Finally A Transgender Woman’s Advice Speaks Truth

Photo by Oleg Laptev on Unsplash

So many transgender women blame men for their dating experiences. I hear their complaints often through correspondence here at The Transamorous Network.

Some say men only want dick picks. Once they get sex they want, the women say, the men ghost them. Transgender women complain about how men won’t date them in public. They also complain about men who “are otherwise good men, but are “too weak” to fully own their full selves.”

Meanwhile, I must sound like a broken record. I’m sure some roll their eyes when I say “you meet these kinds of men because you’re a match to them. Change the stories about men you’re meeting and you’ll meet different men. If you don’t, you’ll keep meeting these men you revile.”

Here’s a perfect example of a typical response I get:

Well, dear transgender women readers, if you won’t listen to me, perhaps you’ll listen to a fellow transgender woman. This person is not a client. And yet what she shares is exactly what I tell my clients repeatedly.

In a story she wrote for Halloween, she acknowledged her past experiences which showed her how she perfectly matched men she met. Not only does she describe it perfectly, she also acknowledges the fact: every transgender woman creates every situation they experience.

Indeed. And that includes men they meet. Here’s the author’s own words:

“…I was…attracting the wrong kind of men. It turns out that you get what you fish for. If you use trampy bait, you will get trampy men. If you’re advertising sex, men will expect it.”

The gold is within

In other words, who we’re being, creates experiences we get. If we’re getting a certain kind of man, we’re creating him. So the solution is do something about who we’re being. Complaining about what we’re getting won’t work!

This transgender woman shares so much gold. The story is worth reading in its entirety. In it she confronts her own stories, who she was being, and in doing so, she owns having created her past experiences. Then she changes who she was being, first by examining what stories she put out in the past, then conjuring new stories about what she wanted.

Is it any wonder this transgender woman is in a relationship? Here’s some more gold:

“What I need to consider is what do I want a man to see when he does notice me? What kind of man am I interested in? That just gets me back to understanding myself. What do I like and what do I want to call into my life? Do I want to call in a seedy one-night stand or a man who is interested in some deeper part of me? In my case, I decided on the latter.”

A human being is a powerful, eternal expression of All That Is. In that expression we enjoy full free will. We can create any experience we desire. No one else does it but us.

The question remains then: when transgender women blame men for their experiences, who really is to blame? Is there really blame to assign? Or is it really the case of an eternal being (the trans woman), having chosen to come into the world as trans, figuring out the best way to joy, but getting stuck in her shoddy creations?

Those are questions every transgender woman should seriously consider.

17 Replies to “Finally A Transgender Woman’s Advice Speaks Truth”

  1. and if it’s common for people you arrogant or to say that you’re victim-shamming… that, perhaps it’s time examine why instead of only furthering to validate such claims.

    1. No. It’s not. When a person calls another something, like “arrogant” or says they’re doing something the speaker thinks they shouldn’t do, the speaker is always saying more about themselves than the person they’re speaking about. Other people’s opinions are not my business. This is a basic tenet of The Transamorous Network life approach. Your beliefs create your reality. If you think someone’s being arrogant, it just means your beliefs are being confronted so strongly you can’t stand it. So you lash out and call the person a name instead of feeling secure in yourself. That’s not my business. I know what I share and I know it transforms people’s lives.

      1. I actually remember you saying something like that to me before about reconsidering my own approach. But it is easier to lecture than it is to do

        1. I would love for you to show me where I called you arrogant, claimed you were victim shaming, then encouraged you to reconsider your approach. More likely you’re changing the past to fit your current stories. Another common thing people do. I’m happy to be proven wrong tho, so PLEASE take some time and find what you’re referring to so we can talk about it more. I’m sure something will emerge that will be illuminating for us both!

          1. Nothing anyone can say to me will shake me from what I know. Nothing can trigger me. You can call me whatever you want. You can claim I said something similar in the past that you have said. The fact is, what I offer dramatically changes the lives of transgender women, trans-attracted men and regular cis people. I have LOTS of evidence in the form of people telling me that their lives have changed significantly. So, you can say I have an “exaggerated sense of my own abilities” (that’s the definition of “arrogance”) all you want. The facts show that I’m not exaggerating. I’m telling it like it is and my clients’ lives improve because of it. That’s being factual. It’s not exaggerating.

            Now you may be triggered by what I share. You might HAVE to believe, for example, that you didn’t invite the abuse you received into your experience. But the facts are, you are responsible for creating that experience and every other experience you’re having. And for very good reasons. That’s not BLAMING you. It’s putting you in the driver’s seat of your life. But you have to choose to steer. So far, you’re not. Instead, you keep doubling down on your current beliefs, which leave you trigger-able and with the life you have. That’s not on me. That’s on you.

          2. I fail to see how a mere child can decide if he is placed in an abusive home or not. I’m curious… What would you have recommended to the hundreds of dead children in Ukraine who’ve been been massacred? Don’t be in Ukraine? Here’s a hospital that was bombed in Ukraine… I assume that you’d say something like: “well, you shouldn’t have been at that hospital”. There victims everyday dealing with situation beyond their control.

          3. I know you can’t see how. You’re not a client. You don’t have information that will give you complete control of your life, including insights into your past that change those circumstances for the better. So, instead, you double down on your beliefs through comments like this one. And no, I would never say something like that. That’s what people who don’t know say. That’s blaming. I would never say that because I don’t blame. I know. So I empower. And people’s lives are transformed.

          4. you sound a bit narcissistic. in either case–while I don’t usually back away from a fight… but, this is clearly not going anywhere. so, I can only walk away from this.

          5. You’re the only one fighting. I’m offering you empowerment. But your response is just what I expected. More name calling and no real desire for transformation. Just name calling.

  2. No one is ever in constant control of their lives. I don’t blame trans girls for dealing with shitty men (the men are responsible for themselves). But they do need to understand men a bit better. They also need to strengthen their connection to their male side to see the signs that a man only wants sex. So again, I don’t believe that they are responsible for attracted shitty men… Unless they’re doing so constantly.

    1. While YOUR experience may cause you to believe the first line of your comment, which is a story, and nothing more than that, OUR clients and I find we are in increasingly TOTAL constant control of life’s outcomes we experience. That’s the promise of what’s offered here. If that outcome weren’t happening in our clients’ lives, we’d be refunding money all over the place. But we’ve refunded NO ONE’S money. Why do you think that is?

      It’s because, despite what you said here, life CAN be under one’s constant control.

      Understand this and one begins to see how you, for example, can say what you have about trans women and it still be accurate to say they are undoubtedly attracting the men they meet. It isn’t about saying they’re to blame. That’s a common knee-jerk, defensive reaction to what we share. We’re not blaming. We’re offering everyone radical empowerment through realizing they CAN have complete control over their lives including who comes into it.

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