Editor’s note: Occasionally, we’ll be sharing conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
Hi The Transamorous Network,
I’m a transgender woman. I worked with a man for a couple years who was a superior and I had a really strong chemistry with. People said we acted like an old married couple.
I kind of grew to have a lot of love for him (not in love, as that’s way different) There was always some flirtation and other people noticed how differently he treated me vs my team mates.
Anywho when someone confronted him about me liking him, he said “I ain’t dating no [deadname]” mind you he met way after I transitioned. He very obviously would check me out when I would change out of my work clothes before I headed out for the day. We no longer work together but I handed him my phone number on his last day as a friendly gesture (he had/maybe still has a gf who isn’t so great to him, so I hear).
I think he’ll eventually creep his way back into my life one way or another, I’m giving it time though because I know that the pressure on cishet men to admit their attraction to trans women can be a lot. I’m definitely learning to be more patient with men. Your website has really intrigued me and opened my eyes a little and I’m looking forward to future posts and videos!
Janis in Joplin, MI
Hi Janis,
We can tell you are changing your stories so that you have more positive experiences with trans-attracted men. How do we know? How you write about this experience. How you tell your story is about as neutral to positive as we’d expect given your experience. That you’re willing to continue to give him a chance says a lot too.
When a trans woman (or anyone) stands in non-judgement, life will amaze her. You can expect life will bring you more men consistent with your non-judgmental, open perspective towards men interested in transgender women.
In time, as you continue in this direction, you’ll find the men showing up meeting more and more what you’re looking for. That’s a lot to look forward to!
Your intuition is key. Just make sure you’re hearing your intuition and not something else, like a negative friend in your head, or your own past negative stories. This is key also, and we think you’re getting it.
For example, it’s one thing to have a thought that says “he’s making me out as a sex object.” then making a decision based on that, without feeling bad about the fact that he may be doing that.
It’s another thing entirely to have a thought that says “he’s making me out as a sex object.” then getting pissed about it, complaining about it to yourself and your friends, blogging about it, making a YouTube video about it, making the guy wrong about it and then making a decision based on all that. The former reaction moves you forward. The latter moves you forward too…right into another similar experience.
Sounds like you’re moving forward in a good way. That’s good. Keep that up and you’ll see. Your life will get way better. And not just with men.
This guy will come back into your life if you two are a match. Everything you experience matches your stories.
Finally, good that you’re getting how challenging it is for men. The more transgender women get this, the more quickly the entire dynamic between transgender women and the men who love them will change for the benefit of all involved. We’re glad we’re doing our part to make that happen.
TTN