Real transwomen don’t top

pegging

Bullshit.

Some holier than thou transwomen out there claim a “real transwoman” would never top because “real transwomen” (who, presumably are WOMEN, and by that definition would hate their penis) abhor the idea of “that” between their legs. Of course, there are transwomen like that in the world. There’s great diversity on Earth. You can find evidence of ANY STORY. That’s why there are PLENTY of transwomen who LOVE to top! Just because they do doesn’t make them a REAL WOMAN.

Did you know cis-women have LOVED topping men for as long as there have been sex toys? The sex industry makes millions of dollars from men who loved to be fucked by women and women who thoroughly enjoy fucking them. Are these women not women just because the strap on a fake penis and go to town on a guy’s ass?

Of course not.

I find it COMPLETELY BIZARRE that a transwoman, having gone through the struggle of finding acceptance for who they really are, would then look down her nose at another transwoman who is just trying to be herself (and express that self-hood by topping her man). In a bizzaro-version of reality, transwomen adopt a hetero-normative meme and then use it to shame other transwomen (and men who want such transwomen) who have the story that “topping is fun, normal, sexually satisfying and part of who I am.”

Stories are powerful things. If you’re a transwoman who believes ALL transwomen must be bottoms, that’s great. It’s your story. It relates to YOUR reality. Don’t use your story to condemn other people – men and women – who are wanting to create THEIR reality with THEIR stories.

 

 

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Also published on Medium.

16 comments on “Real transwomen don’t top
  1. Pete says:

    Trans oriented guy here. The most important lesson I learned (that took me longer than it should have) was that it is important to understand your partner’s preferences and desires, but EQUALLY important to communicate how you feel to them as well. I was so afraid in my first relationship to tell my partner that I enjoyed being vers from time to time because I ASSUMED that when she said she didn’t like anything other than bottoming, I should just do what i ASSUMED she wanted and not bring up my own needs/desires. She never got to know the real me, and consequently i never got to know the real her. Later I learned that even with differences in sexual needs, there is always a way for both people to share pleasure with each other, if you don’t get too wrapped up in the ‘how’ or labels. You can’t build trust by hiding things from your partner, and in the end there’s simply nothing wrong with each person deciding they aren’t compatible with each other if compromises can’t be found. But better to be as upfront as you can before it becomes deception. Everyone is different and that’s ok!

  2. Essel says:

    I think the point behind being a trans is that you are who you want to be. The concept of “real woman” can be taken literally–sure, but there’s also a nuance in gender. What you feel you are. it doesn’t matter if you are a top or bottom. It’s all about your personality and desire. To be honest I think you can part relations with the idea of “real woman” altogether with the preference of top or bottom.

    There are dominant people out there, who enjoy the position of top, and still feel like a woman. There are submissive people who enjoy that position, and still feel like a man. People can identify as they are, and you’ll still see chips fall to all sorts of categories.

    The sooner we come to accept this diversity, the better off we are to understand the hows and whys.

  3. Lord Lady says:

    To be honest it’s perfectly fine if you want to top guys but would you be supportive of guys that don’t want to be topped? I mean maybe it’s just me but it feels a little hypocritical we have a culture that says that men who are topped are gay, but somehow having no desire to be topped means they are homophobic or somehow missing something or should just take it. If Trans Women don’t want to be used for their bodies I think it’s perfectly acceptable for cis and trans men not wanting to be used for their bodies.

    • Perry Gruber says:

      Hey Lord!
      We’re not sure what you saying here. Are you saying society says it’s ok for men to want to be topped, but if they don’t society says they’re homophobic? We don’t think anyone wants to be used for their bodies, unless, that is their kink, of course. So we think we have agreement there. But we’re not sure of the point you’re making about topping/not topping. Could you please clarify?

  4. Lin Kazama says:

    As a preop transwoman who wants to stay that way I find your website and opinion quite disturbing. So you are a “real woman” because you decided to have a fake vagina? C’mon!!!

    • Perry Gruber says:

      I’m pretty sure you have misread this post. This post is arguing in YOUR FAVOR Lin. And it’s saying transwomen who think women (like you) aren’t women is not only ridiculous, it’s hypocritical. Wanna give it another read?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Why dress up femine if your gonna top guys why not stay a gay male like if you gonna dress feminine you better bottom end of the story thats just insane

  6. John Smith says:

    This really gets to the main problem facing humanity – our seemingly irresistible urge to judge others (and ourselves). Whatever happened to judge not lest ye be judged? Or let whoever is without sin cast the first stone? People – they’re the worst!

    • Perry Gruber says:

      We think so often about that bible quote. (Teasingly) it’s ironic that you end your comment with a judgement. 🙂

      But people can’t help judge. That’s how they know what they want and what they don’t. From there they can choose what reality to create. Trouble results when they choose to put their nose in other people’s stories. We think that’s what you’re talking about. Yes?

      People – they are the best! They remind us to examine ourselves so we can be our best…not our worst!

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