Category: Transwomen

Posted on

Don’t make them and they won’t

Happiness it the goalWord to this:  “Life is too short to waste while you lock yourself away and pretend your past and your passions never existed. So get out there. Do you. And be a fucking weirdo.”

I really don’t like comparing people’s situation, so I’m breaking my rule right now: If you think being Transamorous is scary. Think about being a Brazilian Transwoman. I seriously doubt someone is going to kill you for your romantic attraction to Transwomen. Seriously.

You might lose your job. But if you got balls, sue those bastards for wrongful termination. Your friends might tease you, call you fag or worse. Fuck’em. They weren’t your friends anyway.

In most cases, no one really gives a shit who you love. Really.  Not until you make them.  You make them give a shit when you believe they give a shit.

So love who you want and get over the belief that other people’s opinions matter.  I know, “better said than done when you aren’t at risk of losing your job, man.”  Yeah, that’s true, I’m not. I work for myself.  It’s also fucking irrelevant.  What is relevant is what you want to believe because what you’re believing now is creating your life experience.  Keep believing other people determine who you are.  That’s what you’ll get.  Keep believing being seen in public with a transperson is too much to (emotionally) bear.  It will be.  Keep believing your parents won’t approve.  You’re the one creating that situation, not your parents.

Or…

Realize you are the one in control of your life experience.  It’s a simple matter.  But it doesn’t start that way.  You create miracles on a moment by moment basis.  You just don’t know you’re doing it.  Once you do, you’ll discover a whole different world and how easy it can be to live there instead of living where you can’t be who you are.

There’s a world out there waiting for you. It’s a world where you can step out of your limitations and live the life you’re meant to, the one you chose to live before you got here.  That life includes loving transwomen proud and out loud.

The only thing at stake is your happiness.  It’s yours for the taking.  Don’t know how to get it?  I can show you.

Posted on

Ooh ooh, I LOVE this

Freak-flag flyThere’s an article on Medium got my attention. Be A Fucking Weirdo, it’s called.

It’s really about creativity.  But it’s so spot on for transpeople.  It totally works for Transamorous Men. The gist is, you’re only going to give to the world what you came to give to the world by being all that you are, not that stuffed-into-a-box person you became after childhood. Let your freak-flag fly because you’ll love your self and give room for others to do that too.

As a creative, I love this kind of messaging. As a Transamorous Male, I love it even more. I love being on the edge, where humanity is taking steps into the known-unknown of its own becoming.  Knowing I create my own reality, there’s no risk, no fear.  Only Joy.

You can live this joy too.  It doesn’t matter if you’re trans, or someone romantically attracted to transpeople.  Joy is there for the having folks.  You just have to apply a little more attention to the life you live in your “head” and a little less attention to the world around you….just for a while.

Then watch your world change right before your eyes.  Promise.

Just love this juicy part. I think it speaks right at us:

If you try and turn yourself into a stranger, someone you don’t truly recognise when you look in the mirror and see grey where there used to be vibrant colour, sooner or later that’s going to hurt you. It will crush you.

You’ll start to lose any kind of value in your life and you won’t feel comfortable in your skin.

That’s no way to live. It’s no way to be. It’s no way to exist. When you start to lose the pieces of you that give you a fire for life, sooner or later that fire goes out.

I don’t want to be there when that happens to you. It’s sad, it’s hard and it’s painful. Hiding from yourself is the surest path to self hatred, self pity and a whole lot of missed potential.

I don’t believe it will actually crush you if you look in the mirror and see grey.  I do believe that “crushing” pressure will – in some way – force you to realize what you really are and get on with being that!  No risk.  All joy.

That is, if you choose.

Posted on

Where’s your baby?

img_3756.jpgThe infant kind. No, I’m not talking about you birthing a child.  I’m talking about the baby you’re bathing. 

Here: I’ll explain.

We all desire connection. One connection we most want, particularly as adults, is romantic connection. If you’re a transwoman, or a Transamorous Man, you, more than most really desire that kind of connection.  As much as you may think you’re the independent sort, can do it on your own (men) or don’t need a man to validate you (women), if a transwoman (for the men) or a great guy (for transwomen) showed up today and asked you out, I highly doubt you would say no.

Both Transamorous Men and Transwomen therefore have a desire for what every person on the planet wants. So why are you having such a hard time at finding it?  Probably because of your baby.

You see, when you’re complaining that there are no guys out there who will treat you right, you’re unlikely to find those that will.  If you say to yourself, “there are no transwomen in my area” it’s really difficult to find one in your area. The more intensely you think these kinds of thoughts, the more opaque go your lenses.  It gets to the point where there’s no way you can’t see anything but the reality consistent with your thoughts.

I talked recently with a transwoman who was a guest on our Podcast.  Anyway, she had this to say about the pool of men out there who are “admirers” and how they treat transwomen:

…we are kept as secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…How they dehumanize us all while admiring us.

It’s certainly NOT “admiring” when a guy treats a transwoman this way. Not by my definition. And while speaker did acknowledge backhandedly that there are a few “admirers” who won’t treat her that way (did you catch that?), the majority is what she’s focusing on. This is what I’m talking about.  Before she said this, she asked:

So are you asking for a trans-woman to go to your show and speak of rainbows and butterflies in how men date trans women?

If you’re wanting to meet a member of the minority who will treat you with dignity, then yes, I am asking not just our podcast hosts, but every transwoman who sincerely wants to have a real, lasting relationship with a great guy, focusing on “rainbows and butterflies.” Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the path to your joy and happiness, romance and a new life. You don’t have to do so if you’re a guest on our podcast, but you certainly must if you’re wanting a real-life connection.

If you’re thinking “all men” treat you a certain way, or there are “no men” out there who want you, or, that there are “no transwomen” in your area, then you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water. You don’t need “all men”. You just want one, or some number if you’re poly-oriented, or “non-hetero-mono-normative”.  You don’t need every transwoman, you just need one. Focusing on the majority is focusing on the bath water. While you throw all those men out, you’re throwing out the baby too.

So I ask: where’s your baby?

Posted on

Admirer? Really?

img_3755.jpg

 

This one’s really short.

If you’re out there hanging with guys known as “admirers”, and those guys treat you as…

“…secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…”

Then you really should question your definition of “admirer.” Here I’ll help:

ad·mir·er (ədˈmī(ə)rər/) noun: someone who has a particular regard for someone or something

 

re·gard (rəˈɡärd/) noun: 1. attention to or concern for something. “the court must have regard to the principle of welfare” consideration, care, concern. 2. best wishes.

If a a person treats you like shit, they’re not an “admirer”.  They’re something else.  If you want to find someone who will have a particular regard for you, who will admire you, you might want to change a few stories, stories creating situations where you’re willing to put up with being treated like shit.

As though you have no other alternative (news flash: You do have other alternatives!)

Posted on

How to disappear bigots, ignorance

What people say doesnt mean shitI do mean disappear. As in never having to deal with them ever. Ever.

A lot of transamorous men – those married to transwomen, those dating transwomen and those looking for them – are afraid of “what people will say or do” if they were to publicly acknowledge their love, desire and romantic and sexual attraction to transgender women. What these guys don’t realize is it is exactly that fear that creates situations where they experience instances of stupidity, ignorance and insecurity (incidentally, the same is true for transwomen who fear what others will say or do). Your fears are creating experiences in your life that match them.

A short primer on life, aka “reality”. Ever notice, guys, when you’re thinking about buying a new car and you have the model in mind, seemingly suddenly you start seeing this model car all over? Ever notice how sometimes, maybe not always, you’ll be thinking of someone and sometime later you’ll run into that person or that person will contact you in some way? Well, this is how life is.

People call these things “coincidence.” But they don’t mean what I’m about to describe. Coincidence is the co-located incidence of you and the thing you are most focusing on. Coincidence as most people think about it, is a random, uncontrollable and sometimes uninvited act. But that is not what is happening because nothing about your life is random or uncontrollable.

Your life is a product of what you think and how you feel. That’s it basically. Hard to accept, I know because I refused to accept it for a very long time.

So guess what? If you’re fearing what other people are going to say about you wanting to have sexual experiences with transwomen, if you’re worried about what your parents are going to say if you bring your transgender girlfriend home, guess what? They will! But if you don’t give a fuck, I mean, really don’t care – not in a defensive way with your lower lip all out – guess what? They won’t either.

My family, my coworkers even my wife are all testaments to this. No one in my life batted an eye when I told them. That includes the testosterone-ladened martial arts community I participated in (long enough to earn a 3rd degree black belt by the way). My wife, not being threatened or against my interest is all for my desires. And no, my life isn’t some kind of exception. Well, it is but only because I know my thoughts and focus are creating my experiences.

Let’s take it back to the days when I was insecure about my desires, when I was still in the Marines and worried about what people would think about my romantic interest in transwomen. Back then some of my fellow Marines harassed me for being gay and I didn’t even tell them anything (nor was I gay)! How did they know something was up? I was broadcasting that information from all my pores, or more accurately, through my thoughts, which are physical emanations we all exude.

You’re transmitting your thoughts too. All of them. The minute you start owning your natural normal desire for transwomen, your transmissions will change. When that happens, so will your life. I guarantee it.

And when that happens, all those people you feared would ridicule you for your desire will either change….or disappear from your life.

I can help you.