Tag: transamorous men

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A Transgender Match Exists For Every Type Of Guy

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

It’s easy finding our match when we understand that our stories determine who we’re meeting. This applies whether we’re transgender or trans-attracted.

But in this post, let’s look specifically at trans-attracted men looking for a transgender partner. What I’m sharing today applies equally to transgender women looking for a partner. In short, stories create reality. And when our stories contradict what we want, we can’t get what we want, no matter how hard we try. Not until we do something about the stories we’re telling.

For example, many trans-attracted men look for transgender women who will top them. This is an extremely triggering thing for many transgender women. But not all of them.

The reason some transgender women get triggered so strongly when guys express this legitimate desire, makes sense when we understand it. Some (not all) transgender women tell extremely disempowering stories about the penis that came with their male body. Such stories create equally extreme negative emotions. The psychological community calls these negative emotions “dysphoria”.

But all that’s happening is the woman is confronting all the stories in her head about her body AND what she knows herself to be. She’s focusing on what she doesn’t want (the penis) instead of what she wants. Doing so, she amplifies the negative experience. So uncomfortable the amplification can get, that she literally might want to cut her penis off. Or commit suicide. Or she might vomit any time she has a penis-stimulated orgasm. Like this transgender woman explains:

Self-loathing meets itself

Meanwhile, trans-attracted guys experience similar situations. His negative stories about his attraction for transgender women causes in him equally strong negative emotions. So instead of embracing what he wants and thinking about what he wants in a positive way, he will amplify his own discomfort. Do that long enough and he, too, will consider suicide.

Yet, the guy can’t deny his attraction because it is an innate part of who he is! Just as the transgender woman can’t escape the fact that she is trans. Even if she’s 100 percent deep stealth. See where this is going?

The transgender woman focuses on her hatred of her penis. The guy equally struggles with his trans attraction. At the same time, both want a relationship. So what should we expect happens? Of course, these two people will find each other because they are perfect matches, reflecting to each other their own lack of self-acceptance combined with their matching desires. It’s not rocket science!

It’s no wonder the guy’s intense negative focus causes him to express, to the trans woman, however clumsily and even insensitively, his desire to be topped or to suck a dick. He has no consideration for how the trans woman might be feeling about her penis. He’s too preoccupied. But get this: the transgender woman equally has no compassion for what the guy is going through either. For the same reason.

Both parties are oblivious to the other person’s experience. It’s no wonder a firestorm happens when these two come together. It’s no wonder neither has compassion for the other. Still, they are a perfect match! But that match is based in extreme negativity.

How to meet that better match

Getting out of this conundrum is simple. The answer for both parties is getting out of preoccupation with negative focus/stories. Then, instead, focusing on what each party wants. Not what they don’t want. This is harder to do than to explain. But every client I work with eventually gets there.

Meanwhile, trans-attracted male bottoms, plenty of women out there LOVE their penis. For your viewing pleasure, listen to two of them talk about it themselves. Here’s the first. Here’s the second. Both are categorized on YouTube as “age restricted”. So I can’t embed them here. By the way, there are plenty of men who prefer post-op women. Men who will fuck them like they fuck cis-gender woman. There’s a match for everyone, in other words.

Everyone can enjoy anything we want. It starts with sorting out our stories, then focusing on stories supporting what we want, instead of focusing on stories about what we don’t. Do that and our lives improve dramatically. Then eventually we’ll meet our matches. No exceptions.

But if we wallow in stories about things we hate, dislike, wish weren’t true, etc., we get stuck.

Feeling stuck? Let’s get you unstuck.

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Why Millions Of Men Are Now Trans-Attracted

Photo by Nicholas Green on Unsplash

It’s no wonder to me that many more men are coming out trans-attracted. Transgender women complaining about the lack of such men can’t see what I see though. That’s because their beliefs about such men make such men invisible. Even though the women are surrounded by them.

Such women are like a previous trans-attracted client. He thought no transgender women existed in his city. That is, until he changed his beliefs. If trans women complaining about finding a man changed their beliefs, they’d find available men everywhere.

Instead, many transgender women go on complaining about their lack of prospects, when there are literally millions of trans-attracted men out there. And more are coming out nearly every year. The data back this up.

That’s what I’m going to talk about in this post. That and why so many men are turning out trans-attracted. By the way, this also means there are more trans-attracted people coming out who are not men. That’s right, more women are declaring themselves trans-attracted too.

What this all means is, transgender women have no justification for complaining about being single or not finding a partner, if they want one. The only reason that’s happening is because they don’t believe having a partner is possible.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The proof is plain

A Medium.com writer turned me on to statistics showing a massive increase in people – especially men – interested in transgender people. Now, the jaded, the frustrated, the perpetually complaining transgender women are going to read the following and scoff. And when they do that, they’re just amplifying their own beliefs. Not saying anything about what’s really happening.

So if you’re one of those women, dear reader, CHECK YOURSELF! You are the one preventing yourself from finding a partner. No one else. That’s because no one else is creating your reality but YOU.

Ok, here’s the evidence.

According to one of the largest porn sites on the internet, searches for transgender-explicit content is now the seventh most popular content searched for. Searches for “trans” grew by 141 percent in 2021. Views of such content grew by over twenty percent, placing that content among the top ten content viewed on the site.

Dr. Laurie Betito, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and director of the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center, says many explanations support the increase.

“Increasingly, marginalized sexuality is coming out of the shadows,” she says. “We are talking about sex more, we are more free to explore our sexual fantasies with less judgment attached. Our sexual curiosity is coming out of the closet. When it comes to Trans individuals, we are now seeing more and more people who are portrayed in mainstream media, thus making trans porn more intriguing, more available and more accepted.”

There’s another reason for the increase too. It has to do with the men.

Burgeoning self-acceptance

More men are discovering their irresistible attraction to transgender people. Some of these men are shocked and dismayed by their discoveries. But that’s no matter. Other men go straight to the transamory phase of the Chaser to Transamorous Journey.

But most of them must go step-by-step through their journey. They must cope with and gradually overcome their initial shock, shame, and embarrassment. Yes, their titillation as well.

For just as many transgender women go through their “slutty vixen” stage, men go through their version of that on their journey. So, yes, many of these men are watching porn. They’re also exploring. They explore just like transgender women who first explore their sexuality as women.

I don’t understand why transgender women don’t understand this, bring more compassion to the table, and thus, find themselves with a partner. Then again, I do understand. Because I talk with such transgender women all the time. It’s hypocritical to negatively judge men for their journey when so many transgender women go through their versions of the exact same journey.

Self acceptance is a problem a lot of humans deal with which keeps them from enjoying what they want. Especially in relationships. (Photo by Caroline Veronez)

The Universe answers all

There’s another reason why so many men are discovering the wonder and beauty and value embodied by transgender women. It’s a reason Dr. Betito doesn’t acknowledge though. Probably because her profession doesn’t consider it a real thing.

When anyone has a desire, the Universe will immediately answer it. It will instantly fulfill that desire. But to receive the fulfillment as their reality, those who desire it must let it in.

Transgender women have been asking for men to love them since they’ve been around. Their asking has increased in recent years. In addition, more people, especially young ones, are declaring their authenticity as trans.

Well, all that declaring and asking, the Universe is answering. There MUST be men willing to love trans women if the women are asking. And the women are asking. Thus, men MUST SHOW UP in response. That’s what we’re seeing.

So, transgender reader. If you’re without a partner, you have no one to blame – if you must blame someone – other than the person in the mirror. Your complaints about the men you meet keep you meeting those men. If you want something different, you can’t keep doing the same things.

I suggest you try something different. If you’re ready, I can help. Did I mention my results are guaranteed?

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Why Are Trans-Attracted Men So Weak!

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’m trans. I’ve often thought that all it will take is a few fearless men to shift culture.

There’s this one guy who I’ve been talking with for years. He pursues me. He is charming, respectful and good looking. We met up once, and it was the best sex of my life. And yet, his parents would never accept him dating me, so he keeps me at a distance. That’s what we deal with all the time. Men who are otherwise good men, but are too weak to fully own their full selves.

I don’t want to hold their hands like a mom and lead them into this. They need to develop fearlessness on their own. So, I’m left just feeling sad that these many many men are too afraid to man up.

I think that if a few powerful men set an example, other men will see that power, and have permission to follow. If someone like Dave Chappelle talked about how he’s attracted to trans women, and he doesn’t give a fuck about judgement, that would shift culture. Instead, he makes entire comedy specials wrestling with his obsession with us, and projecting his shame onto us.

Not only would it give men permission to be open and honest if a few men were open, but it would also be the very thing that made men far far more attractive to us. There’s nothing that’s sexier than a man who stands in his full power and owns who he really is. That’s the sort of thing that makes me want to fall to my knees.🥰

Tired of the weak men

Hey Tired,

Thanks for your eloquence. What I’m sharing here may sound harsh, but I swear, I don’t mean it that way. I want you to have what you want. And it’s so close! But like many of my clients, I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot regarding what you want. 

I’m not trying to offend you. Please remember this as you read on.

There has been at least one prominent man (Actor Malik Yoba) who proudly “outed” himself as trans-attracted. There are many men, not as prominent, coming out too. I featured many in my YouTube videos. And some of them have their own YouTube channels. I was just talking with one last week. Let me know if you’d like the link to his channel.

As in many cases, where we seek solutions to problems, we think a single act can solve it. Many people think, for example, that if just one prominent guy comes out and owns his attraction, others will too. I don’t think there’s a silver bullet here wrt transgender women and men who love them both finding “out loud” love. No matter how many prominent men come out, it’s always going to eventually be up to the individual to do the work. Other men can ease the strain of that, like the abundance of transgender people living out loud and successful today have helped other trans people live authentically. But ultimately, if we’re waiting for some shining knight to break us free, we’re going to have to wait a long time.

I have a question for you about your experience you shared about this wonderful seeming guy, who has so many characteristics you desire. I hope you will really consider what I’m offering in this question. I think it could cause for you a tremendous breakthrough. Then I’m going to follow the question with the rationale behind why I ask it. I share this rationale often with my transgender clients. Ok, here’s the question:

Why not take this man you describe as being so desirable in so many ways by the hand, not like “a mom” but like a supportive, empowering lover, and walk with him through to his self acceptance?

Here now is the rationale: Here you have this guy. This guy has so many of the qualities you’re looking for. He clearly (at least from what you’ve written,) satisfies you in so many ways. And yet, instead of YOU being courageous and daring and helping him walk this path as a supportive potential partner, you’re willing to cast all that goodness aside? Why???? Why are you being so stubborn about this? Because you’re judging him as weak?

He’s not being weak. He doesn’t want to offend or cause heartache for his parents. That’s not weakness. That’s what nearly every man has been indoctrinated to be relative to their parents. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m saying that’s they way it is. And powerful spiritual dynamics drive this what-is-ness that you overlook in calling it “weakness”. 🙄

I think transgender women (and people in general) think they’re going to find this perfect person who will be fearless and have no issues. Meanwhile, in that very moment, they are themselves dealing with issues of their own. EVERYONE WILL HAVE SOMETHING THEY NEED TO GROW INTO. And some of those things are fucking hard to grow into because they challenge very powerful social, familial and cultural indoctrinations hardly anyone avoids. There are LOTS of transgender people who go through exactly this. Yet, here you are (as an example) expecting the total package to show up ready to sweep you off your feet when you, yourself, most likely, had to come into yourself over time and still are, again, most likely.

That’s the same thing this guy is doing.

Here’s this guy possessing many of the qualities you want in a guy….and you’re doing exactly what he’s doing. He keeps you at a distance, so you do the same thing. Are you really being strong here? Or are YOU being weak.

Kettle, meet pot.

The guy is reflecting back to you who you’re being. If you want someone like this guy but without familial issues, you must stop being who YOU’RE being. You’re pointing your finger at this guy, while your other three fingers are pointing right back at you, Megan. Are you picking up the words I’m putting down here?

Now, you can meet a guy who will be fearless about his appreciation for you and even not care about what anyone thinks. But, I say this from experience, so long as you tell the stories you’re telling about trans-attracted men in general, and this guy specifically, you’re not going to meet such a man because you’re not a match to him.

But you can be.

You write: There’s nothing that’s sexier than a man who stands in his full power and owns who he really is. That’s the sort of thing that makes me want to fall to my knees.🥰

In case you don’t realize it, you’re corresponding with such a person. I don’t write this to imply you should date me. I write it to preempt any sort of defensiveness or double-downing you might come back with. Think about what you’ve just read. This guy pursuing you can be the guy with whom a tremendous relationship blossoms. But YOU must be the fearless one. Not he.

TTN

Dear TTN,

I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s complex with this man I know because his form of holding me at a distance is to meet trans girls for sex. I’ve expressed my desire for more, and he wished me luck with that. He’s clearly saying to me that he’s not open to more. I don’t want to be his booty call. I don’t want to be one of his many side girls. That doesn’t turn me on, and yet that’s all he can offer, given his situation and how he’s choosing to relate to it. It just feels like to do anything more would be to pine over him in a needy way. I’ve already been clear of what I want, a loving devoted relationship. Yes, I want the great sex, but that’s not something I will settle for.

I don’t mind you being blunt with me, by the way. I very much respect that. Lol, it even sort of excites me, because I love being in that space of growth and potential opening.

Thank you for your wonderful response. 🙏

Hi Again Tired

I understand what you’re describing here. I wouldn’t want to be his booty call either. LOL

It sounds like his road is going to be a long one. Based on my experience with trans-attracted guys, I don’t think his current trend will continue though. At some point, he’s going to get tired of booty calls and want something more. That could mean something becomes available with him.

But I TOTALLY agree with you: you needn’t wait for that. And I certainly would not advocate pining for anyone, especially in a needy way. Yuck.

I love that you’re clear about what you want Megan. Me too. And I, like you, find excitement in that space of growth and potential opening.

TTN

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Finally A Transgender Woman’s Advice Speaks Truth

Photo by Oleg Laptev on Unsplash

So many transgender women blame men for their dating experiences. I hear their complaints often through correspondence here at The Transamorous Network.

Some say men only want dick picks. Once they get sex they want, the women say, the men ghost them. Transgender women complain about how men won’t date them in public. They also complain about men who “are otherwise good men, but are “too weak” to fully own their full selves.”

Meanwhile, I must sound like a broken record. I’m sure some roll their eyes when I say “you meet these kinds of men because you’re a match to them. Change the stories about men you’re meeting and you’ll meet different men. If you don’t, you’ll keep meeting these men you revile.”

Here’s a perfect example of a typical response I get:

Well, dear transgender women readers, if you won’t listen to me, perhaps you’ll listen to a fellow transgender woman. This person is not a client. And yet what she shares is exactly what I tell my clients repeatedly.

In a story she wrote for Halloween, she acknowledged her past experiences which showed her how she perfectly matched men she met. Not only does she describe it perfectly, she also acknowledges the fact: every transgender woman creates every situation they experience.

Indeed. And that includes men they meet. Here’s the author’s own words:

“…I was…attracting the wrong kind of men. It turns out that you get what you fish for. If you use trampy bait, you will get trampy men. If you’re advertising sex, men will expect it.”

The gold is within

In other words, who we’re being, creates experiences we get. If we’re getting a certain kind of man, we’re creating him. So the solution is do something about who we’re being. Complaining about what we’re getting won’t work!

This transgender woman shares so much gold. The story is worth reading in its entirety. In it she confronts her own stories, who she was being, and in doing so, she owns having created her past experiences. Then she changes who she was being, first by examining what stories she put out in the past, then conjuring new stories about what she wanted.

Is it any wonder this transgender woman is in a relationship? Here’s some more gold:

“What I need to consider is what do I want a man to see when he does notice me? What kind of man am I interested in? That just gets me back to understanding myself. What do I like and what do I want to call into my life? Do I want to call in a seedy one-night stand or a man who is interested in some deeper part of me? In my case, I decided on the latter.”

A human being is a powerful, eternal expression of All That Is. In that expression we enjoy full free will. We can create any experience we desire. No one else does it but us.

The question remains then: when transgender women blame men for their experiences, who really is to blame? Is there really blame to assign? Or is it really the case of an eternal being (the trans woman), having chosen to come into the world as trans, figuring out the best way to joy, but getting stuck in her shoddy creations?

Those are questions every transgender woman should seriously consider.

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When Past Clients Keep Getting Great Results

I love it when a past transgender or trans-attracted client writes me to share results they’re still getting from telling positive stories. It’s a fringe benefit I enjoy: seeing the power of “stories create reality” in past clients.

People who understand and then implement that line get positive results that keep on coming.

That’s why I’m not surprised when clients write sharing their continuing wonder at how great their life keeps getting. When they share, their evidence amplifies my own. I get charge reading their ongoing results as much as I enjoy getting my own results.

When we tell only positive stories about our experience, we start seeing the world differently from most other people. One client for example, shared how, before her practice, her life mainly was composed of worry, dissatisfaction and boredom. She felt some contentment every now and then. But she knew nothing like what she discovered after she changed stories she told about life. She said nearly all her friends still consistently live the way she once did.

That confirms my experience. Most people just don’t know how great life is. But a joyful life can show up for anyone. All it takes: a willingness to deliberately focus. Today, this client is loving life. She’s finding herself consistently in wonder and amazement. For her, boredom, worry and dissatisfaction no longer show up. She’s gotten so much reward, she’s now an advanced practitioner and finding even greater levels of wonder.

The upward spiral is real y’all

On my other blog, I wrote about the positive feedback loop clients get from this practice. Life just gets better and better. By telling positive stories about life, life becomes a virtuous upward spiral. Gradually, subjects we care about improve. And the more they improve, the more they improve.

That’s because of the positive-feedback-loop nature of the practice. Meaning, continuing improvement births even more continuing improvement. And no limits exist to how improved life gets!

A Positively Focused practice (telling positive stories) creates an unending, increasingly joyful life.

So when a past trans client recently wrote me, I wasn’t surprised at how great his (he uses he/him pronouns) life keeps getting. Instead, I congratulated him. Consistently telling positive stories takes some doing. Especially if life isn’t going so well at first. After a while though, it’s just automatic. It’s automatic because that’s the way our Broader Perspective wants us living. And from there, all we desire becomes possible.

But a peculiar thing clients experience surprises them. It’s how they see how different other people experience life. Which is what this client shared:

It’s so great hearing from clients living joyful lives. I love that I’m a part of that change in their lives. It’s a fringe benefit I enjoy from helping others find their connection to the life many think impossible. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people.

The thing is, everything is possible. The only thing limiting life are stories we tell about life. Want to change your stories? Contact me.