Proof It Works - The Transamorous Network

January 12, 2021January 6, 2021

Why Some Trans And Transamorous People Have Terrible Relationships

Transamorous relationships often aren't good

The reason why many transgender, trans-attracted and transamorous people have such a hard time meeting their matches is because they resist what they want.

A Transamorous Network client recently had an experience worth sharing. It not only shows how stories create reality, it also shows how, usually, trans and trans-attracted people don’t see connections between their stories and realities their stories create.

Not seeing those connections is why many transgender and trans-attracted people’s lives are so dismal, unsatisfying, lonely, depressing and more. Many such people feel powerless around doing something about such lives.

If you don’t believe stories create reality, the story “I don’t believe reality gets created by my stories” creates a reality where it looks like your reality isn’t being created by your stories. 😳

That’s why it’s important to know stories create reality. It’s also important knowing how to read the signs telling you what stories are creating what reality.

So let’s now turn to Selene’s story.

A transgender woman creates while not knowing she’s creating

Selene, who happens to be trans, came to her session in good spirits. She had a good New Year’s and Christmas, spent mostly at home with her family. The farm where she lives sits on cold, frozen farmland, but inside her home, good cheer, good food and family filled the space and warmed Selene’s heart.

That good cheer extended to her father, mother and sister, all of whom laughed and ate and opened presents together. Selene enjoyed a good family holiday. That mood continued days following Christmas.

A couple days before her session, a customer entered the Starbucks where Selene works, ordered a drink, then took off his mask. He started drinking his beverage in the store. That behavior violated Starbucks’ COVID-19 policy.

Selene saw the customer and politely explained to him that, one, he couldn’t remove his mask while in the store and, two, he could not drink his beverage inside.

The man looked Selene up and down, then said “Are you trying to control what I’m doing sir?”

It was an intentional misgender. Selene has enough positive story momentum though so being misgendered didn’t phase her.

Then she heard her assistant manager behind her say “Sir, Selene is a woman, not a man. You must leave now.”

As the unruly customer turned to go, Selene added “It’s also illegal to retaliate against workers when they enforce statewide COVID policy.”

Not seeing the connections…until they’re seen

In her session a couple days after this experience, Selene wondered aloud why she experienced this. She thought such an experience wouldn’t happen since she’s been telling positive stories, evidenced by such a good holiday with her family.

Why did this unruly man enter her life experience? Why did she have such a confrontation? I remained silent.

A moment later, Selene started talking about something else. She thought she changed the subject. Little did she know, she was about to answer her questions herself.

Selene said she read an article on the internet. It described a new law now in effect in her area. It protects workers from retaliation when they enforce COVID-19 policies in their workplace.

After reading the article, Selene said, she liked the new law. She told me she thought about how cool it would be to have an experience where she could use it.

I looked at Selene silently. She got my look and smiled. It didn’t need saying, but I said it anyway:

“There is no mystery about this experience,” I said. “You were in your positive momentum of the holidays, feeling good, revelling in joy with your family. Then you read this article and felt confidence in the new information. Feeling confident, you declared wanting to use that law. So you created an experience consistent with your declaration: an opportunity to use it.”

transamorous realities come from beliefs — Who comes into your experience depends on the stories you tell.

It’s obvious once seen

Life always shows how stories create reality. Most miss the connections, because they don’t believe that’s what’s happening. So when something happens now, they forget past nows wherein a story was told that creates the now happening.

Once you know how to see the clues, they’re obvious.

Here’s the formula using Selene’s example:

Selene felt wonderful from previous nows with her family. Those previous nows were born of work she’s been doing with The Transamorous Network for the last two years about her family.
In her wonderful feeling, she attracted a news story specifically about her work as a customer-facing employee. It’s likely Selene had an unexpressed desire to feel more protected at work around COVID and her gender. Thus her life experience revealed this news to her.
In the revealing, Selene felt better about her work as a customer-facing Starbucks employee. That confidence took it a step further: it had her express a desire for an experience matching that confidence, which would bolster said confidence.
Then she dropped the whole idea. She thought about it no further. She didn’t share the article. She forgot it until she brought it up in our session.
In forgetting it and not sharing it, she allowed momentum of her story to grow without any competing stories.
So, in only a few days, she got exactly the experience she wanted.

It always works this way…or it can

This is how stories always create reality. The reason why transgender and trans-attracted people have such a hard time meeting their matches, or getting anything they want, is because they resist what they want by focusing almost totally on what they don’t want.

They focus on sucky relationships they have or had. They focus on sucky relationships other trans or trans-attracted people share on social media. They think about tranny chasers, gold diggers and “hoes”. They are impatient with not having the relationship they want. They wallow in loneliness, yearning and sadness.

If instead transgender and trans-attracted people talked about positive things happening in their lives, about the positive aspects of relationships they DO have, about things they enjoy about their lives now, their lives would gradually include more of those things. And less negative people, experiences and circumstances.

Loving relationships aren’t hard to find. But if you think they are, then they are hard to find. The way out isn’t looking for loving relationships when you think they’re hard to find. The way out is changing your story about relationships.

January 5, 2021December 15, 2020

What Happens When You Tell Positive Stories

Editors note: This true story comes from a The Transamorous Network client who is six months into their 1:1 membership. It shows how our services not only connect one with their ideal match in time, but they also transform every other part of life, making it an ideal romp of ease, fun and joy.

My mom and I are moving. She can’t get her beloved grand piano into the new house we’re moving into, she’s going to have to sell it, and buy an upright piano. She contacted a specialist who came and valued it at £5000, but from that, he would take commission and the cost of restoration.

This didn’t seem right to me and I had the thought “I’m sure this piano is worth more.”

So a few days later I was shopping in my favourite wholefood and organic cleaning and beauty products shop. It is run by Jess – a friendly and enterprising South African man who I’ve always felt an attraction to.

I went in there to buy some cheap little Christmas gifts and got chatting as I normally do. Somehow the topic of music came up and he revealed that in a former life he had been a master Piano restorer and technician and salesman for the prestigious Kensington piano company in London.

He also revealed that he had left because of the underhand way piano businesses operate, and he had gone solo, building up an extensive and prestigious client base, including royalty, Yoko Ono and the Royal Academy of music in London.

I told him about my mum’s piano and after a few questions he said to me “I’m sure it’s worth a lot more.” I asked him if he would come and value it for a fee.

Knowing that I was also in the music business, he said to me “well I know everything there is to know about acoustic pianos. But I’m in the market for a vintage Fender Rhodes or Wurlitzer piano, and I know nothing about electric pianos. If you could get me a good electric piano from the 70s era, I’ll come and do the valuation for free.”

I put a post on Facebook, and within an hour or two my uncle, who happens to run a piano tuning and keyboard hire business, contacted me to let me know he had one available. I’ve put Jess and my uncle in contact and it turns out they both worked with the same piano restorer colleague many years ago.

It gets better…

Two days ago Jess came and valued my mum’s piano and has already found a buyer for it for £10,000, double the original valuation. No need for restoration, and no commission.

This morning I picked up the Wurlitzer from my uncle who happened to be in London on a piano tuning job … Jess and my uncle have not yet spoken about money, however Jess told me that he has some very lucrative business opportunities and propositions for my uncle.

When I picked up the keyboard this morning, my uncle asked me what price he should sell it for. I gave him my opinion but added he might want to consider Jess’s business proposition before charging him anything at all. If he gives you some really lucrative work, I said, maybe you’d like to give him the keyboard for free. He agreed.

The keyboard comes without legs. One or two Facebook posts later, I had sourced same exact model legs and could be in receipt of them within days. My plan is to give them to Jess for free. They only cost about £200, but we are making an extra £5000 on the basis of his goodwill.

So Jess gets to pass on his business and he gets a free keyboard. We get a free valuation and double our money! And I get to broker satisfaction for everyone! Yippeee!

December 15, 2020November 25, 2020

Happiness Is Getting What I Want

I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.

But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want. I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.

This is the basis of our work at The Transamorous Network. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to having a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.

What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.

I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it’s always worked out that way. I also know this because my Transamorous Network clients get exactly the same results. It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients. I share these experiences in my other blog, Positively Focused.

So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.

It’s a paradox but it’s true.

I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing transgender people and trans-attracted people who have come to me seeking relief from their self-loathing, insecurities and shame, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.

I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desire. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.

It’s the epitome of living.

December 8, 2020November 26, 2020

How To Stop Ruining The Holidays

Photo by David Everett Strickler on Unsplash

Editor’s note: The holidays suck for many trans people, especially those estranged from families. We’re sharing this Positively Focused holiday post because it can inspire those struggling during the holidays to transform old stories into new ones and create whole new relationships with the holidays.

The holidays used to suck. My emotional pain so grated on me that I forswore holiday celebrations of all kinds once on my own.

That was before attaining enlightenment.

Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.

I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.

I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.

How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.

My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.

Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.

Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.

Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.

That’s not what happened, at first

I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.

Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.

For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?

*My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂*

It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.

That’s not her purpose though

Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.

Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.

Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.

Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.

Here’s what that looks like

I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.

Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!

My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!

Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:

Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!

Such a wonderful gift.

Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.

For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.

Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.

Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.

Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.

Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.

Creating awesome from ordinary

The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.

What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:

Wow, I feel much better.
This is so much better than how I felt before.
Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.

Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:

This meal is going to be really good!
The au gratin smells delicious!
So do the roasted veggies!
The stuffing is going to be good too!

Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:

Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!

Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…

That’s so cool what just happened.
I shifted my reality!
And my apparitions shifted too.
What I’m discovering is so accurate.
I love my Inner Being relationship!

I felt waaaay better by now.

In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.

I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.

I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.

What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.

October 27, 2020October 10, 2020

Here’s How Stories Create Reality

At The Transamorous Network we talk about stories – beliefs a person holds – creating reality. Today I’ll share what happened recently that shows how stories work. Once a person learns how to tell positive stories, that person discovers they are blessed by Universe, because Universe fulfills all stories, whether wanted or not.

I wrote an essay for a LGBTQ anthology coming out later this year. My editor asked for a better headline. The original didn’t pop, she said.

Knowing what I know, I first created a story where the perfect headline would come to me. Old habits are just that though, so moments later, I was scribbling several ideas on my note app, trying to coax a good idea for a headline. I was doing life the old way instead of using the power of stories.

*Essay Titles I created while putting effort into it, instead of using the power of stories.*

Trying to make something happen is the hard way. And it felt hard. So I wrote back to my editor. I told her I’d get back to her. Take some time, She wrote back.

Days later, I created a new story wherein I received what I asked for: a wonderful headline, one my editor would love. One that would pop.

A couple days after that, I re-read my essay. It’s so good. It’s a true story about an adventure a Transamorous Network client and I experienced. My client is a transgender woman. The essay describes how she created stories that allowed her to get several amazing things she wanted in her life.

While reading my essay “Life IS Joy” popped out. I sent that to my editor, even though I didn’t like it all that much.

That “not liking it all that much” was a clue…a clue I missed.

My editor didn’t like it either, which figured. Her dislike reflected my own. Reality will show you what your stories are, often through other people’s behavior.

My editor suggested something catchier, something with a play on words:

Nothing came up when I focused, so I just let go. I figured Universe would bring me a perfect headline.

That’s what happened…

Last night I watched a favorite James Bond movie for the umpteenth time. A Quantum of Solace it’s called. I enjoyed watching it. I enjoy luxuries Bond enjoys surrounding himself in. People in the movie are pleasant to watch too.

Then I went to bed, blissful in positive focus.

The next morning (the day I’m writing this), the phrase “A Universal Solace” came to mind. My immediate reaction was: hey that’s kinda good. Then I poo-pooed it as too obvious a play on “Quantum of Solace”.

But then I thought “wait a minute! This is what I asked for!”

Tentatively, I looked up the word “Solace”. It perfectly fit what happens in the essay. The main character discovers comfort and love through telling stories which create several realities she wants.

So “A Universal Solace” came into my reality exactly as my stories foretold: easily, with no effort!

I sent the new headline to my editor. Here’s what she said.

To recap: I wanted a great headline and knew I’d get one relying on stories I created. But then old habits asserted themselves. I tried doing it on my own. I noticed how hard it was trying to do that, then trusted my feelings instead. I trusted my stories would create the reality I wanted, and that’s exactly what happened.

What happened next: even better

Weeks ago I got an impulse that my essay could become a full-length book and/or a movie. I wanted to send my editor a note about that, but held off.

After getting her email above, I sent her two more emails, one replying to her acknowledging the new headline:

and another offering to work together on more projects:

Here’s what she wrote back:

Universe stands ready to do the work for you.

I marvel at this because I love writing. I always have. I love telling stories through various ways; through illustrations, film/video, through speeches and presentations and of course through words.

My life as a story is worthy of being told. And here is my editor urging me in this direction, just as an angel of the Universe would.

This path unfolding before me, filled with so much of what I’m wanting, feels ecstatic. All of it is unfolding aligned with talents and passions I already have, not something I learned in school, but something inherently me.

It’s all coming from my inner knowing, tied to my authentic self. I tell my clients their authenticity is from where their prosperity and joy emerges. My life offers living proof, not only for me, but for my clients too. Universe loves me.

It loves you too. Just as you are.