Many trans-attracted men and transgender women have a hard time with this because it sounds so unbelievably “absurd”. And yet, there’s ample evidence supporting the notion. The notion that the fastest way to a better life, whether it’s finding a partner, having family accept us or finding more freedom in society, comes from first accepting how life is now.
Now, some transgender women who come to this story will push hard against this. Their experience seemingly shows them the best way to change a life situation is to push against it, resist it, protest about it.
But one of life’s many paradoxes is, it is the accepting of what is that makes change happen faster. And, in every case where change happens, that’s what makes it happen. Even when it looks like that’s not happening.
An old client of mine found this to be the case. After a l-o-n-g period of her family disowning her, she recently IM’d me with delightful news:
Make peace release resistance
Persistent negative experiences, especially involving other people, remain persistent because we focus on trying to change the experience. But the problem with changing the experience involves why we want to do that. Typically, humans want change because they don’t like what they have. Trans-attracted men feel shame about their trans-attraction, for example. They don’t want to feel that awful emotion. So they try changing what they are.
But if they make peace with their trans-attraction, “shame” gets replaced with “being ok with what is.” That making peace eliminates one’s focus on the unwanted experience. Eventually “being ok” allows the person to explore their bogus stories about trans-attraction. Stories like “I must be gay” or, “my family will disown me”, under dispassionate scrutiny can then turn into more empowering stories.
In the absence of resistance, change will show up. Especially when the person focuses on what they want, while being ok with what they have.
That’s part of the practice I share with my clients. As simple as it seems, it has powerful, enduring force. Force born of what creates and maintains the Universe.
The same goes with transgender women. If we want love from men, love that looks like what we want, we must stop looking at experiences that don’t match that. We also need to stop complaining about those experiences. Complaining is focus. Negative focus. Negative focus amplifies that which we complain about. Since the Universe gives us what we focus on, not what we want, the Universe in this situation will give us more to complain about.
But when we come to peace with experiences we’re having and revel in the reality that we’re creating those experiences, we embrace our power. And there, future experiences MUST look different. Especially if we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t.
We must stop complaining. Focus on what we want instead. Appreciate, or at the very least, accept what we have. For the change we want can’t happen so long as we resist what we have.
Having trouble not complaining? Give me a shoutout. I can help!