A client recently worried about how much her life changed since working with The Transamorous Network. She worried she had become so positive, she wouldn’t relate to her transgender friends, most of whom are negative, angry and bitter.
She also worried about whether she would find a partner. She felt so far from where she was before working with us that she wouldn’t be able to relate to “normal” men.
Her happiness, her positivity does set her apart. But is that really a problem?
Life experience matches beliefs. For many trans and trans-attracted people, that can bring love and fun and happiness. It also can bring anguish, fear, disappointment and discouragement.
Unless a person looks at what they’re thinking, life seems random, bringing a little bit of everything, good and bad. Depending on one’s dominant perspective, life generally gets better, stays the same, or gets worse.
When a person starts looking at what they’re thinking though, then does something about that, shaping their experience however they want becomes possible, consistent with the laws of physics, of course. A person may not fly like superman in their physical body, for example, but they can experience leaving their body and flying none the less.
It’s fascinating watching people react to posts we publish here at The Transamorous Network. It’s instructive too, because, when a person reacts, especially when the reaction is extremely negative, they aren’t reacting to some objective truth about our post. Instead, they’re reacting to their story about our post.
Take this exchange below, for example. This person knows nothing about The Transamorous Network, yet had a severe, knee jerk reaction to the title of a post we recently published: “Trans attraction is an adventure“.
I understand her upset. There are lots of trans women who share her opinion about trans-attracted men, about fetishization, and anger about being fetishized.
I know every story about every subject is never about the subject. It’s always about the story – the interpretation the observer makes about the subject. Stories will always create realities consistent with themselves.
So when a person acts like a jerk, like the person in the picture, that person is showing others the story they’re telling: an unpleasant one.
The real story
This post she’s telling a story about described an exchange I had with a young man struggling with his trans attraction. I told him his trans attraction is an adventure he came into life eager to have. Every life experience can be seen this way, I told him. Life is supposed to be fun, filled with love, happiness and joy.
But if a person looks to other people for advice and guidance, people who don’t know that life is an adventure, that person will get lives like those he seeks advice from. That’s not a good idea, I told him.
This trans woman didn’t bother to read the article. She interpreted the post’s title from her own stories then had a knee jerk reaction to it. She thinks the article is saying “trans women are the adventure”, which has nothing to do with the article.
It’s not much different from men who, struggling with their trans attraction, have knee jerk reactions to their own stories, stories that trigger within them shame and embarrassment, then do things that trans women don’t like. Such behavior makes them looks like jerks too.
When a man doesn’t want to meet in public, or ghosts a trans woman after spending months with her on instagram, that’s what is happening. His behavior is not about the trans woman. It’s about him and his stories.
But some trans women make it personal, then lose their cool. When they lose their cool, they set up future experiences just like the one they’re knee-jerking about.
Later, they see a post headline and lose their cool again, all the while not knowing they’re creating more experiences exactly like the last. Experiences that reinforce their disempowering story.
If there is a jerk in their story, it’s not the trans-attracted man. It’s the trans woman interpreting the guy’s actions as if they’re personal. They are not! She’s being a jerk to herself!
Unworthiness runs rampant
Many people tell stories that make them feel unworthy. They’re being jerks to themselves instead of loving themselves. There are a lot of people out there who believe they aren’t worthy of….well…a lot of things, including love and being loved. These are strong stories and when triggered, create strong reactions, which perpetuate more experiences consistent with themselves. In other words, if a person feels they’re not worthy of love, they’re going to see every relationship through that lens.
If a trans woman believes all trans-attracted men fetishize them, then they’re only going to experience fetishization, even when that’s not happening.
Back to my client: I encouraged her not to worry. The world is a big place and the Universe can deliver any experience. A person who tells positive stories develops positive expectations. Those expectations must be satisfied by the Universe. That’s just how it works. So a trans woman believing all trans-attracted men fetishize will only meet men who fetishize her. And my client will meet men consistent with her stories too.
Everyone gets what they think about most. That’s why I don’t worry about my client. She’s going to meet her match. I don’t worry about knee-jerk trans women either.