How To Overcome The One Thing Creating Sucky Lives, Trans or Trans-attracted

Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

A common experience among newer Transamorous Network clients is “split energy”. Here’s why resolving split energy is not only important, it can be a joyful process and create a life worth loving.

But first, let’s look at what split energy is, why it happens and why so many transgender and trans-attracted people don’t know about split energy and thus struggle with it.

What is split energy?

Split energy happens when belief and desire conflict with one another. It can also happen when a person stands in two different, opposite stories at the same time.

For example, a trans-attracted man might want a transwoman as a partner. That’s a story creating certain desires and impulses. But that same man might have a story saying transgender women are actually men, or, that being attracted to transgender women makes him gay.

He might also believe (a belief is a story) that giving up his marriage (to a cisgender woman) in order to be with a transgender woman would be too great a burden to bear.

Split energy means having a foot in two different camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash) The Transamorous Network
Split energy means having a foot in two different story camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash)

One client, for example, believes transgender women are not serious about having a serious monogamous relationship, so he only meets transgender women matching that story. Meanwhile, he believes his wife can’t live without him and if he divorces her, she’ll fall apart. It’s no wonder he feels anxiety, stress and indecision about his trans-attraction, born of split energies of wanting a transgender woman, believing they’re just fantasies, and needing to stay with his wife.

Those examples show how a man might have split energy. What split energy might a transgender woman have?

She might have a story that she wants to be with a man, yet believes all men who desire her are perverts, scum, or “chasers”. Or she might have the story that she can’t get a job because she’s trans, but also wants a job. So the men she meets are perverts and scum, and she remains unemployed, struggling and alone.

It should be obvious split energy also happens when someone has a desire they don’t believe is fulfillable. They don’t think their desire can happen. Desire existing alongside disbelief creates split energy too.

Why it’s a struggle

Many people struggle with split energy while not knowing they’re struggling. They think negative emotions indicating split energy – confusion, feeling uncertain, anxiety, insecurity and more – are just part of life.

But life is supposed to be fun, easy and filled with desires that fulfill themselves. Actually, that’s what’s happening all the time, even for someone with split energy.

But a person with split energy creates over and over, the reality containing and reflecting back to them, the combination of their split energy. That’s why nothing seems to change for the person, or why things change, but often stay the same or get worse.

In other words, life SUCKS when split energy dominates.

It’s more common than you think

Many popular communities generate split energy situations. Religions are a major culprit. Religions as sometimes practiced, contradict beliefs that are normal, wholesome and good. But some people in these organizations, especially trans-attracted and transgender people, but not only such people, create split energy when their natural, normal, wholesome desires contradict religious doctrine.

My clients who are Christian or Jewish struggle with stories taken from their religion. Their religious upbringing keeps them feeling unworthy, fearful, in shame, and in self reproach because religious teachings do not allow or agree that certain desires are natural, normal, wholesome and good.

The Transamorous Network
A major source of split energy are religions combined with an authentic self at odds with religious doctrine. (Photo by Dejan Livančić on Unsplash)

I know some people practicing religion-inspired beliefs do not have that experience. I’m not saying that religion is bad across-the-board. So if you are a believer, a Christian or a Jew, and you’re happy, then enjoy your happy life. 😌

People who do come to me seeking what I offer, who also have backgrounds in religion, struggle at first with split energy generated from their desires and their religious beliefs.

You are god in a human body

For example, it’s very difficult for a Christian or a Jew to believe they are God in a human body creating reality as they move through life.

It’s difficult for some Christians to accept that they can fulfill all their desires, especially desires Christianity tells them are sinful or bad or will send them to hell.

Clients brought up in religion literally have one foot in their religious beliefs, and another foot testing the waters of something they know holds promise. They want their desires, but their religion says their desires are “sinful”. That’s split energy born of conflicting stories.

My mentor adds a beautiful dimension to all this:

“Continuing to tell stories of [for example] shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the [fulfillment] of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.”

– Abraham

Other split energy sources

Religion isn’t the only source that can create split energy. Beliefs adopted from one’s parents or one’s culture often create split energy.

One of my client’s parents, for example, raised her to believe a woman must serve her family to the exclusion of her own desires. She is a powerful woman and is embracing this new approach I offer. As a result she is moving quickly through soothing these old beliefs.

A text message illustrating a The Transamorous Network principle
My client learns how good it feels focused on oneself.
The Transamorous Network example of cleaning up split energy.
An example of how good it feels cleaning up split energy.

And yet she finds it fascinating how much her old beliefs cause resistance in her which feels like a “struggle” to her. Her old beliefs tell her serving her own selfish desires is bad and wrong. In fact, there’s no better way to be in service to others than when one selfishly pursues one’s desires.

Why selfishness is good

Putting both feet in the “taking care of me” camp results in maximum connection to one’s Broader Perspective, that part of us that knows everything we want, where it is and how to get it. And it is that maximum connection that allows all that one desires to flow effortlessly into one’s life experience, including impulses that, when followed, put you squarely in a fulfilling desire’s path.

“Taking care of me” creates a life experience of joyful exuberance. One sees life experience shaping to the new stories, morphing from the old one and becoming the source or the foundation of a blissful life.

The blissful life leads to self love. And when one loves oneself, it is simple, easy, and joyful loving others. And being selfish, you become the most generous person anyone knows.

Integrating one’s stories so they all reflect what one wants creates wonderful epiphanies, seemingly amazing coincidences. Clear indisputable manifestations are so convincing, you get that life is meant to be fun.

Joyful non-resistance

Split energy resits fulfilling desires. Releasing resistance by cleaning up split energy uncovers every human being’s natural joy. The more a person stands with both feet in that joy, the more blissful their life gets. All of my clients experience this to one degree or another.

The Universe stands ready to deliver to anyone a life consistent with their goodness, their worthiness, their natural connection to the joy of being.

Everyone experiences the joy of life. Bogus stories mask that experience. Split energy results. Cleaning that up starts with wanting to clean it up. The rest happens automatically.

A Transgender Woman Gets An Amazing Life Experience, Including Cash!

Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash

Editors note: This true story comes from a transgender client who is six months into their 1:1 membership. It shows how telling positive stories transforms every part of life, making it fun and joyful. Note how every step of the way leads to more and better results. Every day is like this when you tell increasingly positive stories. Italicized paragraphs have been added for context.

My mom and I are moving. She can’t get her beloved grand piano into the new house we’re moving into, she’s going to have to sell it, and buy an upright piano. She contacted a specialist who came and valued it at £5000, but from that, he said he would take commission and the cost of restoration.

This didn’t seem right to me and I had the thought “I’m sure this piano is worth more.”

A story is nothing more than a thought or a belief you’re thinking at any moment. Learning how to tie your stories to how you feel can lead to incredible life experiences. This client understood how to tie her stories to her emotions. What happened next happened because she knows what to do when a positive story comes to her.

Positive stories makes connections clear

So a few days later I was shopping in my favourite wholefood and organic cleaning and beauty products shop. It is run by Jess – a friendly and enterprising South African man who I’ve always felt an attraction to.

I went in there to buy some cheap little Christmas gifts and got chatting as I normally do. Somehow the topic of music came up and he revealed that in a former life he had been a master Piano restorer, technician and salesman for the prestigious Kensington piano company in London.

He also revealed that he had left because of the underhand way piano businesses operate, and he had gone solo, building up an extensive and prestigious client base, including royalty, Yoko Ono and the Royal Academy of music in London.

Notice the tie between her previous experience with the former piano business operator and this former one. Note how connected the two experiences were…

It’s worth a lot more

I told him about my mum’s piano and after a few questions he said to me “I’m sure it’s worth a lot more.” I asked him if he would come and value it for a fee.

Knowing that I was also in the music business, he said to me “well I know everything there is to know about acoustic pianos. But I’m in the market for a vintage Fender Rhodes or Wurlitzer piano, and I know nothing about electric pianos. If you could get me a good electric piano from the 70s era, I’ll come and do the valuation for free.”

I put a post on Facebook, and within an hour or two my uncle, who happens to run a piano tuning and keyboard hire business, contacted me to let me know he had one available. I’ve put Jess and my uncle in contact and it turns out they both worked with the same piano restorer colleague many years ago.

Whenever two people come together, it’s always for mutual benefit. Whether trans-attracted or transgender, when you meet someone, mutual benefit always takes place. That doesn’t mean you experience the benefit, even though it did happen. In most situations, people miss benefits they got. It’s easy to see the benefits though when you know how stories create reality.

It gets better…

Two days ago Jess came and valued my mum’s piano and has already found a buyer for it for £10,000, double the original valuation. No need for restoration, and no commission.

Because this client waited and let the Universe orchestrate her outcomes, she got a wonderful, delightful outcome….but it did get better…

This morning I picked up the Wurlitzer from my uncle who happened to be in London on a piano tuning job … Jess and my uncle have not yet spoken about money, however Jess told me that he has some very lucrative business opportunities and propositions for my uncle.

When I picked up the keyboard this morning, my uncle asked me what price he should sell it for. I gave him my opinion but added he might want to consider Jess’s business proposition before charging him anything at all. If he gives you some really lucrative work, I said, maybe you’d like to give him the keyboard for free. He agreed.

The keyboard comes without legs. One or two Facebook posts later, I had sourced same exact model legs and could be in receipt of them within days. My plan is to give them to Jess for free. They only cost about £200, but we are making an extra £5000 on the basis of his goodwill.

So Jess gets to pass on his business and he gets a free keyboard. We get a free valuation and double our money! And I get to broker satisfaction for everyone!

Yippeee!

This client’s life increasingly includes, on the daily, experiences like this. Your life happens this way too. Want to learn to see your life that way? Contact us.

How To Be Transgender And Have It all

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we share emails we get at The Transamorous Network. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear Transamorous Network,

We’ve messaged a few times via email and had a couple stories published to The Transamorous Network website. My confidence has been doing great, I’ve really learned to love my body and accept the men that love my body too. It has done wonders for my day to day life and self image, I feel so at home and happy in my body.

Recently I was in my best friends wedding, and I discovered the groom outed me to his groomsmen prior to the wedding so that they wouldn’t make any passes on me. I didn’t find this out until after, but it makes a lot of sense now that I look back at it.

[The groomsmen] were very stand offish and distant towards me, would hardly make eye contact when trying to talk to them, but there were moments I would catch them definitely checking me out, in which they would look away as soon as I’d notice.

I’m 25, pass as cis and get told I’m pretty. All of my friends around me are off getting married, moving in with their significant others, having families etc. I want marriage and babies more than anything, and I try so hard to remain positive and optimistic.

But I feel like I’m still stuck in this place where I’m forbidden fruit, as seen by what happened in recent events. Online dating is horrible by I still try, but when it comes to real life situations I’m almost always overlooked because other men will out me to their friends and won’t let them decide for themselves whether they’re into me or not.

It sets the standard of “oh I can look but I can’t touch (because heaven forbid people think I’m gay)” It’s like I automatically come with a warning label.

I wish this attitude towards trans women wasn’t perpetuated, it makes me feel like I’m never going to have the life that I want because things like this keep happening which leave me feeling discouraged. I know everyone’s timeline is different, but I don’t want to be starting a family at 40 or older.

I’m trying to remain positive and not feel defeated, this is just a small bump in the road and I will move on from it. How should I go about situations like this in the future?

Best,
Janice

Hi Janice!
Nice to hear from you. Glad to hear your confidence is doing great. It’s easy having confidence when you see your life match positive stories you’re telling. There’s nothing contrary to the premise that your stories create your reality. Your life MUST match ANY story you tell. So why not tell positive ones?

All that said, you’ve got some problems with your stories! LOL.

The first two lines of your email are great. But most of the rest you wrote tells us you still have strong stories creating realities you don’t like. One of the last lines of your email is really important because thinking it, and writing it, makes it almost certain you WILL start a family at age 40!

You must change all these stories. When you do, you’ll find yourself experiencing none of what you wrote here, and more of what you want.

If you “feel” like you’re “forbidden fruit” then you get a reality matching that. If your online dating experience sucks, that should be telling you something…

You’ve already experienced the accuracy of what we share though The Transamorous Network. You’re feeling “confident”, you learned to “love your body” and you’re accepting men who love your body the way it is.

You’re seeing how that’s working “wonders” for your day to day self image and you feel “at home and happy in your body”. You also say you pass as cis and are told you’re pretty. You should accentuate these stories and stop talking (and thinking) about everything else in the email you wrote.

How to get everything you want: Ignore reality

When something like what happened at that wedding happens, you must IGNORE it. Putting your attention on it just brings you more of that.

Instead, make up other reasons about why those men were stand-off -ish. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true or not, it matters that it changes your attitude about what happened.

You want to feel as positive about that experience as you do about how confident, passable and comfortable in your body you are. Then, if you hold to that feeling, you will see your dating situation match that feeling.

We would not use online dating to meet guys. It’s too easy to create negative stories about meeting your mate that way. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

Also…you’re still REALLY young. You have plenty of time. But thinking you don’t is problematic. You tighten up, get anxious, then try to “find” the guy you’re to be married with. The problem with that approach is, YOU CAN’T FIND HIM.

So stop trying. Let go. Have fun. Make up positive reasons for why men don’t approach you. Celebrate those reasons. Then watch what happens! You will have it all!

TTN

Why Some Trans And Transamorous People Have Terrible Relationships

Transamorous relationships often aren't good
Transamorous relationships often aren't good
Photo by Jose Pablo Garcia on Unsplash

The reason why many transgender, trans-attracted and transamorous people have such a hard time meeting their matches is because they resist what they want.

A Transamorous Network client recently had an experience worth sharing. It not only shows how stories create reality, it also shows how, usually, trans and trans-attracted people don’t see connections between their stories and realities their stories create.

Not seeing those connections is why many transgender and trans-attracted people’s lives are so dismal, unsatisfying, lonely, depressing and more. Many such people feel powerless around doing something about such lives.

If you don’t believe stories create reality, the story “I don’t believe reality gets created by my stories” creates a reality where it looks like your reality isn’t being created by your stories. 😳

That’s why it’s important to know stories create reality. It’s also important knowing how to read the signs telling you what stories are creating what reality.

So let’s now turn to Selene’s story.

A transgender woman creates while not knowing she’s creating

Selene, who happens to be trans, came to her session in good spirits. She had a good New Year’s and Christmas, spent mostly at home with her family. The farm where she lives sits on cold, frozen farmland, but inside her home, good cheer, good food and family filled the space and warmed Selene’s heart.

That good cheer extended to her father, mother and sister, all of whom laughed and ate and opened presents together. Selene enjoyed a good family holiday. That mood continued days following Christmas.

Being Transamorous and enjoying the holidays
Enjoying the holidays while being trans or trans-attracted is not as hard as you think. Click the photo to find out more. (Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash)

A couple days before her session, a customer entered the Starbucks where Selene works, ordered a drink, then took off his mask. He started drinking his beverage in the store. That behavior violated Starbucks’ COVID-19 policy.

Selene saw the customer and politely explained to him that, one, he couldn’t remove his mask while in the store and, two, he could not drink his beverage inside.

The man looked Selene up and down, then said “Are you trying to control what I’m doing sir?”

It was an intentional misgender. Selene has enough positive story momentum though so being misgendered didn’t phase her.

Then she heard her assistant manager behind her say “Sir, Selene is a woman, not a man. You must leave now.”

As the unruly customer turned to go, Selene added “It’s also illegal to retaliate against workers when they enforce statewide COVID policy.”

Not seeing the connections…until they’re seen

In her session a couple days after this experience, Selene wondered aloud why she experienced this. She thought such an experience wouldn’t happen since she’s been telling positive stories, evidenced by such a good holiday with her family.

Why did this unruly man enter her life experience? Why did she have such a confrontation? I remained silent.

A moment later, Selene started talking about something else. She thought she changed the subject. Little did she know, she was about to answer her questions herself.

Selene said she read an article on the internet. It described a new law now in effect in her area. It protects workers from retaliation when they enforce COVID-19 policies in their workplace.

After reading the article, Selene said, she liked the new law. She told me she thought about how cool it would be to have an experience where she could use it.

I looked at Selene silently. She got my look and smiled. It didn’t need saying, but I said it anyway:

“There is no mystery about this experience,” I said. “You were in your positive momentum of the holidays, feeling good, revelling in joy with your family. Then you read this article and felt confidence in the new information. Feeling confident, you declared wanting to use that law. So you created an experience consistent with your declaration: an opportunity to use it.”

transamorous realities come from beliefs
Who comes into your experience depends on the stories you tell.

It’s obvious once seen

Life always shows how stories create reality. Most miss the connections, because they don’t believe that’s what’s happening. So when something happens now, they forget past nows wherein a story was told that creates the now happening.

Once you know how to see the clues, they’re obvious.

Here’s the formula using Selene’s example:

  • Selene felt wonderful from previous nows with her family. Those previous nows were born of work she’s been doing with The Transamorous Network for the last two years about her family.
  • In her wonderful feeling, she attracted a news story specifically about her work as a customer-facing employee. It’s likely Selene had an unexpressed desire to feel more protected at work around COVID and her gender. Thus her life experience revealed this news to her.
  • In the revealing, Selene felt better about her work as a customer-facing Starbucks employee. That confidence took it a step further: it had her express a desire for an experience matching that confidence, which would bolster said confidence.
  • Then she dropped the whole idea. She thought about it no further. She didn’t share the article. She forgot it until she brought it up in our session.
  • In forgetting it and not sharing it, she allowed momentum of her story to grow without any competing stories.
  • So, in only a few days, she got exactly the experience she wanted.

It always works this way…or it can

This is how stories always create reality. The reason why transgender and trans-attracted people have such a hard time meeting their matches, or getting anything they want, is because they resist what they want by focusing almost totally on what they don’t want.

They focus on sucky relationships they have or had. They focus on sucky relationships other trans or trans-attracted people share on social media. They think about tranny chasers, gold diggers and “hoes”. They are impatient with not having the relationship they want. They wallow in loneliness, yearning and sadness.

If instead transgender and trans-attracted people talked about positive things happening in their lives, about the positive aspects of relationships they DO have, about things they enjoy about their lives now, their lives would gradually include more of those things. And less negative people, experiences and circumstances.

Loving relationships aren’t hard to find. But if you think they are, then they are hard to find. The way out isn’t looking for loving relationships when you think they’re hard to find. The way out is changing your story about relationships.

Fall In Love With Your Trans Attraction In 2021

trans attraction is good
trans attraction is good
Photo by Tommy Lee Walker on Unsplash

Happy New Year to all the trans, trans attracted and transamorous people reading this. This year offers a new opportunity, one in which you find empowerment, instead of shame, joy, instead of embarrassment, freedom, instead of bondage and love in who and what you are.

All this is available NOW. The moment you tell better stories about who and what you are. Your love of transgender people is wholesome. Being trans attracted is good.

You don’t need a new year’s resolution to know that. All that’s needed is that you see yourself as you are: worthy of all you want, creating a world containing all you want, surrounded by desires of all kinds, each one fulfilling themeselves.

That includes having that partner you want. Whether you’re transgender, trans attracted or transamorous, whatever kind of relationship you want you can have. But only if you’re a match to that relationship.

Happy New Years trans and trans attracted

Honor your trans attraction in 2021

Is 2021 going to be the year you become a match to your relationship desires?

Last month a Transamorous Network client, only four months into his 1:1 sessions, sent a message to his church: he was moving on.

He realized the church tells disempowering stories, not only about Christianity, but also about being an LGBTQ person. I know some guys find it hard to take, but if you’re trans attracted, you’re part of the LGBTQ family. That doesn’t mean you’re “gay” though.

Sending that message was monumental. It was an act born of his desire to own who he is and free himself from living small, living safe but scared and worried about what others think. He’s now reaching for his empowerment, on his own terms.

As he told me what he had done, a new version of him emerged. A version who honors his trans attraction as an important part of who he is. He’s inspired by what he now sees is possible: a life full of exactly what I wrote in the first paragraph above.

Trans attraction demands living authentically

Churches make people believe that church is the doorway to salvation. That’s never the case. Especially if you’re trans attracted.

More often than not, church leads to exactly the opposite. My client realized this, and in just four months is leaving his church. This process actually happened in the last 30 days of working with The Transamorous Network.

In the previous three months, this client wrestled with his old stories as we looked at them through the lens of what we do in The Transamorous Network 1:1 sessions.

Leaving the church was important. So long as he continued with the church, he would not be a match to the woman he wants, or the life he craves. Becoming a match required living his authenticity, which includes moving from closeted chaser to becoming transamorous.

Your positive transformation hold all you want. (Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash)

Your transamory offers positive transformation

Ironically, three months into his 1:1 sessions, he met a trans woman who also happened to be a well-known porn actress. They hit it off, but my client felt a mix of negative emotions about her.

Successful and looking for the same in a parter, she was confident, bold and clear about what she wanted, as some transgender women are. But she unnerved my client. Who she was being intimidated him.

He knew his church would not approve, to put it lightly. Trans AND a porn actress? Really? LOL. But meeting this woman was a perfect catalytic event: As much as it unnerved him to think about being with her, my client desired what she represented. And that desire was enough to spark a transformation.

We looked at stories he told about her, stories adopted from his church, stories which, together with his desires for her, fueled an inner conflict.

trans attraction brings more than love
Your trans attraction feels like it’s only about love. But it’s about so much more. (Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)

Trans attraction is about more than love

I told him this conflict represented a momentous opportunity waiting to bring him everything he wants. The inner conflict he felt indicates he is not yet a match to this woman. Which explains why the relationship, so far, appears to be over.

That relationship wasn’t about him ending up with her though. It was about catalyzing a change within this client leading to greater freedom and the fulfillment of everything he wants. Not only in love, but in all life areas.

But having had that relationship, and seeing what was possible from new stories emboldened this client. In the following weeks he started telling more positive stories. Those stories prompted the message to his church.

This client isn’t a sinner. He doesn’t need saving. He creates his reality, he is not dammed because of his beliefs or acts, or who or what he is. What he is is a wondrous, joyful being who is here to have whatever life experience he wants.

Transamory is freedom

Another 1:1 client had similar experiences over the last nine months of 2020. It’s taking him longer, but he too has left his church. New stories clarified for him how much he lived in bondage born of old stories adopted from his religion.

Like the previous client, he met a trans woman too, someone with whom he has many things in common, someone he finds astonishingly fresh, real and attractive.

His old stories created realities inconsistent with his trans attraction. Today, he’s changing that though. He’s getting a divorce from his cisgender wife. And though it’s a bit turbulent right now, he sees more and more how moving towards his new stories offers a life far more joyful and empowering.

Whether trans, a chaser, trans attracted or transamorous, we are all here to transform the world through our own self-transformation. Our self-transformation will turn shame and embarrassment into delight and joy for ourselves and for others. Recovering and then living our authenticity will bring freedom from old stories that have us live in fear, shame and worry.

The payoff is life experience equal to our wildest dreams, yes, in love, but also in every other life area.

I know we can have everything we want, including the relationship we want with the person we want, whether we’re trans or trans attracted.

But we can’t get there while standing in stories which create emotions such as fear, shame, and worry.

This year, give yourself the gift of joy, freedom and empowerment available in your self-transformation. Get the love you crave. Tell more positive stories about what you want. Then watch what happens.

Happy new year!

ADDENDUM: It’s Jan. 1 at 4:30 PM. I wrote this post at 3 am this morning. This is so cool as a follow-up. The first client I mentioned in this post, this afternoon sent the following text message. It perfectly punctuates what he’s getting from his 1:1 sessions:

They lyrics of that song “Drive” are a perfect treat, pounding home his realization. Definitely worth a listen: