Real transwomen don’t top



Some holier than thou transwomen out there claim a “real transwoman” would never top because “real transwomen” (who, presumably are WOMEN, and by that definition would hate their penis) abhor the idea of “that” between their legs. Of course, there are transwomen like that in the world. There’s great diversity on Earth. You can find evidence of ANY STORY. That’s why there are PLENTY of transwomen who LOVE to top! Just because they do doesn’t make them a REAL WOMAN.

Did you know cis-women have LOVED topping men for as long as there have been sex toys? The sex industry makes millions of dollars from men who loved to be fucked by women and women who thoroughly enjoy fucking them. Are these women not women just because the strap on a fake penis and go to town on a guy’s ass?

Of course not.

I find it COMPLETELY BIZARRE that a transwoman, having gone through the struggle of finding acceptance for who they really are, would then look down her nose at another transwoman who is just trying to be herself (and express that self-hood by topping her man). In a bizzaro-version of reality, transwomen adopt a hetero-normative meme and then use it to shame other transwomen (and men who want such transwomen) who have the story that “topping is fun, normal, sexually satisfying and part of who I am.”

Stories are powerful things. If you’re a transwoman who believes ALL transwomen must be bottoms, that’s great. It’s your story. It relates to YOUR reality. Don’t use your story to condemn other people – men and women – who are wanting to create THEIR reality with THEIR stories.

Men: You want what you want and what you want is good. You want a transgender woman who will enjoy topping you, but feel bad, shame, worry or fear about it? Schedule a FREE 1:1 session with Perry and talk about it!

23 Replies to “Real transwomen don’t top”

  1. I think I just want to be loved for me and feel like I matter to someone. I have been invisible to the women I had been drawn to and treated like trash by those that I did have relationships with. I did meet a transwoma that I was very attracted to more than physically but the fear of being penetrated again (I’m a survivor of molestation) caused me to flee when the time came to get physical. I’ve been in doomed relationships ever since. I feel I missed out on a chance to be happy with someone. I guess fear and dogma have a lot to do with why so many shy from these relationships. I’d try again with a transwoman if she made me feel safe in the relationship. I love feminine bodies but have grown weary of ciswomen’s mind games. Which, I’m sure, makes me an asshole. We’ll.. that’s my rant.

  2. How are they women if they use their dicks?? 😂😂😂 That’s fucking insane bro. If I was with a transwoman, she wouldn’t ever be allowed to even think she could try that on me. I could go along with the whole narrative of them being women and treat them like women, but the moment you try to pull that shit out to penetrate– no matter what you say, you ain’t a woman anymore. I give no fucks. Any man being submissive is not masculine.

  3. Thank you for this post! It was really helpful for me to read it because it’s a problem for me. I don’t need to be topped but I am sub in bed with transwomen, but almost all of my sexual experience has been with professionals. My experience is that about 80-90% of the trans escorts you meet are bottoms. However, among the others I have had a great time and they don’t seem fake or insincere to me. When looking this topic up on a reddit thread I saw that a lot of transwomen were expressing very pejorative views of sub men or men who like to be topped, which as you brilliantly point out, is just reverse heteronormativity. You girls should really be ashamed of that! Several posts said that men who liked to be topped are: 1) gay and can’t face up to it, or 2) had their minds warped by porn. I call Bullshit! I’m sure I’m like a lot of guys who wondered if their attraction to transwomen didn’t mean they were gay. I’ve discussed this with trangirls when I’m in bed with them, and they all have told me that it’s the oldest story in the book, tons of guys express that fear — and the girls aren’t buying it. They always tell me, you’re not gay because you like transwomen! Even if you like to be topped! I once told a girl I’d even gone to a gay bar to see if there was something that I was missing. The girl correctly guessed – “I bet you felt really uncomfortable like you didn’t fit in.” Exactly right. I’m not at all against being gay but I’m just not attracted to penises that are attached to men. I’ve really enjoyed being topped by girls and it wasn’t because I’d seen porn. It’s just my sexual orientation, damn it. I don’t need to be topped, but I do need the girl to be functional and to enjoy receiving oral, and if that isn’t there, we’re just wasting our time. I had a brief relationship with a transgirl who was a sub and even though we liked each other the sexual incompatibility made it impossible to continue. There is a vers pro girl I have a huge crush on and I’ve done everything to try to have a relationship with her because I never tire of sex with her, but she’s not interested. I never shared my interest in transgirls with my last cis partner, who I deeply loved, and I think it’s one of the reasons we broke up. At this point, I feel like I’ve traded love for sex because I just couldn’t help myself. I really miss being in love and there are so few compatible transgirls out there that I don’t think I’ll be able to bring sex and love together. I’m kind of resigned to the constraints of my sexual orientation, there will probably be a good amount of exciting sex in my future, but the outlook for long term love-sex relationship seems pretty dim.

    1. Hey Bill,
      Thanks for your comment. So much of what you say sounds like what others who come here say. You’re for sure not alone in your beliefs, convictions or experience. Glad the post was helpful. A key component of your comment really resonates. That is, there’s a difference between a penis attached to a transwoman and a penis attached to a man. I understand people not getting this. It’s not their attraction. In time your feelings/attractions will be verified: you’re normal. Just like any other guy

      There is a lot of reverse hating going on by transgender women. I call it reverse hating because in their revulsion of men like us, they are expressing hatred for what some of them are (pre-operative or non-operative women). Thankfully, a highly visible trans actress from the television show “pose” is making the case that you and I already know: some girls have penises and that’s ok AND some guys love those kinds of girls.

      I would like to offer you something. If you’ve listened to or read our content, then you know we talk a lot about “stories”. You’re telling yourself several powerful stories which are preventing you from getting what you want and leaving you dissatisfied. Bill! You can have EVERYTHING YOU WANT. But…

      When you say ” I feel like I’ve traded love for sex because I just couldn’t help myself. ” or “I really miss being in love and there are so few compatible transgirls out there that I don’t think I’ll be able to bring sex and love together.” or ” I’m kind of resigned to the constraints of my sexual orientation, there will probably be a good amount of exciting sex in my future, but the outlook for long term love-sex relationship seems pretty dim.” these are super-powerful stories you’re telling. Those stories are shaping your experience.

      But they don’t have to man!

      Thanks for writing. You are helping other guys who come here wanting to understand who they are. Peace!


      PS – going to send this here on the site, and in an email. Let me know please which one you receive, or if you get both (a notification of this comment from the website, an email, or both.)

  4. i am most attracted to trangirls that like to top and specifically if she is gorgeous and hung. i feel kind of bad about this because i dont want to hurt her feeling if she is not like that and i dont want her to think i objectify her. i cant help i am so attracted ro beautiful women who have some size. how can i meet women who are into topping men?

    1. It is not hard to meet any transgender woman you want. All you need to do is examine and edit your stories so that you’re aligned with the idea of meeting her, then following your impulses until they connected you. Your stories matter. They create your experience.

  5. Trans oriented guy here. The most important lesson I learned (that took me longer than it should have) was that it is important to understand your partner’s preferences and desires, but EQUALLY important to communicate how you feel to them as well. I was so afraid in my first relationship to tell my partner that I enjoyed being vers from time to time because I ASSUMED that when she said she didn’t like anything other than bottoming, I should just do what i ASSUMED she wanted and not bring up my own needs/desires. She never got to know the real me, and consequently i never got to know the real her. Later I learned that even with differences in sexual needs, there is always a way for both people to share pleasure with each other, if you don’t get too wrapped up in the ‘how’ or labels. You can’t build trust by hiding things from your partner, and in the end there’s simply nothing wrong with each person deciding they aren’t compatible with each other if compromises can’t be found. But better to be as upfront as you can before it becomes deception. Everyone is different and that’s ok!

  6. I think the point behind being a trans is that you are who you want to be. The concept of “real woman” can be taken literally–sure, but there’s also a nuance in gender. What you feel you are. it doesn’t matter if you are a top or bottom. It’s all about your personality and desire. To be honest I think you can part relations with the idea of “real woman” altogether with the preference of top or bottom.

    There are dominant people out there, who enjoy the position of top, and still feel like a woman. There are submissive people who enjoy that position, and still feel like a man. People can identify as they are, and you’ll still see chips fall to all sorts of categories.

    The sooner we come to accept this diversity, the better off we are to understand the hows and whys.

  7. To be honest it’s perfectly fine if you want to top guys but would you be supportive of guys that don’t want to be topped? I mean maybe it’s just me but it feels a little hypocritical we have a culture that says that men who are topped are gay, but somehow having no desire to be topped means they are homophobic or somehow missing something or should just take it. If Trans Women don’t want to be used for their bodies I think it’s perfectly acceptable for cis and trans men not wanting to be used for their bodies.

    1. Hey Lord!
      We’re not sure what you saying here. Are you saying society says it’s ok for men to want to be topped, but if they don’t society says they’re homophobic? We don’t think anyone wants to be used for their bodies, unless, that is their kink, of course. So we think we have agreement there. But we’re not sure of the point you’re making about topping/not topping. Could you please clarify?

  8. As a preop transwoman who wants to stay that way I find your website and opinion quite disturbing. So you are a “real woman” because you decided to have a fake vagina? C’mon!!!

    1. I’m pretty sure you have misread this post. This post is arguing in YOUR FAVOR Lin. And it’s saying transwomen who think women (like you) aren’t women is not only ridiculous, it’s hypocritical. Wanna give it another read?

  9. Why dress up femine if your gonna top guys why not stay a gay male like if you gonna dress feminine you better bottom end of the story thats just insane

    1. Because transgender women aren’t gay males? What do you say about a cis-gender woman who tops guys? What should she do if she likes fucking a guy? I don’t think you’re thinking this through…..

        1. And yet, there are a LOT of men accepting it LOL and a LOT of women willing to give it! So it may not be acceptable to you, but thankfully, the world is a highly diverse place. There’s room for everyone!

  10. This really gets to the main problem facing humanity – our seemingly irresistible urge to judge others (and ourselves). Whatever happened to judge not lest ye be judged? Or let whoever is without sin cast the first stone? People – they’re the worst!

    1. We think so often about that bible quote. (Teasingly) it’s ironic that you end your comment with a judgement. 🙂

      But people can’t help judge. That’s how they know what they want and what they don’t. From there they can choose what reality to create. Trouble results when they choose to put their nose in other people’s stories. We think that’s what you’re talking about. Yes?

      People – they are the best! They remind us to examine ourselves so we can be our best…not our worst!

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