Category: Cis-trans relationships

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How I Easily Connected With A Magical Transgender Woman

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I met a transgender woman today “in the wild”. No dating sites, no struggle. The meeting was effortless, just like I promise my clients how they’ll meet their matches. But this wasn’t about me meeting my match, although she kind of was. Instead, it was was an awesome example of how easy everyone can get what they want. That is, if they tell the right stories.

Every experience represents a match. Life experience always is an outward reflection of one’s inner being state. Another way of saying that is our life reflects stories we tell.

So this experience tells me my inner state is full of wonder! The meeting happened so naturally. So naturally, the experience delighted both of us. But what happened at the end was more than I expected. It literally blew my mind…in a good way.

Here’s how all this marvelousness went down:

It happens when you least expect it

Today (May 4 ), I went on a walk, which I usually do daily. While walking through a business neighborhood, I saw a person coming towards me, about 200 feet ahead. I enjoy the transgender version of “Gaydar”, which usually makes it easy for me to spot transgender people. So I knew, even from a distance, she was trans.

But there was something else I felt besides my usual trans-attraction. Something more was in store, I felt, though what that was I couldn’t say.

Situations like this have happened many times before. Moving around town, minding my own business, I’ll suddenly come across a transgender person. In the past, such experiences caught me off guard and speechless. But over time, I resolved not to be caught off guard and let me speechless. Even though they happen when I least expect it, I resolved not to let the surprise shut me down. Instead, I promised myself I’d remain open and alert. Alert so I can offer what comes to mind. Usually that’s words or encouragement. Or something I might say which lets them know someone appreciates them being on the planet.

Often the person will appreciate me doing so. Sometimes, not so much. I’ve gained a sensitivity these days to know which response I’ll get. Knowing this, I can choose to speak. Or not.

So this time, I was ready. I knew something cool would happen. But I didn’t know it was going to be as cool as it turned out to be.

As natural as breathing

As we converged on each other, we locked eyes. She looked directly at me with big, brown beautiful eyes, eyes I think that also realized something magical was happening. She had indigenous markings on her face, wore bohemian garb and her long brown hair pulled into a long tail over her shoulder.

I said hi. She did the same. The connection was palpable, the magic electrifying the space between us. After we passed one another, I felt a strong urge to look back. Just like the scene in Meet Joe Black between Brad Pitt and Claire Forlani. Minus getting killed by New York Traffic, of course.

After going another 50 feet or so, I did look back. It was no surprise that at that very moment, she looked back too! So I turned around and headed back to her. Closing that distance, I felt an even greater urge to talk with her.

Meeting your match is as natural as breathing. That is, if you’re telling positive stories about a lot of subjects. Do that and it’s literally impossible not to make the connection. When it happens you know exactly what to say. You can’t blow, it in other words. Meanwhile, the other person, equally taken, willingly plays their part as the rendezvous unfolds.

The best way to meet someone

This kind of experience is far superior to online dating. The joy, freedom and spontaneity of meeting your match “in the wild” online dating can’t hold a candle to. Which is why nearly all my clients eventually prefer meeting their match in the wild rather than online. Besides, that online experience sucks for most people!

Phoebe, as she calls herself, and I enjoyed an initial, brief but intense conversation. I learned she was headed to buy wine at the grocer nearby. Friends of hers were throwing a party in her honor as she’s planning to buy a new pick-up truck. I asked if she lived nearby. Yes, she said. She pointed vaguely in the direction of a home I used to own in this neighborhood.

I didn’t ask where, exactly, she lived. I did tell her I felt a strong kismet about our meeting. She agreed. Something told me an important unfolding was about to happen. I told her I knew what that was, but also said I wanted to keep that to myself.

I actually thought that important thing was her being trans and me being transamorous. That was part of it, but it wasn’t the “main course”. That was still on the way. Even so, at this point, Phoebe’s and my energy mesmerized us both. We couldn’t get enough of each other.

But I had to finish my walk.

So, after that short rendezvous, I asked to give her a hug. She agreed. We hugged, then went our separate ways. I didn’t look back this time.

About three blocks later, the main event hit me like a bolt right between the eyes….

The awesome set up

About a year ago, I had lunch in this same business district with a friend, Mark. After lunch we went for a walk through side streets paralleling the district. Mark and I share a fondness for tiny houses. So it wasn’t too surprising that we came upon a cute little tiny house community. Both of us were stunned at how cute these little homes were. Each one was different but together they created an eclectic mix of eccentric design.

Two of the cottage like tiny houses Mark and I came across.

As we passed these homes, I saw a transgender woman walk into the unit on the left in the photo above. At that time, I thought to myself, “I’d really like to see that girl again and I’d like to know what that place looks like inside…”

Little did I know back then I had set myself up for something wondrous…

Ask and it is given

The Universe always delivers on our desires. We ask, and the Universe delivers. But to receive the delivery we must be there to open the door. That means we must be a match to receiving what it is we ask for. This explains the purpose of telling positive stories. The more positive we are about life, the more we match things we ask for.

We’re always asking. And often, those things which we receive easiest, happen because we don’t think too much about them. In other words, we don’t have as much resistance about what we’re asking for. With these tiny houses and the transgender woman, I made a casual request, not really expecting anything. I just thought it would be nice to see this girl again, and get a tour of those cottages…

So as I walked those three blocks after meeting Phoebe, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Phoebe lived in that tiny house! I just knew it in my bones. This message showed up so clearly in my head…not as a thought I was thinking, but as pure intuition. And THIS was the reason for the rendezvous: It was the manifestation (two really) of my expressed desire made a year ago!

At this point I was so thrilled by this I had to tell Phoebe. So I doubled back towards the grocery. I got to the grocery in perfect timing. For as I rounded the corner, she had just come round from the front of the store. She saw me and smiled, then crossed the street. It was obvious she was happy to see me.

“I’m glad you came here,” she said, not surprised.

A beautiful rendezvous

I told her the story of my walk with Mark. I didn’t tell her the part about touring her home. She confirmed she did, indeed, live in that tiny house. I asked to walk her home, to which she agreed. During that walked I learned we had a lot in common. Like me, she’s a Veteran. She believes in and lives her life mainly from spirit, as I do. We identify similarly and use highly unique, identical pronouns. And, of course, there was that energy. Energy born of her being two-spirit, I learned, and me being transamorous.

I asked for her number, which she readily gave me. Then we arrived at her tiny house. She told me the story of how they were built by a gay contractor specifically for Veterans and disabled Vets. When we arrived at her front door, she invited me in. I wasn’t surprised of course, but pretended I was. She said it was the least she could do since I walked her home.

The place was pretty cool. But what was even more cool was how this all unfolded. It was a perfect demonstration of how effective telling positives stories is. Everyone possesses the ability to create a reality matching their wildest desires.

I’m in the process of creating pretty wild desires. I’m seeing evidence of those desires bearing fruit. What’s really cool is seeing my clients experiencing similar results in their lives. For their experiences add to the assertion that we all create our reality. All that’s needed is telling stories consistent with what we want.

The rest is up to the Universe!

Want to know more about how this is possible? Leave a comment or write me directly.

Post script

I met Phoebe again the following weekend on a perfect, sunny day. We spent three hours together, talking about our lives, things we shared, things we don’t. It was a natural unfolding. And, I knew the fullness of this relationship reached its peak when I toured her home. For there are things about her, and about me which make us not a match for anything other than the wonderful rendezvous we ha and maybe as a budding friendship.

Of course, I’m not at all disappointed by this outcome. It’s actually perfect. A perfect stepping stone to the next wonderful rendezvous I’m sure is on the way…

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A Transgender Woman’s Dream Love Life: What It Looks Like

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

Despite what so many transgender women claim when they write me, this “Your stories create your reality” business really works. Those saying it doesn’t with no evidence to back their claims, and no effort put in to testing it, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Meanwhile my TRANSGENDER clients are finding empowerment, joy and satisfaction knowing they create their reality.

Case in point: Casey (Not her real name). It’s taken her a year and a half to discover how powerful she is. Yet, in that 18 months, she’s realized what I say in this blog over and over: Everyone creates their reality.

Instead of complaining that I’m “blaming the victim” or “saying it’s their fault” for shitty experiences people create, Casey put the practice to the test. She tested it in the only place real results could convince her: In her personal life. And in the 18-months not only has she completely transformed her dating circumstances, she’s changing a whole lot more in the process.

The most prominent change is in her soothed disposition and her belief that she does, indeed, create her reality. Let’s look at how this all started for her.

Men are a threat

When she first contacted me, Casey felt attraction to men. She wanted to be married to a man. Yet, any man that gave her any more than passing attention, Casey interpreted it negatively.

She thought the men would wage violence on her. She thought men looked at her as a “man in a dress”. When men complimented something about her, she would overlook the compliment and get stressed over they guy’s attention.

The first example she gave me in our preliminary session was at a grocery store parking lot. As she walked from her car towards the store, Casey said a guy followed her, “very slowly” in his car.

“I got really scared,” She said.

“What did you think he was going to do?” I asked.

Casey said “I don’t know! I was just scared.”

My first attempt to begin changing her perspective was asking her a question she would have never considered in that experience:

“How do you now that guy staring at you and following you in his car wasn’t attracted to or fascinated about you?” I asked.

The question stunned her.

She never considered the man might have positive reasons for eyeballing her. She, like many transgender women, was too steeped in the statistics. And while stats have some merit….THEY’RE JUST NUMBERS! Anyone who understands statistics knows that when one looks at an individual data point, statistical probabilities almost totally break down. Even statisticians will tell you that.

What’s more, everyone is creating their own reality. Meaning, no one is beholden to a collection of past creations others have created, which is what stats are.

Many people, including transgender women, think statistics say something about their future. They don’t. (Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash)

The stats don’t matter…unless you let the

But transgender women will quote stats until the cows come home about how much at risk they are. They’ll exclaim how “true” they are. And then live in fear.

Not Casey. She was willing to try something different. Why? Because everything else wasn’t working. I wish my clients didn’t wait until they hit rock bottom. But sometimes that’s the only time a human will try something new.

After weeks of sessions, Casey began entertaining more positive stories about why men stared at her. She also started telling more positive stories about her dismal experience with online dating.

She had terrible experiences. Much like many transgender women will tell their friends about. Trans-attracted men were dicks, Casey would say.

“They always text me when drunk. They always want to see my dick or share theirs. I don’t wanna get involved with that shit!” she exclaimed.

I asked if she could come up with other reasons why trans-attracted men would do such things. What reasons could trans-attracted men behave from which would cause them to behave the way they were, I asked.

It took her a while, and a lot of coaching. But over time, Casey began to come up with more positive and empowering reasons for behaviors she’d experience with men.

Those reasons had her feel more compassion and understanding for trans-attracted men. As her feelings about the men softened her experiences gradually started changing.

A big shift

Casey really wants to meet a man in the small town she comes from. Right now, she lives in a big town. She believed at one time that a man who would date her let alone marry her wouldn’t dare live in her hometown. I told her that was bullshit because the universe will give a person anything they want.

Casey also wanted to meet men in person. Men who would take her out on dates. Most men she met online lived across the country or hundreds of miles away. Almost all of them ghosted her after a short online courtship.

But as her stories improved, the men stayed around longer. They expressed more interest in her as a person. Some revealed their own struggles as trans-attracted men. In short, Casey started to see this shift in the men she was meeting (with some terse pointing out on my part).

All this time, I told her her reality was changing as she changed her inner reality. I regularly pointed indications of her improved mood and the improving quality of men she met.

Until one day a man reached out to her online. He lived in the same town as Casey. He wanted to take her out on a date. It was a lot of what Casey asked for. Then, before that guy could followup on the invite ANOTHER guy, this time living about 13 miles outside Casey’s town wrote. He was better than the first guy. But the first guy was extremely sweet.

More evidence…

After a series of long online conversations, this guy, let’s call him Jason, went dark. Casey started complaining about yet another guy ghosting her. But she quickly caught her negative story. She wanted him to reach out, but was also wanting to reach out to him out of insecurity. She felt that if she reached out to him, he’d reach back out to her.

The problem with that strategy is her insecurity would speak way louder than her words. So the guy would pick up on that and give her more of what she’s focusing on: her insecurity. And therefore not reply. I strongly suggested she not take any action. Instead, I suggested she just be open to hearing from him. That’s what she did. And here’s what happened straight from Casey’s phone:

It’s interesting to note something I always beat into my clients: What another person says or does is NEVER about you. It’s always about THEM. But a lot of people, transgender women included, will make things about THEM when it’s really NOT.

A guy sending dick pics is NOT ABOUT YOU.

Someone you’re interested in you ghosting you IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Everything someone does – even if it’s a good thing they do – is ALWAYS about them!

As icing on Casey’s cake, check out the text the guy sent her the next evening. A vast improvement from her past experiences:

Where many trans-attracted guys are when talking with transgender women. Yet, most won’t be honest about how they’re feeling.

This text blew Casey away.

A remarkable shift everyone can experience

This series of events seems extraordinary. It’s not though. What happened here with Casey can happen with ANY transgender woman. It doesn’t matter what her circumstances are because the Universe is ready to deliver to everyone anything they want.

And it IS delivering. What’s keeping the delivery from happening is the person wanting it. That person blocks the delivery with stories inconsistent with what they want.

Notice what Casey said in that final text. She’s expressing empowerment and happiness on a subject many transgender women experience insecurity and fear. Every transgender woman can experience what Casey here expresses. All it takes is a little willingness to tell different stories.

A whole lot more goodness happened with Casey since this guy reached out. But that’s for another post. If you’re wanting experiences, dramatic shifts like Casey’s, in love, or any other subject, you can have it.

And I can help. Contact me and let’s get you going on the road to your lover!

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Men Who “Bottom” Offer Pleasure To Trans Women

Photo by Dainis Graveris, Sexual Alpha

Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading.

Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?

So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.

The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.

An unexpected enlightenment

A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:

A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.

Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.

What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.

Perfect matches exist

Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do.

But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist.

Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.

Focus on wanted, not the opposite

If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him.

But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.

No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.

But they do exist.

A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.

Photo by Dainis Graveris, Sexual Alpha

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[VIDEO] Trans And Trans Attracted Self Loathing Is Rampant.

My love for transgender women has me sharing this video. Hat tip to “Queer Kari” on medium for posting it on her Facebook page. Kari is worth a follow. She’s brilliant AF.

A major reason transgender women revile trans-attracted men comes from what the gender psychologist in the video is saying. Mind you, she specializes in working with the transgender community. So if you need bona-fides, she has them. And based on the video’s comment section, she’s onto something.

Of course, we know all this at The Transamorous Network. Beliefs create reality. And if a person’s life feels full of negative experiences, a state of unworthiness, depression, self-directed anger or lack of self-acceptance exists underneath creating all that. No exceptions.

This psychologist puts her finger on self-loathing’s origins. She doesn’t go far enough though. That’s because her profession doesn’t know anything about nonphysical reality. It won’t acknowledge how life in nonphysical shapes life in physical reality. Still, her explanation clearly resonates. Again, just look at who comments on the video. And what they say.

Why am I sharing this?

I’m sharing this for a couple reasons. The most important being the following. If a transgender woman isn’t aware of her own self-loathing, she will, unbeknownst to her, attract men who reflect that self-distaste right back to her. The same goes for trans-attracted men. So knowing and accepting one’s self-loathing is a critical part of getting over it.

The other reason I’m sharing this is because I care deeply about both trans-attracted men and transgender women. That’s why I share what I know. I want both parties to find love and personal happiness. Clearly, I’m doing something right:

A transgender client texting me after her session. Something about my approach must be working because I get these responses all the time.

Now, the doctor here recommends a solution. She says do things that show we love ourselves. Buy ourselves flowers, for example, she says. The problem with that approach is action will not soothe belief. Only giving attention to new beliefs will soothe existing ones. I show my clients how to do this.

Here’s what happens when a person tries eliminating strong belief with countervailing action. The action AMPLIFIES the current strong belief. That’s because action doesn’t go “deep” enough to affect desired changes. Instead, it just causes the belief to push back.

Try convincing anyone to disbelieve something they strongly believe. You’ll see what I’m saying in action. They’ll defend the belief. They’ll give all kinds of reasons why it’s true. They will push back. It’s very difficult to change belief through action. The best, easiest way involves creating new beliefs. Not acting.

Self-loathing’s vicious cycle

I’ve spoken to many transgender women. Many trans-attracted men too. Nearly all of them struggle with accepting who they are. Their reasons are understandable of course. Society tells them there’s something wrong with them. As the psychologist says below, this indoctrination starts at an early age. Often within families of origin. More often than not the indoctrination is subliminal.

The discomfort people feel while getting indoctrinated tells them something important. But most don’t understand the language of emotions. So they miss the message entirely.

Instead, the discomfort strengthens. It gets so strong, it’s very easy to develop a revulsion around what we are. This revulsion is too much to bear psychologically for many women and trans-attracted men. So then, in the case of a transgender woman, it’s no surprise that when a man shows her natural, normal attraction/interest, as an expression of the man’s NATURAL NORMAL sexual orientation, the transgender woman almost invariably will project her inner self-loathing onto the man.

There’s no way a man can possibly be interested in me, because there’s something wrong with me. So there must be something wrong with him.

Then she will revile the man. Call him chaser or worse. Reject his attention. Such acts further strengthen the vicious cycle proving her unworthiness. It also perpetuates meeting more men who treat her the way she feels about herself. In other words, she matches with men sharing similar inner dialogue (stories).

Self-loathing trans-attracted men loath themselves because they, like the woman, had similar childhood experiences around their sexual curiosities. They feel shame about their trans-attraction and therefore live in the shadows. It’s a wonderful dynamic that CAN transform the experience of both parties for the better.

Awareness is everything

But that rarely happens without outside assistance. That’s because neither side recognizes nor accepts what’s going on inside themselves. Instead, the cycle continues. The women blame the men and vice-versa. The aftermath? Both the men and the women go loveless.

So here’s the gender psychologist telling it like it is. She uses clinical language, but the message is the same:

She tells it in different language, but the message is the same.

Awareness is everything. Unless we acknowledge what’s happening inside us, we rarely develop lives we really want. Indoctrination isn’t always negative. It can lead to certain success. Career success, for example, or financial success. That success usually is lopsided though. Donald Trump, Ted Turner and others have shown how familial indoctrination can result in even mega success. But such success often accompanies great dissatisfaction. Which is why many successful people kill themselves.

Relationships are another story, however. With relationships, inner awareness is crucial. Because human relationships depend heavily on one’s internal reality. That inner reality draws to us people who are our matches. These people match our inner reality. They share similar stories. They also behave the same way we do.

If you think what I offer is New Age BS, then listen to the psychologist in the video above. Her words are different. But she’s saying the exact same thing.

If you’re still struggling in love, it’s likely you are beset by some level of self-loathing. If you’re ready, I can help with that.

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Trans-Attracted Men: Your Struggle Is On You

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

Sometimes I get great responses from transgender women. More and more transgender women who get it write me. I like that. They confirm what I already know. When they do that, I know they are amplifying their own awareness. Including their awareness of the reality of trans-attracted men.

These are the kinds of transgender women I want to surround myself with. Women who are articulate, insightful and intelligent. Transgender women who are not consumed by self-loathing. Self-loathing that they then project onto trans-attracted men. I like interacting with transgender women who are a match to me. Like the woman who wrote me recently. It’s so refreshing when that happens.

By the way, doing what I’m doing here makes it more likely that I meet more such women. While I talk about what I want I get more of what I want. It also represents a basic, essential practice of “stories create your reality“. I’m telling stories about what I want. Doing so, I’m becoming more a match to what I want. And in becoming more of a match, I’m meeting more of the kinds of transgender women I want to acquaint myself with.

I love it when my life proves what I tell my clients. Meanwhile, my clients increasingly discover how effective telling positive stores is too.

It’s not easy at first. But after some practice, they get good at it. Then anything becomes possible.

One transgender woman to another

A regular reader of my articles on a social media website recently shared her perspective. Her perspective didn’t surprise me because this transgender women is brilliant AF. It doesn’t surprise me she also happens to be an artist. Artists have built-in connection with the wisdom of All That Is. In other words, they can access more readily, wisdom at the center of All That Is and express it as art. That’s why they create art.

Being transgender AND an artist is a major gift this woman gives to herself. I don’t know if she realizes how special she is, but I realize it. This is why when she shared her view, it didn’t surprise me. But what she wrote was so accurate, I had to share it.

Here’s the article she responded to. In it I raved about a telephone conversation I enjoyed with a trans-attracted guy. He reached out to me after looking at The Transamorous Network’s instagram profile. The guy inspired me so much I just had to share details of who he was. I’m glad I did. What I got in return was gold.

It’s up to you men

Genivieve began her response with a well-deserved critique on transgender women’s perspective on men:

“To be upset about being fetishized is to misunderstand men. Men objectify everything they desire. It’s not just Trans women. Cis women are equally objectified if not more so. It’s the way men fixate on their prey so to speak. It’s generally something they discovered earlier in life as they are first becoming a sexual being. Like being imprinted, it remains for life as their primary attraction.”

Imagine if more transgender women understood this. Hell, it would be great if Cis women understood this! It would take a lot of sting out of being objectified. Objectification needn’t be a triggering event. And it isn’t, when the person being objectified doesn’t tell stories about it that personalize it. That’s a more empowering way of looking at it anyway. Because when a man objectifies, it’s not personal! Well, it’s personal for him. But that’s all.

Like Genivieve says, men objectify pretty much everything they want. Not just women. They objectify cars, money, certain occupations. Again, it’s not personal. It’s just a process men use.

But — and here’s the kicker — men aren’t the only ones doing this. Women do it too. As offended as they get about it, women objectify men as well. They do the same to women sometimes. They even do it to themselves. Maybe not as much or as overtly as men. But that may be because society conditions women to conceal their very natural objectifying tendencies. If that conditioning weren’t there, my guess is women would take men’s objectifications less personally. And they’d be more transparent about when they objectify others.

But that’s another story.

The struggle of not taking objectification personally is a struggle. But it doesn’t need to be.

It’s on you men

Later in her comment, Genivieve gets to the heart of the matter. I love this because she pulls no punches. Nor need she. The bolded parts are made here for emphasis:

“The key with all men is to understand and allow them what they crave. If you want to keep a man’s interest, you must first be what he is actually attracted to. The social struggle for Trans-attracted men is the difficult part. That work is on them. Once we all can openly embrace who and what we are, we can live more simply and happily with someone that we can love completely.”

Hear, hear Genivieve! Indeed, trans-attracted men, your path is laid out before you. It’s on you to figure it out. No one’s going to do that for you. The thing is though, you took on this task yourself before you came into a body. So you’re up to the difficulty.

In fact, when you decided to come into the world as trans-attracted, you didn’t see it as going to be hard. You saw it as the great opportunity that it is. The opportunity to live in a new way. A new way that would help nudge humanity towards greater diversity, openness and expansion. And you knew you would be better because of the journey. The same is true for every transgender woman.

The crux of the matter

And this is why trans-attracted men and transgender women have the potential to be perfect mutual matches. That they often come together amidst all kinds of drama, blame, anger and frustration is the flip side of that mutual match potential.

And this is why I do what I do for both transgender women and trans-attracted men. So much potential for love exists between these two groups. If only both sides can get over their disempowering stories, then approach one another from understanding born of realization. I write these articles to nudge both sides to that realization.

It happens one person at a time. When it does, the sparks of love shine and everything becomes possible. Everything becoming possible first starts with you loving yourself. Or as Gen puts it: “openly embrac[ing] who and what we are”.

Trans or trans-attracted you’re meant to enjoy everything you desire. But as Gen says, it’s on you to get to that enjoyment. If you’re ready, I can help.

By the way, if you want to follow Genivieve on Medium, be my guest!