Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.
They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.
Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.
Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.
Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”
The problem is whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”
And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.
Incremental improvement
Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.
Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.
But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.
We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.
Anyone can find that partner they want (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)
Evidence abounds
For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.
Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.
Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.
Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.
Getting what you want can be hard when we keep looking at what we don’t want. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
How to not get your true love
Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.
It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.
Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.
I once contemplated suicide. This was long before I discovered my transamory. In high school, I dated one of the prettiest, most popular girls. One day, she quit dating me. Her parents didn’t approve apparently. Drawings I made of her and I engaged in sexual acts, which her parents found, didn’t help my case…
So much did her parents disapprove that they dropped the bomb, in person…on my mom. They showed up at my home one day and, in no uncertain terms, told mom I wouldn’t see their daughter any more.
My adolescent heart broke. Not knowing what I know now, I thought my youthful world ended right there. What was the point of living without her?
Obviously, I didn’t take my life. It was a momentary blip. The next day, the experience past, I moved on. So did my ex, apparently.
That’s why I understand the dismal place people find themselves where suicide seems logical. Whether trans, trans-attracted, cis or hetero it doesn’t matter. Getting to the place where suicide makes sense sucks. But it needn’t suck. Nor need it be fatal.
Instead, it can be the best launching pad to a better life.
Emotions as divining rods
Suicidal thoughts feel scary. Especially when they sneak up on you. But do they though? Are people contemplating suicide happy one moment, then, voila!, they want to die?
Of course not. Suicidal thoughts usually come to ordinary folk after a long period of gradual, increasingly negative thoughts. As such, suicidal thoughts resemble any other thought and its associated momentum.
Thoughts trigger emotions. Nothing else does that. Anyone can figure this out by watching where their emotions come from. The common refrain that “X made me” sad, or angry or jealous is a lie we tell ourselves constantly. No one makes someone else feel anything. How someone feels depends on thoughts that person thinks about what they’re thinking about. That’s the only source of emotions.
Emotions are crucial. They help tell us many important things about every choice we’re making. Some of the most powerful thoughts humans think happen underneath our awareness. It’s not that they’re “unconscious”. It’s just that the thinker is oblivious to how they’re choosing to think about what they’re thinking about. Emotions, therefore, act as an immediate feedback mechanism for our thought-choices. Not just those we choose “unconsciously”, but ones we consciously choose too.
Emotions also tell a person what’s coming in the future. Yes, they’re a kind of divining rod, accurately and constantly predicting the future before the future comes.
But since most people don’t know this, they end up feeling chronically anxious, worried, doubtful, insecure and depressed. Then they’re frightened when suicidal thoughts show up. Thoughts they could avoid completely had they used their emotions, humans’ natural divining rod, appropriately.
Most people don’t understand emotions’ purpose. So they can’t fully benefit from their emotions. (Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash)
Negative thoughts start it
Negative thoughts, and their associated emotions, essentially tell the thinker “stop how you’re thinking or you won’t like what comes next!”
Suicidal thoughts do the same, but at volume 10. They say “Dude! Wake the fuck up! You’re heading somewhere you’re not going to like!” That’s why thoughts about killing one’s self feel so awful. If someone thinking about suicide looks back across their “thinking” history, they will find a succession of increasingly negative conclusions about life, themselves or some situation. They’ve been thinking thoughts on a variety of subjects that are grossly inaccurate. And they’ve felt increasingly awful-feeling emotions along the way.
So suicidal thoughts usually indicate a strong momentum of negative thinking (long held beliefs) leading to feeling unworthy, powerless, hopeless and depression; all emotions signaling immediate action is needed.
People generally panic or they double down when such thoughts happen because they don’t know how they happened or where they come from. So they don’t know what to do when they show up (that’s powerlessness), which exacerbates their feeling out of control (that’s helplessness). That triggers more fear and powerlessness and lack of control. See how that momentum builds up?
But such thoughts can be reversed with very little effort.
A client who had suicidal ideation found near-complete relief from such thoughts after one session.
What happens after the act
A hopeless or depressed person who kills themselves ends up where everyone else who dies ends up. They return to where they came, a place I call “nonphysical”. There, they remember everything they forgot when they became human. They remember they are an eternal being. Their awareness expands back into the Broader Perspective that guided them while in a physical body. They realize there’s far more to what they are than life on earth.
They also return to the pure positive, joyful energy being that is their natural state. In that state they also realize something else. They get that their exit from the life trajectory they chose was premature. They also see that, like a bad dream, experiences they feared were of their own making. A path they created that, had they kept walking, would have improved.
Human life experience offers so much rich and satisfying opportunity. It literally changes the being experiencing it in profound ways. It does the same for everyone involved.
The experience offers such profound opportunity, a being standing in nonphysical finds it irresistible. That’s why so many humans and other living creatures incarnate.
Post-suicide, these realizations deeply move the person. They remember the profound reason they chose human existence. That reason compels them so completely, they find themselves drawn right back into another body to resume the process they began. The process leading to profound transformation and elevation.
This doesn’t happen against their will. The happening happens because the being, the eternal being, knows what this experience offers. And it wants that.
Life offers profound transformation and elevation. (Photo by Liam Pozz on Unsplash)
A temporary fix at best
So suicide offers at best a temporary respite from a chronic series of interpretations that ran counter to what really happened. Instead of seeing their life unfolding in a beautiful, perfect, divinely-timed unfolding designed by them, they saw it as an awful experience over which they had no control.
Such distorted interpretations usually don’t lead to suicide. Otherwise far more people would kill themselves than do. Suicide happens less frequently because, most of the time, human consciousness, guided by its Broader Perspective enjoys an underlying propensity towards “good”. Inner guidance steps in well before the train gets near careening off its track.
Transgender people who commit suicide are no exception. Pain they experience before the act is self-generated. Taking one’s life releases the person from pain. But not from the joyful path they took on. Suicide represents a short detour before returning to finish what they started.
In the midst of suicidal thoughts, killing one’s self seems like a good idea. But it only prolongs the inevitable. (Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash)
Suicidal thinking’s great potential
Killing one’s self looks bad and wrong and scary. But it’s none of these things. At worse, it’s a temporary detour. At best, it offers a reset for the eternal individual. A chance to recover that awesome awareness state from which the human journey began.
Ultimately, all paths lead to fulfilled desire and expansion of All That Is. No one need experience emotions leading to suicide. Such thoughts usually resolve themselves with just a little attention paid to creating other thoughts aligned with one’s Broader Perspective.
People thinking about killing themselves possess tremendous energy. Such people can transform then channel that energy towards their desires. In other words, a person contemplating suicide enjoys tremendous potential.
I help people learn to channel that energy. I show them how to improve their story telling. After that anything becomes possible. That’s what life holds for everyone. Unlimited possibilities available to all. That’s what makes life so worth living.
I think anyone would enjoy that. Why wouldn’t they? Because most people don’t realize how good life can be. I love helping folks realize life’s goodness.
Thinking about committing suicide? Get help by dialing 988 in the US.
I love telling positive stories. They feel so good. And they create experiences the prove telling positive stories works.
This morning proves that assertion in abundance. It looks like coincidence to the uninitiated eye. But to people who know stories create reality, what happened happened because that’s what happens when a person finds their grace and worthiness.
In other words, when a person tells positive stories, they also find they stand at the center of the Universe. From there, life’s an adventure.
I love sharing this story. I know it offers inspiration for others. That’s why I started this blog: to inspire others into a new reality. One where they get everything they want, including the relationship they want.
After all, that wonderful relationship can happen exactly like what happened in this story.
A wonderful day awaited
I woke up this morning super positive. Amazing dreams, an amazing “meditation” session, and an eagerness about the day fueled my rising. As usual when I wake these days, my higher knowing, my Broader Perspective, serves me a list of things it knows will inspire me.
That list included going grocery shopping. I planned a Safeway trip today, Friday, followed by a Trader Joe’s trip Saturday. But my my Broader Perspective said “do both today”.
My calendar showing the two appointments for shopping, one Friday, one Saturday. The was prior to receiving my Inner Being guidance.
I follow such guidance more quickly and often these days. Because I know following such guidance always leads to extraordinary experiences. I write about these every week in my other blog, Positively Focused.
I don’t have a car. Instead I get around by foot or my bike. A bike ride in the cool morning air this morning sounded great. By the afternoon, Portlanders expected temperatures in the low hundreds, so I felt eager about getting these trips in early.
Safeway was easy and fun. I enjoyed a nice chat with Tammy, the checkout person who usually rings my groceries. While checking out my groceries, I shared my excitement over how much food I got for so little money, thanks to Safeway’s loyalty program. Tammy agreed laughing. I’m sure she though me crazy.
Then I rode home with my panniers full of wonderful food. When it was all either in the fridge or pantry, I realized, I forgot toilet paper I bought. Rather than disappointment about that, I felt excitement about another ride to Safeway. That’s how much I like riding my bike. 😊
Getting the toilet paper happened quick. After putting it away, I prepared for my TJ run. Little did I know, while I prepared, the day had ready awesome delights prepared.
Good and bad here, now
It was a lovely ride to TJs. Before leaving home, I sat a few moments. In those moments I told stories about how good I felt, how wonderful it is owning the bike I own, how awesome it is living where I live and how much fun the ride to TJs would be.
Then I took an alternative path just to amplify the fun. Nearly everyone I passed greeted me with a smile. Cars stopped on main streets so I could cross. A young woman walking her dog sported a lovely hat and I told her so. She smiled in return. Fellow bike riders greeted me as I passed.
My beautiful transportation.
Everything went in a way indicating I had aligned with all that is good. My Broader Perspective and the Universe showed me all the way to TJs evidence of my really strong positive perspective creating experiences I enjoy.
As Trader Joe’s approached, I saw a homeless person. Now in the past, when I ride by a homeless person on the way to Trader Joe’s, I have, again, in the past, worried about him going into my bike bags while I shop. So I lock my bike bags to my bike. I also leave nothing valuable in them.
This time, when I saw the homeless person, I imagined the homeless person trying to take my bags. Then he did some sort of vandalism because he couldn’t get them off my bike.
Slight insecurity accompanied that imagined scenario. That’s when I caught myself. Emotions tell me something important, I know. What was I doing? Creating a reality I didn’t want through this negative story. That’s what my emotions told me. So I dropped that imagined scenario as quickly as I could. My positive feelings returned and, for a few moments that imagined scenario disappeared.
It would return a bit later. But thankfully, not in as big a manifestation as it could have!
“Good” and “bad” exist in every universal particle, in every scenario, in every moment. I know what stories I tell about each experience shapes how much of “good” or “bad” fills my experiences. That’s why I tell as many positive stories as I can. It maximizes the former and excludes all of the latter.
Let the fun…continue?
Leaving that scenario behind, I locked my bike, went into the store, followed my intuition and got everything I wanted in about 10 minutes. I checked out and while doing so the wonderful checker greeted me with a smile and a nice little conversation.
Then, when I walked out the door I looked towards my bike. My attention went right to my rear tire. It was flat as a pancake!
For a brief second, that scenario I thought before returned. Did some homeless guy slash my tire? Slowly, I approached my bike. Again, I dropped that scenario. After all, no matter how it happened, it happened. My bike had a flat. Brooding about it wouldn’t fix my tire!
Houselessness runs rampant these days. It also triggers many people’s negative stories. Including mine. (Photo by Yawer Waani on Unsplash)
After loading the pannier with what I bought, I put them aside, then detached the tire, and opened my accessories bag. That’s when I noticed my repair kit was missing! The patch kit was there, but other tools I needed weren’t. I couldn’t repair the flat!
At that point, I stopped myself, took a breath and assessed my situation. This wasn’t what it looked like. Something brewed here, ready to be enjoyed. I didn’t know what though. Still, I know this flat wasn’t random or an accident.
So instead of jumping into action, I took a moment and reframed the situation.
“Boy, something really great is going to happen because of this,” I thought to myself. “This is going to be fun!” And I meant it!
Just then, another biker passed by riding an electric bike. Two people passed after that. Meanwhile I started putting my bike back together, figuring I would have to push my bike to a repair shop, call a Lyft or an Uber.
Bring on the wonder!
Minutes later, that electric bike rider returned. He asked me if everything was OK. I explained what happened, that I planned a walk to a repair shop. He mentioned The Bike Gallery, a major bike chain here in Portland.
Under his breath he said that if I took my bike there, and knocked on the door, the staff would let me in and fix my bike.
“I actually work there,” he added in an even lower tone.
Right then, I knew something amazing had come together. My Spidey sense told me this was the Universe unfolding a continuous stream of extremely positive outcomes in response to my chronic positive stories. That stream started from my dreams. And with this flat, that stream continued. Here’s what happened next:
The guy left, I got my bike back together, then started walking from 43rd Ave. to the Bike Gallery located on 53rd Ave. All the way I told positive stories. I enjoyed the walk. It was good exercise. I enjoyed the increasing heat on my face and body while walking. A light sweat started on my skin, which evaporated in the light, heating breeze, cooling me in the process. The weight of my panniers full of food pushed down on the flat. That made it easy to push my bike even with no air in the tire.
Two-thirds of the way to the Bike Gallery, I looked up the street and saw a biker who looked like the same guy who helped me at Trader Joe’s. When he saw me he turned my way. It was the guy.
“You walk fast,” He said, then pointed to the pannier latched to his bike. A huge manual air pump extended out of its open top. “I packed some repair tools and was coming back to rescue you,” He added. “I’ll meet you back at the store.”
The joy keeps coming
He greeted me when I arrived, then ushered me to the maintenance department. There he took my bike, disassembled it, took apart the flat tire and showed me what the problem was: the rim tape slipped causing the innertube to dip into one of the spoke dimples. That, combined with the pressure of the air in the tube, cut the tube open.
“You would not have been able to repair that.” He said. “And even if you tried with a new tube, that tube probably would’ve gotten punctured too.”
There’s my bike in the rack. The rim and tire rests against tool drawers.
Obviously, my Broader Perspective, the Universe and All That Is orchestrated this uncommon, uncanny flat tire situation. Responding the way I did, my blessed path unfolded, opening doors to a cavalcade of wonderful outcomes.
I could have got angry about the flat, railed at the sucky timing, or felt sorry for myself. Telling those negative stories would have opened different circumstances. Imagine, were I pissed, the guy who helped me may not have felt comfortable approaching me. Or maybe in my frustration I might have said something rude.
But by reframing the situation and seeing it as an adventure, the whole situation unfolded in this wonderful way. I aligned myself with those positive outcomes, which continued even while this guy repaired my tire.
While he repaired it, I noticed another bike repair guy grinning ear-to-ear while fiddling with the cash register. I felt inspired to compliment him, so I did.
“You’re having a great time,” I said. “I can tell by your smile.”
“I love what I do,” he said. “Bikes are the best.”
I agreed while noticing his name, Tim, on his name tag. While my bike got fixed, Tim and I enjoyed a great conversation. He worked at the Bike Gallery for many years and has been working on bikes all his life. This store was short-staffed, so his manager at the store where he usually works dispatched him here to help out. Imagine that! Another synchronicity!
Had that not happened, we wouldn’t have enjoyed what happened next.
The full monty brought to life
Tim said he’s lived in Portland all his life, repaired bikes all his life and feels he’s living his dream. Thus the smile. He lives in a place called Hillsboro, here in Oregon. His family lives in other local cities called Portland, Forest Grove and Salem.
He and I also talked about bicycle motocross, a passion of his, about my heroes from my bicycle motocross days when I was a child. I loved watching real motocross while growing up in Southern California too. I told Tim that and Tim told me a great story where he met one of my number one heroes of that time. Tim and I both got more excited the more we talked. Did I say it was a great conversation?
Meanwhile the guy who rescued me, whose name was Randall, replaced the original fabric rim tape with an upgraded rubber version, put the bike back together, then rolled it over to me.
“How much do I owe you?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
That’s when I really knew this flat tire offered tremendous opportunity, which I stepped into by framing it as a positive adventure instead of a mishap. That opened the door to this awesome experience.
Think about it. The flat itself was uncommon. I couldn’t have repaired it had I tried. The universe didn’t want me too. It and my Broader Perspective wanted me to witness how much they love me by orchestrating all that unfolded. So cool!
By way of explanation, I told Randall about my blogs and how I write about these kinds of wonderful synchronicities that happen in my life all the time. Then I asked if I could take his picture. He said yes.
This is Randall and I:
Me and my guardian angel and bike repair guru, Randall (r).
Randall lives in Woodstock and rides his electric bike to The Bike Gallery every day unless work demands something different.
Something different and delightful always awaits one who tells positive stories. Nothing happens by accident. Everything happens on purpose. Positive stories brings that purpose into focus. The purpose everything means to give us is joyful recognition that the Universe is always on our side.
But if one doesn’t line up with that love, that joyful acknowledgment of this joyful purpose, they get struggle, pain, disappointment and more.
I prefer joy, love and happy results. So I do everything I can to foster and amplify those results. It’s easy, once I got the hang of it. As a result of that, even an unfixable bike flat serves up a great big heaping pile of joyful experience.
As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.
But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.
Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.
Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere
Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.
Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.
For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.
They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.
In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.
Everyone is a match
This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.
I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.
Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.
I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.
Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.
Here’s a series of stories I tell often as a transamorous person. They’re why I experience a consistent happy life.
These stories create life experiences consistent with what I want, while keeping experiences I don’t want from finding me. It’s like magic, or a spell, but it’s not that. It’s just what happens when I focus on good-feeling stories. You can do this too. Try these. See what happens. You know they’re working when you feel good.
I like choosing to tellpositive stories
I like choosing to tell positive stories instead of letting what is going on around me to choose the stories I tell
I like that
I like how that felt coming up with that story
Choosing what story to tell instead of letting what is going on choose my story for mefeels good
It feels good deliberately telling positive stories
It feels good feeling how good it feels when I choose to tell positive stories especially when I focus on positive things to tell stories about
I like telling positive stories
This feels good telling stories about about things that feel good
I like stories that feel good
I like knowing when I tell positive stories I’m being my positive stories
I really like knowing this when things appear to not be working out
I really like choosing to know it’s going right when it feels like it’s going wrong
That’s a positive story
I like knowing that negative emotion is a positive thing
I appreciate what I feel because it tells me what story I’m telling
I can choose anything that feels better, talk about that and in time feel better
I know when I do that I’m telling positive stories
I know I’ve done that by how good I feel
I’m feeling good now telling all these positive stories
