I love it when I connect with transgender women who get it. The trans community is NOT homogenous. Not in any respect, but especially when it comes to opinions about many things, including being transgender.
Many transgender women hold views totally different from those who complain about men, their lives, the world around them and how poorly that world treats them. To the trans-attracted men: I suggest focusing on these transgender women. Not those who blame you for their experience. Trust me, you’ll find them everywhere.
I will say this over and over: men struggle with their trans-attraction. That struggle strongly resembles processes many transgender women go through on their way to self-acceptance. Processes that help both parties get over their fear, their confusion, and shame. In other words, both parties have a lot in common. In fact, both parties share extremely intimate experiences. Experiences that can form the basis of intense, intimate, deep, loving relationships.
Another joyful connection
I had the pleasure of communicating with yet another transgender woman whose insight and maturity allows her to see things other transgender women can’t or won’t. I loved reading her response to a story I posted recently. Her response increases my knowing that these kinds of women exist. Women who share perspectives I have. Perspectives which say being trans is a unique, special and world-changing experience. And those having those experiences are worthy of veneration.
In the story I posted not long ago, I shared my personal views about transgender women. I wrote about what they represent (to me) and what that representation means for the world. Kariresponded to that story. She gave me permission to use her real name.
The two comments she made are gold:
I’m heartened that transgender women exist like Kari. Women who can hold two different views and accept both. I also appreciate her self awareness. That self awareness shines through her self-image. A self-image through which she can see flaws in beliefs transgender women hold which vilify trans-attracted men. And ideas that try to put all transgender women in the same box.
There’s a lesson here guys
The transgender community is as diverse as any other. Transgender women exist who will meet any preference. They don’t all think the same. While there are transgender women who want to live as if they’re cis, there are transgender women who eschew that paradigm. And if you’re interested in a trans woman who will satisfy your preferences, you can find them.
Finding them however, means you must stop putting all your eggs in the wrong basket. Instead, focus on what you want to the exclusion of all else. Let them come to you. Let the Universe bless you with your perfect match. You do that by becoming a match to what you want. That happens if you focus exclusively on what you want.
Meanwhile, the girl you want, who meets your every preference, will get her own impulses. She’ll be inspired to places where you are. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself in her arms. And her in yours. Need help figuring this out? Then contact me.
And feel free to read some of Kari’s writings on Medium.
Holy smokes. What I saw in December blew me away. I’m only publishing this now because I schedule posts eight weeks in advance. But it’s no less amazing. It’s a testament to the unfolding perfection of All That Is and how All That Is supports transgender people. Even when it looks like it doesn’t.
A long-time cisgender friend prompted this post. He’s a strong progressive cause ally, including supporting the transgender community. We’re kindred that way. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to get his text. But I was surprised by what he shared.
He shared a link to a video. My friend does this infrequently, but frequently enough that I don’t click on links he sends me right away. But with this one, I did. Because the thumbnail compelled me.
The video promotes a whiskey product. It’s one of the best cause marketing commercials I’ve seen. And I should know about cause marketing because in a previous incarnation, I worked in PR and Corporate Social Responsibility. Take a look:
A beautiful story beautifully told
The commercial begins with an elderly couple. While the husband sits in a chair, the wife wanders about the house on the phone. Unbeknownst to the wife, the husband has a predisposition for women’s make up. He goes into the bathroom, locks the door and tries practicing with lipstick…but his results frustrates him.
Several scenes indicate the man’s depth of interest. It’s almost as if the guy questions his interest in such a thing. Nonetheless, he ends up getting pretty good at applying makeup to his own face.
But then, during the holiday season, the extended family shows up for familial celebrations. Among the family members is 26-year-old “Alvaro”. Who we now understand as Alvaro’s grandfather, looks at his grandson and has a hunch. He invites the young person into the bathroom wherein the two have an intensely personal, intimate moment.
The two exit the bathroom and, to everyone’s astonishment, Alvaro is now “Ana”. The entire family is in tears and Ana is heartily welcomed.
The rest is amazing commercial history.
“Transgender”: Here to stay
Thirty-plus years ago when rap music wasn’t what it is today, the famous Quincy Jones produced a song called “Back on the Block”. Among samples he used in his production was a statement by Rev. Jessie Jackson. Towards the end of the song, which is a medley of various rap genre’s, Jackson is sampled saying:
“Now I would – I would contend that ah – The rappers – rap is here to stay”
Thirty years later, rap is still going strong. Jackson was right.
In the same way, we are seeing something similar with transgender people. So many successful transgender people now exist. Not only are they in entertainment, they also are in politics and business and mental health. They’re authors, speakers, teachers. They’re everywhere.
And more are coming in to the world all the time.
It makes being a transgender person in the world much easier. More than ever, transgender people can find support in abundance. The fact that a major liquor brand is on board with transgender people is astonishing. Especially so as the ad J&B produced is in Spanish. The language of a culture that, in some places around the world still considers being gay a crime. And being trans something worse.
The world is so much better for transgender people. I only hope that more transgender people discover what my transgender clients discover. That is that the only thing keeping a transgender person these days from discovering and then living a joyful life are the stories such a person tells, which creates something different from the life they want.
The world is increasingly on the side of transgender people. Of course, it’s always been that way. But today it’s more so than ever. What a great time to be alive Transgender or Trans-attacted!
If you’re life isn’t going great and you want it to, I can help.
If you are experiencing life-threatening circumstances and don’t want to die, you should seek professional advice.
Depression can easily overtake transgender and trans-attracted people. When someone wants something really bad – like a body reflecting who they know themselves to be, or a lover they believe doesn’t exist – the negative stories that person tells about their desire can drive the person into helplessness.
In helplessness – feeling no ability to get what one wants – hopelessness isn’t far behind. Hopelessness is different from helplessness. Helplessness is about feeling no ability to help one’s self. Hopelessness, on the other hand, is a sense that NO ONE can help the person achieve the desire.
Depression can follow long bouts with these two states. Depression, as many know, is an inward-directed, unexpressed anger. As we all also know, depression can debilitate. It’s so powerful, and so many suffer from its conditions, society spends billions on therapeutic interventions to help those chronically “stuck” in such states.
But helplessness, hopelessness and depression are all positive emotional states. This post explains specifically how depression is beneficial. But it can be read as an extension to apply to all emotions, including helplessness and hopelessness.
What is depression?
Many think they understand depression. Especially depressed people. But if they really understood what depression is, they wouldn’t find themselves stuck in it. So let’s look at what depression really is.
Depression is a signal the depressed person is sending themselves. Most people don’t understand this, so instead of listening to the signal and doing something about it, they instead “cover up the signal.”
Let’s say you’re coming up to a railroad crossing. A train is coming. The lights on your side of the tracks are flashing red.
Would you ignore the signal and cross the track? Of course not. You’d get killed.
Depression is like the flashing light. It is telling the depressed person something. The depressed person should stop and take action based on what the signal is saying.
But most depressed people receive the signal and don’t know what it’s saying. So they keep doing what they’re doing instead of doing what the signal is telling them to do (in this case, changing the stories the person is telling. More on that in a bit).
What depression tells people
Most depressed people will disagree with this, but it doesn’t make it less accurate: Depression is not that serious. It’s just a really strong signal.
It just so happens that, as signals go, it’s one of the most intense. Usually, a person who experiences depression was oblivious to earlier, less intense signals received on the way to “depression”.
In other words, they didn’t listen to the less-intense signals, so now they’re getting one of the most intense.
Had they heeded the less intense ones, they wouldn’t have ended up depressed. And, it would have been easier to do something about the signal.
So what is this signal telling the depressed person? It’s telling them they have beliefs and thoughts that are at odds with the “what-is-ness” of life. That’s all it is.
The dominant state of All That Is is positive expansion, eagerness, enthusiasm, joy, ecstasy, etc. It knows everything is always working out towards positive expansion, fulfillment, expression, awareness, etc. This is not theoretical or just “spiritual”. It is the actual state of things.
Beauty, positivity and joy available everywhere
Humans create their reality. They can create any reality they want. When they are creating reality consistent with what they are as physical embodiments of All That Is, they resonate or feel in tune with All That Is.
How does that feel? It feels positive, expansionary, eager, enthusiastic, joyful, ecstatic, fulfilled, etc.
But when a person creates a reality inconsistent with all the above, they feel consistent with that creation. Anger, frustration, annoyance….all the way down to depression.
Feelings are important. Many people don’t understand their function as signals. They help a person know what they are creating.
So a person who feels depressed has chronically created a reality inconsistent with what they are. Reality creation occurs first in vibration, then in thought form, then in a received thought before the creation becomes physical reality. In each of those stages, an emotion/feeling is received by the person doing the creating. This helps the person catch their creation early on, before it springs into physical reality.
In short, at The Transamorous Network, we refer to this reality-creation process as “telling stories”.
Feelings help keep us on track
If a person keeps telling stories, and thus, creating reality along lines inconsistent with All That Is, eventually they will get harsher or more and more intense signals…until they get the message. Depression, then, is not anything mysterious or serious. It is only a signal a person is receiving.
This example may be illustrative.
Let’s say as a child, a young woman, was sexually abused by her father. The first time it happened, the child may have felt out of sorts. By the fifth or so time it happened, her internal awareness that something is not right is already in high gear.
Now, she has an opportunity to act. She knows what to do, even though she’s a little girl. But she doesn’t because she’s unclear.
That’s the first, and lightest, signal: lack of clarity or confusion.
Now, let’s say the father threatens her. Let’s say he says “you tell your mom and I’m going to kill you.” Or something less extreme: “honey, keep this a secret between you and me. Don’t tell your mom.”
The young girl knows intuitively she should say something. But now she’s confused because her dad is telling her to keep this secret.
Uncertainty momentum creates more momentum
So the situation continues. She starts feeling more uncertainty. That’s a signal.
Note that this little girl’s mood will change. She’ll gradually lose the joy, freedom, happiness and enthusiasm for life. These emotions go away because her thoughts or stories are turning to beliefs – “conclusions about her world” and about what she has experienced:
“this should not be happening”
“I don’t understand”
“I don’t want this to happen any more”
“I feel out of control”
“I feel like this is wrong”
Eventually, this clarity will turn on itself and she will begin thinking different thoughts or telling different stories:
“I’m angry at my dad”
“I hate my dad”
Then she will turn her thoughts/stories on herself:
“This is my fault”
“I must have done something to deserve this”
“I’m a bad person for letting this happen”
The positive, constructive anger expressed at her dad is now turned inward on herself. Action she could have taken to express her anger, or even earlier, her lack of understanding (which is a very light signal), now is not available.
Self blame turns to discouragement about life. Discouragement turns to anger (at herself), anger turns to rage (at herself and her dad and perhaps her mom for not noticing and stopping him) which extends to life in general. Rage at life in general turns to insecurity/guilt/unworthiness.
Less intense signals ignored become more intense signals
Now, in this “vibration” where signals being received are insecurity/guilt/unworthiness, the young woman, who may be in high school by now, is long into creating a reality matching these signals. The momentum of that reality is so strong by now, it’s pretty much running the show.
As a result, this young woman may experience increasingly “negative” life experiences. But these are just signals too. She may start doing poorly in school. Or she might show behavior problems. Maybe she puts on a lot of weight, eating too much. Or she starves herself becoming paper thin. She may start taking drugs. She may dress a particular way, or hang out with people who resonate with this reality she creates.
These life experiences, which she is creating, also generate a feedback loop. The more she remains in this state and does not do anything about the signals, the more of these kinds of experiences she will have.
By now she might even create situations where she is further sexually abused. She may be raped. She may turn to prostitution. Or she may develop other signals we call “illnesses” such as Fibromyalgia, PTSD, “anxiety disorder” or other “traumas”. All of these are signals, not to others, to herself. Spiritually, emotions are the earliest signals. If ignored, the next level activates: life experiences show up as “louder” signals.
Vicious circle born of ignorance
If she tries to treat the signals, masking them by taking drugs or drinking, that’s like trying to turn off the lights at the railroad crossing. She doesn’t get to the foundation of all her life troubles: underlying thoughts and beliefs the signals are pointing to.
If she is oblivious to the connection between her signals and her experiences, she will think the experiences are independent of her and the signals. She’ll compound her problematic beliefs, thinking:
“Men are scum”
“The world is scary”
And create more thoughts consistent with her experience:
“I’m a loser”
“These are the only friends I can get”
“Sex is my only value”
“I’ll disappear by eating”
At any time in this process the young woman can turn all this around. But it’s easier to do it in the early stages than it is after reality begins matching the signals.
By the time one reaches the depression signal, turning things around takes longer.
Reversal: omnipresent and available
BTW, all this is subtle. This is why counseling can help because it uncovers many of the original beliefs and experiences that generated the early stage signals. But a person doesn’t need counseling. They can turn this around themselves by focusing on how they’re thinking and change that while paying attention to the signals they’re getting – their feelings and their physical life experiences.
So depression acts as an indicator, helping the creator get back on track when they veer off course. People get stuck in depression (or other negative emotion) when they don’t understand what purpose emotions serve.
The good news is changing course gets really easy with a little practice. And when a person changes their stories about life experience, life experience becomes the Charmed Life I write about. A text from a client who once was on the verge of suicide shows this:
The interesting thing is, the intensity of negative emotion indicates the equal opposite intensity of desire. In other words, those most depressed possess the potential for some of the greatest joys. Their depression indicates HUGE opportunity. If only they turn their stories around.
“Depression”, the signal, can produce great good. For when a person knows what’s shared here and takes action based on it, great good will follow. That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.
The best way to get what you want is to pursue what you want because pursuing it is joyful. This is especially true when trying to find love as a transgender or a trans-attracted person.
That’s because “the odds” of you finding the love you want are very low…if you’re looking at the odds. Looking at the odds is what it means to be “realistic”. Being realistic means “trying hard”. It means doing what others did and their successes or failures. It involves focusing with the end in mind and “faking it till you make it.”
All of those ways can work. But look around at people doing it that way. It’s hard work. People hate the process. Hardly anyone gets what they’re after, because the path is so filled with struggle many or most give up on what they want. Or worse, they compromise. They settle for something “ok” instead of holding out for their dream.
Those outcomes happen when someone goes after something thinking the result is what they’re after. If, however, a person goes after something, knowing the journey to that thing is what matters most, the entire process and experience of the process changes. It’s no longer a struggle, it’s a joy. The process of doing becomes the purpose of the doing, not the means to the ends. And in that mind space, what one wants happens, fast.
Your action isn’t the main attraction
Why does this happen? Because when the mind isn’t focused on the end goal, the mind becomes more open to millions of avenues leading to the goal instead of the one way one thinks it must happen.
Think about it. When focused on a particular goal, say, finding a lover, usually people think of one particular way to get that lover. The main way they think it must happen has to do mainly with their taking action to “make something happen”.
But the majority of people who get what they want, especially really big things they want, hardly ever get those things through their hard work. And usually, when asked, those people attribute “success” to “luck” or “god” or some other force greater than themselves that made it all possible. There’s truth to their attribution. Your action is not the main attraction.
Often, these people reach a point in their “doing” where they realize they’ve done all they can. With nothing more they can do, they give up. They surrender to “come what may”. Typically, once they give up, once they surrender, that thing they want shows up. It’s not the surrender that makes that happen. It’s what happens when one surrenders.
Surrender to the journey
When one surrenders, they give up actions, but also thoughts standing in the way of the easy flow of what is wanted. In other words, the person no longer stands in the way of what they want. Instead, in giving up, they become a cooperative element in the unfolding.
Another way of “surrendering” is giving up focusing on the end goal and instead enjoying the process, doing what one’s doing for no other reason than the joyful doing of the doing. A client and I talked about exactly this recently. Take a listen:
I have several really big things I’m “manifesting”. They include things 99 percent of humans will say can’t be done. But I know those things on my list are as easy for me as an eternal being, with the power of the Universe behind me, to accomplish as it is to walk from one room to another. However, I must relax into the process of their unfolding, because I too have residual belief in their impossibility.
It’s not the “impossibility” of the things I want keeping them from happening. It’s the belief in the impossibility slowing things down. So for someone like me, who wants really big things showing up, I must focus relentlessly on the journey as the goal rather than the goal itself. That’s why I see, nearly every day, evidence of their unfolding.
Everyone can enjoy fulfilled dreams
Compared to what’s on my list, finding a partner, for a transgender or trans-attracted person, is easy as pie. Which is exactly why I write in this blog every week how easy finding a partner is. It IS easy. When a transgender person or a trans-attracted person gives up beliefs running contrary to the love, the ideal love, they desire, what they desire will come.
Thoughts contrary to what they desire aren’t the only ones that must go though. Thoughts seemingly having nothing to do with what they want also must go. This is why it seems to take forever for most people wanting a partner to find one. It’s also why some transgender and trans-attracted people never find their partner. They aren’t willing to surrender. Meaning, they aren’t willing to give up what they must to have what they want.
The biggest thing to give up is being right. Many transgender women and trans-attracted men will swear to the accuracy of their disempowering stories about men or transgender women. Little do they know their being right is one of the biggest things keeping them from enjoying their desires fulfilled.
Anyone can have what they want no matter what it is because the Universe is a wish-granting jewel ready to deliver ANYTHING someone can formulate desire for.
All that’s required is focusing on the reason why someone wants what they want rather than focusing on the thing wanted. Doing that will naturally put one in alignment with the wanted thing, so long as the reasons feel good. If a person can remain in those good feelings, instead of thinking about how lonely they are, or how impossible the goal seems, they’ll get what they want. It’s that easy.
Feeling good is like finding
It’s easy because when a person focuses on why they want what they want and feel good in that, the desire becomes more important than the fulfillment. They don’t need the thing they want, because they already feel good without it. So the desire’s fulfillment becomes irrelevant. When a person gets there, then having what they want is icing on the cake because they already feel as they will feel when what they want comes. Feeling good about what you want, is as good as having it. And when you’re there, you’re sure to have that which you want.
If you’re struggling to find that love you want, it’s likely you’re focused too much on the end goal of having the lover, instead of enjoying the journey to the lover. It’s not hard shifting that focus. It can happen in as little as five minutes. You know you’ve done that when you feel good right now, even without having that love you want. And again, when you feel good, you’re closer to having what you want than you think.
If you want to know more about how this all works, set up a free 1:1 and let’s talk. Let’s discover how easy it is to have the love you think is impossible. It’s not as impossible as you think. All you need is a bit more joy.
There’s great power in managing vibration so that one stands in a high flying state. Doing so through positive storytelling one can literally shape others’ experiences. One can also shape other people. A powerful example of that happened this week with a Transamorous Network trans-attracted client.
This client finds himself profoundly affected by what he’s learned. He started four months ago. So he enjoys some proficiency with positive storytelling. But this week, like many clients, he came having had a rough few days. So when he showed up to the session, he wasn’t ready for what happened.
When I help clients attain a high proficiency with telling stories, I create a vibrational bubble in which I hold the session. Every session feels the same because of this. The high vibrational state I create then hold during the session “pulls” clients from wherever they are, to where I am. That’s why, unlike traditional therapyor counseling, every client enjoys extremely satisfying sessions containing powerful insights and breakthroughs.
A compelling offer
This time, however, I brought a lot more vibrational mastery to the table than usual. That’s because I meditated prior to the session, using a process which increases one’s vibrational focus. I also used another process because I wanted to amplify the great feeling I felt after meditation.
By the time I came to the session, I was bouncing off the walls with intense, positivity, appreciation and joy. So much so, the client’s socks got blown off.
The disparity between where he was and where I was was so great, he had to join me. He literally had no choice because my mastery was so strong. So when the client came into my bubble, his negative vibration had no place to go but outta here! 😂.
Which is why, after the session, he sent this:
Creating people on demand
When it comes to relationships, especially romantic ones, most people try to manipulate, convince, “love” (it’s not really that), bribe, blackmail or blame their partners into being someone they can be happy with. That hardly ever works.
Indeed, the whole idea of “love languages” is part of the problem with relationships. Expecting someone to be a certain way so you feel better is a recipe for disaster. It’s also not loving.
Loving is unconditional. That means, no matter how a person might be, you still love them. That’s hard when vibrational mastery eludes you.
But with vibrational mastery, not only can you love a person no matter how they are, when you do, THEY CHANGE.
The best way to change someone is to tell better stories about them. When you do, you “vibe” with the version of the person you want to experience. Then the person you’re with changes into that person. Better stories about that person make that possible. In the process you also feel fucking great!
Trying to change people through action or words hardly ever works. When it does work, it rarely lasts. It often also creates resentment. But using stories, you can make any change you want permanent. And people love you for it.
It’s just like what my client experienced. And I wasn’t even trying!
Want a powerful relationship with those you love, those you work with and those you care about? Stop trying to change them. Tell better stories about them, become a match to their best self. Then, watch how much power you have to create people on demand.