TL;DR: This is a guest story written by Kari and published with her permission. Kari shares a story in which she revolutionized a lot of feelings about her body, including feelings about her penis. Along the way, she realized many toxic beliefs she – and many trans women – hold. She then encourages a reaching for greater, more empowering freedom.
I recently found myself at the intersection of two converging trajectories or evolutions and while I can see the outcome approaching fast, I don’t know how I feel about it.
Hold onto your butts, we’re going in….
The first evolution was my discovery of dresses last summer.
I had bought a few dresses over the five years I have been out, but never really worn them. Until last summer, that is.
Some of these dresses were sleeveless and that’s where the problem first appeared.
Comfort in my skin
I had spent the first part of summer wearing short sleeve shirts and the result was a set of very pasty shoulders and tanned forearms.
I looked like a farmer…in a bad way:
So this summer I decided to even out that tan by spending a few minutes each day in the sun in my bikini. The road to degeneracy is, however, paved with good intentions. Changing into a bikini and then back into clothes mid morning started becoming tiresome. So I started just stripping down to my panties and lying in the sun on our private balcony. This resulted in a nice light tan across my entire body except my butt which was extremely pale.
And that’s how I ended up naked, on the balcony in the sun, daily.
This naked sunbathing made me consider my body and how I felt about myself. The act of slowing down and being quiet outside did make me think that naturists are on to something and I am way more comfortable with myself now.
Ladies, if you ever feel unattractive, spend 15 minutes on your back and 15 minutes on your tummy in the sun daily. By the end of summer you will be more comfortable in your skin. There is just something about having sunshine and a light breeze on your naked skin that improves your confidence. At least it did for me.
And next summer I may join a naturist group.
Okay, so I hope y’all into TMI, because we are about to overshare.
“My filly blunt”
The other evolution is a little complicated. Transition is a slow evolutionary process. During this summer, perhaps triggered in part by my nude sunbathing or other factors, my sexuality, or rather my sexual expression, started to surface again.
Let me explain.
When switching your governing hormone your sexuality does some strange stuff. Since starting HRT my entire understanding of my own sexuality and how I express it has been completely rewritten. There was a period, shortly after I started HRT, where I almost completely lost interest in anything sexual. Then about two years ago a slow process of re-emergence started.
Slowly the lights have been coming on again so to speak.
When this happened I noted a shift in who I was attracted to, how I was attracted to them and how I thought about and experienced sex.
I also started to engage with my sexuality and its expression in new ways. An example of this is that I now find pleasure in erotic images of myself. I enjoy sharing erotic but tasteful artistic pictures with my partner. To be blunt, I started sending artsy dick-pics to my partner.
Oh and if you’re wondering, judging by the response, dick-pics are just one more thing women just do better than men.
Okay, enough waffling about sunbathing and erotic art, this isn’t an art blog or a sunlight therapy woo page on Facebook. This is a transsexual blog and I know you’re here for the same reasons Republicans and Gender Criticals go to Pornhub.
You’re here for the girl-dick.
So let’s talk about this filly’s blunt.
Exploring my nudity
I can’t speak for men but judging by the quality of the examples of the masculine dick-pics I have seen, men don’t think about their genitals in the same way women do. I think for men a picture of their genitals is a visual cv for their sexual qualities.
They are functional images. Its this big, its this long and its shaped in this manner which will have this effect on you when I use it in these ways. Lighting, context, focus and composition are all lost in the singular pursuit of graphic exposure. The male dick-pic is the construction drawing of nude art.
Before transition I didn’t understand the dick-pic. I assumed it was a matter of dysphoria. Showing nudes of myself that featured my penis just felt uncomfortable and ugly.
I hated it.
However, this summer I decided to explore the art of nude self portraits. I had seen a particular content creator on Instagram who specifically makes erotic self portraits via photography and I like her stuff, so I decided to try it myself.
Over the last few months, whenever I have been inspired, I have taken photos of myself in various states of undress.
“Proudly displaying their junk”
One of the things I noted very quickly was that I didn’t have that alien feeling when genitals were visibly in the images, either explicitly or implied by “the bulge”. In fact, I started to see the beauty in these photos. I didn’t see a person struggling with discordant genitals or pathetically resigned to the misery of not being able to do anything about her penis.
I legitimately saw a naked woman with a beautiful dick.
Of course the question that raised itself to me was, did I find this girl-dick beautiful because its mine and attached to me or was it all girl-dicks that had suddenly become beautiful?
My questions led me to the Trans-HiveMind.
I went back to Tumblr.
And on Tumblr I found a lot of girl-dick.
I found trans women proudly displaying their junk and trans women not so proudly displaying their junk with captions asking “would you still date me if you knew about my dick?”
Looking at these images I noted the “would you date a trans woman” posts are as tragic as those Only Fans Milfs on Insta who aim their content at middle-aged dude’s crotches.
Ladies, men don’t need begging.
Why the Fuck do we Tuck?
The posts made by trans women who are clearly comfortable with their genitals on the other hand are beautiful. In fact they are as beautiful as images of women with vaginas.
However, this is not an article to sing the praises of and promote the beauty of girl-dick.
I have far more sinister motives than that and we already know girl-dick is gorgeous.
What I am saying is girl-dick is no less desirable or beautiful or feminine than girl-vagina and when we accept this simple truth, we must ask: Why the Fuck do we Tuck?
We don’t tuck because our genitals are ugly.
We don’t tuck because it’s comfortable.
We don’t even tuck because we suffer dysphoria.
Rock it unapologetically
We tuck because we have been told by heteronormative society that women have vaginas and if your crotch isn’t a smooth, flat front then you are a man.
We have internalized the idea that we cannot be beautiful women when we have a little extra in our undies. We believe men see us, trans women, as second class because we don’t have a genital configuration that ignorance and regressive societal rules have mandated as the gold standard.
Today’s gaff is, for trans women, no different from last century’s whale boned corset for cis women. We don’t need to squeeze our organs into new positions and uncomfortable contortions to be beautiful. We don’t have to mould ourselves to the society’s regressive ideas to be beautiful.
We simply need to rock that bulge unapologetically and one day, society will catch up.
One day, a trans woman is going to walk down the catwalk at Paris Fashion week untucked and no one is going to bat an eye about the girl-dick.
Well, maybe I do know how I feel about the outcome of that intersection now.
Maybe I want to say: Vive le pénis féminin!