Transgender Diversity Dominates

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Fascination grows in me the more I work with trans and trans-attracted people. There’s no such thing as homogeneity anywhere. That includes trans and trans-attracted populations.

Not all transgender women, for example, believe an “inner female is struggling to get out” of me. I get how a trans person might feel that way. What I’m seeing though tells me that statement says more about how the speaker sees the world than it describes what’s happening.

I’m realizing there is no “male” or “female”. There’s just what is. I wonder if, when a trans woman says something like “I feel like a woman”, what that really is is a statement approximating what they feel, compared to what they see. They see people they resonate with, who appear “female”, so they conclude that’s what they are.

Transgender dissonance

I attended a discussion group at my local Q center. Some transgender attendees confided their bafflement over how out-of-place they felt in their transitioned gender. Both transgender men AND trans women in this group described how different cis-men and women were from them.

The speakers found it difficult relating to dynamics within and among these groups, indicating perhaps that the speakers were not “male” or “female” as they thought they were, but instead were something different. Something more.

Three experiences, two with clients and another with someone I spoke on the phone yesterday adds more complexity.

My first client enjoys creating a future in which he expresses a wonderful gender blend. He relishes expressing combinations representing traditional “male” and “female” social markers: breasts, a peak-toned, muscular, yet slender physique, hairless scalp, eyeliner, and a delicate frilly blouse and skirt. He will pull it off too. He looks good. This client rejects the idea of “a woman trapped in a man’s body” he hears so much among transgender women he hangs with. He feels being trans is more than that.

I agree.

The other client clearly expresses feminine traits, yet she rejects her developing breasts. In her best moments, she relishes her expression somewhere between “male” and “female” too. She’s impatient to have her Adam’s apple reduced, but likes other features marking her as “male”. Her authenticity conflicts with her dating stories: she believes most men look for “women”. They’re not interested, she believes, in someone somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

I totally disagree, of course. Matches exist for every expression.

so, upheld how diverse “transgender” really is. He knows himself as trans, yet doesn’t dress en femme as much as he wears “men’s” clothes. He is calm with where he is. Not a single transitionary step piqued his interest yet. And while he enjoys attention and conversation with trans-attracted men, he doesn’t enjoy anal sex. That’s quite a perspective.

More are on the way

An intuitive hit tells me our age now allows all kinds of expressions, especially when it comes to presenting gender and orientation, but not only that. Social churn we’re seeing today I believe stems from humanity growing through greater clarity. It knows there’s more to what we as humans allowed in the past. More diversity, not less, is on the way. In that, there’s not only no binary, there’s no right way.

I think about the person I talked with on the phone. I thought how he will meet men who will find attractive his desire to present sometimes as male, sometimes as a woman. A match exists for everyone.

That conversation prompted this post. He said, it’s hard finding people to befriend, even though he lives in Los Angeles, a Mecca of sorts for LGBT people. He said he feels uncomfortable and alone because he doesn’t see anyone like him: people who share his perspective, his unique expression focus.

Trans is a leading edge

Perhaps that’s because he’s here to lead the way? What if by virtue of living his authentic life, he made space for others to do the same?

Maybe the one reason this guy sees no examples of who he feels he is is because society is only just now opening its eyes to humanity’s authentic expression: it’s never been about “male” and “female”.

So while a lot of people rail over and push against society about how “trans women are WOMEN”, that doesn’t even begin to tell the whole story.

Trans people are divine, eternal beings. Like all people, they can’t be put in ANY kind of box.

Let them be free. If you’re trans or trans-attracted free yourself. “Gay or straight” is a box. “Trans women are women” is a box. No matter how comfortable one may feel it.

Free yourself and watch how great diversity that is you shines, and in that shining you’ll shape humanity to more truly reflect All That Is. Doing that you’ll not only find freedom, you’ll find joy too.

Letters@The Transamorous Network


Editor’s note: Occasionally, we’ll be sharing conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi The Transamorous Network,

I’m a transgender woman. I worked with a man for a couple years who was a superior and I had a really strong chemistry with. People said we acted like an old married couple.

I kind of grew to have a lot of love for him (not in love, as that’s way different) There was always some flirtation and other people noticed how differently he treated me vs my team mates.

Anywho when someone confronted him about me liking him, he said “I ain’t dating no [deadname]” mind you he met way after I transitioned. He very obviously would check me out when I would change out of my work clothes before I headed out for the day. We no longer work together but I handed him my phone number on his last day as a friendly gesture (he had/maybe still has a gf who isn’t so great to him, so I hear).

I think he’ll eventually creep his way back into my life one way or another, I’m giving it time though because I know that the pressure on cishet men to admit their attraction to trans women can be a lot. I’m definitely learning to be more patient with men. Your website has really intrigued me and opened my eyes a little and I’m looking forward to future posts and videos!

Janis in Joplin, MI

Hi Janis,

We can tell you are changing your stories so that you have more positive experiences with trans-attracted men. How do we know? How you write about this experience. How you tell your story is about as neutral to positive as we’d expect given your experience. That you’re willing to continue to give him a chance says a lot too.

When a trans woman (or anyone) stands in non-judgement, life will amaze her. You can expect life will bring you more men consistent with your non-judgmental, open perspective towards men interested in transgender women.

In time, as you continue in this direction, you’ll find the men showing up meeting more and more what you’re looking for. That’s a lot to look forward to!

Your intuition is key. Just make sure you’re hearing your intuition and not something else, like a negative friend in your head, or your own past negative stories. This is key also, and we think you’re getting it.

For example, it’s one thing to have a thought that says “he’s making me out as a sex object.” then making a decision based on that, without feeling bad about the fact that he may be doing that.

It’s another thing entirely to have a thought that says “he’s making me out as a sex object.” then getting pissed about it, complaining about it to yourself and your friends, blogging about it, making a YouTube video about it, making the guy wrong about it and then making a decision based on all that. The former reaction moves you forward. The latter moves you forward too…right into another similar experience.

Sounds like you’re moving forward in a good way. That’s good. Keep that up and you’ll see. Your life will get way better. And not just with men.

This guy will come back into your life if you two are a match. Everything you experience matches your stories.

Finally, good that you’re getting how challenging it is for men. The more transgender women get this, the more quickly the entire dynamic between transgender women and the men who love them will change for the benefit of all involved. We’re glad we’re doing our part to make that happen.


Letters@The Transamorous Network

Untitled_Artwork 3
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Editor’s note: Occasionally, we’ll be sharing conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. Here’e the first. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

So I’m a pretty passable decently attractive trans woman in my early 20s. I live in a small town and there is a man that I started texting from tinder since early 2017. He never wanted to meet up and told me to keep our interactions quiet/not to tell anybody that we talk.

Every single text conversation with him he has always turned it into a point of sex or asking for trans porn referrals. I stopped talking to him because he was too scared to take me out on a date in fear of others finding out or knowing that I was trans. I was especially done talking to him after I told him that I’m not interested in hookups, so he asked me if I have any trans girlfriends that are!

He just reached out to me and I told him I was no longer interested and he said that “he’s changed” and that he’s “ready to openly date a trans woman” because he allegedly went on some dates with another trans woman (probably someone I know too given the small town). He said that he’s only interested in me because I’m preop and that if I had “the surgery” he would no longer be interested in me. Isn’t this ridiculous or am I wrong?

To me this is saying “I like you but if you gained 10 pounds I’d have to break up with you”. Am I wrong to think this is poor behavior?

Chrissy in Chehalis


Hi Chrissy,

Have you seen our illustrated guide to the Tranny-chaser to Transamorous Journey? It might be helpful for you.

In short, if you think this is ridiculous then you’re telling stories that will bring more of these situations to you. Instead, you could put aside your judgement and see what happens. You don’t have to compromise what you want at all. But there is a story you’re telling that is bringing this kind of guy into your life.

Sure his behavior could be judged as poor. As well as judging a guy (or a girl btw) who might want a person who does not gain weight as having poor behavior. But a preference is a preference. They are all personal and they’re all valid (for the person with the preference).

But just because it’s a preference HE has, doesn’t mean YOU have to agree with it. The opportunity lies in how you (dis)agree. If you call it “ridiculous” then you’re in trouble.

Instead, appreciate the guy’s presumed movement forward however it happened. Appreciate that he likes you well enough to have come back. Appreciate the attention.

And, if you prefer a man desire you for other reasons, politely tell him no thanks. Be calm. Better yet, appreciate the experience for the clarity you now have: Now you know more clearly what you want…and what you don’t. That’s great awareness.

Never compromise what you want because you can always have what you want. But you shoot what you want in the head when you judge (tell a negative story about) what you don’t want.

Does that make sense?

Everything in your experience is there reflecting your stories. Change your stories and the guys you meet will change.

Bridging Stories To A New Reality (Video)

The stories I tell are creating my reality. I am bridging those stories with ones that create more things in my reality that I want. I know what I’m telling by looking at what my now contains. For my now reflects back to me my stories. My current now can be bridged to a better now. I do that by thinking thoughts into stories representing what I want in my now: happiness, joy, fun and things that surprise and delight me. Be sure to watch with your sound on.

Your Happiness: The Fastest Way To A Life You Love

happiness is the goal

Your life is supposed to be an ongoing series of happy experiences that get better and better. Then you return to where you came, reveling in the joyful adventure you had on earth. Transgender or trans-attracted, this is supposed to be your life experience.

That includes all the lovers you might want.

We call it living “happily ever after.” That’s why you’re here.

A lot of people would probably say being transgender or transamorous means you’ll be or must be unhappy. Feeling bitter, frustrated, angry, scared, annoyed, jealous, or insecure seems to come with the territory.

But there is no circumstance in which you can’t be happy. You only have to learn how it’s done.

In happiness you get all you want. Including love and security. No matter how many transgender women get murdered. No matter how many work in the sex industry. Those numbers don’t condemn you to an unhappy life.

The only thing keeping you from being happy and having all you want is literally “doing” life wrong. With practice and patience you can not only have the life you want, you also can be an example for others.


How to be happy

Happiness is not the result of doing. It results from being.

In other words, it’s a “being state”.

You become happy by being happy.

“That sounds like a circular argument, Perry. What do you mean?”

Let’s clear up some misconceptions.

Pursing happiness through material consumption or acts, including sex, is bound to disappoint. That’s because feelings you get from buying things, or from your action aren’t meant to be permanent. They’re meant to make you want more.

Which they do.

That’s why the good-feeling from buying a new pair of shoes, for example, goes away after you’ve worn them a while.

It’s why when you have a casual sexual experience, after the orgasm, you tend to feel hollow.

happiness quote

When you figure out how to be happy as a being state, not through doing things, then actions you take from that being state are the way you express your happiness, not how you achieve happiness. They are also more powerful regarding getting what you want, including a lover.

In other words, your doing is an expression of your happy state, not a means to being happy. How do you find happiness? By first understanding what happiness is.

Happiness is an emotion. Yeah, you know that. But, what is the role of an emotion? Have you thought about that? In all the conversations we have about this, no one (so far) has thought thoroughly about what emotions are for.

They just accept their existence.

Emotions serve a purpose. Figure that out and you understand why being happy is important. Then, when you’re not happy, you know why.

Next, learn how to make happiness happen. Then and only then can you become happy when you’re not happy. It’s not true that you are not happy because of what you’re experiencing. You’re not happy because you’re not trying to be happy.

If you know how to make happiness happen, then when you’re not happy you can become happy. You only have to know how. Then practice. Once you’ve practiced, becoming happy at any time is easy.

Stay happy long enough and you’ll create “happiness momentum”. Happiness momentum is when happiness becomes your steady state. It takes a while to get there, but when you’re there, it’s easy to keep it going. This is crucial for living happily ever after.

IMG_0728 blog
Happiness momentum begins with you being happy for no other reason other than because you say so.

Here’s why.

Once you have created your own happiness momentum, then you’ve got it all. Because a consistent, happy state is the open door through which all you want easily comes.

There are other things you must to know. For one, you must learn to see signs telling you your practice is working.

What do we mean by that?

how you create reality blog
It’s simple science!

The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a series of accretion events. They look like random compositions of people, circumstances and objects coming together in a certain timing.

These accretion events show up through a process guided by something. It’s not random.

What seem like random events actually are planned events. Who is planning them? You are. How? Two ways that work together. One is what you pay attention to, the other is how you feel when you pay attention.

Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. That organizes accretion events to match your happiness. These become your life experience. Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. That organizes accretion events to match your negative feelings. These become your life experience.

So, you decide what events, people, elements and circumstances become your experience. And you know which ones are coming by how you feel.

It’s that simple.

Nearly everyone on the planet forgot this is how life works. And that’s why people try to “make” happiness happen through doing: buying things, going on trips, being with others, having sex etc.

The pursuit of happiness doesn’t work because the pursuer forgot she carries her happiness with her. Happiness is not found in the physical world. That’s not what the physical world is for.

We know this seems preposterous pseudoscience. But a little test on your part can prove that it works 100% of the time. Like many things requiring mastery, you need someone to remind you how to see the signs of it working.

Make your life purpose happiness and you will live happily every after. Including finding all the love you could possibly want.

We guarantee it. We also can show you how it’s done.