I love it when I connect with transgender women who get it. The trans community is NOT homogenous. Not in any respect, but especially when it comes to opinions about many things, including being transgender.
Many transgender women hold views totally different from those who complain about men, their lives, the world around them and how poorly that world treats them. To the trans-attracted men: I suggest focusing on these transgender women. Not those who blame you for their experience. Trust me, you’ll find them everywhere.
I will say this over and over: men struggle with their trans-attraction. That struggle strongly resembles processes many transgender women go through on their way to self-acceptance. Processes that help both parties get over their fear, their confusion, and shame. In other words, both parties have a lot in common. In fact, both parties share extremely intimate experiences. Experiences that can form the basis of intense, intimate, deep, loving relationships.
Another joyful connection
I had the pleasure of communicating with yet another transgender woman whose insight and maturity allows her to see things other transgender women can’t or won’t. I loved reading her response to a story I posted recently. Her response increases my knowing that these kinds of women exist. Women who share perspectives I have. Perspectives which say being trans is a unique, special and world-changing experience. And those having those experiences are worthy of veneration.
In the story I posted not long ago, I shared my personal views about transgender women. I wrote about what they represent (to me) and what that representation means for the world. Kariresponded to that story. She gave me permission to use her real name.
The two comments she made are gold:
I’m heartened that transgender women exist like Kari. Women who can hold two different views and accept both. I also appreciate her self awareness. That self awareness shines through her self-image. A self-image through which she can see flaws in beliefs transgender women hold which vilify trans-attracted men. And ideas that try to put all transgender women in the same box.
There’s a lesson here guys
The transgender community is as diverse as any other. Transgender women exist who will meet any preference. They don’t all think the same. While there are transgender women who want to live as if they’re cis, there are transgender women who eschew that paradigm. And if you’re interested in a trans woman who will satisfy your preferences, you can find them.
Finding them however, means you must stop putting all your eggs in the wrong basket. Instead, focus on what you want to the exclusion of all else. Let them come to you. Let the Universe bless you with your perfect match. You do that by becoming a match to what you want. That happens if you focus exclusively on what you want.
Meanwhile, the girl you want, who meets your every preference, will get her own impulses. She’ll be inspired to places where you are. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself in her arms. And her in yours. Need help figuring this out? Then contact me.
And feel free to read some of Kari’s writings on Medium.
Trigger warning:This story is for trans-attracted men and therefore contains content that, while accurate, may be triggering for some transgender women. If you’re easily triggered by other people’s opinion, best that you go read something else.
Earlier this past month, I posted a popular story about why so many trans-attracted men are showing up these days. This is a companion story. While the other story offered hope to transgender women, this one offers hope to the men. This story encourages men not to settle, to instead hold fast to what they want.
That’s because the Universe will give you exactly what you want. But you must become a match to it. That means telling stories consistent with what you’re wanting. In time as your stories gain momentum, men, you will undoubtedly encounter your dream transgender partner.
There’s an old English saying: “Every old sock, meets an old shoe.” It means, eventually, every thing finds its match or mate. The same holds true for trans-attracted men. Hold out for what you want. Soothe stories you’re telling that contradict what you want. Then you will meet your match.
There’s a match for everyone
While telling stories about what you want, it’s critical that you not listen to other people’s stories. Especially if those stories contradict what you’re wanting. For example, if a transgender woman disparages your desire to be topped by a transgender woman, you don’t want to listen to that.
The Universe isn’t listening to that person relative to your desire. So why should you?
The Universe thrives on diversity. Especially diversity of expression. That means, for every desire, a condition fulfilling that desire exists. This includes mates. In other words, for every person who wants to be with someone, no matter the conditions they desire, mates will show up. That’s right. Mates PLURAL. But most men just want one girl. Unless you men hold yourselves as not a match to what you want, it’s guaranteed you’ll get it.
For example, there are many men who want to be with a transgender woman who finds joy in using her penis. And for every man with this desire, there are increasing numbers of transgender women showing up expressing pleasure in such acts. Indeed, many such women exist on Instagram already. And many are quite beautiful. Same with YouTube. Here’s one YouTuber. Here’s another.
If you are such a man desiring such a girl, it’s really important you tell stories consistent with your desires. What do those sorts of stories sound like? Like this one, offered by Julian, a transamorous reader of our content who also happens to enjoy “bottoming,” apparently:
Get what you want
Julian’s perspective, his story, is as refreshing as it is bold. It also will guarantee he meets a woman who will derive joy from having sex with him. Julian doesn’t give a rip what other transgender women, or anyone else, thinks about his interest. And, he knows when he meets his match, she will get as much pleasure as he does from his style of sexual expression.
That’s been my experience. Nearly every transgender woman I’ve dated has been a match to my desires. That tells me it doesn’t matter what statistics say, or what transgender women say about my desires. As you are the creator of your reality, statistics don’t matter and neither do others’ opinions.
Every old sock meets an old shoe! You will get what you want. You open the door to what you want the moment you focus on your desires and leave everyone else’s opinion out of the equation.
Meanwhile, I must sound like a broken record. I’m sure some roll their eyes when I say “you meet these kinds of men because you’re a match to them. Change the stories about men you’re meeting and you’ll meet different men. If you don’t, you’ll keep meeting these men you revile.”
Here’s a perfect example of a typical response I get:
Well, dear transgender women readers, if you won’t listen to me, perhaps you’ll listen to a fellow transgender woman. This person is not a client. And yet what she shares is exactly what I tell my clients repeatedly.
In a story she wrote for Halloween, she acknowledged her past experiences which showed her how she perfectly matched men she met. Not only does she describe it perfectly, she also acknowledges the fact: every transgender woman creates every situation they experience.
Indeed. And that includes men they meet. Here’s the author’s own words:
The gold is within
In other words, who we’re being, creates experiences we get. If we’re getting a certain kind of man, we’re creating him. So the solution is do something about who we’re being. Complaining about what we’re getting won’t work!
This transgender woman shares so much gold. The story is worth reading in its entirety. In it she confronts her own stories, who she was being, and in doing so, she owns having created her past experiences. Then she changes who she was being, first by examining what stories she put out in the past, then conjuring new stories about what she wanted.
Is it any wonder this transgender woman is in a relationship? Here’s some more gold:
A human being is a powerful, eternal expression of All That Is. In that expression we enjoy full free will. We can create any experience we desire. No one else does it but us.
The question remains then: when transgender women blame men for their experiences, who really is to blame? Is there really blame to assign? Or is it really the case of an eternal being (the trans woman), having chosen to come into the world as trans, figuring out the best way to joy, but getting stuck in her shoddy creations?
Those are questions every transgender woman should seriously consider.
Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.
They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.
Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.
Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.
Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”
The problem is whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”
And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.
Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.
Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.
But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.
We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.
For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.
Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.
Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.
Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.
How to not get your true love
Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.
It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.
Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.
Transgender and trans-attracted people seem to worship a false idol. It’s called hard work. Look around. So many of us are working so hard (and spending a lot of money) to find love. When instead, love can come easy. But it comes easily only if we take it easy and let it happen.
I’m not surprised so many struggle and spend a lot of money trying to find love. We’re on all kinds of dating sites. We go to bars, spend money on drinks trying to look cool. Then go home alone.
It’s the same approach we take to life in general. We spend, on average half or more of our waking lives working. Some dedicate far more of their waking hours to working hard. (For the record, because I follow my own advice, I now only work 8 hours a week and cover all my living expenses.)
Americans in particular are known for their workaholism. A client of mine on vacation in Spain talked with someone, a Spanish citizen, who described her opulent and leisure lifestyle. In doing so, she said “Americans live to work. We Spaniards work to live.“
There’s no honor in being transgender or trans-attracted and venerating working hard as the path to a relationship. If we knew more about how life works, our struggle at getting a relationship would dramatically decrease. We’d instantly find ourselves in a loving relationship. Then, everything else we want would easily flow from that.
Indeed, the easy life carries far more productivity potential. That’s because when one takes it easy, following both intuition and passion instead of doing what others expect of them, remarkable things happen. And they happen because them happening expresses nature’s grace for everyone, including transgender and trans-attracted people.
Runaway success is natural
Take a look at the paradox described by “working hard“. Many people work very hard in their lives and barely get anywhere. The working poor are a great example. But so are many of the middle class. Many people in the middle class struggle mightily working hard and just barely cover their needs and wants. Or they get far enough to amass material pleasures. But since many middle class people finance such things, they end up working even harder to pay off credit cards, mortgages and car loan debt.
Others enjoy a smattering of success evidenced by promotions, vanity titles or a real supervisory role. But those “successes“ usually lead to more work as well.
And when it comes to runaway success, an even greater paradox exists. Some of the most successful put in hardly any work at all and find success near immediately, while others work very hard in the same field and get comparatively nowhere.
Take the case of Sir Lewis Hamilton, the first Formula One driver who happens to be a person of color. He is described as a race car “prodigy“. From a very early age, his parents recognized his instinctual attraction to racing. Everyone saw it. So everyone supported him as he rose far beyond others. Others working equally hard and some working even harder.
Hamilton does behind the steering wheel what others rarely or never do. Indeed, his “hard work“ was more about further developing his natural gifts, his passions, not struggling to achieve “success” or accomplish anything.
Something else must be happening
I was just about to write “not to diminish the effort Hamilton put into becoming a skillful driver”. But my desire to write that evidences my own indoctrination into our collective distortion; the distortion that “hard work” is the key to success. If it were the key to success, if it were instrumental in things going the way we want, why are so many hard working people not successful?
Which leads me to the following. Something else must be happening that allows some people to succeed with little effort and others, despite lots of effort, hardly ever get anywhere. This is the case for something larger having more influence on one’s success than how much effort or action one dedicates toward that goal. See where this is going?
So why is it some people who work so hard achieve comparatively little? I assert the answer has nothing to do with their hard work. Instead, it has far more to do with stories people tell.
Stories we hold create a resonance, or lack thereof, with whatever it is we decide is “success”. One’s image of oneself, what one believes is possible, and what one chooses to do from those perspectives shapes everything. That’s why transgender and trans-attracted people first must love themselves before trying to find love from another.
Action of any kind, especially in relationships, means comparatively little.
The easy life for all
That resonance giving rise to inevitable success feels a certain way. And that feeling indicates a gradually emerging life that, initially, feels better than what it feels like when working hard towards a goal. It feels like freedom, adventure, positive expectation and empowerment on a consistent basis.
Most people experience such feelings infrequently or not at all. Such experiences explain why so many struggle or live mediocre lives or lives of compromise. They’re not resonating with success they claim they want. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people when it comes to finding a partner.
We’re too busy trying to get there, copying what others do: wading through online dating profiles, for example. We won’t slow down and get in touch with that which will bring our lover to us. We don’t believe such a thing possible. So the relationship we want eludes us.
We all enjoy free will. All That Is wants us focusing our time and action living the easy life. That’s because doing so adds to or fulfills that which we each as transgender or trans-attracted people came to fulfill. And in that fulfillment, All That Is becomes more.
People who struggle contribute to more too. But how many of those people – were they in their right mind instead of the mind that has them struggling to find love – how many of those people would trade what they have for the easy life? I would argue such people, in their right mind, would make that trade.
That’s because everyone knew that’s the life they would live before coming into the world. That easy life available to everyone of us, trans or trans-attracted.
Nature wants us happy
Instead, so many of us choose struggle. We all have free will, as I’ve said. We are all also eternal. So eventually, each of us, as individuals, learn to give up the hard life for the easy one. For many, that takes several lifetimes.
But for a select few, it can happen in this lifetime. By “select few“ I don’t mean to imply that someone else, like some god, chooses the lucky ones. The select few select themselves. They are those who do something about stories they tell, about their lives, about themselves and about the love they want.
And when those people do that, their life becomes the easy life. In time, they leave struggle behind.
Many struggles we transgender and trans-attracted people have stem from thinking we must do it all to get what we want. Thinking that way, we usually end up feeling discouraged and bitter. We complain about life, men, transgender women. We even complain about who we are.
I suggest we give up all of that. Do that and a whole new world opens up. One in which everything we want happens easily.
Like any false idol, working hard to get love results in emptiness and a poor substitute for fulfillment. I suggest we give that idol up. Of course, I can help with that.