A perspective-transforming email

The next morning, I got an email from “”. It wasn’t at all what I expected. Instead of saying whether the post violated their terms, it was an appeal employing the Socratic Method. It caught me by surprise. I’ll append a screen shot of the response at the end of this story, followed by their very kind followup.

The email went straight to the matter. It felt like a better version of me was talking to myself. The writer after laying out their perspective asked a question. Upon reading their argument, all I could do is agree: I may or may not have violated the terms. But that wasn’t the point. The question was, do I align with’s goal?’s awesome about statement.

Of course I do align with it. But what happened next was transformative.

I felt two powerful emotions after reading their appeal. One was embarrassment. The other: shame. I knew everything the appeal offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?

I’ll answer that in a bit.

Meanwhile, something remarkable happened. Because of what I practice, I knew what “embarrassment” and “shame” were telling me. In that split-second I felt those emotions, I used them to discover really disempowering stories. Stories I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about had this not happened.

In other words, the emotions were good. Not because I should be embarrassed and ashamed. But because they offered tremendous transformation.

The goodness in “bad” situations

My Broader Perspective knew this was a transformative opportunity. One that would benefit me hugely going forward. But stories active in me said “You did something wrong.” “You’re a bad person.”, “You’re a hypocrite.”

Everything happening in life offers extreme value. I wanted to write, just now, “everything happening in life is good“. But the word “good”, for us humans, fouls up our minds. That’s because our concept of “good” is highly restricted.

So “value” is a better word. Everything happening holds great value.

But, humans are free to create any interpretation they want about what’s happening. Interpreting what’s happening as anything other than valuable, however, creates realities matching that “off” interpretation.

This explains why it’s very hard, if not impossible, to find a lover if we believe one doesn’t exist. Or if we believe the target of our affection will never want us. Or if we don’t believe we’re good enough to have that love. Our beliefs are the place from which our reality springs.

Life works that way so we can “true” up our stories/beliefs/interpretations so they match what’s really happening. In doing that, we align ourselves with our unfolding desires. Our life then fills with what we want. It does that with no effort on our part. So when life “goes wrong” or seems “bad”, it’s good. Life is showing us something important so we can do something about it.

The gifts begin rolling in

What you just read comprises the foundation for The Transamorous Network practice. Clients and I take a journey towards getting all we want, effortlessly. It is possible. But that experience requires removing many, many beliefs we have. Many we have created ourselves, but many others we’ve adopted from the world around us. Including other people.

Shame and embarrassment pointed to beliefs of the latter variety. For me, they got started in childhood, with parents, teachers and others doing what they thought was “educating” me. Later, workplace “performance reviews” perpetuated such beliefs. Friendships and lovers perpetuated them too. Registering lovers’ and friends’ disapproval in me often amplified similar beliefs.

But I’m not that child who needed education. I never was. Nor was I what supervisors, past friends or lovers saw. Instead, I’m an eternal, wise, rambunctious being. An eternal being that enjoys total freedom as part of All That Is. An eternal being on a glorious adventure of life in physical reality!

I no longer need to hold onto those bogus stories! But I can’t release them unless I know they’re there. This whole experience showed me where they were!

For ALL it’s worth

That was the first gift of this whole encounter: Recognition and acknowledgment. From there, I saw the transgender woman who commented, and the legal team member, were helping me realize something important. They showed me the dominant self-image I hold.

Both people were kind and respectful, loving even. The legal team member, especially, communicated in a way I deeply appreciated. But both reflect back to me my own inner self-concept (a story). One that says “I want to be someone who is decent, loving and kind to all people.”

I hadn’t been a loving person with the perpetrator, I thought. But then I realized the next major benefit this experience offered. It offered the opportunity to serve her in the way the legal person and the commenter served me.

Understanding how this unfolded requires acknowledging the complexity inherent in life experience. But it’s so good to tell. It’s good to tell because it shows how we all are one. We’re all helping one another expand into more of the decent, loving, eternal beings we all are.

Remember the question I posed earlier?

I knew everything the legal team member offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?

The following section answers that question.

One of many benefits

We’re all connected. We’re also all moving through the exact same process: We’re expanding into the fuller nature of who/what we are. Each of us exist in unique “locations” on this expansionary process. But we all help one another as we help ourselves.

Abraham calls this “helping” aspect of life “cooperative components.” In other words, people act as cooperative components to others’ individual expansion. They reflect back to us what we need to expand. Life experience generally does this too. It’s the major “purpose” of life experience. It doesn’t matter that we often are oblivious to these cooperative components. They’re helping anyway.

So Úmi, the woman I “outed” in the deleted post, is undergoing her expansion, as am I. As are you. Úmi has experienced a lot of troubling and traumatic situations. Especially at the hands of men. Of course, she’s creating those. She creates them through stories she tells. As she tells them, she creates situations which reflect those stories back to her.

Úmi, then, is creating experiences with men which reflect her own inner conflicts about her life, who she believes she is and a host of other subjects. Attacking men, their wives and families is a lashing out at that reality. The reality is there to have her see what’s happening inside her, though. She doesn’t know this, of course, so she blames her situation for how she feels. Meeting The Transamorous Network and using it as a tool caused me to rendezvous with her and her stories. I became, therefore, a cooperative component of her expansion.

So me including her photos in the story was a reflection of what she was doing to these men: outing them to loved ones. My act served as a cooperative component to Úmi’s personal expansion.

Multi-layered beneficial expansion

In a crude sense, she got a taste of her own medicine. Me exposing her the way I did served her. But it also served me in the way I described throughout this post, with cooperative components simultaneously showing beliefs in me I must release. I must release them to move forward in my process. In the same way, Úmi must release stories holding her back. Or face increasingly intense experiences until she eventually does release them.

Nothing goes wrong in life. It all serves, moving all of us into greater levels of appreciation and love, especially self-love. Along the way, if we’re aware, we can deliberately shape the process. And in shaping it, we can experience joyful, fulfilling lives. Lives, again, where desires fulfill themselves with little effort on our parts.

So this entire experience was one of profound movement through stories I had. Stories whose time was up. Stories I was ready to release. The experince was totally consistent with many other experiences happening these days.

Looking back, I appreciate everything that happened. Especially the trans woman who commented on the story. I even appreciate Úmi, the woman who terrorized those men, their wives and families.

I equally appreciate the Medium legal team member, who, at the end suggested I could repost the story and just leave out the part that targets the woman.

Good idea. I think I’ll do that.

Now, as promised, here’s Medium’s response email, followed by my and their replies.

Why People Are Born Transgender And Trans-Attracted

Why are we born transgender and trans-attracted? Why are we born at all? What’s the purpose? Why would someone want the struggle and shame? Why would we choose being so different?

Ordinary people ask similar questions. But transgender and trans-attracted people might especially want to know. Being trans or trans-attracted can bring many struggles. Struggles piled on top of struggles everyone else faces. It seems someone’s playing a cruel joke.

What gives?

Unfortunately, most people never find satisfactory answers. Life’s dramas overwhelm them. Living in modern society does too. After all, a woman’s gotta eat. A guy needs shelter. Both need healthcare.

But knowing the answers liberates anyone who has them. Because knowing the answers is a super power. With it, getting what we need happens so much easier. Transamorous Network Clients gradually discover this. Especially when it comes to finding love.

Knowing why is powerful

But transgender and trans-attracted people don’t need a mentor to enjoy lives that work. Plenty of transgender people live lives of influence. Lives full of personal and professional satisfaction. Lives filled with love and belonging.

But even those people will eventually face the ultimate test: death. How one handles that experience determines what happens next. So even someone with a happy life can enjoy benefits coming from knowing why we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted. The answer greatly enriches even the happiest life.

Besides, we don’t really know how happy a person is. Outward appearances don’t always equate to inner happiness. That explains why so may seemingly successful, happy people kill themselves. But the answer can prevent suicide too. That’s how powerful the answer is.

This is trans activist, owner of the Miss Universe pageant and the third richest transgender person in the world, Anne Jakrajutatip. Lots of trans people are successful and influential. But we can’t know if they’re really happy or not. (Photo By POPPORY FASHION BLOG, CC BY 3.0)

In fact, knowing the answer is like a magic spell. One that actually works though. Taking time to know the answer, then, can transform lives. It’s a wonder so many don’t take the time to get it.

So what is it? What’s the answer? Why do we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted? Hang on to your hat, sweet pea. The answer is deep.

We are that which we call God

We come here, because the very act of coming is literally expanding the Universe. Our arrival literally is All That Is focusing itself into becoming more of all that is. I know, I’m using the word “literally” often in this paragraph. But it literally cannot be stated anymore clearly than this. Our individual human experience is the process by which All That Is becomes more. It’s not just the process though. Our human experience, our consciousness, is Universe.

So Universal expansion occurs through our experience. So what?

Well, imagine a god. It’s eternal, all-knowing. It experiences itself as constantly expanding. But it wants more. So it continues expanding into its own expansion. And the more it expands, the more it creates to expand into. “New” then, becomes that which occupies it most. Because “new” represents more expansion. So the more “new” it can experience, the more it becomes.

Transgender isn’t new. Neither is trans-attraction. But our specific experience of it is. And so you and me coming in to the world now represents “new”. A new perspective. A new experience.

Well, let’s get back to that god.

It has always been. It has seen everything that comes to be, unfold in ways that keep things being. Everything becomes better as it becomes more. Everything works out. So how do you think that god would feel about all that?

That’s right! It would be eager about it. It would be joyful in its creations. Especially any new instance of experience.

Well, we, as a transgender and trans-attracted humans represent that new experience. What’s more, that hypothetical god introduced above is us, having this human experience. We’re the eternal being pleased beyond measure with our expansion.

Here’s the benefit of knowing

When we perceive our life on Earth the way we perceive it from our “godly” realm, then we enjoy all that we are the same way that hypothetical god does: with eagerness. There’s great benefit in doing that.

Because when we do, we let go of stories (beliefs) creating experiences we don’t want. How do you think the world around us happens? It happens through our collective focus. It literally happens “through” us.

When we realize we are that which creates the world around us, we have tremendous leverage of the entire Universe at our disposal. Leverage we can use consciously, deliberately to create lives we love. No matter what that looks like.

But it takes a while to learn how to harness that leverage. It takes a while to unlearn how we look at and interpret the world. It also takes a while to learn to see it the way I’m describing. That’s why a mentor can be helpful. My clients get it. Like Penelope here, who is transgender:

Learning to see life in its original cast offers TREMENDOUS opportunity. This is why my clients rave about being clients!

A delicious, satisfying life

The best version of life is being an instance of the god we are, adding to expansion, and being consciously aware that’s what we’re doing. We literally are that sacred, glorious, act of creation. Realizing this, life becomes absolutely amazing and delicious, as my clients and I can attest.

Even the word “delicious“ cannot adequately convey how absolutely satisfying life gets. Yes, transgender and trans-attracted lives included. The experience I’m describing becomes intoxicating. It becomes wonderful beyond words. As it does, everything we want happens too, as it should. After all, if we are gods, and we are, what is beyond our abilities?

That’s right! Nothing.

And so what would you create? If you knew you are creator, what would you create? This is what my clients and I are about: creating and living lives full of things we love. And everything else we want too, all coming to us effortlessly. Because we are the creators of our lives.

It starts with learning to satisfy our desires. Satisfied desires become the basis of the life that’s possible. Eventually, though, our intentions expand to include bolder creations. Creations leading to truly extraordinary experiences.

The no-limits life

The charmed life in its fullest is the experience described above. The absolutely satisfying, conscious awareness of every particle of expansion we create as god. That creation moving out from our consciousness, becoming the world around us. A world defined and created by our deliberate intent. Physical reality bending to our will, literally.

It’s in that full experience where one begins really exploring how far they can take things. Only our imagination limits us.

So physical life experience as a transgender or trans-attracted person contributes to All That Is. Remember, we each are All That Is. So our life is a contribution to ourselves. The trick is realizing this as a knowing, not mere intellectual understanding. When that happens, the power of the Universe lines up behind us.

Then everything becomes possible. No limits. Fulfillment of every desire. I think everyone would want that, whether they’re trans, trans-attracted or not. Why so few are open to discovering this is a wonder, for sure.

My own experience proves the extremely gratifying nature of expanding awareness. I’m seeing things people think impossible becoming my reality. It’s gradual, and that’s for good reasons. I want to savor every moment of expansion. If it all happened at once it would be totally overwhelming!

Expansion is a given, but awareness is optional

Our collective participation in All That Is’ expansion is a given. The only question is: are we consciously participating in it or not? Rewards from consciously doing so are enormous. My clients are well on the way to realizing this, as am I. I’d love to include you too. The more the merrier!

So why are we born? What’s the purpose? Why would I choose being so different? Why did you?

Answering these questions is so worth it. Receiving the answers literally gives us everything we want. Including things we didn’t realize we wanted. Things far more satisfying than a lover, a great career, a new car or other material thing.

Transgender and trans-attracted people come into this world with a truly divine intent. Expansion is the fundamental nature of All That Is. It is our fundamental nature. Conscious realization of that has no peer in terms of satisfaction, delight, or joy.

Experience it directly. Contact me. Let’s get started.