What is transamorous?

Blog 3 photoI didn’t know the word hadn’t been created when I first used it in speaking to my wife about creating The Transamorous Network. I thought it was mainstream.

Nope.

Turnes out Piper’s Tumblr account was the first place it was coined, way back at the beginning of 2013 (lol). Maybe there are earlier records, but I’m not taking time to find out. This isn’t a journalist’s blog and I’m no researcher.

Transamory, transamorous, is the coined expression describing being romantically and/or sexually attracted to transgendered people. That means a guy like you (presuming you’re a guy reading this and you fit that description).

I love the term. It totally fits me and I’m proud to claim it. I’ve been claiming the idea behind it for a long time. I’m out about it and don’t care about those who may have a problem with it. Although I’ll gladly interact with a close-minded person in order to free it (their mind that is).

So what does it mean to be trans amorous? It means, to me, finding transwomen fantastically, irresistibly attractive and desiring to have a romantic relationship with such a person. For me it doesn’t so much equal being sexually attracted exclusive of everything else, although sexual attraction is part of the deal. Primarily for me transamory is about the “amor” – the love. The desire to love and adore a person (in this case obviously a transwoman) in a relationship where two grow to know each other more than they know anyone else.

Transamory should be distinguished from mere sexual attraction because of this. It’s more than objectifying transpeople, be they transmen or transwomen. In my opinion, you can’t love someone if you don’t know them. And you can’t know them unless you spend time with them. A lot of time. And you can’t spend time with them unless you have some things in common. So claiming to love someone just because they’re trans falls short.

In my opinion.

12 comments on “What is transamorous?
  1. Wee Heavy says:

    It’s important to note that transgender people are t limited to transgender men and transgender women. There are many of us myself included who identify as transgender and non-binary, or otherwise gender non-conforming.

    • Perry Gruber says:

      Of course “Wee”. We have focused on the binary because, well, we had to start somewhere! lol. It’s good to have you as part of the community. We (Wee – 🙂 ) love you too!

  2. Marisol Ramos says:

    I’m a woman attracted to cross dresser/ transgender. I want to know if there’s any cross dresser man / transgender whom are interested in dating women?

    • Perry Gruber says:

      There are plenty Marisol. Many transwomen and cross dressers, unable to find romance with a man, often find love with women. Of course there are also lesbians. Don’t worry, everyone finds love. Everyone. At one point or another.

  3. Merton Croutz says:

    I am very happy to find a resource of this nature.its rare.even more rare where I’m from which is South Africa.its much appreciated.

  4. Mew.5 says:

    Hi Perry,

    As a feminine of center person still exploring their gender, I am very interested in what you have to say about improving the dynamics between cismen and transwomen who are interested in one another. I would like it very much if we can bring this out into the open so that the shame of conventional cismen does not translate into disrespect and violence towards transwomen.

    But that aside, I feel this is only one specific segment that falls under the implication of transamoury. And I can’t help but notice the disparity between that and your decision to use name of “Transamoury Network.” Don’t mistake me, I do think the focus you choose is the one most in need of improvement, for many of the reasons you describe elsewhere. And it makes sense to me that you focus on cis trans, as transpeople *generally* have a better basis from which to relate to each other.

    That aside, I think it would be appreciated by those transpeople in between the poles, non-binaries outside of the spectrum, and especially transmen (who are frequently forgotten altogether in these conversations) if material was generated to address their intimate relationships with cispeople. Nor should ciswomen be ignored, as they are equally capable of fetishizing the transgendered (couples seeking ‘passable transwoman’ for hook-up, I’m looking at you).

    I know these are outside your experience and what you are able to speak to, nor would I expect/want you to make assumptions about them. But it seems entirely within the realm of possibility that you could invite other bloggers to participate and invite guests or occasional co-hosts who do participate in those dynamics.

    Again, I think you are doing very positive work and I am not trying to attack you for having a particular focus. It is merely a concern of mine that the rest of the trans community is not leat behind. For all I know you may already be considering the suggestions I have made. I am new to this particular conversation and will try to investigate it further as I am able to.

    All the best,
    S.H.

    • Perry Gruber says:

      Hi SH,
      Thanks for reading, writing and contemplating the site. It’s just starting out, but already I have a podcast scheduled to launch next month (I have three episodes recorded and another three scheduled), my YouTube Channel is up and The Transwoman’s Guide is mostly complete. You know, it’s remarkable the response I’m getting from The Man’s Guide. Two transwomen have read it. They were so thrilled they are now my Co-hosts on the podcast!

      Interesting perspective you offer on broadening the conversation. The timing couldn’t have been better, as another person (a Cis-woman) encouraged me to consider the same thing you’re writing about. Indeed, the Transamorous Network, while it focuses (for now) on the three areas mentioned in the “about page” there are plans to broaden the conversation. But, I have to start somewhere and my personal experiences seemed to be the best place.

      For sure I’ll be inviting others to contribute content on all the Network’s properties. I contend the time has come for this whole conversation on gender diversity to honor the glorious spectrum that is the human species.

      SH, I’m so encouraged by your email. Thanks so much for writing. Would you mind if I do a post about it? Also, might you be interested in being a guest on the Transamorous Network Podcast?

      Thanks again for writing.

      Perry

  5. Jenni says:

    If the emphasis in “transamorous” is on the love, then how (if at all) would on describe a man with a strictly sexual attraction to transwomen?

    • Perry Gruber says:

      I honestly don’t know the answer to your question Jenni. Instead of an answer, I just receive more questions internally in response to yours. Without having a conversation with such a man, I couldn’t provide any insight to such a singular interest in another human being.

  6. Bridget says:

    I’m so excited about the Transamorous Network. I look forward to following your blog and watching the LOVE grow.

  7. Perry Gruber says:

    This is a test comment. Looking to see if the comments actually show up.

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