Trans-attraction - The Transamorous Network

January 11, 2022November 26, 2021

A Trans Woman’s Worst Nightmare

The Transamorous Network offers free 1:1s for trans-attracted men or trans women to chat with us and learn whether what we offer can help them live more fulfilling, happy lives.

Most times those conversations offer insight and satisfaction for everyone involved. In rare instances though, something else happens.

That’s what happened this morning. This conversation offered insight into what many trans women experience in their attempts to fulfill their relationship dreams. It also sheds light on why trans women degrade men who naturally find them attractive.

A classic connection

Not many schedule a Free 1:1. Especially since we implemented a $25 refundable fee to dissuade men who schedule a free session (perhaps while drunk or high) then don’t show up.

We know what we offer the trans community benefits that community. Over time we’ve spoken to many, many trans-attracted men, trans women and people who don’t fit in those categories, yet express trans-attraction. Many such people thank us for what we do. But seeing our clients transform their lives prove what we offer helps.

Then there’s “Josh”.

Josh got on his free 1:1 this morning. Hispanic and in his 60s, Josh has been single for 18 years. Before that he was married to a cis woman, who divorced him after she discovered him cheating with another cis woman.

Like many trans-attracted men, Josh’s past includes experiences where he learned about and enjoyed sex with men at an early age. He also enjoyed and still enjoys wearing clothing seen by society as “Women’s clothes”. He wears nylons and garters under his male clothes and loves wearing negliges at night.

Josh married a cis-woman because, in his words, he was “battling what he really wanted” which included expressing submissive characteristics in bed.

And also, like many trans-attracted men, Josh first encountered trans women through porn. This happened in the last year, and since that discovery, Josh found himself irresistibly trans-attracted.

Marriage often, but not always, can smoke screen what’s really going on for both parties. Which is why they often end in divorce.

Stereotypes prove the rule

Many trans women encounter men like Josh. Josh is in his very early stage of the chaser to transamorous journey. This was clear from the first few seconds. He referred to trans women as “shemales” and “transexuals”. He fixated on the idea that they had penises and expected a trans woman would be happy being with a man who dresses in women’s clothes.

Josh expressed fantasies of him “doing” the trans woman and then her “doing” him. When I asked what else he liked about trans women beyond his ideas of what sex would be like, he offered very little.

“I like that I could take her out, wine and dine her,” he answered. “Then we’d come home and cuddle on the couch, with me in my lingerie.”

He mentioned nothing about what this trans woman might think, whether she might be intelligent, thoughtful, generous, kind, interested in world events, or interested in having children. Josh didn’t consider the amazingly admirable fortitude needed to go through what trans women do to align with what they know they are. In other words, he didn’t see his future partner as a person.

Still in the closet

When I gently explained more dimensions to trans women exist beyond where he focused, I felt him almost immediately become defensive. I explained how “shemale” and “transexual” were not the best terms, which he accepted. Then, changing the subject deliberately, I asked him what his friends and family thought about him wearing women’s clothes.

“Oh they don’t know,” he said. “They’d be devastated.”

“Why does that stop you from being who you authentically are and sharing that with them?” I asked.

He said he didn’t think he was being inauthentic by not sharing all of who he is. So I explained to him that so long as he wasn’t out and about about who and what he really is, and what he really likes, finding a match to what he wants will present challenges. I also suggested the way he talks about trans women indicates he isn’t quite ready to meet someone. Trying to do so, I suggested, would produce unhappy outcomes.

That’s when the conversation shifted for Josh.

Being on the down low (DL) indicates for the down low person that he harbors stories creating a reality he’d rather not have. But the DL person doesn’t know that, which is why he’s getting the results he gets, including feeling of shame and insecurity. (Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash)

Why women meet men like Josh

“Who do you think you are?” he responded. “You don’t know me.”

“I’m going off of what you’ve told me,” I said. “And what hundreds of men and trans women have told me.”

Josh didn’t like that. I suggested he had a lot of preconceived ideas about trans women. Those ideas, I tried to explain, would cause him more difficulty than satisfaction because he’s not a match to what he thinks he really wants, which is a loving relationship with someone who happens to be trans.

Josh told me I was not making sense, that I was not listening. Moments later he hung up.

Clearly these kinds of men exist. They are the kinds of trans-attracted men trans women meet a lot of the time. They aren’t ready to meet anyone seriously because they’re still trying to figure themselves out.

Experience often presents the best “figuring out” opportunity. Often that means meeting trans women via sex worker venues, or through dating sites. And, usually, that means men like Josh meet women who match who Josh is being.

That means a trans woman on equal story footing. Such trans women, like Josh, are unclear about what they want, insecure in their own self-acceptance, and harbor inaccurate stories about dating, what’s possible and what they want. In many ways, they’re transgender versions of Josh. So they’re perfect matches.

The best way, believe it or not, to meet your ideal match is becoming that which you’re wanting. That means seeing the best in everything you experience. That’s what telling the best stories is all about. (Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

Trans women don’t need Josh

Just because men like Josh exist doesn’t mean such men need be part of a trans woman’s experience. But they will when a trans woman harbors stories which make them a match to such men. If you’re trans and you think Josh is a “tranny chaser”, for example, that story tells me you’re on track to meet your Josh.

And yet, such men and the women they match with benefit each other. Through experiences with each other, a trans woman and such a man learns what stories need attention. It’s good knowing that because, if they don’t know what stories need attention, neither person fulfills their dreams. Particularly when it comes to relationships. Which is why many compromise.

So while men like this comprise many a trans woman’s nightmare, they can also be the best thing that happens to a trans woman. For in the experience the woman and the man stand in opportunity. Seizing that opportunity guarantees a new experience with better matches offering better opportunity.

Better matches don’t come guaranteed. People sometimes never get over their negative stories. That doesn’t mean you can’t be the exception because they’re always are. The question is: are you?

January 4, 2022November 22, 2021

Better Results Always Get Greater

I love knowing that life always gets better. Nothing beats that knowing other than seeing it happen. Seeing it happen is what makes telling the right stories so fun. Especially when it comes to trans-attracted love.

But people, especially in relationships, believe in “too good to be true” or, waiting “for the other shoe to drop”. They expect something negative is always out there. Something is always out there, especially in relationships, waiting to go wrong.

There’s never a need for “the other shoe to drop”. Unless, of course, you expect that. What a person expects, happens. So when I respond to questions from trans women or trans-attracted men about why their love life isn’t working, I always tell them it is working. They get exactly what they expect.

The reason why people think their love lives don’t work is because they don’t understand what’s happening. Often a person will think they’re expecting what they want. But actually, they’re doing the exact opposite. As one client recently described here on our YouTube Channel:

A client totally nails it…

So a person might think they’re expecting what they want, but aren’t. Then when what they want doesn’t happen, they’re oblivious as to why.

The power of momentum

Momentum creates everything. But one must understand which direction their momentum builds. Momentum can happen in the direction of what someone doesn’t want. But, when a person tells the right stories consistently, that focus creates momentum which ensures desired relationships. My housemate situation illustrated this perfectly.

For the last year, I’ve enjoyed two housemates matching perfectly my positive focus. A third moved in at the beginning of the year who started off looking like a match. But in short order they proved how unmatched they were.

So instead of focusing on those things not matching what I wanted, I instead did as I did before with previous mis-match housemate situations: I focused on what it would be like not having them there.

It was no wonder then this past summer this person announced they made other living arrangements. I knew that meant my housing situation would improve. So instead of thinking about how wonderful it was that this person soon would be gone, I focused on the next person and how great of a match – a better match – they would be.

My landlord reflects me perfectly

Since living here so long, I enjoy a great relationship with my landlords. We’ve seen renters come and go and we work well together screening potential applicants.

I can’t help infusing that process with my positive focus, which sometimes kind of gets on my landlord’s nerves, because it can look like I’m rather passive with screening applicants in a timely manner.

I know scarcity consciousness drives much behavior which looks like “responsiveness”. After all, if something offered to me is mine, it doesn’t matter how timely or not I respond. It’s mine. I bring this same approach to screening potential housemates: the right housemate in no way can be deterred from moving in. My stories drive what happens in my life. Not “responsiveness”.

But my landlord doesn’t know this. She believes “doing” makes all the difference. Including being responsive.

I love when my environment reflects back to me how I focus in the world. One day my landlord and I had an exchange over text that perfectly illustrated this. We differed on our approaches to filling the vacancy.

My landlord telling me how it is…and me, soothing her concerns.

Of course I didn’t want to further inflame differences between us, so while saying I’d defer to her approach, I kept up with my predominant focus on my stories rather than any action I take. 🤣

All beliefs proven “true”

When a person lives in the world of “doing”, that world confirms their beliefs. For example, my landlord believes her attention to detail, prompt comms and quick scheduling of viewings makes all the difference. But I know all that action pales in comparison to holding true to the knowing that the Universe handles all this and my action means very little in my life unfolding.

But if a person (like my landlord) believes action makes all the difference, that person’s life will confirm such beliefs as “true”. And in that truth, one better take prompt action or else.

Any belief believed long enough will produce corresponding realities proving that belief true. The problem with belief in actions as being predominant factors for desires becoming things is, when it comes to desires where you feel powerless to act, such desires seem impossible.

If I want a partner, and I don’t know what action to take to get her, the powerlessness I might feel indicates I have stories preventing me from getting what I want. “Action makes all the difference” could be (and often is) one such story.

Soothing such stories creates a life proving what my landlord says I know; that the Universe delivers. I trust in that because that’s what my stories have created a life full of. So I KNOW this to be.

My landlord doesn’t and that’s ok.

The uncanny proving itself

But then my landlord sent the following story which totally confirmed what she knew about me: the universe will orchestrate people out of the path who are not a match to what I want and deliver those who are:

I know our views, my landlord and mine, are more similar that she thinks. But her upbringing has her kind of focusing more in the “doing space” than me. That’s ok. Because days and several bad fits later, she sent another text:

Unstoppable coordination

It was a perfect unfolding. Joe first connected with my landlord for a room she had in her house, but the timing/match delayed that consummation so the unfolding would continue such that he became my housemate!

Right around the same time, one of my other housemates gave notice. She’s horny. 😂 And she needs privacy and room to…uh…entertain. So she’s finding a place where she can live alone.

Instead of being upset about that, I knew her moving out, as great a housemate as she was/is, means the next person is going to be even better. That has me feeling extremely positive about her moving out.

And that’s the key to everything. I could be disappointed and feeling loss at having a good fit moving out. I could also feel worried the next person won’t be as good.

But what good do such thoughts do? They only set up circumstances such that I get what I think about. So doesn’t it make sense to think about what I want, not what I fear?

I think so.

Having done that consistently enough through the years shows me, not only does it make sense, it always turns great results in to greater results. Just like I prefer it. And by the way, Joe moved in last Wednesday. He’s great!

December 28, 2021November 10, 2021

Trans Women: You Always Meet The Best Men Out There

Transgender women: guys you’re meeting are the best ones you’re going to meet. Until you change your stories about the men you’re meeting.

A client got this clearly recently after we talked about guys she’s meeting. She lives in Michigan. Most of the men she meets are drug dealers, down low men, men who just want her for sex, men with no steady employment, and men who have nothing really interesting going on.

“They’re just not interesting to talk to,” She said.

So while talking about these men, I asked her what was something all these men had in common. Of course, she repeated the list above. What she didn’t realize was the biggest common denominator these men shared….was her.

Well over four million men live in Michigan. Why is this trans woman only meeting the men she’s meeting? Are you, dear reader, going to tell me it’s because those kinds of men are the only one’s interested in trans women?

Come on now…

You just need one

Nearly every man will find an attractive, powerful, intelligent trans woman attractive. But when they discover that woman is trans, their attraction doesn’t go away. For most men, that attraction transforms. It turns into self-doubt, shame and fear.

But for the few secure in their self-awareness, the attraction compels action. It may not be action leading to them wanting a relationship with you, but nothing ever happens in the one split-second you connect eyes with some guy. In other words, most men need time to figure their shit out, understand what trans-attraction and then transamory is. That’s why we defined the journey all men attracted to trans women go through. If you understand that journey is much like your own transition, loneliness, desperation, fear and compromise needn’t be part of your dating regimen.

But you don’t need all these men getting their attraction to trans women is healthy and extraordinarily good. You only need one (assuming your monogamous).

So now, no matter where you live, likely there are millions of men. And if you have attractive qualities, men will find you attractive. You only want/need one of them as your partner. Why are you making finding your match so hard?

Maybe it’s because you’re unwilling to accept that you’re not a match yet to that guy who will love you. 🤔 Think about that.

Your match is there. He’s looking for you. But if your attention is on all the guys you think won’t accept you, you literally can’t find him.

The perfect match always

In the meantime, you’re getting perfect matches. Think about the logic: if you think all men are chasers and such, how on earth are you going to meet one who isn’t? Those who aren’t you’re not even going to see! You’ll dismiss them as not attractive, or uninteresting. You’ll get uncomfortable around them. Why? Because standing in your stories about men, a man who accepts you will make you feel uncomfortable because he reflects back to you stories inconsistent with those dominant in you.

In other words, so long as you stand in stories about men being uninterested in you because you’re trans, you’ll only meet those kinds of men. Same goes with stories about men who want you to top them, or that see you as a fetish.

You must change your beliefs before you’re able to see the world full of men who would love you happily.

Or, you can settle for a lesbian relationship.

Once this client realized the connection between guys she meets and stories she has about those guys, a light bulb went off in her. To her it was obvious. She’ll meet better guys when her stories are better.

Meanwhile the men she meets are perfect. They keep showing her the point from which she’s creating her dating reality. They include guys asking her for dick pics, guys texting her when drunk talking about how horny they are, as well as men who tell her they are afraid of dating trans women.

If you want to be with a man, and you end up with a woman, you compromised on your dreams. There’s no need to do that. But you will, if you don’t know how to get what you really want.

You get what you create

I’m not surprised so many trans women turn to women. They don’t understand why they’re getting the results with men they do. They think they have to compromise what they want in order to be happy. But my clients know stories are powerful and totally within the storyteller’s control. Which is why they keep coming back to their sessions.

Face it. Most men see trans women as men in dresses. But that doesn’t mean you must meet such men while dating. Unless, of course you keep bitching about such men! Same goes with the early trans-attracted variety, those still trying to get their shit together.

Again: the only reason trans women meet such men is: they still have to get their own shit together. Which means talking about, thinking about and focusing ONLY on what they want. Not what they don’t want.

Look around at your friends. Notice beliefs your trans woman friends have about men. Then look at how their dating goes. It’s as plain as the nose on your face that stories create reality. Everyone telling stories about what they don’t want get that. Tell stories about what you want consistently and you get that.

You only need one (if you’re monogamous). So why are you thinking about all the men you don’t want? Think instead about the one you do want. Then watch how easy having him becomes.

The best available at the time

I know, many trans women think what I talk about here is hooey. The thing is, like most profound wisdom, this stuff I talk about verifies and confirms the 100 percent subjective nature of reality. Meaning, in order to prove it works, you must put what I share into practice in your life. When you do, results are 100 percent guaranteed.

My clients get it. They’ve proven it to themselves. So they get great results and live as powerful women. Like this client.

Meanwhile, every man you meet perfectly matches what you believe. As my client in this video accurately says, you might think you know what your beliefs are. But if you’re frustrated in dating, you don’t. Every trans woman meets their perfect match(es). If they don’t match what you want, then what you believe and what you want are at cross purposes.

The reason trans women don’t like who they meet is they don’t realize why they’re meeting such men.

You meet the cream of the crop in terms of men you’re meeting. They serve a purpose. And they’ll keep serving that powerful, valuable purpose until you learn from them. All relationships are stepping stones.

That one guy trans women want is not as elusive as he seems. He can come as easily as your next breath. That is, if you’re not so proud that you’re willing to accept the way you’re trying to find him is your problem. Not that he doesn’t exist.

December 21, 2021August 3, 2022

This Trans-Attracted Man Proves How Easy It Works

We say stories create reality. And when you get the right stories in place, around love and the partner you want, your ideal partner will show up…with no effort on your part. This is the The Transamorous Network guarantee.

Case in point: a former client texted us with great news. He came to us years ago, but didn’t stick around because he felt, as some trans-attracted men do, that his trans-attraction wasn’t that big a priority.

We don’t know what happened between then and now. Presumably he pursued his music interests. So his text was a surprise…but also not a surprise.

It wasn’t a surprise because clients these days all report remarkable things happening in their lives. Only they’re not remarkable from a Transamorous Network perspective. They’re only remarkable when seen from and compared to an ordinary life. A life where the liver doesn’t understand they create their reality though stories they tell.

But those who do know they create their reality, become powerful creators. Like this Transamorous Network client, who also happens to be trans:

Your reality springs from stories you tell. So tell better stories and watch life get way better. Like this trans woman’s experience shows.

Dating sucks

But in ordinary lives, dating sucks. It sucks, as we’ve talked about here, because stories people tell while dating always create realities consistent with them. Which is why the majority of dating people, including those dating online, fail in their objective. Or they compromise. Compromise is what results in divorce.

Our former client texted us because what happened didn’t happen while he was dating. In fact, he wasn’t even looking for a girlfriend, which is when we suggest the best dating results will happen.

The trans woman above isn’t the only client feeling this way. Other trans woman clients are too. Like this one:

Another trans woman client expresses her joy emanating from her client session.

And this trans woman, who, after only two sessions rediscovered how powerful she really is:

Another trans woman finds power in her choices and in her desire to have it all.

That’s why the week in which the text came wasn’t a surprise. Instead, it was icing on an already well made cake.

Out of the obliviousness

When something happens “out of the blue” another way of saying that is “out of not being aware of how the Universe works.” The Universe always gives you more of what you’re asking for. This is why more trans women are finding their power through what we offer at The Transamorous Network.

We tell the story that trans women are powerful beings. Then, such women show up in our experience.

You ask for what you want through stories you tell about what you’re looking at. So it’s important to ask only for what you want, meaning, look at only what you want.

“Looking at” doesn’t only happen with your eyeballs though. In fact, it rarely ever happens that way because eyeballs are just projectors. They have no creative power. But your thoughts (stories) do. So how you think and what you think about determines what the universe is and is going to send you.

When something happens “out of the blue” the person it happens to has become the final part of an already assembled event in time and space they didn’t know was assembling. That assembled event in time and space can be what the person wants, or doesn’t want.

Which it is, depends on what kind of momentum the person created prior to the event taking shape in physical reality. That explains why so many trans women are killed in the US and elsewhere. These things seem to happen “out of the blue”. But what’s really happening is the trans woman becomes the final component in the unfolding event she created showing her where she predominantly focuses her attention.

You’re blaming the victim

I know that’s hard to hear. Insecure people will say “Perry, you’re blaming the victim for their death.” The problem with that statement is, there is no blame because there is no victim. Nothing went wrong because someone gets killed. Dying happens to everything and everyone.

Circumstances around how that happens though needn’t be tragic. But they will be when a person holds onto consistently negative-emotion-producing thoughts and beliefs.

A being I greatly respect once said “you can’t have a happy ending to an unhappy story.”

Unless a person moves from “oblivious” and into “knowing”, which is what we help people with all day every day at The Transamorous Network, that person rides a downward path. The future will bring more of what they’re creating. No exceptions.

That’s why the guy who texted us got what he got. He found himself matching what he wanted: having an attractive trans woman connect with him with no effort.

At The Transamorous Network we don’t support people finding their match through online dating sites. Again, we explain why here. The texter said he met this trans woman online, but notice what happened back when they did:

What happened?

Why didn’t they follow through, the way they are now, back then?

Because back then, both had stories standing between what they wanted and who they were at the time. This is obvious reading the text. Neither felt “connection”. “Connection” is an emotional reaction to stories that match.

No one ever stands still. One’s stories constantly change. It could be that these two people coming together represent a stepping-stone process, where this connection offers both people growth potential. Growth potential that will prepare both parties for the next relationship on the way.

In other words, it could be the trans woman might be compromising out of her fear of being alone, or results she’s gotten from stories she’s telling. This happens a lot in relationships.

The match up could also represent a match that carries on for a while. Again, we don’t know where the guy was story-wise when the trans woman reached [back] out. But no matter where either party stands, the rendezvous obviously created and continues creating enthusiasm and eagerness for the guy. Likely for the girl too.

Those are great signs. What happens next depends on each party’s willingness to see the best in the other party.

It’s exciting seeing these kinds of results happen. Easy, effortless match-making. Just the way we promise.

Are you finding finding your ideal partner fun? If not, we can help make fun…and easy.

December 14, 2021November 1, 2021

Trans Women: How To Get Love You Believe You Can’t Have

Editor’s note: In this series, we highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I’m 32, pre-transition and really struggling to cope after years of repression. I don’t know what do. I am in so much pain. I’m so lost. I’ll be honest I spent all night last night reading your site and crying. I saw there multiple times where one of the writers said ‘you only need one’ and it really woke me up. It’s not the first time I thought the same thing. There’s millions of men in the world surely one can love me?

Lonely and longing

Hi Lonely,

While it is true you only need one, literally thousands of men will (not can) love you. Millions “can” love you.

And yes, if you’re monogamous, you only need one of those multiple millions or multiple thousands of men.

The problem comes from where you stand relative to that man. Looking for love and not finding it resembles looking for sunglasses you think you lost.

You can’t find what you think is lost

I just ended a client session this morning where the client described how she lost her sunglasses. She looked for them everywhere, throughout her house…even in her car. No sunglasses.

Then she realized they were on her head the whole time. She pushed them up there earlier and forgot. Since she forgot, she tried “finding” them. She didn’t remember where she put them (on her head) because she stood in the “story” (the belief), that her sunglasses were “lost”.

Finally, she gave up looking for them and went on her errand. “Giving up” means, she let go of the story “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them.”

“I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” made it impossible – literally for her –to realize the glasses on her head. So close they were!

Yet, she couldn’t see them. She couldn’t even feel them!

You stand in the exact same place about this man you want. You literally can’t find him while telling stories you tell yourself, about boys/men, about love, about relationships, about YOURSELF about you being trans, about your worthiness and deservedness when it comes to loving relationships.

Meanwhile, just like my client and her sunglasses on her head, the man you want is as close as that. He’s literally moving around you all day every day.

But when you tell the equivalent of “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” across all these subjects, he is as invisible and as lost as my client’s sunglasses.

And when you try to find him, you just exacerbate his invisibility.

You can’t find something missing, absent or lost while you think it’s missing absent or lost. Your beliefs (your thinking) create your reality (your life).

Becoming a finder

And yet, the pain you feel brings benefits. That pain tells you something important. But if you don’t know what it tells, you can’t benefit. It sucks when most people experience pain, especially emotional pain, for this reason. Most don’t know what pain offers.

I can’t offer something in an email that will move you out of your pain and into your ideal love relationship. That takes a while. My client load exists for that reason. But if you want, we can start that work together. Clearly, you’ve read a lot of our material, so you sense what we do and its effectiveness.

The good news: you came into the world knowing you’d have this experience. You WANTED it and you knew it would be an extremely rewarding and world changing one.

But like everyone (almost everyone), you’ve forgotten this knowing (like the sunglasses on your head) in the face of physical reality’s bewildering nature. Its detail, real-ness and solidity seem so real! And objectively separate from you.

We help people remember what they forgot, then show them how to use what they remember so they create reality in which what they want happens. When that happens, life for them gets as fun as we write about.

TTN