How to keep your heart from breaking

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

What is a broken heart? A broken heart is a mindset.

Society romanticizes broken hearts. Movies get made. Songs get sung. Getting hurt happens, right?

Not necessarily.

No one need ever experience a broken heart. Put your heart in the right place. It will never break again.

My recent relationship taught me that. 😂👍🏾❤️

· · ·

Lauren and I got acquainted when she contacted me online.

Mutual affection grew fast, as we had a lot in common. She’s trans. I’m Transamorous. We both shared art, love of music, philosophy, food and more.

But as intimacy grew, she got more nervous. The closer we got, the more uncomfortable she got.

I relish love. I relish love because I am love. Connected to my Inner Being, expressing unconditional love flows like breathing. So, naturally, I shared spontaneous appreciation for Lauren. I appreciated Lauren’s existence, her talent, and her strengths, especially strengths she developed as she’s accepted being trans.

For a while she appreciated all that.

Then it got too much for her.

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Relationships are nice-to-haves

I know if I’m patient, the Universe will show me everything I want. It will also show me reasons why I may not want what I have.

As my Broader Perspective connection strengthens, I desire human affection less. Connection to Broader Perspective showers me with an incredible, unconditional love. A love so deep and satisfying, relationships with other people get put in their proper place: as nice-to-haves, not as must haves.

There’s no forlornness when I’m not in a relationship because my Inner Being relationship dominates. It (my Inner Being) always floods me, its love so strong and overflowing and present, I never feel alone. I feel loved.

So I never feel yearning or that I’m missing out on love. My Broader Perspective’s unconditional love is enough. As it pores through me, I become that. Pure love.

So why seek relationships with people when I become that which people crave from relationships?

Good question.

Thoughts make reality

My perspectives on human relationships changed since discovering my Inner Being. I yearned for them before. I felt incomplete without one. But yearning creates problems. In yearning I sow seeds of loss. Here’s how that works

When I yearn for something, then get it, I fear I’m going to lose that for which I’ve yearned. Holding tight to what I’ve got for fear of losing it guarantees I will lose it. Holding something tight like that emphasizes its loss. Reality springs from thoughts.

Tightness in my body born of fear is reality. Physical sensations are real, right? So my thoughts about losing someone creates an incipient reality: a feeling. In this case “tightness”.

In that reality, my behavior reflects my fear. I say things consistent with fear. I interpret what I see from fear. I may even start checking out relationship options. I hedge my bets.

Meanwhile my partner knows what’s up. They may not know it in their awareness, yet they still know. That’s why a partner might check your phone or email. A hunch will push through into their awareness. There are no secrets. We’re all one.

Unchecked, my fear creates even more real, realities. This is called momentum. My partner may find my bet hedging, then get insecure. Before long tension grows. Fights happen. Mistrust grows. They might start bet-hedging. Then the breakup comes.

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Reality springs from Inner Reality. It starts with thoughts, which draw themselves to perceivers “tuned in” to those thought frequencies. The rest happens automatically so long as perceivers stay tuned in. So reality perpetuates, thus creating eternity.

Thoughts come from somewhere

Inner reality is real. Where do you think thoughts come from? Thought is a physical reality.

Thoughts drive perception. Perception is reality too. Perception then drives behaviors. Behaviors are reality. Behaviors influence others and their behavior. Others cooperate with me helping create my reality. They act consistent with my thoughts.

So behaviors always match Inner Reality. Since reality springs from behavior, and behavior springs from perception, and perception springs from thoughts and thoughts come from Inner Reality, then my Inner Reality must become one’s physical reality starting with my thoughts.

That’s how it works.

I know how to create realities I want. My emotions guide me. The better I feel, the more I know my becoming reality includes my fulfilled desires. That’s because positive thoughts must become positive realities.

Strong connection with my Inner Being short circuits yearning, fear and insecurity, replacing them with appreciation and love. My job: staying there as best I can. I don’t always. But doing that consistent enough creates realities consistent with appreciation and love.

So if a partner chooses something other than a relationship with me, I see the former relationship in its proper perspective: a nice-to-have. Not so significant that I create realities consistent with painful loss. Were I to do that, I would experience a broken heart. For a broken heart is a physical reality (an emotion) triggered by thoughts consistent with “broken heart realities”.

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Even when you’re alone, you’re not. Love literally surrounds and moves through and in and out of you. (Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)

Love happens best when alone

Human love can’t match Inner Being unconditional love. Moreover, another person can’t match all that my Inner Being gives me in its love for me. It literally gives me everything I want in wonderful, surprising ways and in perfect timing. I write about these on my other blog Positively Focused.

Human relationships always come up short compared to that. That doesn’t make human relationships bad. They are what they are.

Love doesn’t come from another person. Love happens when, while with a person, I tune into thoughts that connect me with my Inner Being. It’s my Inner Being connection that triggers love. Not being in relationship. Which means, I can feel love outside relationship.

This puts relationships in a less triggering perspective. I conjure love at will. So if a relationship ends, it’s not the end of my love, or my world. And my heart breaks no more.

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You’ll find no more broken hearts when you re-discover your relationship with you.

So when Lauren called distraught and in crisis about our relationship, I took it in stride. Despite all we had in common, despite being with someone who loved her, she focused on things she thought we didn’t share. Real things for her. Perception is reality. Her perception saw broken hearts in our future. That scared her.

  • She said long distance relationships were something she didn’t do. Yet, she was doing one.
  • She said I put too many expectations on her. I put no expectations on her. I only wanted to love her.
  • She said me telling her I loved her filled her with anxiety. A strange connection I thought, feeling anxiety when someone loves you.
  • She said our relationship would fail.

I found it strange that the more I showered her with love the less she enjoyed us. I found it strange until she told me how people in her past said they loved her, but their behavior said otherwise. She doesn’t know that thoughts create reality. She doesn’t know other people act out what you’re thinking. They do that so your thoughts are “made real” for your examination. They’re made real so you can do something about them.

For me our relationship already succeeded and had no other choice but to succeed going forward. Where she saw “red flags”, I saw adventure and opportunity.

As I said, when one gets connected to one’s Inner Being, it will show that person why they may not want what they have. In her objections, Lauren showed me why Lauren may not be something I want. She wasn’t consistent with my “love vibration”. So she took herself out of my reality, leaving me free to love and be loved.

For me, relationship success looks like a relationship through which two parties are better off because of it. That means two find greater harmony with their Inner Beings by experiencing life with one another.

That’s what happened for me. And so where is the case for failure, or a broken heart?

It’s easy to never have a broken heart again. It starts with prioritizing the one relationship that will never end, the one relationship through which I get everything I want, no matter what that is, and then some. That’s the relationship between me and me.

Standing there, I never lose love. Or anything else. It’s all gain. And my heart remains whole.

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