I’m constantly on edge in my relationship with Muriel. That’s because I never know when she’s going to blow my mind.
That’s what happened this morning while chatting with her online. We talked about having sex with trans women. As our conversations usually do, this one got deep, quick.
Balls deep.
Specifically, we talked about the ins and outs of anal sex. No pun intended.
Some transgender clients express slight frustration with particulars of that sex style. After all, vaginal sex doesn’t require preparations necessary for good, clean anal. So some of my trans clients have less interest in sex at frequencies compatible with what they believe men will want.
Men will want sex more often than my clients, they say. Because of that, my clients fear they won’t be able to satisfy their men. It requires too much preparation. Other clients express lack of sexual interest due to HRT medication. That too, they fear will cause dissatisfaction in their partners.
Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.
As my GF and I talked about this, she went off. She shared a perspective I wasn’t prepared for. A perspective offering a no BS take on what anal is really about, what it offers and what it doesn’t. She also waxed poetically on a problem she thinks many trans women have:
I wonder how many trans women look at their sexual parts this way. Help me out: do you think you offer a substandard alternative to vaginal sex? Are you also thinking their partners won’t want anal as an alternative?
Muriel obviously has thought this over. Perhaps it’s something every trans woman must come to grips with. Muriel has come to a great place on it:
I think she has a point about trans women seeing themselves as second class. Second class to cis women. AND second class in terms of what they offer male partners sexually.
But there are plenty of men who enjoy anal sex. And, just to be clear, there are plenty of cis-women who enjoy anal over vaginal sex too. I even dated one some time ago. She LOVED getting it in the ass!
Meanwhile, as we all know, anal sex comes with poop. Trying to clean all that out prior to sex does offer logistics that can put the kibosh on spontaneity. It doesn’t have to though. Nor does the butt need to play second fiddle to the vagina. For women without a vagina, the “anal isn’t an alternative to vagina” must be unraveled. It’s not an alternative. It’s something altogether different.
No apologies
And this is where self affirmation comes in. Self affirmation means finding worthiness in who we are as we are. Self validation is another word for it. It’s the opposite of “outside validation”, which I argue a lot of trans women have trouble with.
So do trans-attracted men, btw.
After all, trans-attracted men on the DL are on the DL because they fear others’ opinions of their desires. In other words, they validate their desires and selfhood based on what others think about those things. Some trans women do the same thing. And that’s why both DL men and some trans women find one another. They are perfect matches.
Muriel isn’t about any of that. She’s not about apologizing for what she is. I love that. That and her humor:
It’s not about the sex
Obviously the choice to have a vagina or not has more to do with identity than where one wants a dick. Many (most?) trans women who opt for a vagina do so because it completes them. Sex may be a secondary consideration. Or, maybe, sex doesn’t even figure in.
So trans women who want a vagina needn’t be triggered by this story. It’s really not about them. This story is really not about sex either. It’s about my GF opinions. Opinions I find endearing.
I shared these opinions with a trans-attracted client of mine. His response: “I love the confidence expressed in these texts” he said.
I agree.
Muriel’s confidence is so attractive. So is her self awareness. I can see how cleaning up my own stories about myself, my transamory and about trans women have made me a match to her. For that, I’m grateful for what I’ve done.
I think Muriel is too.
PS — Did you like that pun in the headline? If so, drop me a message. I thought it was perfect.
