TL;DR: To my surprise, The Transamorous Network remains relevant as trans-attracted men and their partners continue reaching out in search of understanding. Addressing shame, scarcity, and authenticity, this post offers guidance to a cis-woman who is married to a DL trans-attracted man on navigating her husband’s cheating.
Alright. I thought I was finished writing posts for this blog. While cleaning up the back-end, however, I noticed several messages people sent me that I hadn’t received. That was my bad that I missed these messages. I hadn’t correctly set up my contact form. So the messages weren’t forwarded to my inbox.
The majority of these messages were from trans-attracted men questioning themselves AND, no surprise, wives of trans-attracted men. The latter group wrote to me expressing various reactions to discovering their men’s interests. And all of them asked my feedback.
So, it seems, there’s still an interest in The Transamorous Network.
I also got an interesting response through the feedback form I wasn’t expecting. That I’ll share at the end of this post.
Suffice it to say, I’ll keep this site up because, judging from these past comments, people are still looking for information on what it means to be trans-attracted, what it means to be transamorous and what to do when they find out their spouses are one of those two.
The Transamorous Network remains a great resource for those people IOW.
I probably won’t write every week, but I will continue posting from time to time. For now, I want to share one request I got through the contact form because it speaks to many of the others I got. Then I’ll share that other comment I mentioned.
Here we go!
Another cheating trans-attracted husband
The person writing is married. She caught her husband cheating with a trans woman. No surprise there. Many trans-attracted men don’t realize their trans-attraction until after marrying a cis-woman. I’ll spare a further preamble and get to what she wrote:
Hi, I am not good at writing so please forgive me. I just recently found out my husband has been sleeping with [trans] women, I believe he has an attraction towards trans women. He did tell me about one of his encounters and I am just very curious. I am not judging him, if that’s what he likes then that’s ok. The thing for me is the cheating in general, I understand feeling scared, nervous and ashamed. The thing for me is the lying and not giving me the opportunity to make my owns decisions. Even though he has an attraction , I really don’t think I want to be with someone who cheats in general. I also told him I am ok with whatever decision he chooses but he can’t seem to let me go in this process . We have two beautiful boys together and I just want everyone to be happy! Thank you for letting me share, any insight would be helpful. Thanks again, “Melody” [I changed her name to protect her privacy].
This is quite a common story. Many trans-attracted men also have a scarcity problem on the subject of the availability of trans women. Trans women have the same thing going on about men, which is often why they compromise and end up with women. Both parties believe they won’t be able to find a partner aligned with their desires.
He’s clinging hard
The problem with that is, if we believe that the kind of person we want is rare, that’s what we’re going to experience. And so, in this case, the guy is clinging hard to his current relationship. He just can’t see the very real possibility that he can find a trans woman who will, actually, fit him better than his wife.
To keep this short, here’s how I responded. Perhaps another woman in the same boat as “Melody” can benefit from it.
If your husband is sleeping with trans women, he for sure he is attracted to them. It’s a good sign you’re not judging him for that. And, it’s a really good sign that you’re recognizing that lying is not something you should stand for about ANYTHING in a marriage.
I really appreciate that you understand he is likely struggling and so he’s scared and shamed about what he’s feeling. I would wonder, however, if I were in your shoes, what is it about your marriage, or you, or him or all of those, that has him unwilling to be authentic about who/what he is. That’s something to really explore, not because it’s your fault, but because growth opportunities exist for both of you in that exploration. So it would be good for him to look at that too.
Now, as for the cheating specifically. You sound like a smart person. So I’m sure you can understand that the cheating itself isn’t the problem. It’s the motivation for cheating that is the problem. This goes back to what I wrote in the paragraph above.
Like, what is it about him that has him not being authentic about who he is?
Certainly whatever that is also plays a role in him not being able to let you go, especially if his attraction is strong, and for most trans-attracted men, that attraction is VERY strong and something that will likely not go away. He must, therefore, follow through on his attraction and fulfill what’s in store there.
I’m glad to hear you’ll be ok if he chooses that path. I would suggest your best role here is to support him in choosing that path. Your children would be way better off with him choosing this, you will be too and, of course so will he. I can explain in more detail about why your children will be better off if you’re interested.
Suffering is needless
If you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage because you suspect your spouse is cheating with trans women, or watching trans porn, and you’d like some empowerment around the experience, feel free to contact me. I’ve figured out the contact form, so I’ll respond much faster than I have in the past.
If you’re a guy with a question about your interest in trans women, you can reach out too. Many men like you, like the guy in this marriage, are suffering needlessly. Shame tells you you’re putting others’ opinions above your own. That’s a recipe for problems. Let’s fix that.
Finally, here’s another message I got I want to share. It comes from a trans woman who has followed The Transamorous Network for some time. She lives in Thailand, I believe. When I stopped writing for this blog, I said that if it helped just one trans woman accept who and what she is, then the blog has done it’s job.
Actually, in response to my (previously) final post, several trans woman wrote to tell me how much the blog helped them. The following comes from the most recent trans woman expressing appreciation. It’s long, but worth it, as it shows how much this blog has helped people. I’m sharing excerpts of the full message:
An ode of appreciation
….What I really want to get to is Thank You! I have been following you for 15 months now and I believe I have read most of your articles…15 months ago I was doing a deep dive into [my own self transformation]… I was a cis-het-white guy for 52 years, trained, culled, forced and assimilated into the systems of control and oppression. There… came the crux, the clarity, the guidance of a Higher Power of an opportunity of a radical shift. Today I see it as the most incredible opportunity…lol.
At the time it was a curse of the most epic kind. My 2nd wife [and I] co-discovered the systems we were deeply embedded in. We also discovered that after 18 years in marriage we had gotten to a place where we could no longer support each others needs and it was time to decouple. And there was a discovery that she was a lesbian and much to my surprise … I am trans-femme…
I also discovered that the tremendous childhood trauma I had survived was affecting me greatly every day. The 3 aspects of – ending an 18 year marriage, I was trans and I carried tremendous trauma into all things was brutal (and with todays perspective…absolutely necessary). Any movement forward in transness brought up trauma. I really dove into my programs of AA and ACA, got new sponsors that were aligned with my new identity discovery and a really really good therapist. I kept all 3 very busy as I dove into the work with both feet as I was not going to survive this event if I didn’t. In essence, It was the gift of desperation. Do the work or die…
In my recent EMDR work I discovered I have been this way for lifetimes. It has taken over 15 months of OMG intensive work, I have hit a milestone in my work. I am ready to date.
Your articles over the last 15 months also combined with many of trans authors have been incredible guidance through one of the most difficult times in my life… I almost didn’t make it. The gratitude therein is immense. Somewhere in your Trump article, maybe in the comments, you mentioned that if you reached one person with your message then all the rhetoric and all the time, intention and effort … was worth it. That was me…
You have been a part of the most epic journey, and I believe We are just getting started…
Self loathing of trans women
There are many – I would say the majority — trans women struggling like this person once did. This explains why they’re so hostile to trans-attracted men, and me in particular. We reflect back to them the state of their inner-self-acceptance. And they can’t bear the pain of facing that.
I started this blog to help relieve that. Obviously, some have benefitted. Trans-attracted men have too. Now, I’m curious to see who else will…I’m glad to see this trans woman found liberation from her struggle. I hope to hear from her again.
As I write this post, I’m thinking back to my past and my own journey on the “Chaser-to-Transamorous” path. It’s been quite a few years. I’ve written nearly 500 posts about trans-attraction and transamory. I’ve shared my journey of self-discovery and acceptance while offering advice, initially for trans-attracted men. But I gradually shifted that focus to trans women.
As I wrote in a recent post, many trans women and trans-attracted men expressed appreciation for what I’ve shared here over the years. As my own self-discovery included a path into deeper, esoteric spirituality, that knowledge found its way into The Transamorous Network content too. This included this blog, our podcast, our YouTube Channel and more. It’s been fun sharing my journey, offering advice to others and receiving positive support from readers.
Of course, I’ve also received messages from haters, mostly bigoted trans women suffering from self loathing, who projected their hate onto me. I appreciate those people too because those people had me focus even more on supporting the community with the material I offered. I knew those women’s comments had much more to say about them than they did my writing, my content or me as a person. And I knew what I offered could actually help them.
Fifteen years…at least
Speaking of me as a person, discovering my transamory alongside my spiritual origins has been an incredible journey. I remember when I first saw a trans woman. It was in the early 80s in Osaka, Japan. My girlfriend at the time thought it would be entertaining to take me to a Yakuza bar where all the “go-go” dancers were trans. Little did she know, or maybe she did know from a spiritual perspective, that introduction sparked a flame in me.
That flame grew into an adventure that, at first, I struggled valiantly to repress. I was in the Marines after all, before the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mandate. Being queer was a dischargeable offense. Still, my transamory wouldn’t be denied.
It took more than 15 years, I think, to embrace my queerness and my attraction to trans women. During that time I struggled, but always knew myself as the individual I am today. I knew I would make it through someday. And after making it, I decided to start The Transamorous Network to help others make it. Helping others has been rewarding.
And yet all adventures either come to an end, or they change.
Getting to know myself
My adventure taking the form of The Transamorous Network is about to come to an end. This is the last post. I’ll be focusing on my cisgender audiences going forward. Cisgender people comprise the majority of my clients these days. My experience with them shows them more open to moving along the spiritual path I offer. It feels wonderful seeing them resonate with results they produce through my guidance. So focusing on them is where I want to commit my energies. Doing so feels good and nothing matters more than feeling good.
As I close this chapter of my adventure, I’m reflecting on my own journey, one that began, like many men, with the thought that I was gay. Being on the DL all that time didn’t stop me from exploring. That exploration included having encounters with men. I wanted to find out if I was gay, or was there something else going on with me. At that time “trans-attracted” wasn’t a thing. At least I wasn’t aware of such a term.
So while I still dated cis women, I also explored with men and with trans women when the opportunity presented itself. These days, I’ve had enough experience with pretty much every gender to know what I like, what I’m attracted to and why. I approached this with the same zeal I approached getting to know my spiritual nature. That’s why I know myself as transamorous. Not a chaser. Not a fetishizer.
All things change…
What I find interesting as this chapter closes is my sexual practices have changed. To understand how, I want to tell a story of something that happened while I was still exploring.
Decades ago, I had a long-term affair with a guy named Bill. It lasted almost 20 years. He wasn’t at all good looking, but he had a giant dick I loved to suck and get fucked by. We were really good friends and that’s what the relationship emerged from: our friendship. He was a top and not interested at all in being a bottom. Not that I was encouraging that, I really loved his dick (and came to love him over time, romantically, interestingly enough).
Bill was a sex fiend and couldn’t get enough. I knew this about him and just assumed he was careful. I was shocked one evening though when he told me he had contracted HIV… Years later we reconnected after a rather messy end to our relationship triggered by my fear he put me at risk (I’m HIV-). During this reconnection, Bill shared, to my shock and awe, that he was now a bottom!
I’m sharing this because, recently, I’ve been contemplating my anal play and whether it really offers the sensual stimulation I enjoy so much, or is it instead more of a psychological thing….I’m coming to the point that it is way more the latter than the former. Especially after meeting Yuri and enjoying performing the traditional male role with her.
Post-transamorous and the next adventure
So I’m really close at the moment to declaring myself, no longer interested in being strictly a “bottom”. I find this interesting because I never thought that aspect of me would change. Even though I saw it happen with someone I knew very well.
I feel resolute about this change, in the same way Bill felt about his. It’s interesting contemplating how my life seems to be coming full circle. At least as far as my sexuality is concerned.
And perhaps this is the case with many men who find themselves attracted to trans women. Perhaps, at the end of the day, what we trans-attracted men are looking for is self understanding. And we discover that, as many people do: through the mirror inherent in all relationships.
I’ve had many relationships and have used them to chart my own journey to self-discovery, as, I’m sure, my partners did too. Along the way I’ve met some stellar people, both trans-attracted and transgender. This has been a great journey.
And the journey continues. But it no longer will focus on my wanting to convince the trans community that they are empowered, powerful, creative beings creating their reality as they move through life, and thus can enjoy a life where all they want is theirs. They are that, as is everyone else. Yet, it’s time for me to take the next step in my journey. That requires no longer trying to convince people who are not ready to hear this uplifting message.
So with that, I bid the trans community adieu. The next chapter of my adventure awaits. A chapter where I move beyond identifying as transamorous. I just am.
PS –
If you’re still interested in hearing from me, subscribe to my other blog Positively Focused, on WordPress, Medium, Tumblr and my Facebook Page by the same name. Across all these platforms, Positively Focus enjoys more that 15,000 followers.
The Transamorous Network will likely cease to exist within the next few months.
PPS –
One of the first transgender clients I served, has followed this blog pretty much from the beginning. Her response to this post is the perfect capstone. It’s an example, I know, of how many trans women have benefited from my writings. And so, I leave with her well-wishes:
I publish these posts weeks after I write them. That way, I don’t feel pressure to write something if I don’t want to. Invariably, however, the urge strikes. And so I find myself at my writing table.
Not being a hypocrite, I’m going to lavish on what I want in this post, rather than dwell on what I don’t. I’m going to praise those readers who get what I’m sharing, who have benefited from reading these posts.
But I’m also going to praise those who haven’t got what I share. Including those lambasting that second post as transphobic. I am going to praise those people, because they offer grit, the grain of sand that contributes to the ongoing pearl forming in my personality oyster that unfolds as my daily life.
So in praise of both, I offer this rather brief post.
I’m pretty positive
Over the years of writing this blog, some trans women have pretty much raved about what I share. Those who get it, those primed to benefit from what I write, share their enthusiasm and satisfaction.
Some of those women engaged with me as clients. Others, haven’t, but they have reached out from time to time to share their life progress, progress happening at least partially because of what they’ve read on this blog.
I recall fondly an ongoing three-year conversation with a trans woman in the midwest somewhere, who struggled with men and career. After a couple years of focus, she wound up meeting much better men, and started her own business. One that became successful enough that she hired her mom as an employee.
Many such stories fill my memory. And there are less profound experiences that, while less profound, were no less gratifying to receive.
Recently, in response to my most recent posts (at the time of writing this), I got two examples I really, really appreciate. The first I’m sharing responds to a post I wrote after my post about the trans community helping Trump win. In that post I shared my “origin story.”
A few didn’t respond kindly to that one, but this person’s response resonates with intentions I put into that story:
Yeah. I’m pretty positive. And it seems that bright light I offer warmed the heart of this reader.
Making a difference
The post on Trump really triggered a lot of trans women. Getting triggered is unfortunate because it reveals so much more about the person getting triggered and says nothing about the thing the person is letting trigger them.
So when I got a lot of trans women pissed off about that post and the one about me having sex with a post-op trans woman, I reveled in the knowing I have about people, the Universe and how it all works. I shared some of that knowledge in responses to those people who commented negatively. On the surface what I wrote made little difference: the women just doubled-down on their triggered perspective.
But I know when that happens, such people make a connection with what I share in a powerful way. In that way, they are bound to encounter what they’ve read somewhere else in their life. Perhaps it will come in the form they can more readily digest. So I know while it looks like I made little difference, I actually made a HUGE difference.
And that’s why I’ve written so much on this blog. That and other reasons kept me coming back to my computer every week.
Comments like the one below kept me coming back too. Getting comments like this one cause all the flaming from triggered trans women to pale in comparison. Yep, some people out there get it. And it’s cool when they feel moved enough to share like this:
In praise
When a person gets triggered, the belief confrontation happening in them literally takes them over. They can’t control themselves, which is often why such people resort to name calling and even violence. So when people respond negatively in a comment, it doesn’t mean very much. They’re out of control.
But for a person to share a positive comment, something significant must happen to move them to take the time to comment. Feeling good isn’t enough. A strong resonance between the writer and the reader must happen. In other words, someone taking time to share a positive comment speaks more powerfully than someone firing off a triggered, angry offended rant.
That’s why I so appreciate when I get calls or comments, such as the ones above.
I appreciate the flames too though although sometimes it takes a while. That’s because they cause me to dig deeper into my awareness, the very same awareness that has me write these posts every week.
Maybe you can tell I’m heading somewhere. It’s a destination I expect will fulfill itself in the next two blog posts or so. Until then, I appreciate you, dear reader. Whether you get it or whether you don’t.
TL;DR: The author argues for the Trans community to find happiness as a way to feeling better about Trump taking office. In this way, they say, trans and trans-attracted people and their allies can create the best future for themselves. Everything else is insanity they suggest.
There is a better way to live. One where Trans Community members, in which I include trans-attracted people and their allies, can live far more happily. In that better way, way more of what we want can be ours too.
But it requires giving up being right. Especially on subjects we feel fear about. Fear is a powerful emotion. I’m going to dive deeper on that and why it’s not a good idea to wallow in fear in this post. Especially fear about Trump.
Trump’s election victory has a lot of trans people fearful about their future. It has many trans allies feeling the same way, including many of my friends. A big reason why they feel this way is because they think they’re right. They think Trump has it in for trans people. They think Trump is going to follow through with his threats.
And he probably will. After all, a lot of momentum backs those actions. Momentum trans people and their allies contribute to through their fear.
And this is why it’s important that we NOT allow ourselves to succumb to our fears. Even if those fears come true.
In this post, I’m going to describe why, how being right is a problem, and how living happily instead serves not only our community, but the world at large.
Here we go!
Some background
This article will be easier to understand if readers have some background on where my perspective comes from. Readers who don’t have this background will get “triggered” by what I’m sharing. If what you’ve read so far triggers you, you should probably stop reading right now.
There’s nothing inaccurate about what’s written here. I know this from my own experience. My experience isn’t my only proof, however. My clients’ experience implementing what I share backs me up too. Those who don’t have life experience proving what I’m sharing is accurate typically experience “belief confrontations” when they read what I write.
A belief confrontation is what happens when a person is “triggered”. They have a belief, usually a strong one. When life gives them evidence not matching that belief, the belief pushes back against that reality. When that happens, usually the person behaves in ways we call “triggered”.
They get angry and lash out. Usually that lashing out looks like name-calling. It can also look like violence. Or it looks like responding in a comment where, in the case of my writings, they express how “wrong” I am. Yes, that’s right. When one has a “belief confrontation” they must be right. They have to be, or else the belief is threatened. So reality, including the other person, becomes wrong.
So as you read this, please remember you have beliefs and your beliefs may even be right. But if you’re triggered because of what you’re reading, then maybe they’re not right. Maybe your beliefs are worth examining and replacing with better-serving beliefs.
Is action better?
A lot of people right now worry about what’s going to happen when Trump takes office. Of course, Trump is not in office yet. So in the now, which is the only place we can exist, nothing has happened worthy of our fear or worry. The Biden Administration is still in office. Things are pretty much going the way they have for the last four years.
So this fear and worry is not about the now, it’s about the future. All fear and worry is always about the future. That’s why fear and worry are problems. Because when we’re fearful and worryful, we’re not using the now to our advantage. Instead, we’re doing the opposite. We’re using the now to our disadvantage.
Another thing we fear or worry about, that we can do nothing about really, is the fate of other people. Our worry and fear about other people is near-worthless. Even from the perspective of the people we’re fearing and worrying for, all our fear and worry does is cause them to fear and worry too. So now everyone is using the now to our mutual disadvantage.
To be clear, when we’re taking action as a response to fear or worry, then usually we’re not feeling fear or worry at that point. So action is a good antidote to fear and worry, because at least we’re doing something. But there’s a catch to such action: if we’re acting while fearing and worrying, then our action gets tainted by that.
I’m sure readers have experienced lack-luster results that come from acting while feeling anything other than confidence and clarity. We often bomb job interviews, miss out on potential dates, or our skill at something doesn’t shine when we act out of fear or worry.
Feeling better is better
This explains why action can often not be the best option when one worries or fears. And I haven’t even talked about the vibrational nature of those emotions and how they create futures we won’t like.
If people understood that fear is a problem and why, they’d probably not fear so much. Instead they’d tell better-feeling stories about what they fear in order to build beliefs that are more empowering than the ones having them feeling fear.
But most people, including trans and trans-attracted people and their allies, would rather be right than feel better. I know this first hand.
A newer client is deathly afraid of what the incoming administration will do to illegal aliens. She tutors a young Latina whose family is living in the country illegally apparently. My client is literally terrified for this young woman.
But what is her terrified feeling doing for the young person? For sure she can feel that strong fear coming from the woman, so she’s probably also terrified. How does that help her?
It doesn’t.
The problem with the future
When I try to get my client to think of better thoughts about the future, she literally cannot. She can’t get beyond thoughts she’s thinking about the future that has her afraid. Every time I try to encourage her, rather than finding better-feeling thought about the future, she has a belief confrontation: she instead attacks the validity of this “you create your reality” business, claiming she can’t believe what she’s learning, even though she’s already produced a number of powerful examples showing it works!
In other words, she wants to be right. She want’s to be right about the fact that Trump will find this young girl and her family and deport them. And she’s angry and miserable about it.
Meanwhile, right now, none of that has happened. The girl is fine. Life is good. The client is mentoring her. All is well.
It’s crazy focusing on some terrible future in a way that has us feel bad. That’s because we only have the now. The future hasn’t happened yet. So we’re feeling bad for nothing, right now, because there’s nothing we can do about some future act we fear.
Well, there is something we can do. We can create a better future. And we can do that right now. But we can’t when we’re using the now to create a worse future, which is what we’re doing when we are in fear or worry.
That’s a problem.
Unconscious insanity
It should be clear that it’s a problem because the future we’ve created from our past fear and worry we’re living in now. Trump won. And he’s had four years of experience informing what he’s going to do next. Between when he first ran and right now, we had the opportunity to create a better, preferred future.
But what did we do? Did we use that time to do that? Nope! We doubled down! We worried, attacked Trump and his allies. Whatever he and his allies did, we paid attention to and railed against it. We watched all kinds of media about it and shared it with our friends while wagging fingers and shaking heads.
In other words, we focused on what we didn’t want. And so now, we’re getting what we focused on and thereby created. I described this in my previous post.
The problem with using the now by filling it with fear and worry is that when we create futures from there, we have to experience those futures we create! So it makes sense to stop fear-ing and worry-ing and instead find better-feeling thoughts. When we do that, we create better-feeling futures.
But we can’t create around or previous creations. In other words, we’ve created the world where Trump is the next president. So now we must live through that. And if we keep worrying and fearing, which is what put him in office in the first place, we’re doubling down and thus getting more of what we don’t want.
That’s not just crazy, it’s insane.
Accepting our unwanted creation
Our happiness is our super power. It enables us to get everything we want. It literally is the power we possess, power we can use to literally create our reality. So let’s look at how we can use that power to create a better future for ourselves as a community.
Before we can do that, we must first accept what we’ve already created. We can’t create around what we’ve already created. Nor do we want to try to create a reality as a reaction to that unwanted outcome we created. That’s how Trump ended up in office in the first place: a lot of progressives, trans people included, tried getting Harris in office by railing against Trump. That doesn’t work!
So instead, we must accept what we’ve done. Then look at a future we want and focus only on that. That can be hard for people in terror about the future. So maybe it’s better to soothe that terror, that fear, by first telling better-feeling stories about what’s coming.
Let’s start there. And let’s use as an example, the child my client is mentoring.
What better feeling stories can we tell about that situation? There are plenty. Let’s take a look at those in a minute.
Getting what we want
First, we must know we’re not doing anything to change the child’s experience. The child, let’s call her Lupe, is a creator just as we are. She’s in charge of creating her reality and she wouldn’t have it any other way. What we are doing is doing something to change our reality. We’re coming up with better-feeling stories or beliefs, so that we can live a future in which we can see everything working out for us.
That requires more explanation.
If you look at life, you’ll see that everything does work out. While it’s working out, it may not look like it’s working out. And it may not look like how we’d prefer it to work out as it’s working out. But it always works out. So it’s important to get that that working out works out, even if it looks like it’s not working out in the way we think it should.
That makes sense because the Universe is having things work out for everyone at the same time. For that to happen, “working out” must look like an extremely winding path, not a straight shot right to what we want. And besides, often, what we think we want, isn’t what we really want.
For example, we might want a relationship. But we haven’t cleaned up our anger, our self-loathing or our belief that we’re not worthy of having a relationship. With all those things in place in us, we’ll get relationships. But those relationships will reflect back to us all those things in us. And so they’ll suck.
It all works out
Those relationships are serving us. They’re showing us what we must clean up to get the relationship we really want. But if we don’t know that, we might fight against those relationships and the men in them. We might call them chasers and fetishizers. We might claim they’re using us, not seeing us for who we are. Like this person who commented on a recent post of mine and simultaneously victimized herself and vilified men she meets, both being actions that are not in her best interest.
When we do that, we’re doubling down on those things in us, instead of aligning with what we want: a relationship. In the meantime, those relationships reflecting those things back to us are giving us what we want: They’re giving us a relationship, and they’re giving us situations reflecting what’s in us so we can clean them up. Do that, and our relationships will get better, until we end up in one that matches our cleaned up inner state.
So the Universe gives us what we want, but only the part of what we want that we’re ready for. It’s not usually going to give us what we want in the way we think it should. That’s usually because we don’t know what’s happening. But it’s also because the Universe has a lot more resources and means at its disposal than we can possibly fathom. It’s through that unfathomable means that the Universe gives all of us what we want simultaneously.
And that’s why Trump is coming into office. We’re getting what we want. We just think we know how that’s supposed to happen and when. Meanwhile, the Universe is doing it in the way it knows gives everyone what they want in the end. It all works out, in other words.
How to feel better through our thoughts
So there’s Lupe. She’s at the dinner table and we’re mentoring her. What better-feeling stories can we make up about her situation? Ones that we’ll feel better when we tell them?
Here are thirteen examples:
There are many million illegal immigrants in the US. The government can’t possibly deport all of them. It would cost too much and take way too much manpower.
Even if the government tries to deport them all, many of them will probably fall through the cracks. They won’t find them all. Maybe they will miss Lupe’s family.
If things get too crazy, the American people won’t stand for it. Look what happened with the “Kids in cages” situation. And that started under a Democratic Administration! Certainly something like that won’t happen for long should it happen again.
Lupe’s young. She’s going to be ok whatever happens.
There are lots of people living happily in the country Lupe’s from. Going back to her home country is not the end of the world.
Lupe’s smart, she’s strong. She’s going to be ok.
Lupe’s with her family here. If she goes back where her family’s from, she’ll be with more family. It will work out.
Things will probably change in the future. Lupe will be able to come back more likely.
Life is long. Things are always changing.
This situation will pass.
Worrying about this is doing nothing for me but making me miserable. I’m going to stop thinking about this and eat some ice cream.
This fear I’m feeling is useless. I can’t do anything about it right now anyway. Trump isn’t even in office yet.
Trump usually has been his own worst enemy. His success doesn’t last. Maybe this will be another example.
This list isn’t all inclusive. Plenty more better-feeling thoughts exist.
Stop being crazy
And the thing about these better-feeling stories is, they don’t have to be true. All they have to do is make us feel even a smidgen better. That’s important for several reasons.
The first is about our life in general. A life lived happily-ever-after is composed of many “happy now” moments. It’s about living happy now. And now. And now…until we’re dead. So when we’re not happy now, we’re not living happily-ever-after.
Second, the now is the only moment we have. Why use that now to feel miserable, especially about something we can’t do right now. Trump is not in office yet.
Three, our power is in the now. By creating better-feeling moods in the now, we align with better-feeling futures. So it’s in our best interest to be happy now.
Four, our positivity is as contagious as our negativity. We don’t help anyone by spreading our negativity all over the place.
Lastly, everything always works out. If that’s true, and it is, why be miserable? It’s all working out anyway, so why not be happy?
The problem, the crazy, insane problem, is, people apparently would rather be right than happy. They’d rather squander their power, which always is in the now, by thinking they know what the future holds, and feeling miserable in the process. That’s crazy and insane.
Especially when the future can be deliberately shaped by every one of us! We’re doing it anyway! It’s just that when we’re miserable and right, we’re shaping a future we’re not going to like.
I say give that up. Stop being crazy. And watch how life gets better. Even with Trump in office.
TL;DR: The author contends that “New Age” advice is never wrong. They give the example of how their inner guidance said Kamala Harris would win the last election, and they explain why that guidance was right, even though it appears to have been wrong.
In the past election season, my Broader Perspective told me Kamala Harris was going to win. As we all know, though, that didn’t happen.
Did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?
A lot of people who think this “you create your reality” business is “New Age nonsense” will point to such outcomes with an accusing finger.
They’ll say “See? What bullshit!”
Even some clients doubted what happened. One asked why my Broader Perspective “lied” to me. Another, whose Broader Perspective told her as well that Harris would win by a large margin, was shocked by the actual results. I was surprised, but I knew an explanation existed for the apparent discrepancy between our Broader Perspectives and the result.
That’s because I know what I know is infallible. I know the Universe works exactly as I’ve learned it does. So if something happens that appears contradictory to what I know, then I must not be clearly seeing what’s going on.
Given all this, I turned to my spiritual mentors for answers. I also dug into past knowledge I gained in my years of Buddhist scholarly practice.
What I discovered not only reassured me, it had me double down on the fact that what I know is 100 percent accurate.
Let’s take a look at what’s happening when it looks like “New Age” advice gets it wrong.
Understanding the unfathomable
First we must accept that All That Is is unfathomable. All That Is constantly creates more of all that is. And that’s been happening….since….forever. So no one can know the totality of All That Is. Not even All That Is!
That unknowable quality of All That Is extends to the intelligence of All That Is. It’s not called “Infinite Intelligence” for nothing. That means there are no bounds to how intelligent Infinite Intelligence is.
So when we humans try understanding Infinite Intelligence and All That Is, we must come from a grounded place. We must accept that, as much as we learn, there always will be more to learn.
One thing I’ve learned is All That Is assists all of us in our expansion. One way it does that is through contrast: experiences which prompt from within us desire. Now, “desire” makes it sound like those experiences must always feel good. The trouble is, contrast often feels not good. Especially for those who don’t understand how the Universe works.
Even for those who do understand, such experiences can feel awful. But for those who do understand, such people cancome to accept and even appreciate the real nature of and value that contrast offers.
The real nature of contrast is that it usually is an uncomfortable experience. One that tells us immediately what we don’t like.
More about contrast and its importance
Usually, contrast looks and feels like something we don’t want, such as our preferred candidate losing. The moment we have such experiences though, we also know what we do want. The key to contrast’s value is realizing this, then lining up with that which we want. In doing that, we feel better and that better feeling tells us something extremely important.
Contrast is all around us. It comes in large and small experiences, even insignificant-seeming ones. But the ones most of us struggle with are those that are significant, such as our political candidate losing in what we believe is a crucial election.
Nothing “crucial” ever happens, however. That’s because everything always works out for everyone. Everything always turns out for everyone because All That Is enjoys a capacity large enough for everyone to get what they want.
Humans make trouble for themselves, however, when they think what they want must come the way they believe it should come. Me and others, for example, believed the only way we could get what we wanted from the election was for Harris to win. That’s a problem.
Getting what we want when we line up
It’s a problem because All That Is is unfathomable, including its intelligence and capacity. As such, a human mind can never know the resources at All That Is’ disposal to make what we want happen. A human mind also can’t figure out the best time for something to happen, even though our minds like to think they can. That’s why there’s such a thing as “divine timing”.
I know it can be frustrating when we want something, believe it must happen now, and it doesn’t happen until later. Sometimes WAY later. But divine timing exists for a reason. The reason is because Infinite Intelligence or All That Is knows when it’s the best time for something to happen. It also yields to our desire, but only when we are a match to that thing. And usually, when we want something “now” we are really focused on the situation that has us yearning. In that focus, we’re not lined up with what we want. Which explains why it doesn’t show up immediately.
So when we try to figure out either the “how” or the “when” we usually gum up the works. We add resistance, which creates delay. We’ll eventually get what we want, but only when we finally line up with it.
Sometimes, lining up with our desire requires a stronger vibrational alignment to that which we’re wanting. Abraham calls that “stronger asking”. And there’s no better experience to prompt stronger asking, or to cause us to more strongly align with our wanting, than really strong contrast. Like our candidate losing, for example.
Introducing the path of least resistance
Another reason it may look like we’re not getting what we want happens when we, again, think we know how it’s going to happen. Especially when it comes to a lot of people getting what they want. Again, the Universe will give everyone what they want. But think about it. The US population is over 300 million people. Untold billions of others outside the US were focused on the outcome of our election too. And, obviously, some number of those people were going to appear to not get what they want no matter who won.
The Universe, therefore took advantage of another aspect that we must keep in mind when lining up. That is, the path of least resistance.
The path of least resistance, as the name implies, is the path energetically between one point and another representing the lowest amount of resistance. Now, the path of least resistance is not the same as the shortest path. The path of least resistance usually is longer because it takes people some time to release resistance and line up. And even when they do, some resistance remains in their way.
So All That Is and one’s Broader Perspective coordinate to move a person around or through that remaining resistance. And it’s for this reason that one’s path to what they want may look like they’re not getting what they want, when, actually they are.
So when Kamala lost, I knew I was still on the path. I also knew I had focused too much on the “how”. It also was clear that the loss prompted stronger asking on my part. But why was it that my Broader Perspective told me she was going to win when she didn’t? To understand why, we must introduce yet another important concept.
Setting up another awesome unfolding
I’m glad I have a lot of spiritual study under my belt. My scholarly study of Buddhism came in handy in understanding why my Broader Perspective adamantly said Kamala would win when she didn’t.
I’ll get to that in a moment.
Interestingly, I had access to another resource I hadn’t tapped into in a while. In addition to their in-person workshops, Abraham also holds regular online events they call “Abraham NOW” sessions. Like their in-person workshops, these three hour events feature people asking Abraham questions and Abraham using those questions as jumping-off points to share their wisdom.
Now, to understand all that happened, to really appreciate it, let’s look at some speculative numbers around these online events. Somewhere between 1500 and 3000 people participate in Abraham’s in-person workshops. In a given year, approximately 60 workshops happen around the country. So that’s something like 90-180,000 people attending these events. And that doesn’t even include the cruises. In-person workshops run about $300.
But Abraham NOW events are only $49. Much more affordable. I speculate that about a quarter of the same number of people who attend the workshops in a year are tuning in to each Abraham NOW session. That’s a lot of people. But it shouldn’t be surprising: they’re more frequent, they cost less and they are far more convenient.
Those planning to attend an Abraham NOW event can also submit one written or one video question. For sure, a lot of people do that too. And there isn’t enough time to answer every question. So just like at the in-person events, Abraham selects the questions they will feature.
An example of past Abraham NOW event recordings from the Abraham website.
Was the advice wrong?
After the election, as I wrote above, several clients were struggling with the outcome. I was too, although for different reasons. Two days after the election, I got an impulse that Abraham was probably going to have an Abraham NOW session scheduled. They are Infinite Intelligence after all. So they probably anticipated that a lot of humans would be all bunged up no matter what the result. They would want answers.
Sure enough, when I logged into my Abraham-Hicks.com account, I saw an Abraham NOW event scheduled for that Saturday, November 9. I told all my advanced clients about it, then registered myself. This was on a Friday afternoon at about 1:45 p.m. The registration page invited me to submit a video or written question, but I only had until 2 p.m. to get it in. Perfect timing! I had 15 minutes to submit a question, which I did.
My question was basically “how did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?” I phrased it that way purposefully because I wanted an answer I could share with my clients, should they not register themselves. I wondered whether Abraham would use my video question on the live stream, but didn’t worry too much. Other people would have the same question, I knew.
So when Saturday came, I logged into the live stream. Sure enough, several people questioned the election results. Many were worried about the outcome. I wasn’t worried about that. I just wanted to know how my Broader Perspective encouraged me towards a result that didn’t happen. But it was good to hear how Abraham answered those questions.
As the event wound down, and more people got their questions answered, I wondered whether my question would air.
It wasn’t wrong
Ten minutes prior to the event end, and not seeing my question featured yet, I surrendered to the possibility my question wouldn’t get answered. At that very moment I surrendered, my iPhone showed what many in New Age Circles call an “Angel Number“. The number was 1313. And in that very minute, Abraham said “let’s watch another video”….and my face appeared.
Just like in my initiation journey I wrote about before, I got featured at the very end. And I understood why: all the other questions and answers lead perfectly to my question. Of course, that all thrilled me. But the answer Abraham gave was astounding too.
In short, they said, my Broader Perspective didn’t get it wrong. What it did was offer guidance that would create contrast that would prompt stronger asking on my part. They also said the outcome represented the path of least resistance for everyone given what they want and that the unfolding, post election, will contain everything everyone wants. Everything will come in ways Americans can’t comprehend right now, they said, but will be completely satisfying as it all unfolds.
The answer made total sense. Especially after everything Abraham shared in answering questions preceding mine.
After the live stream, I thought about Abraham’s answer. It reminded me of something I learned in my Buddhist studies. And the more I thought about that thing I learned, the more satisfied I became about the election. The more optimistic I got about what was to happen as well.
I want to share what that thing was that I learned next.
A parable of expedient means
The Lotus Sutra is the pinnacle of Buddhist Sutras. A lot of Buddhists and some scholars might disagree with that assertion. But when one reads the Lotus Sutra, it becomes obvious. The Buddha says many, many times throughout the Sutra that it is his ultimate teaching.
My scholarly study focused almost exclusively on this Sutra. That’s because I knew it to be the crown jewel of the Buddha’s teachings. It’s a marvelous work. It lays out in great detail the nature of the Buddhas, their blessings, where they come from and benefits those who hear the Lotus Sutra receive. What I remembered learning about was a parable offered in this Sutra. The parable is set up in Chapter 2 — Skillful or Expedient Means, and told in Chapter 3 — A parable.
Chapter 2 reveals that all Buddhas employ expedient means to lead people to enlightenment. There’s a lot of detail and repetition in the Lotus Sutra and these chapters are no different. But the gist of it is, Infinite Intelligence knows that ordinary humans are hard to reach. So it communicates in many different ways to reach them. Sometimes it will even use what people might call deceptions or falsehoods.
Chapter three gives an example of a rich man who has many kids. The kids run into a run down house (I’m simplifying the parable). Then the house catches fire. But the kids found toys in the house and are too busy playing with them to notice the fire. The rich man notices though. The fire rages and the house is about to collapse on the kids. The father calls to the them, saying “run out of the house, it’s on fire!” But the kids don’t listen.
Skillful means
So the father tells the children he has assembled carts of fabulous wealth for all of them. Not only that, the carts contain the rarest of toys and the kids can have them all, he says. Hearing this, the kids come rushing out from the house as the house collapses in flames.
Once outside the children ask for the carts, which their father provides.
The Buddha then asks his listeners “did the father lie?” No, the listeners say, he did what he had to do to save his kids. The Buddha agrees then goes on to explain how Infinite Intelligence uses similar means to move people to enlightenment.
There’s another story told apart from the Lotus Sutra. It’s about the Buddha on a path to a wondrous kingdom, followed by his adherents. Halfway to the kingdom, the adherents tire out. The Buddha sees they can go no farther. But he knows the adherents will rejoice once they arrive at the kingdom.
So he manifests an hallucination. Right around the corner on the path the adherents discover a beautiful oasis filled with all manner of luxuries. The adherents think they’ve arrived at the kingdom; they don’t realize it’s an hallucination. Once they are refreshed, the Buddha then disappears the hallucination. The adherents are shocked. Some are angry. At that point the Buddha explains his expedient means.
He describes how their destination is far better than what they just experienced. He also describes setting up the hallucination in order to refresh the adherents so they can make the rest of the way to the destination. In this way, the adherents realize, the Buddha has skillfully encouraged them to go the final distance.
Preparing for the future
See the parallels?
I sure did after I remembered these stories. What really brought the parallel home was realizing The Lotus Sutra and everything in it accord quite nicely with how the Universe works. Sure, it’s full of a lot of repetition and mind-blowing imagery. But behind all that are deep accuracies about how enlightened ones work, how people are and how the Universe works.
It was a reminder for me that everything I’ve learned so far from both Seth and Abraham is 100 percent accurate.
At that point I got how my Broader Perspective didn’t lie to me. Like Abraham reiterated, it didn’t get it wrong. It used expedient means to get me to reach for the end goal, the thing I ultimately want. Looking at the election from that perspective bolstered me. It bolstered me and also prepared me for what happened next.
That’s right, this story just keeps going and going!
The future is bright
The next week I enjoyed a couple conversations with a client who used to be a republican. He also possesses extreme knowledge about future high technologies across many sectors. Part of his knowledge includes blockchain technology. He’s as passionate about all this stuff as I am about spirituality.
The conversations with this guy made it abundantly clear where we are headed, not only as a nation, but as a global civilization. And, he showed how everything that’s going to happen will be a better extension fit with a Trump administration than would have been possible with democrats in office.
That future includes extreme material abundance for all. Super-high quality products and services offered at near zero cost. It also includes a fully automated infrastructure enabled by Artificial Intelligence and robotics. Indeed, the more he described, the more excited I got. And he didn’t just talk about the future, he speculated on how all of it would unfold.
Since I have the education and work background I have, I could follow pretty much everything he shared. It was a thrilling vision. I could see practical paths to all of it. Indeed, the more I think about it even now, the more convinced I am that this is our future.
Humanity has nothing to worry about. It’s all working out.
It was right all along
But in negative beliefs, in worry, in fear or anger, humans can’t see it all working out. We’re all going to get to that future my client described. That I’m sure. The only question is, how are individual human beings going to experience the path to that magnificent kingdom? Is their experience going to be one of sadness, worry, fear and violence? Or is their experience going to be joyful, hopeful, and eager? I know how mine is going to be.
And I’m encouraging my clients to cultivate similar experiences.
Why?
Because in those more positive emotions, we can see more. We can see opportunities we’re otherwise blind to when we’re wallowing in complaints about people who believe differently from us. When in reality they’re the very same people cooperating alongside us to create the future we all want.
That’s right. I wrote previously about how trans and trans-attracted people helped elect Trump. They had to have because that’s who’s president starting next year. That’s our collective, co-created reality. And nothing is asserted into our experience. We invite it all.
I know for many that’s hard to read. But Trump winning is the expedient means, the path of least resistance, to everything everyone wants. And that’s what’s so cool about All That Is. It has the capacity to use everyone for our ultimate good.
Interestingly, my future-oriented client claims that that future he sees will bring the far right and the far left everything both sides want all at the same time. Abraham said the exact same thing.
I’m so reassured by that. And I’m eager to see it unfold, knowing my Broader Perspective was right all along.
