I’m overjoyed sharing this video and appreciate deeply my client’s willingness to share it with you too.
It’s deeply touching watching what happens in this, unfiltered, full, lightly edited recording. I knew when we had it, it offered extraordinary insight into how telling better-feeling stories works.
As my client gets near the end of the session, you can see how deeply his new stories transformed his perspective.
A session anatomy
The client came to the session after spending the week in disempowering stories. As such, he characterized the week as negative, sharing only those experiences he had access to – those matching his lower level stories – as “proof” substantiating his experience.
This offered a wonderful opportunity. We practiced shifting his stories. As he told increasingly better-feeling stories, positive experiences he had during the same week, ones he didn’t mention, returned to his memory. That’s because as he improved his stories, he resonated to those instead of more negative experiences with which he originally perceived through his matching, negative stories. In doing so his mood changed completely.
This session illustrates so many powerful insights, the most important being: Telling stories that feel good creates better life experiences.
It’s simple. Tell positive stories, get what you want.
What reality resonates?
The reality one experiences is the one with which they resonate. Life’s harmonics will draw to a person, experiences from the infinite matching that person’s stories or beliefs. He can access no other realities, even though they’re just as real. One’s experience therefore rests completely with what stories he tells. This includes relationship experiences, as well as who shows up in one’s life.
So if you want someone to love, but keep meeting toads or skeezers, the remedy isn’t on a dating site. It’s not in finding a different person. Your remedy lies in your stories.
Every reality exists simultaneously. By shifting one’s stories, through simple declarative statements, one finds oneself realizing totally different versions of the exact same reality they experience. Only details change because the better-feeling stories draw details matching them.
I love this work. I love showing people how to change their stories so they end up on track to everything they want.
But what fulfills me most is the jubilance I feel when I see significant positive shifts in people’s being. This happens in the video at 00:35:39. Especially when they see it too. That’s the payoff. That and the client realizing their life changed for the better, of course.
We’re all eternal. Getting what you want can happen all day every day. They’re sign posts along a never ending path of personal fulfillment and joy. Life’s purpose therefore doesn’t rest in getting what you want, although getting that really is fun.
Life’s purpose fulfills itself in wonderful, delicious, rambunctious feelings birthed from knowing you’re at the center of the Universe. You’re eternal, getting exactly what you create. Nothing beats that, as my client here shows.
It’s fun watching how my desires fulfill themselves. Even desires I want at one time, but then expand out of. These too still become my reality, whether I want them or not. When this happens, it proves what we talk about at The Transamorous Network.
Through such proof I also learn how to refine my story telling practice. That way I create more reality consistent with my desire. What happened recently offers a perfect example.
While working at that company though, I briefly aspired to management. At the time I saw pretty great potential in moving up the ranks, potentially rising quickly as that company grew.
But those thoughts came from old stories. Stories most people tell about what “success” looks like. In those stories, “career success”, “corporate success”, rising through the ranks and a big salary means success.
That kind of success though tends to cost a lot. One’s life balance, freedom, passions and authentic self-expression usually get squelched in such opportunities. I should know. I enjoyed just such success at a major utility and a high tech company spanning over 20 years. Both careers took their toll.
I’m glad I’m past that.
Be careful what you ask for…you might get it
Still, while at that big company, I got caught up in old beliefs. Other beliefs in that constellation had me doubt what I now no longer doubt. Those other beliefs told me pursuing my passions was scary, hard and hardly anyone succeeded doing that.
So one day, while doing my job, I told myself a story. I thought about how cool it would be to transition into management at this company. In telling that story, I created a future reality where the company invited me to apply for a position that opened doors to future operational leadership.
Then I forgot all about it. I didn’t “try” to “make it happen”. In fact until what happened next happened, I forgot all about that future reality.
That’s because during the ensuing short months at that company, several other desires fulfilled themselves. Those opened doors to where I am now, not working and instead pursuing my passions and allowing my Charmed Life.
Here’s what happened.
If it’s not a “hell yes!”
The other day I got an email. It came from a recruiter working at the company where I worked. The email offered me an operational leadership position. The position offered exactly what I wanted: open doors to greater leadership.
The email offering…
The email specifically said “this role is a stepping stone into operational leadership”!
At first, the email sounded interesting. But the more I thought about it, the less intriguing the opportunity felt.
“Why?” You may ask. “You manifested exactly what you wanted!”
True, I wanted that…a few years ago. Now, life and my desires changed. The opportunity sounded interesting. But interesting isn’t enough. I know if an opportunity doesn’t feel like a “Hell Yes”, it’s a “Hell no!”, no matter how good it sounds.
The real opportunity…
Given where I am, I wrote the sender telling him I wasn’t interested for several reasons. Then I thought about this experience and saw the gold in it.
I thought about the mechanics of this manifestation, what I did, or more important, what I didn’t do, and how it unfolded. Here’s what I saw:
I created the desire our of my then, now, the told the story of that desire
The desire felt exciting at the time and I had sincere interest in it.
Then, I totally forgot about it. I didn’t stew on it, I didn’t do any processes to amplify the desire or the fulfillment, I used no affirmations. I let it go.
This is important: Fulfillment took a while. During that time I felt no impatience about getting anywhere, which allowed me to relax and let things unfold.
As a result of all the above, the story manifested into a reality, with me not doing anything to “make it happen”.
This result typifies what I’d call perfect manifestation technique. No focus on “when” or “how”. No trying to make it happen. Total surrender and…fulfillment…with no effort on my part.
This manifestation also lets me know just because a manifestation fulfills itself doesn’t mean I need to step into it. Manifestations represent sign posts along my unfolding path to expansion, which has no end.
That means I face continual streams of unfolding desires, some I’ll embrace, others I’ll pass by.
Today far more interesting unfolding desires keep me excited about my now and the future. I enjoy watching all desires unfold though, whether I embrace them or not, knowing they all come with teachings which make me a better, deliberate creator.
Online dating seems like the way everyone meets their match these days. But the best, most fun way to meet your match if you’re transgender or trans-attracted happens not through online dating. It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part.
It’s surprising how few people actually use online dating. It’s not as many as you think. And, according to general opinion, results people get from online dating, on average, show online dating performs about as well as meeting people through other methods.
In this post, we’re going explain why we don’t encourage finding romantic partners through online dating. Then we’ll explain how being happy works better. In fact, its success rate is 100 percent. Then we’ll explain why being happy enjoys such a perfect success rate.
When it comes to online dating, we’re not just giving our opinion. We’re sharing opinions from over 4,000 online daters. Pew Research interviewed these people then wrote a report called “The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating.” Numbers shared in this post come from Pew’s survey data report.
Let’s get right to it.
The good news
It’s no surprise that online daters trend younger. What did surprise us is Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) online dating usage exceeds other groups. LGB community members use online dating at much higher rates than any other population.
It’s fair to say then, that higher percentages of people dating online also are LGB. It’s also safe to say LGB folks (and we’ll include “T” folks too as well as Trans-attracted people) experience less desirable online dating results more often. That’s because more LGB people use online dating.
Full disclosure: at least one of our Transamorous Network clients finds online dating helpful. But two others traded online dating for the approach we recommend at the end of this post, and for good reasons.
Online dating gets hyped, which is why so many people use it to try to find a partner. (Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash)
Over the years, more people, generally, turned to online dating. Increases in online dating probably reflect increased communication about online dating and the availability of it. An online dating platform exists for virtually any persuasion, interest, hobby or characteristic. That plus relatively inexpensive membership costs, make online dating quite alluring.
Add to that the fact that online dating is a for-profit business model with investors making money off your loneliness, you can bet investors will spend a lot of money getting you to subscribe. So seeing online dating opportunity everywhere should not surprise you.
Furthermore, people’s increasingly busy lives, their intense desire for finding a partner, especially young people, and perhaps people’s dissatisfaction finding partners in other ways, caused large jumps in online dating participation over the last decade or so.
Still, that doesn’t mean a lot of people date online. Pew says only 30 percent of Americans use online dating. Now, 30 percent of 300 million people is a lot. But relative to the whole, it’s not.
How do they fare?
Of that 30 percent, less than half (12 percent) reported they had a committed relationship or married someone they met online. That means 88 percent of people who use online dating don’t end up in committed relationships or marriage with someone they met online.
We mentioned above that a lot of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) people use online dating. Over half (55 percent) of LGB people try finding mates this way, with a large number of 18-29 year olds (48 percent) doing so as well. According to Pew, both groups report higher success finding partners. Twenty percent of both young people and LGB people say they married or had committed relationships with someone they met online.
But that still leaves 80 percentof both groups who did not.
So how successful online dating can be depends on many factors. But no matter the factors, we’d say an 80 percent failure rate is not a successful dating method.
Combined with problems online dating comes with, which we’ll share momentarily, one would think no one would go for the hype. Could it be online dating success gets way overblown? Or do other reasons compel people to online dating sites?
People use online dating for different reasons, many of which seem quite reasonable. (Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash)
People report reasonable causes for using online dating.
Many report online dating offers a wider pool of potential partners. Some say they can screen people ahead of time, thereby eliminating obvious not-matches. Others say it’s just easier. Many appreciate online dating’s perceived low costs. Online dating, others say, also offers like-minded people opportunities to meet.
The Pew report adds: “Relatively small shares [of people] argue that online dating has had a mostly positive effect because it is a more efficient way of meeting people, is a better alternative to more traditional ways of meeting, helps people who have trouble meeting others or is a safer way of meeting people.”
So online dating does seem to offer good usage cases. But let’s look at some downsides people report.
Online dating isn’t fun
Pew says “There is a stronger consensus among respondents who believe dating sites and apps have had a mostly negative effect.”
Various forms of dishonesty – ranging from people embellishing the truth to outright scams exist on these sites. Some respondents say online dating makes courtship more like an assembly line process. It takes romance and spontaneity out of dating and eliminates more meaningful and deeper connections. Minorities often report finding online dating more difficult than non-minorities.
Participants often say people don’t act like themselves online. No one is actually getting to really know each other, they say, and communication is flawed from the beginning. They also say “swipe mentality” and a constant influx of new “inventory” causes more superficial reactions to profiles rather than meaningful connection between people.
Online dating apps frequently leave people feeling frustrated and hopeless. Yet, people still use them. Go figure. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
Reports show people often swing way out of their league too. They go after people far more attractive, successful or otherwise beyond their “class” so to speak. This often leads to frustration and disappointment.
It’s no wonder then that wide margins of users report negative online dating experiences. Nearly half (45 percent) said online dating leaves them more frustrated than hopeful. Sixty percent of female users report receiving harassing behavior. Some even say online dating fosters superficial hook-up behavior over deeper, longer-lasting relationships. A few even say online dating isn’t safe.
So generally, while online dating success happens for a few, far more users experience many downsides, including failure and frustration dating online.
It’s just not fun wading through profiles day-in and day-out. Doing so leads to isolation, despondency and even anxiety for many. Success comes to very few.
Why it doesn’t work
Online dating fails an 80 percent of the time.
Would you drive a car that breaks down and can’t get you to work 80 percent of the time? Certainly you wouldn’t work someplace where 80 percent of the time you wouldn’t get paid, would you? Would you buy a plane ticket from an airline whose planes crashed 80 percent of the time? Would you date someone who lied to you 80 percent of the time?
Of course you would do none of these things. Yet so many people hope to find a match through a process that fails 80 of the time. Isn’t that interesting? A more interesting question: why does it fail so often?
The short answer: because online dating can’t overcome stories people tell themselves. Your stories create your reality. What that means: if you think, for example, that you can’t find a man who will love you for who you are, no online dating platform can bring you a man who will love you for who you are. Instead, you’ll get results like this person, every time:
A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.
Let’s say you believe transgender women are attractive, sexy and someone you want to be with. But you also believe you might be gay because of your attraction. Or that your friends will humiliate you should they find our. Or you believe your religion says your attraction means you’ll go to hell. A dating site will will only match you with transgender women whose beliefs match yours. Meaning, you will meet transgender women who themselves harbor insecurities, fears, self loathing, unworthiness, and they will act from those feelings.
You see, it doesn’t matter what external tool you try using. That’s because your thoughts – about you, about your partner, about life in general – dominate. They create your experience.
Dating failure starts in the head
Think about it. Here I am in front of my computer. I worked all day at a job I don’t like. I come home, I’m tired. Because I’m tired, I don’t think about what or how I’m thinking. So my thoughts wander. I think about my empty apartment, how quiet it is. I decide I don’t like that. Then I remember that story my friend told me about how she met someone who turned out to be an asshole. I don’t like that either.
Men are scum, I say out loud. It’s my common refrain.
Then I think about how lonely I feel. At 35, time’s running out for me. My last relationship was three years ago. It ended ugly. So now, in this gaggle of disempowering thoughts/stories, I open Match.com or OKCupid and…
What do you think I’m a match to? A successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed?
OF COURSE I’M NOT!
Why on earth would I expect a dating app to match me with that kind of person?
IT CAN’T!
Finding lasting love can and does happen. In every case it happens by becoming a match to it. Are you really a match to the person you’re looking for? Most aren’t, which is why they fail. (Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash)
And even if it did, should I try communicating with that person, my insecurity, loneliness and desperation would speak more loudly than any words on a computer screen! Or, that person will just pass up both my message and profile. He literally won’t see it because his stories draw to him matches to the confidence, happiness, fun and love he feels.
All anything in physical reality can do is respond to what you put out through your stories. Which means, if you want to meet your ideal match, you must become a match to that person.
How do you do that?
By changing how you think about life. By changing how you think about everything.
“Everything?” You say?
Yes, EVERYTHING!!!! 😂
Again, think about it
Think about that successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed. It’s highly unlikely that guy is on an online dating app.
Do you get that?
He’s out having fun. He’s hanging with his homies. Working late because he loves his job, he doesn’t have time for dating apps. This guy’s confidence attracts whoever he wants. That success he enjoys does too.
Since he’s comfortable with who he is, confident in his life and happy, he doesn’t feel lonely. Nor does he feel he needs a relationship. A relationship might add to life, but HE DOESN’T NEED ONE.
That handsome, fun, successful guy isn’t using online dating. He’s out living large and loving life. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)
You do though. And so you aren’t a match to this guy. Nor are you happy because you keep thinking about the relationship you don’t have, the one you badly want.
Same goes with a successful, happy, beautiful transgender woman, guys. If you pine for such a girl and open your computer to find one, she’s not going to be there because she doesn’t need it to find her match. Chances are, she’s not looking for a match anyway. Her life is full and she’s happy.
Transgender women and trans-attracted men must find a better approach. One that works 100 percent of the time. That approach starts with an internal examination.
The better approach
Yes, the better approach works 100 percent of the time. Here’s why. Read carefully, because this will trip you out.
There’s only one reason, the only, ultimate reason, people want a partner. People think it’s because they want children. Some think they want one for the company. Others say because they don’t want to be lonely. Some just want sex. Some believe it will make them “complete”.
But underneath all these superficial reasons (yes, they’re all superficial compared to the ultimate reason) lurks the one reason everyone wants a partner: because in having one, they feel better than they do without one.
That’s it? Yep. That’s it.
Being in love feels better than not. Being in a relationship, even in a not-so-good one, many will say, feels better than being alone. Having children, for some, feels great. Sex…well, you know.
The point is, relationship pursuit, at its core, happens because people everywhere look to relationships because they believe relationships make them happy.
The better approach, the one that works 100 percent of the time, is this: First, be happy. Cultivate a chronic, lasting happiness that’s unconditional. Do that and you don’t need a partner because…well…you’re already happy!
And here’s the sneaky part of the better approach, the thing you’re looking for: just like the ideal guy and the ideal trans woman described above, in being happy, you don’t need a relationship. And, paradoxically, when you don’t need one, the one you want shows up. Without you doing anything to get it.
It gives you everything you want
The thing is, everyone can easily beat bad results 80-90 percent of people get through online dating. We’re going to tell you how that approach works, but first we’re going to tell you why it’s the better approach.
Not only does it do all the work, not only does it work 100 percent of the time, it’s more fun. The better approach happens in your real life, not in a computer. Your life transforms before your eyes and as it does, you find life getting more and more interesting and enjoyable.
The approach that works 100 percent of the time starts with you. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)
Frustration doesn’t exist either. In time, happiness becomes your standard state. Frustration, anxiety, fear and insecurity disappear. In their absence, life flows easily towards your ideals.
People can’t scam or use you. They can’t because they can’t find you. Just like the happy guy described above isn’t a match to you when you’re cranky and alone, scammers and users can’t scam and use you if you’re not a match to their plans, can they?
With the better approach, you only meet your matches. Your pool of available matches increases infinitely using this approach…but.
You only need one guy or girl. Think about it. Unless you’re poly, do you really need a huge-ass candidate pool? Of course not. You’re looking for that one partner. The great thing about the better approach is there are many “one partners” and they’re the only ones you meet when using this approach.
Also, you’re already happy using the better approach! Relationships then become nice-to-haves. Not must haves.
And, when you do meet your match(es), it happens in fun and surprising ways. The better approach brings back the spice, the romance, the excitement that once existed in dating. Who doesn’t like being surprised?
Meanwhile the rest of your life gets better too. Literally everything you want comes to you the more you use this approach. Can online dating make that claim?
How it works
It seems like the approach would be complicated. It’s not. We show our clients how to use it and they get all the results stated above. That one client we said who still uses online dating? She’s learning how to use our approach while dating online. And while to us, that’s suboptimal, she’s having fun meeting all kinds of people.
But we think she’ll drop online dating once she really understands how the approach works.
You will too.
The approach works simply. Every experience you find yourself in, happens because you draw it to you. You’re like a magnet. Experiences act like metal. Which experiences you experience depends on what “magnetic attraction” you put out.
The approach described here happens all day every day for everyone, no exceptions. Any one can easily confirm it happening in their lives. One need only know how to see the signs.
Once a person activates their “magnetism” the way that attracts what they want, those things just come. If your “magnetism” is off, that what you get. Off stuff.
Your can’t control what comes after things start coming. The only control a person has is what kind of “magnetism” they put out. How does a person control what “magnetism” they put out?
Through thoughts they think.
We lied, it’s not simple
While it’s fun knowing specific details how thoughts determine that “magnetism”, you don’t need to know those details to leverage the approach. And it will still work 100 percent of the time.
All you need to do is examine what you’re thinking about everything you think about and gradually change all those thoughts to positive ones. Again, this process works 100 percent of the time. The cool thing is, the results show up at once. Waiting around isn’t necessary. You don’t need to wade through any profiles or even go on dates!
Feeling better is what everyone wants. It’s the reason everyone wants what they want. Including relationships. Get happy and watch how what you want comes easily.
In no time you’ll find yourself happy. “Happy” means you’re putting out the right “magnetism”. The key then is holding yourself in “happy” long enough to create a momentum or chronic happy state.
On the way to cultivating that state everything we wrote about in the “it gives you everything you want” section above happens.
Now think about that: standing in all that goodness coming your way and seeing it happen, aren’t you happy? You are. And in that happiness, do you really need a relationship? Not really. You may still want one and that’s fine.
100 percent success rate
The great news is, you’ve freed yourself from desperation, frustration, anxiety and every other feeling borne of negative thoughts. Thoughts that block you getting what you want.
In that freedom the relationship you want will come. One hundred percent guaranteed.
At The Transamorous Network we show people how this approach works. Those working with us get everything they want. But it doesn’t stop there. They discover how much fun life is, then they keep working with us because it’s super fun being around happy people who themselves enjoy life so much.
Online dating looks and feels convenient and easy. But with an 80 percent failure rate, we think that ease and convenience is not worth the cost. The best, most fun way to meet your match, if you’re transgender or trans-attracted, happens not through online dating.
It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part. Want to ask a question or give it a try? We’d love to hear from you.
Don’t be part of the 80 – 90 percent of people failing online. Find your happiness. Then, discover how easy it is being happy, and finding your true love.
The easiest way to get someone to stop misgendering you involves loving that person when they do it. Especially when parents misgender you. Here’s why we advocate this approach at The Transamorous Network.
Parents stick to misgendering their trans kids because they think they’re right. Nearly all people think they’re right about what they think they know. Another reason they do it involves pain. They don’t want to be wrong. Being wrong feels painful.
Parents think they know more than their children do. They’re wrong, but remember, they think they’re right and being wrong feels painful. Besides, they don’t want to believe the person they love is not the person they thought the person was.
Changing in front of children is hard
Acknowledging your identity also confronts their social standing and that’s hard for old people. No one likes losing face and old people really don’t. Your parents not only must confront their own judgements, they must also face their peers’ judgments too.
That’s tough. Misgendering you let’s them live in la la land. There they’re right and they save face. That’s a lot keeping your mom and dad misgendering you.
Parents also find socially embarrassing and humiliating being judged when in public. They care a LOT about what other people think about them. For some, their whole identity depends on what others think about them. For others, their entire career depends on it.
So parents face tremendous pressure when a child declares themselves trans.
We’re not making excuses for your parents. We’re showing you how to get what you want from them: You want them to use proper pronouns and call you by the name matching who you are.
Parents, especially older ones think they know everything. Your trans status usually confronts everything they think they know. So you must be the adult. Because they can’t. They’re too triggered. (Photo by CDC on Unsplash)
But it’s all about them…not you
Notice what happens when you resist when they misgender you: They double down, refuse your wishes, disown you or you them. Why? Because they’re defending themselves, their stories and their world view. For a while, these things are more important than a relationship with you.
All that means NOTHING about you. It’s all about them. Notice too the more you push against their world view, the more they resist you. In our vernacular, here is what happens when you resist what they do.
First, you reinforce many stories you have about your parents, which sets up future repeat experiences of what you’re resisting. You know this when you feel negative when they do what you don’t like.
Second, your parents resist your resistance, which creates in their world repeat experiences too. So you both cooperate in creating new experiences just like existing ones. Experiences neither you nor them enjoys.
This is why your parents misgendering you won’t stop until you stop resisting what they do. Of course, they could stop resisting who you really are. But, ironically, you’re the adult in this case. Not your parents. So you must make the first move.
A real example speaks volumes
A transgender client asked us why her parents kept misgendering her recently. I told her exactly what you’re reading. I said because she keeps resisting when they do it.
The most recent time happened in a social event. Her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. They did it in front of everyone. My client was embarrassed because she puts a lot of weight on what other people think about her.
The next day, a relative approached my client. “I can’t believe your parents did that in front of everybody!” this relative said. “It makes me so angry when they do that! They know you’re trans, why do they keep doing it?”
When my client told me what her relative said and how angry he was, I told my client “You don’t want to be listening to this person. Hearing this person’s stories and making them your own will just create more situations between you and your parents where they will misgender you.”
“Instead,” I said. “You should love your parents. Look for everything they do to support you. Find things you like about them. Focus on those things. When they misgender you, pretend it didn’t happen!”
My client laughed at first. She didn’t understand how doing this would work.
When you push against what you don’t like you’re setting yourself up for more of what you don’t like. That creates a lot of cray-cray on all sides. Instead, find good things about where you are and watch where you are change. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)
Here’s why it works
It works because whatever you look at will get bigger in your life. Whatever you look at that you feel emotional about will get bigger, faster in your life. So when you keep looking at, and get angry about ANYONE who misgenders you, you’re essentially saying “Universe, give me more of this!”
I told my client this and she said she understood.
But when she came to the next session she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened.
She had a telephone conversation with her mom. While on the phone, her relative’s complaints about her mom popped up in her head. Then she heard my voice in her head telling her not to heed her relative’s stories. But she also felt the pull of that negative story about her mom.
So instead of looking for things love-worthy in her mom she followed impulses that came from her relative’s negative stories.
“Mom,” she said. “I hope you can hear me when I say this. It really hurts me when you don’t use the correct pronouns. It also hurts me when you call me by my old name. I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
Like a match to gasoline…
Exactly as I described above, her mom got defensive instead of listening to what my client said. She didn’t hear a word my client said. Here’s what she did hear:
You’re wrong
You’re bad
I know better than you
Do what I say!
Your values are wrong
Your beliefs are wrong
Is it any surprise what happened next? Her mom got defensive, then angry, then went into a rage. She attacked my client (remember this is a phone call). In response, my client lost her cool and attacked back.
My client’s mom had the phone on speaker and her husband (my client’s step father) also jumped in. Of course he defended his wife. That’s natural, right?
My client said she said things to her mom she regrets saying. She also said her mom said things she’s never said to my client before. The phone call happened three days ago. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.
Your anger at those who misgender you acts as a match to gasoline. The fire just gets hotter…until you learn the better way. That learning needn’t be as hard as it is though. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)
Lesson learned the hard way
My client left the conversation extremely hurt. But it was all good because she realized through that very painful experience the accuracy of how this work works.
You just cannot get what you want when you focus on what you don’t want. Focusing on what you don’t want just gives you more of that.
So if you want someone to stop misgendering you, you can’t react negatively when they do it. Instead, you must find things to appreciate about the person. When someone misgenders you, you must talk yourself out of negative reactions. Then find positive things to say that cause you to feel good.
Until you do, until you learn to master your emotional responses to events, you just keep getting more practice. Practice which looks like people misgendering you!
It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But try it. You’ll find in short order that those who refuse to accept who you are will change. Then you’ve mastered your happiness.
It will take longer for loved ones only because you’ve got persistent stories about them, about how they are, and you think you’re right about that. But even persistent beliefs can change.
And when your beliefs change, everything else does too.
If you’re married, trans-attracted, and sexing up transgender women on the side, you might be putting you and your marriage at great risk. That’s because while The Transamorous Network doesn’t ruin marriages, someone in the transgender community does.
Yours could be next. 😱
In the last six months, I got calls from two different people I normally don’t get calls from. The first call came from a distraught father in the midwest. He worried about his estranged son, who went dark over a year ago. Apparently, his son moved to Oregon (where I live), got in trouble with the law and wasn’t in a good place.
I asked the father how he heard about this and why, on earth, he called me…
The other call came from a wife here in the Northwest. She called twice back-to-back during a client session. After my client, I returned her call. She was raging angry. Apparently she discovered her husband cheated on her with transgender women for years.
This call felt more connected with Transamorous Network practice compared to the father conversation. Still, mild surprise had me ask her how she got my number…
Cheating trans-attracted men put on blast
Both the father and wife answered my question the same way. They each got a letter.
Each letter, addressed specifically to the father and wife, detailed the son and husband’s involvement with transgender women. The hand-written letters told, in first person details, about the son’s and husband’s trans-attraction activities. Only someone intimately involved with them would know details shared.
In the father’s case, the letter said something like “your son sleeps with trans women, you need to accept that so he’ll accept it too.” The letter addressed to the wife described the husband in unsavory terms and included details about his dalliances I’d prefer not describe.
Far more shocking though was what both letters shared. Both concluded with references to The Transamorous Network and my telephone number. No return address. Both recipients thought we sent the letter.
We did not.
A Transgender caped crusader or vigilante?
What’s going on here? A transgender woman, or group maybe, outs men to their families and spouses after sharing beds with them. The men seem oblivious, the partners and families feel shocked and saddened. Marriages start unraveling, angers soar (mostly among wives).
I don’t blame the wives. Were I in their shoes, I’d be pissed too!
If you’ve read our blog comments section, you know more wives show up nowadays expressing rage, frustration and judgement about everything about their husbands’ cheating. The good news: these marriages weren’t going to last anyway. The men clearly are trans-attracted. And while a few men can remain cis-married and trans-attracted, most must reconcile their attraction and marital status.
Still, I must ask: Who has it out for these men? Did a group of transgender women start collaborating to out these DL men? Or has one transgender woman resolved to teach them a lesson by destroying their families?
Maybe she or they have had it with DL men. Perhaps they think blowing up marriages creates a big enough shock to get men to own their natural attraction in the open. It’s not an approach I endorse.
And why include The Transamorous Network in all this? For sure, both married men and wives can benefit from what we do. In fact, I’ve already supported one woman (not the one who called recently) seeking advice on next steps with her trans-attracted husband and marriage.
What’s my role in all this?
Both incidences involved men in the Northwest. So it’s likely the trans-vigilantes, fed up with men on the DL and determined to punish these men, operate in the Northwest. Or, they might be nationwide.
Who knows?
One thing’s for sure: Neither me nor The Transamorous Network knows who these transgender women are. We also didn’t give them permission to use our contact information. But we must say two things about this: one, it’s good for business, as the angry wives call us looking for answers. We can help in that regard.
So it was smart referring these people to us.
Second, At least these vigilantes are giving the couple a resource that could dramatically change everyone’s life for the better. Including the vigilantes.
So men – you’ve been warned. Beware. Before you put your pee pee in that hole think about that ring on your finger. Looks like now, if you’re cheating on your cisgender wife, the risks of you getting outed just went up.
