Tag: transamorous men

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Why It’s Not Bad When People Get Romance Scammed

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.

No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.

Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. As with every event, getting scammed vibrationally matches a similar inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.

This is what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.

I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week on my other blog. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.

But it’s not. It’s very, very positive. And it’s something that could improve every trans woman’s and trans-attracted man’s experience in finding love.

Desperation: a great money maker

As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled not to.

As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.

Not only that. It’s getting stronger.

And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.

Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.

No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. That’s especially true in the trans community, which includes trans-attracted people. Folks are willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re willing to kiss a lot of frogs too!

Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love people seek in the world around them exists right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.

The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.

Conditional love or unconditional love?

The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.

Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.

Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.

A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.

Finding her way

So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.

This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.

She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.

And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.

In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving telling positive stories works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.

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The Universe Is The Best Trans Dating Service

Photo by Jamez Picard on Unsplash

I so love when the universe helps clients realize they can trust it, instead of “doing”. That’s what happened this week with a client seeking love.

If you’ve read some posts here before, you know I encourage readers avoid online dating. It’s costly. It rarely succeeds. And it’s not very fun. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people.

Recently, a client came to her own understanding of this. She realized, unconsciously, as most clients do, that the Universe is a wish-granting jewel. It constantly fulfills every desire.

Just because it does that, though, doesn’t mean we receive every desire fulfilled. To receive, we must be tuned in. We must be on the same frequency of the fulfilled desire. That means, of course, following Broader Perspective impulses. If we do that, we end up at the perfect place and time to real-ize fulfilled desire.

However, most of us don’t know how to hear impulses. So we move through life haphazardly. Doing that, we learn to rely on “doing”. Especially when looking for that perfect trans woman. Or that guy who will accept us for who we are. We try making things happen, instead of allowing them to happen for us.

That’s what lead to my client’s epiphany.

Attachment breeds unconsciousness

My client currently is in love. Rather, she thinks she is. Actually, she’s in very strong attachment. Strong attachment over this guy she thinks is “The One”. The problem is, no person is that. The only “The One” in our lives is us. In other words, we each are our own “The One”.

Most of us don’t realize this though. That’s because human society talks us out of our inner knowing. We then forget we are eternal. We forget we are eternally loved and that no love can compare to that. Especially conditional love of another human.

This client finds herself thus. She’s struggling, therefore. She’s struggling because she’s experiencing things about this guy she doesn’t like. Every time they spend time together and get close, for example, he freaks out. Intimacy frightens him. So he’ll waffle. One day he’s all Lovey-dovey. The next day, he “needs space.”

This pattern may sound familiar.

The problem for my client is her attachment. She wants so bad for this person to change. But he can’t change when she focuses so much on his behavior. Behavior reflecting her own waffling way of being.

That’s right, my client realizes in this contrast presented by this guy that she was this way in relationship for decades. So here she is having her dominant way of being in relationship reflected back to her.

I told her this was the purpose of this relationship. To have her see what stories she’s telling. To have her see them so that she can change her stories.

But she’s not having that. Which has her suffering in indecision and strong resistance. Resistance she thinks is desire. Resistance she thinks is love.

Which is why what happened next is so compelling.

The Universe delivers

While my client holds onto her attachment for dear life, her focus on what she doesn’t want already has created what she does want. The Universe already answered her desire for a better relationship, in other words.

And even though she witnessed this unfolding, which I’ll describe in a moment, her attachment still has her pining for this one guy, rather than going with the flow of her unfolding manifestation. Here’s what that looks like:

“I was on my Facebook profile,” she explained one session. We were talking about her dating possibilities and how the Universe keys up an infinite stream of better quality men for her.

“I rarely visit that profile,” She said. “But when I did lately, I noticed I had 150 new friend requests!”

Then she changed the subject: “I’m on eHarmony,” She said. “None of the men I see there are attractive to me. It’s depressing.”

The client said she wondered while viewing her online dating profile if she should date only widowers. She thinks such men would be better matches. That’s because, supposedly, they had long, enduring relationships right up to the bitter end! Then she said she also thought she should date only engineers, since she gets along with such guys easily. (She used to work in an engineering-heavy industry.)

“So when I looked at the friend requests,” She explained, coming back to the original subject. “Four of them were really handsome men. All four were widowers and all were engineers! And…each of them expressed interest in me! That’s so weird! “

“Weird” means “I’m oblivious”

“Weird” is a common refrain from clients. Like the majority of people, they don’t get how consistently Universe delivers on all desires. So they don’t experience enough evidence of this in their lives. When I point it out as happening, they can’t believe it’s just how the Universe works. They instead see these experiences as standing out. As strange. As “weird”.

In time, anyone will move beyond “weird” to just accepting their worthiness. But until then, people just can’t accept that these “coincidences” are how the Universe works. In other words, they’re oblivious. And that obliviousness blocks them from seeing their desires fulfilling themselves, like this client seeing the Universe give her matches without her having to do anything.

This obliviousness is why people are dating online. And trying to “make” other things happen in their lives. They think “doing” is the key to getting what they want. When in fact, relaxing and trusting will make it happen easier and with more fun.

People make a lot of money off other people thinking “doing” is the only way.

I encouraged my client to get this. That the Universe knows better how to deliver what she wants. And that no amount of doing can replace the power and leverage of the Universe.

She’s still attached. So she’s still struggling. But the wonder wasn’t wasted on me. I reveled in the awareness giving me insight into the gift the client received. Even if she didn’t enjoy that awareness fully…yet.

Because I know, in time, should she continue, she will gain that awareness. It’s the natural unfolding of All That Is. All That Is, which is what we all are.

Discover how the Universe is serving you with utmost loyalty. Contact me. Let’s get you started in your own practice.

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How To Easily Meet Your Transgender Match: A Perfect Example

I know. It sounds like an impossibility. Trans women are hard to find. Men who love trans women who aren’t chasers are even more rare. Am I right? And besides, people are subject to their own whims and desires, right? Free will and all that? We can’t really create people, can we?

Why yes, we can…

It’s accurate that others are their own creation. But they’re also a co-creation. We all participate in each others’ becoming. And, as I’ve stressed before, the people we experience aren’t the same people those people are. Instead, they’re our creations. Which explains why trans women who complain about “chasers” usually meet exactly that. And why DL men meet unsavory trans women…

But this is a positive post about how I created another person in my reality. You can too. In fact, this post is really about being joyful. Because what happened was such a delightful, and yet, expected, surprise.

The setup was awesome

One day this past summer while riding my bike, I came across a celebration. Portlanders – in their weird way – were riding around on old-style roller-skates. Dressed in costumes and carrying signs, these folks were partying over something I didn’t understand.

I did understand they were enjoying themselves, though. That was obvious. As a mobile DJ blasted tunes, the revelers wound their way along a circular path cones outlined on the street.

As I rode past, I noticed a woman on her bicycle. She was tall, with dark hair to her shoulders. She drew me to her with an enthralling quality.

Now, I have a “trans” version of “gaydar”. I can just spot trans women. So I knew this person was trans. The moment happened so quick though. I saw her, rode past, then focused on the revelers.

Still, riding away, I chastised myself. Why didn’t I stop and say hi to that woman? But in my self-reproach, I realized what I was doing. So, instead of staying in that story, I decided I would create a future reality where I’d see her again. I therefore casually said to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice to see this person again?”

Then I focused on how pleased I would be to rendezvous with that probable future reality. Notice: I did this casually, lightly and only for a moment.

You can probably guess what happened next…

We create everything we experience

As creators, we are the only beings in our reality. Everything we experience, therefore, is a reflection of our massive, eternal awareness. We constantly create new realities as we move through our created reality. This gives rise to multiverses science is only recently coming to acknowledge exist.

We create people in our realities as we create everything else. The versions we create are cooperatively created along with the entities those people are in their reality. So it’s not like we’re doing anything against anyone’s will.

What this means is, we have complete control over experiences we have with other people. But usually, we let our observations reign over what we create. Especially when it comes to other people. Rather than creating them deliberately, we let our observations do it. So people occur as individuals totally separate from us. We experience physical reality the same way for the same reasons.

When we realize, however, that we create our reality, including others, we come into tremendous power and leverage. We can literally call people back into our experience, provided those people are willing to have that experience too.

That’s what happened here.

Hearing inner guidance

After affirming a future rendezvous with this person, I dropped it. I let the idea go into All That Is, knowing the Universe took hold of it.

Yesterday, over three months after seeing her, I got the impulse to go for a walk. I had just meditated for an hour and was vibing really high. So I put on warm clothes and headed out.

I knew I was vibing high because of how I felt. But also based on people’s reactions. They were super friendly. Strangers stared at me. When you’re vibing high, you stand out like a sore thumb. People notice you. I greeted those people and they were friendly in return.

As I wound my way back towards home, I started crossing one of the bridges spanning the river bisecting downtown. On the way across I spotted a person coming the opposite direction. I knew this person was trans. She was also walking a Corgi. Something else about her was very familiar. But I didn’t know what.

About 20 meters away, we locked eyes. I said hi. She smiled and nodded. I felt a jolt of clarity. I recognized a connection between her and I in that moment.

We passed one another. Then my Broader Perspective suggested I stop, so I did. I leaned against the rail and took stock of my inner awareness. Something important happened that I wasn’t catching. But my Broader Perspective’s signals were strong enough to give me pause.

The fateful bridge

Then the big reveal

I looked back and saw her walking in the distance. A part of me wanted to catch up with her. It wanted to introduce myself and strike up a chat. Another part didn’t. It wanted to go home. It was getting dark. Soon it would be too cold for the clothes I wore.

Screw it, I decided. I wanted to follow through on the first part urging me to go introduce myself. By now she was a good 500 meters away. I turned back and went to catch up with her.

About 50 meters away, for some reason, that’s when she decided to stop and sit on a park bench! It was a perfect set up! I was so pleased this happened because it worked perfectly for me to approach her. When I did, I introduced myself. She invited me to sit and talk.

After talking with her a while, it struck me: This was the girl I saw last summer! In my excitement I told her so, but she didn’t remember. Most people don’t remember much about things they consider insignificant, so that wasn’t surprising. Inside though I knew this was the Universe responding to my request.

Long story short, we talked for 30 minutes. She gave me her number. We’re talking about seeing each other again.

The more we believe, the more we see

It’s so fun meeting people this way. It’s so fun I wonder why people rely on online dating to help them meet people. This is way more fun. The serendipity, the surprise, the unfolding are all wonderful characteristics of cooperating with the Universe to meet people we want to meet.

It’s so easy. And, if we’re relaxing into the desire, it happens relatively fast.

But a lot of people don’t believe anything you just read. Or they believe what you just read is just a big coincidence. I’ve had this exact experience happen too many times though. So many I’m convinced this indeed is what’s possible. Not just for me. But for anyone.

We create our realities. That includes other people. The more we believe that, the more we’ll see that bear out in the world we experience. That means we can have anything in our reality: lovers, wonderful rendezvous, and everything else we desire.

It’s just how the Universe is organized.

Try it for yourself. Test the Universe and watch it deliver.

Need help with the how? I’m available.

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A Trans Woman On The Ins And Outs Of Anal

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

I’m constantly on edge in my relationship with Muriel. That’s because I never know when she’s going to blow my mind.

That’s what happened this morning while chatting with her online. We talked about having sex with trans women. As our conversations usually do, this one got deep, quick.

Balls deep.

Specifically, we talked about the ins and outs of anal sex. No pun intended.

Some transgender clients express slight frustration with particulars of that sex style. After all, vaginal sex doesn’t require preparations necessary for good, clean anal. So some of my trans clients have less interest in sex at frequencies compatible with what they believe men will want.

Men will want sex more often than my clients, they say. Because of that, my clients fear they won’t be able to satisfy their men. It requires too much preparation. Other clients express lack of sexual interest due to HRT medication. That too, they fear will cause dissatisfaction in their partners.

Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.

As my GF and I talked about this, she went off. She shared a perspective I wasn’t prepared for. A perspective offering a no BS take on what anal is really about, what it offers and what it doesn’t. She also waxed poetically on a problem she thinks many trans women have:

I wonder how many trans women look at their sexual parts this way. Help me out: do you think you offer a substandard alternative to vaginal sex? Are you also thinking their partners won’t want anal as an alternative?

Muriel obviously has thought this over. Perhaps it’s something every trans woman must come to grips with. Muriel has come to a great place on it:

I think she has a point about trans women seeing themselves as second class. Second class to cis women. AND second class in terms of what they offer male partners sexually.

But there are plenty of men who enjoy anal sex. And, just to be clear, there are plenty of cis-women who enjoy anal over vaginal sex too. I even dated one some time ago. She LOVED getting it in the ass!

Meanwhile, as we all know, anal sex comes with poop. Trying to clean all that out prior to sex does offer logistics that can put the kibosh on spontaneity. It doesn’t have to though. Nor does the butt need to play second fiddle to the vagina. For women without a vagina, the “anal isn’t an alternative to vagina” must be unraveled. It’s not an alternative. It’s something altogether different.

No apologies

And this is where self affirmation comes in. Self affirmation means finding worthiness in who we are as we are. Self validation is another word for it. It’s the opposite of “outside validation”, which I argue a lot of trans women have trouble with.

So do trans-attracted men, btw.

After all, trans-attracted men on the DL are on the DL because they fear others’ opinions of their desires. In other words, they validate their desires and selfhood based on what others think about those things. Some trans women do the same thing. And that’s why both DL men and some trans women find one another. They are perfect matches.

Muriel isn’t about any of that. She’s not about apologizing for what she is. I love that. That and her humor:

It’s not about the sex

Obviously the choice to have a vagina or not has more to do with identity than where one wants a dick. Many (most?) trans women who opt for a vagina do so because it completes them. Sex may be a secondary consideration. Or, maybe, sex doesn’t even figure in.

So trans women who want a vagina needn’t be triggered by this story. It’s really not about them. This story is really not about sex either. It’s about my GF opinions. Opinions I find endearing.

I shared these opinions with a trans-attracted client of mine. His response: “I love the confidence expressed in these texts” he said.

I agree.

Muriel’s confidence is so attractive. So is her self awareness. I can see how cleaning up my own stories about myself, my transamory and about trans women have made me a match to her. For that, I’m grateful for what I’ve done.

I think Muriel is too.

PS — Did you like that pun in the headline? If so, drop me a message. I thought it was perfect.

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When A Performer Offers A Transgender Fan The Best Answer

Background photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash

I love focusing only on positive things happening in the world. When I do that, my life orients into positive focus. I write about that on my other blog. Focusing that way, I get what I want in life. Life also shows me lovely examples of people loving people. Including cis people loving trans people.

This is what happened this past summer. Minding my own business, a good friend texted me. He knows I run The Transamorous Network and that I’m transamorous. He also knows I’m a major advocate for transgender people.

So I wasn’t surprised that he sent what he sent. What he sent was text from Nick Cave’s newsletter.

Now, Nick Cave is a well known performer. I wrote “performer” because he’s so good at so many artistic things. It’s no wonder he has so many fans.

Apparently, Nick includes in his newsletter correspondence he gets from his fans. What my friend texted me was an exchange between Nick and a couple fans. I loved reading it.

The exchange begins with a note from the fan, who is trans, and another message Nick apparently decided to answer at the same time:

How do you feel about your transgender fans or trans people in general? As a young trans woman, I’ve had equally positive and negative gender-related experiences with other fans of your work and stand curious as to where you stand on things.

AMELIA, BALTIMORE, USA

What Enneagram number are you?

SOFÍA, MEXICO CITY, MEXICO

The response is so good

Nick’s response is touching, and his views are so spot on (except the concept of people being “broken”). Here’s his reply:

Dear Amelia and Sofía,

My Enneagram number is 8. I found the Enneagram to be an extraordinarily accurate personality test and my character is, indeed, a classic type 8. One of the chief traits of the type 8 is an exaggerated duty of care over people within their social group. For most 8s this usually extends to family, friends, work colleagues and so forth; as a performer, however, this concern for the wellbeing of others appears to extend to my fans. In essence, The Red Hand Files, for better or for worse, is a kind of unhinged expansion of that inclination – a weird paternal instinct toward my audience, gone berserk.

I also have another impulse, which I hope is more common, and that is to treat everyone with equal love and respect, regardless of their race, gender, sexuality, religion or anything else. I essentially see the world as a collection of individuals, each unique in their brokenness, who have at their core a common and binding sameness of spirit. So, Amelia, although I am slightly uncertain as to where I am supposed to stand on such things, or rather why I am supposed to stand anywhere, I will say this – I love my trans fans fully and wish them the best, as I love all my fans and wish them the best. I feel toward them that same duty of care that I feel toward all those who exist within my sphere. I also wish for them to receive every right inherent to them and for them to lead lives of dignity and freedom, devoid of violence and prejudice. I wish these things as I wish them for all people.

As a musician, it is a true privilege to stand on stage and watch a crowd of disparate individuals lost to the common, inclusive vitality that music offers; to observe people transcend themselves, united by that innate spiritual sameness that is buried beneath the condition of identity. It is deeply moving to witness and fully understand that each of us is uniquely strange in our individual personage, yet under the sway of some greater enfolding force we are as one. That is music’s great gift and revelation.

Love, Nick

People loving trans people is pervasive….normal actually

Nick’s perspective on trans people and people generally isn’t unique. It’s far more common than it appears. People railing against trans people are literally a vocal MINORITY. And since the majority of people feel much like Nick does, there’s no reason why any trans person must experience anything other than those kinds of people.

But if that person focuses on what the minority is doing and saying, not only will they experience such things, it’s likely other experiences in their lives run similarly. In other words, we move through a world of our creation. This explains my positive focus.

Focusing positively, my life fills with positive, joyful, happy experiences. Experiences such as getting this text from my friend. My clients, of course, get exactly similar results. Which I why I’m confident what I’m sharing works. I have evidence from my own life and my clients’ lives too.

Everyone gets exactly what they think about. So everyone’s experiences reflect their dominant thoughts. Think I’m blaming “victims”? That kind of thinking will make you a victim.

I don’t blame victims. I empower people who once were victims. In the process I amplify my own joy. It’s joyful seeing trans lives and the lives of those who love them improve.

Orient your perspective to see only the positive in life. Do that and watch your life get better. No matter how good it is right now, it can get better! Everything you want can be yours.

It takes a while. But that’s only because changing course takes a while. But the time it takes is well worth it. And while it’s changing, you’re having fun and experiencing wonderful synchronicities. Like connecting with a wonderful exchange between a famous performer and a fan, who happens to be trans.

Take charge of living a joyful life. If you’re ready, I can help.