TLDR: The author creates an outcome supporting their contention that one’s beliefs create their reality…even their financial reality. They continue with the assertion that results like these explain why so many people have become clients, particularly people of the same family, giving credence to the power of the practice.They then encourage trans and trans-attracted people to access their inherent power through the stories they tell to create their own financial reality.
When what you’re about to read happened, I wasn’t excited about it. I wasn’t excited about it because it felt like it was meant to be. Abraham describes that feeling as “an of course”; Manifestations of this kind just feel like the next natural step of one’s life. That is, when one becomes a master of the Five Steps of Deliberate Creation.
Some transgender women and trans-attracted men may think that last sentence makes no sense. But clients are proving it highly accurate. So am I, which is why I write this blog for the trans community. I share these things to inspire community members to empower themselves. Empower themselves so they can create lives they love instead of ones in which they suffer, often alone.
What you’re about to read is really incredible. But it’s something that can happen in anyone’s life. Anyone willing to choose to see only positive things happening in the world. There’s great power in that simple choice. It can literally create anything we want: a lover, a better life, even more money.
Let’s take a look at this remarkable, but expected manifestation and how it happened.
A desire for more money
I took a pretty large position on a financial asset years ago. My Broader Perspective encouraged the act. The asset developers promised remarkable changes to the internet once they launched their technology. The financial asset backed their development expenses.
I liked what they planned. It perfectly dovetailed with a project I’m developing. So when I read about their plans, I got excited. I also knew my excitement told me something important. That’s why I took the position on the asset I did.
Fast forward to last month. The project I backed progressed so well, I wanted to support it more. Plus, I feel a knowing that this project will help many other high tech goals, thus increasing the asset’s value. So I wanted to increase my position by around 30 percent.
However, at the current market price, that 30 percent increase would cost around $2500. I didn’t want to spend $2500. I wanted to spend under $2000.
Talking with a spiritual peer of mine, I just tossed around stories about how cool it would be to see the asset’s price drop to where the new position I’d take would cost me something less than $2000.
Thoughts make financial markets move
The Universe is a hologram. We’ve all heard this analogy. Holograms, if you examine a small part of them, always reflect the whole. In the same way, the Universe, from top to bottom, reflects itself. Whether we’re looking at the whole thing, or a super-tiny portion of it, such as a trans or trans-attracted person’s life, principles by which the Universe functions hold steady. Rather than alluding to holograms, I prefer the term recursive. It’s a much better and easier-to-understand illustration of how the Universe is.
Since the Universe and its principles are recursive, I knew that financial markets and money must work the same way everything else in the Universe works. In other words, money and markets are subject to the same energetic forces making everything else work. We could assert then that money and markets are subject to stories we tell about them. That’s because our stories form all other parts of our experience.
What we believe and say about money and markets, therefore, is what makes money and markets work. This shouldn’t shock anyone. It’s easy to see, superficially, that this is what happens. When investors think optimistically, they tend to act in ways that push markets up. Their pessimistic thoughts do the opposite. Their beliefs, in other words, drive prices.
But can an individual make an entire market swing?
That brings me back to my intention.
I know what I’m doing
After talking with my friend, I very lightly focused on the idea of the asset price dropping; to the point where I could increase my position for less than two grand. I then set a notification in my app. I wanted it to alert me when that happened. Doing that, I avoided needing to check it all the time. It also allowed me to take my attention off the subject.
That’s a key element of creating reality or manifesting. Focusing too much on a desired manifestation can unintentionally cause us to focus on the opposite of what we’re wanting. When that happens, we amplify the absence of our desire, thus causing its absence to prolong. This explains why many trans women and trans-attracted men remain single. They don’t realize that in their attempts to find love, they use the process to create evidence that they can’t find it.
They don’t know what they’re doing in other words.
It’s important that we know what it is upon which we put our focus.
But I know what I’m doing.
So after setting that alert, I took my mind totally off what I wanted. Instead, I thought about other pleasing things, things that thrill me. Like going on bike rides, swimming laps in the community center pool and working out and reading good books for example.
What happened next surprised no one involved.
Moving the market through thought
Five days later, my alert triggered. Because I wasn’t thinking about it, the alert surprised me. My phone rested on the arm of a chair in which I sat watching a Netflix series. I saw my phone screen brighten through my peripheral vision.
The alert that came. It shows two days ago because I took the screen shot two days after, when I started writing this post.
I picked up my phone, opened the app and, sure enough, the price dropped…a lot. By Sunday, the price was exactly where I wanted it. Of course, I took the bigger position securing a 30 percent increase in my asset stake for less than $2000.
Arrow A. Looking at the market on this day with my spiritual peer, I intended a price drop so I could take deeper position on the asset. B. On this day, the prices started looking like they were trending in the right direction, but it wasn’t necessarily indicating a drop like I wanted. So I set the alert described above. C. By the time I looked at the alert, which I set for .00219, the price had dropped to around .00215, the perfect target to take my position.
Reality is subject to our focus
A lot is going on in the world. Intention, energetic focus and momentum drives all that. This is the basis of how the Universe works. Anyone, including a trans woman or trans-attracted man, can tap into it, then leverage it to create anything they want. In this way, everything becomes possible for such a person. Including love.
My clients are discovering this as I continue expanding my own abilities while sharing what I’m learning with them. As a result, they are finding what I find: that their reality is subject to their focus. Whatever they focus on, they therefore can achieve.
No wonder their family members are becoming clients too. That’s right. Client’s husbands, sisters, friends, in laws and more are becoming clients because of what they see in their relative. In other words, this practice works.
Nothing is off limits because everything in the Universe is subject to the same principles. The very principles we all control. And yet so many people don’t know they enjoy such power.
But I know. Which is why I’m realizing the Universe is at my command. Including financial markets. It’s so cool seeing that become my reality.
Addendum
One thing I’m speculating as I witness this unfolding: it seems being able to affect such results depends on one’s passions being aligned with the desired outcome. If one doesn’t feel passion for the subject area, I’m not sure they have the power to affect an outcome. I’m still working on whether this speculation is accurate. But it certainly seems so as I observe what I’m able to do and what my clients produce.
TLDR: The author uses their personal experience using the power of deliberate creation to influence their government, to suggest that everyone can do the same, including transgender people. Their example shows how individuals hold the ultimate power. Not groups or even governments.
The power of government, like the power of everything, lies within us. “Us” includes transgender people. Transgender people can shape the government to their desires, therefore. Doing so, however, requires high-level alignment to All That Is. That is, one cannot push against the tide of All That Is. And All That Is is progressive.
All That Is is constantly expanding into more. It voraciously moves in the direction of the undiscovered. All That Is seeks that which is new, that which has never been done before. So if we’re trying to thwart something we think is unfair, hate-filled or erasing us, then we push against the tide of All That Is.
Humans think they understand what All That Is is about. They’ve written books about their thinking and called those books “the will of god”. But the god they think is god isn’t that. Sure, there’s wisdom in those books. After all, humans have connection to that which people call god, even if they don’t understand what that is.
Because of the nature of being “human” and a lot of distortion, however, that lack of understanding pervades books people think are “the will of god”. The trick of getting at the wisdom is knowing the difference between the wisdom and the distortion.
This story details an unfolding thrilling me these last few days. It’s evident of everything I just shared. We are the creator of our reality. All of it. That means our government too. Here’s an example of how transgender people can shape government to their will.
Let’s dive in.
Shaping your government flows from your focus
First we must realize the government we experience is uniquely ours. It’s not the same government others experience. Even those in the same country. We therefore can’t create government for others. For while we can move government in our favor, it’s still going to work the way it works for others.
That sounds crazy, I know. But the Universe is a paradox in that everyone experiences their own unique version of the Universe, with no two people experiencing the same experience, even if it looks like they are. That’s because every point of consciousness exists in its own reality. And every person is a point of consciousness. The reality they experience, therefore, emerges from and reflects back to them, the consciousness that is them.
This explains again why trying to force others to accept our version of what we want brings difficulty and resistance. People inherently know they create their own reality. So they’ll naturally resist something that isn’t their creation. It’s futile, therefore, trying to convince people that trans women are women, for example. It’s better to just let them have their experience. Do that and, in time, they will create reality for themselves that will change their minds. Perhaps they will birth a transgender child. Or maybe a close relative will come out as trans. All That Is works in seemingly mysterious ways.
Being leveraged or being the lever
But those living in beliefs that convince them there exists an objective reality separate from them are bound to live in insecurity while trying to change others’ minds. As such they are willing stooges. Others can easily dupe them into following what they think is right, or attack that which they say is wrong. This is what we see with both major political parties and politicians in general. A lot of insecurity underlies politics. Which explains why so much churn exists in that arena.
Transgender people, therefore, find themselves in the position of being a lever. A lever politicians use to attract voters to their cause. It’s happening on both sides. Those who support the trans community and those who are against it are doing the same thing. They’re using “trans” as lightening rod. It was the same with gay people, the Negro, communists and Asian Americans at the beginning of World War II.
But we don’t need involve ourselves in any of that to enjoy a government that supports what we desire. We only need to focus on what we want. Focus on what we want purely and with a delicate form of nonchalance, and the government will bend to our desire. It won’t happen instantly, but it must happen if we hold our focus.
That’s what happened with me over the last three years.
Many think god will line up against their enemies. They claim that being is on their side. They couldn’t be more wrong. Especially for those fighting against trans people.
Deliberate creation springs from one’s emotions
Back in 2021 then president-elect Biden ran on a platform which included forgiving student loan debt. He wasn’t the only one. Several other progressives at the time argued for doing the same. Existing provisions in federal law offered paths to student loan debt forgiveness. But Biden wanted to widen that.
As a holder of student debt myself, I was all for it. The moment candidates began talking about this, I was on board. Indeed, I had a strong sense my student debt would be forgiven. So I held lightly the idea and doing so pleased me. So did the idea. This is a positive sign.
Nearly every new client, when asked the purpose of emotions, gets the answer wrong. Which tells me people don’t understand emotions’ purpose. But this is a crucial bit of information! Without it, humans literally are adrift on a sea of emotions, bobbing around on waves with no control, no rudder, no way to steer a course. Without course selection ability, they remain buffeted by the waves. Waves in the form of the latest “breaking” news, or the latest politician trying to get their attention, their vote, their money or all of the above.
I include almost all trans people in this description. It’s why so many feel intense negative emotions about being trans, or about what certain political factions want to do to them. But those who understand emotions enjoy extreme power and influence. Not influence over others, although that happens paradoxically. But influence over their reality. They can literally shape their reality to their desires. No exceptions.
That’s what I was doing by noticing how pleased I felt while entertaining the idea of the government forgiving my student loan debt.
Biden expressing his intents on student loan forgiveness back in 2020.
The soft focus allows manifestation
Now, emotions don’t create reality. Reality emerges as vibration energy assembles about itself along frequencies matching the core vibration. Vibration in early stages doesn’t feel like much. Not long after momentum ensues, however, vibration becomes thought. And our brains are designed to interpret evolved or expanded vibration that is thought into thought form.
Our job as humans is to hold that focus on that evolved or expanded vibration. Doing that, we add our own momentum to the unfolding. In time, that focus must move that vibrational expansion into a manifestation; a manifestation our senses interpret as “physical reality”.
So if a trans person can focus solely on their desired reality, even in the face of their current undesirable reality, their desired reality MUST happen. It’s how the Universe works!
As I felt pleasure thinking about the government forgiving my debt, I focused on the pleasure and the idea. I still had the debt though. That was my current, undesirable reality. But I know what I’m sharing right now. So I knew my reality was coming. That’s what I held to.
I didn’t hold it with a rigid death grip though. Instead I held a soft focus similar to what martial artists practice at advanced levels. Doing that, I could feel momentum increase. What happened next was part of the unfolding.
Dream it and it’s yours
What happened next was, the following year I had a dream. In the dream I stood in line with others who all were getting their student loan debt forgiven. Here’s my journal entry recording the experience. I’ve focused on the pertinent part of the dream:
A dream where I am fulfilling my desire!
Dreams are an important aspect of deliberate creation. Knowing their role alongside emotion adds confidence to the whole process. So the fact I had a dream about having my student loan paid off was an awesome part of the process. It also told me I was on track. That assured me, which caused me to double down on my belief in the unfolding.
If transgender people can, for just a short while, focus on their desired reality, in short order, they’ll receive confirmation that reality is coming. Then, if they hold to that focus, that confirmation will get bigger and bigger, until evidence is so overwhelming that they’ll one day find themselves in a reality matching the desire.
But so many do the opposite. They focus on the undesirable reality: JK Rowling saying what she says, anti-trans politicians saying what they say or doing what they do or passing what they pass. Meanwhile, trans people don’t realize that in these events they are getting evidence of exactly what you just read, only in the direction of more undesirable reality: They focus on the things they don’t want to happen. And in that focus they just get more of that.
Nothing resists momentum
I know better. So in the face of apparent undesirable reality emerging, I held my focus. Exactly as I encouraged trans people to do above.
Most republicans were not OK with democrats proposing what they were proposing. In fact, many right wingers even now oppose the idea. Those who claim people should “pull their own weight” and “pay their debts” have no idea what’s happening in All That Is. They’re literally clueless.
I’m not though.
So when republicans started trying to put the kibosh on Biden’s plans to forgive student loan debt, even when their efforts got to the Supreme Court, and those nitwits ruled Biden’s first attempt unconstitutional, I held my focus. I knew this was evidence of “what is” pushing back against what is becoming. And so I stood my vibrational ground, knowing all would unfold as I desired.
Nothing can withstand momentum once it gets underway. Especially momentum of what is. Indeed, because of this, the deliberate creator can experience the “push back” inherent in “what is”, not as resistance, but as a sign of things going their way.
It’s like the Universe telling the creator “are you sure you want this? Or would you prefer what you currently have?” Just like when our computer asks us to confirm we want to delete something, the Universe wants us to be sure we want a new reality. It does so by amplifying our current one.
How physical matter works
Here’s another take on the matter. What is, the state of reality in physical, is vibrational momentum at a state actualized into an apparent, objective, external-to-us experience. Humans think this state — what is — is the now, the present. But it’s not the present. What is, is the past. It has manifestED. What’s manifestING is the present moment, the now. And that always trumps “what is” eventually because All That Is ALWAYS wants more.
But what is, the energy inherent in it, enjoys its own momentum. So it kind of pushes back on that which is becoming. That’s a natural part of how physical matter works: it will resist somewhat that which emerges from it.
That’s right, what’s becoming ALWAYS emerges from what is. This state of emergence is the “contrast” Abraham refers to so often.
The problem with human perception is we amplify what is by focusing on it. We also amplify it by reacting to it. Amplification causes what is to persist.
The key to having anything improve is not focusing on physical reality. When we instead focus on what we desire as an emerging reality, we add momentum to and amplify that. Then that happens faster and easier.
That’s what I did when the SCOTUS ruled against Biden’s plans. I knew even the “highest court in the land” can’t stand against that which I create.
The SCOTUS ruling was just last year. More than two years had gone by. I was determined in my focus. I know how reality happens. So I didn’t allow myself to feel daunted by the SCOTUS ruling, or the time that passed. Instead, I felt even more committed that my debt would be forgiven.
What happened next convinced me even more.
It’s always about the journey
After the Supreme Court ruling, Biden took a different tack. He found a way around the ruling, thus forgiving some $48B in student debt the same year the court struck down his earlier attempt.
The best indicator showing that your desired reality is flowing into your experience is that you aren’t thinking about it hardly at all. And when it happens, it just feels like an “of course”. This is especially true for those big manifestations we’re wanting.
That’s because by the time momentum has built to the point of manifestation, you just know it’s happening. After all, this manifesting business isn’t about the manifestations. It’s really about the journey to the manifestation.
Manifestations’ value lie in their unfolding. When we hold a desire, we summon life force through us. That feeling of life force flowing is what makes us all eternal. So the more desires we have, the more we contribute to All That Is. This explains why people have so many desires!
The problem for many people is they don’t know what you’re reading. So they don’t know how to line up and receive what they’re creating. And that explains why things often take a long time to improve: people aren’t lining up with their desire. So they die without real-izing their desires. Meanwhile, future generations get to experience them. So it’s all good!
Feeling great feels great
All the while, as the administration forgave people’s loans, they said eligible people would get an email from the Department of Education. So on Friday, when I received my email, I wasn’t surprised at all. Instead, I just felt really, really pleased. Pleased and confident that “I did this.”
My email from the Department of Education.
It was an “of course” when I saw it in my inbox. But it also indicated something else. With the doubling of my clients, and the increase in the rate I’m charging clients, I’m doing very, very well in manifesting money in my life. Indeed, I’m on track to enjoying a six-figure income from my client practice.
In addition to that, I have other manifestations in the works regarding money. Really big, exciting manifestations. And I know this student loan forgiveness manifestation is a stepping stone along that path to financial abundance.
With this forgiveness I’m officially debt-free. That feels great. My plans for my financial future are HUGE. And thinking about them, like I thought about this student loan forgiveness manifestation, means they, too, are unfolding…all in perfect timing.
But what really feels great is the feeing of feeling great. It is the epitome of life experience. The Charmed Life I write about is the feeling I’m describing here. Sure, the manifestations are fantastic. But what really feels great is the ongoing feeling of improved mood. A feeling of joy, of confidence, of clarity.
Clarity that I am a deliberate creator. One who creates their reality deliberately. There’s nothing better than that.
Give up the struggle!
I want every trans woman to enjoy this feeling and see their lives matching their version of what I described here. Where everything they want happens in ways that delight them. Where their main disposition is happiness. And so everything they want happens with little effort on their part.
Instead so many trans women struggle with their lives. I’m moved to show them how to relieve that struggle. It’s my heartfelt desire that they give up that struggle. This is why I write this blog. I know those who are ready to find the message will find what I write about here: empowerment, joy and freedom. I’ve already touched some trans women this way, so I know what I’m doing is working.
I hope this story, like all the ones I share, offer you hope and optimism. Hope and optimism are extremely powerful. They represent doorways to better futures. I hope you walk through either of those doorways and discover what I have: That you are a powerful creator and that you can create any reality you want. Including one in which your government favors you.
TLDR: The author strongly suggests that Transgender women seeking a man as their partner do themselves a disservice in dismissing love from trans-attracted men. They say such men offer the most positive match to what trans women look for. By talking themselves out of persistent negative beliefs held largely by the trans community, these trans women can more easily find love in the form of trans-attracted men, thereby transforming their life and the lives of many others.
Some Transgender women rail against men who find them attractive as transgender women. They call such men “chasers”.
Meanwhile such men find transgender women irresistibly attractive, often because such women are transgender. Yes, they’re women. But there’s no denying their trans nature. And for certain men, that nature is a big part of the attraction, just as some women find men attractive initially, because they’re men.
In other words, trans-attracted men give transgender women what they want: acceptance, love and more. These are awesome, but unappreciated gifts. That’s because some, maybe even many, or most, transgender women are too wrapped up in negative self talk to see that what they want is right in front of them.
The men are no better. They also struggle with self-acceptance. And, dear transgender women, it’s lack of self-acceptance in these men that make such men act like dicks. Part of their dickish behavior stems from the fact that they…are, well, men…and thus have been bred to be dicks. Especially when seeking love and sex.
But that doesn’t tell the whole story behind dickish behavior, either.
More and more coming out trans
I described the journey of such men in this post. But in this post, I want to specify the natural and unique relationship existing between being transgender and being trans-attracted. The two offer gifts to each other. Gifts inherent in their personages.
That’s right, an inherent, powerful relationship exists between the two. That relationship is a gift. Transgender women who recognize then leverage this relationship will find finding love much easier. They’ll enjoy the process more, and help the men become better too.
This article is bound to trigger some transgender women. Especially those who don’t accept themselves as trans. If you are transgender and at all insecure and therefore emotionally unstable in your status as a transgender person, you should not read any further.
Those who enjoy emotional stability might find what they’re about to read eye-opening.
The New York Times noted that more kids than ever before have come out as trans in the last 5-10 years. Some in our society are looking to science to explain the phenomena. Others are losing their minds about the number of kids declaring autonomy over their gender expression. Even Caitlin Jenner expressed dismay over the number of children declaring themselves trans.
But is this really something to decry? Or is it something to celebrate?
Self-inflicted transphobia?
Science-based explanations will help many understand what’s happening. But such explanations do little to soothe emotional discomfort arising from knowing what one is while looking in the mirror and not seeing that. Or for feeling an attraction for something that triggers fear and self-hatred as in the case of trans-attracted men. Or at the least causes one to question their sexuality, which is what many trans-attracted men do once they realize they find trans women adorable.
This story will make a bold assertion: That the love transgender people, particularly transgender women, seek, exists in the very people they reject: in the hearts of trans-attracted men.This of course pertains only to transgender women who seek a relationship with a man.
Some transgender women may be able to live “stealth”. They may be able to “pass” 100 percent. With medical advances, these women can pass convincingly…even in bed…for most men. But for others…not so much. Still, for the women, as much as they may pass, they know they harbor a secret. And that secret is always at risk of being discovered.
Meanwhile, there are men who stand ready to accept transgender women for ALL they are. Not just their womanhood, but also their transgender nature. And the fact that some trans women try to reject this part of themselves generates the self-loathing running rampant in the transgender community. It’s not too far of a stretch to argue that many trans women are themselves transphobic.
Which brings up the subject of fetishizing. Let’s look at that next.
A match exists for everyone
Are heterosexual men fetishizing women with vaginas because they only want to be with a woman with a vagina? Certainly some men do fetishize cis women, just as some women fetishize some men. But most straight men want a vagina-equipped woman because that’s what they’re a match to. It’s what they desire.
The same holds true for trans-attracted men. In other words, transgender women and trans-attracted men share a special relationship. One similar to the relationship straight women share with straight men.
Is a straight woman fetishizing a straight man because she likes being penetrated by a straight man’s penis? Is she fetishizing him because she feels naturally attracted to penis-equipped men and only such men?
I would wager that transgender women would say “no, she’s not. She’s just wanting to have what she’s attracted to.” And I’m sure women have conversations with their friends in which they speak about the “dick” the same way trans-attracted men talk about certain trans women and their dick.
The only difference is, some trans women have a strong aversion to their dick. Not all women of course, but many do. And if you want to do away with that appendage, then great, go for it! But to make a man wrong because he wants a penis-equipped woman, just because you yourself don’t like having a penis, is projecting your self-rejection onto someone who doesn’t deserve your projection.
His desire for a penis-equipped woman is just as “right” as your desire not to be a penis-equipped woman. Get over it. Get over it and find your match. He (or she or they) is out there. For there is a match for everyone. Even chasers.
A relationships match to chasers
When I started The Transamorous Network I made an assertion. I said transgender people represent a leading edge aspect of what it means to be human. Each person entering the world as trans, therefore, enjoys world-transformative potential. Every transgender person arrives here intending that massive transformation. Enjoying that potential though, requires the trans person accepting what they are. In doing so, they can tap into enormous insight and power.
Every transgender person can achieve very high levels of success (however they define that). While enjoying that success, they also can transform the lives of everyone they meet. Including their parents. Including other trans people.
Nearly every person, however, almost immediately loses their way once born. They forget what they are. They adopt beliefs offered by other people who also lost their way. And so, transgender people, doing the same, end up resisting what they are. That resistance cuts them off from their natural insight and power. They compromise, then end up living lives far from even mediocre.
The same goes for love and relationship. Finding love happens effortlessly for transgender people who love themselves. But when such a person refuses to love themselves as they are, let alone accept what they are, they make themselves unloveable. Then, when they try finding love, they can’t find it.
You can’t find love if you aren’t a match to it. And if we don’t love ourselves, I mean deeply and fully, unconditionally love ourselves, we’re not a match to the love we seek. So when we try finding it, we end up meeting toads – aka chasers. Chasers are insecure transgender women’s relationship matches.
Trans-loving men: no different
Now let’s look at trans-attraction. No distinction between transgender and trans-attraction exists. Both kinds of people come into the world possessing humanity-changing potential.
For the trans-attracted man, nothing compares to the resonance he feels for transgender women. That’s because such men chose before coming into the world “trans-attraction” as one of many attributes or values they would express.
Like the women coming into the world as trans, such men chose to be trans-attracted before coming. They came presenting a new way of being to humanity so humanity can evolve. So humanity can fulfill its collective desire.
What collective desire?
Evolving closer and closer to unconditional love, which is the emotional state of All That Is. Trans-attracted men made the choice for personal reasons too: They want to evolve into unconditional love for themselves as well.
Trans-attracted men and transgender women, therefore, represent two sides of the same coin. Together they comprise a match literally made in heaven. Think about it:
Transgender people at some point initially feel “different” once they tap into their transness. Trans-attracted men do too when they discover how adorable trans women are.
Nearly every transgender person strives to reconcile that “difference” by self-integrating that back into wholeness. Many transgender people struggle with this however. Trans-attracted men struggle too with this self-integration. The struggle may look different, but a struggle it remains, and at its basic nature it is the same with both parties.
Most transgender people don’t accept who they are at first. Trans-attracted men don’t either. They feel shame and embarrassment. The shame gets amplified in this toxic-masculine, heterosexual-dominated global culture. Lacking support networks, as men, they struggle even more than trans women sometimes, and, again, as men, often struggle alone.
For many years, prior to the “trans boom” trans people buried this part of themselves. They refused to accept and express it or transition. While there’s greater acceptance these days allowing trans women to transition and live authentically, trans-attracted men remain afraid to live authentically. There are a LOT of trans-attracted men. But many remain in the shadows.
These similarities offer striking insights. But so do the differences…
What differences?
Trans women these days have a robust network of fellow travelers they can lean on. There’s a TON of support systems out there for them. Not so with trans-attracted men.
Trans-attracted men are where trans women were, say, 30 years ago. They are on their own. Hardly anyone is out there trying to help them. Recently, VERY FEW such men have come out to voice their attraction. Yet, the shame they live with continues to dominate.
Trans women often can compromise on relationship partners. They choose to be with a woman after trying (unsuccessfully) to find a man. They can remain with their wives, and often do, after transitioning. Trans-attracted men can do neither, unless they remain on the DL. But eventually they get found out. When that happens, their relationship is usually over.
I’m not making a comparison akin to the “Pain Olympics”. Trans people still struggle. A lot. But it’s no denying that trans-attracted men remain where trans women were 30 years ago. It doesn’t help that the very objects of a trans-attracted man’s desire (trans women) often loathe him. That leaves the trans-attracted man with no where to turn. Is it any wonder they are on the DL, pursue hookers and consume trans porn?
I don’t think so.
The connection here to me is striking. Because the satisfaction in love trans women look for (in a man) is available in trans-attracted men. But only if trans women can give up holding such men in disparagement and revulsion. The paradox of it is – and this again represents the special relationship – the love such women seek is being held at bay by the very disparagement and revulsion those same women hold!
Mistaking attraction as fetish
Transgender women yearn for love and belonging, acceptance and respect. Trans-attracted men want to love transgender women for what they are and yearn to do so. But that kind of love, belonging and acceptance doesn’t start right out of the gate.
Loving someone for who they are comes over time, as two get to know one another. The basis upon which loving someone for who they are begins first with what they are. That’s why straight men seek straight women, gay men seek gay men, etc. Why wouldn’t a transgender woman want someone who will accept them first for what they are, then, get to know them for who they are?
Because some transgender women don’t accept themselves for what they are.
Many transgender women will not acknowledge the validity of trans-attraction. That unacknowledgement reflects their own self invalidation. Many trans women call trans-attraction a “fetish”, which is ironic because by claiming one fetishizes trans women, trans women simultaneously make themselves into an object. That’s why being fetishized without consent feels so bad. It’s not that the person sees trans women as a fetish, it’s because TRANS WOMEN interpret those people’s attention as such and then reap all that comes with that interpretation. Including the bad feelings.
A trans-attracted guy, once he gets over his shame, recognizes and respects the validity of transgender women. Then he relishes and is eager to experience love consistent with what he wants: a trans girl. There’s nothing “fetish” about that. It’s no different than cis people relishing and being eager to be with other cis people.
Acknowledging the elephant
The problem is, transgender women want heterosexual cis men to accept them as heterosexual cis women. But transgender women are not “women” in that way…they are more than women. No, this isn’t about “best of both worlds” or “something extra”. Nor is it about the political spat underway about bathrooms, feminism and the like.
Some transgender women find accepting they are more than women impossible, while other transgender women, in private conversations, acknowledge “trans” as actually something BETTER than “(cis) woman”. Trans-attracted men are attracted to trans women because they are transgender. They (the men) find outstanding qualities that come with being “trans”.
What qualities? These:
Assertiveness
Strength
Power
Clarity in their desires
Straight talk about sex and sexual pleasure
Bravery
The massive struggle trans people go through to be themselves, which like heat to steel tempers them and makes their characters shine.
Most of all though, is that quality one cannot put a finger on that has to do with the special relationship between being transgender and being trans-attracted. All other things being equal, transgender women and trans-attracted men are perfect matches.
So long as either side of that match refuses to accept who and what they are, however, that match shows up as no match at all. It’s not because no match exists. It’s because one side or the other believes no match exists. And so, for that side, a match doesn’t.
Perfect matches: the rule of the day
This paradox, of invalidating a match even while it exists, isn’t exclusive to the trans community. Indeed, it’s in every human relationship. You think humans relationships are random happenings? No! There’s no coming together that isn’t divinely intended, meaning, every coming together represents a perfect match of energies, vibrations, harmonics, whatever you want to call it.
All those words may sound like woo woo to you. But Transamorous Network and Positively Focused clients are well versed in the overwhelming evidence supporting the accuracy of those words. We all draw to ourselves those who are perfect matches to us at any given moment.
That perfectly explains why a trans woman who hates attention from trans-attracted men meet so many. Especially early-stage trans-attracted “chaser” men. Examine your beliefs. If you are meeting such men, it’s not by accident. If you want to meet “better” men, you must change how you think about men, relationships, love and, most importantly, yourself.
I know many trans women think they have healthy thoughts about themselves. But that can’t be if they’re not meeting men who they believe are healthy and wholesome. That’s because every pairing up is a perfect match!
And face it: if you end up in a relationship with a man, and that man knows you’re transgender, then that guy is trans-attracted. It doesn’t matter if he’s never dated a trans woman before. If you’re trans and he accepts that you are, he’s trans-attracted.
So why resist trans-attracted men?
The perfect match
It’s not hard finding our perfect matches. They’re all around us. And every match we enter into is a perfect match. The divine, unique and special relationship between transgender and trans attraction is, that relationship offers satisfaction at levels that can knock the socks off of everyone in that relationship.
But getting into that requires some work. Especially for trans women and trans-attracted men. That’s because both parties have many beliefs keeping them at odds with what they want.
And isn’t that ironic? The very thing they want, the Universe is bringing in abundance. But both parties hold it off through their persistent beliefs that such a match is impossible.
Trans-attracted men think they’ll never find the woman who will let them love her the way he want’s to. Trans women think the love they want exists everywhere, anywhere other than in the arms of a trans-attracted guy.
No worries. People can live their whole lives and never get what they want. Compromise is overabundant in humanity. And yet, some are finding the love they want. I know several relationships that have moved on to marriage. Some are new. Others have been going on for years. That’s because they’re perfect matches reflecting the unique and special relationship between a trans-attracted man and a trans woman.
While many trans women rail against the very men who can give them the love and happiness they seek, others are finding that love and happiness in the arms of their trans-attracted partners and husbands.
Are you such a woman? I hope you are. If not, you can be.
TLDR: The author shares how a client dramatically changed as a result of the practice they advocate. Doing so, the client found satisfying relationship success with a transgender woman, thereby supporting the author’s assertion that everyone creates their reality. Including their relationship reality.
Some transgender women struggle finding a male partner. So much so they become bitter about men. Trans-attracted men struggle too. They often become bitter as well in their search for a transgender partner. Then they wallow in that, fuming silently and alone.
But not all such men struggle. Not all transgender women struggle either. Some in both parties find one another. That’s what happened with a transamorous client over the last three weeks. It was a longer story than that; one in which he came to accept himself and his desires. Doing so, he found happiness in his heart.
When that happened his external reality had to reflect that inner state. Which is exactly what we promise here at The Transamorous Network. Today he’s finding himself in a relationship with a transgender woman perfectly matching what he’s putting out: happiness, clarity and adventure.
That’s what this story today is about. It’s about his trajectory; the trajectory that had him finding a perfect match in a trans woman of his dreams. Let’s dive in!
The tyranny of Christian dogma
This guy, who I’ll call David suffered mightily because of his trans-attraction. That’s because he was also devoutly Christian. David knew as a child that something was different with him sexual orientation-wise. Christianity, however, turned that “something was different” into “you’re going to hell”. So David struggled with that awareness for many decades. Mostly because he bought into the strong momentum of belief propping up Christianity.
What’s ironic is, David inherently knew something was wrong. Not wrong about him, though. He knew something was wrong with Christian dogma. But his fear of going to hell was so strong, so real for him, he couldn’t check in with his Broader Perspective knowing that Christianity is full of distortions. Distortions that literally kill people.
So, this confounding confusion between his knowing and his fear had him bury deeper and deeper his authentic self. That’s why he ended up marrying a cisgender woman. That’s why that marriage fell apart. It’s also why, for many years, David was profoundly unhappy. Unhappy with himself. Unhappy with his job and unhappy with relationships, or, rather, the lack of them.
All this time, his authentic self eked out. He cross-dressed in private. He enjoyed “toy parties” wherein he engaged in highly-pleasurable solo ass-play. Right on the heels of that wholesome enjoyment, however, always rose the ugly heads of guilt and shame. Guilt and shame born from bogus Christian beliefs.
The Universe gives us what we’re ready for
When David came to The Transamorous Network for relief four years ago, he was profoundly troubled. So much of his life was unsatisfying. But he knew by then he couldn’t deny his trans-attraction. So he “leaned in” to it through the practice we offer.
It took four full years before David was willing to fully let go of what held him back: adherence Christian dogma. It can be hard letting go of that. Especially when, like David, you’re surrounded by people who amplify those beliefs. But last year, a dam broke in David’s consciousness. Through that break came the flood of his authenticity.
It seems like it happened over night. In two or three weeks, he went from being hesitant, to being fully committed to his authentic self. In this time he “came out” to his mom, to close friends and coworkers. He shared photos on his dating profile of him wearing women’s clothes. And he accompanied those photos with a self description acknowledging who he really is. What’s more, it also included what he really wanted, in all its glory.
“Since the universe will give me everything I want,” David said in one session. “I might as well put it out there.”
I whole heartedly agreed.
The Universe constantly gives us what we’re ready for. Not what we want. If we’re not ready for what we want, if we’re resisting it, or are afraid of it, the Universe will give us “manifestations” reflecting that resistance and fear back to us. That’s what’s happening when trans women keep meeting chasers, or violence. It’s hard to accept, but everyone creates their reality and everything in it. No exceptions.
David was realizing this. That’s why, in letting go, he found freedom and fun.
Prefect reflections
Almost immediately after embracing his authenticity — remember, this took a long time, a duration that culminated in a peak release spanning two or three weeks — David connected with three really choice trans women. They all were perfect matches, of course. The people you meet always are. So it didn’t surprise David that two of them showed him beliefs he needed to adjust. Still, those two women were pretty choice women. But the third…OMG!
The third, who I’ll call Shonda, met many of David’s criteria. She also had things about her he didn’t necessarily enjoy. For example, she’s in the middle of a significant career change since COVID disrupted what she was doing before. As such, she’s emanating energy that she’d like a partner who can provide a financial foundation for her. David has that kind of financial stability.
But he also has struggled with people asking him for money…and he giving it to them…particularly, his family members, all of whom aren’t as financially secure as he is and rely on him to bail them out when they get into financial trouble. David helps them willingly. He feels he should. They’re family after all.
But he also hates that they come to him as their first option and that they come so frequently. He says they act entitled to his money. And they don’t seem willing to do anything to change circumstances keeping them coming with their hands out.
Many relationships aren’t meant to last
Everyone we meet is a perfect match to what we’re putting out. This can be fun and adventurous to know. But when we don’t know this, meeting people, especially potential partners, can be very frustrating.
Shonda and her financial/career situation reflected back to David the exact beliefs he has about money. In that reflection, she offers him a chance to clean up those beliefs, and in so doing, if he wants, meet someone better financially situated.
This shows why every encounter with another is a stepping stone to something better. People we meet aren’t necessarily The One. They are the one we’re supposed to meet at that time. Not because they’re The One, but because they show us something we want to know about ourselves.
This is why I don’t encourage people immediately jump into relationships with the first person they attract, or even the second, third, fourth or fifth. It’s much better to use those encounters for fine tuning. Don’t do that and in a short time you’ll see why such people make lousy lovers: they weren’t meant to be your lover.
No wonder so many relationships don’t last. They’re not meant to.
The great thing with David is, he’s clear about all this now.
Missing out on a lot of fun
Because he’s clear, he sees a lot of ways Shonda serves him by reflecting back to him beliefs working against his relationship happiness. I won’t go into all of them, but suffice it to say, David is getting it.
Which is why instead of feeling “head over heels” for his relationship success, the word he kept using was “sober”. He’s “sober” about what he’s attracted. He’s aware what’s happening in this relationship and isn’t allowing superficial things – such as how pretty Shonda is – to cloud his clarity.
Clarity is such a good thing.
If more people can find what David has, relationship journeys could be far more fun than they are. But nearly everyone is so fixated on getting that partner they want, they’re suffering the whole way. Then they’re settling for something they don’t want. Or they compromise and get love, while being wistful for what they gave up…because they didn’t believe it was possible.
One of my mentors puts it plain:
When we’re not having fun, we miss out on a lot. When we think we can’t have what we want, we miss out on that too. David found a different approach. And because of that, he’s enjoying a different experience.
It’s hard to find a better frequency
There’s so much fun out in the world. Many people have been trained though to focus only on what’s “going wrong”. That’s no fun. And, that focus will only attract more of that into one’s life experience.
The opposite is true too. If a person focuses only on good things happening, that focus will attract more of that into life experience. Before long, nothing but good is happening. How can you not find happiness with a life like that?
That’s what I’ve found; so much good stuff happening and my life filled with happiness. My clients are finding it too. These days, more cisgender people are becoming clients. The vast majority of my clients are now cisgender.
I think that’s because the trans community generally wallows so strongly in negative beliefs they can’t find the frequency of what I offer. That’s ok. We’re all eternal. Living one life in chronic negative focus is insignificant compared to eternal existence that has a basis in joy.
But if you’re wanting something different than the struggles trans-attracted men and trans women so often experience, I suggest you contact me, before all my available slots fill up.
TLDR: The author reviews the Netflix Limited Series Baby Reindeer with a focus on the transgender character Teri. They argue Teri represents the ideal trans partner in many ways. Then they encourage trans-attracted men to become matches to their ideal trans partners rather than trying to make a relationship happen as a way of getting all they want in love.
I’m very near the end of gushing about Netflix’s Baby Reindeer. Just two more things need mentioning about this wonderful show. It’s wonderful because, as mentioned in the last post, Baby Reindeer reveals underlying causes keeping nearly all trans-attracted men in the shadows.
Primary among those causes is self loathing. Self loathing is as common among transgender women as it is among trans-attracted men. Which is one dimension across which both groups represent perfect matches.
But that’s another story; one I’ve shared many times. In this story, I want to focus on Teri, the transgender character played by Nava Mau. I’m going to crush a little on the actress too. So bear with me.
Alright, here we go.
Trans women and the power they possess
Speaking of crushing, this blog asserts over and over that trans women possess a unique power. Especially when they embrace all that they are. I’ve seen trans-attracted men literally transformed for the better because of that power. This power also partly explains why trans-attracted men who enjoy the pleasure of actually dating a trans woman finds himself so smitten to the core.
Teri, whom Donny, Baby Reindeer’s main character, meets on a dating website, is exactly the kind of trans woman I’m writing about. She’s self assured, measured and clear-headed. It helps, of course that she’s a therapist. Which also tells us she’s got some baggage herself. Therapists become therapists for a reason. And really good therapists are really good for that same reason.
Anyway, Teri’s at first open minded. She’s eager to get to know Donny, even though he’s presenting a totally bogus version of himself. That’s because he’s deeply shameful of his attraction. Which is interesting because Nava Mau is gorgeous in the extreme. And, to me, totally passable.
That doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. For a trans-attracted man dealing with his shame, however, it would seem Teri is a great match because she looks convincingly like a cis woman. Still, Donny tries Teri’s patience. She sees right through his lies, but goes along anyway. I presume she’s hoping to meet the real Donny eventually.
Nava Mau (Instagram)
Trans women: helping the men helps you
Which brings me back to the power of trans women. Listen ladies, if you want to be with a man, many such men exist who will love you out loud exactly as you are. But many more need some training. If you’re willing to, helping a guy get through his shame can create a lasting, deep love.
It also, however, can lead to disastrous outcomes. Which is why I advocate a particular approach to relationships. One that first starts with the relationship with yourself. Get that stable and it’s really easy to create any kind of relationship you want. Including with a guy. But if your relationship with yourself is wobbly, you can’t access that power, that focus that literally can turn a man into a prime relationship candidate.
There’s no reason a trans woman who wants to be with a man can’t be with one. But disempowering beliefs will put the kibosh on that goal every time. Those who tell positive stories – about themselves, about their man and their relationship – can literally create the ideal relationship from one that seems deeply flawed.
After all, we all meet our matches in the moment we meet them. That means every relationship we get into is a match. We might not like what that relationship contains, but isn’t it true that in every failed relationship we are the common denominator? That means we and we alone can change the relationship, because we are the focus of it.
And if that’s available to us, why keep running through guys? Why not instead choose a guy and walk with him through his struggles? Maybe he’ll do the same for you.
Bring on an ass kicking
This is what Teri tries to do. And for a while it works. But then Donny does something so freaking disgusting, even I was shocked when it happened. I won’t ruin the show with a spoiler. I’ll just say for Teri, it was the final straw. Later in the series we see her again, dating another guy.
Nava Mau surprised me as an actress. I was confused when she first appeared because my radar pinged her as trans, but she passed so completely. Her acting, however, really won me over. It was so passionate, so spirited. So raw. I wonder if she drew on her own experiences dating men. Looking at her Instagram profile, she may be into women. If that’s the case, she’s an even better actress.
I particularly enjoyed that the show portrayed her as a professional, with her own home and her own life. What also surprised me though was when she and Donny’s stalker squared off in one espisode, I expected Teri to beat the living daylights out of that girl.
That wouldn’t have been consistent with the plot though. So I can see why her character didn’t give that crazy stalker an ass kicking. Still, many of the trans women I’ve met not only are smart and capable, they’re more than willing to bring an ass kicking to the table if necessary. Which is another thing I admire about certain trans women: they’re tough. They have to be given what many go through.
It’s just too bad so many let what they go through also shape their expectations, especially in the dating realm. Which is why I started this blog.
Meeting our match isn’t coincidence
Now let’s be clear. Plenty of trans women like Teri exist in the world. Read that again men. If you’re not meeting them, it’s because you’re not a match to them. They have things going on. While you may find them on online dating sites, I don’t think they’re at bars. So finding them means letting go of preconceived notions about how to date. It also means letting go of the idea that you know where to find her.
Meeting such women usually means such connections happening by “chance”. People like that term “chance”. “Coincidence” is another word they love. From The Transamorous Network’s perspective, however, chance and coincidence aren’t real. What’s really happening when a trans woman suddenly appears on our path is in that moment we’ve allowed our desire for relationship dominate expectations that such a relationship isn’t possible.
In other words, the Universe is showing us that what we think is impossible is, in fact, possible. Which explains why usually, when such meetings happen, the girl is with someone already. It’s not that she’s meant for us, she’s meant to show us what’s available; when we let go of stories keeping what’s available on the horizon.
I say if you want a transgender partner, the best approach is letting it happen naturally, not trying to make it happen. Trying to make it happen brings us matches matching ALL we are – warts and all. Better to let it happen in divine timing, a timing that also allows us to become better matches.
So that when our match does show up, the match has more of what we want than what we don’t.
