Happy New Year to all the trans, trans attracted and transamorous people reading this. This year offers a new opportunity, one in which you find empowerment, instead of shame, joy, instead of embarrassment, freedom, instead of bondage and love in who and what you are.
All this is available NOW. The moment you tell better stories about who and what you are. Your love of transgender people is wholesome. Being trans attracted is good.
You don’t need a new year’s resolution to know that. All that’s needed is that you see yourself as you are: worthy of all you want, creating a world containing all you want, surrounded by desires of all kinds, each one fulfilling themeselves.
That includes having that partner you want. Whether you’re transgender, trans attracted or transamorous, whatever kind of relationship you want you can have. But only if you’re a match to that relationship.
Honor your trans attraction in 2021
Is 2021 going to be the year you become a match to your relationship desires?
Last month a Transamorous Network client, only four months into his 1:1 sessions, sent a message to his church: he was moving on.
He realized the church tells disempowering stories, not only about Christianity, but also about being an LGBTQ person. I know some guys find it hard to take, but if you’re trans attracted, you’re part of the LGBTQ family. That doesn’t mean you’re “gay” though.
Sending that message was monumental. It was an act born of his desire to own who he is and free himself from living small, living safe but scared and worried about what others think. He’s now reaching for his empowerment, on his own terms.
As he told me what he had done, a new version of him emerged. A version who honors his trans attraction as an important part of who he is. He’s inspired by what he now sees is possible: a life full of exactly what I wrote in the first paragraph above.
Trans attraction demands living authentically
Churches make people believe that church is the doorway to salvation. That’s never the case. Especially if you’re trans attracted.
More often than not, church leads to exactly the opposite. My client realized this, and in just four months is leaving his church. This process actually happened in the last 30 days of working with The Transamorous Network.
In the previous three months, this client wrestled with his old stories as we looked at them through the lens of what we do in The Transamorous Network 1:1 sessions.
Leaving the church was important. So long as he continued with the church, he would not be a match to the woman he wants, or the life he craves. Becoming a match required living his authenticity, which includes moving from closeted chaser to becoming transamorous.
Your transamory offers positive transformation
Ironically, three months into his 1:1 sessions, he met a trans woman who also happened to be a well-known porn actress. They hit it off, but my client felt a mix of negative emotions about her.
Successful and looking for the same in a parter, she was confident, bold and clear about what she wanted, as some transgender women are. But she unnerved my client. Who she was being intimidated him.
He knew his church would not approve, to put it lightly. Trans AND a porn actress? Really? LOL. But meeting this woman was a perfect catalytic event: As much as it unnerved him to think about being with her, my client desired what she represented. And that desire was enough to spark a transformation.
We looked at stories he told about her, stories adopted from his church, stories which, together with his desires for her, fueled an inner conflict.
Trans attraction is about more than love
I told him this conflict represented a momentous opportunity waiting to bring him everything he wants. The inner conflict he felt indicates he is not yet a match to this woman. Which explains why the relationship, so far, appears to be over.
That relationship wasn’t about him ending up with her though. It was about catalyzing a change within this client leading to greater freedom and the fulfillment of everything he wants. Not only in love, but in all life areas.
But having had that relationship, and seeing what was possible from new stories emboldened this client. In the following weeks he started telling more positive stories. Those stories prompted the message to his church.
This client isn’t a sinner. He doesn’t need saving. He creates his reality, he is not dammed because of his beliefs or acts, or who or what he is. What he is is a wondrous, joyful being who is here to have whatever life experience he wants.
Transamory is freedom
Another 1:1 client had similar experiences over the last nine months of 2020. It’s taking him longer, but he too has left his church. New stories clarified for him how much he lived in bondage born of old stories adopted from his religion.
Like the previous client, he met a trans woman too, someone with whom he has many things in common, someone he finds astonishingly fresh, real and attractive.
His old stories created realities inconsistent with his trans attraction. Today, he’s changing that though. He’s getting a divorce from his cisgender wife. And though it’s a bit turbulent right now, he sees more and more how moving towards his new stories offers a life far more joyful and empowering.
Whether trans, a chaser, trans attracted or transamorous, we are all here to transform the world through our own self-transformation. Our self-transformation will turn shame and embarrassment into delight and joy for ourselves and for others. Recovering and then living our authenticity will bring freedom from old stories that have us live in fear, shame and worry.
The payoff is life experience equal to our wildest dreams, yes, in love, but also in every other life area.
I know we can have everything we want, including the relationship we want with the person we want, whether we’re trans or trans attracted.
But we can’t get there while standing in stories which create emotions such as fear, shame, and worry.
This year, give yourself the gift of joy, freedom and empowerment available in your self-transformation. Get the love you crave. Tell more positive stories about what you want. Then watch what happens.
Happy new year!
ADDENDUM: It’s Jan. 1 at 4:30 PM. I wrote this post at 3 am this morning. This is so cool as a follow-up. The first client I mentioned in this post, this afternoon sent the following text message. It perfectly punctuates what he’s getting from his 1:1 sessions:
They lyrics of that song “Drive” are a perfect treat, pounding home his realization. Definitely worth a listen: