Trans Attraction Is Shameless

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Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

There’s no shame in trans attraction until someone who is trans attracted believes their trans attraction is wrong.

Think about that. When a person feels attracted to a trans woman, there’s just the attraction…at first. But then thoughts come “seemingly out of nowhere”.

These thoughts get thought all the time by friends, loved ones, society in general, and one’s coworkers. So much so the trans attracted person starts thinking them too, well before meeting a trans person.

I sure did.

These thoughts get thought so often, they become beliefs: societal beliefs, cultural beliefs, “stereotypes”, memes, jokes…

These beliefs activate sometimes when a man feels attracted to a trans woman. No one deserves blame for such beliefs. It doesn’t matter who started them, or where they came from. When they activate they are “what is” for the person having them. They are his truth.

A million “truths” exist for every topic though, so just because a man activates a belief in him doesn’t make that belief “true”. Unless the man believes it is true. When he does, when he believes the belief, then shame shows up.

Shame tells a person the thought just thought isn’t true. My clients learn this pretty early in their sessions. But understanding how emotions like shame work takes time. Why does it take time? Because people aren’t clear about why they have emotions.

Once my clients relearn this, they find they can create any reality they want, including a reality where they live their trans attraction proudly. First though old beliefs must go away.

When that happens, fulfilling relationships are foregone conclusions.

Something else happens though when shame and embarrassment, triggered by beliefs or stories, disappear: a new set of beliefs show up, beliefs like this:

  • I see how I was “that guy” treating trans women like objects
  • I see how my behavior probably caused trans woman to feel fetishized
  • I get how I contributed to the “chaser” story

Then new thoughts show up:

  • I want to be more supportive of trans women
  • I want to do my part be an ally
  • I want to share who I am so other guys gain confidence too

When thoughts like that show up, I know my client made progress in their own journey towards transamory. When that happens the trans community (and the world) is better off because of it.

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