Do Americans Really Hate Trans People Now?

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

TLDR: The author argues that perceptions among transgender people that Americans hate trans people are skewed by radicalized views and such conclusions lack nuance. Research suggests support for trans people is increasing in the United States, especially among young, progressive Americans, with the majority of Americans favoring protection for transgender individuals.

I read a story on Medium recently that took the United States to task for hating transgender people. It’s author recently listened to a podcast series about parents navigating difficulties they face as parents of trans kids.

What happened here is instructive. The author took a country of over 300 million people and reduced every person into transphobic bigots. How she got to that conclusion shows how powerful stories create reality. Her example also shows why it’s a terrible idea to look at things that make us feel shitty.

Let’s take a look at what happened here so we can learn from the wonderful gift this author gave us. Then, let’s look at what really is happening with American’s views about transgender people.

Radicalization: it’s not a good look

So the author, who is trans, listened to what supposedly is a supportive podcast for those with trans kids. I’m not including a link to it, or to the author’s post, because I prefer offering empowering and supportive content. Not content that radicalizes people. Especially content that doesn’t appreciate the bigger picture. A bigger picture that screams: Hey! The world is getting better and better for transgender people!

Apparently, according to the Medium author, the United States is an “ocean of hate” and this podcast represents an island of queer positivity. And yet, according to the author, the podcast focuses on how these parents are “terrified”, “worried” and “concerned” about the lives of their trans kids.

How is terror, worry and concern positive?

The deeper into her article we get, the more it becomes clear that the Medium author lost perspective. Binging the podcast got her all riled up. What’s really interesting is, in her article she critiques the United States as a hatred-filled radicalized “banana republic” while at the same time expressing views herself which border on hate. Views which are way off the mark about what is really happening in the United States.

In other words, she allowed the podcast to radicalize her beliefs. And in her radicalization she has become the very thing she’s attacking: someone who allowed herself to adopt a drastically skew perspective of what’s really going on. Then she lashed out with judgements about people she doesn’t know.

Transphobic people are doing the exact same thing.

Radicalization is not a good look. It doesn’t matter if liberals or conservatives do it. It doesn’t matter if transphobes or transgender people do it. It’s the same. It’s disempowering, and it’s ugly.

Is America An Ocean of Hate?

But more importantly, radicalization backfires. It turns the radical into a parody of him or herself. And, taken to the extreme, it tends to get a lot of people hurt. Often that includes the radical. Every mass shooter is a radical. So is every suicide bomber.

That’s enough about the article and the podcast. Let’s instead now look at what “America” really thinks about transgender people. This is going to be interesting…

For a more balanced look, let’s turn to Pew. Pew is a leading research firm. It gathers public opinion on almost everything. Including opinions Americans have about the transgender phenomena. What did Pew find in their research? Well, like I wrote above, it’s interesting:

Most [Americans] favor protecting trans people from discrimination, even as growing share say gender is determined by sex at birth.

Pew Research

Here’s what that looks like in a graphical breakdown:

Yes, people are still stuck thinking a person is a man or woman as determined by sex assigned at birth. But you know what almost totally is to blame for that? SCIENCE. That’s right! Science has convinced people there is nothing beyond physical reality. And most people swallow that crap hook, line, and sinker. So they believe sex and gender is a physical construct. It’s not.

Sex and gender are determined well before birth. And that determination is A CHOICE.

Cultures that pre-date science knew better, as many trans people know. That’s why Hijras and two-spirit people have been things far longer than modern civilization, to mention two examples.

Youth change reality

Meanwhile, as old, crusty farts holding to conservative views die off, young people’s attitudes are more closely matching a more nuanced view of transgender people. Their views also promise better futures for such people. Look at this, for example, which also is from Pew:

In other words, in America, the younger the American you ask, the more supportive that person will likely be. Moreover, politically progressive people lean more supportive as well.

So where are these radical, hating, transphobic Americans? Is America really an “ocean of hate”?

These data seem to debunk the assertion. Just ten percent of Americans express strong opposition or just opposition to the transgender phenomenon. That means LESS THAN TEN PERCENT “strongly” oppose. Meanwhile, an overwhelming 64 percent of Americans STRONGLY FAVOR or FAVOR protecting transgender people. It seems, then, that America is an ocean comprising a majority of tolerance, acceptance and support. “Hate” is an exception to the American norm.

Let’s look at another source

Ipsos is another polling agency. Last year, they conducted a poll of Americans on the transgender issue. That poll showed strong disinterest among Americans for having trans women, for example, compete in women’s sports competitions. But other results they found are consistent with Pew’s.

On providing gender-affirming medical care, for example, Ipsos found an overwhelming majority of Americans support such policies. Read that headline below carefully. It’s not written very well in my opinion:

A better headline would have been “The majority of Americans SUPPORT GIVING trans youth gender-affirming care”. Here’s another Ipsos graph presenting the same information. It may be easier to understand. An interactive one can be found on the NPR website. You’re wanting to look at totals representing the “opposed” categories.

It’s getting better!

What shall we take away from all this? Well, first, your stories (beliefs) matter. They shape your reality. They also determine your behavior. The Medium author’s radicalized beliefs caused her to write a way inaccurate story about the United States. And that happened because she listened to a “supportive”, “positive” podcast for parents of trans youths.

Stories/beliefs also attract to us evidence that will tell us our stories/beliefs are “true” . So if we think the world is terrible for trans people, that’s what we’re going to see. But that doesn’t mean that’s the whole story.

Sure, there are those who hate what trans people represent. Those people are frightened by what they see. Trans people confront their long-held beliefs. But that’s not your problem! Indeed, no trans person need encounter such people. Not if they don’t want to.

One of my mentors putting it plain. Those who hate you hate out of their own suffering.

The problem is, a lot of trans people want to encounter them. They don’t intentionally want to. But their beliefs, choices and actions cause them to encounter such people. Some do it because they believe they’re changing the world. That’s great. But others do it while not knowing they’re doing it.

What we resist persists! What we complain about we get more of! If we stop putting attention on the tiny minority of people out there living their lives in deep pain, those people will gradually self-select themselves out of our experience.

And, if we put our attention on all that’s going great for trans people, we’ll see more of that. Then we’ll feel better about life. We’ll feel better about OUR lives. And when that happens, our lives WILL GET BETTER.

That’s how the Universe works.

Don’t believe me, try it

Now, you may think you have enough evidence to prove what you just read wrong. That just proves my points! Don’t take my word(s) for evidence! Test it out! The Universe will prove it to you! That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

It continuously wants us to know life can be as great as we want it. That’s why, when we focus on things we think are “going wrong” we feel bad. We feel bad because that feeling tells us we’re not looking at the world the way we couldlook at it. And, as a result of looking at it the way we could, we could feel better. And then have a better life.

If you try it, if you try looking for evidence of everything going right, evidence will show itself to you. But you must know where to look to see it. Otherwise, you miss it. I can help you not miss it. Let’s chat.

Violence Accomplishes Nothing For Transgender People

Muriel and I were talking recently. In case you have been up on the news, I have a girlfriend. She happens to be trans. I call her Muriel because I respect her privacy.

Anyway, she and I were talking about an article she wrote. It was about radicals, terrorists, and generally violence perpetrated by radicalized people. In it she described a trans person who, themselves was “at the threshold of radicalization”. This person, she wrote, made the case for direct action against those perpetuating violence against trans people. Muriel also said she agreed with this person’s arguments. Almost.

But she changed her mind.

During our conversation, we talked about a lot of past violence. Violence perpetrated by terrorists yes. But also “economic” violence billionaires wage. But I couldn’t help focusing on some transgender people’s calls for violence against those who wage violence on them.

I understand the sentiment. But no matter how much relief such violence offers temporarily, it’s not worth what violence ultimately creates. Which is, of course, more violence.

I want to dig into this a bit.

Violence is powerlessness manifested

If we look at people who commit violence, we’ll find something of note. Every violent actor acts from powerlessness. Violence is the act of the powerless. It is action taken by one who has lost all control. Or someone bent on “justice”. Which in most violent cases, is really “revenge”. In every case, they believe they have no other option. That’s powerlessness.

Every racist, bigot or conservative, Christian whacko who perpetuates violence against trans people also does so out of ignorance. Think about it. Such people rarely get to know a transgender person. They do no research on the matter. Or they rely on religious texts. Texts often taken out of context. So they possess no real education on the subject. They’re fueled by fear. And they feel powerless. All that leads to irrational action. Which is almost always what violent acts are: irrational.

The only exception is self-defense. But even there, violence is problematic. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Some trans-attracted men resorted to violence. That’s the “gay panic” defense often used years ago, when it seemed trans women were being killed at epidemic rates. “Gay panic” points to powerlessness. The men literally scared themselves out of all reason. Because their stories about their trans-attraction triggered catastrophic conclusions. “What will my homies think?” “What will my fellow Marines think?” “They’ll ridicule me!”

So people who fear the transgender phenomena act from fear, ignorance and powerlessness. Is it then really a good idea for trans people to choose violence? Trans people arguing for violence are becoming that which they fear: Irrational, ignorant powerless people.

The alternative to violence is compassion. Let’s look at that next.

Violence relinquishes the moral high ground

I argue often that trans people represent a leading edge evolution of humanity. By definition such people will face persecution. All pioneers do. At first. Then their way becomes accepted practice. And that’s what trans people are doing. They set a new bar for what it means to be human. A bar taking humanity to another level of human-ness.

This means, of course, that trans people hold a high ground of morality. And, because of what they represent evolutionarily, they exist on the right side of history. Just look at how many trans children alter their parents’ views. I argue more such positive change is quietly happening. In homes, schools, boardrooms and yes bathrooms, more positive change is happening than not. It’s just that resistance is news. Controversy is too. So the media reports that. Instead of the good news. Which explains why I suggest that my clients not listen to the news.

Good news doesn’t sell.

So the trans community resorting to violence instantly gives up its moral high ground. It becomes what it is changing. Then it perpetuates more of that.

Violence almost always creates more violence. Look around. The Middle East is aflame with it. And that conflict has been going on forever. Terrorists haven’t solved their perceived problems with violence. The US and its allies or Russia accomplished nothing with violence waged on Afghanistan. Indeed, it could be argued that they just created more terrorists. There’s no value to the trans community in embracing violence.

Which brings me to the next point.

Violence creates no positive outcomes

Very little good happens from waging violence. This is debatable though. World wars, for example, triggered a lot of positive outcomes. But were those outcomes worth the deaths, carnage and suffering?

And even with those outcomes the seeds of the next war were planted. Which is why we keep having wars. If anything is guaranteed from violence, it’s that it sows the seeds of more violence. Including escalation of violence.

Even in the case of self defense, violence creates more problems than not. Violence is very expensive. It’s legally risky. It sows the seeds of retribution.

A conversation playing out in graffiti between presumably trans people and cis folks.

Notice those best prepared for violence eschew that path. I’m talking about experts in meting out violence. Special forces individuals and highly-ranked martial artists, for example, are some of the most peaceful people around. When confronted with violence, they near-always mete out the least necessary violence to neutralize the threat. In other words, their violence is informed largely by compassion, light-heartedness and a rational, open mind trained through years of practice. I should know: I have high ranks in nine different martial arts disciplines.

If a situation has devolved to violence, then involved parties have both lost. The best option is averting any need for violence in the first place. Which means creating an environment where you and violence are incompatible. That’s a natural result of my client work.

But that’s also another story.

Violence brings more suffering on the violent

A client once asked me about people out there who would do violence to you no matter what. “Shouldn’t I prepare myself or at least think about those possibilities?” She asked.

“Here’s another alternative,” I said. “You could create a reality wherein those kinds of people can’t find you. Then you don’t have to prepare for anything.”

It’s taken her a while, but she now sees the wisdom in those words. For she doesn’t worry about bad things happening to her anymore. The same potential exists for every trans person. Every person actually. We all are the center of our universe. Nothing comes into our experience we don’t invite. And we invite through our stories.

So if we want a life free of transphobes, creating that life is easy. It takes some work at first. But it’s available to any trans person. And when that world exists, where’s the need for violence or even preparing for it?

But the violent always are on edge. They perpetually think about facing violence. So they must arm themselves. Then they must brandish their arms. They must bluster and join forces with other violence-oriented people.

That kind of energy isn’t conducive to the human organism. It literally creates sickness. Mental illness yes. But also physical illnesses like cancer and other deadly conditions.

Furthermore, no matter how much you prepare for violence, there will always be someone more violent than you. One that can literally consume your life.

Is that the kind of life you want? I sure don’t. I’d rather create for myself a life of peace and harmony. And let the violent blow each other up!

Trans people are better than that

Finally, trans people are so much better than needing to resort to the irrational acts of violence. So many more productive options exist. The most powerful – and rewarding – one being taking charge of your creative powers and creating a life where violence can’t find you.

In that state, we maximize our connection with that which had us choose coming into the world as trans and trans-attracted in the first place. Maximizing that connection infuses us with a sense of our divine power. That power can literally change worlds.

And it does change worlds. Nothing else does, believe it or not.

Violence certainly doesn’t. It hasn’t ended wars. It has’t created peace. Communities aren’t free of it.

But your world can be free of it.

Embracing violence is beneath transgender people. It does no one any good. And it robs trans people of the love that inherently exists in them.

For if you’re contemplating violence, you’re not contemplating love, compassion and joy. Love compassion and joy alone makes violence go away. They’re my weapons of choice these days.

I suggest they be yours too.

Transgender Women Like This Give The Rest A Bad Name 😱

Editor’s note: This post published earlier this past summer. However, a kerfuffle developed around it. So we unpublished the post. We’re re-posting it now, having changed it given input from our readers and from the Medium.com legal department. Read about that kerfuffle this post triggered here.

Some transgender women act in ways that tarnish the entire community. These women do things that make life hard for everyone involved. Of course, some trans-attracted men do the same. They make it hard for all the other trans-attracted men.

But this post isn’t about the men. It’s about one specific woman. Her, and a mystery we solved last year with the help of a trans-attracted guy. What I find highly gratifying about this is how it happened perfectly demonstrates how “stories create reality” works 100 percent of the time.

For when I first heard what this person was doing, I didn’t complain about it. Rather I was fascinated by it. I wrote a blog to warn men about her. Then I privately told the story that the Universe would show me who this person was.

I wrote that post two years ago. Last summer, the Universe gave me what I wanted. Here’s how that happened.

A familiar MO

A trans-attracted guy wrote me on Instagram out of the blue. He was in the middle of divorcing his wife. While separated he tried dating this person. Things went awry, as they usually do when people don’t have their stories straight. Then, in retaliation, this trans woman outed the guy to his wife.

The wife then used the guy’s trans-attraction in court to wrest sole custody of their kids. She then called me in a tizzy about her ex being trans-attracted and how her life has been destroyed…

That’s another story.

But the guy’s experience felt super-familiar. That’s because not long before this, I received a similar story from a midwestern father who received a similar letter about his son.

So when the Instagram guy wrote me, it seemed auspicious. I’m keeping his name out of this at his request. He doesn’t want anymore drama.

The guy who helped me solve the mystery telling his story.
The guy explaining what happened.

Apparently then, this trans woman seeks men via online dating apps. When things go bad for her (because her stories match her with men matching her stories) she outs the men to wives, friends and families. And she includes our contact information.

Such actions are highly inappropriate. It’s like when people in the 80s and 90s outed gay men against their will. You’d think this woman would know better as there are many transgender women who face similar situations.

The guy who wrote me gave me her telephone number. He didn’t remember her name. But the number was enough. With it I was able to identify her. I sent the guy some pics and he confirmed the person in the pics was the girl.

Trans-vigilante: REVEALED

Her name is Úmi. If you meet a woman with that name, you might want to avoid her.

Of course men who met her and then ended up on the receiving end of her ire created that rendezvous too. They are not victims. Neither is the guy who helped me. Everyone is responsible for what they create.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help men avoid unnecessary complications on their Chaser to Transamorous journey. So guys: consider this your second warning.

This person destroyed two families and drove at least one woman (that I know of) to the brink of suicide. This is a serious matter.

If you sympathize with what Úmi has been doing because you think men deserve this, you might want to consider how it felt the last time you were on the receiving end of attention you didn’t want or abuse you felt undeserved. While everyone creates their reality, some of us with the ability to help others have the option to do so. That’s one reason why I started this blog and work with clients both trans and trans-attracted.

On that note, I must acknowledge this person was very briefly a Transamorous Network client. She did not reveal her behavior to me in the very few, preliminary sessions we had. I reached out to her several times prior to publishing this post. She did not respond to my requests.

And to be clear, should I discover men acting egregiously as this person has, I would share that information too.

A desire to serve and enjoying proof

I don’t know if she still behaves this way. She’s beautiful and, like all people, can get what she wants. I know (because all people are this way) a loving heart and compassionate spirit exists within her. Acting from rage or disempowerment isn’t helpful. It’s clear she realizes she could benefit from help. She just needs to clean up her stories, then she’ll be closer to getting what she wants.

Before she knows it, she can enjoy love from men, instead of matching up with men who trigger her ire. After all, they are only reflecting that ire back to her, reflecting her inner state of self-loathing and insecurity.

Meanwhile, I’m stoked with what happened. The Universe answers all desires. I’m glad this turned out the way it did. I got what I wanted.

I wanted to know who was using The Transamorous Network’s brand in a way that was causing unnecessary harm. In asking, the Universe gave that to me. It’s just one more example proving this practice works.

Our stories create all our experiences. Change our stories and our experiences change. Anything we ask for can be our experience. It takes some time though. This experience stretched over a couple years.

Thank goodness we’re all eternal. Because of that what’s a couple years in the context of eternity? It’s literally less than a blink of an eye.

I love it when what I share with clients gets confirmed in my own life. It’s icing to see it confirmed in my client’s lives too. And I’m appreciative the guy reached out to me the way he did. It was a perfect manifestation of my desire to know who this trans woman was.

It’s Not Your Trans Circus, Nor Your Trans-Attracted Monkey

Photo by Park Troopers on Unsplash

The following comes from reader and subscriber Jaimie Harris. She responded to our post about what trans and trans-attracted love can look like. In that post we described how effortless finding love can be. We shared the experience of a transgender client who, by telling increasingly better stories, is finding her way through increasingly better trans-attracted guys.

What Jamie shares further illustrates how powerful stories are. They literally create our reality. And that’s exactly what happened with Jaimie. Her experience, like our client’s, illustrates everything we say here at The Transamorous Network.

Anyone can create anything they want. Whether a lover, a better job or a relationship. Whatever floats one’s boat can be one’s reality. But to have that, one must become a match to that ideal condition. That means thinking and believing in ways consistent with that which one wants.

It’s not easy at first. But that’s only because we’ve allowed ourselves to be trained out of that natural way of being. Every other living thing on this planet lives this way. Which is why you don’t see birds, for example, working hard. Or bears worried about the winter.

So here’s Jaimie’s response to our post. See if you can identify where she changed her old story to match what she wants. Then as a result ends up with exactly that.

Soothing one’s self to get what one wants

Thank you, your writing is on point. I was overwhelmingly lonely, after being on my own for several years. I have dated several men only to find out that they were still married, but they had no intimacy at home. Their problem, not mine. But I primarily prefer to be with ladies. I am pansexual. 

As I was seeking ladies out to date online, even though I live in a city of 8 million people, I still had been unable to find my true love. I know that in my chats I was showing myself to be insecure and too needy for a relationship. But I couldn’t help it because of my overwhelming loneliness.

Finally, I got to the point where I could back off a little bit and decided that if they wanted to stop chatting after a day or two, it was their problem not mine. And then I became less needy when I was online. Now I have a girlfriend who I am engaged to that I met online. Every day she and I are together is even better than the previous day. She is trans but has not started her transition yet. I look forward to making her transition easier than I was since I had no support at home. Each day we are together our love grows stronger. 

I’m sure that those ladies I was trying to date online were thinking I had issues that I still needed to resolve from having lived life as trans and being told I wasn’t worth anything to anybody and I was mental and perverted. I had seen two therapist, but neither one of them were familiar with LGBT issues, even though they advertised they were. 

But your writing has always helped me to keep grounded. Thank you.

Evidence surrounds us daily

We are literally surrounded by evidence proving our thoughts create our reality. Jaimie changed her beliefs. She released beliefs creating “loneliness” enough to attract someone she eventually fell in love with. She also released beliefs telling her she was broken. In doing so, she realized therapists she was seeing couldn’t help her.

Now empowered, she can support her loved one in ways she didn’t enjoy. She no longer believes that other people’s actions have something to do with her. It’s a great way to live: “Not my monkey, not my circus”. Let other people live how they want. Make nothing they do about you. Then watch as your life improves.

Many great things lie ahead of Jaimie if she continues releasing old, disempowering beliefs. The path to everything we want unfolds when we do that. Jaimie’s experience also shows that anyone can do this work. It all comes down to living authentically. And by that, I mean living the fully-positive, enthusiastic, empowered self that lies at the core of all of us. By living from there, life must reflect that back to us in the form of a life we love.

Most of us, transgender, trans-attracted or otherwise instead live lives “realistically”. We think we must be up to speed on current events. We must believe what others tell us. What they tell us about being trans, or trans-attracted, they assert is “true”.

I tell my clients nothing they want lies on that path. Become positively deranged, however, and witness the wonderful life that unfolds from that.

Jamie’s figuring it out. You can too. Need some help? If you need some help, I’m here.

Every Old Trans Sock Meets An Old Trans-Attracted Shoe

Photo by Tommaso Pecchioli on Unsplash

Trigger warning: This story is for trans-attracted men and therefore contains content that, while accurate, may be triggering for some transgender women. If you’re easily triggered by other people’s opinion, best that you go read something else.

Earlier this past month, I posted a popular story about why so many trans-attracted men are showing up these days. This is a companion story. While the other story offered hope to transgender women, this one offers hope to the men. This story encourages men not to settle, to instead hold fast to what they want.

That’s because the Universe will give you exactly what you want. But you must become a match to it. That means telling stories consistent with what you’re wanting. In time as your stories gain momentum, men, you will undoubtedly encounter your dream transgender partner.

There’s an old English saying: “Every old sock, meets an old shoe.” It means, eventually, every thing finds its match or mate. The same holds true for trans-attracted men. Hold out for what you want. Soothe stories you’re telling that contradict what you want. Then you will meet your match.

There’s a match for everyone

While telling stories about what you want, it’s critical that you not listen to other people’s stories. Especially if those stories contradict what you’re wanting. For example, if a transgender woman disparages your desire to be topped by a transgender woman, you don’t want to listen to that.

The Universe isn’t listening to that person relative to your desire. So why should you?

The Universe thrives on diversity. Especially diversity of expression. That means, for every desire, a condition fulfilling that desire exists. This includes mates. In other words, for every person who wants to be with someone, no matter the conditions they desire, mates will show up. That’s right. Mates PLURAL. But most men just want one girl. Unless you men hold yourselves as not a match to what you want, it’s guaranteed you’ll get it.

For example, there are many men who want to be with a transgender woman who finds joy in using her penis. And for every man with this desire, there are increasing numbers of transgender women showing up expressing pleasure in such acts. Indeed, many such women exist on Instagram already. And many are quite beautiful. Same with YouTube. Here’s one YouTuber. Here’s another.

If you are such a man desiring such a girl, it’s really important you tell stories consistent with your desires. What do those sorts of stories sound like? Like this one, offered by Julian, a transamorous reader of our content who also happens to enjoy “bottoming,” apparently:

A transamorous guy offers a killer positive story

Get what you want

Julian’s perspective, his story, is as refreshing as it is bold. It also will guarantee he meets a woman who will derive joy from having sex with him. Julian doesn’t give a rip what other transgender women, or anyone else, thinks about his interest. And, he knows when he meets his match, she will get as much pleasure as he does from his style of sexual expression.

That’s been my experience. Nearly every transgender woman I’ve dated has been a match to my desires. That tells me it doesn’t matter what statistics say, or what transgender women say about my desires. As you are the creator of your reality, statistics don’t matter and neither do others’ opinions.

Every old sock meets an old shoe! You will get what you want. You open the door to what you want the moment you focus on your desires and leave everyone else’s opinion out of the equation.

Need help finding your match? I can help.