It’s easy finding our match when we understand that our stories determine who we’re meeting. This applies whether we’re transgender or trans-attracted.
But in this post, let’s look specifically at trans-attracted men looking for a transgender partner. What I’m sharing today applies equally to transgender women looking for a partner. In short, stories create reality. And when our stories contradict what we want, we can’t get what we want, no matter how hard we try. Not until we do something about the stories we’re telling.
For example, many trans-attracted men look for transgender women who will top them. This is an extremely triggering thing for many transgender women. But not all of them.
The reason some transgender women get triggered so strongly when guys express this legitimate desire, makes sense when we understand it. Some (not all) transgender women tell extremely disempowering stories about the penis that came with their male body. Such stories create equally extreme negative emotions. The psychological community calls these negative emotions “dysphoria”.
But all that’s happening is the woman is confronting all the stories in her head about her body AND what she knows herself to be. She’s focusing on what she doesn’t want (the penis) instead of what she wants. Doing so, she amplifies the negative experience. So uncomfortable the amplification can get, that she literally might want to cut her penis off. Or commit suicide. Or she might vomit any time she has a penis-stimulated orgasm. Like this transgender woman explains:
Self-loathing meets itself
Meanwhile, trans-attracted guys experience similar situations. His negative stories about his attraction for transgender women causes in him equally strong negative emotions. So instead of embracing what he wants and thinking about what he wants in a positive way, he will amplify his own discomfort. Do that long enough and he, too, will consider suicide.
Yet, the guy can’t deny his attraction because it is an innate part of who he is! Just as the transgender woman can’t escape the fact that she is trans. Even if she’s 100 percent deep stealth. See where this is going?
The transgender woman focuses on her hatred of her penis. The guy equally struggles with his trans attraction. At the same time, both want a relationship. So what should we expect happens? Of course, these two people will find each other because they are perfect matches, reflecting to each other their own lack of self-acceptance combined with their matching desires. It’s not rocket science!
It’s no wonder the guy’s intense negative focus causes him to express, to the trans woman, however clumsily and even insensitively, his desire to be topped or to suck a dick. He has no consideration for how the trans woman might be feeling about her penis. He’s too preoccupied. But get this: the transgender woman equally has no compassion for what the guy is going through either. For the same reason.
Both parties are oblivious to the other person’s experience. It’s no wonder a firestorm happens when these two come together. It’s no wonder neither has compassion for the other. Still, they are a perfect match! But that match is based in extreme negativity.
How to meet that better match
Getting out of this conundrum is simple. The answer for both parties is getting out of preoccupation with negative focus/stories. Then, instead, focusing on what each party wants. Not what they don’t want. This is harder to do than to explain. But every client I work with eventually gets there.
Meanwhile, trans-attracted male bottoms, plenty of women out there LOVE their penis. For your viewing pleasure, listen to two of them talk about it themselves. Here’s the first.Here’s the second. Both are categorized on YouTube as “age restricted”. So I can’t embed them here. By the way, there are plenty of men who prefer post-op women. Men who will fuck them like they fuck cis-gender woman. There’s a match for everyone, in other words.
Everyone can enjoy anything we want. It starts with sorting out our stories, then focusing on stories supporting what we want, instead of focusing on stories about what we don’t. Do that and our lives improve dramatically. Then eventually we’ll meet our matches. No exceptions.
But if we wallow in stories about things we hate, dislike, wish weren’t true, etc., we get stuck.
A trans-attracted client echoed what many of my clients feel after learning how to tell positive stories about their lives and things they want, including relationships.
He’s been in the practice only four months. And over that time, his life transformed dramatically. No wonder he’s doubling down on telling happy stories about life, about transgender women and about his trans-attraction. He knows it’s the best way to get what he wants in love.
Furthermore, he knows the power inherent in positive stories. They literally make everything possible. Including turning around in just a couple weeks circumstances which had this client contemplating suicide. Suicidal thoughts are nothing serious. Eliminating them comes easy once someone understands then uses the power of positive stories.
That’s what this client did. In a couple weeks, he no longer even thought about killing himself. Now, he’s so clear “stories create reality”, he’s glad he made the choice of connecting with The Transamorous Network rather than going to a therapist:
He’s right on another thing. Mass shootings in the US wouldn’t happen if people understood why emotions exist and where they come from. In their ignorance of this, some get so far down emotionally, feeling powerless and insecure, the only thing they can think of is shooting up a school, church or sporting event.
Such events needn’t happen. But so long as people don’t understand what’s happening inside and around them, they will keep happening. So will the suffering. Same holds true for transgender people and their admirers and suffering they experience in love. So long as such people don’t understand emotions and the power of stories, suffering will continue in life.
Eckhart Tolle wasn’t playing when he talked about how unnecessary suffering is:
Is suffering still necessary for you?
I love how Transamorous Network clients get that suffering no longer need exist in their lives. I love then watching as they tune their lives so their lives match stories they tell about how they want their life, instead of how it is.
The more they do that, the more powerful they get. Then the more free they get. Before long life for them becomes the adventure it is. Then they get the love, the partner, the life they knew was possible.
We suffer because we know deep down that life was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to contain everything we want, flowing to us easily. But for so many, that’s not the life they live.
I want everyone living their happiest life. Therapy does work for some. But it has a terrible success rate. Telling positive stories works 100 percent of the time. Positive story telling is one of the best kept life secrets.
Although it’s not a secret. People have shared this life approach for…ever.
Everyone comes into the world with world-changing perspectives. Most of us though, fall by the wayside of fulfilling that. We compromise on our dreams and the world misses out. A young trans-attracted man’s experience offers an extreme example of what happens when we compromise, and how powerful stories are.
No one comes into the world with nothing to offer. That’s especially true for trans-attracted men and transgender women. For my newest client, what he came to offer was not only his gender paradigm-busting trans-attraction, but also a desire to entertain.
When very young, “Jeff” knew entertainment was his passion. Now at 23, he still does. But in the 23 years, Jeff talked himself into fear and dread about even thinking about being an entertainer. In that fear and dread, Jeff sees himself as a deviant, someone not only isn’t worthy of entertainment success, but romantic success too.
Jeff’s sex play with his brother was intentional, wholesome and as normal as his trans-attraction. Such experiences help clarify one’s core intentions early on. In this way, a person gets their “true north”. They discover their passions and, if followed, they will also discover all manner of successes.
Transgender people know this first hand. Many I speak with know early on they are not the gender they came into the world as. Early experimentations with women’s clothes marks for many trans-attracted men, a point where their trans-attraction journey begins. Look around. You’ll see many trans people and gender non-conforming individuals. Those who unabashedly accept who and what they are often find success, often in non-traditional ways.
We explore connections with that which we perceive is separate from us. Children explore the oneness that innately exists, but is forgotten at birth. Through imagination and play they practice with forces they know create worlds. “Oneness” is one such force. Sexual play connects children with and reminds them they are one with all that is.
But since most people – including many parents – don’t understand this, often people get the wrong ideas when children do things seemingly out of step with social and behavioral “norms”. Those people then create stories they instill in kids which knock kids off their natural trajectory.
That’s what happened to Jeff. Even though he and his brother enjoyed their play and sought it out often, Jeff still held extremely negative stories about what he did. Many he adopted from his parents, peers and his conservative surroundings. Those stories prompted others about himself. They included negative stories about his sexual preferences, about his relationship desires. He even told stories that condemned him personally.
How stories create “rejection”
All these stories led to intense self-loathing. He believed he was a deviant, a pervert, and a creep. He even believed he was a sexual predator who sexually assaulted his older brother. Even though both initiated the play on separate occasions.
All these beliefs amplified as time went on. Before long, Jeff hated himself, not only for what he had done, but also for who he was.
This is why even the idea of being an entertainer, sent terror and panic through him. After all, being in entertainment, for Jeff, literally meant exposing who and what he (believed) he was. So Jeff had a lot he wanted to keep secret. A career in entertainment put him in a panic.
Think about that. Instead of feeling exhilaration and joy when thinking about his passion, Jeff instead felt shame, exposed, dread and fear.
When he thought about having a relationship he felt even worse. No one would want to be with him, if they knew what he did, he thought. No one would want to be with him if they knew what he was. It was no wonder then, that when he tried forming relationships, girls rejected (he believed) his overtures. They refused because his stories manifested as awkwardness, discomfort and relationship clumsiness.
So when they refused his advances, they confirmed who Jeff believed he was. That sunk him deeper into a hole Jeff believed he would remain forever. Living alone and unloved.
Jeff gets better
Meanwhile, he continued his sexual trajectory solo, which had him experimenting with non-traditional sexual preferences and consuming porn. Those preferences lead him to discovering his trans-attraction. As one would imagine given his background, that attraction intensely amplified his self-loathing. For now, not only was he an unloveable sexual predator, he also was attracted to “shemales”, a word he has since stopped using.
Confused and at his wits end, it was no wonder he reached out to The Transamorous Network. His desires felt so strong, he thought they must be there for a reason. Yet he couldn’t bear the emotional pain of his decidedly, powerful, unflattering stories. He needed help and he needed it fast.
After the first session, Jeff felt immensely better. A natural to telling positive stories, Jeff immediately got results The Transamorous Network guarantees everyone gets. The first thing we talked about was how normal and wholesome being trans-attracted is. Then we talked about stories, how they create reality, and why, and how to create a life where anything one wants can be. Immediate results were dramatic:
In the second session, we uncovered his repressed desire for stage performance. But he reacted to this after the session with extreme fear and anxiety. His old stories got triggered. He felt powerless amidst them, and lost all the ground we gained in the first session.
Unworthiness blocks fulfillment
Such strong negative emotion usually indicates an extremely strong desire for the thing one thinks about. That strong desire creates whole new worlds for humanity and for the individual when pursued. So it is best for everyone involved to fulfill such desires.
But since people come into the world and almost immediately become bewildered by life’s “realness”, it’s easy to develop feelings of unworthiness. Especially around deeply fulfilling desires, such as living an authentic gender or sexual orientation preference. Or fully developing and expressing an inherent talent.
Look around and you’ll see that unworthiness taints nearly everyone, leaving many, many people giving up their dreams and never living authentically. Instead they live in compromise, in unsatisfying relationships and working for others instead of living a professional passion.
Several of Jeff’s other stories exemplified this. He believed, for example, that hardly anyone succeeds in entertainment, and so he couldn’t either. He felt certain his performances would be “too edgy” for audiences, even though he acknowledged the most successful modern day entertainers owe their massive success to “edgy” content.
Even when I explained that many people have successful careers in many ways besides the stage, his beliefs blocked his ability to see these possibilities. Instead, he said just thinking about being an entertainer was “scary”.
After soothing his resurfaced fears, we talked a little more about his trans-attraction before closing the session.
Jeff has a crisis
Between that session and the next though, Jeff sent me a text early one morning. It said he contemplated suicide, and called a suicide prevention hotline. That didn’t phase me, as I always hold the story that things always work out. I also knew this specific situation with Jeff would produce awesome opportunities, so long as Jeff could hold it together.
Right as I considered all that, my Broader Perspective suggested Jeff was “panicking” and that he’d pull through. So I held true to my knowing.
But Jeff said he considered seeing a professional therapist given his “deep trouble”. Do what he felt was best, I told him while holding (still) to the fact that all was well.
Hours later, Jeff sent another text backpedaling from the therapist route. He wanted to continue our sessions because, having calmed, he thought they were serving him. Of course, I agreed because they were serving him. Changes in Jeff were immediate after the first session. I knew he’d recover.
We then had a long conversation over text in which I clarified what happens when someone commits suicide. It’s not the big deal people make of it, I told him. I told him he’d still have the same opportunity post-suicide that he’s facing now. Nothing would be lost, I told him. Nothing or no one of any significance would judge him poorly for killing himself.
Then: a powerful inflection
Jeff felt relief from this exchange. As we together explored more empowering stories about suicide, where his emotions were coming from and why, his mood improved to the point where he said he’d cancel the therapist appointment he scheduled. He said he felt more certain sticking with The Transamorous Network. Then he sent a text that confirmed what my Broader Perspective told me:
The next two sessions were powerful inflection moments. Jeff readily took to the idea that stories create your experience. Everyone knows this deep down. But Jeff really has a talent for it, which is what got him into his initial trouble.
Some people with profound positive intent come in super clear that their stories create their reality. But like nearly everyone, for a while they too get knocked off course. Substance dependence, depression, chronic anxiety and the perceived need for “mood stabilizers” can surface if one’s trajectory isn’t recovered.
Jeff’s substance of choice was porn and weed. But what’s remarkable was what happened as he got back on track, on the trajectory he chose before finding himself in a body. In less than a couple days, Jeff found empowerment around everything we uncovered. Including what he did as a child. In fact, stories we practiced transformed both his current experiences and his past, turning his life from a terrible experience not worth living, to an extremely empowering opportunity where he can have everything he wants.
Stories create life experience
He’s not fully out of the grip of powerful momentum spawned from chronic negative story telling. But it’s evident he significantly broke the grip of what had him before (negative momentum born of extremely negative stories).
It’s a couple weeks since writing this post. Here’s the latest exchange we shared.
He still can’t talk about performances without triggering disempowering stories. But he is seeing remarkable relief from his chronic porn consumption. All in just two weeks and a few sessions. He’s also near-completely accepted his trans-attraction as a good thing.
Jeff’s experience shows how powerful stories are. If positive stories can bring someone from the brink of suicide, how easy can stories attract one’s ideal match?
The point of this story is not how powerful what we offer is. The point is only one thing makes someone’s life joyful. That is what one tells themselves about the life they live.
Stories also shape what happens in that life. A person can create any life they want. Once the momentum gets going in that direction, life gets really fun.
No one need live an awful life. No one need live in loneliness, or a life in which their desires go unfulfilled. Everyone comes knowing they can do, be or have whatever they want. Nearly everyone forgets that though.
The Transamorous Network exists to remind people what’s possible. Then we show people how to make what’s possible real. Ready to know how? Contact us.
A transgender woman who discovered The Transamorous Network on Medium followed our content. Then, just a couple days later, stopped following us after a brief exchange with me.
She wasn’t happy hearing she creates her reality through stories she’s telling. Instead, she wants to blame men, society…anyone other than herself.
I get it.
It’s challenging getting what I share because it requires owning the indisputable fact that everyone creates experiences in their lives. But once it clicks and a person sees how their experiences stem from their stories, it all starts making sense.
Then life gets really fun. Because the only one who can effect your life experience is you. In other words: You and only you create your world. That’s powerful knowing.
Results a person gets on the way to getting what they’re after indicate what they believe about what they’re after. It’s great knowing that too.
Because armed with that knowledge, results help shape beliefs more aligned with what one wants. Deliberately using this process, seeing it work the way it does, makes life fun. It also makes getting what you want really easy.
Nearly all my clients come thinking they want what they want. But when we examine beliefs they have about what they want, and about other things related to that (and not related), they see how, actually, contrary their beliefs are to what they want.
Why people give up dreams
Putting it plain: everyone’s life springs from what they say, think and believe about life. No one experiences something not in accord with their beliefs. That’s accurate for finding lost keys, enjoying ideal careers, changing personal characteristics, having a political system that’s fair and just…and having love however that looks.
Nearly everyone thinks they think consistent with what they want. But I assure you if that were true, dating sites, for example, wouldn’t be a thing. The only reason so many of us humans give up on our dreams, including dream lovers, is because we don’t understand what we’re doing that squashes those dreams.
I share the below screen shots a lot. The reason why: they show to a “T” how transgender women (and trans-attracted men) squash their dream relationships:
The same mistake over and over
The transgender women in those screen shots are doubling down on “evidence” they THINK tells them it’s the world “out there” creating circumstances that frustrate, confound and annoy them. It’s the men they meet, they say, who are to blame. Or it’s some other factor beyond their control.
In reality, it’s the doubling down on those beliefs that’s the problem. That’s why transgender women who say such things feel so bad when they say them.
They keep repeating the same mistake, rolling out all the evidence they think confirms what they think is the reason they can’t meet the man. They don’t realize that the reason they can’t meet the man is because they keep focusing on all the men they’ve met who have come and gone, men who are NOT the man, men who match and reflect stories they have – about themselves, about men, generally, about these men specifically, about dating, about what they want and whether they believe getting that is possible. These beliefs keep them from getting what they want.
The same thing is happening for trans-attracted men.
Be the evidence
You just can’t get what you want when you’re telling stories all the time about what you don’t want. That’s what transwomen do when they say “I’ve been online dating for XX years and have contacted XX hundred men and…blah, blah, blah.”
Life doesn’t work that way.
My own life shows how accurate “the work” is. I write about my results every week on Positively Focused and here on The Transamorous Network. My life experience contains a ton of evidence how this works.
Don’t rely on evidence I produced though. Create your own. Be the evidence you want to see.
So it’s not about being “picky” about the men you want. It’s about what you think about the men you want, what you think about the men (or transgender women) you had, what you think about YOU.
What you think about what you think you deserve says a lot. How do you feel about being trans? That matters. How do you feel about life in general? That matters too.
Each of us comes into the world ready to create whatever life would thrill us. Transpeople especially.
You already knew this
But transpeople and trans-attracted people bring something more: an extraordinary ability to influence all of humanity. Because that which humanity comes from knows “trans”, as a phenomena, is a response to humanity wanting to know more about its potential.
But that “wanting to know” and the potential both are oppressed by bogus collective beliefs humans have about life, gender and a bunch of other things. You can see this by how resistant humans are to real progress and things that confront their beliefs.
Like many people, transgender people get kinda lost. They forget what I’m sharing with you although they knew it before they “incarnated”. Then they get insecure, begin thinking they’re unworthy, and in so doing, lose their influence.
Then they end up in various states of anxiety, frustration, worry, insecurity…the list goes on.
Some don’t stick around, chosing instead to pass back into nonphysical, the place from where they came, where we all come from, through what society calls “suicide”.
That is another bogus belief because every death is chosen, making all deaths suicides. Humans find that very hard to accept too. Just as some trans people can’t accept that they chose to be trans before incarnating and that choice was a magnificent one chosen by a powerful, world-changing, eternal being.
Everyone is SUPPOSED to have EVERYTHING they want. No exceptions. No one is keeping anything from anyone.
But if you’re struggling to find a partner, there is someone keeping that at bay. That someone is you and you alone.
I’m overjoyed sharing this video and appreciate deeply my client’s willingness to share it with you too.
It’s deeply touching watching what happens in this, unfiltered, full, lightly edited recording. I knew when we had it, it offered extraordinary insight into how telling better-feeling stories works.
As my client gets near the end of the session, you can see how deeply his new stories transformed his perspective.
A session anatomy
The client came to the session after spending the week in disempowering stories. As such, he characterized the week as negative, sharing only those experiences he had access to – those matching his lower level stories – as “proof” substantiating his experience.
This offered a wonderful opportunity. We practiced shifting his stories. As he told increasingly better-feeling stories, positive experiences he had during the same week, ones he didn’t mention, returned to his memory. That’s because as he improved his stories, he resonated to those instead of more negative experiences with which he originally perceived through his matching, negative stories. In doing so his mood changed completely.
This session illustrates so many powerful insights, the most important being: Telling stories that feel good creates better life experiences.
What reality resonates?
The reality one experiences is the one with which they resonate. Life’s harmonics will draw to a person, experiences from the infinite matching that person’s stories or beliefs. He can access no other realities, even though they’re just as real. One’s experience therefore rests completely with what stories he tells. This includes relationship experiences, as well as who shows up in one’s life.
So if you want someone to love, but keep meeting toads or skeezers, the remedy isn’t on a dating site. It’s not in finding a different person. Your remedy lies in your stories.
Every reality exists simultaneously. By shifting one’s stories, through simple declarative statements, one finds oneself realizing totally different versions of the exact same reality they experience. Only details change because the better-feeling stories draw details matching them.
I love this work. I love showing people how to change their stories so they end up on track to everything they want.
But what fulfills me most is the jubilance I feel when I see significant positive shifts in people’s being. This happens in the video at 00:35:39. Especially when they see it too. That’s the payoff. That and the client realizing their life changed for the better, of course.
We’re all eternal. Getting what you want can happen all day every day. They’re sign posts along a never ending path of personal fulfillment and joy. Life’s purpose therefore doesn’t rest in getting what you want, although getting that really is fun.
Life’s purpose fulfills itself in wonderful, delicious, rambunctious feelings birthed from knowing you’re at the center of the Universe. You’re eternal, getting exactly what you create. Nothing beats that, as my client here shows.