Transphobias: Better Left In The Great White North

Photo by Denis Linine on Unsplash

If you’re transgender or trans-attracted, it’s better to think about all the great things about being trans and the great things about being trans-attracted, than thinking about other people’s transphobic opinions about who or what you are. At The Transamorous Network we encourage becoming oblivious to why people say and do things.

Unless you can tell positive stories about them.

That’s why we ignore when a trans woman thinks she knows better about where we’re coming from than we do, and criticizes or demeans what we share. What others think is none of our business 🤣.

A recent client experience shows why doing what we do acts in your best interest.

Coming to grips with her likes

She visited a local drive up coffee kiosk for a java infusion. It’s something she loves doing. Icing on that coffee cake is the beefcake who works there. My client crushes on him every time she sees his hunkiness.

He’s not her only crush. She talks with several men at a time. Her fortune meeting men shows her she’s getting everything she wants. It’s a case in point for trans women: tell the right stories and everything you want – including men – appear.

I think she’s having a great time with all the guy she’s talking with. The most recent guy she spoke with, however, told her dating transgender women scares him. Hearing this, my client expressed feeling two ways about it.

In the first way, she wants to console the guy and his insecurity. But in the second way, she wants nothing to do with it.

Give the finger to other’s opinion. They don’t matter, so you shouldn’t mind.

“I don’t want to have to help a guy come to grips with what he likes,” she said.

Match what you want

That’s when I explained how what he said reflected back to her what she’s thinking about the same topic.

“Huh?” she asked.

“The reason you’re meeting guys who are afraid of dating you is because you still aren’t sure you’re datable,” I told her. “That’s what the Universe is showing you by matching you with this guy. Your dates always match your stories.”

My client has enough of The Transamorous Network’s approach under her belt to get the truth of those words. Every trans woman meets people who match what she’s putting out. If she doesn’t like who she’s meeting, complaining about who’s she’s meeting is the worst thing she can do.

Instead, we recommend becoming a match to the kinds of men you want to date. How? Tell stories about everything that match what you want. Everything. That includes those guys you meet you’d rather not meet.

Doing so requires serious, honest assessment of stories you tell. Especially stories about men…and stories about yourself. Some trans women think they’ve got their thoughts in the right place. Usually, that’s not the case. It’s easy thinking you’re clear, when, really, you’re not. Like this client explains:

A trans woman acknowledges something nearly all trans women (and everyone else) won’t: she really didn’t understand what was going on in her head, until she got a real good look.

Same goes for you trans-attracted men. Figure out your stories, change them and the trans girl you want is yours.

Let’s return to my client’s story.

Back to the coffee kiosk

The hunky dude walking up and down line of cars had what my client interpreted as a “transphobic reaction” to her. She said when he saw her, he looked at her “strange” and kept looking back at her while taking others’ orders.

We talked about this from the perspective of “other people’s opinions aren’t my business“, and why that is. Most people move through the world from places of insecurity, fear, pessimism and negativity. Why on earth would my client want a piece of that????

Instead I asked my client if she could think of alternative stories which would make the hunk’s reaction less personal, or even personally favorable.

It took her a while. But after a little cajoling, she came to some good ones:

  • His behavior has nothing to do with me
  • He’s never seen a trans woman before and is curious, not negative
  • Maybe he’s trans-attracted and didn’t know it until now!
  • Maybe he finds me attractive!

It doesn’t matter whether these stories are true or not. How they made my client feel meant everything.

Why?

Because how she feels tells her something important. So these stories were very good for her. I knew this because her countenance totally changed after telling them. That meant she was headed in a totally different direction than before.

Stories create the world. And everyone’s telling stories all the time, including you. So why not create the best worlds? How? Tell the best feeling stories.

Leave them in the cold

How this guy reacted to seeing my client had nothing to do with her and everything to do about him. But in that moment, my client observed that reaction on purpose. Even though she didn’t realize it at the time, her current beliefs showed themselves in this guy’s behavior. That was a good thing, even if she didn’t believe it at the time.

Seeing what she saw was great evidence of The Transamorous Network’s approach working. Now she knows what her stories contain. That allowed her to do something about them: create better-feeling stories.

So what started as a negative situation turned out to be a really positive one. This is why nothing ever goes wrong in the world. Everything always goes right.

Leave other people’s opinion’s alone. Especially ones inconsistent with yours. They don’t matter. The only place they belong is where they belong…in the Great White North. In other words, out in the cold. Not in your awareness.

Keep them out there and watch how much your love life improves.

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