Tag: Transwomen

Posted on

You’re in great companies

If you’re a transamorous man, there are now 500 more reasons why you can come out of the closet with your trans-attraction.

More than 500 companies – 500! – are now leading the charge in support of LGBT rights, according to the Human Rights Campaign. These companies scored perfect 100 scores on HRC’s Corporate Equality Index. The scale is from 0, where a company is not seen as meeting any requirements of an inclusive workplace, to 100, considered the most welcoming. Wall-Mart has joined the list of over 500 companies earning a perfect 100 score.

Now I know how hard it is men to publicly own your trans-attraction. I know coming to terms with your love of transgender women is just as much a transition as transwomen go through to be who they really are. And, just like some transwomen, it may take decades for you to own up to this part of your true self.

So I’m not trying to push you to do something you’re not ready for. What I do encourage is consider how you’re feeling. Shame, embarrassment and fear are soul-crushing emotions. The feelings you’re having huddled in the closet result from stories you tell yourself about what it means being attracted to transwomen.

What it really means is this: you’re normal. That’s all. You’re part of the rich diversity that makes up human love. Any resistance to who you really are, coming from other people, is just your old stories about how you used to see yourself expressing themselves in your physical reality. The moment you begin telling yourself different stories about you, your transamory, transwomen and your desires, that’s the moment when the world around you will change for the better. You’ll feel better too. There are many men who have gone through this process, myself included. We know where you’re at.

More importantly, we know what is possible.

Over 500 corporations are speaking out for the normalcy of your desires. Time to count yourself among these great companies.

Posted on

I get the fear and don’t blame you

I get the fear that initially comes with transamory. I mean, if you’re a guy who hasn’t come to grips with your natural, normal attraction to transwomen, then that insecurity is sending off all kinds of signals. The likelihood you’d be ridiculed or disowned by your loved ones, made fun of by coworkers…or worse, is high.

But there’s a solution to that.

First, you have to realize there is nothing to fear. Your feelings are real. But once you understand what your feelings represent, it’s easy to get rid of the fear. Then you can step out of your self-imposed exile with confidence and verve…

There’s a beautiful world awaiting you. A world in which you can have your desires and be accepted by friends and family. But more important than that is the joy and freedom awaiting you. It’s just on the other side of the decision to stop letting society, friends, family and your own beliefs about how important these people are, keep you from having that joy and freedom.

I know what I’m saying because I was where you are. I had fear and hesitation about my romantic and sexual attraction to transwomen. I lived a quiet, secret life in addition to my normal “out” one. But it was when those two lives blended that things started happening really quick, things that supported exactly what I’m saying in this post.

Today, I’m living a pretty fabulous life, pursuing all my dreams, including my dream to be with a transgender partner. My wife knows about it, my work colleagues, my family, my friends. This website is a manifestation of what I’ve wanted to do since recognizing my own transamory. I’ve wanted to help the trans community in a unique way. This site, which I’ve created for you, but also for transwomen as you’ll see over its evolution, is my expression to have more of us guys show up in ways which support the people we love, thereby mainstreaming the notion that love of transgender people is natural and normal.

I believe one person can change the world. Every thing that has happened on the planet in terms of human society began with one person. That one person’s courageous action attracted others. As others joined, a movement began. From there, the rest is history.

I also believe each one of us transamorous men, in our own way, have a role to play in the gradual societal acceptance of transwomen as natural, normal people. It may be interacting with one transgender person on the street, treating that person like a human being. It may be dating a transgender person in a way that has her feel honored. It may be sticking up for all transgender people in a group of people who are being ignorant. It may also be stepping out on to the global stage and say “Hey, some girls are born with penises. Get over it.”

Whatever your role, it’s time to start performing it. Not trying to tell you what to do. I’m trying to explain to you that your happiness and freedom is directly tied to doing that thing, whatever it is. The sooner you go for that, the better you will feel.

It’s up to you to make the decision. No one is going to make it for you.

Posted on

Years of shame…melt away

Shame“Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”

I love it when a guy realizes he doesn’t have to live in the shadows of shame, misery and stress. Last week the following email, from a man who found our blog, landed in my inbox:

 

First of all, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your positive energy, your bravery and your passion in putting together this website. I’ve come out to family and friends in the past 6 months as trans-amorous, as a result of self-reflection and digesting articles and videos that affirmed my experience. I am grateful for internet resources such as yours, because although I had talked to certain friends and therapists for many years about this attraction, people had given me well-meaning, but ultimately damaging advice, essentially fetishizing and marginalizing the attraction.

One article in particular (I wish I could remember what it was!) highlighted that when we treat attracted to trans people as a paraphilia, it implies that men who are attracted to trans women are either 1) closeted gay (which made no sense to me) or 2) have something wrong with them, which means that trans women are implicitly unloveable! That hit me really hard and made me realize that these views are extremely destructive both to cis people like myself and to trans people.

Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life. I’ve started to connect to the trans and queer communities and have befriended a couple of trans people, and been on a few normal dates with trans women, although online dating hasn’t really been ideal so far. I just purchased the your book, and am really excited to gain some insights… Perhaps I’ll learn something by looking at it as well. Anyways, I really appreciate what you’re doing and hope to connect at some point. I’ve considered putting myself out there more online/ perhaps creating some videos or similar content, and your website is inspiring me in such a way. Perhaps I can help others avoid the years of suffering I went through.

More men realize their attraction to transgender women is normal, healthy and natural. I suspect we’re going to get more of these kinds of emails in the future.

I talked with “John” about online dating and how sucky it is. We agreed there has to be a better way. And there is. The first step is getting happy. You get happy by telling stories that make you feel good. From there, the Universe takes care of the rest. I’m eager to keep talking with “John” as we all continue down this road of transition.

Posted on

Straight men come in all shapes and sizes

L0058938 Set of 50 artificial glass eyes, all shapes and sizes, by E.
Like an eyeball, you’re unique. Be you.

Especially the ones who like transgender women. For as many kinds of transgender women, there are kinds of men who would love to be with them. I guarantee that. Even those transwomen who are bitter, angry, pains-in-the-ass find matches. Although initially, those transwomen may not like who they match with. Eventually though, even they will find nice guys who will love them.

I’ve had conversations with my transwomen friends and I’ve heard the stories. Men: You’re not alone loving transwomen whether your preferences are for pre-op transwomen, post-op transwomen, trans women who like to top, who bottom or who are vers. Many transwomen I’ve spoken with have eye-opening experiences. The guys they find interested in them, and the things those guys are willing to do behind closed doors shows how much some straight men want to be with transwomen.

Some of the women also said that if some of these guys, just some of them, were willing to tell society to “kiss my ass” and just go for what they want, in the open, the world (for both transwomen and society as a whole) would be a better place.

I agree. What is it about the world outside our heads that has us so afraid of it?

What is it, guys, that has you afraid to confront the fact that you’re not gay just because you are attracted to this particular kind of WOMAN? The real question here isn’t “is she really a woman?” because the answer to that question is “yes”. The real question is “why are you letting other people tell you who you should or should not be attracted to?”

That’s the real question. The sooner you answer that question with “I’m not”, the happier you’ll be. Not only that. The longer you live your life from what you say is right for you, the sooner those people trying to tell you how to live your life will stop doing that.

Your freedom lies in owning who you are. No matter what kind of man you are, you are ok. You deserve your happiness. You deserve what you’re wanting. So go for it. Be you.

When you do, your whole world will change to support you. It won’t be over night. But it will be worth the wait. I can promise you that.

Posted on

Happiness is a choice

Happiness is a choiceBelieve it or not, you can choose to be happy. When you do, amazing things happen for you. This week on IN YOUR FACE, Episode 5  we’ll be talking about happiness as a choice. It’s an important conversation.

The happier you are the better your life is going to go. If your life seems like a struggle now, your life can be happy, fun and easy. We’re not kidding you. The moment you choose to be happy, you will begin building momentum and things will just fall in place. Including the man or transwoman you want, and everything else you think you need to be happy.

Tune in on Monday, January 16 at 7:30 p.m. on The Transamorous Network’s Facebook Live Show IN YOUR FACE!