Dating - The Transamorous Network

August 17, 2021February 12, 2023

How To Beat Bad Results People Get Dating Online

Online dating seems like the way everyone meets their match these days. But the best, most fun way to meet your match if you’re transgender or trans-attracted happens not through online dating. It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part.

It’s surprising how few people actually use online dating. It’s not as many as you think. And, according to general opinion, results people get from online dating, on average, show online dating performs about as well as meeting people through other methods.

In this post, we’re going explain why we don’t encourage finding romantic partners through online dating. Then we’ll explain how being happy works better. In fact, its success rate is 100 percent. Then we’ll explain why being happy enjoys such a perfect success rate.

When it comes to online dating, we’re not just giving our opinion. We’re sharing opinions from over 4,000 online daters. Pew Research interviewed these people then wrote a report called “The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating.” Numbers shared in this post come from Pew’s survey data report.

Let’s get right to it.

The good news

It’s no surprise that online daters trend younger. What did surprise us is Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) online dating usage exceeds other groups. LGB community members use online dating at much higher rates than any other population.

It’s fair to say then, that higher percentages of people dating online also are LGB. It’s also safe to say LGB folks (and we’ll include “T” folks too as well as Trans-attracted people) experience less desirable online dating results more often. That’s because more LGB people use online dating.

Full disclosure: at least one of our Transamorous Network clients finds online dating helpful. But two others traded online dating for the approach we recommend at the end of this post, and for good reasons.

Online dating gets hyped, which is why so many people use it to try to find a partner. (Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash)

Over the years, more people, generally, turned to online dating. Increases in online dating probably reflect increased communication about online dating and the availability of it. An online dating platform exists for virtually any persuasion, interest, hobby or characteristic. That plus relatively inexpensive membership costs, make online dating quite alluring.

Add to that the fact that online dating is a for-profit business model with investors making money off your loneliness, you can bet investors will spend a lot of money getting you to subscribe. So seeing online dating opportunity everywhere should not surprise you.

Furthermore, people’s increasingly busy lives, their intense desire for finding a partner, especially young people, and perhaps people’s dissatisfaction finding partners in other ways, caused large jumps in online dating participation over the last decade or so.

Still, that doesn’t mean a lot of people date online. Pew says only 30 percent of Americans use online dating. Now, 30 percent of 300 million people is a lot. But relative to the whole, it’s not.

How do they fare?

Of that 30 percent, less than half (12 percent) reported they had a committed relationship or married someone they met online. That means 88 percent of people who use online dating don’t end up in committed relationships or marriage with someone they met online.

We mentioned above that a lot of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) people use online dating. Over half (55 percent) of LGB people try finding mates this way, with a large number of 18-29 year olds (48 percent) doing so as well. According to Pew, both groups report higher success finding partners. Twenty percent of both young people and LGB people say they married or had committed relationships with someone they met online.

But that still leaves 80 percent of both groups who did not.

So how successful online dating can be depends on many factors. But no matter the factors, we’d say an 80 percent failure rate is not a successful dating method.

Combined with problems online dating comes with, which we’ll share momentarily, one would think no one would go for the hype. Could it be online dating success gets way overblown? Or do other reasons compel people to online dating sites?

People use online dating for different reasons, many of which seem quite reasonable. (Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash)

People report reasonable causes for using online dating.

Many report online dating offers a wider pool of potential partners. Some say they can screen people ahead of time, thereby eliminating obvious not-matches. Others say it’s just easier. Many appreciate online dating’s perceived low costs. Online dating, others say, also offers like-minded people opportunities to meet.

The Pew report adds: “Relatively small shares [of people] argue that online dating has had a mostly positive effect because it is a more efficient way of meeting people, is a better alternative to more traditional ways of meeting, helps people who have trouble meeting others or is a safer way of meeting people.”

So online dating does seem to offer good usage cases. But let’s look at some downsides people report.

Online dating isn’t fun

Pew says “There is a stronger consensus among respondents who believe dating sites and apps have had a mostly negative effect.”

Various forms of dishonesty – ranging from people embellishing the truth to outright scams exist on these sites. Some respondents say online dating makes courtship more like an assembly line process. It takes romance and spontaneity out of dating and eliminates more meaningful and deeper connections. Minorities often report finding online dating more difficult than non-minorities.

Participants often say people don’t act like themselves online. No one is actually getting to really know each other, they say, and communication is flawed from the beginning. They also say “swipe mentality” and a constant influx of new “inventory” causes more superficial reactions to profiles rather than meaningful connection between people.

Online dating apps frequently leave people feeling frustrated and hopeless. Yet, people still use them. Go figure. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)

Reports show people often swing way out of their league too. They go after people far more attractive, successful or otherwise beyond their “class” so to speak. This often leads to frustration and disappointment.

It’s no wonder then that wide margins of users report negative online dating experiences. Nearly half (45 percent) said online dating leaves them more frustrated than hopeful. Sixty percent of female users report receiving harassing behavior. Some even say online dating fosters superficial hook-up behavior over deeper, longer-lasting relationships. A few even say online dating isn’t safe.

So generally, while online dating success happens for a few, far more users experience many downsides, including failure and frustration dating online.

It’s just not fun wading through profiles day-in and day-out. Doing so leads to isolation, despondency and even anxiety for many. Success comes to very few.

Why it doesn’t work

Online dating fails an 80 percent of the time.

Would you drive a car that breaks down and can’t get you to work 80 percent of the time? Certainly you wouldn’t work someplace where 80 percent of the time you wouldn’t get paid, would you? Would you buy a plane ticket from an airline whose planes crashed 80 percent of the time? Would you date someone who lied to you 80 percent of the time?

Of course you would do none of these things. Yet so many people hope to find a match through a process that fails 80 of the time. Isn’t that interesting? A more interesting question: why does it fail so often?

The short answer: because online dating can’t overcome stories people tell themselves. Y our stories create your reality. What that means: if you think, for example, that you can’t find a man who will love you for who you are, no online dating platform can bring you a man who will love you for who you are. Instead, you’ll get results like this person, every time:

A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.

Let’s say you believe transgender women are attractive, sexy and someone you want to be with. But you also believe you might be gay because of your attraction. Or that your friends will humiliate you should they find our. Or you believe your religion says your attraction means you’ll go to hell. A dating site will will only match you with transgender women whose beliefs match yours. Meaning, you will meet transgender women who themselves harbor insecurities, fears, self loathing, unworthiness, and they will act from those feelings.

You see, it doesn’t matter what external tool you try using. That’s because your thoughts – about you, about your partner, about life in general – dominate. They create your experience.

Dating failure starts in the head

Think about it. Here I am in front of my computer. I worked all day at a job I don’t like. I come home, I’m tired. Because I’m tired, I don’t think about what or how I’m thinking. So my thoughts wander. I think about my empty apartment, how quiet it is. I decide I don’t like that. Then I remember that story my friend told me about how she met someone who turned out to be an asshole. I don’t like that either.

Men are scum, I say out loud. It’s my common refrain.

Then I think about how lonely I feel. At 35, time’s running out for me. My last relationship was three years ago. It ended ugly. So now, in this gaggle of disempowering thoughts/stories, I open Match.com or OKCupid and…

What do you think I’m a match to? A successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed?

OF COURSE I’M NOT!

Why on earth would I expect a dating app to match me with that kind of person?

IT CAN’T!

Finding lasting love can and does happen. In every case it happens by becoming a match to it. Are you really a match to the person you’re looking for? Most aren’t, which is why they fail. (Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash)

And even if it did, should I try communicating with that person, my insecurity, loneliness and desperation would speak more loudly than any words on a computer screen! Or, that person will just pass up both my message and profile. He literally won’t see it because his stories draw to him matches to the confidence, happiness, fun and love he feels.

All anything in physical reality can do is respond to what you put out through your stories. Which means, if you want to meet your ideal match, you must become a match to that person.

How do you do that?

By changing how you think about life. By changing how you think about everything.

“Everything?” You say?

Yes, EVERYTHING!!!! 😂

Again, think about it

Think about that successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed. It’s highly unlikely that guy is on an online dating app.

Do you get that?

He’s out having fun. He’s hanging with his homies. Working late because he loves his job, he doesn’t have time for dating apps. This guy’s confidence attracts whoever he wants. That success he enjoys does too.

Since he’s comfortable with who he is, confident in his life and happy, he doesn’t feel lonely. Nor does he feel he needs a relationship. A relationship might add to life, but HE DOESN’T NEED ONE.

That handsome, fun, successful guy isn’t using online dating. He’s out living large and loving life. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)

You do though. And so you aren’t a match to this guy. Nor are you happy because you keep thinking about the relationship you don’t have, the one you badly want.

Same goes with a successful, happy, beautiful transgender woman, guys. If you pine for such a girl and open your computer to find one, she’s not going to be there because she doesn’t need it to find her match. Chances are, she’s not looking for a match anyway. Her life is full and she’s happy.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men must find a better approach. One that works 100 percent of the time. That approach starts with an internal examination.

The better approach

Yes, the better approach works 100 percent of the time. Here’s why. Read carefully, because this will trip you out.

There’s only one reason, the only, ultimate reason, people want a partner. People think it’s because they want children. Some think they want one for the company. Others say because they don’t want to be lonely. Some just want sex. Some believe it will make them “complete”.

But underneath all these superficial reasons (yes, they’re all superficial compared to the ultimate reason) lurks the one reason everyone wants a partner: because in having one, they feel better than they do without one.

That’s it? Yep. That’s it.

Being in love feels better than not. Being in a relationship, even in a not-so-good one, many will say, feels better than being alone. Having children, for some, feels great. Sex…well, you know.

The point is, relationship pursuit, at its core, happens because people everywhere look to relationships because they believe relationships make them happy.

The better approach, the one that works 100 percent of the time, is this: First, be happy. Cultivate a chronic, lasting happiness that’s unconditional. Do that and you don’t need a partner because…well…you’re already happy!

And here’s the sneaky part of the better approach, the thing you’re looking for: just like the ideal guy and the ideal trans woman described above, in being happy, you don’t need a relationship. And, paradoxically, when you don’t need one, the one you want shows up. Without you doing anything to get it.

It gives you everything you want

The thing is, everyone can easily beat bad results 80-90 percent of people get through online dating. We’re going to tell you how that approach works, but first we’re going to tell you why it’s the better approach.

Not only does it do all the work, not only does it work 100 percent of the time, it’s more fun. The better approach happens in your real life, not in a computer. Your life transforms before your eyes and as it does, you find life getting more and more interesting and enjoyable.

The approach that works 100 percent of the time starts with you. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)

Frustration doesn’t exist either. In time, happiness becomes your standard state. Frustration, anxiety, fear and insecurity disappear. In their absence, life flows easily towards your ideals.

People can’t scam or use you. They can’t because they can’t find you. Just like the happy guy described above isn’t a match to you when you’re cranky and alone, scammers and users can’t scam and use you if you’re not a match to their plans, can they?

With the better approach, you only meet your matches. Your pool of available matches increases infinitely using this approach…but.

You only need one guy or girl. Think about it. Unless you’re poly, do you really need a huge-ass candidate pool? Of course not. You’re looking for that one partner. The great thing about the better approach is there are many “one partners” and they’re the only ones you meet when using this approach.

Also, you’re already happy using the better approach! Relationships then become nice-to-haves. Not must haves.

And, when you do meet your match(es), it happens in fun and surprising ways. The better approach brings back the spice, the romance, the excitement that once existed in dating. Who doesn’t like being surprised?

Meanwhile the rest of your life gets better too. Literally everything you want comes to you the more you use this approach. Can online dating make that claim?

How it works

It seems like the approach would be complicated. It’s not. We show our clients how to use it and they get all the results stated above. That one client we said who still uses online dating? She’s learning how to use our approach while dating online. And while to us, that’s suboptimal, she’s having fun meeting all kinds of people.

But we think she’ll drop online dating once she really understands how the approach works.

You will too.

The approach works simply. Every experience you find yourself in, happens because you draw it to you. You’re like a magnet. Experiences act like metal. Which experiences you experience depends on what “magnetic attraction” you put out.

The approach described here happens all day every day for everyone, no exceptions. Any one can easily confirm it happening in their lives. One need only know how to see the signs.

Once a person activates their “magnetism” the way that attracts what they want, those things just come. If your “magnetism” is off, that what you get. Off stuff.

Your can’t control what comes after things start coming. The only control a person has is what kind of “magnetism” they put out. How does a person control what “magnetism” they put out?

Through thoughts they think.

We lied, it’s not simple

While it’s fun knowing specific details how thoughts determine that “magnetism”, you don’t need to know those details to leverage the approach. And it will still work 100 percent of the time.

All you need to do is examine what you’re thinking about everything you think about and gradually change all those thoughts to positive ones. Again, this process works 100 percent of the time. The cool thing is, the results show up at once. Waiting around isn’t necessary. You don’t need to wade through any profiles or even go on dates!

Feeling better is what everyone wants. It’s the reason everyone wants what they want. Including relationships. Get happy and watch how what you want comes easily.

In no time you’ll find yourself happy. “Happy” means you’re putting out the right “magnetism”. The key then is holding yourself in “happy” long enough to create a momentum or chronic happy state.

On the way to cultivating that state everything we wrote about in the “it gives you everything you want” section above happens.

Now think about that: standing in all that goodness coming your way and seeing it happen, aren’t you happy? You are. And in that happiness, do you really need a relationship? Not really. You may still want one and that’s fine.

100 percent success rate

The great news is, you’ve freed yourself from desperation, frustration, anxiety and every other feeling borne of negative thoughts. Thoughts that block you getting what you want.

In that freedom the relationship you want will come. One hundred percent guaranteed.

At The Transamorous Network we show people how this approach works. Those working with us get everything they want. But it doesn’t stop there. They discover how much fun life is, then they keep working with us because it’s super fun being around happy people who themselves enjoy life so much.

Online dating looks and feels convenient and easy. But with an 80 percent failure rate, we think that ease and convenience is not worth the cost. The best, most fun way to meet your match, if you’re transgender or trans-attracted, happens not through online dating.

It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part. Want to ask a question or give it a try? We’d love to hear from you.

Don’t be part of the 80 – 90 percent of people failing online. Find your happiness. Then, discover how easy it is being happy, and finding your true love.

August 10, 2021July 2, 2021

What Happened After Meeting His Perfect Trans Lover 😰

Some trans-attracted…strike that…nearly every trans-attracted man struggles with patience. Transgender women do too. Because they struggle, their choices invite much pain and drama. Especially in relationships.

Or, they hide. And in their hiding, they lead minuscule lives compared to what they could live.

This post tells of a client learning how not to live that way. He still struggles though, because he hasn’t yet mastered how to live differently. He’s on his way though.

His story still contains value for transgender women and trans-attracted men striving for love. So I’m sharing it knowing it will help a lot of people.

“Jeffrey” came to The Transamorous Network 12 months ago. He struggled with dysphoria and trans-attraction, living authentically and finding love. Cis-women relationships never worked out and his life, as I said above, was very small.

What’s more, Christian beliefs kept him in a nearly continuous state of self-judging his desires and his life choices as wrong and bad. Those religious beliefs combined with equally disempowering beliefs adopted from his family upbringing. Latter beliefs made him feel financially responsible for his family, but at the same time resentful towards them when, in his opinion, they spent frivolously.

It doesn’t have to take long but often does

Jeffrey spent 11 of our 12 months together denying his unhappiness. He filled our time talking about lighthearted topics and tangents. All the while he avoided what he really wanted to talk about. Things such as his trans attraction, his sexual activity preferences and his discomfort in his religion.

Whenever I brought those up, he stammered, hesitated, went quiet or humorously changed the topic. I never pressured him because I knew he needed to build trust.

It doesn’t have to take 12 months to see progress so impressive clients double down on what they’re learning. But Jeffrey’s unworthiness, lack of deservedness, the belief that he is a sinner and condemned to going to hell because of what he feels and wants, made quick progress impossible.

For the average client, impressive evidence comes immediately. Once seen, clients eagerly progress. They create lives they love. Seeing that happen, they relax into their lives and lose that frantic “doing” mode born of impatience.

After all, when one sees their life improving at an incredible rate, when they feel better than before, relaxing becomes easy. They know, in time, they will have everything they want. That’s because they see evidence of everything becoming the way they want. Easily and effortlessly. Like the trans woman in this audio who also is a client:

Jeffrey wasn’t an average client though. So he struggled a long time. This included, as I said above, making choices that were not in his best interest, even though I frequently suggested he not make such choices.

Online dating: never the best way

One of those choices involved searching for his partner through online dating. Online dating, despite its popularity, brings many challenges. I’ve written about this before so I’m not going to go into those.

What I will say is, often, nearly always, online dating feels like drudgery, monotony and hard work. A person can’t possibly feel good wading through all those profiles, many of which overstate people’s strong points and skip over people’s baggage.

Now consider nearly everyone else on such sites feel similarly. And while a majority of online daters report positive experiences, nearly every match reflects that desperation. That may be why nearly half of people using such sites say their experiences leave them feeling frustrated.

Maybe that’s also why only 12 percent of online dating matches result in long term relationships or marriage. The figure is near double that for LGBTQ identified people. But 20 percent is still a small number.

Feelings making dating doubly tough

Like everyone else, Jeffrey’s desperation compounded with desolation. His last relationship, with a cis gender woman ended more than 20 years ago. He knew he wanted a transgender parter. But his stories about himself as a trans-attracted man and about transgender women made finding her difficult.

For example, he believes trans-attractive men use trans women as fetish objects. In other words, he does not believe his trans attraction is wholesome and natural. He also judges harshly his own desire for trans women who enjoy using their penises. Jeffrey’s religious beliefs played an important role in his struggles too. Such strong stories, with their accompanying condemnation, directly conflict with his desire.

All of these stories created within Jeffrey strong emotions, all of which told him something. But up until the 11th month, when he finally had what he thought was a good shot with a trans woman, Jeffrey did not understand what his emotions told him.

Insecurity, trepidation, anxiety, unworthiness, self-reproach, embarrassment, and shame boiled in him like a message cocktail. But he couldn’t decipher the messages.

Anytime someone feels such emotions, action should never top the “to do” list. A better approach involves addressing stories creating these emotional responses. Only then can one avoid drama created through stories creating those emotions. We talk about this all the time in The Transamorous Network material. Here’s our into video explaining our accurate premise:

Jeffrey meets his perfect match

As I said though, many men who find themselves attracted to transgender women struggle with impatience. Transgender women do too. Both parties don’t understand what we talk about at the The Transamorous Network. So instead of finding love they want, they instead try to “make” relationships happen while ignoring stories they tell keeping relationships they want from showing up.

That’s what nearly everybody does while using online dating sites. They double down on existing stories then get what such stories create.

No wonder so many online dating users experience frustration. 🤷🏽‍♂️

One day Jeffrey came to his session super happy. The dating site he used matched him with a transgender woman. I knew immediately this spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. He had done nothing about his stories. I knew she matched Jeffrey perfectly. But that wasn’t a good thing.

If you read everything up until this point, and you read other material from The Transamorous Network, you know everyone a person meets is a match to who they meet, the person they’re meeting matching who they’re being at that moment. So if a person doesn’t do anything about their stories, who they meet matches them perfectly, including disempowering stories they currently hold true for themselves.

Think about stories Jeffrey believed. Now just assume for the moment, what we say is true: you create your reality, including relationships, through stories you tell. If that’s true, and it is, you can guess how this new relationship went…

The honeymoon ended…quick

In session, Jeffrey shared things he liked about this person. Let’s call her “Alice”. He liked her extreme femininity. He adored how passable she looked. She said all the right things in text messages and phone calls. She had good employment as he does. Alice also enjoyed having and using her penis.

Needless to say, right away, they connected. And of course they would – they were a perfect match! Especially they’re stories!

Jeffrey raved about hours and hours they spent on phone calls and text message conversations. Such conversations became hours-long video calls. “We have to plan when we talk to each other because our talks last so long,” he once said excitedly.

Video calls turned into an in-person meetup. Alice and Jeffrey both felt excited. Jeffrey talked about it the session before they met.

While their date approached, Jeffrey felt insecurities surface. Valiantly he used what he learned in his sessions, which allowed Jeffrey a nice win:

Jeffrey using what he learned in his sessions to soothe negative stories.

Pain and drama: been there, done that

Then Jeffrey came to the session after his date excited and happy. It went very well. Too well, some might say. Instead of taking it slow, both he and Alice “went all in”, literally staying in the hotel room the entire weekend having sex.

Both reported enjoying their time together, according to Jeffrey. But not long after that eventful weekend, insecurities born of negative stories in both parties surfaced. Despite the reported wonderful time both enjoyed, their insecurities caused Jeffrey and Alice to interpret the weekend anew. It sounded like a different weekend altogether!

Alice accused Jeffrey of using her. Jeffrey worried out loud about Alice’s drinking and her tendency to try to force Jeffrey to drink more than he wanted. Alice felt Jeffrey judged her the whole weekend. Jeffrey felt angered because Alice at first put him on a pedestal but now had kicked that pedestal out from under him.

Jeffrey went even further in his worries. He wondered if her drinking and her blistering critique of certain American populations indicated a potential relationship red flag. Alice went further too, by blaming Jeffrey for taking time away from her GED studies!

In other words, both parties shared similar and complimentary negative stories. Stories which triggered negative interpretations about the other party. The honeymoon: over before it began.

Wonder what a perfect match looks like when a person doesn’t attend to their negative stories? Here you go:

Jeffrey doubling down on disempowering stories. Stories about himself, about transgender women, and about Alice.

It gets worse before it gets better

Days later, Jeffrey wanted to cancel his session. Things turned worse for him and for he and Alice. The unraveling relationship triggered other stories Jeffrey has about himself and relationships, stories he thought he resolved long ago. I encouraged continuing with the session knowing it would do him good.

Jeffrey wanting to bail, then realizing a new approach.

Jeffrey didn’t realize it, but this experience offered tons of opportunity. Hopefully you see the opportunity. Not only did his relationship show him how his stories created the match he experienced with Alice, it also surfaced other stories he has about himself. Stories he absolutely MUST change if he wants a relationship that lasts.

We touched on this in our next text exchange:

Not long after this exchange, the after our session, Jeffrey’s mood improved. Out of that improvement he saw more clearly how his stories created everything he experienced. I wasn’t shocked, but at the same time I was. Here he had a roller coaster relationship, lasting less than a month and he learned so much.

Weeks after Alice and Jeffrey stopped talking altogether, Jeffrey confided that he would no longer use dating websites. He also resolved to double down on his practice through The Transamorous Network. This experience, he said, showed him with no doubt how his persistent stories created everything he experienced with Alice. He also saw how her stories did the same for her and how both their stories created their mutual experience.

Moving forward in his power

Today Jeffrey confidently comes to each session transformed. He’s more upfront and clear about his stories, especially about what he enjoys and what he wants in a relationship. This clarity also spills into his other life areas, just as we promise the work does.

The Transamorous Network invites people to look at a new way of creating their relationships. That new way includes more power and capability than doing it the way everyone else does.

But this new way works on all life areas, not just on relationships. That’s why clients report their entire lives get better in addition to getting new perspectives on relationships they want. Impatience disappears and in its place comes certainty, self-love and clarity about one’s power in life.

From there, and only there, can someone create a relationship worth having. That’s what we want for all trans-attracted men and transgender women. For in transforming what’s possible for these two groups in the realm of relationships, entire lives also transforms for the better.

This is what we guarantee and this is what clients get. Having that includes, of course, finding one’s perfect match easily and effortlessly.

The best way to get that great relationship is by first having a great relationship with yourself. Get that and everything else falls in place.

June 22, 2021August 26, 2022

Cheating With T-Girls Now Puts You At Great Risk

If you’re married, trans-attracted, and sexing up transgender women on the side, you might be putting you and your marriage at great risk. That’s because while The Transamorous Network doesn’t ruin marriages, someone in the transgender community does.

Yours could be next. 😱

In the last six months, I got calls from two different people I normally don’t get calls from. The first call came from a distraught father in the midwest. He worried about his estranged son, who went dark over a year ago. Apparently, his son moved to Oregon (where I live), got in trouble with the law and wasn’t in a good place.

I asked the father how he heard about this and why, on earth, he called me…

The other call came from a wife here in the Northwest. She called twice back-to-back during a client session. After my client, I returned her call. She was raging angry. Apparently she discovered her husband cheated on her with transgender women for years.

This call felt more connected with Transamorous Network practice compared to the father conversation. Still, mild surprise had me ask her how she got my number…

Cheating trans-attracted men put on blast

Both the father and wife answered my question the same way. They each got a letter.

Each letter, addressed specifically to the father and wife, detailed the son and husband’s involvement with transgender women. The hand-written letters told, in first person details, about the son’s and husband’s trans-attraction activities. Only someone intimately involved with them would know details shared.

In the father’s case, the letter said something like “your son sleeps with trans women, you need to accept that so he’ll accept it too.” The letter addressed to the wife described the husband in unsavory terms and included details about his dalliances I’d prefer not describe.

Far more shocking though was what both letters shared. Both concluded with references to The Transamorous Network and my telephone number. No return address. Both recipients thought we sent the letter.

We did not.

A Transgender caped crusader or vigilante?

What’s going on here? A transgender woman, or group maybe, outs men to their families and spouses after sharing beds with them. The men seem oblivious, the partners and families feel shocked and saddened. Marriages start unraveling, angers soar (mostly among wives).

I don’t blame the wives. Were I in their shoes, I’d be pissed too!

If you’ve read our blog comments section, you know more wives show up nowadays expressing rage, frustration and judgement about everything about their husbands’ cheating. The good news: these marriages weren’t going to last anyway. The men clearly are trans-attracted. And while a few men can remain cis-married and trans-attracted, most must reconcile their attraction and marital status.

Still, I must ask: Who has it out for these men? Did a group of transgender women start collaborating to out these DL men? Or has one transgender woman resolved to teach them a lesson by destroying their families?

Maybe she or they have had it with DL men. Perhaps they think blowing up marriages creates a big enough shock to get men to own their natural attraction in the open. It’s not an approach I endorse.

And why include The Transamorous Network in all this? For sure, both married men and wives can benefit from what we do. In fact, I’ve already supported one woman (not the one who called recently) seeking advice on next steps with her trans-attracted husband and marriage.

What’s my role in all this?

Both incidences involved men in the Northwest. So it’s likely the trans-vigilantes, fed up with men on the DL and determined to punish these men, operate in the Northwest. Or, they might be nationwide.

Who knows?

One thing’s for sure: Neither me nor The Transamorous Network knows who these transgender women are. We also didn’t give them permission to use our contact information. But we must say two things about this: one, it’s good for business, as the angry wives call us looking for answers. We can help in that regard.

So it was smart referring these people to us.

Second, At least these vigilantes are giving the couple a resource that could dramatically change everyone’s life for the better. Including the vigilantes.

So men – you’ve been warned. Beware. Before you put your pee pee in that hole think about that ring on your finger. Looks like now, if you’re cheating on your cisgender wife, the risks of you getting outed just went up.

May 25, 2021May 2, 2021

Happy Stories Make Wonderful Cis-Trans Relationships

I love it when my clients send messages between sessions showing they’re putting what they learn from The Transamorous Network to practice. It’s even more fun seeing them getting awesome results.

I think any transgender woman would love loving a guy like my client DW. Recently DW met a trans girl who is a perfect match to what he’s asked for. She’s happy, smart, well spoken, hot (to him), fun, playful, and likes that he’s been totally transparent about what he wants.

Of course, that transparency comes from learning to tell positive stories, seeing results from doing that and therefore gaining confidence in being transamorous. Telling such stories, DW knows, made him a perfect match for Kim (not her real name). That’s why DW and Kim spent hours together via text, then on the phone, then on video every day early on.

“We can’t call each other spontaneously,” DW said. “Because we know we’ll spend hours together. We have to schedule our calls instead.”

Cute.

Transamory means owning one’s stories

After excitedly talking about Kim one session, DW sent a wonderful text message. The message showed not only how consciously and deliberately DW is implementing what he learned in his sessions, it shows how great the work works!

Clients learn, in session, how stories create reality. When they see evidence proving this statement true, clients, knowing what they learned, get excited. Seeing the work work is intoxicating. Especially when it comes to catching one’s old stories, doing something productive about them and seeing positive results.

Such acts also create empowerment, enthusiasm and joy where there might have been insecurity, shame, fear or frustration. DW’s text perfectly shows this in action. Check it out:

Joe catches his negative story (about himself) in action, then diffuses it like a boss!

It’s never about what it’s about

Bad behavior seems to happen in reaction to what someone observes. It might be something someone says or does, how they look, or maybe even something they don’t do that triggers bad behavior.

“Bad behavior” doesn’t have to be physical action. It can be subtle. Like DW here feeling himself pull away. You can bet at spiritual levels Kim felt that too, although she probably didn’t consciously register it.

But whenever someone “reacts” they’re not reacting to what’s happening. They’re reacting to their story about what’s happening. That’s why most people think their lives consist of random event patterns, some good, some bad, with a preponderance of one or the other. They think their life (their creation) is out of their control. So when they react they think they’re reacting to something out of their control.

When a person learns they’re creating their reality, they learn they control what happens to them. They learn to catch the “creation” early – like DW is doing above. Doing that, they realize they have far more control over their life than they thought. Including their dating life.

People literally can create any reality they want. Unless they think that’s impossible. But, “that’s impossible” is a story. A story creating realities matching it.

See how it works?

You get what you tell stories about

That’s why I say to everyone stories matter. What one thinks about is what they get whether wanted or not.

Understand this, do something about it and watch life how how well it works.

Seeing that, life gets fun. A person can’t help becoming happy. Like DW here. The more that happens, the more life will bring more things matching that happiness.

Each life is each person’s oyster. The question is what are individuals doing with their lives? For my clients, they’re creating their best lives. You can too.

April 27, 2021April 27, 2021

Transgender and Trans-Attracted: This Creates Better Futures

As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.

But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.

Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.

Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere

Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.

Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.

For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.

They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.

In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.

Everyone is a match

This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.

I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.

Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.

I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.

Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.

It can work that way for you too.