Everything and everyone enjoys a oneness which, when telling positive stories, gets confirmed in delightful ways. Tuning ones self through positive storytelling practices, more such delights reveal themselves.
I like when this happens. It confirms what I know. The more it happens, the more confirmation I get. This blog celebrates such confirmations. Sharing what I know amplifies my awareness. It heightens my sensitivity. So I see more such experiences. More such experiences creates positive realities we talk about at The Transamorous Network.
Since I practice what we teach, my life includes many examples proving that statement. It includes so many examples, I find life joyful and I find me deserving. In that deservedness, I relax into grace. In that grace, life gets really good.
Because in grace, in that relaxing perspective, I see my desires fulfill themselves. I walk in perpetual bliss, knowing all works out in my eternity. Standing in that, evidence of my blessedness reveals itself to me near constantly.
One way that happens involves examples proving we all are one. They happen all the time in everyone’s life. But often, they get called coincidence. They show up and people feel them. But they pass them off, ignore them, or see them, but disregard the message. That’s why so many lives fall short of people’s expectations.
Virtuous upward spiral of great good
All That Is shows itself in billions of little things. Little happenings people ignore in their busy, nose-to-the-grindstone lives. But when someone stops and focuses on such little things, they begin something wonderful.
In giving attention to them, they exalt them for the joyful All That Is expression they represent. In that exaltation they open themselves to bigger things.
Before long, what they want starts showing up too. Fulfilled desires show themselves and their recipients understand their worthiness. That’s why recognizing these little things carries such weight.
In their acknowledgment sparks the virtuous spiral leading not only to self-fulfilling desires, but to joyful lives.
So every chance I get I exalt these little happenings for what they are: gracious, loving expressions created by All That Is just for me.
Two examples back to back
Two such happenings showed themselves in the same day recently. On Thursdays in summer, when days fill with warm temperatures, clear, blue skies and most people confine themselves in temperature-controlled offices, I ride my bike to the beach.
There I set up a shelter, blanket and chair. I take my computer, phone, creature comforts such as water and food and a good read with me. Typically I spend nearly all day there, marveling at my leisure life and earth’s abundant beauty.
One Thursday I invited a friend. She owns no bike so we agreed she’d meet me there. Knowing we’d need more water, I asked if she’d swing by my place and grab an extra bottle I left on the porch just before I started my bike journey. She said yes.
The ride to the beach I enjoy includes a 14 mile one-way trek. Sometimes I take potty breaks along the way. Especially if I’ve had a lot of water. So nothing unusual occurred to me when I pulled up to a port-a-potty in a park about a quarter of the way to the beach. I rested my bike on the port-a-potty’s back wall, went inside and did my business.
Me mugging for the camera in front of the port-a-potty I just used.
While exiting the John, I got an impulse. It said at that moment “text your housemates. Let them know why a bottle of water is on the porch.”
All That Is coordinates just for me
So I did so. I texted my housemates, told them about the bottle and got ready to continue my ride.
But one of my housemates texted back immediately. Here’s a screen shot of my text and what she wrote in reply. Then my acknowledgment of what happened.
A housemate and I communicating in synch with the Universe and me celebrating that oneness.
My housemate didn’t catch what I saw. Or maybe she ignored how significant the experience was. I didn’t ignore it, obviously. Instead, I reveled in it because I knew All That Is, my Inner Being and the Universe coordinated that exchange just for me.
I do love it when such things happen. Every time they do, I amplify the experience by acknowledging it, celebrating it and then replaying the experience over and over. That way, I prepare myself for future such experiences.
Which is exactly what happened later that day.
More blessedness evidence
I enjoyed my day with my friend at the beach. We talked about our spiritual practices and watched Osprey play in the sky. She got sunburned. I got to eat her fruit. She brought more than she could eat but we had plenty of water. 😊
My bike ride home left me happy and well-exercised. Summer days last well into the evening, so when I got home at around 9 p.m., the sun hung low in the sky. As it set and time to button up the house approached, I got the impulse to do something one of my housemates typically does.
Each evening we close up part of the house so we aren’t disturbed by people using that room. It requires closing the doors to that room.
My impulse said “go upstairs and close the doors.”
I typically, but not always, follow my impulses immediately and encourage my clients do the same as well. Doing that puts one in synch with the reason one gets an impulse. That way one rendezvous with manifestations coordinated on one’s behalf. The Universe blesses all of us all day, every day this way. That’s why tuning one’s self to hear impulses carries so much importance.
After all, if you can’t hear the impulse to act, how can you follow it?
A second awesome outcome
My room takes up half the basement space. I started walking through the other part of the basement and up the stairs when a message notification pinged on my phone. I checked the phone. Nick, another of my housemates sent a text. Here’s our exchange:
I didn’t text back my excitement at receiving Nick’s text. But I recognized the synchronicity. I received an impulse moments before he texted what he was unable to do. You can bet I was excited. Two times in the same day! Awesome!
If we let it in, we will see the universe constantly shows us how it loves us, has its gaze upon us and wants us to know that. It always communicates how blessed we are.
But if we don’t let it in, such evidence goes unnoticed. Or acknowledged as coincidence, something far less grand than what’s actually happening.
Telling positive stories tunes me in so I see these events as they are: beautiful evidence of my blessedness. More such events happen these days, showing me I’m riding that upward spiral to more and greater outcomes. Outcomes aligned with my fulfilling desire. Including meeting that romantic partner I’m becoming a match to.
I’m excited for more evidence that I’m at one with All That Is.
Online dating seems like the way everyone meets their match these days. But the best, most fun way to meet your match if you’re transgender or trans-attracted happens not through online dating. It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part.
It’s surprising how few people actually use online dating. It’s not as many as you think. And, according to general opinion, results people get from online dating, on average, show online dating performs about as well as meeting people through other methods.
In this post, we’re going explain why we don’t encourage finding romantic partners through online dating. Then we’ll explain how being happy works better. In fact, its success rate is 100 percent. Then we’ll explain why being happy enjoys such a perfect success rate.
When it comes to online dating, we’re not just giving our opinion. We’re sharing opinions from over 4,000 online daters. Pew Research interviewed these people then wrote a report called “The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating.” Numbers shared in this post come from Pew’s survey data report.
Let’s get right to it.
The good news
It’s no surprise that online daters trend younger. What did surprise us is Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) online dating usage exceeds other groups. LGB community members use online dating at much higher rates than any other population.
It’s fair to say then, that higher percentages of people dating online also are LGB. It’s also safe to say LGB folks (and we’ll include “T” folks too as well as Trans-attracted people) experience less desirable online dating results more often. That’s because more LGB people use online dating.
Full disclosure: at least one of our Transamorous Network clients finds online dating helpful. But two others traded online dating for the approach we recommend at the end of this post, and for good reasons.
Online dating gets hyped, which is why so many people use it to try to find a partner. (Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash)
Over the years, more people, generally, turned to online dating. Increases in online dating probably reflect increased communication about online dating and the availability of it. An online dating platform exists for virtually any persuasion, interest, hobby or characteristic. That plus relatively inexpensive membership costs, make online dating quite alluring.
Add to that the fact that online dating is a for-profit business model with investors making money off your loneliness, you can bet investors will spend a lot of money getting you to subscribe. So seeing online dating opportunity everywhere should not surprise you.
Furthermore, people’s increasingly busy lives, their intense desire for finding a partner, especially young people, and perhaps people’s dissatisfaction finding partners in other ways, caused large jumps in online dating participation over the last decade or so.
Still, that doesn’t mean a lot of people date online. Pew says only 30 percent of Americans use online dating. Now, 30 percent of 300 million people is a lot. But relative to the whole, it’s not.
How do they fare?
Of that 30 percent, less than half (12 percent) reported they had a committed relationship or married someone they met online. That means 88 percent of people who use online dating don’t end up in committed relationships or marriage with someone they met online.
We mentioned above that a lot of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) people use online dating. Over half (55 percent) of LGB people try finding mates this way, with a large number of 18-29 year olds (48 percent) doing so as well. According to Pew, both groups report higher success finding partners. Twenty percent of both young people and LGB people say they married or had committed relationships with someone they met online.
But that still leaves 80 percentof both groups who did not.
So how successful online dating can be depends on many factors. But no matter the factors, we’d say an 80 percent failure rate is not a successful dating method.
Combined with problems online dating comes with, which we’ll share momentarily, one would think no one would go for the hype. Could it be online dating success gets way overblown? Or do other reasons compel people to online dating sites?
People use online dating for different reasons, many of which seem quite reasonable. (Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash)
People report reasonable causes for using online dating.
Many report online dating offers a wider pool of potential partners. Some say they can screen people ahead of time, thereby eliminating obvious not-matches. Others say it’s just easier. Many appreciate online dating’s perceived low costs. Online dating, others say, also offers like-minded people opportunities to meet.
The Pew report adds: “Relatively small shares [of people] argue that online dating has had a mostly positive effect because it is a more efficient way of meeting people, is a better alternative to more traditional ways of meeting, helps people who have trouble meeting others or is a safer way of meeting people.”
So online dating does seem to offer good usage cases. But let’s look at some downsides people report.
Online dating isn’t fun
Pew says “There is a stronger consensus among respondents who believe dating sites and apps have had a mostly negative effect.”
Various forms of dishonesty – ranging from people embellishing the truth to outright scams exist on these sites. Some respondents say online dating makes courtship more like an assembly line process. It takes romance and spontaneity out of dating and eliminates more meaningful and deeper connections. Minorities often report finding online dating more difficult than non-minorities.
Participants often say people don’t act like themselves online. No one is actually getting to really know each other, they say, and communication is flawed from the beginning. They also say “swipe mentality” and a constant influx of new “inventory” causes more superficial reactions to profiles rather than meaningful connection between people.
Online dating apps frequently leave people feeling frustrated and hopeless. Yet, people still use them. Go figure. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
Reports show people often swing way out of their league too. They go after people far more attractive, successful or otherwise beyond their “class” so to speak. This often leads to frustration and disappointment.
It’s no wonder then that wide margins of users report negative online dating experiences. Nearly half (45 percent) said online dating leaves them more frustrated than hopeful. Sixty percent of female users report receiving harassing behavior. Some even say online dating fosters superficial hook-up behavior over deeper, longer-lasting relationships. A few even say online dating isn’t safe.
So generally, while online dating success happens for a few, far more users experience many downsides, including failure and frustration dating online.
It’s just not fun wading through profiles day-in and day-out. Doing so leads to isolation, despondency and even anxiety for many. Success comes to very few.
Why it doesn’t work
Online dating fails an 80 percent of the time.
Would you drive a car that breaks down and can’t get you to work 80 percent of the time? Certainly you wouldn’t work someplace where 80 percent of the time you wouldn’t get paid, would you? Would you buy a plane ticket from an airline whose planes crashed 80 percent of the time? Would you date someone who lied to you 80 percent of the time?
Of course you would do none of these things. Yet so many people hope to find a match through a process that fails 80 of the time. Isn’t that interesting? A more interesting question: why does it fail so often?
The short answer: because online dating can’t overcome stories people tell themselves. Your stories create your reality. What that means: if you think, for example, that you can’t find a man who will love you for who you are, no online dating platform can bring you a man who will love you for who you are. Instead, you’ll get results like this person, every time:
A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.
Let’s say you believe transgender women are attractive, sexy and someone you want to be with. But you also believe you might be gay because of your attraction. Or that your friends will humiliate you should they find our. Or you believe your religion says your attraction means you’ll go to hell. A dating site will will only match you with transgender women whose beliefs match yours. Meaning, you will meet transgender women who themselves harbor insecurities, fears, self loathing, unworthiness, and they will act from those feelings.
You see, it doesn’t matter what external tool you try using. That’s because your thoughts – about you, about your partner, about life in general – dominate. They create your experience.
Dating failure starts in the head
Think about it. Here I am in front of my computer. I worked all day at a job I don’t like. I come home, I’m tired. Because I’m tired, I don’t think about what or how I’m thinking. So my thoughts wander. I think about my empty apartment, how quiet it is. I decide I don’t like that. Then I remember that story my friend told me about how she met someone who turned out to be an asshole. I don’t like that either.
Men are scum, I say out loud. It’s my common refrain.
Then I think about how lonely I feel. At 35, time’s running out for me. My last relationship was three years ago. It ended ugly. So now, in this gaggle of disempowering thoughts/stories, I open Match.com or OKCupid and…
What do you think I’m a match to? A successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed?
OF COURSE I’M NOT!
Why on earth would I expect a dating app to match me with that kind of person?
IT CAN’T!
Finding lasting love can and does happen. In every case it happens by becoming a match to it. Are you really a match to the person you’re looking for? Most aren’t, which is why they fail. (Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash)
And even if it did, should I try communicating with that person, my insecurity, loneliness and desperation would speak more loudly than any words on a computer screen! Or, that person will just pass up both my message and profile. He literally won’t see it because his stories draw to him matches to the confidence, happiness, fun and love he feels.
All anything in physical reality can do is respond to what you put out through your stories. Which means, if you want to meet your ideal match, you must become a match to that person.
How do you do that?
By changing how you think about life. By changing how you think about everything.
“Everything?” You say?
Yes, EVERYTHING!!!! 😂
Again, think about it
Think about that successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed. It’s highly unlikely that guy is on an online dating app.
Do you get that?
He’s out having fun. He’s hanging with his homies. Working late because he loves his job, he doesn’t have time for dating apps. This guy’s confidence attracts whoever he wants. That success he enjoys does too.
Since he’s comfortable with who he is, confident in his life and happy, he doesn’t feel lonely. Nor does he feel he needs a relationship. A relationship might add to life, but HE DOESN’T NEED ONE.
That handsome, fun, successful guy isn’t using online dating. He’s out living large and loving life. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)
You do though. And so you aren’t a match to this guy. Nor are you happy because you keep thinking about the relationship you don’t have, the one you badly want.
Same goes with a successful, happy, beautiful transgender woman, guys. If you pine for such a girl and open your computer to find one, she’s not going to be there because she doesn’t need it to find her match. Chances are, she’s not looking for a match anyway. Her life is full and she’s happy.
Transgender women and trans-attracted men must find a better approach. One that works 100 percent of the time. That approach starts with an internal examination.
The better approach
Yes, the better approach works 100 percent of the time. Here’s why. Read carefully, because this will trip you out.
There’s only one reason, the only, ultimate reason, people want a partner. People think it’s because they want children. Some think they want one for the company. Others say because they don’t want to be lonely. Some just want sex. Some believe it will make them “complete”.
But underneath all these superficial reasons (yes, they’re all superficial compared to the ultimate reason) lurks the one reason everyone wants a partner: because in having one, they feel better than they do without one.
That’s it? Yep. That’s it.
Being in love feels better than not. Being in a relationship, even in a not-so-good one, many will say, feels better than being alone. Having children, for some, feels great. Sex…well, you know.
The point is, relationship pursuit, at its core, happens because people everywhere look to relationships because they believe relationships make them happy.
The better approach, the one that works 100 percent of the time, is this: First, be happy. Cultivate a chronic, lasting happiness that’s unconditional. Do that and you don’t need a partner because…well…you’re already happy!
And here’s the sneaky part of the better approach, the thing you’re looking for: just like the ideal guy and the ideal trans woman described above, in being happy, you don’t need a relationship. And, paradoxically, when you don’t need one, the one you want shows up. Without you doing anything to get it.
It gives you everything you want
The thing is, everyone can easily beat bad results 80-90 percent of people get through online dating. We’re going to tell you how that approach works, but first we’re going to tell you why it’s the better approach.
Not only does it do all the work, not only does it work 100 percent of the time, it’s more fun. The better approach happens in your real life, not in a computer. Your life transforms before your eyes and as it does, you find life getting more and more interesting and enjoyable.
The approach that works 100 percent of the time starts with you. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)
Frustration doesn’t exist either. In time, happiness becomes your standard state. Frustration, anxiety, fear and insecurity disappear. In their absence, life flows easily towards your ideals.
People can’t scam or use you. They can’t because they can’t find you. Just like the happy guy described above isn’t a match to you when you’re cranky and alone, scammers and users can’t scam and use you if you’re not a match to their plans, can they?
With the better approach, you only meet your matches. Your pool of available matches increases infinitely using this approach…but.
You only need one guy or girl. Think about it. Unless you’re poly, do you really need a huge-ass candidate pool? Of course not. You’re looking for that one partner. The great thing about the better approach is there are many “one partners” and they’re the only ones you meet when using this approach.
Also, you’re already happy using the better approach! Relationships then become nice-to-haves. Not must haves.
And, when you do meet your match(es), it happens in fun and surprising ways. The better approach brings back the spice, the romance, the excitement that once existed in dating. Who doesn’t like being surprised?
Meanwhile the rest of your life gets better too. Literally everything you want comes to you the more you use this approach. Can online dating make that claim?
How it works
It seems like the approach would be complicated. It’s not. We show our clients how to use it and they get all the results stated above. That one client we said who still uses online dating? She’s learning how to use our approach while dating online. And while to us, that’s suboptimal, she’s having fun meeting all kinds of people.
But we think she’ll drop online dating once she really understands how the approach works.
You will too.
The approach works simply. Every experience you find yourself in, happens because you draw it to you. You’re like a magnet. Experiences act like metal. Which experiences you experience depends on what “magnetic attraction” you put out.
The approach described here happens all day every day for everyone, no exceptions. Any one can easily confirm it happening in their lives. One need only know how to see the signs.
Once a person activates their “magnetism” the way that attracts what they want, those things just come. If your “magnetism” is off, that what you get. Off stuff.
Your can’t control what comes after things start coming. The only control a person has is what kind of “magnetism” they put out. How does a person control what “magnetism” they put out?
Through thoughts they think.
We lied, it’s not simple
While it’s fun knowing specific details how thoughts determine that “magnetism”, you don’t need to know those details to leverage the approach. And it will still work 100 percent of the time.
All you need to do is examine what you’re thinking about everything you think about and gradually change all those thoughts to positive ones. Again, this process works 100 percent of the time. The cool thing is, the results show up at once. Waiting around isn’t necessary. You don’t need to wade through any profiles or even go on dates!
Feeling better is what everyone wants. It’s the reason everyone wants what they want. Including relationships. Get happy and watch how what you want comes easily.
In no time you’ll find yourself happy. “Happy” means you’re putting out the right “magnetism”. The key then is holding yourself in “happy” long enough to create a momentum or chronic happy state.
On the way to cultivating that state everything we wrote about in the “it gives you everything you want” section above happens.
Now think about that: standing in all that goodness coming your way and seeing it happen, aren’t you happy? You are. And in that happiness, do you really need a relationship? Not really. You may still want one and that’s fine.
100 percent success rate
The great news is, you’ve freed yourself from desperation, frustration, anxiety and every other feeling borne of negative thoughts. Thoughts that block you getting what you want.
In that freedom the relationship you want will come. One hundred percent guaranteed.
At The Transamorous Network we show people how this approach works. Those working with us get everything they want. But it doesn’t stop there. They discover how much fun life is, then they keep working with us because it’s super fun being around happy people who themselves enjoy life so much.
Online dating looks and feels convenient and easy. But with an 80 percent failure rate, we think that ease and convenience is not worth the cost. The best, most fun way to meet your match, if you’re transgender or trans-attracted, happens not through online dating.
It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part. Want to ask a question or give it a try? We’d love to hear from you.
Don’t be part of the 80 – 90 percent of people failing online. Find your happiness. Then, discover how easy it is being happy, and finding your true love.
Some trans-attracted…strike that…nearly every trans-attracted man struggles with patience. Transgender women do too. Because they struggle, their choices invite much pain and drama. Especially in relationships.
Or, they hide. And in their hiding, they lead minuscule lives compared to what they could live.
This post tells of a client learning how not to live that way. He still struggles though, because he hasn’t yet mastered how to live differently. He’s on his way though.
His story still contains value for transgender women and trans-attracted men striving for love. So I’m sharing it knowing it will help a lot of people.
“Jeffrey” came to The Transamorous Network 12 months ago. He struggled with dysphoria and trans-attraction, living authentically and finding love. Cis-women relationships never worked out and his life, as I said above, was very small.
What’s more, Christian beliefs kept him in a nearly continuous state of self-judging his desires and his life choices as wrong and bad. Those religious beliefs combined with equally disempowering beliefs adopted from his family upbringing. Latter beliefs made him feel financially responsible for his family, but at the same time resentful towards them when, in his opinion, they spent frivolously.
It doesn’t have to take long but often does
Jeffrey spent 11 of our 12 months together denying his unhappiness. He filled our time talking about lighthearted topics and tangents. All the while he avoided what he really wanted to talk about. Things such as his trans attraction, his sexual activity preferences and his discomfort in his religion.
Whenever I brought those up, he stammered, hesitated, went quiet or humorously changed the topic. I never pressured him because I knew he needed to build trust.
It doesn’t have to take 12 months to see progress so impressive clients double down on what they’re learning. But Jeffrey’s unworthiness, lack of deservedness, the belief that he is a sinner and condemned to going to hell because of what he feels and wants, made quick progress impossible.
For the average client, impressive evidence comes immediately. Once seen, clients eagerly progress. They create lives they love. Seeing that happen, they relax into their lives and lose that frantic “doing” mode born of impatience.
After all, when one sees their life improving at an incredible rate, when they feel better than before, relaxing becomes easy. They know, in time, they will have everything they want. That’s because they see evidence of everything becoming the way they want. Easily and effortlessly. Like the trans woman in this audio who also is a client:
Jeffrey wasn’t an average client though. So he struggled a long time. This included, as I said above, making choices that were not in his best interest, even though I frequently suggested he not make such choices.
Online dating: never the best way
One of those choices involved searching for his partner through online dating. Online dating, despite its popularity, brings many challenges. I’ve written about this before so I’m not going to go into those.
What I will say is, often, nearly always, online dating feels like drudgery, monotony and hard work. A person can’t possibly feel good wading through all those profiles, many of which overstate people’s strong points and skip over people’s baggage.
Now consider nearly everyone else on such sites feel similarly. And while a majority of online daters report positive experiences, nearly every match reflects that desperation. That may be why nearly half of people using such sites say their experiences leave them feeling frustrated.
Maybe that’s also why only 12 percent of online dating matches result in long term relationships or marriage. The figure is near double that for LGBTQ identified people. But 20 percent is still a small number.
Feelings making dating doubly tough
Like everyone else, Jeffrey’s desperation compounded with desolation. His last relationship, with a cis gender woman ended more than 20 years ago. He knew he wanted a transgender parter. But his stories about himself as a trans-attracted man and about transgender women made finding her difficult.
For example, he believes trans-attractive men use trans women as fetish objects. In other words, he does not believe his trans attraction is wholesome and natural. He also judges harshly his own desire for trans women who enjoy using their penises. Jeffrey’s religious beliefs played an important role in his struggles too. Such strong stories, with their accompanying condemnation, directly conflict with his desire.
All of these stories created within Jeffrey strong emotions, all of which told him something. But up until the 11th month, when he finally had what he thought was a good shot with a trans woman, Jeffrey did not understand what his emotions told him.
Insecurity, trepidation, anxiety, unworthiness, self-reproach, embarrassment, and shame boiled in him like a message cocktail. But he couldn’t decipher the messages.
Anytime someone feels such emotions, action should never top the “to do” list. A better approach involves addressing stories creating these emotional responses. Only then can one avoid drama created through stories creating those emotions. We talk about this all the time in The Transamorous Network material. Here’s our into video explaining our accurate premise:
Jeffrey meets his perfect match
As I said though, many men who find themselves attracted to transgender women struggle with impatience. Transgender women do too. Both parties don’t understand what we talk about at the The Transamorous Network. So instead of finding love they want, they instead try to “make” relationships happen while ignoring stories they tell keeping relationships they want from showing up.
That’s what nearly everybody does while using online dating sites. They double down on existing stories then get what such stories create.
No wonder so many online dating users experience frustration. 🤷🏽♂️
One day Jeffrey came to his session super happy. The dating site he used matched him with a transgender woman. I knew immediately this spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. He had done nothing about his stories. I knew she matched Jeffrey perfectly. But that wasn’t a good thing.
If you read everything up until this point, and you read other material from The Transamorous Network, you know everyone a person meets is a match to who they meet, the person they’re meeting matching who they’re being at that moment. So if a person doesn’t do anything about their stories, who they meet matches them perfectly, including disempowering stories they currently hold true for themselves.
Think about stories Jeffrey believed. Now just assume for the moment, what we say is true: you create your reality, including relationships, through stories you tell. If that’s true, and it is, you can guess how this new relationship went…
The honeymoon ended…quick
In session, Jeffrey shared things he liked about this person. Let’s call her “Alice”. He liked her extreme femininity. He adored how passable she looked. She said all the right things in text messages and phone calls. She had good employment as he does. Alice also enjoyed having and using her penis.
Needless to say, right away, they connected. And of course they would – they were a perfect match! Especially they’re stories!
Jeffrey raved about hours and hours they spent on phone calls and text message conversations. Such conversations became hours-long video calls. “We have to plan when we talk to each other because our talks last so long,” he once said excitedly.
Video calls turned into an in-person meetup. Alice and Jeffrey both felt excited. Jeffrey talked about it the session before they met.
While their date approached, Jeffrey felt insecurities surface. Valiantly he used what he learned in his sessions, which allowed Jeffrey a nice win:
Jeffrey using what he learned in his sessions to soothe negative stories.
Pain and drama: been there, done that
Then Jeffrey came to the session after his date excited and happy. It went very well. Too well, some might say. Instead of taking it slow, both he and Alice “went all in”, literally staying in the hotel room the entire weekend having sex.
Both reported enjoying their time together, according to Jeffrey. But not long after that eventful weekend, insecurities born of negative stories in both parties surfaced. Despite the reported wonderful time both enjoyed, their insecurities caused Jeffrey and Alice to interpret the weekend anew. It sounded like a different weekend altogether!
Alice accused Jeffrey of using her. Jeffrey worried out loud about Alice’s drinking and her tendency to try to force Jeffrey to drink more than he wanted. Alice felt Jeffrey judged her the whole weekend. Jeffrey felt angered because Alice at first put him on a pedestal but now had kicked that pedestal out from under him.
Jeffrey went even further in his worries. He wondered if her drinking and her blistering critique of certain American populations indicated a potential relationship red flag. Alice went further too, by blaming Jeffrey for taking time away from her GED studies!
In other words, both parties shared similar and complimentary negative stories. Stories which triggered negative interpretations about the other party. The honeymoon: over before it began.
Wonder what a perfect match looks like when a person doesn’t attend to their negative stories? Here you go:
Jeffrey doubling down on disempowering stories. Stories about himself, about transgender women, and about Alice.
It gets worse before it gets better
Days later, Jeffrey wanted to cancel his session. Things turned worse for him and for he and Alice. The unraveling relationship triggered other stories Jeffrey has about himself and relationships, stories he thought he resolved long ago. I encouraged continuing with the session knowing it would do him good.
Jeffrey wanting to bail, then realizing a new approach.
Jeffrey didn’t realize it, but this experience offered tons of opportunity. Hopefully you see the opportunity. Not only did his relationship show him how his stories created the match he experienced with Alice, it also surfaced other stories he has about himself. Stories he absolutely MUST change if he wants a relationship that lasts.
We touched on this in our next text exchange:
Not long after this exchange, the after our session, Jeffrey’s mood improved. Out of that improvement he saw more clearly how his stories created everything he experienced. I wasn’t shocked, but at the same time I was. Here he had a roller coaster relationship, lasting less than a month and he learned so much.
Weeks after Alice and Jeffrey stopped talking altogether, Jeffrey confided that he would no longer use dating websites. He also resolved to double down on his practice through The Transamorous Network. This experience, he said, showed him with no doubt how his persistent stories created everything he experienced with Alice. He also saw how her stories did the same for her and how both their stories created their mutual experience.
Moving forward in his power
Today Jeffrey confidently comes to each session transformed. He’s more upfront and clear about his stories, especially about what he enjoys and what he wants in a relationship. This clarity also spills into his other life areas, just as we promise the work does.
The Transamorous Network invites people to look at a new way of creating their relationships. That new way includes more power and capability than doing it the way everyone else does.
But this new way works on all life areas, not just on relationships. That’s why clients report their entire lives get better in addition to getting new perspectives on relationships they want. Impatience disappears and in its place comes certainty, self-love and clarity about one’s power in life.
From there, and only there, can someone create a relationship worth having. That’s what we want for all trans-attracted men and transgender women. For in transforming what’s possible for these two groups in the realm of relationships, entire lives also transforms for the better.
I created an awesome blessing last night (at the time of writing this). I listened to my inner guidance coming from my positive stories and discovered joy at the end of that journey. It was the most clear demonstration of what we say is possible at The Transamorous Network.
We say stories create reality and any story told often enough will create reality consistent with it. In addition to telling the story though, the story teller must also tune into impulses they receive, then act on them.
What do those impulses sound like? It depends on the listener.
How does one hear them? That question carries more weight than the former.
A client answered that second question during his Client session recently. He did so using a colorful analogy:
“In New Mexico, where I’m from,” he began. “We have massive hot air balloon festivals. Huge balloons of all shapes and sizes and colors fill the sky.”
Apparently these brightly colored rubber sacks come shaped like stage coaches, animals, houses and more. These festivals draw such balloons from miles around.
“When these balloons start out they stand where they are, in New Mexico,” my client said. “As they rise, they go straight up into the air, but they’re still in New Mexico.”
Some crazy balloon types filling aerial balloon festivals.
The stream carries them to their dream
But then they hit the air stream high above the ground, he said. The air stream carries each balloon on journeys fulfilling their purpose. The balloonists have a general idea where they’re going, but little control. My client made the connection:
“I see when I raise my perspective through telling positive stories, I feel better about where I am. My spirit rises, I connect with my Inner Being stream and my Inner Being stream carries me to the next wonderful place. Just like balloons get carried by the airstream.”
“I don’t know what that journey looks like,” He added. “But I do know the view will be beautiful, the journey joyful and when I land, I won’t be in New Mexico anymore.”
I loved this beautiful analogy comparing tuning into Inner Being awarensss to hot air balloons merging with Earth’s invisible airstreams. Those airstreams represent hearing one’s impulses.
Hearing them requires elevating my awareness to that of my impulse communication. The impulses exist. My job: elevating myself so I tune in.
For my clients and I, tuning in means telling positive stories about everything.
These days, tuning takes priority, over income, jobs and relationships. No kidding. My marriage ended because I prioritized my relationship with turning in over my wife, for example.
Most won’t do that. Which is why I’m having the life I’m having. Most don’t get everything they want comes through one relationship only: the one between bodily existence and one’s eternal, nonphysical existence. Human relationships give relatively little in comparison.
Anyway, these days, I’m so tuned in I hear impulses constantly. But just because I hear them, doesn’t mean I follow them… 🤷🏽♂️
Which is what prompted this post
Last night (at the time of writing this) I finished engaging in my wonderful daytime passions, creating content and leading my team at Copiosis, Creating video content for Positively Focused , and creating films and illustrations for Positively Focused. It was a glorious day I intended ending by watching something on Netflix.
Catching God’s voice means tuning into God’s stream of consciousness. Just like balloons rising to Earth’s air streams. (Photo by Aditya Vyas on Unsplash)
But I had a feeling something more wanted my focus, something more thrilling, more satisfying. So there I sat on my couch scrolling through Netflix, when I felt pressure to look over at my desk. My desk sits configured for content creation. On it sits a camera, stand and computer all ready to go.
One thing I created with this rig is a Positively Focused short film called Life is More Than Meets The Eye. Earlier in the week, through another impulse, I figured out how to turn my voice into the female voice I wanted narrating this short film. Other impulses diverted me, but now, I felt compelled to resume post production.
But I also wanted to watch something on Netflix!
I felt pressure in both directions, both I knew led to something good. I even sat there a good ten minutes feeling out both options. Heck, I even said out loud “I have mixed energy, I want to watch Netflix, but I also want to work on my short film.”
My impulses don’t tell me what to do. I am a free, eternal being after all. But they do clarify which path offers the most fulfillment. Any path leads to fulfillment eventually, so choosing is never a problem.
But some choices offer more fulfillment than others.
A Netflix fail leads to better
I decided I’d watch Netflix. I started a movie featuring Michael Peña called “Extinction”. It started ok, but the longer into it, the worse I felt. I still felt the “pull” of my film work. The impulse told me something more stood available over at my desk!
My desk, configured for content creation.
But determinationto finish this movie compelled me while at the same time the film’s poor story line left me increasingly unsatisfied. Then one twist that caught my attention. From there, slight interest surfaced, but God’s voice kept urging me to my desk.
Finally, the movie ended. I surrendered, headed over to my desk and opened my editing software. The moment I engaged with my short film project, I felt something remarkable.
A HUGE energy surge welled up within me. I got totally immersed in my project. So much so I worked, and worked and worked! It was crazy!
The movie was 90 minutes long. Two hours after first sitting at my desk, I still wanted to continue. Only now, my Inner Being was sending different pressure: GO TO BED the feeling said. 😂 That message grew in intensity as 11:30 pm rolled around.
I give a name to moments like this. When I don’t heed the call of my Inner Being, but then go after a while, I call that going “kicking and screaming” toward where impulses want me to go. I want to go, but for whatever reason – stubbornness, inertia, or just laziness – I don’t.
Then, eventually I do.
In both instances that evening, finally surrendering showed me how profoundly satisfying following my impulses feels: When I woke the next morning, dreams and the ecstasy I felt from being in dream scape convinced me following impulses is always a good idea.
When doing it wrong creates right
I know now following that impulse ASAP is important. In many cases, when I get an impulse, acting immediately is crucial. That’s because, in those times, I’m the last of many “cooperative components” converging on a coordinate in time and space. Take too long and I arrive late to the rendezvous and miss the delightful surprise.
Tonight responding quick wasn’t so crucial. My film wasn’t going anywhere. My bed wasn’t either. But both proved excellent clarifying experiences. Through them I understood, with unmistakeable clarity, several lessons:
I can’t get it wrong. Fulfillment is available whatever I do, but some of what I choose contains more fulfillment than others.
Universe got my back. My Inner Being always leads me to what I want. I need to make sure though that I’m tuned into it and not something else, such as a belief that’s contrary to what my Inner Being knows.
The more I’m tuned in, the easier it is to hear impulses next time. Knowing what tuned in feels like opens doors to more of that feeling.
My passions, in this case expressing my art and my fascination with dreams, offer more satisfaction and joy than any other pursuit. Passions always contain delight. Other activities – maybe, maybe not. Certainly not as potent as my passions.
There’s still joy in watching Netflix. Apple TV too. Streaming services offer so much compelling entertainment. I know I can choose either path and find fun.
But it’s guaranteed fun will show up when I follow impulse guidance. So I make sure I do that more these days. And sooner than later.
At The Transamorous Network we show people how telling positive stories creates lives in which everything they want comes to them easy.
Tell enough positive stories and obvious evidence proves this true. That’s why we guarantee results. In time, something else happens. Clients see how easy life gets. They realize how inherently good the world is. They also realize how inherently good people are.
When they get there, life gets really fun. Until then, getting what they want, including love seems impossible. That’s why so many try (and often fail) getting what they want through action alone.
A 30 question test offers great insight
A friend recently created the following list. It offers 30 questions. Each question, when answered, tells readers where they stand.
The more questions answered incorrectly, the more getting what one wants feels hard. The questions, therefore offer tremendous insight. Not knowing these answers, you can’t know in which direction one’s fulfilled desires exist, nor can you know where you are relative to them.
Don’t worry, I’m going to give the answers. Answering the questions right or wrong isn’t where power exists. Power exists in knowing what to do when you answer a question wrong.
So here is the answer: yes
If a person can’t emphatically say yes to every question below, then a gap exists between what that person wants and what they’re getting. It’s that easy.
A transgender woman creating more of what she doesn’t want by reinforcing beliefs contradicting what she wants.
The power of belief shapes reality
A simple yes is not enough though. Desires fulfill themselves when one knows the answers are “yes”, not just agrees that they are.
Knowing, believing and thinking are distinct states. Everyone thinks. That’s the default. Think long enough about something and reality will prove that thought true. That’s why when a transgender woman thinks “all men are chasers” every man who approaches them turns out that way.
Seeing this evidence, the transgender woman reinforces her thought that “all men are chasers”. In time that thought becomes “true”. That’s why many transgender women think all men are chasers. This is true only for transgender women who think this.
With enough evidence, a transgender woman will believe what they think. Why wouldn’t they? Reality “proved” what they think. So the thought “all men are chasers” becomes a belief as more and more evidence proving the thought shows up.
In time, that thought, now a belief, recedes in the background. Evidence replaces “belief” and the “belief” becomes “reality”. At that point, the transgender woman knows all men are chasers. Also at that point, it’s very hard convincing her otherwise. Why? Because her reality matches her belief.
Chicken or egg. Which came first?
But she had the belief first. And before that, the thought. These created the reality. It’s never the other way around.
The fact that so many transgender women know all men are chasers proves what’s written here works. Although transgender women who believe this will deny that’s how they came to believe it.
Turning that reality where all men are chasers into a reality where “I get to have my man and eat him too!” takes some time. More than that though, a transgender woman (and a trans-attracted man) can not only have the lover she wants, she also can have EVERYTHING else she wants.
Having everything though requires knowing the answer to every question below is “yes”. So knowing “yes” as the answer requires seeing evidence everywhere. That’s why simple agreement isn’t enough.
These questions will challenge many beliefs. They also challenge many people’s realities. That’s because so many people have beliefs creating realities demanding these questions be answered with resounding NOs.
Until a person understands their reality springs from their beliefs, not the other way around, answering “yes” is impossible.
A trans-attracted man finding his center and thereby starting to create realities consistent with what he wants.
Joy starts with yes!
The joy inherent in knowing the answer is “yes” is what life is all about. Living lives of fulfilled desires is life’s purpose. That’s why when you’re having sex and loving it, you’re not screaming NO NO NO! You’re screaming YES, YES, YES! 😂😊🤣
So here are the questions:
Does abundance in all things exist?
Does well-being flow through all things?
Is evil an illusion?
Is scarcity an illusion?
Is control an illusion?
Do all circumstances work out for good?
Are negative beliefs a catalyst for positive growth?
Does everyone want a better reality?
Do we create our own reality?
Is everyone free?
Is progress an inevitability?
Can everyone have what they want?
Are all paradoxes resolvable?
Are the specific values of the individual aligned with the general values of the collective?
Are all conflicts illusory?
Is every perspective valid?
Is every perspective valuable?
Are humans inherently good?
Can humans be trusted?
Do humans want to be free from control/manipulation?
Do humans want well-being for themselves and for others?
Is humanity currently headed in a positive direction?
Do people want to live by their intrinsic motivations?
Do intrinsic motivations always lead to good things?
Is it okay to give up on something?
Does everyone have good intentions?
Can efficient and effective organizing structures emerge organically?
Does everything evolve?
Can “bad ideas” turn into “good ideas”?
Is it inevitable that every “bad idea” evolves into a “good idea” given enough allowance for intuitive inspiration?
Belief confrontations suck
If you’re having trouble, you’re not alone. Most people will not answer yes every time. Likely, you experienced extreme resistance to even considering the answer as yes.
That’s called a “belief confrontaton”. Your reality is so out of whack with the question’s answer, you can’t bear thinking the answer is yes. But the answer IS yes.
You can discover bliss in human being-ness by learning to see, then living from, what’s possible when you know the right answer.
That’s what my clients find. And when they do, life gets fun.
After all, who wouldn’t want a life full of desires fulfilling themselves? That’s what everyone in a physical body knew life could be like before they came.
Yes, even transgender people.
But many get stuck once they get here. That’s because they don’t remember what they forgot, the forgetting of which is a prerequisite to arrival.
You can remember. Everyone can. Are you remembering? If you aren’t, I can help.
