Trans-Attracted Men: Your Struggle Is On You

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

Sometimes I get great responses from transgender women. More and more transgender women who get it write me. I like that. They confirm what I already know. When they do that, I know they are amplifying their own awareness. Including their awareness of the reality of trans-attracted men.

These are the kinds of transgender women I want to surround myself with. Women who are articulate, insightful and intelligent. Transgender women who are not consumed by self-loathing. Self-loathing that they then project onto trans-attracted men. I like interacting with transgender women who are a match to me. Like the woman who wrote me recently. It’s so refreshing when that happens.

By the way, doing what I’m doing here makes it more likely that I meet more such women. While I talk about what I want I get more of what I want. It also represents a basic, essential practice of “stories create your reality“. I’m telling stories about what I want. Doing so, I’m becoming more a match to what I want. And in becoming more of a match, I’m meeting more of the kinds of transgender women I want to acquaint myself with.

I love it when my life proves what I tell my clients. Meanwhile, my clients increasingly discover how effective telling positive stores is too.

It’s not easy at first. But after some practice, they get good at it. Then anything becomes possible.

One transgender woman to another

A regular reader of my articles on a social media website recently shared her perspective. Her perspective didn’t surprise me because this transgender women is brilliant AF. It doesn’t surprise me she also happens to be an artist. Artists have built-in connection with the wisdom of All That Is. In other words, they can access more readily, wisdom at the center of All That Is and express it as art. That’s why they create art.

Being transgender AND an artist is a major gift this woman gives to herself. I don’t know if she realizes how special she is, but I realize it. This is why when she shared her view, it didn’t surprise me. But what she wrote was so accurate, I had to share it.

Here’s the article she responded to. In it I raved about a telephone conversation I enjoyed with a trans-attracted guy. He reached out to me after looking at The Transamorous Network’s instagram profile. The guy inspired me so much I just had to share details of who he was. I’m glad I did. What I got in return was gold.

It’s up to you men

Genivieve began her response with a well-deserved critique on transgender women’s perspective on men:

“To be upset about being fetishized is to misunderstand men. Men objectify everything they desire. It’s not just Trans women. Cis women are equally objectified if not more so. It’s the way men fixate on their prey so to speak. It’s generally something they discovered earlier in life as they are first becoming a sexual being. Like being imprinted, it remains for life as their primary attraction.”

Imagine if more transgender women understood this. Hell, it would be great if Cis women understood this! It would take a lot of sting out of being objectified. Objectification needn’t be a triggering event. And it isn’t, when the person being objectified doesn’t tell stories about it that personalize it. That’s a more empowering way of looking at it anyway. Because when a man objectifies, it’s not personal! Well, it’s personal for him. But that’s all.

Like Genivieve says, men objectify pretty much everything they want. Not just women. They objectify cars, money, certain occupations. Again, it’s not personal. It’s just a process men use.

But — and here’s the kicker — men aren’t the only ones doing this. Women do it too. As offended as they get about it, women objectify men as well. They do the same to women sometimes. They even do it to themselves. Maybe not as much or as overtly as men. But that may be because society conditions women to conceal their very natural objectifying tendencies. If that conditioning weren’t there, my guess is women would take men’s objectifications less personally. And they’d be more transparent about when they objectify others.

But that’s another story.

The struggle of not taking objectification personally is a struggle. But it doesn’t need to be.

It’s on you men

Later in her comment, Genivieve gets to the heart of the matter. I love this because she pulls no punches. Nor need she. The bolded parts are made here for emphasis:

“The key with all men is to understand and allow them what they crave. If you want to keep a man’s interest, you must first be what he is actually attracted to. The social struggle for Trans-attracted men is the difficult part. That work is on them. Once we all can openly embrace who and what we are, we can live more simply and happily with someone that we can love completely.”

Hear, hear Genivieve! Indeed, trans-attracted men, your path is laid out before you. It’s on you to figure it out. No one’s going to do that for you. The thing is though, you took on this task yourself before you came into a body. So you’re up to the difficulty.

In fact, when you decided to come into the world as trans-attracted, you didn’t see it as going to be hard. You saw it as the great opportunity that it is. The opportunity to live in a new way. A new way that would help nudge humanity towards greater diversity, openness and expansion. And you knew you would be better because of the journey. The same is true for every transgender woman.

The crux of the matter

And this is why trans-attracted men and transgender women have the potential to be perfect mutual matches. That they often come together amidst all kinds of drama, blame, anger and frustration is the flip side of that mutual match potential.

And this is why I do what I do for both transgender women and trans-attracted men. So much potential for love exists between these two groups. If only both sides can get over their disempowering stories, then approach one another from understanding born of realization. I write these articles to nudge both sides to that realization.

It happens one person at a time. When it does, the sparks of love shine and everything becomes possible. Everything becoming possible first starts with you loving yourself. Or as Gen puts it: “openly embrac[ing] who and what we are”.

Trans or trans-attracted you’re meant to enjoy everything you desire. But as Gen says, it’s on you to get to that enjoyment. If you’re ready, I can help.

By the way, if you want to follow Genivieve on Medium, be my guest!

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