Editors note: Usually in this series I share a letter someone writes or a comment they make on our blog. Then I respond. However, this message I received this week was so touching, I figured I’d just share it. It’s that good. You’ll notice the struggle this person is going through while at the same time marveling over his powerful attraction to the person he describes. His experience reveals the real, intense struggle men go through while coming to terms with their trans attraction. There are powerful learning opportunities in this letter. Not only for men, but also for Transgender Women and for Cisgender women who discover their husband is trans-attracted.
Dear The Transamorous Network: I read an article online you posted and it really hit home on my current situation. To be more specific, the article was about trans “addiction”. Almost everything was spot on about how I feel. I swear you were writing this article for me personally.
For almost 25 years I have had this “addiction”. I’m 37 now…Cheating and heart break had almost ruined my marriage more than a couple of times, but we survived. Kids and grit got us through.
I love my wife and kids…very much. I have recently met someone who is trans. Well kinda. We met 5 years ago, I knew we connected when we first met but life took us different ways. Almost 3 years passed and I had no contact. She moved away with a boyfriend and I continued my life.
It seems fate had brought us back together…I unknowingly walk into a local food chain were she works and there she is, just as beautiful as I remember…Immediately sparks fly for both of us.
We kept in contact for 3 months and I have fallen for her very hard. I have looked past the sexual aspect of this and tried to understand…
Is it like a drug? Am I in love? Just why am I so magnetically attracted to this person? It just feels right. She knows I am in a relationship and has tried as hard as me to keep this from progressing. It will not stop. We both are frustrated and are drawn closer and closer every time we meet. I feel I must come clean and tell my wife about this, which is terrifying.
It is very complicated with so many emotions its hard to keep them in line. For years and years I have been repressed. [I’ve been] judging myself, thinking demons are controlling me. I’ve prayed for god to take this away. “I don’t want this, please lord” [I would pray].
Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I wrong to wanna be with a trans woman? I grew up were these thoughts were wrong and forbidden. My father caught me watching trans porn when I was a teenager and I had to beg him to not send me to therapy. Growing up in a very small town I was unable to explore this with anyone and am just now finding the strength to be real with myself and understand that this will never go away.
I am very lost but I feel most authentic and genuine when I’m with my trans friend. Knowing I want her and to change her life. She has told me she wants to be with me, and I have expressed the same in return. I am scared, in doubt and worried of the aftermath.
I just wondered if any of this has been familiar? I do not know what to do and I’m worried if this continues I will loose both my marriage and this compelling other relationship that feels so right. Any input comments or guidance would be appreciated. I trust things will be ok. I’m just afraid of making a glaring mistake. Thanks.