Inspiration - The Transamorous Network

April 16, 2024April 18, 2024

Do Americans Really Hate Trans People Now?

TLDR: The author argues that perceptions among transgender people that Americans hate trans people are skewed by radicalized views and such conclusions lack nuance. Research suggests support for trans people is increasing in the United States, especially among young, progressive Americans, with the majority of Americans favoring protection for transgender individuals.

I read a story on Medium recently that took the United States to task for hating transgender people. It’s author recently listened to a podcast series about parents navigating difficulties they face as parents of trans kids.

What happened here is instructive. The author took a country of over 300 million people and reduced every person into transphobic bigots. How she got to that conclusion shows how powerful stories create reality. Her example also shows why it’s a terrible idea to look at things that make us feel shitty.

Let’s take a look at what happened here so we can learn from the wonderful gift this author gave us. Then, let’s look at what really is happening with American’s views about transgender people.

Radicalization: it’s not a good look

So the author, who is trans, listened to what supposedly is a supportive podcast for those with trans kids. I’m not including a link to it, or to the author’s post, because I prefer offering empowering and supportive content. Not content that radicalizes people. Especially content that doesn’t appreciate the bigger picture. A bigger picture that screams: Hey! The world is getting better and better for transgender people!

Apparently, according to the Medium author, the United States is an “ocean of hate” and this podcast represents an island of queer positivity. And yet, according to the author, the podcast focuses on how these parents are “terrified”, “worried” and “concerned” about the lives of their trans kids.

How is terror, worry and concern positive?

The deeper into her article we get, the more it becomes clear that the Medium author lost perspective. Binging the podcast got her all riled up. What’s really interesting is, in her article she critiques the United States as a hatred-filled radicalized “banana republic” while at the same time expressing views herself which border on hate. Views which are way off the mark about what is really happening in the United States.

In other words, she allowed the podcast to radicalize her beliefs. And in her radicalization she has become the very thing she’s attacking: someone who allowed herself to adopt a drastically skew perspective of what’s really going on. Then she lashed out with judgements about people she doesn’t know.

Transphobic people are doing the exact same thing.

Radicalization is not a good look. It doesn’t matter if liberals or conservatives do it. It doesn’t matter if transphobes or transgender people do it. It’s the same. It’s disempowering, and it’s ugly.

Is America An Ocean of Hate?

But more importantly, radicalization backfires. It turns the radical into a parody of him or herself. And, taken to the extreme, it tends to get a lot of people hurt. Often that includes the radical. Every mass shooter is a radical. So is every suicide bomber.

That’s enough about the article and the podcast. Let’s instead now look at what “America” really thinks about transgender people. This is going to be interesting…

For a more balanced look, let’s turn to Pew. Pew is a leading research firm. It gathers public opinion on almost everything. Including opinions Americans have about the transgender phenomena. What did Pew find in their research? Well, like I wrote above, it’s interesting:

Most [Americans] favor protecting trans people from discrimination, even as growing share say gender is determined by sex at birth.
Pew Research

Here’s what that looks like in a graphical breakdown:

Yes, people are still stuck thinking a person is a man or woman as determined by sex assigned at birth. But you know what almost totally is to blame for that? SCIENCE. That’s right! Science has convinced people there is nothing beyond physical reality. And most people swallow that crap hook, line, and sinker. So they believe sex and gender is a physical construct. It’s not.

Sex and gender are determined well before birth. And that determination is A CHOICE.

Cultures that pre-date science knew better, as many trans people know. That’s why Hijras and two-spirit people have been things far longer than modern civilization, to mention two examples.

Youth change reality

Meanwhile, as old, crusty farts holding to conservative views die off, young people’s attitudes are more closely matching a more nuanced view of transgender people. Their views also promise better futures for such people. Look at this, for example, which also is from Pew:

In other words, in America, the younger the American you ask, the more supportive that person will likely be. Moreover, politically progressive people lean more supportive as well.

So where are these radical, hating, transphobic Americans? Is America really an “ocean of hate”?

These data seem to debunk the assertion. Just ten percent of Americans express strong opposition or just opposition to the transgender phenomenon. That means LESS THAN TEN PERCENT “strongly” oppose. Meanwhile, an overwhelming 64 percent of Americans STRONGLY FAVOR or FAVOR protecting transgender people. It seems, then, that America is an ocean comprising a majority of tolerance, acceptance and support. “Hate” is an exception to the American norm.

Let’s look at another source

Ipsos is another polling agency. Last year, they conducted a poll of Americans on the transgender issue. That poll showed strong disinterest among Americans for having trans women, for example, compete in women’s sports competitions. But other results they found are consistent with Pew’s.

On providing gender-affirming medical care, for example, Ipsos found an overwhelming majority of Americans support such policies. Read that headline below carefully. It’s not written very well in my opinion:

A better headline would have been “The majority of Americans SUPPORT GIVING trans youth gender-affirming care”. Here’s another Ipsos graph presenting the same information. It may be easier to understand. An interactive one can be found on the NPR website. You’re wanting to look at totals representing the “opposed” categories.

It’s getting better!

What shall we take away from all this? Well, first, your stories (beliefs) matter. They shape your reality. They also determine your behavior. The Medium author’s radicalized beliefs caused her to write a way inaccurate story about the United States. And that happened because she listened to a “supportive”, “positive” podcast for parents of trans youths.

Stories/beliefs also attract to us evidence that will tell us our stories/beliefs are “true” . So if we think the world is terrible for trans people, that’s what we’re going to see. But that doesn’t mean that’s the whole story.

Sure, there are those who hate what trans people represent. Those people are frightened by what they see. Trans people confront their long-held beliefs. But that’s not your problem! Indeed, no trans person need encounter such people. Not if they don’t want to.

One of my mentors putting it plain. Those who hate you hate out of their own suffering.

The problem is, a lot of trans people want to encounter them. They don’t intentionally want to. But their beliefs, choices and actions cause them to encounter such people. Some do it because they believe they’re changing the world. That’s great. But others do it while not knowing they’re doing it.

What we resist persists! What we complain about we get more of! If we stop putting attention on the tiny minority of people out there living their lives in deep pain, those people will gradually self-select themselves out of our experience.

And, if we put our attention on all that’s going great for trans people, we’ll see more of that. Then we’ll feel better about life. We’ll feel better about OUR lives. And when that happens, our lives WILL GET BETTER.

That’s how the Universe works.

Don’t believe me, try it

Now, you may think you have enough evidence to prove what you just read wrong. That just proves my points! Don’t take my word(s) for evidence! Test it out! The Universe will prove it to you! That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

It continuously wants us to know life can be as great as we want it. That’s why, when we focus on things we think are “going wrong” we feel bad. We feel bad because that feeling tells us we’re not looking at the world the way we couldlook at it. And, as a result of looking at it the way we could, we could feel better. And then have a better life.

If you try it, if you try looking for evidence of everything going right, evidence will show itself to you. But you must know where to look to see it. Otherwise, you miss it. I can help you not miss it. Let’s chat.

April 2, 2024February 21, 2024

Relationship Anarchy: A Perfect Way To Cis-Trans Love?

TLDR: Relationship Anarchy (RA) challenges traditional relationship norms by advocating for love defined by personal values. However, the term’s negative connotations and anarchist affiliations have created misunderstandings. Despite RA’s merits, it cannot eclipse the ultimate relationship with one’s Broader Perspective, which provides unconditional love and fulfillment beyond what any human partnership can offer whether you’re trans or trans-attracted.

A relatively new relationship dynamic is emerging. More people find it a satisfying way to express themselves romantically and intimately while finding companionship. Trans people especially are finding it supportive. It’s called Relationship Anarchy (RA).

In this post we’re going to look at this new relationship model. Especially what it offers for trans and trans-attracted people. Instead of getting into it deeply, we will compare it to what we recommend regarding relationships. That’s because, it’s a definite improvement on humanity’s past “success” with relationships. And it offers greater flexibility for those uninterested in cis-het traditions. But it still falls short of the ultimate relationship: that one relationship that gives us everything we want. Including satisfying relationships.

So let’s take a look at RA. Then let’s contrast that against the ultimate relationship. The only one through which we get everything we want.

What is RA?

Andie Nordgren coined the phrase Relationship Anarchy in 2006. Her English manifesto on the matter, written in 2012, gives broad strokes on what it looks like. The way Andie describes it, RA sounds great!

Among the broad strokes is the assertion that love is abundant. RA says entitlement runs rampant in traditional relationships and that entitlement should be replaced with love and respect. Andie recommends that people define their values, then use frequent communication to infuse their relationship with those values, alongside a partner who shares them.

The biggest shift from traditional relationships is Andie’s suggestion to “customize” one’s relationship and commitment. Rather than relying on social norms, Andie says, we should define our relationship on our own terms while ignoring society’s expectations.

It’s no wonder then that Wikipedia includes RA in its non-monogamy
and polyamory series.

Because of this flexibility RA fits nicely with trans/trans-attracted relationships. With RA, it’s possible to create a relationship that works no matter what values one has. Especially if one’s values run contrary to societal norms. And every cis-trans relationship does that.

The rise of domestic partnership laws across the country play a role here too. They make benefits once reserved to married people, accessible to LGBTQ people.

Anarchist affiliations…not good

And while Andie describes it optimistically without comparing it to something else, Wikipedia takes a different tack on RA. This is where problems start show up.

That’s because the word “anarchy” itself is problematic. It brings a lot of bad vibes to the table. Further, most people familiar with the term see anarchy as destructive. Even though anarchists claim the concept to be constructive. Historically, the movement has not been constructive, however.

The result is anarchy is seen mostly as “anti-“. It’s also often associated with violence.

We can’t be “anti” something without enflaming that thing we’re against. Which explains why anarchists have made virtually no progress in creating society based on its ideas. And that brings us back to RA. RA and Wikipedia.

The anti relationship

The Wikipedia entry on RA describes its principles as pretty much anti-everything. At least when it comes to relationships. I would argue Andie doesn’t see RA that way. Andie’s characterization is fresh, positive and encouraging. But the Wikipedia entry. Well, see for yourself:

Indeed, this article, featuring two people in an RA relationship, speak in similar language. It’s interesting that one person in that relationship is transgender. The other; lesbian. Their sexual practices are decidedly outside the norm. It makes sense then that RA is a good fit for them.

And yet, both contrast and define their relationship by what it’s not, comparing it to existing, undesirable relationships. Both also inject politics into the mix. I get politics is important to many. But it needn’t be an influence. Especially in one’s love life.

Now it could be the Wikipedia contributor who wrote the article is biased. He could interpret “anarchy” as “anti”. But the article linked in the above paragraph also characterizes RA as a “political” take on relationships. One trying to redefine what relationships look like. One also striving to “fix” power dynamics some RA folks think are bad.

But can we really define something based on what it is not? I think Andie does a better job describing the concept. It seems, however, others turned the concept into a political idea. I’m not sure Andie meant it that way.

The best relationship

Which brings me to the point of this piece. RA is great. It’s offers a fresh view of relationships. It certainly offers better options. Better options for those who feel uncomfortable with amatonormative edicts. It’s again not surprising the couple in this article includes both a trans person and a queer woman.

And yet, all relationships with other people fall short when compared to the one relationship that gives us everything we want. That is, our relationship with our Broader Perspective. While it’s nice finding love in another’s eyes, that love will nearly always be conditional.

Even in an RA relationship.

For even there, a person must find connections with people who have similar values. That makes sense. But even then, people will sometimes end up in conflict. What the couple does in that case depends a lot on how stable each person is within themselves. And there’s no better stability than that found in our Broader Perspective.

Besides, our relationship with our Broader Perspective opens us to a love causing other loves to pale in comparison. It’s strong. It’s lasting. Our Broader Perspective’s love literally overwhelms us in its depths. And it feels freaking great!

Furthermore, through our Broader Perspective, everything is possible. Including finding the perfect partner. That is, if one wants that. In so many ways relationship with our Broader Perspective offers what human ones cannot: a foundation from which to live one’s life authentically.

When we put our Broader Perspective relationship first, other relationships happen easily. (Photo by Oziel Gomez on Unsplash)

Literally all we want..including freedom from death

Our Broader Perspective relationship is here to lead us to everything we want. All our desires get fulfilled through it. Our Broader Perspective showers us with that which we’re wanting. When we put that relationship up front, those things flow easily into our reality.

Human partners can help us get things. They can connect us with jobs. They may even connect us with financial opportunity. But those too often come through filters, filters that often aren’t in synch with what we really want.

In other words, our Broader Perspective knows us best. It knows what will thrill us. It knows the best path to everything we want. Whether that be a material thing, or something else.

But the biggest thing that relationship offers is something no human can touch. It offers freedom from the fear of death. I know, that sounds crazy. After all, so many of us are too busy living. Too busy living to think about death.

Well, it seems that way.

But most people’s fear of death is front and center in their lives. It’s one reason people worry about time running out. Their fear of getting old has its basis in death. So does their fear of being single.

Fear of death takes many forms

The fear of death is pervasive in the world. It doesn’t feel like it’s about death though. That’s because the fear hides behind other fears.

What kind of fears? Fears of being cast out of a group, for example. The fear of losing one’s job is another. The fear of being unable to support one’s family is yet another. As is the fear of one’s human partner betraying us. There are plenty more.

These fears mimic the ultimate fear, which is the fear of dying.

And so people respond to all these fears in predictable ways. They’re impatient. They’re demanding. Some take unsatisfying jobs. They are desperate and insecure. And in that, they cut themselves off from the one thing that can relieve them of all these fears and more: their Broader Perspective.

The fear of ending up here can take many forms. (Photo by davide ragusa on Unsplash)

Now I’m not saying don’t have human partners. What I am saying is, first, ground ourselves in the one partnership giving us everything we want.

When one does that, there’s little “need” for anything else. Because everything else flows from there. Including human love.

I’m in favor of RA. I wish it had a different name. RA is closer to the Broader Perspective love I’ve described in this post than any of the other coupling humans form. Including parent-child bonds. Even with RA, however, there’s still a ways to go though.

The better it gets the better it gets

And isn’t that the great thing about life experience? There is always a ways more to go. Because life is eternal. We never get to the end. We’re never perfect. But in the perfection of the now, we are perfect. Not perfect as in “complete”. Not perfect as in “done”. But perfect in our becoming more.

Standing there, I see this RA concept fitting what I want in partnership. With my stability rooted in my Broader Perspective, I know what I’m wanting is on the way. I’m eager to see it unfold. I’ve had tastes of it. And I’m patient for further unfolding.

Andie’s onto something with their RA concept. I’m clear something better exists though. I enjoy that now. Which allows me to feel excitement. Excitement and joy about those finding satisfaction in RA.

Good partnerships elude many. That’s because many look there for something that’s not in a human partnership. That something only comes from a relationship with themselves. I write this blog to show people how to “know thyself”. And in doing that, find happiness from within, instead of looking for it outside themselves.

My clients are finding that happiness. Along the way, they get more of what they want too. Their examples fill me with eagerness. They also amplify my own happiness.

Maybe you’re ready for your version of that? If you are, contact me. Let’s get you started. Let’s find out how “better” life can get.

March 26, 2024February 14, 2024

What Happens When My Advice Inspires A Man To Write A Book!

TL/DR The writer shares an inspiring encounter with a man who left his marriage to live authentically and appreciate trans women. Encouraged by the writer’s message, the man is now writing a book about his experience. The writer believes such men are making a difference and urges trans women to focus on the positive, giving up negativity and anger.

I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with a guy this morning. He’s writing a book about his trans-attraction-to-transamory journey. His is a wonderful story of leaving his marriage in favor of living authentically. Living authentically meant enjoying a nice relationship with a trans woman. A relationship he’s currently in.

He said the main reason he began his journey was because of my post “How to embrace your trans-attraction and be married”. I feel appreciation that one of my passions is changing the lives of trans-attracted men (and, by extension, trans women) for the better.

As a result of sharing my passion, this guy now feels his passion too. His passion and appreciation for trans women he feels no shame about. Because of that, this guy, Brian, is now writing a book about his experience. A book I’m sure will help make the world a better place for trans women. I feel honored I played a part in that.

Men are doing their part

I always knew living my passion would change the world. I’m excited about Brian’s choice. He’s going to change the world too.

Many trans women complain that if men would step up, the world for trans women would improve. They talk about all the men on the DL. Men living in the shadows, shamefully hiding their trans-attraction. Meanwhile, I’ve been out for at least five years proudly, publicly sharing my transamory experience. Another man wrote a book about this trans attraction some time ago. Many men are out on social media proclaiming aloud their attraction. And now, here’s another man doing his part by writing yet another book.

In other words, the men are doing their part.

The initial exchange between Brian and I.

Not enough men, you say? There are enough though. Not all of them are writing books. Not all of them are writing blogs or sharing on social media. Some are just dating trans women. Many are doing their parts by becoming comfortable in their own skin. That’s the process. In everyone contributes in their own way.

However, if trans women keep complaining about their complaints, they can’t see the world getting better. They can’t see the men doing their part either. And yet the men are.

Get over the anger and pessimism

And that’s the rub. Life is nothing but a series of moments. And each moment adds to the next. Which is why, if you’re complaining about something, your in-the-now complaint adds to the next moment, creating an experience of more to complain about. Especially in love.

I suggest trans women focus on all the things going right in the world. I talk about them all day long in this blog. Trans-attracted men should do the same. Do that and both parties will find themselves meeting positive, high-quality potential mates. People who see the world getting better. People eager to enjoy life with someone who is positive.

Which is why I work with people. People experience a lot of things in life encouraging pessimism. That’s because pessimism sells. A lot of people make a lot of money keeping you angry, in other words. Meanwhile, a lot of other angry people are looking for people like you. And so you meet such people in your life.

Give up negative judgement. Give up being angry too. When you do, you’ll find yourself getting more of what you want. And less of what you don’t. While you’re learning to do that, I can help.

February 13, 2024December 31, 2023

More Evidence Of The World Getting Better For Trans People

We assert here at The Transamorous Network that the world always improves for trans people. And, the more a person focuses on improvement, the more improvement they will see. This applies to everything. Including finding love. If a transgender woman or a trans-attracted guy believes there are no eligible people out there, it’s going to be very difficult for them to find a partner.

But when they start looking at all the positive signs supporting their desire, finding a partner gets easier. Then it gets fun. Then the person ends up in a relationship!

This post, however, isn’t about relationships. It’s about the world getting better for transgender people.

As far-right pundits and their followers rage against trans people, just as many people are doing things to support trans people. Far more people actually advocate for trans people than those opposing them. Consider the large number of parents supporting their kids, for example. Think of all those kids supporting each other on social media. And nonprofit organizations offering support in all kinds of ways. Then there, of course, are trans-attracted men doing their part.

But the most recent support comes in the form of news from the movie industry. Hat tip, btw, to Mathea Magdalena for posting this in her Facebook feed.

The news broke back in December. We write our blog posts five weeks in advance. So while the news may be old, its impact on trans people is not. And it’s still worth celebrating. So let’s get to it!

Another movie star takes action

Late last year, Cate Blanchett announced a partnership with USC and her film production company co-founder to annually award $50,000 short-film awards to eight trans, nonbinary and female film makers. The program, called the Proof of Concept Accelerator Program began awarding in January.

According to LGBTQ Nation the actor launched the partnership after a “disappointing” movie set experience. She explained how the industry professed embracing diversity. Yet, when she arrived on set, not only was she the only woman in front of the camera, she said she was the only woman on set.

Apparently this is often the case in movies. And while other actresses are making dents in that area, most notably actress/film makers such as Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon, Issa Rae, Shonda Rimes and many, many more, men and their attitudes still dominate the industry. This is well known, but not often publicly talked about.

USC’s Annenberg Inclusion Initiative, a partner in the accelerator, recently made a notable discovery. Although it’s not earth shattering. According to their annual report, women comprised only six percent of directors across 1,600 top-grossing movies from 2007 to 2022. Meanwhile less than a third of all speaking roles in those films were girls, women, trans, or nonbinary characters.

In other words, Cate’s idea is sorely needed. Especially for trans actors and actresses and film makers.

The world we see is the one we create through our thoughts and beliefs. Transgender and trans-attracted people can vastly improve their lives by looking for and appreciating things going right in the world.

Life is getting better

We’ve always said life is improving for trans people. Our friend Mathea is in the film industry. She’s excited about what Cate is doing. I am too. It’s just one more piece of evidence showing how great life is getting for transgender people.

Again, the more we look at things going right in the world, especially for the transgender community, the more things will go right in the world for us as individuals. And as our lives get better, we sow seeds that inspire others to improve their lives.

It’s always good to help another person improve their life. But if that person keeps telling stories about how sucky their life or the world is, improvement will be slow in coming for them. If it comes at all.

That’s why learning to look at life in a positive way can benefit. All my clients are seeing those benefits happen in their lives.

Perhaps you’re ready to see them in yours?

February 6, 2024December 25, 2023

The Lovely Hypocrisy Of Conservative Transphobes

Visualization by Kristin on Public tableau

TLDR: The author shares the revelation that conservatives who publicly oppose trans rights secretly search for transgender content. They suggest telling more compassionate stories about conservatives to effect change, emphasizing the power of emotions and personal influence. The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes fuels momentum for the future inclusion of trans individuals.

When I shared what you’re about to read with my trans women friends, I was shocked. Not because what I shared was shocking. Although it was shocking. At least to me.

But what also shocked me was my trans women friends’ reaction. Or rather, their lack of reaction. They thought it old news. Old news! In other words, they already knew what I shared.

And, to be honest, what I found wasn’t news to me either. What was news was the trove of data supporting the fact.

I’m so glad I found the supporting data though. The data support anecdotal instances that have peppered the news…for as long as humanity has been around.

So what is the news/old news? It’s that conservatives are hypocrites. Especially when it comes to sex. Especially when it comes to trans people. That hypocrisy creates a lot of unnecessary nail-biting and hand wringing. It also creates a lot of wasted time and expense. Not to mention anxiety and self-loathing among those I love.

After all, unless one is positively focused, loving oneself is really hard in today’s society. Especially when swaths of the population hate what you are.

So let’s look at data validating the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy conservatives exhibit. Then, let’s look at this evidence through a different lens. One that can empower trans women rather than disempower them.

Conservatives are trans-attracted

The supporting data comes from Lawsuit.org. Interestingly, a trans-attracted guy gave me the links. He’s becoming an outspoken trans advocate. Kind of like me. He reached out after deciding to write a book. A book inspired by what he’s read here at The Transamorous Network. (See? We’re positively benefitting the trans community! More on that in another post!).

After a wonderful hour-long conversation, Brian shared the link. The conversation enriched us both. But the link offered me pure gold.

Brian’s lovely message to me via The Transamorous Network.

It linked to a Lawsuit.org article. The article claimed conservatives are “obsessed” with searching for transgender porn online.

It starts by talking about what we all know. In 2022 Republicans mounted a huge legislative effort negating trans lives. I’m not going to rehash all those details. They’re well known. What isn’t so well known is a lot of data supports the unseemly double-standard Republicans hold when it comes to trans people: they secretly love what they publicly hate.

According to the article, Republicans are trans-attracted. I would say they’re trans-obsessed. The data sure support that. Let’s take a look.

Conservative trans-obsession mapped and analyzed

According to Lawsuit.org’s research, of the almost 5 million trans and trans-adjacent porn Google searches each month, the majority of them happen in red states. The red state with the highest concentration of trans porn searches?

Texas.

*Search terms for the list ranking include only: “shemale”, “tranny”, “femboy”, and “ladyboy”*

Lawsuit.org didn’t just look at map visualizations. They wanted to be for sure about correlations they saw in the data. So they used good ol’ statistical analysis to drive home the point. What they found was…well…confirming:

While the maps and rankings might make it seem obvious that there’s a correlation between conservatism and searching for transgender porn, but by plotting linear regression trend lines, we can better understand the strength of the correlation. In these views, we look at search volume for three different keyword groups vs metro area political leaning. Each dot represents a metro area. Dots are colored their ratio of Democratic vs. Republican votes in the 2020 presidential election. The higher the value (more red), the higher the percentage of that metro area voted for Donald Trump.
Lawsuit.org

How to use this information

As I said earlier, all my trans friends, including Muriel, my gf, know this intuitively. But it’s good to see it literally mapped out for us. So what can we take from this? Can we, and by “we” I mean the trans community, which includes trans-attracted and transamorous men, benefit from this information in some way?

The answer: yes.

Probably not in the way you’re thinking though. So I’ll spell it out.

As we say here all day, every day, we all create our reality. No one else does it. That means we each enjoy tremendous creative potential. We create our realities through stories we tell about reality. And, because we are free to tell any story we want, we can create any reality we want.

But if we keep telling the same stories, we’ll keep getting the same manifestational results. Don’t believe me? Look at many trans women and trans-attracted men and their dating lives.

So here’s how we can best use this information: we can use it to tell better stories about people who call us evil. And when we do that, eventually, those people will change. How that change happens doesn’t matter. The how is not our business anyway. But the change will come. If we hold to better-feeling stories of, for example, conservatives wanting to do away with us.

Erasure is pain manifest

The best stories about such people, the most empowering stories, the ones most aligned to what we want have us feeling compassion and understanding for conservatives. Not hatred and anger. Hatred- and anger-generating stories are the least empowering, the worse stories we can tell. From the standpoint of wanting improved futures, stories creating hatred and anger in us miss the mark.

If we want conservatives to change, we must literally be the change we want to see. That means telling better-feeling stories. That, in my opinion, begins with understanding what conservatives are going through. What is it that has them so upset about us?

The goal of the stories we create is, again, to engender in us compassion and understanding. Those two emotions tell us the new, improved stories are working.

So what stories can we tell? How about these:

Conservatives live in fear
They must arm themselves because of the fear they feel.
They’ve learned from their leaders that the world is scary and non-conservatives are out to get them. That has them feeling vulnerable.
Conservatives can’t accept their own humanity. Including what they naturally desire. So they attack others who are doing and having and enjoying what they can’t allow themselves to do, have and enjoy.
Conservatives are suffering. And they don’t even know it.

It’s not about you, or us

In the end, their struggle to bring back a world that can never again be has nothing to do with you. Or us. While they may see limited success in the short term, in the long term, their plans will fail. Their plans can’t succeed because those plans rest on shaky foundations. Foundations of hypocrisy and pain.

What’s more, the trans experience is expansion. It is in accord with All That Is. Nothing can prevent it. Nothing can stop it. In fact, we could tell the following story. A story that is 100 percent accurate:

Conservative anger and hatred focused on trans people only adds momentum to the trans experience becoming more. Because the more a person resists something, the bigger that thing gets. And a group of people resisting amplifies that momentum even further.

Some trans people might say “well, you don’t live in Texas, Florida or any of the other red states enacting anti-trans legislation. Easy for you to say.”

My response: That’s right. I don’t live there. I don’t have to live there to influence what happens there though. But here’s the even better news: those trans people living there have even more leverage to influence what’s happening in states like Texas and Florida. But if they’re feeling fear, insecurity and anger, they’re not leveraging the power they possess.

We are powerful beings

As individuals, we are unlimited in our abilities. But that power comes not from our action. It comes, rather, from who we’re being. Our emotions help us know moment-by-moment who we’re being. And when we’re feeling empowered, joyful, and in appreciation we are at our best.

At our best, we can have tremendous influence. Influence not needing a lick of action on our part. Or help from others. But unless you have proven this to yourself, it’s hard to believe it.

I know it. My clients are getting to believe it.

You can too.

The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes offers the trans community a lovely gift. It is the gift of momentum. The fuel that stokes the flames making those flames glow even brighter. The flames of individual trans and trans-attracted hearts and minds. Brian knows this. I know this too. The future includes trans people. Conservatives can’t stop it.

And in their efforts to try, they make that future more and more a fait accompli.