Tag: Transgender

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Why Scared Trans-Attracted Men Marry Cis-Women

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Some transgender women and, cisgender women who find themselves married to, apparently, “straight” men, share a common frustration. That frustration shows up when a trans-attracted man posing as a straight one, avoids owning their trans attraction. Or when such men try owning it but do so poorly.

They marry a cisgender woman. Or they act in ways earning them being called “tranny chaser”.

To be honest, I don’t blame transgender and cisgender women getting pissed at trans-attracted men. Especially when those men run away from or hide their trans attraction.

I understand how infuriating it must be for cisgender women who marry men claiming to want a cisgender wife, but who also are trans-attracted. When they relent to their natural, wholesome desire for transgender women – usually behind their wives’ backs – the wives’ feeling of betrayal makes sense. Especially after many years of marriage. Especially when the men kept their trans attraction secret.

It’s a different set of reasoning, but I also can understand infuriation transgender women feel. When those same “straight” men express interest in transgender women, but then keep their attraction secret it can feel demeaning to trans women. Or when they seek only sex from transgender women while keeping the women on the side. Or when they claim they want relationships, but ghost after the first sexual encounter.

More than meets the eye

I also have compassion for the men though. I understand what they’re going through. That’s because I once was there. And I recognize how difficult it can be owning one’s trans attraction. Going against pretty much everything we’ve been taught about what it means to be a man presents challenges.

I also understand the insecurity, fear, and self hatred such men feel. Such emotions belie a lack of self-acceptance these men have. They can’t accept parts of themselves they interpret as being gay or worse. 

My compassion for such men partly spawned this website. My compassion for transgender women and what they go through fleshed out my reasoning. This site exists as a clearing. It’s designed to help both sides understand each other. And then create beautiful relationships based on that mutual understanding.

For cisgender women who end up married to trans-attracted men, only to discover much later they cannot satisfy such men, I can only offer the following. There had to be a match between who the woman was being, and who the man was being at the time they married. That match didn’t need to result in a marriage though.

But sometimes, marriage happens that way. It’s easy to ignore one’s intuition. And I’m positive these women knew something was up before they walked down the aisle. The same holds true for transgender women who meet all kinds of unsavory men.

Getting to where this guy has gotten is the struggle for many trans-attracted men.

Suppression creates deceit

Clues indicating the truth about someone always exist. No matter what their mouth says. Everyone communicates telepathically. Intuition picks up that communication. Not listening to intuition results in unsatisfying relationships.

Ultimately, what we have here are men who cannot own who they are. They fear what might happen if they own who they are. Since they can’t own who they are, they won’t tell others about it. That should be logical.

It’s exactly the same when a transgender woman first knows she’s trans. Many transgender people commit suicide before they own who they are. Others wait many, many years before they finally begin transitioning. Meanwhile, they tell no one. Until they can no longer suppress who they are.

Some of that suppression for trans-attracted men and transgender women, involve drug and alcohol use. People use such substances to numb themselves from their intuitive knowing. So deceit of others starts first with self-deceit.

It’s only recently that many transgender people own their true selves. A large part transpeople today accepting themselves comes from people before them blazing trails. Social media sites like Instagram help connect people. Such sites resolve isolation some folks feel. And the general increasing acceptance of transgender people society wide has helped.

Not loving yourself results in deceit. (Photo: Bima Mentara on Unsplash)

Revulsive behavior say the women

Such support hardly exists for trans-attracted men. As a result, we see many trans-attracted men doing what many transgender women, and transgender people in general, have done for decades. They live in silence, in secret, struggling with self-acceptance. They try to figure their shit out on the down low on their own. Often at the expense of women, both transgender and otherwise. 

In other words, these men are scared and alone. Maybe you can relate if you’re trans and reflecting on your own early experience. And in their fear, they make choices not in their best interests, nor in the best interests of those with whom they end up in a relationship. Whether those people are transgender or cisgender.

I’m not making excuses for the men’s decisions. I am telling it like it is. And it is only by excepting what is, that we can begin to move toward something resembling appreciation for how what is creates problems we see. A large part of these men’s struggle is open hostility many transgender women level towards these men.

It looks like the hostility comes AFTER receiving these guys’ behaviors. That’s not really what is happening, but so long as transgender women act as if it IS happening that way, they will feel like victims. While also victimizing – and perpetuating the experience of – men whose behavior transgender women revile.

Only after recognizing what’s really happening can we establish supportive atmospheres for cis-trans relationships that work for everyone. Such relationships can go a long way towards ending situations where cisgender women feel betrayed by a man the women should never have married.

It’s all about attitude

By normalizing trans attraction among transgender women, we can also eliminate infuriation trans women feel when they meet men living in the shadows. Such behavior belies a basic lack of self-acceptance. Transgender women could feel compassion for such behaviors as many such women suffer from the same condition and have behaved similarly. But so many transgender women point fingers at the men while ignoring their own past, or even present, self-shame or lack of self acceptance.

That’s a problem-perpetuating paradox.

Pretty much every human being has had some experience with lack of self acceptance. Trans-attracted men are no different. And in that lack of self acceptance, whether one is gay, trans, a racial minority, or what have you, lack of self acceptance is still lack of self acceptance. And lack of self acceptance, generally, generates fear, insecurity and behaviors, which come from those feelings. Behaviors, which often look like doing things one wouldn’t otherwise do if that person proudly owned who they were.

So what we see when scared trans-attracted men marry cisgender women or ghost a trans women after an initial online connection, is fear and insecurity manifested as behavior. Any transgender woman accepting that as what is, will also find themselves gradually meeting more men who are more self accepting. What we resist persists. Transgender women complaining about trans-attracted men perpetuate the phenomena they hate. Period.

That is the only way out of the infuriating experiences transgender women have with trans-attracted men. It starts with the women’s attitude.

Anger towards men, especially trans-attracted men, just perpetuates transgender women’s negative experiences with men. Want to change that transgender women? Then you gotta change your attitude. (Photo by Engin Akyurt)

Meeting her match

The fact is, plenty of trans-attracted men out there would be more than happy to date out loud and in public a transgender woman. What’s happening when transgender women meet up with scared men instead of these more confident ones? The transgender woman harbors some sort of lack of self acceptance, or harbors insecurity about themselves, their appearance maybe, which draws to them men who are equally insecure.

For example, one of my clients just today talked about stories she has, which do exactly what I’m describing. She believes she is “fat and unattractive“. That story along with several others leaves her feeling lonely and depressed. The attitude expressed in “I’m fat and unattractive” radiates like radar waves.

Usually, whenever she feels this way, she reaches out online. She tries to meet a guy that will soothe her loneliness and depression. The problem with doing that is she will inevitably attract men in similar attitudes. Not necessarily alone and depressed men, but definitely insecure ones. And insecurity, you can bet, is a close companion to loneliness and depression.

In other words, my client meets her matches. Every time. When the encounter goes south, conclusions she draws about the encounter amplify her loneliness and depression. Her conclusion always is “This aways happens.”

Of course it will always happen. And it will continue to do so long as she does nothing about her stories.

Every person creates their reality

So, if a transgender woman wants to eliminate, scared, trans-attracted men from her life, she must first create a better feeling place internally. It’s that simple.

But sometimes the simplest way is also the most difficult. Simplicity often comes after months or years of practice. Anyone studying martial arts or any other demanding sport or art will affirm that assertion.

The same is true with changing one’s beliefs. If one wants to experience a state of security, confidence and joyful life experience, one must first create those states internally. Then their life will reflect that back to them. Life will include all kinds of joyful things. Including confident, joyful, secure men.

But, as long as transgender women point fingers at men, complaining about who they’re being or how they’re being, they blame life for their experience. Meanwhile their complaining, blaming attitude creates more experiences they can complain about and blame men for. A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. The state of being creating the life she’s experiencing.

I get how crazy this must sound. But, after some practice, it’s quite easy to see how what I’m describing, bears fruit. And it doesn’t take very long before the evidence becomes overwhelming.

A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. This video explains why.

Lasting love for everyone

It’s not necessary that transgender women must experience insecure “tranny chasers”. It’s also unnecessary for trans-attracted men to feel shame, insecurity, and fear about their trans attraction. Just like transgender women, they create their experience. And so, if both the women and the men tell better stories about their experiences, their experiences will change.

This is the basis of what we share at The Transamorous Network. It is a simple process. But the simplicity of it is a practiced simplicity. After weeks of diligent practice, evidence starts piling up. Once that happens the practitioner wants more evidence. Soon mastery follows. Then life becomes the joyful experience it can be for everyone.

This approach equally applies to cisgender women who feel betrayed by their husbands. But I get how resistant such women are to hearing this message. Their sense of betrayal is so strong, they just want to keep blaming their ex husbands. All the while not knowing they’re not doing themselves any favors in pointing fingers.

I say get on with finding happiness. It starts, for everyone, with an attitude adjustment. Then, finding lasting love is easy. Interested in knowing more? Let’s talk.

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When A Trans Woman Offers A Tired, Old Trope

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

We love it when transgender women write to us with vitriol. When they double down on their disempowering stories, we know they’re creating more of what’s making them miserable. Their words have nothing to do with us.

Such trans women offer perfect examples, corollaries supporting everything we say here at The Transamorous Network. This particular person responded to a very positive post we wrote about being transgender. I’m surprised it triggered her this way.

Let’s forget the fact her assumptions about me are totally wrong. Being a non-binary person of color would argue for a LACK of privilege, were I concerned about such things.

But since I’m not, I’d rather focus on the rest of her comments. For such comments say way more about Madonna than the thing she criticizes so vehemently.

You can’t have it both ways

When transgender women make such comments, they’re shooting themselves in the foot. Such a person struggles finding happiness and a life wherein everything they want happens effortlessly. To such people a default joy is literally impossible. Telling such stories creates that reality for them. Then they say what Madonna said above.

Again, telling negative stories only reinforces whatever experiences cause one to make such comments. What’s really happening though is, the person first creates the story. Then they experience circumstances confirming the stories. But they don’t know this is happening. They think experiences come first, then they conclude from that experience.

And that’s why they create realities in which they see everyone enjoying more privilege than them. Accept for those who share similar stories.

Strangely enough, everyone is over-privileged. All humans enjoy so much privilege, they can use that privilege to create anything. Including lives so oppressive they think they enjoy no privilege at all.

Stories create reality. There’s no way around that. But misery loves company. Which means, the more miserable a person is, the more misery they’ll experience. Then, when someone shows them a happy alternative, that person will double down on their misery instead. For them, their experience is true. Which it actually is. But it needn’t be.

Some are buying though

Despite this woman’s wrong assertion, transgender women are “buying” what we offer. As a result they find empowering careers, free themselves from suicidal thoughts and experience increasing success at love. Most importantly, they accept themselves more.

Same with trans-attracted men.

We don’t need every one of them buying. But for every one who does, that’s one more person realizing, owning and living a life wherein all they want, happens effortlessly. Who won’t feel perpetual joy experiencing that?

So we know what we offer works. Some aren’t going to get it though. Like Madonna here, they’ll keep on telling negative stories. I prefer playing with transgender women and trans-attracted men who want the perpetual joy we offer.

Want to join us? I can help.

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Another Wife Betrayed By her Trans-Attracted Husband…🤥

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Every once in a while, a cis woman will write us in despair. These women share “betrayal, shock and sadness” they feel after discovering their husband’s involvement with transgender women. Their discovery usually comes “by accident”, which is why such women express so much shock.

Such a message came our way in the comments section recently:

My husband is trans attracted. He has completely broken me. My self-esteem and self-worth are destroyed. My home is broken and I feel he has no remorse. We are getting a divorce. I do not feel that marriage counseling will help because at the end of the day I cannot satisfy my husband.

His constant porn addiction and running to grindr everytime we argue shows me that his real desire is to be with a trans women. I feel betrayed, angry and stupid to think that he would ever just love me and want me. I’m completely defeated and spend my days reading articles about trans attraction and cry myself to sleep at night. My husband is so quick to defend the trans community but not our marriage and this is a feeling I cannot describe.

Many trans-attracted men wind up married to cis women. That’s because the shame and self loathing they feel about who and what they are has them repress what they want. In exchange, they go for what society tells them they “should” want.

Acceptance is hard

But the price they pay is far too great. Not only do they set themselves up for pain later on, they also, potentially, set up their partners and perhaps children. I totally understand their choices though. I married two cis women. The first I married totally oblivious to my trans attraction. The second marriage I walked into with my eyes open. It wasn’t about love. It was about giving the girl I married what she wanted. She knew about my trans attraction.

So I understand when men like me choose a cis woman over a transgender one. They don’t know what they’re missing when they do that. And, in my opinion, trans attraction will not suffer compromise. Soon or later, it will express itself. That’s why more and more cis women speak of betrayal and shock when they discover their husband “fucking trannies”.

Accepting our trans attraction can be a fraught-filled path. We face potential ridicule from friends, ostracism from family and potentially debilitating self-condemnation. As if that weren’t enough, men like us also often face humiliation, ostracism and ridicule from targets of our affection: the very women we find ourselves irresistibly attracted to.

So I don’t blame guys like me who try resisting their trans attraction. As I said though, that comes at a cost. The most expensive cost is lack of self acceptance.

When guys like us don’t embrace our natural, normal attraction, we give off insecurity vibes. Those vibes attract transgender women who are matches to that. Which is why men like me struggle with their attraction. They wonder why they keep meeting less-than-desirable trans girls. Trans girls who reject them.

Shame is common among many trans-attracted men (Photo by Aaron Blanco)

Self loathing masked as attacking men

Getting rejected by trans girls, while common, needn’t be any trans-attracted guy’s experience. But it will be if guys don’t accept themselves. When they do though, their entire dating experience will change.

The same happens, of course for transgender women.

Transgender women who don’t accept their trans-ness can’t abide by a guy who finds them attractive, in part, because they’re trans. Some trans girls agree with society. They think they are somehow “a mistake” or “born in the wrong body”. They can’t accept and embrace the fact that they chose this path as does every trans-attracted person.

Why anyone would choose transamory or being transgender is easy to answer, but it’s beyond the scope of this post. The point is, when a transgender woman calls a trans-attracted person a “tranny chaser”, “chaser” or some other derogatory term, they’re essentially saying “my status as a transgender person isn’t valid. So if you’re wanting me for that reason, you must be a freak, a fetishizer, fiend, or abnormal.”

We don’t call men who chase vagina “chasers”. We accept their behavior as “normal”. But what is normal? And is normal something someone really should strive for?

I don’t think so.

It’s better embracing one’s trans-ness as well as one’s trans-attraction. Men go through a “hyper” stage wherein they try fucking as many vaginas as possible. Girls go through their own process, but society makes it bad and wrong to express that overtly, so women don’t talk about it, or express it as directly as guys.

Many transgender women go through similar experiences. They seek out as much dick as they can. In other words, they’re exploring themselves.

Transgender women hating on trans-attracted men say more about their self-image than the men they hate (Photo by Engin Akyurt)

We’re a match to what we get

Trans-attracted men go through similar stages. If a trans woman doesn’t want to meet such men, who are going through a period of radical self-exploration, they need to up their story game. They must tell different stories about a number of subjects. Stories about themselves, about dating, about men and about relationships to name a few of many.

Diana Tourjeé, a journalist who happens to be transgender wrote an interesting article about cis women discovering their partners’ transamory. In it, she gives her own take on this perspective.

This is the danger in stereotyping all trans amorous men as chasers. Many are just discovering their sexuality, or finally want to be honest about who they are. They may well be living with severe anxiety or depression due to their reasonable fear. So the outright rejection of all men expressly interested in trans women ultimately alienates whatever number of trans amorous men are capable of, or actively are trying to overcome that fear. [These men] are an example of people who desire an authentic, fulfilling connection with trans women; rejecting them has only caused harm.

I agree. Tourjeé goes on to say many people, including transgender women, hold flawed and harmful ideas. These ideas say anyone who loves transgender women is abnormal. And that’s as harmful as thinking that transgender women themselves are abnormal. For if trans-attraction is abnormal, what does that make transgender women?

It’s a question every transgender woman might want to ask themselves the next time they want call some guy interested in them a “chaser”.

Good advice for cis women

As for cis women married to trans-attracted men, I think we’re going to see many more such women suffering shocking surprises. The more society leans toward accepting transgender people, more men will cast off their shame. I think that’s a good thing.

Women married to trans-attracted men are settling. As much as a shock as it might feel, if such women really look at their relationship with their trans-attracted husbands, they will discover clues existed throughout their relationship.

It’s hard to see the signs the universe shows one when one is on the wrong path. Often, such signs only become clear in the rear-view mirror. I would suggest to such women that the end of their marriage, rather than being the worst thing that ever happened, could become the exact opposite.

It could become an inflection point leading to a more genuine and authentic relationship containing more of what the woman wants. And when that happens, doesn’t that mean the ending of the marriage was actually a good thing?

I think so. Life tends to work out. Life is more fun when seen from that lens and lived with that expectation. Telling positive stories about life helps build such perspectives. Want to know more?

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What to Know About How Americans Feel About Trans People

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

Pew, a large, international opinion researcher, recently polled Americans on their views of Transgender People and the rise of “transgenderism” in the country. The poll didn’t look at American’s views on people who are attracted to transgender people.

In any case, here’s what you need to know from that research: Not a fucking thing!

Why on earth do we need to know what other people think about us? WE DON’T. We don’t need to know anything about what others think about us! And here’s the great news about that: The less we care, the more of what we want we will get. Including that perfect love many of us want.

It’s not our business

When transgender and trans-attracted people care about what others think about them, they unwittingly put the kibosh on everything they want. Nothing we want will come to us if we care about what others think. Doing so makes us feel like shit. And when we feel like shit we’re not a match to what we want.

Caring what other people think about us usually generates negative emotion in us. That’s intentional. Why is it intentional? Because the negative emotion tells us what we’re doing isn’t what we should be doing. Caring about what others think about ANYTHING we’re doing, or anything we want, makes us a match to their stories instead of our own.

And if those people think we shouldn’t exist, or they think we’re going to hell or whatever, then those negative stories instantly become ours. Unless we seek other’s approval – and I don’t know why anyone would want that – adopting other people’s negative stories serves us not one whit. When we do do that, we feel like shit. Feeling like shit tells us something important. It says “what you’re thinking about is going to get you more of what you’re thinking about. So knock that off!”

Besides, what can you do about what others think about us? Nothing at all. So it’s better to focus on our own business and let other people have their opinions.

What other people think about us is none of our business. It’s way better living life focused on ourselves, going for what we want and getting that.

How do we do that?

By telling better and better stories about ourselves. Telling better and better stories about the world around us. And choosing empowering stories about what we want instead of unwittingly adopting ones we don’t want.

Keeping focus pure

Why do we even care what others think anyway? Think about that. I mean, I get it. When little, parents indoctrinated us into thinking we needed to please others over pleasing ourselves. Teachers and education in general did that too.

But we’re not little anymore. We’re all grown. And so it’s time to start deliberately charting our course towards the life we came to live.

That means living our life our way. Not living the way society or parents or Christians or Americans think we should live. Their stories are their business.

It’s way more important that we care about why we care about what other people think of transgender and trans-attracted people than what their opinions are. That’s because the story behind why we care misguides us. It’s time to do something about that story. Start by giving up caring.

If we keep our focus pure, meaning, we tell stories only about what we want and not about what we don’t, things we want come to us fast. They don’t come instantly though. That’s because most of us have been telling stories opposed to what we want. Especially about love.

But over time, pure focus will replace that old momentum. Then, things wanted will start flowing in so fast, it will amaze.

It’s meant to be

That’s already happening. We all are allowing so many things we want, I’m surprised so many transgender and trans-attracted aren’t seeing that. Then, again, I’m not surprised. Because awareness is a powerful thing. If I’m not aware that all I’m wanting flows to me constantly, then I can’t see it flowing constantly. Not seeing that, I get cranky or impatient, which slows things down more.

If I develop a chronic criticism about myself, about life, about transgender women or about being trans-attracted, then life becomes depressing.

Thankfully, my life flows with all kinds of abundance. Which is why I’m sharing this and other posts I share.

LIFE CAN BE FUN. AND IT SHOULD BE. Because that’s the way it’s intended.

That includes every transgender person and every trans-attracted person getting all they want in love. We needn’t struggle with that or anything else. But we do struggle when we tell stories contrary to the story “life can be fun”. Or when we worry about what others think about us.

Everything we want is flowing to us. But if we’re now aware, if we can’t see it, then it appears as though that’s not happening, even though it is. (Photo by Fuuj on Unsplash)

Let life love you

Caring about what others think about trans-attracted and transgender people doesn’t serve us. All it does is put us on a trajectory that includes more crappy feeling experiences.

Aren’t you tired of feeling crappy? How long do you need to feel crappy before doing something constructive about it?

Drinking, smoking weed, or wallowing in complaints about life aren’t “constructive”. By constructive I mean changing your stories. Then being on the lookout for the change your changes stories create. Then celebrating that, thus building momentum in the direction of what you want. Once momentum happens, what you want will come. Including love you think is impossible.

Turn your attention to things you care about. Then tell positive stories about those things. What should you care about?

  • How great it is that I’m transgender or trans-attracted.
  • That it’s wonderful being alive at this time when so many others like me exist out loud. Seriously, have you seen this new thing called Instagram?
  • Care about how fantastic it is that medical technology can do what it does for some transgender people.
  • It’s also amazing that more men and women are coming out as trans-attracted, thereby making the dating field more plentiful for us all.

Find your positivity. Love life and watch life love you back. Give up caring what others think. Then everything you want will flow.

Don’t know how to love life? Let me show you.

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Why Work Hard To Find Love?

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Transgender and trans-attracted people seem to worship a false idol. It’s called hard work. Look around. So many of us are working so hard (and spending a lot of money) to find love. When instead, love can come easy. But it comes easily only if we take it easy and let it happen.

I’m not surprised so many struggle and spend a lot of money trying to find love. We’re on all kinds of dating sites. We go to bars, spend money on drinks trying to look cool. Then go home alone.

It’s the same approach we take to life in general. We spend, on average half or more of our waking lives working. Some dedicate far more of their waking hours to working hard. (For the record, because I follow my own advice, I now only work 8 hours a week and cover all my living expenses.)

Americans in particular are known for their workaholism. A client of mine on vacation in Spain talked with someone, a Spanish citizen, who described her opulent and leisure lifestyle. In doing so, she said “Americans live to work. We Spaniards work to live.“

There’s no honor in being transgender or trans-attracted and venerating working hard as the path to a relationship. If we knew more about how life works, our struggle at getting a relationship would dramatically decrease. We’d instantly find ourselves in a loving relationship. Then, everything else we want would easily flow from that.

Indeed, the easy life carries far more productivity potential. That’s because when one takes it easy, following both intuition and passion instead of doing what others expect of them, remarkable things happen. And they happen because them happening expresses nature’s grace for everyone, including transgender and trans-attracted people.

Runaway success is natural

Take a look at the paradox described by “working hard“. Many people work very hard in their lives and barely get anywhere. The working poor are a great example. But so are many of the middle class. Many people in the middle class struggle mightily working hard and just barely cover their needs and wants. Or they get far enough to amass material pleasures. But since many middle class people finance such things, they end up working even harder to pay off credit cards, mortgages and car loan debt.

Others enjoy a smattering of success evidenced by promotions, vanity titles or a real supervisory role. But those “successes“ usually lead to more work as well.

And when it comes to runaway success, an even greater paradox exists. Some of the most successful put in hardly any work at all and find success near immediately, while others work very hard in the same field and get comparatively nowhere.

Take the case of Sir Lewis Hamilton, the first Formula One driver who happens to be a person of color. He is described as a race car “prodigy“. From a very early age, his parents recognized his instinctual attraction to racing. Everyone saw it. So everyone supported him as he rose far beyond others. Others working equally hard and some working even harder.

Racing prodigy Sir Lewis Hamilton owes his racing prowess to something more than hard work. Indeed, people marvel at his avant-garde approach to his sport, which included forays into music, fashion and enjoying life instead of working hard like others in the sport. (Photo By Morio)

Hamilton does behind the steering wheel what others rarely or never do. Indeed, his “hard work“ was more about further developing his natural gifts, his passions, not struggling to achieve “success” or accomplish anything.

Something else must be happening

I was just about to write “not to diminish the effort Hamilton put into becoming a skillful driver”. But my desire to write that evidences my own indoctrination into our collective distortion; the distortion that “hard work” is the key to success. If it were the key to success, if it were instrumental in things going the way we want, why are so many hard working people not successful?

Which leads me to the following. Something else must be happening that allows some people to succeed with little effort and others, despite lots of effort, hardly ever get anywhere. This is the case for something larger having more influence on one’s success than how much effort or action one dedicates toward that goal. See where this is going?

So why is it some people who work so hard achieve comparatively little? I assert the answer has nothing to do with their hard work. Instead, it has far more to do with stories people tell.

Stories we hold create a resonance, or lack thereof, with whatever it is we decide is “success”. One’s image of oneself, what one believes is possible, and what one chooses to do from those perspectives shapes everything. That’s why transgender and trans-attracted people first must love themselves before trying to find love from another.

Action of any kind, especially in relationships, means comparatively little.

The easy life for all

That resonance giving rise to inevitable success feels a certain way. And that feeling indicates a gradually emerging life that, initially, feels better than what it feels like when working hard towards a goal. It feels like freedom, adventure, positive expectation and empowerment on a consistent basis.

Most people experience such feelings infrequently or not at all. Such experiences explain why so many struggle or live mediocre lives or lives of compromise. They’re not resonating with success they claim they want. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people when it comes to finding a partner.

We’re too busy trying to get there, copying what others do: wading through online dating profiles, for example. We won’t slow down and get in touch with that which will bring our lover to us. We don’t believe such a thing possible. So the relationship we want eludes us.

We all enjoy free will. All That Is wants us focusing our time and action living the easy life. That’s because doing so adds to or fulfills that which we each as transgender or trans-attracted people came to fulfill. And in that fulfillment, All That Is becomes more.

People who struggle contribute to more too. But how many of those people – were they in their right mind instead of the mind that has them struggling to find love – how many of those people would trade what they have for the easy life? I would argue such people, in their right mind, would make that trade.

The easy life creates a path filled with joy ease and fun. It’s a life wherein transgender and trans-attracted people can leave the struggle behind. (My artwork)

That’s because everyone knew that’s the life they would live before coming into the world. That easy life available to everyone of us, trans or trans-attracted.

Nature wants us happy

Instead, so many of us choose struggle. We all have free will, as I’ve said. We are all also eternal. So eventually, each of us, as individuals, learn to give up the hard life for the easy one. For many, that takes several lifetimes.

But for a select few, it can happen in this lifetime. By “select few“ I don’t mean to imply that someone else, like some god, chooses the lucky ones. The select few select themselves. They are those who do something about stories they tell, about their lives, about themselves and about the love they want.

And when those people do that, their life becomes the easy life. In time, they leave struggle behind.

Many struggles we transgender and trans-attracted people have stem from thinking we must do it all to get what we want. Thinking that way, we usually end up feeling discouraged and bitter. We complain about life, men, transgender women. We even complain about who we are.

I suggest we give up all of that. Do that and a whole new world opens up. One in which everything we want happens easily.

Like any false idol, working hard to get love results in emptiness and a poor substitute for fulfillment. I suggest we give that idol up. Of course, I can help with that.