Trans-Attracted Men: Your Struggle Is On You

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

Sometimes I get great responses from transgender women. More and more transgender women who get it write me. I like that. They confirm what I already know. When they do that, I know they are amplifying their own awareness. Including their awareness of the reality of trans-attracted men.

These are the kinds of transgender women I want to surround myself with. Women who are articulate, insightful and intelligent. Transgender women who are not consumed by self-loathing. Self-loathing that they then project onto trans-attracted men. I like interacting with transgender women who are a match to me. Like the woman who wrote me recently. It’s so refreshing when that happens.

By the way, doing what I’m doing here makes it more likely that I meet more such women. While I talk about what I want I get more of what I want. It also represents a basic, essential practice of “stories create your reality“. I’m telling stories about what I want. Doing so, I’m becoming more a match to what I want. And in becoming more of a match, I’m meeting more of the kinds of transgender women I want to acquaint myself with.

I love it when my life proves what I tell my clients. Meanwhile, my clients increasingly discover how effective telling positive stores is too.

It’s not easy at first. But after some practice, they get good at it. Then anything becomes possible.

One transgender woman to another

A regular reader of my articles on a social media website recently shared her perspective. Her perspective didn’t surprise me because this transgender women is brilliant AF. It doesn’t surprise me she also happens to be an artist. Artists have built-in connection with the wisdom of All That Is. In other words, they can access more readily, wisdom at the center of All That Is and express it as art. That’s why they create art.

Being transgender AND an artist is a major gift this woman gives to herself. I don’t know if she realizes how special she is, but I realize it. This is why when she shared her view, it didn’t surprise me. But what she wrote was so accurate, I had to share it.

Here’s the article she responded to. In it I raved about a telephone conversation I enjoyed with a trans-attracted guy. He reached out to me after looking at The Transamorous Network’s instagram profile. The guy inspired me so much I just had to share details of who he was. I’m glad I did. What I got in return was gold.

It’s up to you men

Genivieve began her response with a well-deserved critique on transgender women’s perspective on men:

“To be upset about being fetishized is to misunderstand men. Men objectify everything they desire. It’s not just Trans women. Cis women are equally objectified if not more so. It’s the way men fixate on their prey so to speak. It’s generally something they discovered earlier in life as they are first becoming a sexual being. Like being imprinted, it remains for life as their primary attraction.”

Imagine if more transgender women understood this. Hell, it would be great if Cis women understood this! It would take a lot of sting out of being objectified. Objectification needn’t be a triggering event. And it isn’t, when the person being objectified doesn’t tell stories about it that personalize it. That’s a more empowering way of looking at it anyway. Because when a man objectifies, it’s not personal! Well, it’s personal for him. But that’s all.

Like Genivieve says, men objectify pretty much everything they want. Not just women. They objectify cars, money, certain occupations. Again, it’s not personal. It’s just a process men use.

But — and here’s the kicker — men aren’t the only ones doing this. Women do it too. As offended as they get about it, women objectify men as well. They do the same to women sometimes. They even do it to themselves. Maybe not as much or as overtly as men. But that may be because society conditions women to conceal their very natural objectifying tendencies. If that conditioning weren’t there, my guess is women would take men’s objectifications less personally. And they’d be more transparent about when they objectify others.

But that’s another story.

The struggle of not taking objectification personally is a struggle. But it doesn’t need to be.

It’s on you men

Later in her comment, Genivieve gets to the heart of the matter. I love this because she pulls no punches. Nor need she. The bolded parts are made here for emphasis:

“The key with all men is to understand and allow them what they crave. If you want to keep a man’s interest, you must first be what he is actually attracted to. The social struggle for Trans-attracted men is the difficult part. That work is on them. Once we all can openly embrace who and what we are, we can live more simply and happily with someone that we can love completely.”

Hear, hear Genivieve! Indeed, trans-attracted men, your path is laid out before you. It’s on you to figure it out. No one’s going to do that for you. The thing is though, you took on this task yourself before you came into a body. So you’re up to the difficulty.

In fact, when you decided to come into the world as trans-attracted, you didn’t see it as going to be hard. You saw it as the great opportunity that it is. The opportunity to live in a new way. A new way that would help nudge humanity towards greater diversity, openness and expansion. And you knew you would be better because of the journey. The same is true for every transgender woman.

The crux of the matter

And this is why trans-attracted men and transgender women have the potential to be perfect mutual matches. That they often come together amidst all kinds of drama, blame, anger and frustration is the flip side of that mutual match potential.

And this is why I do what I do for both transgender women and trans-attracted men. So much potential for love exists between these two groups. If only both sides can get over their disempowering stories, then approach one another from understanding born of realization. I write these articles to nudge both sides to that realization.

It happens one person at a time. When it does, the sparks of love shine and everything becomes possible. Everything becoming possible first starts with you loving yourself. Or as Gen puts it: “openly embrac[ing] who and what we are”.

Trans or trans-attracted you’re meant to enjoy everything you desire. But as Gen says, it’s on you to get to that enjoyment. If you’re ready, I can help.

By the way, if you want to follow Genivieve on Medium, be my guest!

Yet Another Transgender Woman Gets It

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Oh boy, I’m attracting extraordinary transgender women!

I love it when I connect with transgender women who get it. The trans community is NOT homogenous. Not in any respect, but especially when it comes to opinions about many things, including being transgender.

Many transgender women hold views totally different from those who complain about men, their lives, the world around them and how poorly that world treats them. To the trans-attracted men: I suggest focusing on these transgender women. Not those who blame you for their experience. Trust me, you’ll find them everywhere.

These kinds of transgender women see where their views of the world shape the world they live in and experiences they have. Still others get how pointing fingers at men for being chasers perpetuates negative experiences transgender women experience with such men.

I will say this over and over: men struggle with their trans-attraction. That struggle strongly resembles processes many transgender women go through on their way to self-acceptance. Processes that help both parties get over their fear, their confusion, and shame. In other words, both parties have a lot in common. In fact, both parties share extremely intimate experiences. Experiences that can form the basis of intense, intimate, deep, loving relationships.

Another joyful connection

I had the pleasure of communicating with yet another transgender woman whose insight and maturity allows her to see things other transgender women can’t or won’t. I loved reading her response to a story I posted recently. Her response increases my knowing that these kinds of women exist. Women who share perspectives I have. Perspectives which say being trans is a unique, special and world-changing experience. And those having those experiences are worthy of veneration.

In the story I posted not long ago, I shared my personal views about transgender women. I wrote about what they represent (to me) and what that representation means for the world. Kari responded to that story. She gave me permission to use her real name.

The two comments she made are gold:

A brilliant and accurate analysis of what I wrote in my original story
And her perspective shared subsequently.

I’m heartened that transgender women exist like Kari. Women who can hold two different views and accept both. I also appreciate her self awareness. That self awareness shines through her self-image. A self-image through which she can see flaws in beliefs transgender women hold which vilify trans-attracted men. And ideas that try to put all transgender women in the same box.

There’s a lesson here guys

The transgender community is as diverse as any other. Transgender women exist who will meet any preference. They don’t all think the same. While there are transgender women who want to live as if they’re cis, there are transgender women who eschew that paradigm. And if you’re interested in a trans woman who will satisfy your preferences, you can find them.

Finding them however, means you must stop putting all your eggs in the wrong basket. Instead, focus on what you want to the exclusion of all else. Let them come to you. Let the Universe bless you with your perfect match. You do that by becoming a match to what you want. That happens if you focus exclusively on what you want.

Meanwhile, the girl you want, who meets your every preference, will get her own impulses. She’ll be inspired to places where you are. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself in her arms. And her in yours. Need help figuring this out? Then contact me.

And feel free to read some of Kari’s writings on Medium.

The Best Way To Improved Transgender Lives

Photo by Vil Son on Unsplash

Many trans-attracted men and transgender women have a hard time with this because it sounds so unbelievably “absurd”. And yet, there’s ample evidence supporting the notion. The notion that the fastest way to a better life, whether it’s finding a partner, having family accept us or finding more freedom in society, comes from first accepting how life is now.

Now, some transgender women who come to this story will push hard against this. Their experience seemingly shows them the best way to change a life situation is to push against it, resist it, protest about it.

But one of life’s many paradoxes is, it is the accepting of what is that makes change happen faster. And, in every case where change happens, that’s what makes it happen. Even when it looks like that’s not happening.

An old client of mine found this to be the case. After a l-o-n-g period of her family disowning her, she recently IM’d me with delightful news:

A former client realizes a long-held desire. Her family had disowned her. But now, after practicing what we offer at The Transamorous Network, she’s manifested a long-held wish.

Make peace release resistance

Persistent negative experiences, especially involving other people, remain persistent because we focus on trying to change the experience. But the problem with changing the experience involves why we want to do that. Typically, humans want change because they don’t like what they have. Trans-attracted men feel shame about their trans-attraction, for example. They don’t want to feel that awful emotion. So they try changing what they are.

But if they make peace with their trans-attraction, “shame” gets replaced with “being ok with what is.” That making peace eliminates one’s focus on the unwanted experience. Eventually “being ok” allows the person to explore their bogus stories about trans-attraction. Stories like “I must be gay” or, “my family will disown me”, under dispassionate scrutiny can then turn into more empowering stories.

In the absence of resistance, change will show up. Especially when the person focuses on what they want, while being ok with what they have.

That’s part of the practice I share with my clients. As simple as it seems, it has powerful, enduring force. Force born of what creates and maintains the Universe.

Future improvement

The same goes with transgender women. If we want love from men, love that looks like what we want, we must stop looking at experiences that don’t match that. We also need to stop complaining about those experiences. Complaining is focus. Negative focus. Negative focus amplifies that which we complain about. Since the Universe gives us what we focus on, not what we want, the Universe in this situation will give us more to complain about.

But when we come to peace with experiences we’re having and revel in the reality that we’re creating those experiences, we embrace our power. And there, future experiences MUST look different. Especially if we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t.

Abraham, one of my spiritual guides, putting it plainly. Improvement happens speedily when we accept our present.

We must stop complaining. Focus on what we want instead. Appreciate, or at the very least, accept what we have. For the change we want can’t happen so long as we resist what we have.

But in the acceptance, we come into eventual new futures. Futures aligned with everything we want. It’s the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.

Having trouble not complaining? Give me a shoutout. I can help!

Trans-Attracted Men Come In Great Varieties

Photo by Nicholas Green on Unsplash

I spoke with many a transgender woman’s dream today. This guy checks all the boxes. Sean (not his real name) recognizes and owns his trans-attraction as super-positive. He’s single (divorced) and never had sex with escorts or prostitutes, trans or otherwise. Sean never watched porn, including transgender porn. He takes care of himself physically, lives in a ski resort town and is active and attractive.

As I said, a transgender woman’s dream as far as I can tell.

Sean doesn’t drink or party and he doesn’t smoke. He prefers hanging out in intimate settings. His family and his ex wife both know about his trans-attraction. The wife even knew before they got married!

But after 10 years of marriage, his wife grew intolerant of his, as he puts it, “non-Alpha male ways”. Sean enjoys women friends over male friends. He wears his emotions on his sleeve so he gets his feelings easily hurt. Sean is sensitive in other words. Over time, these characteristics got on his ex-wife’s nerves, he said. So she used his trans-traction as the reason for leaving him.

Of course when someone blames another for their experience, the real problem always lies with the person doing the blaming. After ten years Sean never cheated on his wife, he says. As I wrote above, she knew about his trans-attraction from the get-go. Sean can’t explain why his wife changed her mind about their marriage after ten years.

Getting on track to self-acceptance

Even so, Sean says the divorce was a blessing. Getting divorced allowed him freedom to consciously explore his trans-attraction, which he just started doing. He knows it won’t go away, he says. He felt this way since he was a child.

During his early exploration, he thought he’d never meet a transgender woman in his ski resort town. It’s full of tourists, he says, and most of those people are mainstream. But after exploring his attraction more deeply, one day, in a grocery store, he spied a transgender woman and her boyfriend shopping. It was a huge shift for him, he said. It convinced him he could enjoy the relationship he really wants. I encouraged Sean to see this rendezvous as a sign of him progressing toward his desire. And the more he accepts all he is, the more such rendezvous he will enjoy.

Meanwhile, discovering The Transamorous Network offered Sean a different perspective. While some think The Transamorous Network the worst thing to come along for transgender women, the network actually helps a lot of people. Including transgender people. It provides uplifting messages for men struggling with themselves. It also encourages transgender women let go of negative stories keeping them from enjoying the love that so often eludes them. That’s why so many trans and trans-attracted people write us in appreciation for our content. It’s also why our clients live increasingly exceptional lives.

Like many men, Sean saw value in our material and contacted me through our free 1:1. “I’m done with vaginas,” he said at some point in our conversation. And he means it.

Happiness and love comes from within

Many trans-attracted men say this. Myself included. It doesn’t mean what some people interpret it to mean.

Being “done with vaginas” means a man finally accepts his attraction to transgender women. It doesn’t mean all such men want pre-op transgender women. But it does signify a recognition of that “je ne sais quoi” I often say transgender women possess. A “something else” that cisgender women don’t have. And I’m not talking about a penis.

So many trans-attracted men try avoiding their natural, wholesome trans-attraction by hiding out in vaginas. Meanwhile, I get to meet guys like Sean. Guys eager to do some self-exploring. Doing so begins a new era in a guy’s life. An era where the guy can accept and eventually come to love all that he brings to the table.

Self-acceptance represents a big part of what makes a person happy. Comparing ourselves to others, or fearing what others think of us, both represent recipes for unhappiness. Caring what others think about us can produce happiness. But that happiness rests on a shaky foundation. Because no one comes here to make other people happy. Our happiness is our job. No one else’s.

That’s why the best, most stable happiness comes from within. And happy people attract happy love. So a satisfying love life starts with happiness. And happiness best happens through self-acceptance. That’s something trans-attracted men AND transgender women could practice more. And if they do, more will find the love they seek. It’s why all my clients find themselves experiencing increasing happiness, then better love lives.

Thinking of wanting to accept your trans-attraction? Are you trans and tired of meeting men who only want to see you in the shadows? Let’s explore greater self-acceptance and get you ready to meet your match. Start here.

Get Our 1:1 Matchmaking Service at 50 Percent Off!!

It’s spring everybody!

And whether it’s the birds or the bees or humans or trees….It’s love season! Let’s get you some!

For a limited time and for limited peeps, we’re offering a 50 percent discount on our 1:1 Matchmaking services. Trans-Attracted men can get our exclusive, effective, guaranteed 1:1 service for $100 a month (original subscriptions: $200/mo). Transgender people get the same great services for $75 a month (normally $150/mo). That amounts to a $14/hr session rate for men and a $10/hr session rate for transgender women.

We haven’t offered a discount…ever. Five slots are open starting TODAY for each category, so, claim your spot by selecting your option below and hitting that subscribe button now.

Please Select

After selecting your category and completing the subscription we’ll redirect you to our calendar where you can schedule you monthly session date and time. Then you’re set!

DOES IT WORK?

Yes! I guarantee it too! But if you’re curious about the process go here and read about how it works. Or read the real life expressions of appreciation below.

(ABOVE) A trans-attracted client raving over how his life has changed.

Read a long-form testimonial of a transgender woman who not only found her match, but married him…all as a result of the practice!

(ABOVE) Another trans-attracted client expressing appreciation after successfully eliminating ideas of committing suicide from his life over his trans-attraction.
(ABOVE) A trans-attracted client expresses appreciation in an unique way…
(ABOVE) My very first transgender client thanking me via Facebook for changing her life for the better. She now sails around the world with her lover on a sailboat!

Of course, you can contact me with any questions, or schedule a FREE trial 1:1 to ask in person.