Outstanding Transgender Dating Results Start With One Thing

Photo by Nathan Walker on Unsplash

If you’re trans attracted and want that perfect partner, you first gotta understand one thing that will kibosh any intent to get what you want.

You’ll still get what you want. But it will end in sadness.

I recently chatted with a Transamorous man who experienced this first hand. He moved from trans-attraction to transamory years ago. Since living out loud and proud about what he likes, he enjoyed meeting quite attractive transgender women, some of whom he dated for years.

But each relationship left him sad. Pointing out the one thing leading to his sadness triggered tears he barely kept back. For his dating experience confirmed this one thing knocking out cold some cis-trans relationships’ potential.

That one thing really comprises two things. If you don’t know them and you’re trans attracted, you’ll not only not see it when you get what you want, you won’t keep it either.

Everyone’s a stepping stone

Transgender women experience life moving from one state to another on the way to an ideal vision of “self”. Unlike most people, their transition keeps them in near constant dissatisfaction about one thing or another. That dissatisfaction offers tremendous motivation. Especially when the woman sees potential on the horizon.

For example, some trans women aspire to professions which reward them for their extreme, post-surgery good looks, their stature and unique aspects, which make them natural runway fits. Modeling, acting or other performance professions offer such opportunity. These professions also offer wonderful life styles and, of course, lots of money. Such lifestyles also come with many gorgeous, successful men.

Others who may not meet those standards, still recognize their physical appearance exceeds those of many cis-women, making them highly desirable. Even for “straight men”, whatever that means, some transgender women turn male heads wherever they go. That makes them highly desirable…and they know it. Just ask any high-priced transgender “escort”. 😱

Many trans-attracted men target such women as their ideal partner. They wish for and idealize such women, who they often see in porn, on Only Fans, or other online venues such as Instagram or Tumblr.

But most transgender women like these, on their way to that success, still want companionship, love, attention and validation. So on their way, they’ll accept relationships with men they will eventually consider not up to the quality they know they can attract. That’s where you come in.

Transgender women like actress and vocal performer Alexandra Grey pursue, and often get, stardom. Are you really up to par with that kind of success? (Instagram)

In other words, trans-attracted men sometimes become stepping stones for these transgender women. They satisfy their companionship, attention and validation needs through you as they move towards their ideal self and their ideal lives.

Dating people temporarily needs no justification. Most relationships don’t last and aren’t meant to. That’s ok.

You must up your game

But if you want that top-shelf transgender woman and you don’t qualify yourself as top shelf, even if you get her, you won’t likely keep her.

The guy I spoke with experienced this first hand. He met a girl shortly after her transition. They connected right away, began dating and enjoyed one another.

Then COVID struck. As with many relationships, constant close proximity strained their relationship. One day, the woman told this guy some bad news. She knew she had tremendous potential as a model. What she didn’t say the guy understood instinctively. As she fulfilled that dream, her tastes, and opportunity to satisfy those tastes, would change. That meant, he no longer offered what she wanted.

I know very beautiful transgender women aspire to top shelf everything. Yes, exceptions exist. But most, I would argue, like most people, react to social conditioning. They seek what society says they should. That leaves many a regular guy shooting for such top shelf women, only to face disappointment later.

People sometimes ask “Well, Perry if your approach works, where’s your relationship?”

I tell them I’m patient. I’m in no hurry. My match and I are still becoming. We will meet when I am at my peak. That moment evolves as I write this, as I develop this platform, Positively Focused and Copiosis. Each of these grows more successful. While more people discover them, I become more well-known. Before long, large numbers of people will know me and my passions. As my passions influence the world more, I become more influential.

That notoriety will create a global awareness of who I am. That will galvanize attention from my partner, who themselves will also enjoy global notoriety, or at least be at that “level” in their own life.

In other words, I’m creating self and stature matching the person I know I eventually will partner with. I call that upping my game. A Transamorous Network client once called that “becoming the best version of me.”

Every sock meets an old shoe

Not all trans-attracted men need become movie stars, billionaires, world leaders or other kinds of influentials in order to meet their match. But if someone aspires to relationships with highly attractive, successful, intelligent, secure, confident transgender women, that person must also be attractive, successful, secure and confident.

Otherwise the two won’t match.

The good news lies in the fact that everyone comes into life with natural gifts. Nurture those and one can’t help become influential in their own way. Like this transgender woman who once also had multiple personalities. She lives out loud about this. As a result she enjoys 133,000 subscribers and helps people like her.

Trans-attraction represents one such gift. Usually, gifts come in combinations. Rarely does a person enjoy only one. So trans-attracted men all come with more than trans-attraction as a gift.

A smarmy saying offers wisdom. It goes “every old sock meets an old shoe.” It means, every person can potentially meet their match and that match can offer great satisfaction, comfort and ease. But enjoying that satisfaction first requires becoming a match to that satisfaction.

That happens when one ultimately finds out how to create life in which their wildest dreams become reality. At The Transamorous Network we show people, transgender and trans-attracted how to do that.

Get what matters most

The perfect partner needn’t be a model or movie star. Fame doesn’t guarantee relationship success. But many people live far short of their ideal, leaving them desperate, insecure and unsatisfied.

Desperation, insecurity and dissatisfaction offer terrible foundations upon which to build a relationship. And, they tend to draw people living in similar states.

If you want that perfect trans girl and you, yourself, aren’t perfect (whatever that means for you), prepare for disappointment. But many sane, happy, fun, easy-going transgender women exist. They may not be models, but they can offer love, companionship, relationship and affection.

And in the end, when all the glam fades and it’s just you two, what really matters? Model-like appearance? Influence? Fame? Or things like honesty, integrity, communication and trust? Most people I talk with, including transgender women, when I remind them of what matters, act surprised.

Hopefully you’re not. Avoid the kibosh. Revise what you look for in your trans partner. Focus on becoming your best you. Tell positive stories about everything. Then see what happens.

When Great Proof Makes Great Results

Everyone who earnestly tells positive stories in their life produces great results. Those results look like amazing lives. They feel like freedom, joy empowerment and a knowing that they are creating their life experience.

I own a sister blog called Positively Focused. Through that blog, I work with people outside of the transgender community. I share the same information with those people that I share with clients through this blog.

Sometimes, a Positively Focused client will say something so profound, sharing it with my transgender and trans-attracted clients makes total sense.

In a recent, fabulous Positively Focused session, Lisa shared her experience thus far, confirming the work’s effectiveness after 34 weeks as a client.

We all create our reality through stories we tell. When a person tests that theory, proof shows up in abundance, especially when disbelief, but a desire to believe, turns into belief.

Your stories matter

When belief turns to knowing, knowing borne of experience, then things really get interesting.

For when that happens, then one starts shining. From there, life gets better and better. More joy, more fun, more desires accomplished with no effort. But mostly: more joy.

After all, we all chose this experience knowing it offered wondrous opportunity. Expansion, freedom, joy and focus. We came here for that. Getting what you want, even a perfect relationship, just happen as natural byproducts of connecting with one’s powerful, creative knowing.

Life gets great when one tells positive stories as Lisa attests here.

Meaningful life happens when one chooses their life as meaningful. Every life represents meaningfulness, but when negative beliefs, resistance, anger and frustration dominate, finding one’s meaning can’t happen.

Why?

All That Is wants us all filled with ecstasy, joy and appreciation for life, for us. Negative experiences pile on the one who sees life negatively because All That Is uses such experiences. Such experiences show the negative person they can choose a better way. One consistent with what their Broader Perspective knows.

Many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with such chronic, negative experiences which produce anxiety, frustration, sadness and depression.

Life can be fun

Life can be fun. But that fun exists as an option. People come with free will built in. Everyone stands in freedom so profound, each person can choose shackles inherent in disbelief, anger, fear, insecurity and “traumas”.

In time, everyone releases such shackles. For many, that happens at the death moment. Sleep does it too. Most don’t realize it, but waking from sleep feels so great because a person experienced hours in sleep’s nonresistant state.

Death does the same thing.

But one needn’t die then experience joy, freedom and appreciation life offers. Life features those things in abundance for those willing to put a little focus into changing stories they tell about life.

From there, life’s automatic processes take over. Before long, one finds themselves in perpetual bliss. Just like they knew they would, when deciding living in a body would be a wonderful experience.

Proof waits for your discovery. You discover it first through thoughts you think. Then it shows itself to you constantly, as Lisa here confirms. From there your lover, whoever you think that is, shows up. Guaranteed.

You’re ready. Life stands ready. Your lover stands ready. Might it be time for you to enjoy it as well?

How Bike Flats Can Lead To Great, Happy Results

I love telling positive stories. They feel so good. And they create experiences the prove telling positive stories works.

This morning proves that assertion in abundance. It looks like coincidence to the uninitiated eye. But to people who know stories create reality, what happened happened because that’s what happens when a person finds their grace and worthiness.

In other words, when a person tells positive stories, they also find they stand at the center of the Universe. From there, life’s an adventure.

I love sharing this story. I know it offers inspiration for others. That’s why I started this blog: to inspire others into a new reality. One where they get everything they want, including the relationship they want.

After all, that wonderful relationship can happen exactly like what happened in this story.

A wonderful day awaited

I woke up this morning super positive. Amazing dreams, an amazing “meditation” session, and an eagerness about the day fueled my rising. As usual when I wake these days, my higher knowing, my Broader Perspective, serves me a list of things it knows will inspire me.

That list included going grocery shopping. I planned a Safeway trip today, Friday, followed by a Trader Joe’s trip Saturday. But my my Broader Perspective said “do both today”.

My calendar showing the two appointments for shopping, one Friday, one Saturday. The was prior to receiving my Inner Being guidance.

I follow such guidance more quickly and often these days. Because I know following such guidance always leads to extraordinary experiences. I write about these every week in my other blog, Positively Focused.

I don’t have a car. Instead I get around by foot or my bike. A bike ride in the cool morning air this morning sounded great. By the afternoon, Portlanders expected temperatures in the low hundreds, so I felt eager about getting these trips in early.

Safeway was easy and fun. I enjoyed a nice chat with Tammy, the checkout person who usually rings my groceries. While checking out my groceries, I shared my excitement over how much food I got for so little money, thanks to Safeway’s loyalty program. Tammy agreed laughing. I’m sure she though me crazy.

Then I rode home with my panniers full of wonderful food. When it was all either in the fridge or pantry, I realized, I forgot toilet paper I bought. Rather than disappointment about that, I felt excitement about another ride to Safeway. That’s how much I like riding my bike. 😊

Getting the toilet paper happened quick. After putting it away, I prepared for my TJ run. Little did I know, while I prepared, the day had ready awesome delights prepared.

Good and bad here, now

It was a lovely ride to TJs. Before leaving home, I sat a few moments. In those moments I told stories about how good I felt, how wonderful it is owning the bike I own, how awesome it is living where I live and how much fun the ride to TJs would be.

Then I took an alternative path just to amplify the fun. Nearly everyone I passed greeted me with a smile. Cars stopped on main streets so I could cross. A young woman walking her dog sported a lovely hat and I told her so. She smiled in return. Fellow bike riders greeted me as I passed.

My beautiful transportation.

Everything went in a way indicating I had aligned with all that is good. My Broader Perspective and the Universe showed me all the way to TJs evidence of my really strong positive perspective creating experiences I enjoy.

As Trader Joe’s approached, I saw a homeless person. Now in the past, when I ride by a homeless person on the way to Trader Joe’s, I have, again, in the past, worried about him going into my bike bags while I shop. So I lock my bike bags to my bike. I also leave nothing valuable in them.

This time, when I saw the homeless person, I imagined the homeless person trying to take my bags. Then he did some sort of vandalism because he couldn’t get them off my bike.

Slight insecurity accompanied that imagined scenario. That’s when I caught myself. Emotions tell me something important, I know. What was I doing? Creating a reality I didn’t want through this negative story. That’s what my emotions told me. So I dropped that imagined scenario as quickly as I could. My positive feelings returned and, for a few moments that imagined scenario disappeared.

It would return a bit later. But thankfully, not in as big a manifestation as it could have!

“Good” and “bad” exist in every universal particle, in every scenario, in every moment. I know what stories I tell about each experience shapes how much of “good” or “bad” fills my experiences. That’s why I tell as many positive stories as I can. It maximizes the former and excludes all of the latter.

Let the fun…continue?

Leaving that scenario behind, I locked my bike, went into the store, followed my intuition and got everything I wanted in about 10 minutes. I checked out and while doing so the wonderful checker greeted me with a smile and a nice little conversation.

Then, when I walked out the door I looked towards my bike. My attention went right to my rear tire. It was flat as a pancake!

For a brief second, that scenario I thought before returned. Did some homeless guy slash my tire? Slowly, I approached my bike. Again, I dropped that scenario. After all, no matter how it happened, it happened. My bike had a flat. Brooding about it wouldn’t fix my tire!

Houselessness runs rampant these days. It also triggers many people’s negative stories. Including mine. (Photo by Yawer Waani on Unsplash)

After loading the pannier with what I bought, I put them aside, then detached the tire, and opened my accessories bag. That’s when I noticed my repair kit was missing! The patch kit was there, but other tools I needed weren’t. I couldn’t repair the flat!

At that point, I stopped myself, took a breath and assessed my situation. This wasn’t what it looked like. Something brewed here, ready to be enjoyed. I didn’t know what though. Still, I know this flat wasn’t random or an accident.

So instead of jumping into action, I took a moment and reframed the situation.

“Boy, something really great is going to happen because of this,” I thought to myself. “This is going to be fun!” And I meant it!

Just then, another biker passed by riding an electric bike. Two people passed after that. Meanwhile I started putting my bike back together, figuring I would have to push my bike to a repair shop, call a Lyft or an Uber.

Bring on the wonder!

Minutes later, that electric bike rider returned. He asked me if everything was OK. I explained what happened, that I planned a walk to a repair shop. He mentioned The Bike Gallery, a major bike chain here in Portland.

Under his breath he said that if I took my bike there, and knocked on the door, the staff would let me in and fix my bike.

“I actually work there,” he added in an even lower tone.

Right then, I knew something amazing had come together. My Spidey sense told me this was the Universe unfolding a continuous stream of extremely positive outcomes in response to my chronic positive stories. That stream started from my dreams. And with this flat, that stream continued. Here’s what happened next:

The guy left, I got my bike back together, then started walking from 43rd Ave. to the Bike Gallery located on 53rd Ave. All the way I told positive stories. I enjoyed the walk. It was good exercise. I enjoyed the increasing heat on my face and body while walking. A light sweat started on my skin, which evaporated in the light, heating breeze, cooling me in the process. The weight of my panniers full of food pushed down on the flat. That made it easy to push my bike even with no air in the tire.

Two-thirds of the way to the Bike Gallery, I looked up the street and saw a biker who looked like the same guy who helped me at Trader Joe’s. When he saw me he turned my way. It was the guy.

“You walk fast,” He said, then pointed to the pannier latched to his bike. A huge manual air pump extended out of its open top. “I packed some repair tools and was coming back to rescue you,” He added. “I’ll meet you back at the store.”

The joy keeps coming

He greeted me when I arrived, then ushered me to the maintenance department. There he took my bike, disassembled it, took apart the flat tire and showed me what the problem was: the rim tape slipped causing the innertube to dip into one of the spoke dimples. That, combined with the pressure of the air in the tube, cut the tube open.

“You would not have been able to repair that.” He said. “And even if you tried with a new tube, that tube probably would’ve gotten punctured too.”

There’s my bike in the rack. The rim and tire rests against tool drawers.

Obviously, my Broader Perspective, the Universe and All That Is orchestrated this uncommon, uncanny flat tire situation. Responding the way I did, my blessed path unfolded, opening doors to a cavalcade of wonderful outcomes.

I could have got angry about the flat, railed at the sucky timing, or felt sorry for myself. Telling those negative stories would have opened different circumstances. Imagine, were I pissed, the guy who helped me may not have felt comfortable approaching me. Or maybe in my frustration I might have said something rude.

But by reframing the situation and seeing it as an adventure, the whole situation unfolded in this wonderful way. I aligned myself with those positive outcomes, which continued even while this guy repaired my tire.

While he repaired it, I noticed another bike repair guy grinning ear-to-ear while fiddling with the cash register. I felt inspired to compliment him, so I did.

“You’re having a great time,” I said. “I can tell by your smile.”

“I love what I do,” he said. “Bikes are the best.”

I agreed while noticing his name, Tim, on his name tag. While my bike got fixed, Tim and I enjoyed a great conversation. He worked at the Bike Gallery for many years and has been working on bikes all his life. This store was short-staffed, so his manager at the store where he usually works dispatched him here to help out. Imagine that! Another synchronicity!

Had that not happened, we wouldn’t have enjoyed what happened next.

The full monty brought to life

Tim said he’s lived in Portland all his life, repaired bikes all his life and feels he’s living his dream. Thus the smile. He lives in a place called Hillsboro, here in Oregon. His family lives in other local cities called Portland, Forest Grove and Salem.

He and I also talked about bicycle motocross, a passion of his, about my heroes from my bicycle motocross days when I was a child. I loved watching real motocross while growing up in Southern California too. I told Tim that and Tim told me a great story where he met one of my number one heroes of that time. Tim and I both got more excited the more we talked. Did I say it was a great conversation?

Meanwhile the guy who rescued me, whose name was Randall, replaced the original fabric rim tape with an upgraded rubber version, put the bike back together, then rolled it over to me.

“How much do I owe you?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

That’s when I really knew this flat tire offered tremendous opportunity, which I stepped into by framing it as a positive adventure instead of a mishap. That opened the door to this awesome experience.

Think about it. The flat itself was uncommon. I couldn’t have repaired it had I tried. The universe didn’t want me too. It and my Broader Perspective wanted me to witness how much they love me by orchestrating all that unfolded. So cool!

By way of explanation, I told Randall about my blogs and how I write about these kinds of wonderful synchronicities that happen in my life all the time. Then I asked if I could take his picture. He said yes.

This is Randall and I:

Me and my guardian angel and bike repair guru, Randall (r).

Randall lives in Woodstock and rides his electric bike to The Bike Gallery every day unless work demands something different.

Something different and delightful always awaits one who tells positive stories. Nothing happens by accident. Everything happens on purpose. Positive stories brings that purpose into focus. The purpose everything means to give us is joyful recognition that the Universe is always on our side.

But if one doesn’t line up with that love, that joyful acknowledgment of this joyful purpose, they get struggle, pain, disappointment and more.

I prefer joy, love and happy results. So I do everything I can to foster and amplify those results. It’s easy, once I got the hang of it. As a result of that, even an unfixable bike flat serves up a great big heaping pile of joyful experience.

A joyful life. There’s nothing better.

Exclusive: How A Full, Happy, Client Session Looks

I’m overjoyed sharing this video and appreciate deeply my client’s willingness to share it with you too.

It’s deeply touching watching what happens in this, unfiltered, full, lightly edited recording. I knew when we had it, it offered extraordinary insight into how telling better-feeling stories works.

As my client gets near the end of the session, you can see how deeply his new stories transformed his perspective.

A session anatomy

The client came to the session after spending the week in disempowering stories. As such, he characterized the week as negative, sharing only those experiences he had access to – those matching his lower level stories – as “proof” substantiating his experience.

This offered a wonderful opportunity. We practiced shifting his stories. As he told increasingly better-feeling stories, positive experiences he had during the same week, ones he didn’t mention, returned to his memory. That’s because as he improved his stories, he resonated to those instead of more negative experiences with which he originally perceived through his matching, negative stories. In doing so his mood changed completely.

This session illustrates so many powerful insights, the most important being: Telling stories that feel good creates better life experiences.

It’s simple. Tell positive stories, get what you want.

What reality resonates?

The reality one experiences is the one with which they resonate. Life’s harmonics will draw to a person, experiences from the infinite matching that person’s stories or beliefs. He can access no other realities, even though they’re just as real. One’s experience therefore rests completely with what stories he tells. This includes relationship experiences, as well as who shows up in one’s life.

So if you want someone to love, but keep meeting toads or skeezers, the remedy isn’t on a dating site. It’s not in finding a different person. Your remedy lies in your stories.

Every reality exists simultaneously. By shifting one’s stories, through simple declarative statements, one finds oneself realizing totally different versions of the exact same reality they experience. Only details change because the better-feeling stories draw details matching them.

I love this work. I love showing people how to change their stories so they end up on track to everything they want.

But what fulfills me most is the jubilance I feel when I see significant positive shifts in people’s being. This happens in the video at 00:35:39. Especially when they see it too. That’s the payoff. That and the client realizing their life changed for the better, of course.

We’re all eternal. Getting what you want can happen all day every day. They’re sign posts along a never ending path of personal fulfillment and joy. Life’s purpose therefore doesn’t rest in getting what you want, although getting that really is fun.

Life’s purpose fulfills itself in wonderful, delicious, rambunctious feelings birthed from knowing you’re at the center of the Universe. You’re eternal, getting exactly what you create. Nothing beats that, as my client here shows.

Enjoy.

The Maddening Catch-22 Of Transgender Love

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Dear TTN,

I accept the fact that I am attracted to trans women.

One thing that has stopped me for a while is when I see posts of [transgender] activists such as Serena Daniari or others that complain about men that like trans women.

She is very intelligent. She seems the type of trans woman I would date in terms of intelligence, attractiveness, and the fact that she is at a similar level both in career and studies. It’s just an example, I obviously don’t plan on dating her.

The common thing I see from transgender women on social media is this: they keep complaining about men liking them for their penis or not caring about other parts of them, or liking them due to being trans or being secretive about them.

I have contacted lots of them to encourage them. I shared my admiration for them, for what they do, their journey, etc. Sometimes I ask their advice on dating properly with trans women, how to be respectful or how to navigate things appropriately.

Do you know how many of them replied? Zero. And minutes and days later they keep posting complaining about men. They express disgust, say we like them for the wrong reasons or complaining about people misgendering them.

This shocks me because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame.

Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then, the icing on the cake is, then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.

It’s very frustrating because you see intelligent, educated, attractive trans women with good careers, and in some way role models that want to help other trans women have easier lives, not being able to date with men that could love them due to solely their mindset and what they want to see.

And with their posts on the topic they amplify the false story that there’s no men out here that want to date trans women who sees them as equals which can cause other trans women that follow them to adopt that vision.

It would be great if bridges could be created with those activists, to help them see that this is not the case. And to help spread the healthy image of relationships between trans women and cis men. Although I am not sure if they are ready to accept that and want to keep at that world perspective that nearly everyone is either against them or wants them for DL sex. I tried explaining but they just ignore me.

What do you think can be done about that?

I would like to date a trans woman like them but I feel I would just get called chaser due to their beliefs. I am not sure if in my country there’s women like them though.

Living in Spain

Dear Living in Spain,

Bridging isn’t necessary. We do not build bridges with transgender women activists who tell stories you talk about. Good reasons support our position. Perhaps you’ll agree with some, since you know stories’ role in shaping people’s experience.

For one, intelligence and career/professional success get trumped by stories every time. You see this in the responses you’re (not) getting and in what these women use their intelligence/success to amplify. A lot of these women’s success depends largely on them amplifying stories their followers/audiences share. Especially so on social media. I’m sure know the popular Upton Sinclair quote:

Screen Shot 2021-07-02 at 11.19.13.png

For a trans woman who’s success (and ongoing income) depends on ongoing and increasing followership through social media, offering opinions contrary to the majority of what that followership believes isn’t in her best interest.

Doing so won’t increase her success or income. It likely will do the opposite. So her vested financial interest is – keep doing what she’s doing (and saying). Which means repeating what her audience believes.

Secondly, many set their own agenda at completely cross-purposes with our agenda. Hypothetical example: a successful transgender woman “activist” moved through sex work on her way to her success. While experiencing very “low level” trans-attracted/chaser men, she developed extremely bitterness-triggering negative stories about men. She told them for a long time, shared them with friends, and got a LOT of agreement/validation of her experiences through her rise on social media.

The momentum of those stories will keep her in that bitterness long after attaining success. The only one who can change that momentum: her. But she must be willing to do that. First, she must know that she tells such stories, and she must understand what’s available in changing them. That alone represents a tall order.

For most such women, that level of self-awareness doesn’t exist. Some barely even register their stories! It’s all happening in them on auto-pilot!

So were we to try changing their mind, it would just cause their stories to “dig in” deeper. We know this from personal experience.

Self-loathing in a pretty, intelligent, successful shell

Another reason we won’t waste our time trying to convince activists otherwise is because a lot of their frustration, anger and revulsion at trans-attracted men is about their own lack of self-worth, insecurity and self-loathing.

Think about it. Many, many transgender women (and we’ve talked with a lot) go through years, sometimes decades HATING what they are. Especially hating body parts they interpret as reminding them who they aren’t.

So when a guy offers his natural acceptance and appreciation of a trans woman for all they are (penis included) doesn’t it seem natural that trans woman who hates parts of herself will react vehemently towards someone who wants them – in part – for the part(s) they hate?

Just because someone is intelligent and successful doesn’t mean they come equipped with introspection and self-awareness/knowledge. Sometimes the most intelligent and successful are the ones with the least self-awareness! And the most self-loathing…

And once they remove the offending part, they now must contend with the fact that they find themselves in a kind of no-man’s land: on the one hand, some men don’t want them because they aren’t “really” women. On the other, those who do want them, they say, want them for what they no longer have. we’re speaking from their perspective of their stories.

The thing is, it’s fine to want intelligence and success. But first on your list should be a story match. The only way to do that is by first entertaining stories you want in a partner. Everything else follows that.

The catch 22 of trans-attraction

You’re absolutely right, and, while being right you affirm the next reason why we won’t bridge with activists. You write: “because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame. Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then the icing on the cake is then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.”

This is the crux of the dilemma for both sides. Once you have a story set, or what we call a “belief constellation”, in place, it’s very difficult dislodging yourself so you can see outside that story set. The struggle trans-attracted men have is exactly what you say: society generally shames us, and the very women we are attracted to do too. So we end up self-shaming, self-loathing and in that blame transgender women for our predicament. But for every person struggling, the struggle is self-inflicted. There are no victims.

Yes, trans women do all this complaining, all the while complaining about being single. But think about stories and realities they create. Of course a trans woman who has such stories will end up single…or with a woman. No one can create around their beliefs (stories). That’s why we ONLY work with men and trans women who are willing to examine their beliefs and stories and change them.

So these (and many more) are reasons why we don’t put any time trying to build bridges. With activists or any other trans or trans-attracted person ignorant about what creates their reality, there’s no bridge to be built that will effectively span the chasm created by bogus stories.

Here’s the good news:

There are more trans women out there than you think you know. Many of them don’t have that superficial success depending on constant story agreement. Many exceed your success and intelligence – no offense. And besides, assuming you’re monogamous you only need one! That’s easy to get!

But think about this now: Your email arrived PACKED with as many stories about those women, stories not dissimilar from stories these women have about you. So you’re kinda in the same boat, aren’t you? Rather than trying to reach these “activist” women, who you see as successful and thus prime candidates for your attention and affection, why not instead change YOUR stories, and thereby your attention, to those transgender women who are out there who already meet you on the story level, profession level and success level? They are out there, but, just like you say about Serena, you can’t see them if you keep going after girls like Serena then complaining when they ignore you.

Here’s something else to consider. And we’re just casually sharing here. Isn’t it obvious from your observation and experience that intelligence and career success aren’t enough to find a match? We agree with you, there are many very successful transgender women out there. More than you know, we promise.

But no amount of intelligence/career success will overcome stories you keep telling, or they keep telling, that keep you from being a match. In fact, intelligence and success, as you saw, often hinder one’s ability to see different perspectives. The very perspectives that can bring them everything they want.

You don’t need activists. The Transamorous Network doesn’t either. If you want to enjoy fulfilling, happy cis-trans relationships, or just one, attend to your stories first. Then, armed with better-feeling stories, relax and watch as your reality changes to match your new level of story creation.

TTN