Everyone comes into the world with world-changing perspectives. Most of us though, fall by the wayside of fulfilling that. We compromise on our dreams and the world misses out. A young trans-attracted man’s experience offers an extreme example of what happens when we compromise, and how powerful stories are.
No one comes into the world with nothing to offer. That’s especially true for trans-attracted men and transgender women. For my newest client, what he came to offer was not only his gender paradigm-busting trans-attraction, but also a desire to make people laugh.
When very young, “Jeff” knew comedy was his passion. Now at 23, he still does. But in the 23 years, Jeff talked himself into fear and dread about even thinking about stepping on stage. In that fear and dread, Jeff sees himself as a deviant, someone not only isn’t worthy of comedic success, but romantic success too.
Here’s his story.
Transgender people know
From age 10 – 12 Jeff experimented sexually with his older brother. This is more common than people think. That such experiences get kept under wraps though can generate all kinds of screwy stories about such acts. Especially since nearly everyone forgets who and what they are immediately after birth. Because of that, it’s easy drawing conclusions that are way off from what actually happens.
Jeff’s sex play with his brother was intentional, wholesome and as normal as his trans-attraction. Such experiences help clarify one’s core intentions early on. In this way, a person gets their “true north”. They discover their passions and, if followed, they will also discover all manner of successes.
Transgender people know this first hand. Many I speak with know early on they are not the gender they came into the world as. Early experimentations with women’s clothes marks for many trans-attracted men, a point where their trans-attraction journey begins. Look around. You’ll see many trans people and gender non-conforming individuals. Those who unabashedly accept who and what they are often find success, often in non-traditional ways.
Negative stories, negative life
Since all is agreed to before birth and no child is innocent, experimental behavior flows from an eternal being’s curiosity. It’s curious about life, about themselves and their relationship with reality.
We explore connections with that which we perceive is separate from us. Children explore the oneness that innately exists, but is forgotten at birth. Through imagination and play they practice with forces they know create worlds. “Oneness” is one such force. Sexual play connects children with and reminds them they are one with all that is.
But since most people – including many parents – don’t understand this, often people get the wrong ideas when children do things seemingly out of step with social and behavioral “norms”. Those people then create stories they instill in kids which knock kids off their natural trajectory.
That’s what happened to Jeff. Even though he and his brother enjoyed their play and sought it out often, Jeff still held extremely negative stories about what he did. Many he adopted from his parents, peers and his conservative surroundings. Those stories prompted others about himself. They included negative stories about his sexual preferences, about his relationship desires. He even told stories that condemned him personally.
How stories create “rejection”
All these stories led to intense self-loathing. He believed he was a deviant, a pervert, and a creep. He even believed he was a sexual predator who sexually assaulted his older brother. Even though both initiated the play on separate occasions.
All these beliefs amplified as time went on. Before long, Jeff hated himself, not only for what he had done, but also for who he was.
This is why even the idea of being on stage performing comedy, sent terror and panic through him. After all, being on stage, for Jeff, literally meant exposing who and what he (believed) he was. So Jeff had a lot he wanted to keep secret. A comedic career put him in a panic.
Think about that. Instead of feeling exhilaration and joy when thinking about his passion, Jeff instead felt shame, exposed, dread and fear.
When he thought about having a relationship he felt even worse. No one would want to be with him, if they knew what he did, he thought. No one would want to be with him if they knew what he was. It was no wonder then, that when he tried forming relationships, girls rejected (he believed) his overtures. They refused because his stories manifested as awkwardness, discomfort and relationship clumsiness.
So when they refused his advances, they confirmed who Jeff believed he was. That sunk him deeper into a hole Jeff believed he would remain forever. Living alone and unloved.
Jeff gets better
Meanwhile, he continued his sexual trajectory solo, which had him experimenting with non-traditional sexual preferences and consuming porn. Those preferences lead him to discovering his trans-attraction. As one would imagine given his background, that attraction intensely amplified his self-loathing. For now, not only was he an unloveable sexual predator, he also was attracted to “shemales”, a word he has since stopped using.
Confused and at his wits end, it was no wonder he reached out to The Transamorous Network. His desires felt so strong, he thought they must be there for a reason. Yet he couldn’t bear the emotional pain of his decidedly, powerful, unflattering stories. He needed help and he needed it fast.
After the first session, Jeff felt immensely better. A natural to telling positive stories, Jeff immediately got results The Transamorous Network guarantees everyone gets. The first thing we talked about was how normal and wholesome being trans-attracted is. Then we talked about stories, how they create reality, and why, and how to create a life where anything one wants can be. Immediate results were dramatic:
In the second session, we uncovered his repressed desire for stage performance. But he reacted to this after the session with extreme fear and anxiety. His old stories got triggered. He felt powerless amidst them, and lost all the ground we gained in the first session.
Unworthiness blocks fulfillment
Such strong negative emotion usually indicates an extremely strong desire for the thing one thinks about. That strong desire creates whole new worlds for humanity and for the individual when pursued. So it is best for everyone involved to fulfill such desires.
But since people come into the world and almost immediately become bewildered by life’s “realness”, it’s easy to develop feelings of unworthiness. Especially around deeply fulfilling desires, such as living an authentic gender or sexual orientation preference. Or fully developing and expressing an inherent talent.
Look around and you’ll see that unworthiness taints nearly everyone, leaving many, many people giving up their dreams and never living authentically. Instead they live in compromise, in unsatisfying relationships and working for others instead of living a professional passion.
Several of Jeff’s other stories exemplified this. He believed, for example, that hardly anyone succeeds at comedy, and so he couldn’t either. He felt certain his comedic content would be “too edgy” for audiences, even though he acknowledged the most successful modern day comedians owe their massive success to “edgy” content.
Even when I explained that many comedians have successful careers in many ways besides the stage, his beliefs blocked his ability to see these possibilities. Instead, he said just thinking about being a comedian was “scary”.
After soothing his resurfaced fears, we talked a little more about his trans-attraction before closing the session.
Jeff has a crisis
Between that session and the next though, Jeff sent me a text early one morning. It said he contemplated suicide, and called a suicide prevention hotline. That didn’t phase me, as I always hold the story that things always work out. I also knew this specific situation with Jeff would produce awesome opportunities, so long as Jeff could hold it together.
Right as I considered all that, my Broader Perspective suggested Jeff was “panicking” and that he’d pull through. So I held true to my knowing.
But Jeff said he considered seeing a professional therapist given his “deep trouble”. Do what he felt was best, I told him while holding (still) to the fact that all was well.
Hours later, Jeff sent another text backpedaling from the therapist route. He wanted to continue our sessions because, having calmed, he thought they were serving him. Of course, I agreed because they were serving him. Changes in Jeff were immediate after the first session. I knew he’d recover.
We then had a long conversation over text in which I clarified what happens when someone commits suicide. It’s not the big deal people make of it, I told him. I told him he’d still have the same opportunity post-suicide that he’s facing now. Nothing would be lost, I told him. Nothing or no one of any significance would judge him poorly for killing himself.
Then: a powerful inflection
Jeff felt relief from this exchange. As we together explored more empowering stories about suicide, where his emotions were coming from and why, his mood improved to the point where he said he’d cancel the therapist appointment he scheduled. He said he felt more certain sticking with The Transamorous Network. Then he sent a text that confirmed what my Broader Perspective told me:
The next two sessions were powerful inflection moments. Jeff readily took to the idea that stories create your experience. Everyone knows this deep down. But Jeff really has a talent for it, which is what got him into his initial trouble.
Some people with profound positive intent come in super clear that their stories create their reality. But like nearly everyone, for a while they too get knocked off course. Substance dependence, depression, chronic anxiety and the perceived need for “mood stabilizers” can surface if one’s trajectory isn’t recovered.
Jeff’s substance of choice was porn and weed. But what’s remarkable was what happened as he got back on track, on the trajectory he chose before finding himself in a body. In less than a couple days, Jeff found empowerment around everything we uncovered. Including what he did as a child. In fact, stories we practiced transformed both his current experiences and his past, turning his life from a terrible experience not worth living, to an extremely empowering opportunity where he can have everything he wants.
Stories create life experience
He’s not fully out of the grip of powerful momentum spawned from chronic negative story telling. But it’s evident he significantly broke the grip of what had him before (negative momentum born of extremely negative stories).
It’s a couple weeks since writing this post. Here’s the latest exchange we shared.
He still can’t talk about stage performances without triggering disempowering stories. But he is seeing remarkable relief from his chronic porn consumption. All in just two weeks and a few sessions. He’s also near-completely accepted his trans-attraction as a good thing.
Jeff’s experience shows how powerful stories are. If positive stories can bring someone from the brink of suicide, how easy can stories attract one’s ideal match?
The point of this story is not how powerful what we offer is. The point is only one thing makes someone’s life joyful. That is what one tells themselves about the life they live.
Stories also shape what happens in that life. A person can create any life they want. Once the momentum gets going in that direction, life gets really fun.
No one need live an awful life. No one need live in loneliness, or a life in which their desires go unfulfilled. Everyone comes knowing they can do, be or have whatever they want. Nearly everyone forgets that though.
The Transamorous Network exists to remind people what’s possible. Then we show people how to make what’s possible real. Ready to know how? Contact us.