Category: Self-love Acceptance

My love for transgender women has me sharing this video. Hat tip to “Queer Kari” on medium for posting it on her Facebook page. Kari is worth a follow. She’s brilliant AF.

A major reason transgender women revile trans-attracted men comes from what the gender psychologist in the video is saying. Mind you, she specializes in working with the transgender community. So if you need bona-fides, she has them. And based on the video’s comment section, she’s onto something.

Of course, we know all this at The Transamorous Network. Beliefs create reality. And if a person’s life feels full of negative experiences, a state of unworthiness, depression, self-directed anger or lack of self-acceptance exists underneath creating all that. No exceptions.

This psychologist puts her finger on self-loathing’s origins. She doesn’t go far enough though. That’s because her profession doesn’t know anything about nonphysical reality. It won’t acknowledge how life in nonphysical shapes life in physical reality. Still, her explanation clearly resonates. Again, just look at who comments on the video. And what they say.

Why am I sharing this?

I’m sharing this for a couple reasons. The most important being the following. If a transgender woman isn’t aware of her own self-loathing, she will, unbeknownst to her, attract men who reflect that self-distaste right back to her. The same goes for trans-attracted men. So knowing and accepting one’s self-loathing is a critical part of getting over it.

The other reason I’m sharing this is because I care deeply about both trans-attracted men and transgender women. That’s why I share what I know. I want both parties to find love and personal happiness. Clearly, I’m doing something right:

Now, the doctor here recommends a solution. She says do things that show we love ourselves. Buy ourselves flowers, for example, she says. The problem with that approach is action will not soothe belief. Only giving attention to new beliefs will soothe existing ones. I show my clients how to do this.

Here’s what happens when a person tries eliminating strong belief with countervailing action. The action AMPLIFIES the current strong belief. That’s because action doesn’t go “deep” enough to affect desired changes. Instead, it just causes the belief to push back.

Try convincing anyone to disbelieve something they strongly believe. You’ll see what I’m saying in action. They’ll defend the belief. They’ll give all kinds of reasons why it’s true. They will push back. It’s very difficult to change belief through action. The best, easiest way involves creating new beliefs. Not acting.

Self-loathing’s vicious cycle

I’ve spoken to many transgender women. Many trans-attracted men too. Nearly all of them struggle with accepting who they are. Their reasons are understandable of course. Society tells them there’s something wrong with them. As the psychologist says below, this indoctrination starts at an early age. Often within families of origin. More often than not the indoctrination is subliminal.

The discomfort people feel while getting indoctrinated tells them something important. But most don’t understand the language of emotions. So they miss the message entirely.

Instead, the discomfort strengthens. It gets so strong, it’s very easy to develop a revulsion around what we are. This revulsion is too much to bear psychologically for many women and trans-attracted men. So then, in the case of a transgender woman, it’s no surprise that when a man shows her natural, normal attraction/interest, as an expression of the man’s NATURAL NORMAL sexual orientation, the transgender woman almost invariably will project her inner self-loathing onto the man.

There’s no way a man can possibly be interested in me, because there’s something wrong with me. So there must be something wrong with him.

Then she will revile the man. Call him chaser or worse. Reject his attention. Such acts further strengthen the vicious cycle proving her unworthiness. It also perpetuates meeting more men who treat her the way she feels about herself. In other words, she matches with men sharing similar inner dialogue (stories).

Self-loathing trans-attracted men loath themselves because they, like the woman, had similar childhood experiences around their sexual curiosities. They feel shame about their trans-attraction and therefore live in the shadows. It’s a wonderful dynamic that CAN transform the experience of both parties for the better.

Awareness is everything

But that rarely happens without outside assistance. That’s because neither side recognizes nor accepts what’s going on inside themselves. Instead, the cycle continues. The women blame the men and vice-versa. The aftermath? Both the men and the women go loveless.

So here’s the gender psychologist telling it like it is. She uses clinical language, but the message is the same:

Awareness is everything. Unless we acknowledge what’s happening inside us, we rarely develop lives we really want. Indoctrination isn’t always negative. It can lead to certain success. Career success, for example, or financial success. That success usually is lopsided though. Donald Trump, Ted Turner and others have shown how familial indoctrination can result in even mega success. But such success often accompanies great dissatisfaction. Which is why many successful people kill themselves.

Relationships are another story, however. With relationships, inner awareness is crucial. Because human relationships depend heavily on one’s internal reality. That inner reality draws to us people who are our matches. These people match our inner reality. They share similar stories. They also behave the same way we do.

If you think what I offer is New Age BS, then listen to the psychologist in the video above. Her words are different. But she’s saying the exact same thing.

If you’re still struggling in love, it’s likely you are beset by some level of self-loathing. If you’re ready, I can help with that.