I publish these posts weeks after I write them. That way, I don’t feel pressure to write something if I don’t want to. Invariably, however, the urge strikes. And so I find myself at my writing table.
Not being a hypocrite, I’m going to lavish on what I want in this post, rather than dwell on what I don’t. I’m going to praise those readers who get what I’m sharing, who have benefited from reading these posts.
But I’m also going to praise those who haven’t got what I share. Including those lambasting that second post as transphobic. I am going to praise those people, because they offer grit, the grain of sand that contributes to the ongoing pearl forming in my personality oyster that unfolds as my daily life.
So in praise of both, I offer this rather brief post.
I’m pretty positive
Over the years of writing this blog, some trans women have pretty much raved about what I share. Those who get it, those primed to benefit from what I write, share their enthusiasm and satisfaction.
Some of those women engaged with me as clients. Others, haven’t, but they have reached out from time to time to share their life progress, progress happening at least partially because of what they’ve read on this blog.
I recall fondly an ongoing three-year conversation with a trans woman in the midwest somewhere, who struggled with men and career. After a couple years of focus, she wound up meeting much better men, and started her own business. One that became successful enough that she hired her mom as an employee.
Many such stories fill my memory. And there are less profound experiences that, while less profound, were no less gratifying to receive.
Recently, in response to my most recent posts (at the time of writing this), I got two examples I really, really appreciate. The first I’m sharing responds to a post I wrote after my post about the trans community helping Trump win. In that post I shared my “origin story.”
A few didn’t respond kindly to that one, but this person’s response resonates with intentions I put into that story:
Yeah. I’m pretty positive. And it seems that bright light I offer warmed the heart of this reader.
Making a difference
The post on Trump really triggered a lot of trans women. Getting triggered is unfortunate because it reveals so much more about the person getting triggered and says nothing about the thing the person is letting trigger them.
So when I got a lot of trans women pissed off about that post and the one about me having sex with a post-op trans woman, I reveled in the knowing I have about people, the Universe and how it all works. I shared some of that knowledge in responses to those people who commented negatively. On the surface what I wrote made little difference: the women just doubled-down on their triggered perspective.
But I know when that happens, such people make a connection with what I share in a powerful way. In that way, they are bound to encounter what they’ve read somewhere else in their life. Perhaps it will come in the form they can more readily digest. So I know while it looks like I made little difference, I actually made a HUGE difference.
And that’s why I’ve written so much on this blog. That and other reasons kept me coming back to my computer every week.
Comments like the one below kept me coming back too. Getting comments like this one cause all the flaming from triggered trans women to pale in comparison. Yep, some people out there get it. And it’s cool when they feel moved enough to share like this:
In praise
When a person gets triggered, the belief confrontation happening in them literally takes them over. They can’t control themselves, which is often why such people resort to name calling and even violence. So when people respond negatively in a comment, it doesn’t mean very much. They’re out of control.
But for a person to share a positive comment, something significant must happen to move them to take the time to comment. Feeling good isn’t enough. A strong resonance between the writer and the reader must happen. In other words, someone taking time to share a positive comment speaks more powerfully than someone firing off a triggered, angry offended rant.
That’s why I so appreciate when I get calls or comments, such as the ones above.
I appreciate the flames too though although sometimes it takes a while. That’s because they cause me to dig deeper into my awareness, the very same awareness that has me write these posts every week.
Maybe you can tell I’m heading somewhere. It’s a destination I expect will fulfill itself in the next two blog posts or so. Until then, I appreciate you, dear reader. Whether you get it or whether you don’t.
TL;DR: The author asserts that “wishful thinking” is the basis of how the Universe works. They give an example of a trans-attracted client’s experience, someone who once considered killing themselves, who is now living a life he loves. The author then suggests readers reconsider what they think “wishful thinking” is. Especially trans women. For they may just create better lives for themselves.
A lot of people, especially cranky trans women, call what I teach “wishful thinking” as though what I teach can’t possibly work.
But I know “wishful thinking” does work. When they use that phrase, trans women don’t really know what they’re talking about. Usually that’s because nearly all I ask have never tried out this “You create your reality” business in their lives. Or, they have, but didn’t know how to do it right. So their tests fail. Then they think “wishful thinking” doesn’t work.
But it does work, 100 percent of the time. That’s why I’m stoked this week. I’m stoked because my clients are stoked. So many produced amazing (to them) manifestations showing them they create their realities. As a result, all are amazed their “wishful thinking” produced exactly what they wished for.
Of course, I’m not amazed. This is just how the Universe works for each and every one of us. Including trans people and those who love them.
But to see it working that way, we must believe that’s what’s happening. Otherwise we get what we see. That’s why “I believe it when I see it” cuts so many people off from a wonderful life. Being realistic, being serious, growing up and being an adult creates sucky lives. It’s better to “see it because I believe it”, like a child does. Then, we open the door and all we wish for flows into our lives effortlessly.
Let’s take a look at the wonderful things clients produced this week and why I’m so stoked with their results. In this first of several posts, I’ll share “Kevin’s” story and how he went from wanting to kill himself to living his dreams.
Curmudgeon creates suck
Interestingly, all but one of these clients are long-timers. Two are going on their fourth year as clients. The third is on her second year. One, Kevin, is trans-attracted. What’s also interesting is, the long-timers both started with extremely negative world-views. As a result, they had extremely negative lives.
And that’s just how it works. Trans people and those who love them can’t enjoy happy lives while being a curmudgeon about life. Negative beliefs about life or about ourselves creates corresponding life experiences. The negativity needn’t be that strong either. Pessimism about life in general or a vague sense of annoyance about life or things in it – people, our political leaders, the climate – will give us lives that suck.
Of course, for most people that sucky life will just feel normal. That’s because such people grow accustomed to such a life. Which explains why so many of our community members’ lives change little if at all. They don’t realize life is supposed to be fun and joyful, with everything we’re wanting happening in our lives all the time. So things going wrong people just accept as normal. Then they get bitter.
And, the longer we hold to that idea, the more momentum that focus gains. It’s no wonder then that many in old age face debilitating diseases and chronic pains. These aren’t the result of old age. They are the result of a long time suffering negative world views, especially negative views about one’s self.
I’m preparing a whole separate blog about the connection between thoughts and physical illnesses, a connection which science is [finally] acknowledging exists. Illness doesn’t come from no where. Our thoughts create them. Just like they create everything else we experience. Including our success – or not – in love.
But it’s not magic
Changing those negative world views and their corresponding momentum requires persistence and commitment. Creating our reality isn’t magic. We don’t go from unsatisfying life to joyful life in an instant. We first must soothe that negative momentum created from years of persistent negative thinking and believing. The good news is, soothing that old momentum doesn’t take as long as it took to create it. Forty or fifty years of chronic negative thinking can turn around quickly. But it doesn’t happen overnight. As I said, this “you create your reality” business isn’t magic.
That’s what these advanced clients are finding. And though it’s not magic, results they’re getting sure seem magical. It seems that way because none of these clients did ANYTHING in the world of action to create what you’re about to read. Instead, the Universe did it all for them. It did that as an expression of how worthy each of these clients are.
You are just as worthy. And since the Universe has unlimited creative capacity, you can enjoy any life you want. All that’s required is you lining up with it. Just like these clients did.
Now let’s take a look at the first client’s experience.
From suicide to stage
The first client I’m going to call Kevin. Kevin’s been a client more than four years. About three years in, he let his ego get the best of him and quit the practice in anger. He thought he could do the practice better without a guide. And while some can, most people cannot. Which explains why so many who try to prove to themselves “wishful thinking” doesn’t work, get that result. Guidance from someone who knows how it works is essential.
(Above) “Kevin” realizing having guidance is essential. (Below) Kevin reacting to a session we had shortly after his return. This practice is powerful. It puts us in the driver’s seat of our lives better than anything I know.
When he first came to me, he struggled with suicidal ideation. That came from interpreting his childhood experiences in really negative ways, ways that had him hating himself. It didn’t help that he also felt extremely negative about being attracted to trans women. Both sets of beliefs and more caused all kinds of follow-on life experiences reflecting back to him his self-loathing. So much so, Kevin wanted to end it all.
It’s all projection
I know many trans women have similar stories…not about trans-attraction, but about themselves. Maybe even trans-attraction, which is why so many readily call guys like Kevin and me “chasers”.
It’s important to stress that when someone attacks you verbally or otherwise, it’s always about them. Not you. Their attack is a projection of what’s going on in them, directed at you. They do that because they can’t bear to accept what’s happening inside them.
When a trans woman calls a guy a chaser, for example, that’s her projecting. After all, there’s no way a guy could find a trans woman attractive. That’s a thought such women harbor and is a reflection of their own self-dissatisfaction or self-loathing. So they create for themselves situations in which their thoughts get projected into their reality.
Like all trans women and trans-attracted men, Kevin came into the world to express leading edge human experience. His particular expression is on-stage performance as well as his trans attraction. When he’s thinking about being on stage, he feels alive and invigorated. But his disempowering beliefs about his past and his doubling-down on negative interpretations of the follow-on life experiences had him indulging in drinking, whoring, pornography and angrily confronting and blaming friends and family until he found himself pretty much alone. In other words, he was doing a lot of projecting.
All that started changing in the first part of our time to gather. But in the second half, Kevin was really ready. Changes came quite quick. Before long, my Broader Perspective told me he was ready to get on stage as a comedian for the first time. A little encouragement from me had him start preparing a five minute routine.
Some false starts ensued as his old negative momentum asserted itself. That happening is just part of the path. Old momentum asserting itself can act as booster rockets propelling us toward our desire. Most people don’t understand this though, so when old momentum asserts itself, most people will double-down on that, thus creating futures consistent with that old momentum.
For example, Kevin worried what people would think about his comedy. His comedy largely entails talking about his trans-attraction. He also worried about his mother’s criticism. She told him he should stop dreaming and get a real job. She also thought his talking publicly about trans women would prevent him from meeting a “real woman”. These worries had Kevin doubt his path. With some help, however, Kevin saw through all this.
So instead of collapsing into his old momentum and giving up on his dream, Kevin leaned in. By our next session, he read me a two minute version of his first routine and….OMG…it was spectacular! It was funny, insightful, and relevant. Most of all it was hilarious. But what was really remarkable was how Kevin’s demeanor shifted as he read the routine. He became a totally different person! He was invigorated, excited and animated. His confidence poured out of him. After reading the routine, he couldn’t stand still. He paced around his apartment full of himself.
This is exactly what it feels like being in tune with our Broader Perspective. We are literally so full of ourselves, sitting still is impossible. We want to move, express, revel and bask. That’s what Kevin did the rest of our session.
Everything is possible for everyone
In the days that followed, Kevin sent me texts about how high-flying he was. It was a remarkable shift between how he expressed himself before. Instead of spending hours at the bar or watching porn as he used to, Kevin literally poured himself into his comedy routine, extending it to five minutes. The more he worked on it, the more confident he got. Here are some texts offering progress reports:
Kevin raving about his routine.
Kevin is for sure on the path to his deepest desire. And his artistic expression shows it. But even more evident is how he’s feeling. There’s nothing better than the feeling of joy and empowerment. They are the pinnacle of what’s possible for humans. From there, everything is possible.
I’m stoked at what Kevin has done. He’s literally gone from wanting to kill himself, to now being eager to get on stage and deliver his routine. I know he’s going to knock them dead…figuratively speaking of course!
Remember, none of this is special. Kevin’s experience can be anyone’s. It is everyone’s experience, even for those wanting to kill themselves. That’s because the Universe is ALWAYS reflecting back to us what we’re creating. And it’s “wishful thinking” that gets that ball rolling.
“Wishful thinking” is the best justice
A transgender reader of my stories once said this “you create your reality” business is totally unjust. They couldn’t understand how people could experience such pain and struggle she sees around her, while I’m claiming they’re creating their experience. I told her nothing is more just than getting exactly what we’re emanating. And when we tune our emanations such that they match our desires, we get lives full of that – our desires. Nothing can be more just than that.
People just need to realize they’re at the center of their lives, creating it as they go along, either by default or deliberately. Most are doing it by default. But everyone can do it deliberately.
Next week, we’ll look at another awesome story of another client, this one also an artist, who used “wishful thinking” in a way that the Universe delighted him.
In the meantime consider rethinking what “wishful thinking” means for you. Doing so could create a life you once thought impossible.
Because everything is possible for every one of us. Including you.
TL;DR: The author asserts a balancing effect taking place on Earth is prompting fear, insecurity and powerlessness among its human inhabitants. They therefore call on people to embrace positivity as a way of balancing forces creating chaos at this auspicious time in humanity’s unfolding.This post is simultaneously being printed here and from our Positively Focused blog because of its importance.
It’s Sunday morning, July 14. I just finished a two-hour meditation. I don’t typically meditate that long each morning.
But this morning I considered special. That’s because yesterday, someone tried to assassinate former president and 2024 presidential candidate Donald Trump. Dreams over the last few nights proved consistent with this manifestation. They’ve been quite “dense”, “detailed” and featured experiences indicating the need to soothe great upheavals or transformations.
I’m not a clairvoyant. There is something, however, about coming into the world at just the right time that my vibrational awareness builds at the same time this country goes through what it’s going through right now.
But the United States is not going through it alone. A pendulum is swinging, once again, between light forces and something else all across the globe. That’s important to know. And for people like me, it’s important we do something. Better said: it’s important we “be” something.
Let’s take a look at why and what that is we should do.
This is not new
It’s interesting that in the last week I wondered what I would write about. No clear inspiration came over these days. Feeling no inspiration, I felt no worry. I knew something would show itself.
So yesterday, I took a nap. I woke an hour later, opened YouTube to watch something entertaining and saw the news, in near-real time, of the assassination attempt. News reporters claimed this was an uncommon thing in the United States. I didn’t know if they meant a political assassination or gun violence. I figured the former.
But plenty examples exist of political assassination attempts and successes in the United States. They start with Lincoln and go all the way up to the attempt on Reagan’s life, with a smattering of others in between, including JFK’s assassination.
This is not new. Nor is it uncommon.
What’s really interesting, however, is what these violent acts point to. People are scared. People “on both sides.” It’s interesting the assassin was a paradox of political action. He was a registered republican, but donated to a democratic PAC. So it’s unclear right now what his motives were.
That’s not surprising.
Artist’s rendition of the assassination of President Lincoln in 1865. (By Adam Cuerden)
Ambiguity is no surprise
It’s not surprising to me because it really doesn’t matter. From a vibrational standpoint, in order for someone to resort to gun violence, they must feel extreme powerlessness, intense fear or some other extreme negative emotion in order for them to take such violent action.
A lot of people are at that point around politics these days. Both presidential candidates are triggering such people. Many people are feeling fear and insecurity about America’s future too. Especially because one candidate openly intends to turn the country into an Authoritarian State. And he has an army of people getting ready should he be the electoral victor.
For some that IS scary. So I’m not surprised someone would act the way the shooter had. And I won’t be surprised if it happens again. Here’s why.
Rage is logical
A client with a lot of the Positively Focused practice under her belt, recently wanted to confront an ex-boyfriend at gunpoint. This guy had secretly installed cameras throughout her house when he had a sense she was going to break up with him. Those cameras captured the client having sex with her new boyfriend among other very personal situations.
This ex was and is in extreme insecurity, grief, despair and feeling powerless around the client’s decision to break up with him. His surveillance plan apparently was to try to figure out what the client would do after the fourth time she discovered him consuming porn; something he promised to stop consuming.
One of the many girlfriends he was cheating on the client with contacted the client one day after she broke up with him and told her what he’d done. The guy for some reason showed the girl footage of the client having sex with her boyfriend. The client, who has deep shame and insecurity herself around her body, sex and privacy, reacted as anyone feeling this way might: she wanted to demand that he give up the recordings…at gunpoint.
Powerlessness is a very dangerous vibration. No one likes feeling bad and powerlessness is the epitome of that. Everyone will try to get out of such feelings. And usually, that means taking extreme action. Even violence.
Believe it or not, rage feels better than powerlessness. Which is why those who feel powerless or extremely insecure, often become violent. The action, such as trying to kill a presidential hopeful, may seem irrational to those not feeling what the killer is feeling. But for the killer, it’s a very logical next step.
A balance in the force?
Whether you’re a head of state feeling powerless over the loss of your country’s stature (Putin), a guy feeling powerless to avert the loss of a girlfriend, or a kid feeling powerless over…whatever…resorting to violence feels better than feeling powerless. And that’s why we’re seeing so much of it in the world.
Authoritarianism is on the rise planet-wide. Putin now has his version of NATO, with China and North Korea agreeing to join forces with Putin if Russia is attacked. France just narrowly averted a right-wing takeover of its government. Germany recently foiled a planned coup lead by right wingers.
The good news is, this very strong global trend where authoritarians are trying to wrest control over societies makes this a very interesting time to be alive. That causes beings from nonphysical to want to be here, both to experience it, and also to shape it.
Balance is the order of the day in All That Is. So we can expect these extreme events foretell a balancing that is about to occur. One that is occurring.
A balancing is taking place on Earth. What side are you weighing in on? (Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash)
A positive appeal
I wrote years ago for another blog I own that things are going to get worse before they get better. I wasn’t kidding. It’s happening at the global level. It’s happening at the individual level, for some. And it’s happening everywhere in between.
Meanwhile a lot of good is happening too. Mexico just elected its first Woman president who happens to be a liberal. The UK’s liberal party just wrested power from a decades-long conservative rule. I think we’re going to see the paradox that is physical reality bring more such surprises. The key is for all of us to be as positive as we can as all this unfolds.
It’s important people sensitive to vibration cultivate a high state of fast moving, positive frequencies. This means being as positive as possible about what’s happening. Abraham nails it when they say one person tuned in is more powerful than millions who are not. And more than one person tuned in represents an unstoppable force.
The world is unfolding. How that happens, what it looks like, matters to us all. Some came for the chaos. Others came to balance that. More than ever, the world needs the balancers. If you’re reading this, you may be one of those people.
Everything is always working out. Even when it looks like it’s not. Be the change you want to see; speak less, be more. Focus on the outcome you desire, the ones that make you feel good. What you resist, persists. These statements aren’t just pablum, they’re fact. Now is the time and the balance needs you.
I usually write posts about extraordinary results my Transamorous Network clients get. Today, I’m writing about my results. They’re pretty freaking cool. And they show how easy it is to meet our matches, whether we’re trans or trans-attracted.
That’s right, much like Hair Club For Men founder Sy Sperling, I’m not only the founder of The Transamorous Network, I’m also a client. In other words, I practice what I preach. The same things I tell clients to do in their lives, I do in mine.
Sometimes someone will ask me “if your approach works so well, how come you’re not in a relationship?”
The answer is complicated.
I’m in the process of my own self-discovery. That’s my priority. I am exploring my own gender expression among other things. A lot of “me” is under construction therefore. Yes, I’m 100 percent exclusive about being with a transgender woman. But I wasn’t clear what specifics I wanted in a partner yet. Because I’m not clear about me.
But then, Muriel happened (I’ve changed her name and some details to protect her privacy). That’s right. She came into my life unexpectedly. And, over time, I’ve developed a fascinating attraction to her. More on that later.
What’s important now is how this happened. I didn’t do ANY of the things others do to find their partner. I didn’t go to bars. Nor did I join a dating site. She literally came to me. That’s exactly how I promise my clients their partners will show up: with no effort on their part. I just kept telling positive stories. And then Muriel showed up.
She wasn’t the only one
I wasn’t out looking for transgender girlfriend. Still, I would regularly come across them in town. Every so often, transgender women would hit on me too. That’s because I’m open and authentic about who I am. I embrace all of me, especially my transamory. Which is why the Universe brings me trans women all the time. That tells me I have my stories right.
Over the years, several transgender women have been so bold as to call my cell. Out of the blue, I’d get a call. I love it when transgender women are bold like that. I know when they are like that, there must be something about them that resonates with who I’m being. So when that has happened, I’ve reveled in the rendezvous no matter what happens after that call.
Not every transgender woman who reaches out is my type. But instead of focusing on that, I always reveled in those who were matches. So it isn’t a surprise to me that I eventually came across someone like Muriel. Someone who is, for the moment, a perfect match to my constantly refining desire.
Chasing is the hard way guys and gals
How many of you men have tried to get a trans girl’s attention, in a bar or online, and been ignored or ghosted? I know you’ve had that experience. I’ve had it too, when I was doing what some of you do. That experience sucks. Especially when some transgender women hold preconceived notions that all of us are fetishizers out for lustful satisfaction only.
When you’re out in a bar or online somewhere, it’s not easy to weed out those kinds of transgender women from the ones you want. You want trans women who want to be with you because they appreciate who you are. That’s why I tell my clients stop doing what every other guy (or trans girl) does. Instead, do something different: let the Universe bring the girl/guy to you!
Many guys think that’s crazy talk. They think it won’t work. Even some trans girls think that way. Maybe you think that way. Not my clients though. It takes convincing at first. But in time, life shows them how easy finding love can be.
Think I’m bullshitting? How do you explain these high quality girls, both of whom reached out to me recently. Both did so on their own initiative, with me not having any idea they were out there:
A high quality transgender woman expressing her affection…And here’s another!
These are just two of the many transgender women who have reached out to me recently. Since starting The Transamorous Network, I’ve been approached my many more, through my blog and in person. But enough of that. Now, I want to lavish thoughts about Muriel, the girl I find myself fascinatingly attracted to.
An wonderful connection
She responded to a blog post I wrote earlier this year. Muriel and I see the world similarly. So I appreciated her perspective. I sent her an admiring reply. She replied with thanks. I don’t think either one of us had romantic intentions.
But the more I read some of her posts, including those on Facebook, the more I realized Muriel was really, really smart. I don’t remember who initiated, but we became Facebook friends. From there, getting to know one another accelerated.
Now, besides being super, wicked smart, Muriel also looks great. At least I think so. I especially like that she proudly owns being a “woman with a dick”, as she puts it, which I think is the epitome of what it means to be trans. She doesn’t try to be a cis-woman. She’s proud that she’s trans. And I love that about her. I also like that she’s close to my age. And that she recognizes me as a staunch ally of transgender women, which I am, of course!
When Muriel first sent me racy pictures, I was surprised. I didn’t ask for them, but I did welcome them. Muriel responded with more, increasingly revealing photos. Along with them, we had wonderfully intimate and revealing conversations around sexuality, gender expression, what we like to do in bed and more. I love her self-assuredness. And I’m happy she trusts me.
Muriel also is married and has a child. Her relationship is open, though, which is perfect for me because at the moment, I prefer focusing on my self development. Still, I look forward to seeing Muriel in person. In the meantime, I love who she is. And I enjoy time with her.
The Transamorous Network approach works
My life shows me in so many ways that what I show my clients works. I’m producing the same results they get on the subject of relationship. But that’s not all. I also see other parts of my life proving this stuff I share works.
I’ve said this before: The best place to meet our match is in our daily life. Not at a bar. Not online. It’s more fun too. I always ask my clients this question early on: If you had your choice, which would you prefer: Meeting your ideal match spontaneously – doing what you love – or through an online dating site or in a bar?
Every client, transgender or trans-attracted gives the same answer: it’s just more fun meeting your match in that lovely, spontaneous way. The same way the Universe will give us everything else we want. But to have those experiences, we gotta tell the right stories so we become matches to what we want.
Then we won’t have to go out looking for our partner. She (or he, or they) will come to us. In the same way my clients experience it. And now, in the same way I have.
Here’s the best way to love transgender women and trans-attracted men want: when we enjoy our journey to it. Then, we’re not so focused on the end result.
Not focused on the end result is critical. That’s because while we think we’re focusing on the end, we’re usually focused on not having it. We’re focused on how long it’s taking, for example. Or we’re focused on how sad, or impatient we are. Then we feel yucky.
Yukiness, impatience and sadness tells us something. Something we need to know to get what we want. Without knowing this, the journey is rough. And in some cases, we may never get the end result.
It’s trite…for a reason
The idiomatic expression is both trite and spot on: it’s the journey, not the destination. The more we focus on the end, the more difficult the journey gets. The longer it takes to get to the end too. But focused on pleasure we’re having in the moment, and not thinking at all about the end, the journey gets sweeter. And then, when we get to the end, we are surprised at how quickly it happened.
We can focus on the end, but we must do so in a way that generates good feelings. Any time we’re feeling bad, that emotion tells us something important.
Again, the funny thing about idiomatic expressions such as “it’s the journey, not the destination” is that they are idiomatic expressions for a reason. The reason is, they are often true.
“Time flies when we’re having fun“ is another accurate, idiomatic expression. And it applies right alongside “it’s about the journey not the destination”. When we are enjoying the journey, we are enjoying the journey. We’re not focused on the ends. So, repeating myself: when the ends come, we are delighted. And how fast it all happened surprises us too.
The journey doesn’t have to be drudgery. And when it’s not, everything we want happens faster. (Photo by Fun J on Unsplash )
It’s never about the end anyway
This is hard to accept: notice that, often, when people finally end up in a relationship, the relationship becomes a drama-filled torture chamber. It isn’t very long before stories both people have about relationships, people, themselves, etc., start creating unpleasant experiences.
And the more focused on that displeasure – by thinking about it, complaining to their partner, or their friends, about it – the more of those experiences the relationship offers. Before long, both parties are wondering why the hell they got into the relationship in the first place! And at least one of them, if not both of them, is happy when it’s over!
So, can you see how focusing on the outcome often brings about an unpleasant version of that? If, instead, we focuses on the journey, we’re already is pleased. In that pleasurable feeling, we can only match up with people who feel similarly. That is, if we’ve done the work of cultivating positive stories, and culling negative ones.
This is why it seems like it takes longer for Transamorous Network clients to find partners. They are busy culling old stories as they enjoy the journey to their dream relationships. Not drama-filled torture chambers! And along the way, they’re enjoying the journey.
Someone who influenced me telling it as I know it.
Doing what everyone else is doing
Most people are doing what other people are doing in order to find their partners. They are suffering through online dating. They go to dating meet ups or hang out in bars. In other words, they’re trying to find love they want through their action.
Meanwhile, their stories are creating experiences they’re having well before any of their action can influence what’s happening. Sure, they may have dates. They may even have fun on those dates. But as I have written above, those dates typically don’t last very long. And many of them end up drama-filled torture chambers.
So, to get what we want, and enjoy getting it, we must do what others aren’t doing. It’s not easy at first. It takes practice. But like everything worthwhile, that practice develops into habit. Then it’s just second nature. It’s just who we are. Then, not only do we get love we want, we also get everything else. Life becomes the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.
Think of that: if we’re joyful, loving life, pleased with our lives and having fun, what kind of person are we more likely to meet? Aren’t we more likely to meet someone who is equally in that space?
I’m making the argument here for a different way of creating relationship. By enjoying the journey, and taking our minds off the result, the journey becomes more fun, and by default, so must the relationship that results.
Getting love we want can be fun and easy. (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)
It’s worth it
My clients attest to how practical and satisfying this approach is. They come to enjoy the journey. And in enjoying the journey, they discover things about themselves they also enjoy. Besides, the best relationship to enjoy is the relationship with ourselves. And when we love ourselves, we can’t help but meet people who express that kind of love also.
Repeating myself again: it takes practice getting there. But on the way “there” we’re having fun. We’re finding joy in ourselves. We’re discovering we don’t need a partner.
Then we discover something really miraculous: when we realize we don’t need a partner, the partner shows up. That’s because, “need“ sends out repulsive energy. Neediness is a repellent. Everyone knows this instinctively. Neediness is not a strong foundation for relationship either.
So if we’re needy, and if we’re impatient, or not enjoying our journey to our relationship, then we’re emanating something working against our desire to have one. At least one we’ll like.
