The WAY To Cis-Trans Love Is The Prize, Not The Love Itself.

Photo by Fun J on Unsplash

Here’s the best way to love transgender women and trans-attracted men want: when we enjoy our journey to it. Then, we’re not so focused on the end result.

Not focused on the end result is critical. That’s because while we think we’re focusing on the end, we’re usually focused on not having it. We’re focused on how long it’s taking, for example. Or we’re focused on how sad, or impatient we are. Then we feel yucky.

Yukiness, impatience and sadness tells us something. Something we need to know to get what we want. Without knowing this, the journey is rough. And in some cases, we may never get the end result.

It’s trite…for a reason

The idiomatic expression is both trite and spot on: it’s the journey, not the destination. The more we focus on the end, the more difficult the journey gets. The longer it takes to get to the end too. But focused on pleasure we’re having in the moment, and not thinking at all about the end, the journey gets sweeter. And then, when we get to the end, we are surprised at how quickly it happened.

We can focus on the end, but we must do so in a way that generates good feelings. Any time we’re feeling bad, that emotion tells us something important.

Again, the funny thing about idiomatic expressions such as “it’s the journey, not the destination” is that they are idiomatic expressions for a reason. The reason is, they are often true.

“Time flies when we’re having fun“ is another accurate, idiomatic expression. And it applies right alongside “it’s about the journey not the destination”. When we are enjoying the journey, we are enjoying the journey. We’re not focused on the ends. So, repeating myself: when the ends come, we are delighted. And how fast it all happened surprises us too.

The journey doesn’t have to be drudgery. And when it’s not, everything we want happens faster. (Photo by Fun J on Unsplash )

It’s never about the end anyway

This is hard to accept: notice that, often, when people finally end up in a relationship, the relationship becomes a drama-filled torture chamber. It isn’t very long before stories both people have about relationships, people, themselves, etc., start creating unpleasant experiences.

And the more focused on that displeasure – by thinking about it, complaining to their partner, or their friends, about it – the more of those experiences the relationship offers. Before long, both parties are wondering why the hell they got into the relationship in the first place! And at least one of them, if not both of them, is happy when it’s over!

So, can you see how focusing on the outcome often brings about an unpleasant version of that? If, instead, we focuses on the journey, we’re already is pleased. In that pleasurable feeling, we can only match up with people who feel similarly. That is, if we’ve done the work of cultivating positive stories, and culling negative ones.

This is why it seems like it takes longer for Transamorous Network clients to find partners. They are busy culling old stories as they enjoy the journey to their dream relationships. Not drama-filled torture chambers! And along the way, they’re enjoying the journey.

Someone who influenced me telling it as I know it.

Doing what everyone else is doing

Most people are doing what other people are doing in order to find their partners. They are suffering through online dating. They go to dating meet ups or hang out in bars. In other words, they’re trying to find love they want through their action.

Meanwhile, their stories are creating experiences they’re having well before any of their action can influence what’s happening. Sure, they may have dates. They may even have fun on those dates. But as I have written above, those dates typically don’t last very long. And many of them end up drama-filled torture chambers.

So, to get what we want, and enjoy getting it, we must do what others aren’t doing. It’s not easy at first. It takes practice. But like everything worthwhile, that practice develops into habit. Then it’s just second nature. It’s just who we are. Then, not only do we get love we want, we also get everything else. Life becomes the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.

Think of that: if we’re joyful, loving life, pleased with our lives and having fun, what kind of person are we more likely to meet? Aren’t we more likely to meet someone who is equally in that space?

I’m making the argument here for a different way of creating relationship. By enjoying the journey, and taking our minds off the result, the journey becomes more fun, and by default, so must the relationship that results.

Getting love we want can be fun and easy. (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)

It’s worth it

My clients attest to how practical and satisfying this approach is. They come to enjoy the journey. And in enjoying the journey, they discover things about themselves they also enjoy. Besides, the best relationship to enjoy is the relationship with ourselves. And when we love ourselves, we can’t help but meet people who express that kind of love also.

Repeating myself again: it takes practice getting there. But on the way “there” we’re having fun. We’re finding joy in ourselves. We’re discovering we don’t need a partner.

Then we discover something really miraculous: when we realize we don’t need a partner, the partner shows up. That’s because, “need“ sends out repulsive energy. Neediness is a repellent. Everyone knows this instinctively. Neediness is not a strong foundation for relationship either.

So if we’re needy, and if we’re impatient, or not enjoying our journey to our relationship, then we’re emanating something working against our desire to have one. At least one we’ll like.

Let’s do something about that neediness. Then let’s get that relationship you want, by first, discovering the joy of the journey. Contact me. Let’s talk.

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