It’s no wonder to me that many more men are coming out trans-attracted. Transgender women complaining about the lack of such men can’t see what I see though. That’s because their beliefs about such men make such men invisible. Even though the women are surrounded by them.
Such women are like a previous trans-attracted client. He thought no transgender women existed in his city. That is, until he changed his beliefs. If trans women complaining about finding a man changed their beliefs, they’d find available men everywhere.
Instead, many transgender women go on complaining about their lack of prospects, when there are literally millions of trans-attracted men out there. And more are coming out nearly every year. The data back this up.
That’s what I’m going to talk about in this post. That and why so many men are turning out trans-attracted. By the way, this also means there are more trans-attracted people coming out who are not men. That’s right, more women are declaring themselves trans-attracted too.
What this all means is, transgender women have no justification for complaining about being single or not finding a partner, if they want one. The only reason that’s happening is because they don’t believe having a partner is possible.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The proof is plain
A Medium.com writer turned me on to statistics showing a massive increase in people – especially men – interested in transgender people. Now, the jaded, the frustrated, the perpetually complaining transgender women are going to read the following and scoff. And when they do that, they’re just amplifying their own beliefs. Not saying anything about what’s really happening.
So if you’re one of those women, dear reader, CHECK YOURSELF! You are the one preventing yourself from finding a partner. No one else. That’s because no one else is creating your reality but YOU.
Ok, here’s the evidence.
According to one of the largest porn sites on the internet, searches for transgender-explicit content is now the seventh most popular content searched for. Searches for “trans” grew by 141 percent in 2021. Views of such content grew by over twenty percent, placing that content among the top ten content viewed on the site.
“Increasingly, marginalized sexuality is coming out of the shadows,” she says. “We are talking about sex more, we are more free to explore our sexual fantasies with less judgment attached. Our sexual curiosity is coming out of the closet. When it comes to Trans individuals, we are now seeing more and more people who are portrayed in mainstream media, thus making trans porn more intriguing, more available and more accepted.”
There’s another reason for the increase too. It has to do with the men.
Burgeoning self-acceptance
More men are discovering their irresistible attraction to transgender people. Some of these men are shocked and dismayed by their discoveries. But that’s no matter. Other men go straight to the transamory phase of the Chaser to Transamorous Journey.
But most of them must go step-by-step through their journey. They must cope with and gradually overcome their initial shock, shame, and embarrassment. Yes, their titillation as well.
I don’t understand why transgender women don’t understand this, bring more compassion to the table, and thus, find themselves with a partner. Then again, I do understand. Because I talk with such transgender women all the time. It’s hypocritical to negatively judge men for their journey when so many transgender women go through their versions of the exact same journey.
Self acceptance is a problem a lot of humans deal with which keeps them from enjoying what they want. Especially in relationships. (Photo by Caroline Veronez)
The Universe answers all
There’s another reason why so many men are discovering the wonder and beauty and value embodied by transgender women. It’s a reason Dr. Betito doesn’t acknowledge though. Probably because her profession doesn’t consider it a real thing.
When anyone has a desire, the Universe will immediately answer it. It will instantly fulfill that desire. But to receive the fulfillment as their reality, those who desire it must let it in.
Transgender women have been asking for men to love them since they’ve been around. Their asking has increased in recent years. In addition, more people, especially young ones, are declaring their authenticity as trans.
Well, all that declaring and asking, the Universe is answering. There MUST be men willing to love trans women if the women are asking. And the women are asking. Thus, men MUST SHOW UP in response. That’s what we’re seeing.
So, transgender reader. If you’re without a partner, you have no one to blame – if you must blame someone – other than the person in the mirror. Your complaints about the men you meet keep you meeting those men. If you want something different, you can’t keep doing the same things.
So many transgender women blame men for their dating experiences. I hear their complaints often through correspondence here at The Transamorous Network.
Meanwhile, I must sound like a broken record. I’m sure some roll their eyes when I say “you meet these kinds of men because you’re a match to them. Change the stories about men you’re meeting and you’ll meet different men. If you don’t, you’ll keep meeting these men you revile.”
Here’s a perfect example of a typical response I get:
Well, dear transgender women readers, if you won’t listen to me, perhaps you’ll listen to a fellow transgender woman. This person is not a client. And yet what she shares is exactly what I tell my clients repeatedly.
In a story she wrote for Halloween, she acknowledged her past experiences which showed her how she perfectly matched men she met. Not only does she describe it perfectly, she also acknowledges the fact: every transgender woman creates every situation they experience.
Indeed. And that includes men they meet. Here’s the author’s own words:
“…I was…attracting the wrong kind of men. It turns out that you get what you fish for. If you use trampy bait, you will get trampy men. If you’re advertising sex, men will expect it.”
The gold is within
In other words, who we’re being, creates experiences we get. If we’re getting a certain kind of man, we’re creating him. So the solution is do something about who we’re being. Complaining about what we’re getting won’t work!
This transgender woman shares so much gold. The story is worth reading in its entirety. In it she confronts her own stories, who she was being, and in doing so, she owns having created her past experiences. Then she changes who she was being, first by examining what stories she put out in the past, then conjuring new stories about what she wanted.
Is it any wonder this transgender woman is in a relationship? Here’s some more gold:
“What I need to consider is what do I want a man to see when he does notice me? What kind of man am I interested in? That just gets me back to understanding myself. What do I like and what do I want to call into my life? Do I want to call in a seedy one-night stand or a man who is interested in some deeper part of me? In my case, I decided on the latter.”
A human being is a powerful, eternal expression of All That Is. In that expression we enjoy full free will. We can create any experience we desire. No one else does it but us.
The question remains then: when transgender women blame men for their experiences, who really is to blame? Is there really blame to assign? Or is it really the case of an eternal being (the trans woman), having chosen to come into the world as trans, figuring out the best way to joy, but getting stuck in her shoddy creations?
Those are questions every transgender woman should seriously consider.
I just got off the phone with a man who happens to be trans-attracted. Like many men I talk with, he’s married to a cisgender woman. But he knew early in his life he favors transgender women. So why did he marry his wife?
Because he’s like many transgender women.
Transgender women presenting as men often first marry women and raise children. They know who they are, but can’t accept it. Instead, they accepted stories about what they “should” do as men. How they “should” be as men. It’s only later that they come into their own authenticity.
Many transgender women rail against trans-attracted men. I find this deeply hypocritical. Trans-attracted men go through many of the same struggles transgender women go through. Which is why transgender women and trans-attracted men represent perfect matches with each other. That is, if both sides can get over their negative, disempowering stories about each other.
Let’s get back to this wonderful call I enjoyed.
Like many transgender women, this guy kowtowed to family, societal and peer expectation. When his father caught him watching trans porn at age 11, his father shamed him into the closet. It didn’t help that he lives in the Bible Belt. Given all that religious tradition, pressure he felt was too great. He couldn’t accept his authenticity.
So he married a cisgender woman. It was the “man” thing to do. That was over 25 years ago.
Trans-attraction won’t be denied
What’s wonderful about this guy, like most guys like him, is his trans-attraction will not be denied. So many cisgender women contact me in disgust, rage and feeling betrayed. They don’t understand dynamics that had their husbands feel so much shame, their husbands couldn’t bear being honest about themselves.
This guy, I’ll call him Cody, truly loves his wife, who he calls his best friend. They gave birth to two children over the course of their decades long marriage. Yes, they had fights and disagreements. They both cheated on one another. The cheating represented disharmony both felt about their marriage. Disharmony that blocked both Cody and his wife’s knowing something was amiss in their marriage.
This tendency to block what’s really happening in marriage is common. Everyone knows what’s really happening in their marriage, but a lot of times the truth is too much to bear. Or, keeping the marriage, no matter how much it sucks, feels better than the alternative. That’s why I always say to wives feeling betrayed that they knew what was going on in their marriage. But they stopped themselves from seeing it.
While he knew he can’t resist transgender women, Cody told me he stays with his wife “mainly for the kids,” and the duty he believes men should live up to.
But then he met a transgender woman who I’ll call Jackie. That’s when things really started changing.
For trans-attracted men, marriage with a cis-woman is often a tragic denial of self. Both for the man and the woman.
Faced with the truth
Cody met Jackie seemingly by coincidence at Jackie’s workplace. There was instant attraction. But Cody tried to be faithful to his wife. Jackie and Cody never got intimate, but their connection was real, Cody says. He couldn’t deny how he felt. After dalliances with about ten other trans girls, Cody knew this was it, he said. He wants to be with Jackie no matter what.
Still, Cody said, he feels stuck. He believes he can’t leave his wife and kids. The situation is tearing him apart. Cody told Jackie he needed to be there for his wife. Understanding, Jackie said she’d wait for him.
Five years later, Jackie and Cody found themselves face-to-face again. This time in a different place, under different circumstances. But their attraction was still there, strong as ever.
Meanwhile, Cody’s wife discovered her Cody’s escapades on dating apps on his phone. They argued, they separated, but eventually reunited. All the while Cody knew, and knows even more so now, that his trans-attraction is his ultimate authenticity.
“I know it’s not going to go away,” He said. “And I get the importance of what you say about being authentic.”
It’s not a fetish
Just so you know, transgender women, Cody isn’t looking for a chick with a dick. He’s totally a top. But he is irresistibly attracted to the “transness” of transgneder women. Like many trans-attracted and transamorous men, he gets his strong attraction is more about WHO HE IS. Just like transgender women know themselves as WHO THEY ARE. Trans-attraction not a fetish, it’s for real.
The sad thing about some transgender women is their persistent, bogus story that trans-attracted men are somehow fetishizing transgender women through their attraction. When in actuality, trans-attracted men find transgender women attractive because they are transgender among many other factors. It’s no different than a heterosexual woman being attracted to heterosexual men. Or straight men attracted to women because they are women.
I could feel Cody’s sincerity and pain oozing out of every word he used as he described his struggle. His is a struggle because he cares about his wife and doesn’t want to hurt her. He doesn’t want to be alienated from his kids. But he also sees the writing on the wall. It’s the same calculus all married men who can’t deny their trans-attraction go through. And it’s not an easy calculus to make.
“Suppressing this is not going to work,” Cody says. “I get it now. Jackie and I are finding ourselves drawn irresistibly closer. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Fuck.”
Many transgender woman block the love they desperately seek by vilifying those men most capable of loving them. (Photo by Velizar Ivanov)
Courage to love
I love the path more men find themselves on as they own their authentic selves. Authentic selves which move humanity forward. Selves that honor transgender women for who they are.
Transgender women move humanity forward too. When they accept who they are then live that out loud, they confront limited beliefs humanity must give up to evolve.
Now imagine how powerful a transamorous/transgender couple could be. I imagine it and every time I do, I get excited for what’s possible for such individuals, and for society at large. Transgender women seek, often in vain, someone who will love and accept them for all they are. Yet they push against and resist the affection of men, like Cody, who are born exactly wired to do just that.
I find it highly ironic that the love transgender women yearn for awaits them but the place it exists, is the very place they run from. It would be comical if it weren’t so tragic in terms of transgender women living alone, depressed, or worse, compromising themselves to be with a woman when so many know a man is what they want.
I relish the call I enjoyed with Cody. Not only does it confirm what I know about these men, and why I write this blog, it shows me that love exists for everyone. But it takes courage on both sides to get the love that awaits.
Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.
They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.
Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.
Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.
Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”
The problem is whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”
And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.
Incremental improvement
Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.
Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.
But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.
We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.
Anyone can find that partner they want (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)
Evidence abounds
For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.
Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.
Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.
Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.
Getting what you want can be hard when we keep looking at what we don’t want. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
How to not get your true love
Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.
It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.
Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.
Some transgender women and, cisgender women who find themselves married to, apparently, “straight” men, share a common frustration. That frustration shows up when a trans-attracted man posing as a straight one, avoids owning their trans attraction. Or when such men try owning it but do so poorly.
They marry a cisgender woman. Or they act in ways earning them being called “tranny chaser”.
To be honest, I don’t blame transgender and cisgender women getting pissed at trans-attracted men. Especially when those men run away from or hide their trans attraction.
I understand how infuriating it must be for cisgender women who marry men claiming to want a cisgender wife, but who also are trans-attracted. When they relent to their natural, wholesome desire for transgender women – usually behind their wives’ backs – the wives’ feeling of betrayal makes sense. Especially after many years of marriage. Especially when the men kept their trans attraction secret.
It’s a different set of reasoning, but I also can understand infuriation transgender women feel. When those same “straight” men express interest in transgender women, but then keep their attraction secret it can feel demeaning to trans women. Or when they seek only sex from transgender women while keeping the women on the side. Or when they claim they want relationships, but ghost after the first sexual encounter.
More than meets the eye
I also have compassion for the men though. I understand what they’re going through. That’s because I once was there. And I recognize how difficult it can be owning one’s trans attraction. Going against pretty much everything we’ve been taught about what it means to be a man presents challenges.
I also understand the insecurity, fear, and self hatred such men feel. Such emotions belie a lack of self-acceptance these men have. They can’t accept parts of themselves they interpret as being gay or worse.
My compassion for such men partly spawned this website. My compassion for transgender women and what they go through fleshed out my reasoning. This site exists as a clearing. It’s designed to help both sides understand each other. And then create beautiful relationships based on that mutual understanding.
For cisgender women who end up married to trans-attracted men, only to discover much later they cannot satisfy such men, I can only offer the following. There had to be a match between who the woman was being, and who the man was being at the time they married. That match didn’t need to result in a marriage though.
But sometimes, marriage happens that way. It’s easy to ignore one’s intuition. And I’m positive these women knew something was up before they walked down the aisle. The same holds true for transgender women who meet all kinds of unsavory men.
Getting to where this guy has gotten is the struggle for many trans-attracted men.
Suppression creates deceit
Clues indicating the truth about someone always exist. No matter what their mouth says. Everyone communicates telepathically. Intuition picks up that communication. Not listening to intuition results in unsatisfying relationships.
Ultimately, what we have here are men who cannot own who they are. They fear what might happen if they own who they are. Since they can’t own who they are, they won’t tell others about it. That should be logical.
It’s exactly the same when a transgender woman first knows she’s trans. Many transgender people commit suicide before they own who they are. Others wait many, many years before they finally begin transitioning. Meanwhile, they tell no one. Until they can no longer suppress who they are.
Some of that suppression for trans-attracted men and transgender women, involve drug and alcohol use. People use such substances to numb themselves from their intuitive knowing. So deceit of others starts first with self-deceit.
It’s only recently that many transgender people own their true selves. A large part transpeople today accepting themselves comes from people before them blazing trails. Social media sites like Instagram help connect people. Such sites resolve isolation some folks feel. And the general increasing acceptance of transgender people society wide has helped.
Not loving yourself results in deceit. (Photo: Bima Mentara on Unsplash)
Revulsive behavior say the women
Such support hardly exists for trans-attracted men. As a result, we see many trans-attracted men doing what many transgender women, and transgender people in general, have done for decades. They live in silence, in secret, struggling with self-acceptance. They try to figure their shit out on the down low on their own. Often at the expense of women, both transgender and otherwise.
In other words, these men are scared and alone. Maybe you can relate if you’re trans and reflecting on your own early experience. And in their fear, they make choices not in their best interests, nor in the best interests of those with whom they end up in a relationship. Whether those people are transgender or cisgender.
I’m not making excuses for the men’s decisions. I am telling it like it is. And it is only by excepting what is, that we can begin to move toward something resembling appreciation for how what is creates problems we see. A large part of these men’s struggle is open hostility many transgender women level towards these men.
It looks like the hostility comes AFTER receiving these guys’ behaviors. That’s not really what is happening, but so long as transgender women act as if it IS happening that way, they will feel like victims. While also victimizing – and perpetuating the experience of – men whose behavior transgender women revile.
Only after recognizing what’s really happening can we establish supportive atmospheres for cis-trans relationships that work for everyone. Such relationships can go a long way towards ending situations where cisgender women feel betrayed by a man the women should never have married.
It’s all about attitude
By normalizing trans attraction among transgender women, we can also eliminate infuriation trans women feel when they meet men living in the shadows. Such behavior belies a basic lack of self-acceptance. Transgender women could feel compassion for such behaviors as many such women suffer from the same condition and have behaved similarly. But so many transgender women point fingers at the men while ignoring their own past, or even present, self-shame or lack of self acceptance.
That’s a problem-perpetuating paradox.
Pretty much every human being has had some experience with lack of self acceptance. Trans-attracted men are no different. And in that lack of self acceptance, whether one is gay, trans, a racial minority, or what have you, lack of self acceptance is still lack of self acceptance. And lack of self acceptance, generally, generates fear, insecurity and behaviors, which come from those feelings. Behaviors, which often look like doing things one wouldn’t otherwise do if that person proudly owned who they were.
So what we see when scared trans-attracted men marry cisgender women or ghost a trans women after an initial online connection, is fear and insecurity manifested as behavior. Any transgender woman accepting that as what is, will also find themselves gradually meeting more men who are more self accepting. What we resist persists. Transgender women complaining about trans-attracted men perpetuate the phenomena they hate. Period.
That is the only way out of the infuriating experiences transgender women have with trans-attracted men. It starts with the women’s attitude.
Anger towards men, especially trans-attracted men, just perpetuates transgender women’s negative experiences with men. Want to change that transgender women? Then you gotta change your attitude. (Photo by Engin Akyurt)
Meeting her match
The fact is, plenty of trans-attracted men out there would be more than happy to date out loud and in public a transgender woman. What’s happening when transgender women meet up with scared men instead of these more confident ones? The transgender woman harbors some sort of lack of self acceptance, or harbors insecurity about themselves, their appearance maybe, which draws to them men who are equally insecure.
For example, one of my clients just today talked about stories she has, which do exactly what I’m describing. She believes she is “fat and unattractive“. That story along with several others leaves her feeling lonely and depressed. The attitude expressed in “I’m fat and unattractive” radiates like radar waves.
Usually, whenever she feels this way, she reaches out online. She tries to meet a guy that will soothe her loneliness and depression. The problem with doing that is she will inevitably attract men in similar attitudes. Not necessarily alone and depressed men, but definitely insecure ones. And insecurity, you can bet, is a close companion to loneliness and depression.
In other words, my client meets her matches. Every time. When the encounter goes south, conclusions she draws about the encounter amplify her loneliness and depression. Her conclusion always is “This aways happens.”
Of course it will always happen. And it will continue to do so long as she does nothing about her stories.
Every person creates their reality
So, if a transgender woman wants to eliminate, scared, trans-attracted men from her life, she must first create a better feeling place internally. It’s that simple.
But sometimes the simplest way is also the most difficult. Simplicity often comes after months or years of practice. Anyone studying martial arts or any other demanding sport or art will affirm that assertion.
The same is true with changing one’s beliefs. If one wants to experience a state of security, confidence and joyful life experience, one must first create those states internally. Then their life will reflect that back to them. Life will include all kinds of joyful things. Including confident, joyful, secure men.
But, as long as transgender women point fingers at men, complaining about who they’re being or how they’re being, they blame life for their experience. Meanwhile their complaining, blaming attitude creates more experiences they can complain about and blame men for. A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. The state of being creating the life she’s experiencing.
I get how crazy this must sound. But, after some practice, it’s quite easy to see how what I’m describing, bears fruit. And it doesn’t take very long before the evidence becomes overwhelming.
A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. This video explains why.
Lasting love for everyone
It’s not necessary that transgender women must experience insecure “tranny chasers”. It’s also unnecessary for trans-attracted men to feel shame, insecurity, and fear about their trans attraction. Just like transgender women, they create their experience. And so, if both the women and the men tell better stories about their experiences, their experiences will change.
This is the basis of what we share at The Transamorous Network. It is a simple process. But the simplicity of it is a practiced simplicity. After weeks of diligent practice, evidence starts piling up. Once that happens the practitioner wants more evidence. Soon mastery follows. Then life becomes the joyful experience it can be for everyone.
This approach equally applies to cisgender women who feel betrayed by their husbands. But I get how resistant such women are to hearing this message. Their sense of betrayal is so strong, they just want to keep blaming their ex husbands. All the while not knowing they’re not doing themselves any favors in pointing fingers.
I say get on with finding happiness. It starts, for everyone, with an attitude adjustment. Then, finding lasting love is easy. Interested in knowing more? Let’s talk.
