Why Work Hard To Find Love?

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Transgender and trans-attracted people seem to worship a false idol. It’s called hard work. Look around. So many of us are working so hard (and spending a lot of money) to find love. When instead, love can come easy. But it comes easily only if we take it easy and let it happen.

I’m not surprised so many struggle and spend a lot of money trying to find love. We’re on all kinds of dating sites. We go to bars, spend money on drinks trying to look cool. Then go home alone.

It’s the same approach we take to life in general. We spend, on average half or more of our waking lives working. Some dedicate far more of their waking hours to working hard. (For the record, because I follow my own advice, I now only work 8 hours a week and cover all my living expenses.)

Americans in particular are known for their workaholism. A client of mine on vacation in Spain talked with someone, a Spanish citizen, who described her opulent and leisure lifestyle. In doing so, she said “Americans live to work. We Spaniards work to live.“

There’s no honor in being transgender or trans-attracted and venerating working hard as the path to a relationship. If we knew more about how life works, our struggle at getting a relationship would dramatically decrease. We’d instantly find ourselves in a loving relationship. Then, everything else we want would easily flow from that.

Indeed, the easy life carries far more productivity potential. That’s because when one takes it easy, following both intuition and passion instead of doing what others expect of them, remarkable things happen. And they happen because them happening expresses nature’s grace for everyone, including transgender and trans-attracted people.

Runaway success is natural

Take a look at the paradox described by “working hard“. Many people work very hard in their lives and barely get anywhere. The working poor are a great example. But so are many of the middle class. Many people in the middle class struggle mightily working hard and just barely cover their needs and wants. Or they get far enough to amass material pleasures. But since many middle class people finance such things, they end up working even harder to pay off credit cards, mortgages and car loan debt.

Others enjoy a smattering of success evidenced by promotions, vanity titles or a real supervisory role. But those “successes“ usually lead to more work as well.

And when it comes to runaway success, an even greater paradox exists. Some of the most successful put in hardly any work at all and find success near immediately, while others work very hard in the same field and get comparatively nowhere.

Take the case of Sir Lewis Hamilton, the first Formula One driver who happens to be a person of color. He is described as a race car “prodigy“. From a very early age, his parents recognized his instinctual attraction to racing. Everyone saw it. So everyone supported him as he rose far beyond others. Others working equally hard and some working even harder.

Racing prodigy Sir Lewis Hamilton owes his racing prowess to something more than hard work. Indeed, people marvel at his avant-garde approach to his sport, which included forays into music, fashion and enjoying life instead of working hard like others in the sport. (Photo By Morio)

Hamilton does behind the steering wheel what others rarely or never do. Indeed, his “hard work“ was more about further developing his natural gifts, his passions, not struggling to achieve “success” or accomplish anything.

Something else must be happening

I was just about to write “not to diminish the effort Hamilton put into becoming a skillful driver”. But my desire to write that evidences my own indoctrination into our collective distortion; the distortion that “hard work” is the key to success. If it were the key to success, if it were instrumental in things going the way we want, why are so many hard working people not successful?

Which leads me to the following. Something else must be happening that allows some people to succeed with little effort and others, despite lots of effort, hardly ever get anywhere. This is the case for something larger having more influence on one’s success than how much effort or action one dedicates toward that goal. See where this is going?

So why is it some people who work so hard achieve comparatively little? I assert the answer has nothing to do with their hard work. Instead, it has far more to do with stories people tell.

Stories we hold create a resonance, or lack thereof, with whatever it is we decide is “success”. One’s image of oneself, what one believes is possible, and what one chooses to do from those perspectives shapes everything. That’s why transgender and trans-attracted people first must love themselves before trying to find love from another.

Action of any kind, especially in relationships, means comparatively little.

The easy life for all

That resonance giving rise to inevitable success feels a certain way. And that feeling indicates a gradually emerging life that, initially, feels better than what it feels like when working hard towards a goal. It feels like freedom, adventure, positive expectation and empowerment on a consistent basis.

Most people experience such feelings infrequently or not at all. Such experiences explain why so many struggle or live mediocre lives or lives of compromise. They’re not resonating with success they claim they want. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people when it comes to finding a partner.

We’re too busy trying to get there, copying what others do: wading through online dating profiles, for example. We won’t slow down and get in touch with that which will bring our lover to us. We don’t believe such a thing possible. So the relationship we want eludes us.

We all enjoy free will. All That Is wants us focusing our time and action living the easy life. That’s because doing so adds to or fulfills that which we each as transgender or trans-attracted people came to fulfill. And in that fulfillment, All That Is becomes more.

People who struggle contribute to more too. But how many of those people – were they in their right mind instead of the mind that has them struggling to find love – how many of those people would trade what they have for the easy life? I would argue such people, in their right mind, would make that trade.

The easy life creates a path filled with joy ease and fun. It’s a life wherein transgender and trans-attracted people can leave the struggle behind. (My artwork)

That’s because everyone knew that’s the life they would live before coming into the world. That easy life available to everyone of us, trans or trans-attracted.

Nature wants us happy

Instead, so many of us choose struggle. We all have free will, as I’ve said. We are all also eternal. So eventually, each of us, as individuals, learn to give up the hard life for the easy one. For many, that takes several lifetimes.

But for a select few, it can happen in this lifetime. By “select few“ I don’t mean to imply that someone else, like some god, chooses the lucky ones. The select few select themselves. They are those who do something about stories they tell, about their lives, about themselves and about the love they want.

And when those people do that, their life becomes the easy life. In time, they leave struggle behind.

Many struggles we transgender and trans-attracted people have stem from thinking we must do it all to get what we want. Thinking that way, we usually end up feeling discouraged and bitter. We complain about life, men, transgender women. We even complain about who we are.

I suggest we give up all of that. Do that and a whole new world opens up. One in which everything we want happens easily.

Like any false idol, working hard to get love results in emptiness and a poor substitute for fulfillment. I suggest we give that idol up. Of course, I can help with that.

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