Many trans-attracted men and transgender women have a hard time with this because it sounds so unbelievably “absurd”. And yet, there’s ample evidence supporting the notion. The notion that the fastest way to a better life, whether it’s finding a partner, having family accept us or finding more freedom in society, comes from first accepting how life is now.
Now, some transgender women who come to this story will push hard against this. Their experience seemingly shows them the best way to change a life situation is to push against it, resist it, protest about it.
But one of life’s many paradoxes is, it is the accepting of what is that makes change happen faster. And, in every case where change happens, that’s what makes it happen. Even when it looks like that’s not happening.
An old client of mine found this to be the case. After a l-o-n-g period of her family disowning her, she recently IM’d me with delightful news:
Make peace release resistance
Persistent negative experiences, especially involving other people, remain persistent because we focus on trying to change the experience. But the problem with changing the experience involves why we want to do that. Typically, humans want change because they don’t like what they have. Trans-attracted men feel shame about their trans-attraction, for example. They don’t want to feel that awful emotion. So they try changing what they are.
But if they make peace with their trans-attraction, “shame” gets replaced with “being ok with what is.” That making peace eliminates one’s focus on the unwanted experience. Eventually “being ok” allows the person to explore their bogus stories about trans-attraction. Stories like “I must be gay” or, “my family will disown me”, under dispassionate scrutiny can then turn into more empowering stories.
In the absence of resistance, change will show up. Especially when the person focuses on what they want, while being ok with what they have.
That’s part of the practice I share with my clients. As simple as it seems, it has powerful, enduring force. Force born of what creates and maintains the Universe.
The same goes with transgender women. If we want love from men, love that looks like what we want, we must stop looking at experiences that don’t match that. We also need to stop complaining about those experiences. Complaining is focus. Negative focus. Negative focus amplifies that which we complain about. Since the Universe gives us what we focus on, not what we want, the Universe in this situation will give us more to complain about.
But when we come to peace with experiences we’re having and revel in the reality that we’re creating those experiences, we embrace our power. And there, future experiences MUST look different. Especially if we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t.
We must stop complaining. Focus on what we want instead. Appreciate, or at the very least, accept what we have. For the change we want can’t happen so long as we resist what we have.
But in the acceptance, we come into eventual new futures. Futures aligned with everything we want. It’s the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.
And whether it’s the birds or the bees or humans or trees….It’s love season! Let’s get you some!
For a limited time and for limited peeps, we’re offering a 50 percent discount on our 1:1 Matchmaking services. Trans-Attracted men can get our exclusive, effective, guaranteed 1:1 service for $100 a month (original subscriptions: $200/mo). Transgender people get the same great services for $75 a month (normally $150/mo). That amounts to a $14/hr session rate for men and a $10/hr session rate for transgender women.
We haven’t offered a discount…ever. Five slots are open starting TODAY for each category, so, claim your spot by selecting your option below and hitting that subscribe button now.
After selecting your category and completing the subscription we’ll redirect you to our calendar where you can schedule you monthly session date and time. Then you’re set!
Holy smokes. What I saw in December blew me away. I’m only publishing this now because I schedule posts eight weeks in advance. But it’s no less amazing. It’s a testament to the unfolding perfection of All That Is and how All That Is supports transgender people. Even when it looks like it doesn’t.
A long-time cisgender friend prompted this post. He’s a strong progressive cause ally, including supporting the transgender community. We’re kindred that way. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to get his text. But I was surprised by what he shared.
He shared a link to a video. My friend does this infrequently, but frequently enough that I don’t click on links he sends me right away. But with this one, I did. Because the thumbnail compelled me.
The video promotes a whiskey product. It’s one of the best cause marketing commercials I’ve seen. And I should know about cause marketing because in a previous incarnation, I worked in PR and Corporate Social Responsibility. Take a look:
A beautiful story beautifully told
The commercial begins with an elderly couple. While the husband sits in a chair, the wife wanders about the house on the phone. Unbeknownst to the wife, the husband has a predisposition for women’s make up. He goes into the bathroom, locks the door and tries practicing with lipstick…but his results frustrates him.
Several scenes indicate the man’s depth of interest. It’s almost as if the guy questions his interest in such a thing. Nonetheless, he ends up getting pretty good at applying makeup to his own face.
But then, during the holiday season, the extended family shows up for familial celebrations. Among the family members is 26-year-old “Alvaro”. Who we now understand as Alvaro’s grandfather, looks at his grandson and has a hunch. He invites the young person into the bathroom wherein the two have an intensely personal, intimate moment.
The two exit the bathroom and, to everyone’s astonishment, Alvaro is now “Ana”. The entire family is in tears and Ana is heartily welcomed.
The rest is amazing commercial history.
“Transgender”: Here to stay
Thirty-plus years ago when rap music wasn’t what it is today, the famous Quincy Jones produced a song called “Back on the Block”. Among samples he used in his production was a statement by Rev. Jessie Jackson. Towards the end of the song, which is a medley of various rap genre’s, Jackson is sampled saying:
“Now I would – I would contend that ah – The rappers – rap is here to stay”
Thirty years later, rap is still going strong. Jackson was right.
In the same way, we are seeing something similar with transgender people. So many successful transgender people now exist. Not only are they in entertainment, they also are in politics and business and mental health. They’re authors, speakers, teachers. They’re everywhere.
And more are coming in to the world all the time.
It makes being a transgender person in the world much easier. More than ever, transgender people can find support in abundance. The fact that a major liquor brand is on board with transgender people is astonishing. Especially so as the ad J&B produced is in Spanish. The language of a culture that, in some places around the world still considers being gay a crime. And being trans something worse.
The world is so much better for transgender people. I only hope that more transgender people discover what my transgender clients discover. That is that the only thing keeping a transgender person these days from discovering and then living a joyful life are the stories such a person tells, which creates something different from the life they want.
The world is increasingly on the side of transgender people. Of course, it’s always been that way. But today it’s more so than ever. What a great time to be alive Transgender or Trans-attacted!
If you’re life isn’t going great and you want it to, I can help.
If you are experiencing life-threatening circumstances and don’t want to die, you should seek professional advice.
Depression can easily overtake transgender and trans-attracted people. When someone wants something really bad – like a body reflecting who they know themselves to be, or a lover they believe doesn’t exist – the negative stories that person tells about their desire can drive the person into helplessness.
In helplessness – feeling no ability to get what one wants – hopelessness isn’t far behind. Hopelessness is different from helplessness. Helplessness is about feeling no ability to help one’s self. Hopelessness, on the other hand, is a sense that NO ONE can help the person achieve the desire.
Depression can follow long bouts with these two states. Depression, as many know, is an inward-directed, unexpressed anger. As we all also know, depression can debilitate. It’s so powerful, and so many suffer from its conditions, society spends billions on therapeutic interventions to help those chronically “stuck” in such states.
But helplessness, hopelessness and depression are all positive emotional states. This post explains specifically how depression is beneficial. But it can be read as an extension to apply to all emotions, including helplessness and hopelessness.
What is depression?
Many think they understand depression. Especially depressed people. But if they really understood what depression is, they wouldn’t find themselves stuck in it. So let’s look at what depression really is.
Depression is a signal the depressed person is sending themselves. Most people don’t understand this, so instead of listening to the signal and doing something about it, they instead “cover up the signal.”
Let’s say you’re coming up to a railroad crossing. A train is coming. The lights on your side of the tracks are flashing red.
Would you ignore the signal and cross the track? Of course not. You’d get killed.
Depression is like the flashing light. It is telling the depressed person something. The depressed person should stop and take action based on what the signal is saying.
But most depressed people receive the signal and don’t know what it’s saying. So they keep doing what they’re doing instead of doing what the signal is telling them to do (in this case, changing the stories the person is telling. More on that in a bit).
What depression tells people
Most depressed people will disagree with this, but it doesn’t make it less accurate: Depression is not that serious. It’s just a really strong signal.
It just so happens that, as signals go, it’s one of the most intense. Usually, a person who experiences depression was oblivious to earlier, less intense signals received on the way to “depression”.
In other words, they didn’t listen to the less-intense signals, so now they’re getting one of the most intense.
Had they heeded the less intense ones, they wouldn’t have ended up depressed. And, it would have been easier to do something about the signal.
So what is this signal telling the depressed person? It’s telling them they have beliefs and thoughts that are at odds with the “what-is-ness” of life. That’s all it is.
The dominant state of All That Is is positive expansion, eagerness, enthusiasm, joy, ecstasy, etc. It knows everything is always working out towards positive expansion, fulfillment, expression, awareness, etc. This is not theoretical or just “spiritual”. It is the actual state of things.
Beauty, positivity and joy available everywhere
Humans create their reality. They can create any reality they want. When they are creating reality consistent with what they are as physical embodiments of All That Is, they resonate or feel in tune with All That Is.
How does that feel? It feels positive, expansionary, eager, enthusiastic, joyful, ecstatic, fulfilled, etc.
But when a person creates a reality inconsistent with all the above, they feel consistent with that creation. Anger, frustration, annoyance….all the way down to depression.
Feelings are important. Many people don’t understand their function as signals. They help a person know what they are creating.
So a person who feels depressed has chronically created a reality inconsistent with what they are. Reality creation occurs first in vibration, then in thought form, then in a received thought before the creation becomes physical reality. In each of those stages, an emotion/feeling is received by the person doing the creating. This helps the person catch their creation early on, before it springs into physical reality.
In short, at The Transamorous Network, we refer to this reality-creation process as “telling stories”.
Feelings help keep us on track
If a person keeps telling stories, and thus, creating reality along lines inconsistent with All That Is, eventually they will get harsher or more and more intense signals…until they get the message. Depression, then, is not anything mysterious or serious. It is only a signal a person is receiving.
This example may be illustrative.
Let’s say as a child, a young woman, was sexually abused by her father. The first time it happened, the child may have felt out of sorts. By the fifth or so time it happened, her internal awareness that something is not right is already in high gear.
Now, she has an opportunity to act. She knows what to do, even though she’s a little girl. But she doesn’t because she’s unclear.
That’s the first, and lightest, signal: lack of clarity or confusion.
Now, let’s say the father threatens her. Let’s say he says “you tell your mom and I’m going to kill you.” Or something less extreme: “honey, keep this a secret between you and me. Don’t tell your mom.”
The young girl knows intuitively she should say something. But now she’s confused because her dad is telling her to keep this secret.
Uncertainty momentum creates more momentum
So the situation continues. She starts feeling more uncertainty. That’s a signal.
Note that this little girl’s mood will change. She’ll gradually lose the joy, freedom, happiness and enthusiasm for life. These emotions go away because her thoughts or stories are turning to beliefs – “conclusions about her world” and about what she has experienced:
“this should not be happening”
“I don’t understand”
“I don’t want this to happen any more”
“I feel out of control”
“I feel like this is wrong”
Eventually, this clarity will turn on itself and she will begin thinking different thoughts or telling different stories:
“I’m angry at my dad”
“I hate my dad”
Then she will turn her thoughts/stories on herself:
“This is my fault”
“I must have done something to deserve this”
“I’m a bad person for letting this happen”
The positive, constructive anger expressed at her dad is now turned inward on herself. Action she could have taken to express her anger, or even earlier, her lack of understanding (which is a very light signal), now is not available.
Self blame turns to discouragement about life. Discouragement turns to anger (at herself), anger turns to rage (at herself and her dad and perhaps her mom for not noticing and stopping him) which extends to life in general. Rage at life in general turns to insecurity/guilt/unworthiness.
Less intense signals ignored become more intense signals
Now, in this “vibration” where signals being received are insecurity/guilt/unworthiness, the young woman, who may be in high school by now, is long into creating a reality matching these signals. The momentum of that reality is so strong by now, it’s pretty much running the show.
As a result, this young woman may experience increasingly “negative” life experiences. But these are just signals too. She may start doing poorly in school. Or she might show behavior problems. Maybe she puts on a lot of weight, eating too much. Or she starves herself becoming paper thin. She may start taking drugs. She may dress a particular way, or hang out with people who resonate with this reality she creates.
These life experiences, which she is creating, also generate a feedback loop. The more she remains in this state and does not do anything about the signals, the more of these kinds of experiences she will have.
By now she might even create situations where she is further sexually abused. She may be raped. She may turn to prostitution. Or she may develop other signals we call “illnesses” such as Fibromyalgia, PTSD, “anxiety disorder” or other “traumas”. All of these are signals, not to others, to herself. Spiritually, emotions are the earliest signals. If ignored, the next level activates: life experiences show up as “louder” signals.
Vicious circle born of ignorance
If she tries to treat the signals, masking them by taking drugs or drinking, that’s like trying to turn off the lights at the railroad crossing. She doesn’t get to the foundation of all her life troubles: underlying thoughts and beliefs the signals are pointing to.
If she is oblivious to the connection between her signals and her experiences, she will think the experiences are independent of her and the signals. She’ll compound her problematic beliefs, thinking:
“Men are scum”
“The world is scary”
And create more thoughts consistent with her experience:
“I’m a loser”
“These are the only friends I can get”
“Sex is my only value”
“I’ll disappear by eating”
At any time in this process the young woman can turn all this around. But it’s easier to do it in the early stages than it is after reality begins matching the signals.
By the time one reaches the depression signal, turning things around takes longer.
Reversal: omnipresent and available
BTW, all this is subtle. This is why counseling can help because it uncovers many of the original beliefs and experiences that generated the early stage signals. But a person doesn’t need counseling. They can turn this around themselves by focusing on how they’re thinking and change that while paying attention to the signals they’re getting – their feelings and their physical life experiences.
So depression acts as an indicator, helping the creator get back on track when they veer off course. People get stuck in depression (or other negative emotion) when they don’t understand what purpose emotions serve.
The good news is changing course gets really easy with a little practice. And when a person changes their stories about life experience, life experience becomes the Charmed Life I write about. A text from a client who once was on the verge of suicide shows this:
The interesting thing is, the intensity of negative emotion indicates the equal opposite intensity of desire. In other words, those most depressed possess the potential for some of the greatest joys. Their depression indicates HUGE opportunity. If only they turn their stories around.
“Depression”, the signal, can produce great good. For when a person knows what’s shared here and takes action based on it, great good will follow. That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.
The best way to a life where everything someone wants happens easily – including lasting love – involves that person realizing they are eternal. Transgender and trans-attracted people especially benefit from this realization. That’s because those two groups come into the world expressing extra-special connections to their eternal natures.
So when I received a question from The Transamorous Network’s sister website, I thought I’d share my response here too.
The question actually came in three parts:
How do you know a person never dies? Is the soul really eternal? How can you prove this?
It’s so funny so few take the question seriously, including transgender and trans-attracted people. Most think fulfilling their desires, dreams, wishes, involves working hard, struggling and sacrifice. But if one seriously dives into these questions, getting what one wants can happen so easily and so quickly, life becomes the joyful experience it’s meant to be.
That’s because if a person fears death, or what happens after death, life gets colored by that fear. That fear generates much anxiety. And anxiety prevents a life where everything comes easily. Pretty everyone fears death. So much so investigating such questions never arise. Or, if they do, it happens at the very end of life.
Often, that’s too late to do any good.
But answering these questions goes a long way towards seeing life as it is instead of through distortions and fears born of bogus stories. While seeking answers will reveal answers, such answers doesn’t exist in “objective” form. That’s because life (even “after-life”) is 100 percent subjective. So proof reveals itself only in life’s subjectivity.
Which is why at The Transamorous Network, we advise clients cultivate consistent positive stories about life, about themselves and about what they want. That way, their subjective life experience reflects those positive stories.
So realizing you’re eternal involves self-exploration. And when you take that adventure, evidence you find will come through intimate, personal experience. Being subjective, such evidence won’t convince others. Therefore, having someone show you evidence won’t work. You must show it to yourself.
First, some important context
The evidence will literally set you free. I’ll describe how to get the evidence. But you must take the adventure and create the proof you want to see. Do this and you’ll find yourself convinced. It takes patience and practice, but the process works 100 percent of the time.
Before I share the process, let’s look as some context.
Physical life experience – particularly the external-seeming, objective aspects – are projections of the soul’s inner experience onto itself. So the person experiencing physical life experiences an experience of self projected into the awareness of itself. That projection looks and feels as an apparent separate, “objective” reality.
Why does it appear that way?
So the experiencer can experience “more” of itself. It also fulfills “intentions” central to who and what “self” wants to become. Seeing proof of an eternal soul therefore first requires knowing what you just read. That information gives context to proof you’ll find. The proof, in other words, will look like life experiences. Those experiences will accumulate thus “proving” convincing.
You also need lots of patience. Proof rarely comes in a flash. And when it does, it is often missed or it’s bewildering or incomprehensible. Like a barely remembered dream in the morning, if you don’t know how to recall it, or replicate it, you can’t hold onto it.
But with patience, the gradual, unhurried nature of All That Is will reveal everything you’re wanting to know.
Making proof visible instead of invisible
Next tip: you’re surrounded by evidence that you’re eternal. You just can’t see it. Seeing proof requires orienting perception so you can perceive it. The absence of evidence is what you see when you think you’re mortal. Which is why people think death is real.
“Orienting” your perception doesn’t mean “doing something” in physical reality. Instead, it means “allowing yourself to realize” what you want to know. “Doing something” and “allowing yourself to realize” represent two distinct things.
One way “seekers” complicate matters happens when they think or believe in ways making seeing proof difficult if not impossible. The word “soul” for example, generates belief constellations that work against “allowing yourself to realize”. I wrote about this before, here.
Beliefs are communicable too, just like some diseases. They get passed on through language primarily. You’ll notice you talk to yourself almost constantly. Much of that internal dialogue confirms and reconfirms beliefs, many of which work against seeing answers sought. So the next step involves realizing how language and beliefs muddle perception, then cleaning up language and belief.
Practical example time 😊
For example, look at the following two statements:
I want to see evidence that the soul never dies
I want to be the realizer of my eternal nature
Notice the action-oriented nature inherent in statement one. It also presumes no visible evidence. The speaker wants to see what they don’t see.
This statement affirms evidence’s absence instead of affirming evidence’s abundance. The perceiver wants to see something she currently does not, the “does not” component gets emphasized above all else. It creates “disbelief”.
Notice statement two is passive. The speaker speaks to evidence showing itself to her. Further, her statement expresses desire to become something, not see something. It also assumes the existence of what she wants to realize. She understands her eternal nature is a thing and she expresses her desires around experiencing that.
These subtle distinctions make all the difference.
The word “proof” is problematic as well. “Proof” is adversarial. It says “show me because I don’t believe it.” Wanting proof affirms your doubt. It also offers confrontation. “PROVE IT” is the energy of the word “proof”.
See the subtlety?
Let’s put this all together
Ok, so now you have a sense of four important premises:
Evidence you want will occur as 100 percent subjective. It will only convince you. No one else.
Desired evidence surrounds you. Wanting to create or discover evidence distracts you from experiencing it. You’re wanting to realize the already-existing evidence. Or better said: you’re wanting to realize your eternal nature, which already exists.
How you frame your request will either support your intent or defeat it.
Your beliefs will hinder or help you become the realizer of the answer to your question.
So now, the process is simple: you simply ask for the answer in a way that supports getting the answer…then hold to knowing the answer shows itself.
What happens next: you’ll experience events confirming your intent. Things start happening showing that you’re eternal. But you must keep the four points in mind. Also, you must constantly question thoughts and reactions which will stop the evidence dead in its tracks. Or they’ll cause you to miss the evidence.
The evidence becomes evident
For example, one day at a bus stop or someplace familiar, someone you know may join you. You’ll strike up a conversation and this person may say something – mention a newspaper or magazine article, a website, a book, or TV show – that will cause within you an “a-ha!” moment. What they say will sound perfectly timed and related to your intent. Perhaps they will mention the show God Friended Me, for example, or the Netflix show, The Good Place, both having themes in eternal life. And then one of many different things might happen:
You will totally miss the relevance between the shows (and their premises) and your request. Here Universe and All That Is gave you a clue. But your beliefs will block the connection. So you’ll say something like “huh, interesting” and let the moment pass.
Or, maybe you’ll think “hmm, I just read a blog about seeing my eternal nature and here is someone telling me about a TV show about god and the afterlife.” And your mind then might go: “this is a coincidence” and you’ll miss the relevance.
OR….You may feel goose pimples or a shiver down your spine and think “This is no coincidence. This is evidence showing itself….” Then you’ll get excited….You might go home later and watch either show, enjoy the premise offered and then, be inspired to casually research online the word “serendipity”….
Do something like number three and you’re on your way.
Seeing overwhelming evidence
The seeming chance bus stop encounter began the realization. But if you aren’t alert, you’ll miss it. That’s how subtle Universe works. Your job remains maintaining alertness and expectation.
Keep this up and you’ll experience all kinds of evidence. They literally surround you:
Someone may start talking about eternity or life extension at a function you attend
A dream might happen where you experience events implying an eternal being
More events will happen confirming real what science calls “pseudoscience”
You may be invited to an Ayahuasca event or a meditation session.
And then, at some point, you’ll notice old beliefs gradually shifting. You’ll move through life differently. Your changed beliefs and lifestyle reveal more serendipitous opportunities making disbelief harder:
Dreams will become more and more lucid and engaging
You’ll start to want to know what your dreams are about
You’ll start playing with this whole idea that “you create your reality” and you’ll start getting evidence of that showing up all over your life
Then, really amazing things will start happening. Things that, in the past, you would have said “that’s coincidence” or “that’s impossible” or “random” or “confirmation bias” or some other nonsense. Only now you won’t say those things because they happen so often there’s too much of them proving they’re real.
By then you’re on your way.
The rest of the path is up to your realization. Keep it up and you will eventually realize what every sincere person realizes: life and everything in it, including you, is eternal and death is not the end. It’s only the beginning of more life.